Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Friday, May 31, 2013
May 2013 Recap
In May, we took some pictures to make a Grandchildren "How Are You Feeling Today?" poster for the Closest Grandma for Mother's Day.
Curious
Depressed
Angry
Forsaken
Alert
Scheming
Strong
Loving
Surprised
And I got Katelyn's pro pictures in her blessing dress (the one that originally belonged to Cristina)
This dolly is growing up too fast! She is 3 months old, wearing 9 month clothes, and rolling onto her tummy whenever we put her on the floor to play.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
April 2013 Recap
In April, this pretty girl turned 2 months old, and we had our first picnic of the spring. 
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Easter 2013
Some photos from the Barrus Family Easter Extravaganza in West Jordan.
Caleb finding an egg. Every grandchild had a different colored egg they were looking for. Prevented fights and worked out pretty well, I think.
Ellie and Katelyn meeting for the first time. Neither one seemed too impressed.
Caleb and Avey played together super well and were very cute. Caleb's training at the hands of Scott about being submissive proved to be useful.
More finding eggs.
Hey, a yellow egg.
Scott on the hunt.
The victorious participants.
The three cousins, all born within six months of each other (I think).
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
What's a Mother Blessing?
Many of you have been asking about the Mother Blessing I mentioned in Katelyn's birth story. I'm here to answer your questions. :)
What is a Mother Blessing?
A Mother Blessing is an alternative to a baby shower. While baby showers are usually focused on providing temporal preparations for the baby, a Mother Blessing ceremony focuses more on the transition into motherhood and on supporting and preparing the mother spiritually and emotionally for the event of childbirth.
I wanted to hold a Mother Blessing with this pregnancy because some dear friends and neighbors had already given me all the clothes, etc. that I would need for a baby girl, and we try to go pretty light on the baby gear around here, so I already had everything I would need (pretty much a stretchy wrap and a pair of lactating breasts :). I didn't want a baby shower, but I did want to visit with and feel the support and spirit of my female relatives and friends. Especially with this transition from 2 to 3 children, I was really desiring the strength from my fellow sisters. So I decided on a Mother Blessing.
A Mother Blessing is usually a small gathering of women, commonly held, especially in the LDS culture, up until the middle of the 20th century. I hoped to renew this tradition of woman-to-woman support and spiritual bonding. You may also find people (especially online) using the terms "Mother Blessing" and "Blessingway" interchangeably, but I choose not to do that in respect for the Navajo culture. In the Navajo tradition, a Blessing Way is a rite of passage containing rituals and prayers that begins with a girl's menarche and continues as she grows, bears children, etc. I will leave the Blessing Ways to the Navajo people; I had a Mother Blessing.
What happens at a Mother Blessing?
Really, a mother can choose any activities she feels will strengthen her for the coming childbirth. If you do a bit of googling, you will find many ideas.
I chose to divide my Mother Blessing (which I threw for myself; that's okay, too) into two parts: Past and Future.
For the activities of the past, I asked my guests to come prepared with the names of their mothers and grandmothers, and a memory or story about one of them to share. As we sat around my dining room table, each woman shared the names and stories and lit a candle to represent the women who have gone before us and who are close to the veil when a baby is born. I wanted to remember them and invite the strength and presence of angels for my birth.
During this time, one of my friends brought a painting of Heavenly Mother, a copy of which used to hang in the Jordan River Temple women's dressing room. Her own mother had it hanging in her house for many years.
Also during this part of the Mother Blessing, my mom presented me with a baby quilt she, her sisters, and my sister had all worked on that weekend. It was made from a remnant of fabric my maternal grandmother (who has now passed) had in her fabric stash.
When we completed our sharing, I had them blow out the candles and asked my guests to take them home and light them when I went into labor (it was Brandon's job to text everyone and let them know). I found strength in the visualization of all the lit candles scattered in different homes, that all of the women who love me best would be thinking of me and praying for me as I labored.
When we had all shared about the women in our past, we moved to another room in the house for the Future portion of the Mother Blessing. For this, I had asked my guests to please choose and/or create and bring a bead or charm that represented something about our relationship or the wishes and hopes they had for my birth and motherhood. I told them we would use the beads to create a piece of jewelry, and I will wear it in labor. This became my Mother Blessing necklace.
I told them that, as they presented the bead, they were free to share the bead's meaning and why they chose it, and any quotes, stories, songs, poems, and/or scriptures that help describe the blessings they wished for me in my upcoming labor, birth, and new motherhood.
The beads and their meanings:
Blue bead with white swirls, which she made of clay: from my friend whose yoga class I attend--to represent the flow of birth and to surrender to it. There also happened to be two heart shapes in the bead--one for my heart, and one the baby's heart.
Bird charms: from my mother, to represent a story she told me when I was younger about my worth and my talents. She had a different meaning for each type of bird; for example, the hummingbird is one of the smallest birds, but also the strongest, so when I am feeling small, to remember my strength.
Heart charm with "Daughter": from a friend in the ward; in honor of my having my first daughter, and also that I am a daughter of the Most High.
Faceted Crystal: from Brandon's grandma--to remember the many facets of motherhood, and how the light hits all of them at different times, beautifying all around it.
Crystallized marbles: from my aunt. They were originally from a necklace passed down from my maternal great-grandmother, then on to my grandmother, and my aunt, and now me. To remember the many generations of mothers before me.
Bumble bee charm: From my mother-in-law, along with her favorite scripture from the Doctrine and Covenants. It was to remind me of the talk by Elder Ballard, "Be Anxiously Engaged" , wherein he talks about each bee only making 1/16 of a teaspoon of honey, but how they all do a small part and make enough honey for winter (and even, enough to be harvested). So to remember that my everyday mothering efforts will cumulatively make an enormous difference.
Small friendship braid: from my sister, who lived with us on the weekends one summer, while she worked as a counselor at Oakcrest, an LDS summer camp for girls. She made the braid to remind me of that summer, and to represent Brandon's and my strength as we worked together, for the birth and for parenting afterward.
I love every single bead, and it was very therapeutic for me to sit and use jump rings to attach them all to a chain one night. I think it was 3 days before Katelyn was born, actually. And you can read in Katelyn's birth story how the necklace helped me during labor.
After we were done sharing our beads and their meanings, we closed by singing "As Sisters in Zion". Then we had some food. :)
It was wonderful to chat with my family and friends. I wish my midwife and her assistant could have been there, but I know they were there in spirit. :) Please let me know if you have any other questions about Mother Blessings.
And here's a parting shot of the little cutie that all these preparations were for. :) Katelyn at 6 weeks old.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
February 2013 Recap
In February, we pretty much took pictures of this little cutie all month:
Valentine's Day, 2 weeks old
Caleb tried to be a good sport,
but he got tired of waiting.
Finally riding it! Caleb with Grandpa and Scott with Brandon.
Katelyn came, too, but she took a nap the whole time. :)
Scott loved all the displays and had a great time!
And Katelyn was cute. That's what we did in February.
Oh, and bought a minivan--that was awesome, too.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Katelyn Brielle Barrus - A Birth Story
Katelyn Brielle is here!
Born 1 February 2013, 7:43 AM
at 38 weeks, 0 days gestation
9 lbs. 4 oz. 20.5 inches
(Here's Scott's birth story, and here's Caleb's, for comparison)
The last week of January, I was sort of wrapping things up. I performed in the closing show of "Florencia en el Amazonas" on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday were my last days of teaching voice lessons at home, and then I had a few other projects I wanted to finish up before I was 38 weeks along and the baby could come at any time. I had a feeling she would come on Feb 2 or 4, because both boys were born at 38 weeks 3 days, and I just had feelings about those days. At my Mother Blessing, which was held a couple weeks before, my friend Dana said that Feb 1 sounded like a great day to have a baby--her daughter was born on that day one year ago.
On Wednesday and Thursday of that week, I just felt like lounging all day. I knew there were things I could be getting done that would make life with a newborn easier, but I just couldn't bring myself to do them. I think my body was conserving energy. My emotional state was also interesting to me--I felt so done being pregnant, but I was really trying to temper those feelings, because I could conceivably be pregnant for another 4 weeks. (That thought made me want to bawl, by the way).
Raeann Peck, my angelic midwife, came over for a prenatal appointment on Wednesday, Jan. 30 and I cried through it. I think it was difficult for me to deal with feeling deep in my heart that the baby would be here soon, but knowing that I may need to be patient (and large and uncomfortable, etc) for another few days to weeks. Looking back, it was the same way I felt during the few days before I had Caleb.
At the end of our appointment, she told me she wouldn't be surprised if I had the baby within a week. I had checked myself a few days back, and I wasn't dilated or effaced. This was just her feeling. In fact, I knew she really did feel that way, she wasn't just saying that, because we both forgot to schedule the next weekly prenatal appointment--I had to call her back and put it on the books. And Raeann was right--we didn't end up needing that prenatal. :)
On the night of Thursday, Jan. 31, I was 37 weeks 6 days pregnant. Seth (Brandon's brother) was opening his mission call. He didn't get out of class until late that night and wouldn't be able to come up to West Jordan until 8:30pm (past my boys' bedtime as it is), and David and Sharon (Brandon's parents) were at a dinner that went longer than they expected. I knew it would be a stressful night (trying to put our boys down for bed is difficult at other places, and there were so many excited and loud people there, it was not happening), but I wasn't expecting that I would have such strong Braxton Hicks contractions on top of everything. So here I am, just wanting to stay at home and cry because I'm still pregnant and I'm trying to be patient, having pretty strong practice contractions, and trying to be happy and social around all these people (and not really succeeding--I was pretty grumpy, sorry everyone :).
In fact, at one point Eric (over Skype) asked me something about why I was in a bad mood, and I told him I was "in the zone, having contractions" and he asked if we were having a baby soon. Just to be snarky, I said "yes, we're having a baby tomorrow". As soon as I said that, though, I kind of knew it was true. I started to know things were getting serious, although my contractions were not following a pattern--I would have 3 or 4 in a row, every 7 minutes, and then I'd go for an hour and only have one or two, etc. When Sharon (my mother-in-law, a L&D nurse for many years) saw me after they got home from the dinner, she immediately said "Are you in labor?" to which I started crying and said "I don't know!" She said "that sounds familiar", because that's exactly the way I felt the night before I went into active labor with Caleb.
Well, Seth opened his mission call and will be serving in the Jakarta, Indonesia mission this May. We are so excited and happy for him! It was about 10:30 pm before we finally got home, and the boys got to sleep about 11pm. I remember when Brandon and I were finally in bed for the night, he asked me if I was still having contractions and he needed to time them (they had slowed down by that point) and made me promise that I would wake him up as soon as I thought they were the real thing.(I made the mistake of telling him about this 5-minute birth story a couple weeks before). Just in case, I had him pick up our bedroom a little, make sure the boys' suitcases were packed with clothes and diapers, and bring up my birth ball from the basement. I told him maybe we would have a baby the next day. I decided that, even if I am not really in labor, I'm going to wear my new comfy nightgown that I bought especially for labor. I deserve it, I tell myself. Then I went to sleep, and slept the night.
Feb. 1, 2013 5:15 AM 38 weeks 0 days pregnant
I am awakened by a contraction. This one is the real deal--bottom pressure, makes me need to concentrate and breathe through it to keep the rest of my body relaxed. I decide to time contractions for a bit before waking Brandon. A little before 6 AM, the contractions are more than a minute long and at least every 5 minutes in frequency, so I wake Brandon and ask him to call Raeann and text everyone who was at my Mother Blessing that I am in labor and ask them to light their candles. I also put on my Mother Blessing necklace, an action which is really helpful for me in admitting to myself that this was it, Delivery Day. Brandon sends out the texts and emails in to work to let his boss know he won't be there, and switches the sheets on our bed for some water-proof coverings. He also made me some scrambled eggs.
Raeann and Chyrelle, her birth assistant, arrive a little after 6AM. Interestingly, Raeann said that after her shift at the Jordan River Temple on Thursday night, she was overcome with sleep and went to bed earlier than she would normally have. She thought to herself "A baby is coming sometime tonight or tomorrow". :) Chyrelle said her body woke her up an hour earlier than she normally would, as well.
I was really hoping the boys would sleep late that morning because they were up so late the night before, but no, at 6:30 Scott wanders into my room while I'm laboring on hands and knees with my birth ball and says "Hi Mom! Hey, Grandma!!!!" He mistook Raeann for my mom, "The faraway Grandma". But he and Caleb were definitely awake, so Brandon took them downstairs to feed them breakfast and called Sharon to see if she could come get them. She said she had woken up at 5 that morning, too, and was just laying in bed thinking of Seth and of us and of her dad, who had recently passed, but who she feels has been very busy on the other side. She picked up our boys on her way from dropping off carpool at the charter school her boys attend. After that, things were much quieter and nice for this laboring mama. :)
I labored on hands and knees, hanging over my birth ball for a little over an hour. I would go back and forth from the bathroom as well, making sure my bladder stayed empty (I drank a lot of water and Powerade during labor). There was one particular contraction where I could actually feel my cervix just thin and lengthen and the baby's head slide down and engage. It was intense, and I really think with that one contraction I probably gained between 5 and 7 centimeters of dilation. Anyway, it was amazing to feel my body doing that work, and to just do my best to surrender to the amazing and fast changes that were taking place.
During these next few hours, Brandon was so great at being right next to me (after the boys were taken care of) and saying encouraging things in my ear. He is getting this down! Last time, with Caleb, I had to tell him what I needed him to say, but this time he was way on top of it. He remembered exactly the right spot I needed counterpressure on my back and everything. I love that man. He is wonderful, and I really needed his strength and presence during this birth.
After a couple of hours of active labor, at about 7:15 am, my legs start to be tired and I felt like I wanted to lay on my side in bed for awhile to rest them. I remember as I waited for a contraction to be over before I climbed up on my bed, I thought to myself "Why the *$%# did I think this was a good idea?!?" ("this" meaning "have another baby", "have her at home where there's no drugs to make this all go away" "have a vaginal birth at all, why didn't I just opt to be cut open, this really really sucks right about now"). And at the same time, a more rational part of my mind said "Awww, isn't that nice? You're in transition! You can do this! Your baby will be out of you soon, you just have to get through the pushing part." My multiple personalities make me laugh. :)
So I laid on my right side and had a few contractions on the bed that way. Then I said feebly to Raeann "I'm feeling pushy, but I'm afraid and I just want my water to break because I know I'll feel better after it does". I said this because, with Caleb and Scott, I felt less pressure and more ready to push after their waters broke. I was also feeling hesitant to push, because I knew how much it was going to hurt. I just had a sense that this baby was a big one, and I just didn't feel emotionally ready to push her out and go through all that pain yet. . Raeann said if I wanted her to, she would check me to see if I was fully dilated, but she kind of laughingly said that she was pretty sure I could push whenever I wanted. I think she knew I had been physically ready to push for awhile :). I said I did want her to check, and I felt her fingers touching the bulgy water bag. She said I was ready to go whenever I wanted. So I just talked myself into it for a minute.
I just laid on that bed and gave myself permission, out loud, to birth that baby. I said "It's time for her to be born now. It's time to push her out. You can do this. Your body was made to do this." and lots of other empowering statements like that until I felt ready to get in position and push. I felt like I wanted to be on my hands and knees, supported by my birth ball, up on my bed to give birth, so my birth attendants made that position happen for me. I felt more aggressive, less passive, in that position.
At about 7:35, I pushed once or twice with a contraction, and expressed the wish again that my water would break, and Raeann said she would help me with that if I wanted, but I said I'd wait one more contraction and see what happened. With that contraction, my water broke and Katelyn's head crowned. INTENSE is the only word I can use to describe what it feels like to have a baby crowning.
Well, she sat there for a moment while I tried to slow things down with my breath and give my body time to stretch and open, and then with the next contraction her head was born, and another contraction came right away (probably a double peaked contraction, now that I think about it) and I pushed right away and got those shoulders out, and she was born! It was 7:43 am, a 2.5 hour labor. She had one loop of loose nuchal cord, and lungs were a little wet, but she pinked right up and was breathing well within a few minutes.
Then comes the best part ever, getting to hold that sweet baby with Brandon by my side, making sure it's really a girl, and just looking into that sweet, brand-new little face--touching those little feet that have kicked and pushed inside me for so many months, putting a face with the little personality we've gotten to know for the last few weeks while she was still inside. Nothing like it.
I liked birthing in more of an upright position this time, because it gave me a minute after she was born to just catch my breath and own my body again without having the baby right there on me. It reminded me of this article. That little moment was very refreshing to me, and then I was able to turn around and lay upright in bed and love on my baby.
I was right, she was 9 and a quarter pounds, and I tore a little. I needed 5 or 6 stitches--this is my first time having stitches after birth, and I am totally a wimp about them! ugh. But Katelyn is such a great nurser (with a very strong suck--I've been more sore than with my boys, for sure), she was back to birth weight at 4 days old! And boy, those after-pains are nothing to mess around with after baby #3, yikes! She is also such a great sleeper, she sleeps through anything her brothers dish out--thank goodness! She seems to have reflux like Scott, but I've had her adjusted at the pediatric chiropractor and she seems to be doing better after that. We have one more appointment next week to see how the adjustment stuck.
It's been so wonderful to look back and see how a loving Father in Heaven prepared all the people we would need help from that day to be available for Katelyn's birth. She has fit right into to our family, and the boys love her so much. It's also been wonderful to have my parents down for almost a week and we are really thankful for all the meals from the ward and help from my in-laws watching the boys those first few days after Katelyn arrived. Thank you all, we love you!
Born 1 February 2013, 7:43 AM
at 38 weeks, 0 days gestation
9 lbs. 4 oz. 20.5 inches
(Here's Scott's birth story, and here's Caleb's, for comparison)
The last week of January, I was sort of wrapping things up. I performed in the closing show of "Florencia en el Amazonas" on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday were my last days of teaching voice lessons at home, and then I had a few other projects I wanted to finish up before I was 38 weeks along and the baby could come at any time. I had a feeling she would come on Feb 2 or 4, because both boys were born at 38 weeks 3 days, and I just had feelings about those days. At my Mother Blessing, which was held a couple weeks before, my friend Dana said that Feb 1 sounded like a great day to have a baby--her daughter was born on that day one year ago.
 |
| Last day of "Florencia en el Amazonas". So ready to be done. |
On Wednesday and Thursday of that week, I just felt like lounging all day. I knew there were things I could be getting done that would make life with a newborn easier, but I just couldn't bring myself to do them. I think my body was conserving energy. My emotional state was also interesting to me--I felt so done being pregnant, but I was really trying to temper those feelings, because I could conceivably be pregnant for another 4 weeks. (That thought made me want to bawl, by the way).
Raeann Peck, my angelic midwife, came over for a prenatal appointment on Wednesday, Jan. 30 and I cried through it. I think it was difficult for me to deal with feeling deep in my heart that the baby would be here soon, but knowing that I may need to be patient (and large and uncomfortable, etc) for another few days to weeks. Looking back, it was the same way I felt during the few days before I had Caleb.
At the end of our appointment, she told me she wouldn't be surprised if I had the baby within a week. I had checked myself a few days back, and I wasn't dilated or effaced. This was just her feeling. In fact, I knew she really did feel that way, she wasn't just saying that, because we both forgot to schedule the next weekly prenatal appointment--I had to call her back and put it on the books. And Raeann was right--we didn't end up needing that prenatal. :)
On the night of Thursday, Jan. 31, I was 37 weeks 6 days pregnant. Seth (Brandon's brother) was opening his mission call. He didn't get out of class until late that night and wouldn't be able to come up to West Jordan until 8:30pm (past my boys' bedtime as it is), and David and Sharon (Brandon's parents) were at a dinner that went longer than they expected. I knew it would be a stressful night (trying to put our boys down for bed is difficult at other places, and there were so many excited and loud people there, it was not happening), but I wasn't expecting that I would have such strong Braxton Hicks contractions on top of everything. So here I am, just wanting to stay at home and cry because I'm still pregnant and I'm trying to be patient, having pretty strong practice contractions, and trying to be happy and social around all these people (and not really succeeding--I was pretty grumpy, sorry everyone :).
 |
| At Seth's mission call opening. He was called to the Indonesia Jakarta Mission, by the way. |
In fact, at one point Eric (over Skype) asked me something about why I was in a bad mood, and I told him I was "in the zone, having contractions" and he asked if we were having a baby soon. Just to be snarky, I said "yes, we're having a baby tomorrow". As soon as I said that, though, I kind of knew it was true. I started to know things were getting serious, although my contractions were not following a pattern--I would have 3 or 4 in a row, every 7 minutes, and then I'd go for an hour and only have one or two, etc. When Sharon (my mother-in-law, a L&D nurse for many years) saw me after they got home from the dinner, she immediately said "Are you in labor?" to which I started crying and said "I don't know!" She said "that sounds familiar", because that's exactly the way I felt the night before I went into active labor with Caleb.
Well, Seth opened his mission call and will be serving in the Jakarta, Indonesia mission this May. We are so excited and happy for him! It was about 10:30 pm before we finally got home, and the boys got to sleep about 11pm. I remember when Brandon and I were finally in bed for the night, he asked me if I was still having contractions and he needed to time them (they had slowed down by that point) and made me promise that I would wake him up as soon as I thought they were the real thing.(I made the mistake of telling him about this 5-minute birth story a couple weeks before). Just in case, I had him pick up our bedroom a little, make sure the boys' suitcases were packed with clothes and diapers, and bring up my birth ball from the basement. I told him maybe we would have a baby the next day. I decided that, even if I am not really in labor, I'm going to wear my new comfy nightgown that I bought especially for labor. I deserve it, I tell myself. Then I went to sleep, and slept the night.
Feb. 1, 2013 5:15 AM 38 weeks 0 days pregnant
I am awakened by a contraction. This one is the real deal--bottom pressure, makes me need to concentrate and breathe through it to keep the rest of my body relaxed. I decide to time contractions for a bit before waking Brandon. A little before 6 AM, the contractions are more than a minute long and at least every 5 minutes in frequency, so I wake Brandon and ask him to call Raeann and text everyone who was at my Mother Blessing that I am in labor and ask them to light their candles. I also put on my Mother Blessing necklace, an action which is really helpful for me in admitting to myself that this was it, Delivery Day. Brandon sends out the texts and emails in to work to let his boss know he won't be there, and switches the sheets on our bed for some water-proof coverings. He also made me some scrambled eggs.
Raeann and Chyrelle, her birth assistant, arrive a little after 6AM. Interestingly, Raeann said that after her shift at the Jordan River Temple on Thursday night, she was overcome with sleep and went to bed earlier than she would normally have. She thought to herself "A baby is coming sometime tonight or tomorrow". :) Chyrelle said her body woke her up an hour earlier than she normally would, as well.
I was really hoping the boys would sleep late that morning because they were up so late the night before, but no, at 6:30 Scott wanders into my room while I'm laboring on hands and knees with my birth ball and says "Hi Mom! Hey, Grandma!!!!" He mistook Raeann for my mom, "The faraway Grandma". But he and Caleb were definitely awake, so Brandon took them downstairs to feed them breakfast and called Sharon to see if she could come get them. She said she had woken up at 5 that morning, too, and was just laying in bed thinking of Seth and of us and of her dad, who had recently passed, but who she feels has been very busy on the other side. She picked up our boys on her way from dropping off carpool at the charter school her boys attend. After that, things were much quieter and nice for this laboring mama. :)
I labored on hands and knees, hanging over my birth ball for a little over an hour. I would go back and forth from the bathroom as well, making sure my bladder stayed empty (I drank a lot of water and Powerade during labor). There was one particular contraction where I could actually feel my cervix just thin and lengthen and the baby's head slide down and engage. It was intense, and I really think with that one contraction I probably gained between 5 and 7 centimeters of dilation. Anyway, it was amazing to feel my body doing that work, and to just do my best to surrender to the amazing and fast changes that were taking place.
During these next few hours, Brandon was so great at being right next to me (after the boys were taken care of) and saying encouraging things in my ear. He is getting this down! Last time, with Caleb, I had to tell him what I needed him to say, but this time he was way on top of it. He remembered exactly the right spot I needed counterpressure on my back and everything. I love that man. He is wonderful, and I really needed his strength and presence during this birth.
After a couple of hours of active labor, at about 7:15 am, my legs start to be tired and I felt like I wanted to lay on my side in bed for awhile to rest them. I remember as I waited for a contraction to be over before I climbed up on my bed, I thought to myself "Why the *$%# did I think this was a good idea?!?" ("this" meaning "have another baby", "have her at home where there's no drugs to make this all go away" "have a vaginal birth at all, why didn't I just opt to be cut open, this really really sucks right about now"). And at the same time, a more rational part of my mind said "Awww, isn't that nice? You're in transition! You can do this! Your baby will be out of you soon, you just have to get through the pushing part." My multiple personalities make me laugh. :)
So I laid on my right side and had a few contractions on the bed that way. Then I said feebly to Raeann "I'm feeling pushy, but I'm afraid and I just want my water to break because I know I'll feel better after it does". I said this because, with Caleb and Scott, I felt less pressure and more ready to push after their waters broke. I was also feeling hesitant to push, because I knew how much it was going to hurt. I just had a sense that this baby was a big one, and I just didn't feel emotionally ready to push her out and go through all that pain yet. . Raeann said if I wanted her to, she would check me to see if I was fully dilated, but she kind of laughingly said that she was pretty sure I could push whenever I wanted. I think she knew I had been physically ready to push for awhile :). I said I did want her to check, and I felt her fingers touching the bulgy water bag. She said I was ready to go whenever I wanted. So I just talked myself into it for a minute.
I just laid on that bed and gave myself permission, out loud, to birth that baby. I said "It's time for her to be born now. It's time to push her out. You can do this. Your body was made to do this." and lots of other empowering statements like that until I felt ready to get in position and push. I felt like I wanted to be on my hands and knees, supported by my birth ball, up on my bed to give birth, so my birth attendants made that position happen for me. I felt more aggressive, less passive, in that position.
At about 7:35, I pushed once or twice with a contraction, and expressed the wish again that my water would break, and Raeann said she would help me with that if I wanted, but I said I'd wait one more contraction and see what happened. With that contraction, my water broke and Katelyn's head crowned. INTENSE is the only word I can use to describe what it feels like to have a baby crowning.
Well, she sat there for a moment while I tried to slow things down with my breath and give my body time to stretch and open, and then with the next contraction her head was born, and another contraction came right away (probably a double peaked contraction, now that I think about it) and I pushed right away and got those shoulders out, and she was born! It was 7:43 am, a 2.5 hour labor. She had one loop of loose nuchal cord, and lungs were a little wet, but she pinked right up and was breathing well within a few minutes.
Then comes the best part ever, getting to hold that sweet baby with Brandon by my side, making sure it's really a girl, and just looking into that sweet, brand-new little face--touching those little feet that have kicked and pushed inside me for so many months, putting a face with the little personality we've gotten to know for the last few weeks while she was still inside. Nothing like it.
I liked birthing in more of an upright position this time, because it gave me a minute after she was born to just catch my breath and own my body again without having the baby right there on me. It reminded me of this article. That little moment was very refreshing to me, and then I was able to turn around and lay upright in bed and love on my baby.
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| Raeann in the middle, Chyrelle on the right |
I was right, she was 9 and a quarter pounds, and I tore a little. I needed 5 or 6 stitches--this is my first time having stitches after birth, and I am totally a wimp about them! ugh. But Katelyn is such a great nurser (with a very strong suck--I've been more sore than with my boys, for sure), she was back to birth weight at 4 days old! And boy, those after-pains are nothing to mess around with after baby #3, yikes! She is also such a great sleeper, she sleeps through anything her brothers dish out--thank goodness! She seems to have reflux like Scott, but I've had her adjusted at the pediatric chiropractor and she seems to be doing better after that. We have one more appointment next week to see how the adjustment stuck.
It's been so wonderful to look back and see how a loving Father in Heaven prepared all the people we would need help from that day to be available for Katelyn's birth. She has fit right into to our family, and the boys love her so much. It's also been wonderful to have my parents down for almost a week and we are really thankful for all the meals from the ward and help from my in-laws watching the boys those first few days after Katelyn arrived. Thank you all, we love you!
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