you know, it sucks when you have a person who constantly ignores what you say. you want them to listen. most times, you want their opinion. but then, when you're standing in the kitchen, and you're both there, you start talking. mainly about your day and the things that you got up to or the interesting things which happened throughout the week, and the things which you're not quite sure what to do about. but then this person just looks at you and looks right through you. they know you're there, but they don't quite seem to notice. they focus on cutting the vegetables or washing the cups. or something weird like that.
but then, what happens when this keeps happening repeatedly? not just once or twice, but every day over a few years? what then? am i meant to be numb? am i meant to just not care? should i just write-off that emotion and just say to myself, "you know what? even if they don't care or respond, it really doesn't matter!" but then, that would be lying. because it DOES matter. what they think does matter. but when they stand there and all they can think about is themselves, then that's a bad thing right? is the onus on me to vocalize these feelings? do i need to say it to their face? or would a letter say it better? after all, that's written proof right?
how can i make it not hurt so much? i want them to be emotionally sensitive to what i'm going through. so no, maybe i'm not going through a crisis. but yes! i want to hear what they have to say about themselves, but i want them to care about me as well. i want them to be interested in how my day went, what happened at work or at uni. i want them to listen to me! not just hear me, but actually listen!
really, is that too much to ask?
*whoops*
so i'm going to be 100% honest here.
so far we've gone through about 12 weeks of uni. and it's terrible i know, but for my 3rd yr politics unit (which is pretty much "the big unit" which most students complete in their final semester - i.e. it's a 50 credit unit which has a research paper worth 50% of the unit grade), participation in tutorials is weighted as 20%. this can be considered to be exceptionally high, considering that most other units only have 10% participation. now in order to actually participate, one would have to actually ATTEND the class right?
as i've discovered, i've "somehow" managed to miss roughly 5 of these tutorials. independently, 5 isn't such a bad number. but... in my case, that's 5 of 9 tutorials i've missed. quite embarrassing really. but what made things even more embarrassing is the fact that when i walked into class today, and passed my tutor in the hallway, he looked at me and said "hi, pheebs"... and then, he gave me this look. and immediately i thought "oh no, he totally noticed that i haven't been here for the last like 4 classes". so a few minutes later, to cement my speculation about his unfortunate knowledge (of my wagging), just after class started, he walked over to me and handed me my marked research proposal - which i then found out from a friend, the same research proposal that everyone had gotten back 3 weeks ago in class.
*slaps forehead*
i guess the lessons in all of this, are:
(1) don't wag;
(2) don't wag classes in which your tutor knows you (by name);
(3) if you're going to wag, wag smart - i.e. sporadically;
(4) don't wag classes when they hand stuff back - that's way too obvious; and
(5) it'd probably be better to not wag at all
as they say, a lesson may be learned too late, but it's better than never having learned the lesson at all! and you know what? i've got 2 semesters after this to prove it!
:)
so far we've gone through about 12 weeks of uni. and it's terrible i know, but for my 3rd yr politics unit (which is pretty much "the big unit" which most students complete in their final semester - i.e. it's a 50 credit unit which has a research paper worth 50% of the unit grade), participation in tutorials is weighted as 20%. this can be considered to be exceptionally high, considering that most other units only have 10% participation. now in order to actually participate, one would have to actually ATTEND the class right?
as i've discovered, i've "somehow" managed to miss roughly 5 of these tutorials. independently, 5 isn't such a bad number. but... in my case, that's 5 of 9 tutorials i've missed. quite embarrassing really. but what made things even more embarrassing is the fact that when i walked into class today, and passed my tutor in the hallway, he looked at me and said "hi, pheebs"... and then, he gave me this look. and immediately i thought "oh no, he totally noticed that i haven't been here for the last like 4 classes". so a few minutes later, to cement my speculation about his unfortunate knowledge (of my wagging), just after class started, he walked over to me and handed me my marked research proposal - which i then found out from a friend, the same research proposal that everyone had gotten back 3 weeks ago in class.
*slaps forehead*
i guess the lessons in all of this, are:
(1) don't wag;
(2) don't wag classes in which your tutor knows you (by name);
(3) if you're going to wag, wag smart - i.e. sporadically;
(4) don't wag classes when they hand stuff back - that's way too obvious; and
(5) it'd probably be better to not wag at all
as they say, a lesson may be learned too late, but it's better than never having learned the lesson at all! and you know what? i've got 2 semesters after this to prove it!
:)
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