in saddening news, my grandma passed away last week in singapore.
even though it wasn't unexpected and didn't come as a big shock or surprise, i suppose it's still a sad thing to have happen.
as soon as we heard, we got right onto booking flights in order to make sure that we got here in time for the final night of the wake/vigil service and then for the funeral.
at the vigil service on thursday night, one of my grand-uncles got up and gave an amazing eulogy. it was packed full of anecdotes and stories and recounts of what my grandma had done for her younger siblings. he mentioned three key things:
(1) respect, (2) commitment, and (3) forgiveness. he had so many stories to tell about how my grandma would make so many sacrifices in order to make sure that her
younger siblings were all okay and taken care of.
with the number of people who showed up over the three nights of the wake (apparently the second night had 300 people!), it was so clear that she meant so much to so many people. she was really the matriarch of the family. she was the glue. she taught us all how important it was to be close with family. i think she's the only reason why all our extended family are so close.
after having gone to a number of funerals in australia over the past couple of years, coming back over to singapore for a funeral made me realize just how different things can be in a different culture. the things i realized:
[one] the wake goes over multiple nights (usually three), not just one. furthermore, it's usually held at the bottom floor of a HDB flat, out in the open. this is remarkably different to a one night/day service type thing where it's held at a chapel or a church or a funeral parlour.
[two] the family gets put on a rotating roster. usually, the young ones take the overnight watch and sleep during the day, while the "older" generation gets day duty. i think this would be because during the day, it's more likely to be their generation's friends who come to pay their respects.
[three] rather than wearing all black as they do in australia, tradition says that the mourning family needs to wear white tops and black pants/bottoms. it's a pretty strict dress code too. usually, someone will go to giordano/bossini/hang ten and mass buy white polo shirts for everyone. i suppose it's a good way of distinguishing who's family and who's not.
[four] at the cemetery, usually, when it comes time to pay our last respects, people are meant to grab a handful of sand/soil and sprinkle that on top of the casket and/or throw in a flower. i kid you not when i tell you that there was a tractor, mounding the clay soil into the burial plot right in front of us. this was nuts!! to me, it was so wrong on so many levels. it just means that the last thing i remember of the casket is it being dumped by a mean looking and disturbingly loud tractor! what's worse, can you believe that they started the tractor right in the middle of the final prayer? i sigh and shake my head.
[five] food. there's always food. people bring food. the family buys food for meals during the day. and the family also caters food each night for after the vigil service. drinks-wise, there's always a huge refrigerator that's stocked with carton drinks (bring on the ice lemon tea, chrysanthemum and lychee drinks!) oh. and there's water too - which come in funky sealed plastic containers which you need skinny-bubble-tea-looking straws to pop the top in order to drink it.
tangentially referring to the the topic of food though: i landed in singapore at 6am on thursday. by 1pm, i had knocked off three staples on my 'must-eat-when-in-singapore' list: chicken curry puff (old chang kee style - i pretty much OMGed coz someone bought an entire box full of them!!), roti prata - despite the confusion and weird looks, my cousin managed to score me a cheese onion prata. finally, cha kuey teow was somehow provided too. even better, by 3pm the next day, hainanese chicken rice was also taken care of. now that's called efficiency and an awesome family!!
but more on topic. indeed, the turn of events were sad. but it wasn't entirely devastating. i did tear when my uncles/aunties were crying, but i really did (and still do) feel at peace. i see grandma's passing as a good thing. no more suffering!
i guess i'm just really grateful and thankful. on so many levels.
