As school is coming to an end, everything is just changing so drastically.It is obvious everyone is changing,maybe it is just the exam stress,maybe it is just temporary,it will be over after the exams are over.*Hopefully* The chances of things to stay the same as the old times are fading,i am losing confidence in it.
Everyone is a hyprocrite.All of us are.The only difference is whether it is in a good way or in a bad way.Some would pretend to be friend and later backstabbed you.While some,in a good way,would always put up a nonchalant,pretending that everything is alright,while there is something inside waiting to burst out to not burden the others.They would hid their feelings,and remain their composure.
I am just tired.Pretending on the surface that nothing happened when there is practically a war going inside me.I need to let it out,but whats the use?As Jill said,'Dont burden other people!They already have so many things in mind,the least you could do is not to add to the pile.' I just could not agree more.Everyone is going through the same phase.So what makes me different?
I just have to hope i have the will to survive this hurdle.
Friday, October 20, 2006
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Everyone is in the doldrums,feeling blue and down,not forgetting the frustration,the disappointment.Dont be surprised,this is the after-effects of our Trials.It usually happens to everyone after every exam,but this happened to be the worst one of all,maybe because its the 'Trials'.With this,you can know actually where you stand,knowing you own capabilities and the possible A's you might get in SPM,the chance to grab a good scholarship.
People tells me i have no right to complain about my results,with all the A's and everything.But please remember i am still human.Human are greedy creatures,who just yearns for more than they could chunk in,they tend to bite off more than they could chew and the disappointment that comes after it can be rather unbearable.They strive and yearn for the best and want the best too.This inevitably leads to competition,comparing one to another.Which later,often leads to some irrational actions.
I never did and never will deny that i can be rather competitive at times.Although i didn't expect that much of it,but there was still this disappointment sometimes.There is always this feeling that i could have done better than this,this is not good enough.Yes some people might get lower,but that doesnt mean i must be content with what i have.Being all disconsolated,the last thing i need is someone making comments about how i am suppose to be satisfied with what i have.Well,in real fact i am not.I just can't put on a face and nonchalantly said i am.I JUST CANT! Sorry if i don't care about other people's feelings,i have mine to care about.
I never felt so frustrated being beaten by someone in a particular subject before.But when i knew my marks,the fire in my heart just flared up.I just could not help it but feel frustrated with myself for not beating you.I could not accept that fact.My anger just went out of control.All i know was that i was pissed.I really dont know why i really mind about you beating me.Maybe it is because of the past,plus what you are doing in the present.For the other subjects,there is the disappointment but not the frustration.Yes,i got to admit,the urge and adrenaline of beating everyone is strong in me.It is plain glory and satisfying,maybe i am greedy,but who does not want that,especially if you are just one,two marks away from the top and it is due to my hard work not because of some 'connections' and extra 'tips'.
No one is flawless.I tend to be greedy,competitive,rather egoistic at times too.And i can't deny it.You have to accept who I am.I know you are sad too,but that gives you no right to snap at me too.And yes,although my marks was not ideal,gives me no right to call someone a 'b****' too.I sincerly apologise to her.
So many people told me that i should ignore and not care about other people.But i can't.It is just inside me.I am in quandary.I am telling myself not to care,but i do.I tried to ignore but fail to do so.I try to be sanguine,but i am still a pessimist.'Ignorance is a bliss','Dont look at other papers','You will show them at the real thing','it is either you let go now or after SPM,why take the longer route and torture yourself more','Karma,they will get what they want','You have to try to ignore,tell if you need to','Those who cheat are dumb','Just let it go'.So many advice but nothing seem to go through my thick,hard skull.
People tells me i have no right to complain about my results,with all the A's and everything.But please remember i am still human.Human are greedy creatures,who just yearns for more than they could chunk in,they tend to bite off more than they could chew and the disappointment that comes after it can be rather unbearable.They strive and yearn for the best and want the best too.This inevitably leads to competition,comparing one to another.Which later,often leads to some irrational actions.
I never did and never will deny that i can be rather competitive at times.Although i didn't expect that much of it,but there was still this disappointment sometimes.There is always this feeling that i could have done better than this,this is not good enough.Yes some people might get lower,but that doesnt mean i must be content with what i have.Being all disconsolated,the last thing i need is someone making comments about how i am suppose to be satisfied with what i have.Well,in real fact i am not.I just can't put on a face and nonchalantly said i am.I JUST CANT! Sorry if i don't care about other people's feelings,i have mine to care about.
I never felt so frustrated being beaten by someone in a particular subject before.But when i knew my marks,the fire in my heart just flared up.I just could not help it but feel frustrated with myself for not beating you.I could not accept that fact.My anger just went out of control.All i know was that i was pissed.I really dont know why i really mind about you beating me.Maybe it is because of the past,plus what you are doing in the present.For the other subjects,there is the disappointment but not the frustration.Yes,i got to admit,the urge and adrenaline of beating everyone is strong in me.It is plain glory and satisfying,maybe i am greedy,but who does not want that,especially if you are just one,two marks away from the top and it is due to my hard work not because of some 'connections' and extra 'tips'.
No one is flawless.I tend to be greedy,competitive,rather egoistic at times too.And i can't deny it.You have to accept who I am.I know you are sad too,but that gives you no right to snap at me too.And yes,although my marks was not ideal,gives me no right to call someone a 'b****' too.I sincerly apologise to her.
So many people told me that i should ignore and not care about other people.But i can't.It is just inside me.I am in quandary.I am telling myself not to care,but i do.I tried to ignore but fail to do so.I try to be sanguine,but i am still a pessimist.'Ignorance is a bliss','Dont look at other papers','You will show them at the real thing','it is either you let go now or after SPM,why take the longer route and torture yourself more','Karma,they will get what they want','You have to try to ignore,tell if you need to','Those who cheat are dumb','Just let it go'.So many advice but nothing seem to go through my thick,hard skull.