u noe.. things are actually ok now.. i mean.. things will be really weird without my grandpa arnd.. but u noe wat? life goes on.. no matter how much i cry abt it... it won't bring him back u noe? i guess i've just gotta live in his example.. in his walk of faith.. 'n i've gotta understand tt he did certain things for us grandchildren to one day come to understand... but no matter what happens or what did happen.. all i noe is tt i loved him.. and i still do.
the thing abt funerals is tt it affects everybody in a different way... without knowing the person, u'll never noe whether they'll be the one to break down and cry and possibly make everyone around them cry. the problem is also not knowing how to relate to those who have lost a loved one. before my grandfather's death, i had no idea what it felt like to lose a loved one... but to some extent... not ever speaking to him in hokkien was one thing which put a barrier there.. i couldn't ever say tt i have actually had a PROPER conversation with him... but despite of tt fact.. still its the actions 'n the things which my grandfather did which allows me to feel somewhat close to him... it's in this sense which i feel disadvantaged... bcoz it feels as if i wasn't as close to him as my cousins were... but it was thru the funeral which i saw how my grandfather was a living testament of his faith.. it only encourages me to do the same.. to live out my faith no matter wat is thrown at me.
the last few days brought on one whole round of guilt and depression... my 'ah-kong' passed away yesterday... for me.. i have a lot of regret... simply bcoz i had the chance to see him the day before.. but sadly.. i foolishly passed up the opportunity... instead, i spent the day with friends.. not knowing that that chance would have been the last that i had to see him again... from now, until forever.. i will live with regret... and guilt.. becoz i ditched my beloved grandpa for a group of friends. its the looks on the faces of my aunties and uncles that just make me really want to cry. its the love that i can see... it's written all over their faces... an overwhelming emotion u noe?
from here.. things are strange... as in.. for my cousins and i. bcoz its a funeral... we can't act too happy u noe? but... things are just depressing if no one says anything... just like wen the casket was first brought to yishun - the funeral thing at the downstairs part of my eldest uncle's place... its like... at first.. no one dared to say anything.. i felt all the tension and emotion which all of my aunties and uncles were trying to hold back... and then wen the casket was opened.. the only thing we could do was just stare... to stare pensively into the face of my late grandpa... it's a feeling which just grabs you.. if you don't let go of these emotions ... they can take you on a life-long-never-ending journey..
now that my parents haf flown over from perth.. the family is reunited.. yet again. it was just a few weeks back wen everyone had congregated for the wedding of my eldest cousin... i'm just glad that my ah kong had lived to see teng da get married... after all, teng da was the favourite grandson... i guess in a way ah kong went peacefully.. and its a good thing that he was relieved of all the pain and suffering which he was going through.. just to see him there, lying in the hospital bed.... his breathing then turned into gasps for air.. as if he was continuously submerged in water.. his eyes looked as if they were stuck together.. his skin.. drying out.. looking and feeling scarily brittle..
well... gotta go.. time to go back to the funeral place... at this time of bereavement.. i'm just glad that i have my almighty Father.. who i know is watching out for all of us down here... i'm especially glad to know that my grandpa was a believer.. so now he's there, in that very safe place.. finally.. i can feel some peace... today and the nxt couple of days will be a rough time to come... i pray that i'll have the strength to endure it u noe? but i have no worries.. coz the Lord is there. He's always there.
from here.. things are strange... as in.. for my cousins and i. bcoz its a funeral... we can't act too happy u noe? but... things are just depressing if no one says anything... just like wen the casket was first brought to yishun - the funeral thing at the downstairs part of my eldest uncle's place... its like... at first.. no one dared to say anything.. i felt all the tension and emotion which all of my aunties and uncles were trying to hold back... and then wen the casket was opened.. the only thing we could do was just stare... to stare pensively into the face of my late grandpa... it's a feeling which just grabs you.. if you don't let go of these emotions ... they can take you on a life-long-never-ending journey..
now that my parents haf flown over from perth.. the family is reunited.. yet again. it was just a few weeks back wen everyone had congregated for the wedding of my eldest cousin... i'm just glad that my ah kong had lived to see teng da get married... after all, teng da was the favourite grandson... i guess in a way ah kong went peacefully.. and its a good thing that he was relieved of all the pain and suffering which he was going through.. just to see him there, lying in the hospital bed.... his breathing then turned into gasps for air.. as if he was continuously submerged in water.. his eyes looked as if they were stuck together.. his skin.. drying out.. looking and feeling scarily brittle..
well... gotta go.. time to go back to the funeral place... at this time of bereavement.. i'm just glad that i have my almighty Father.. who i know is watching out for all of us down here... i'm especially glad to know that my grandpa was a believer.. so now he's there, in that very safe place.. finally.. i can feel some peace... today and the nxt couple of days will be a rough time to come... i pray that i'll have the strength to endure it u noe? but i have no worries.. coz the Lord is there. He's always there.
oh yeahh... and just for the record.. as a favour to a friend (mr. owner-of-a-new-wallet) and simply just as a statement of truth.. lol... 2 things...
i) H-O-T spells... CHENG! =D
and
ii) 'We love Wiiiiiiillllllllliiiaaaammm' - join the Cheng fan club!
*sorry to those hu dun realli get the joke... but yeah... =P trust me.. if u knew.. u would laugh... =) *griNz*
i) H-O-T spells... CHENG! =D
and
ii) 'We love Wiiiiiiillllllllliiiaaaammm' - join the Cheng fan club!
*sorry to those hu dun realli get the joke... but yeah... =P trust me.. if u knew.. u would laugh... =) *griNz*
.
hmmmmmm....mum called last nite... got my report! yay! i did alrite.. i think the only reason y mum 'n dad din skunt my head off abt the whole overspending thing was bcoz my report was pretty gd...lucky lucky lucky.. lol...=P .... but hey! i got an 'A' for chem 'n physics!! i was sooooo not expecting tt... but it's a gd suprise.. =) *griNz*... but as expected... i got a 'B' for math.. but tt's all gd considering how much i DIDN'T study during the year.. lol.. tt's something i gotta work on for nxt year... but yeaahhhh..
i really really really want to go home eh.. i mean things in s'pore are fine... i'm enjoying myself over here u noe? but there's just something missing this christmas.. i realli want to be around all of my friends.. i just want to be at home.. hmmm... but then there's the issue of coming to s'pore solely to experience the whole chinese new year... but cny is like another month away!! i dunno if i could bear to be around in s'pore until then... bumming everyday in s'pore is like.... i dunnooo... it's almost tortureous... hhhmmmmmm.... nothing to do... i'm soo bored!! save me.. please!
hmmmmmm....mum called last nite... got my report! yay! i did alrite.. i think the only reason y mum 'n dad din skunt my head off abt the whole overspending thing was bcoz my report was pretty gd...lucky lucky lucky.. lol...=P .... but hey! i got an 'A' for chem 'n physics!! i was sooooo not expecting tt... but it's a gd suprise.. =) *griNz*... but as expected... i got a 'B' for math.. but tt's all gd considering how much i DIDN'T study during the year.. lol.. tt's something i gotta work on for nxt year... but yeaahhhh..
i really really really want to go home eh.. i mean things in s'pore are fine... i'm enjoying myself over here u noe? but there's just something missing this christmas.. i realli want to be around all of my friends.. i just want to be at home.. hmmm... but then there's the issue of coming to s'pore solely to experience the whole chinese new year... but cny is like another month away!! i dunno if i could bear to be around in s'pore until then... bumming everyday in s'pore is like.... i dunnooo... it's almost tortureous... hhhmmmmmm.... nothing to do... i'm soo bored!! save me.. please!
woaahh...its been aaggess since i last posted anything....lol... i've been at conference the whole of last week...'n this week i've been "net-less"... lol...sorry if tt was lame...but yeah!
conference was realli gd ey! majorly tiring tho... iit went kinda fast.. the first couple of days dragged by,.. but by the last day....things were realli realli realli fast... the last nite was the best tho...heahehe.... tho.. onli a few other ppl would noe wat i mean.. i think it was the first time in s'pore wen i was fully relaxed... i din really care wat else was going on... i was just myself... the best feeling .. heahe... =)
hmmm....so not much else has been going on tho eh... but now things are just realli realli quiet... bcoz the perth guyz haf gone home... 'n now...things are just back to the way they were b4... i dunno if its a good thing tho... but all i noe is tt i realli want to go home... i miss perth... i miss home...ah welllllll....life is like that...lol... mite as welll enjoy it... =)
conference was realli gd ey! majorly tiring tho... iit went kinda fast.. the first couple of days dragged by,.. but by the last day....things were realli realli realli fast... the last nite was the best tho...heahehe.... tho.. onli a few other ppl would noe wat i mean.. i think it was the first time in s'pore wen i was fully relaxed... i din really care wat else was going on... i was just myself... the best feeling .. heahe... =)
hmmm....so not much else has been going on tho eh... but now things are just realli realli quiet... bcoz the perth guyz haf gone home... 'n now...things are just back to the way they were b4... i dunno if its a good thing tho... but all i noe is tt i realli want to go home... i miss perth... i miss home...ah welllllll....life is like that...lol... mite as welll enjoy it... =)
hmm... life seriously is so screwed eh.. like to think abt it... my life is fine! i'm perfectly happy... for the first time in quite a while... but then i stop to think abt the people arnd me... and how they've conducted themselves and the consequences that they've incurred.. its absolutley stupid eh.. like... how could anyone possibly be so blind? it may seem tt as u read this.. u haven't got the slightest clue of wat i'm tokkin' bout... but honestly... i wish things were in better states... just think u noe? like... as Newton's Law states... to every action there is a reaction... dusn't tt tell u something ppl? EVERYTHING u do... has a CONSEQUENCE!!! just think abt it would u?
hmmmmm.... afta tokkin to some of da pplz bak hm ( i.e trish 'n mel!) i actually feel better! i think i just needed to tokk to some of da pplz hu i was 'familiar' with...lol... but yeh.. THANKS GUYZ! see? it all just goes to show... ur frenz realli are there for u.. they mite not even noe how they've helped, but if u can develop such a frenship where a long distance fone call can make u feel one thousand times better? than keep tt frenship as close as u can! bcoz if someone can affect u from just over the fone, then it must be something worthwhile! =)
but yehh...i went to the um.. "beach" today....lol...heaapss funny... i gez s'poreans dunno wat they're missin' ova here... i mean... anyone heard of waves? wat's a beach without waves? its some artificial crap of an island which is like 95% made of pollution anyway... lol
uh-oh....gotta go...i JUST realized the time.. heheh... oopz... lol... but yeahhh..... i feel better now... so things are all gd... heah... =p but tt dusn't mean i'm not missin' perth like hell... i feel as if i'm missing out on heaps of stuff! even if it dus mean exams... ah well... as a not so long lost fren sed 2dae.... "shit happens"... n i think we all say "aye!" to agree...
but yehh...i went to the um.. "beach" today....lol...heaapss funny... i gez s'poreans dunno wat they're missin' ova here... i mean... anyone heard of waves? wat's a beach without waves? its some artificial crap of an island which is like 95% made of pollution anyway... lol
uh-oh....gotta go...i JUST realized the time.. heheh... oopz... lol... but yeahhh..... i feel better now... so things are all gd... heah... =p but tt dusn't mean i'm not missin' perth like hell... i feel as if i'm missing out on heaps of stuff! even if it dus mean exams... ah well... as a not so long lost fren sed 2dae.... "shit happens"... n i think we all say "aye!" to agree...
i wanna go home.... ='( i dunno y eh....i used to feel realli realli comfortable 'n stuff in s'pore... but now its all weird! even with my cuzin's 'n stuff... i just feel as if i can't act normally....i feel weird... totally out of place...it's strange... 'n it's making life shit as anything eh... as if it hurts to live... i wish everything would just go back to being normal. or at least to a way where i can feel comfortable to a certain extent? coz now... life's just crap.
hmmm... u noe.. being in a different country just makes me appreciate wat i have bak home. its the stuff tt u take for granted... not like the weather... or the clean air... but like...my frenz... 'n just the way tt i am able to live in general... things in s'pore are so different tt i can actually see how valuable things really are. i can't seem to comprehend y i would eva take for granted the great frenz tt i'm surrounded by... its weird tt onli leaving wat u've been so comfortable with until u can see what it realli is...
i think i'm gonna head into a state of depression soon... slowly...i can feel my self becoming more and more...just...i dunno... there's a word for it...but i dunno how to explain.... i think i'll explode sooner or later... but better sooner than later i think... then at least it'll be over and dun with... argh....this is crap. life is crap. hope it blows over.
hmmm... u noe.. being in a different country just makes me appreciate wat i have bak home. its the stuff tt u take for granted... not like the weather... or the clean air... but like...my frenz... 'n just the way tt i am able to live in general... things in s'pore are so different tt i can actually see how valuable things really are. i can't seem to comprehend y i would eva take for granted the great frenz tt i'm surrounded by... its weird tt onli leaving wat u've been so comfortable with until u can see what it realli is...
i think i'm gonna head into a state of depression soon... slowly...i can feel my self becoming more and more...just...i dunno... there's a word for it...but i dunno how to explain.... i think i'll explode sooner or later... but better sooner than later i think... then at least it'll be over and dun with... argh....this is crap. life is crap. hope it blows over.
oh yeh...just for ur information...heh...i got my suitcase opened...lol...i was sooo freaked eh! like...i had to go to my cuzin's wedding...'n like i had no clothes! ssttrreessss....lol... but it all turned out ok...so it's all gd...=)
hmmmm..... i think i need to sleep better ehh... at the rate i'm goin...i'm gonna just crasshh one day...
hmmmm..... i think i need to sleep better ehh... at the rate i'm goin...i'm gonna just crasshh one day...
*yay*! i'm in singapore!! after a realli realli realli long flite...i meann...it was onli 5 hours...but i absolutely hate aeroplanes...lol...hmmmm....i'm totally knackered...everything is incredibly surreal...its like...i'm here...but then i'm not? chey...i think i still need more sleep...ah well too baddd.....
i hope everythin' is all rite bak in perth...i left some 'issues' unresolved...i noe...bad decision... but i was strapped for time... i hope tt everyone comes to their senses and realizes that we can just forgive and forget...and for some other ppl...tt saying untrue stuff is exactly the same as LYING....so hu's accusing hu of lying? i don't even want to noe... but for all those of u involved...keep me posted yeahh??? i need to noe the resolution...(if there ever is one)..
ok...i did the STUPIDEST thing....i feel sooo dumb!!! so i packed all of my stuff rite...'n then my dad told me to LOCK my suitcase...so i did! (see? i'm soooo obedient! hah!) ... and tthheeennn... i took my key... locked it....and then left it in AUSTRALIA!!!! so now i'm here more than one billion miles away...without clothes....argh! soooo craaapppp....i'm stressing... i'm on holidays! and i'm stressing!!
ah crap! eaheah...my sis just got the stereo up 'n running.... IDOL!!! GUY WONN!!!!! yyeah!!!! heahaeheh.....now i'm happi...lol....i just need to think...GUY WONN!!! 'n all my 'stress' is driven away...heahaehe...ok...time to listen to the Final 12 cd...heahe...aussie power!! heahaeh....yyeaahhh.... keep me posted guys!!
i hope everythin' is all rite bak in perth...i left some 'issues' unresolved...i noe...bad decision... but i was strapped for time... i hope tt everyone comes to their senses and realizes that we can just forgive and forget...and for some other ppl...tt saying untrue stuff is exactly the same as LYING....so hu's accusing hu of lying? i don't even want to noe... but for all those of u involved...keep me posted yeahh??? i need to noe the resolution...(if there ever is one)..
ok...i did the STUPIDEST thing....i feel sooo dumb!!! so i packed all of my stuff rite...'n then my dad told me to LOCK my suitcase...so i did! (see? i'm soooo obedient! hah!) ... and tthheeennn... i took my key... locked it....and then left it in AUSTRALIA!!!! so now i'm here more than one billion miles away...without clothes....argh! soooo craaapppp....i'm stressing... i'm on holidays! and i'm stressing!!
ah crap! eaheah...my sis just got the stereo up 'n running.... IDOL!!! GUY WONN!!!!! yyeah!!!! heahaeheh.....now i'm happi...lol....i just need to think...GUY WONN!!! 'n all my 'stress' is driven away...heahaehe...ok...time to listen to the Final 12 cd...heahe...aussie power!! heahaeh....yyeaahhh.... keep me posted guys!!
weird... somehow...i can't slp! i lie in bed and think..."i'm gonna die tm if i don't fall asleep soon..."...but then...i just lie there and all of these thoughts come into my head... and soon enough, i'm thinking way too much - which means i'm not exactly sleeping or on my way to sleep.... sleep is wen ur mind is supposed to be at rest rite? i thought so anyway...
oh yeahhhh....as u can see...i've added a "chatterbox" onto the side... can u pplz (*ahem* M.T, R.T 'n T.S!!!!!!) refrain from "junioring"??? just for ur information...i CANNOT clear the history... so literally...wat's sed is sed... once u post something...there's no turning back...
oh gee...this is gettin long...and its gettin late...hmmm... 3:28 AM...crap... i should go back to try to sleep...ah well... =)
oh yeahhhh....as u can see...i've added a "chatterbox" onto the side... can u pplz (*ahem* M.T, R.T 'n T.S!!!!!!) refrain from "junioring"??? just for ur information...i CANNOT clear the history... so literally...wat's sed is sed... once u post something...there's no turning back...
oh gee...this is gettin long...and its gettin late...hmmm... 3:28 AM...crap... i should go back to try to sleep...ah well... =)
singapore here we come!! can u believe it?? i've onli got like...1 dae left of skool? and 5 days left in perth??? woohoo...lol...can't believe it tho eh...seems like jsut yesterdae wen my parents asked mi if i wanted to go...
somehow...i'm actually scared of going...i haven't seen everyone ova there in more than 2 years! 'n altho i've spoken to them 'n stuff...i can't help but feel tt its gonna be heaps different...maybe even awkward....hmm...we'll just hafta see when i get there...
somehow...i'm actually scared of going...i haven't seen everyone ova there in more than 2 years! 'n altho i've spoken to them 'n stuff...i can't help but feel tt its gonna be heaps different...maybe even awkward....hmm...we'll just hafta see when i get there...
hmmm... totally busy week... exams here and there... suprisingly i actually did ok... i was EXPECTING to fail....damn hard....argh...
this is so stoopid...being around one heck of a massive fight... it all asks me to think...y are ppl so damn stubborn???? forgive 'n forget...maybe they should think abt tt... do i reckon they're eva gonna get over it? prob not.. pity they happen to be 2 of my closest frenz... worst thing is...everyone's taking sides...hu's winning? well...tt's pretty obvious...hu's rite? i gez we'll neva noe...
this is so stoopid...being around one heck of a massive fight... it all asks me to think...y are ppl so damn stubborn???? forgive 'n forget...maybe they should think abt tt... do i reckon they're eva gonna get over it? prob not.. pity they happen to be 2 of my closest frenz... worst thing is...everyone's taking sides...hu's winning? well...tt's pretty obvious...hu's rite? i gez we'll neva noe...
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