Rhyme of another summer

Dear Pupu,

I dedicate the name of this post to the name of a beautiful music from the movie "Amelie". That song has been set on repeat as I find it to be very smoothing and nice. It also captures my mood during this period of uncertainty.

After finishing my last undergraduate semester, I began to look back on my life and also thought about the future. I feel that no matter how much money I earn or how successful I will be in the future, happiness will still elude me. I realized that my life is mostly filled with anger and sadness. Finding happiness is not easy for me. However I do hope that the day will come.

The last hurdle

Dear Pupu,

At long last the exams for my final semester as an undergraduate is starting soon. I just want to get it over and done with. I think that the so-called higher education in Singapore is losing its purpose. Students are competing against each other in a memory and calculator punching contest. And after the exams, almost everything will be forgotten. So instead of being forced to memorise junk and vomit it out during exams, why not have meaningful projects that allows students to apply what they have learned?

If the education system is still so focused on exams, perhaps they should lighten the burden of memorising by allowing students to bring in materials. The questions would then be application based, testing on the concepts. With the current system, students are so focused on swallowing junk that the courses have lost its purpose.

Decision

Dear Pupu

I applied for 15 graduate schools and only 6 have replied me. Out of the 6 replies, I have 5 rejections and 1 acceptance. I was sad, but it was also kind of expected since those were very good schools. I was also glad because that one acceptance was important to me. As for the rest of the 9 schools, I have no idea what's taking them so long.

The national deadline for acceptance in US is 15 Apr. I don't want to end up in a situation where acceptances start coming during the last few days and I would not have much time to decide. The deciding factor is not only the school ranking, but the professors that I want to work with, the city that the school is situated in and the weather. Well..... I guess the last factor should have no concern since all the schools I applied are in the US.

Maybe I should start emailing the 9 schools.

As I am about to enter the next phase of my life, it is no surprise that I would also ponder about the alternate path that I could have taken, which is working in the society. I compared the advantages and disadvantages between the 2 paths, and I finally came to a conclusion. Money is not an important factor here. The bottomline is interest. Do I really have interest in research? Or do I just want to get another certificate?

Life as a PhD student is not easy. That's for sure. I shall take a leap of faith, and hope for a better future.

Nightmares

Dear Pupu,

I've been having nightmares about my graduate applications. A few scenarios popped in my head when the admission committee is reviewing my qualifications.

Scenario 1:
"OH MY GOD!!! HOW COULD YOU EVEN THINK OF APPLYING TO OUR SCHOOL????"

Scenario 2:
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!"
Everyone takes a while to calm themselves down.
"Oh man, that was good. I needed that."
They tossed it aside and looked at other applications.

Scenario 3:
"Aww.... We almost feel sad taking this person's application fee..... How sad."

Scenario 4:
Simon Cowell pinching his head and saying,"No. Absolutely no."

Scenario 5:
"Hmm.... Ísn't he from the country that banned chewing gum? Rejected!"

Scenario 6:
"Oh I'm sure he already has a PhD..... Permanent Head Damage that is! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

I'm terrified. Terribly.

Praying

Dear Pupu,

In times of despair and anguish, I feel like praying. But I do not believe in any religion or god.

In times of despair and anguish, it is said that faith can help pull one through. But no matter how much faith one has, the situation will still remain the same.

I have never believed in anything or anyone but myself. So in times of despair and anguish, I can only rely on myself.

Sometimes I feel like radiating myself with gamma rays so I can transform into the Hulk and squeeze his FUCKING brains out of his numbskull. Bruce Banner sure has it easy. No one dares to offend him because his anger will eventually lead to a simple solution of violence. FYI, Bruce Banner is the incredible Hulk.

Is there any substance that can cause brain aneurysm in a person? No wait. Brain aneurysm is a sudden and painless death. I can't have that happening to him. I want him to suffer a long and agonising death. Each breath he draws will cause more pain for him. If there are any tumor cells in him, I hope they metastasis now.

Waiting it out

Dear Pupu,

It has been one hell of a semester. I have finally submitted all of my applications and now I'm just keeping track of the application status and waiting for the admission decision. I AM DAMN NERVOUS. To make it worst, I need to wait until Feb or Mar.

In the meanwhile, some of the schools doesn't seem to be receiving my official transcripts, which is quite frustrating. I spent money again to resend the documents and it would take 1 to 2 weeks for it be received. Argh. Furthermore, some schools doesn't seem to update my application status, which makes me even more nervous. I would not know if my documents have been received. I do not want to be rejected just because some documents are missing.

I need to engage in some productive activities so that time will fly.

Goddammit

Dear Pupu

My friend gave me a bunch of chocolates that she brought from the US. However even before I could open it up, all of it was eaten away by that greedy son-of-a-bitch. And this isn't the first time. Why do my stuff always get eaten? I hope he dies soon.

This is one of the main reasons why I am so determined to go overseas for further studies.

I CANNOT STAND LIVING UNDER THE SAME ROOF AS HIM.