Whee,the exam burden has lifted but things are as hectic as ever.I even spent my last day of school,worrying about Teachers' Day backdrop,Taylor accounting quiz and Biology PEKA,not forgetting the games for Teachers' Day.Rushing to get everything done.During this holidays,luckily i only have to come on a few specific days,for prefects performance,Accounts class then tuition classes.This holidays wont be enjoyable thats a guarantee.One things is for sure is Mrs Rozario is going to give us back our Accounts paper the next time she sees us,that is during the holidays, and she is really determinded to give us a hard time on it.Scolding,strangling and killing all of us.It is going to be another 2 hours of lecture.*sigh* When school reopen,life would be all about "stress" and "hectic".I have to make sure the backdrops are done.I did the half the backdrop for Teachers' Day but the designs are not up yet,while i happily forgotten about the Prefects Gathering and lucky for me there isnt a theme yet.So screw the backdrop.I hope we can just have Prefects Day without a backdrop,life would be so much easier.To add to our misery,Prefects Day is the day after Teachers' Day.So this means we have to prepare for two days performance.TWO.Not forgetting we have to put up a SPECTACULAR show as everyone is looking towards the opening ceremony.Besides performances and backdrop preparations,there is the Teachers' Day games,which i was suppose to plan and tell Pn Siva during the last day of school, and the whole Prefect Gathering to plan.I too make sure Prefect Gathering is held smoothly.Lucky for me,i have FK who actually worries about everything and would help me,sharing my burden.After the hectic Teachers Day and Prefect Gathering week,soon Speech Day is around the corner.That time you wont even see me in class.Check,chopping and arranging thousands of certificates would be a job i would never miss,ever.And i am not joking there are at least a thousands certifcates.Going for the "raptai",standing for hours and making sure everyone "take" their certs is going to be tiring.And to tell you frankly i might not even be there for Speech Day,which makes me in a deeper shit than i am.I am so screwed by FK and Pn Nancy.Argh.But we shall see whether i make it to the final round for the accounting quiz anot.Then as Pn Tee said,"The finals round for the Taylor accounting quiz is on Speech day,but just see what happens".Somehow i was happy i get to get out of Speech day,but another part of me tells me im so gonna get killed.I shall just follow the flow and if the flow is too rapid and kills me,good luck to me then.=s After Speech Day would be our step down,somehow it is a relief, but yet there is still so many things to do,especially the performances,then sayonaro(no idea how to spell),Prefects days are over,what a relief.No more being compared to a normal students,saying as a prefect we should be outstanding.No more doing duties/helping teachers and being scolded for being late or not coming in to class or accused of 'ponteng' class.No more rushing Mondays,where the teachers just come and say there are prizes to be given out and they'll just throw everything to you,and if everything dont to goes well,they just start screaming at you.*phew* cant wait for that to happen.
Da Vinci Code was really good.Although it was a 18-PL show,i managed to go in,together with Sheel and Val,who are only 15.Yes we were a little afraid,thinking what would happen if we couldnt go in.But lucky for us,we managed to go in,although Val almost got caught.The show was great,for a movie which i read the book beforehand.They didnt cut much of the storylines,compared to HP4 and Memoirs of a Geisha.Well,maybe i lower my expectations or because Tom Hanks was a good actor,i dont know.Overall,you all should go watch the show.
Monday, May 29, 2006
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Momentarily Independence
Thanks Sam for the extra publictiy,really appreciate it.To my fans?wth....Yes,Sam can be rather defiant and rebellious,opposing everything i ask.To Jill and Fern,no hard feeling for not telling you ya.It's just that my writing skills are not that good,more to terrible and horrendous.Iim not even exaggerating,giving myself extra credit somemore.So,hmm,sorry.I <3 you all.
One more day left and we will gain "independence".Fine,most of us consider today's paper as our last paper.Today was a hectic day.Biology paper 3,Accounts paper 1 and,last but not least,Chemistry paper 3.*phew* was I ever glad that today is over.
Two weeks ago,i was wondering how am i going to live through this day,another 2-hours-sleep or another sleepess nights?But nay,thanks to some extra information,i managed to sleep at 1.Somehow,my body got adjusted to my 2 hours sleep and i woke up at 5.5!!Damn. I changed during this whole exams.3 weeks ago,i would scoff at the idea of getting the papers or tips for the exams.First week was BM,English,Maths and Add Maths.The idea of getting tips never existed in my mind.During the 2nd week,whenever i come to school,people seems to give me the tips.5 minutes before the bloody exam.Dont see much use,but at least it is better than nothing.But inside me,there seems to be this anger arousing inside me,contempt towards those paper who actually knew,and especially those who actually have the paper and memorised the bloody answers.Somehow i managed to last through the week.A day before our history paper,someone sent me the tips for the history paper.I was really shocked at the moment,thinking whether i should just ignore it.My hunch was to keep the message,just incase.Then,on Sunday,i couldnt concentrate and study History at all.8pm and i havent start the form 4 syllabus at all.I panicked,in the verge of breaking down.I didnt know what to do,so i was desperate,i actually read the tips.I didnt really read the other topics,somehow flew through the whole book.I was rather grateful with the tips,without it,i think i would not even take the exam.And if i do not take this exam,there would be loads of trouble for me.So thanks to u,who gave me the tips.Im really grateful.Then the next day,was chemistry,there was tips too.I didnt ask for them,they was just sent over.But the tips was rather general,so it was not that bad.I didnt feel so guilty.Yesterday,went i came home,she sent to me the tips again.Besides her,there was another person.From 8.30 and 9.30,tips for Biology and Chemistry paper 3 was "going" in and out of my handphone.I was sms-ing near to 10 people at one shot.Receiving tips and sending them.At the end,there was so many similarities with the tips i received that i concluded what was coming out.And yes,it did came out exactly.I felt rather guilty though.Although i did read everything,just incase,but somehow,in my opinion,that is not how you take an exams.Walking into an examination hall with just the tips and memorising all of them just defeats the purpose of having exams.To many people,they probably roll their eyes and say,"Please,without the tips you would score in your papers anyway."But have they ever thought that that is not the point.It is better to mess up now then later in your SPM exams.As i said,i changed,i became desperate and depended on it.Why?All i can say is that i was lazy and studying last minute usually works for me,but not this time,there was just so many things and so little time.Time seems to be flying past and i became worried.Panicked.My mind was saying,'many people in my class knew what was coming out,even those "smart" people.So why should i not have the tips?there is no reason why.'But there is still this guilt and i felt bad.It is just wrong and not ethical.*sigh*
How obvious can the answer be?Philosophers and accountants,they have such vast difference.I cant believe they can actually ask to choose between Ptolemy,Plato,Luca Paciolli and Aristole.Sam and i just burst out laughing when we read the question.Hello?Duh,if anyone dont know this,you just made me speechless.
Pn Haida was in a sarcastic mood today.When she came in,she asked YL with full of surprise,sarcastic more like it,"You are taking the exam.Are you ready for the exam?"I was shocked.Ouch.How sarcastic can she be?Then she said,"I hope you will do well for the next exam.Full-swing.I dont blame you,most of your time spent last year was not in school." Imagine,saying it in front of the whole class,and everyone know what it meant.=s If it was me,i really dont know how to react.YL just calmly sit there,ignoring her.Pn Haida is mean.Ditto.
I feel so dumb.I made it so obvious that we knew what was coming out.Before the Chemistry paper 3,MX,Sam and i was reading Chem,how temperature affects the rate of reaction.Suddenly Pn Haida came over,and was looking at what we were reading.She said,'Not important'.Then,she started flipping the pages and closed my book,'Nothing you read now is important.Nothing is going to go in'.Fine,doesnt matter anyway,in fact,nothing was going in,the joy of taking the last paper.Then when we distributed the paper and told us about the correction,she said something like(not sure),"Now i know why all of you were reading the same page."Somehow,i think it is said to MX,Sam and I as we were reading the same page before the exams.So much for keeping a low profile and not letting the teachers.Dumb.
Ms Winnie was rather "cute" or "weird" during our Chemistry exam.At 12.45,some people finished the paper and wanted to sleep but she didnt let them.She announced to our class,"If you sleep,i am going to penalise 5 marks."Unbelievable?Yes,i know.But Ms Winnie actually means what she says so everyone sat up and started checking the paper.Sam caught my eye,and we starred at each other,full with bewilderment.So since they could sleep,they was asking her for the string to tie their paper,which she said she will only distribute the string at 12.55,in the meantime,we are to check our paper until we are sick of it.But i was thankful,spotted whole lot of question,seeing how i messed up this paper after correecting so many mistakes.=s Then after she collected our paper,we started talking about the paper.Ms Winnie,"No use talking about the papers,i have the answers" Swtz.=s She continued about how we should study during the holidays,explainning to us that she marked our paper 1 already,fast i know,compared us to 5K,sayiing our standard is near to each other.=s Sorry but i dont like the way teachers compare us to the other classes.They are not dumb,in fact they are rather smart,so we should not compare it this way,they can beat all of us too.
You disappoint me.I see no point if you are going to memorise everything.Study smart not study hard.Memorising everything,every single word,every single digit and every single calcualtion is not going to get you anywhere.You should try to understand what you are doing,and not do it blindly,self-application.It would help alot if you understand what you are doing and not by memorising.And if you are not ready for the exams,begging for question,getting exactly what is coming for the exams wont get you anywhere in the future.Sometimes you just disappoint me,you are smart,and you have a brilliant mind with a very good memory,but studying blindly or taking short cuts,is not a solution.
Thanks Jill for suggesting to put my picture.Gave me a shock of my life to see my picture up there.I was wondering why,not that i was the first or anything.I wanted to go find the culprit and kill her,but the killing part didnt come true.Maybe i should do that.=s I tell you,nobody is going to buy the pictures,you have my word.=p
I cant believe Sam actually got me to download the scrabble software.Damn.Scrabble freaks.*sigh* I am ok with scrabble dont exactly loathe it or anything,but i would definitely not be a hobby.It is just so wrong.Lets just say i dont go well with words and alphabets,numbers are more my thing.So Sam,if i suck in scrabble,sorry to disappoint you.
*Listening to Dont Stop Me Now by Queens.The song rox.*
One more day left and we will gain "independence".Fine,most of us consider today's paper as our last paper.Today was a hectic day.Biology paper 3,Accounts paper 1 and,last but not least,Chemistry paper 3.*phew* was I ever glad that today is over.
Two weeks ago,i was wondering how am i going to live through this day,another 2-hours-sleep or another sleepess nights?But nay,thanks to some extra information,i managed to sleep at 1.Somehow,my body got adjusted to my 2 hours sleep and i woke up at 5.5!!Damn. I changed during this whole exams.3 weeks ago,i would scoff at the idea of getting the papers or tips for the exams.First week was BM,English,Maths and Add Maths.The idea of getting tips never existed in my mind.During the 2nd week,whenever i come to school,people seems to give me the tips.5 minutes before the bloody exam.Dont see much use,but at least it is better than nothing.But inside me,there seems to be this anger arousing inside me,contempt towards those paper who actually knew,and especially those who actually have the paper and memorised the bloody answers.Somehow i managed to last through the week.A day before our history paper,someone sent me the tips for the history paper.I was really shocked at the moment,thinking whether i should just ignore it.My hunch was to keep the message,just incase.Then,on Sunday,i couldnt concentrate and study History at all.8pm and i havent start the form 4 syllabus at all.I panicked,in the verge of breaking down.I didnt know what to do,so i was desperate,i actually read the tips.I didnt really read the other topics,somehow flew through the whole book.I was rather grateful with the tips,without it,i think i would not even take the exam.And if i do not take this exam,there would be loads of trouble for me.So thanks to u,who gave me the tips.Im really grateful.Then the next day,was chemistry,there was tips too.I didnt ask for them,they was just sent over.But the tips was rather general,so it was not that bad.I didnt feel so guilty.Yesterday,went i came home,she sent to me the tips again.Besides her,there was another person.From 8.30 and 9.30,tips for Biology and Chemistry paper 3 was "going" in and out of my handphone.I was sms-ing near to 10 people at one shot.Receiving tips and sending them.At the end,there was so many similarities with the tips i received that i concluded what was coming out.And yes,it did came out exactly.I felt rather guilty though.Although i did read everything,just incase,but somehow,in my opinion,that is not how you take an exams.Walking into an examination hall with just the tips and memorising all of them just defeats the purpose of having exams.To many people,they probably roll their eyes and say,"Please,without the tips you would score in your papers anyway."But have they ever thought that that is not the point.It is better to mess up now then later in your SPM exams.As i said,i changed,i became desperate and depended on it.Why?All i can say is that i was lazy and studying last minute usually works for me,but not this time,there was just so many things and so little time.Time seems to be flying past and i became worried.Panicked.My mind was saying,'many people in my class knew what was coming out,even those "smart" people.So why should i not have the tips?there is no reason why.'But there is still this guilt and i felt bad.It is just wrong and not ethical.*sigh*
How obvious can the answer be?Philosophers and accountants,they have such vast difference.I cant believe they can actually ask to choose between Ptolemy,Plato,Luca Paciolli and Aristole.Sam and i just burst out laughing when we read the question.Hello?Duh,if anyone dont know this,you just made me speechless.
Pn Haida was in a sarcastic mood today.When she came in,she asked YL with full of surprise,sarcastic more like it,"You are taking the exam.Are you ready for the exam?"I was shocked.Ouch.How sarcastic can she be?Then she said,"I hope you will do well for the next exam.Full-swing.I dont blame you,most of your time spent last year was not in school." Imagine,saying it in front of the whole class,and everyone know what it meant.=s If it was me,i really dont know how to react.YL just calmly sit there,ignoring her.Pn Haida is mean.Ditto.
I feel so dumb.I made it so obvious that we knew what was coming out.Before the Chemistry paper 3,MX,Sam and i was reading Chem,how temperature affects the rate of reaction.Suddenly Pn Haida came over,and was looking at what we were reading.She said,'Not important'.Then,she started flipping the pages and closed my book,'Nothing you read now is important.Nothing is going to go in'.Fine,doesnt matter anyway,in fact,nothing was going in,the joy of taking the last paper.Then when we distributed the paper and told us about the correction,she said something like(not sure),"Now i know why all of you were reading the same page."Somehow,i think it is said to MX,Sam and I as we were reading the same page before the exams.So much for keeping a low profile and not letting the teachers.Dumb.
Ms Winnie was rather "cute" or "weird" during our Chemistry exam.At 12.45,some people finished the paper and wanted to sleep but she didnt let them.She announced to our class,"If you sleep,i am going to penalise 5 marks."Unbelievable?Yes,i know.But Ms Winnie actually means what she says so everyone sat up and started checking the paper.Sam caught my eye,and we starred at each other,full with bewilderment.So since they could sleep,they was asking her for the string to tie their paper,which she said she will only distribute the string at 12.55,in the meantime,we are to check our paper until we are sick of it.But i was thankful,spotted whole lot of question,seeing how i messed up this paper after correecting so many mistakes.=s Then after she collected our paper,we started talking about the paper.Ms Winnie,"No use talking about the papers,i have the answers" Swtz.=s She continued about how we should study during the holidays,explainning to us that she marked our paper 1 already,fast i know,compared us to 5K,sayiing our standard is near to each other.=s Sorry but i dont like the way teachers compare us to the other classes.They are not dumb,in fact they are rather smart,so we should not compare it this way,they can beat all of us too.
You disappoint me.I see no point if you are going to memorise everything.Study smart not study hard.Memorising everything,every single word,every single digit and every single calcualtion is not going to get you anywhere.You should try to understand what you are doing,and not do it blindly,self-application.It would help alot if you understand what you are doing and not by memorising.And if you are not ready for the exams,begging for question,getting exactly what is coming for the exams wont get you anywhere in the future.Sometimes you just disappoint me,you are smart,and you have a brilliant mind with a very good memory,but studying blindly or taking short cuts,is not a solution.
Thanks Jill for suggesting to put my picture.Gave me a shock of my life to see my picture up there.I was wondering why,not that i was the first or anything.I wanted to go find the culprit and kill her,but the killing part didnt come true.Maybe i should do that.=s I tell you,nobody is going to buy the pictures,you have my word.=p
I cant believe Sam actually got me to download the scrabble software.Damn.Scrabble freaks.*sigh* I am ok with scrabble dont exactly loathe it or anything,but i would definitely not be a hobby.It is just so wrong.Lets just say i dont go well with words and alphabets,numbers are more my thing.So Sam,if i suck in scrabble,sorry to disappoint you.
*Listening to Dont Stop Me Now by Queens.The song rox.*
Saturday, May 20, 2006
CHS Tribute
Wanted to blog about this yesterday but it slipped my mind.Yesterday,my sister was talking on the phone with her friend.When she put down the phone,she started complaining about her friend and how she have to buy more books.Great,psycho friend who have 3 workbook for each subject and she is currently in form 2.And this is only Mid-year.She read finish her History book and seeing how they study,she could probably tell you the content in the page by just telling her the page number.Me?I dont even have one workbook for each subject(excluding past-year papers),and i am in Form 5,taking my Diagnostik paper, messing every single paper there is possible.How am i suppose to sit my SPM examination?Seeing how things are going now,i just have to say Good Luck in taking your SPM examination and GoodBye 11A's.
I was flipping through the pages of my Biology book.I saw something that caught my eye,something i wrote and it was the exact question that came out for the Biology paper.ARGH!I didnt really know how to answer of the question and scribbled some dumb answers.
Jebbie,Thanks,i know i Rock.=p
I was flipping through the pages of my Biology book.I saw something that caught my eye,something i wrote and it was the exact question that came out for the Biology paper.ARGH!I didnt really know how to answer of the question and scribbled some dumb answers.
Jebbie,Thanks,i know i Rock.=p
Friday, May 19, 2006
Tiring Week
Second week of exams and i am sick of them already.Dont know how am i going to leave through the next one.My only hope for a stupid A1 for one the 3 science subject just went down the drain.I managed to mess up my Physic's last paper,Paper 3,the eksperiment part.Congrats Lisa,good job.You are getting NIL out of 12 for it.GREAT!!!And the question was about Electric, and i messed that up.ELECTRIC!I should reconsider my ambition now.An Engineer who sucks in the electric subject.Yahoo!You will make a very good engineer in the future,if you still want to become one,seeing how you suck in it.You can always choose civil engineering.It is another choice.
Hah,biology was never my favourite subject and it just became a heavier burden.Well,i managed to screw that up too.Gentian gelendong = gentian gelondang? Human have penglihatan monokular?Great,dumb mistakes,for dumb people.Just great.Today,when Pn Maryati was giving out the Biology test paper,i caught a glimpse of the back paper and saw this picture of a plant,and under my breathe i said,"shit".But somehow i said it too loud and Pn Maryati heard me and she starting asking me,"Shit apa?".Damn.Everyone starting looking at me,i was so embarassed.I was telling Nit luckily i didnt say the Eff word,or else,hah,meet your death!Then later someone sweared the Eff word which not only i heard,Sam too and Sam is like way across the class,shockingly Pn Maryati didnt hear anything or maybe she just pretended not to hear.And it wasnt me Sam,it might be Li Nar or Cat.
Both Physics and Biology turned out to be a disaster.Horrible paper. And to say i actually stay up until 4am to study and finish reading the syllabus.2 hours of pathetic sleep,i never did that before, and i screwed the papers up.DAMN!This taught me that last minute work will not do anymore.Cramming whatever you have been learning for the past 2 years in one night is plain absurd and plain dumb.Maybe i deserve whatever marks im going to get in this exams,all the screwed up marks,even Accounts,and may this be a lesson.I made a promise to myself that i will study consistently after this exam but "No Action Talk Only" seems to exist in my dictionary.I would just laze around and when Trials comes,bang,i should just take a gun and kill myself.
Sam wrote a post about how she was ignoring me.Actually i never felt ignored and shoved aside.Although she always say, "Please la! You are still going to get higher marks than me anyway!" but she does listen to me too.I know that i am just making her more tensed up but the exams but i couldnt help it,i just need to let out my anger.I have been making all this stupid mistakes in the exams and i just feel so DUMB!I know i could have done better,but no i am too lazy and now i have to pay the consequences.Sam dont worry,you never ignored me even if you feel that way.I know i do stress you up when i talked about how i messed up in the exams.You have been there for me,as far as i am concerned.Thanks ya!If i ever make you tensed up or maybe feel "dumb"(which your not),SORRY!
And cheers to all who were honest and true to yourself in the exams,although you might get a lower mark in this exam but not to worry,you know your standard and there is still time to make a come back.To those who actually saw the paper and have it,i wish you luck in your SPM.I hope you get a copy of it too.Peace.=p
Hah,biology was never my favourite subject and it just became a heavier burden.Well,i managed to screw that up too.Gentian gelendong = gentian gelondang? Human have penglihatan monokular?Great,dumb mistakes,for dumb people.Just great.Today,when Pn Maryati was giving out the Biology test paper,i caught a glimpse of the back paper and saw this picture of a plant,and under my breathe i said,"shit".But somehow i said it too loud and Pn Maryati heard me and she starting asking me,"Shit apa?".Damn.Everyone starting looking at me,i was so embarassed.I was telling Nit luckily i didnt say the Eff word,or else,hah,meet your death!Then later someone sweared the Eff word which not only i heard,Sam too and Sam is like way across the class,shockingly Pn Maryati didnt hear anything or maybe she just pretended not to hear.And it wasnt me Sam,it might be Li Nar or Cat.
Both Physics and Biology turned out to be a disaster.Horrible paper. And to say i actually stay up until 4am to study and finish reading the syllabus.2 hours of pathetic sleep,i never did that before, and i screwed the papers up.DAMN!This taught me that last minute work will not do anymore.Cramming whatever you have been learning for the past 2 years in one night is plain absurd and plain dumb.Maybe i deserve whatever marks im going to get in this exams,all the screwed up marks,even Accounts,and may this be a lesson.I made a promise to myself that i will study consistently after this exam but "No Action Talk Only" seems to exist in my dictionary.I would just laze around and when Trials comes,bang,i should just take a gun and kill myself.
Sam wrote a post about how she was ignoring me.Actually i never felt ignored and shoved aside.Although she always say, "Please la! You are still going to get higher marks than me anyway!" but she does listen to me too.I know that i am just making her more tensed up but the exams but i couldnt help it,i just need to let out my anger.I have been making all this stupid mistakes in the exams and i just feel so DUMB!I know i could have done better,but no i am too lazy and now i have to pay the consequences.Sam dont worry,you never ignored me even if you feel that way.I know i do stress you up when i talked about how i messed up in the exams.You have been there for me,as far as i am concerned.Thanks ya!If i ever make you tensed up or maybe feel "dumb"(which your not),SORRY!
And cheers to all who were honest and true to yourself in the exams,although you might get a lower mark in this exam but not to worry,you know your standard and there is still time to make a come back.To those who actually saw the paper and have it,i wish you luck in your SPM.I hope you get a copy of it too.Peace.=p
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Thanks Sammi
Tomorrow is Mothers' Day.My mom,sister and i went shopping yesterday.At first the plan was, my mom was to suppose to buy her own present as we had exams and had to study.Then she started,"Not sincere one.So pathetic i have to buy my own present.Fine,i go buy my present alone.Shop alone." I felt a little guilty,so Feli and i accompanied her to buy her present.Now, im glad to say i got my mom a present.A rather expensive one though,RM288.An EYE massager,which burnt a hole in my pocket.Obviously my mom had to pay some and my sisters chipped in.Well,only one of them.The other one just chipped in RM18.Damn.Not even 10% out of the price.But as my mother said,it is the thoughts that count.Seeing Feli,just be glad with what she gave.My mom and i was making fun of her,it is difficult to even get 10 cents out of her,let alone RM18.So be grateful.So,hmm,cant do much about it.
Today,Sam smsed me at around 9,saying i am so busy studying,neglecting her and never sms her for 2 days.But actually, at the same time i wanted to sms her,but was rather scpetical as i didnt want to disturb her.Then we started chatting about stuff,Mothers Day,exams and studies.Starting talking about this thingy called Epilator,this hair remover,which god knows what is it.I was blur,"Why did you want something to remove your hair(thinking about the hair on top of our hair not the one on the body).If you want to remove hair,cant you just cut(shaving was another choice)?Then she explained to me what it actually was.Opps,my mistake,cant help it,i never knew much about removing hair.
I also told Sam that i had this new blog,but didnt want to tell her the website.No use reading this blog,it would only make you more depressed,Sam.Duh!Read the blog name,how comforting can it get?Only one word goes through the mind,"DEPRESSING",and you are damn right about it.Then she sent me this message,
"Dear god,please hear my prayer.I want the recipient of this message to behappy always even if it means shortening my life.Because i would never want to see her unhappy.She made me feel special,loved and cared for and i look back again and realize this cruel world was worth living after all.She might not know how much she means to me but i just want her to have your blessings in life.Even when the whole world is against her,i need your help to whisper these words into her heart:Sam might not understand what you are going through but when you need a shoulder to cry on,she'll offer hers and cry along with you.God,keep this a secret among us coz even if you dont tell her,i know she still realizes how much I LOVE HER.Amen."
I felt so touch.If i could, i just wanted to go to her house and hug her and never let go,but unfortunately that is not possible.I was in a mood to show my affection and started messaging all this message to her,expressing how i really felt,which Sam felt touched to and wanted to cry.
I dont know how to express my feeling and gratitude, Sam.All i can say is,"Thanks Sam.I really needed it.You made my day.I <3 YOU."
Today,Sam smsed me at around 9,saying i am so busy studying,neglecting her and never sms her for 2 days.But actually, at the same time i wanted to sms her,but was rather scpetical as i didnt want to disturb her.Then we started chatting about stuff,Mothers Day,exams and studies.Starting talking about this thingy called Epilator,this hair remover,which god knows what is it.I was blur,"Why did you want something to remove your hair(thinking about the hair on top of our hair not the one on the body).If you want to remove hair,cant you just cut(shaving was another choice)?Then she explained to me what it actually was.Opps,my mistake,cant help it,i never knew much about removing hair.
I also told Sam that i had this new blog,but didnt want to tell her the website.No use reading this blog,it would only make you more depressed,Sam.Duh!Read the blog name,how comforting can it get?Only one word goes through the mind,"DEPRESSING",and you are damn right about it.Then she sent me this message,
"Dear god,please hear my prayer.I want the recipient of this message to behappy always even if it means shortening my life.Because i would never want to see her unhappy.She made me feel special,loved and cared for and i look back again and realize this cruel world was worth living after all.She might not know how much she means to me but i just want her to have your blessings in life.Even when the whole world is against her,i need your help to whisper these words into her heart:Sam might not understand what you are going through but when you need a shoulder to cry on,she'll offer hers and cry along with you.God,keep this a secret among us coz even if you dont tell her,i know she still realizes how much I LOVE HER.Amen."
I felt so touch.If i could, i just wanted to go to her house and hug her and never let go,but unfortunately that is not possible.I was in a mood to show my affection and started messaging all this message to her,expressing how i really felt,which Sam felt touched to and wanted to cry.
I dont know how to express my feeling and gratitude, Sam.All i can say is,"Thanks Sam.I really needed it.You made my day.I <3 YOU."
Saturday, May 13, 2006
Depressing week
It's been 5 months since i even blogged.Not surprising,not that i am the kind who actually blogs,n0ot even once a month.No idea why i have the sudden urge to blog today.but i needed to let out my feelings somehow.Tried blasting to the radio,listening to music,hitting walls.Nothing really works,wanting to shout too but ,nay,people will think im crazy.Im not the kind who cries too,so definitely not my way of expressing my feelings.
This week our exams started and it didnt really go too well as i expected.I never feel so tensed up and stressed out about an examination before.i even tried preparing beforehand,juggling with everyhting,with my homework,tuition,prefefct duties and everything to at least allocate a time to study everyday,which sometimes didnt really worked out,but it seem like everything i did just backfire,nothing went really well during this examination period.First was the BM examination.Goddamn it,i slept at 1 something to read komsas,which the next day i went to school and everyone knew what was coming out already.The trouble i went through.But i comfort myself,thinking never mind at least you are ready,which i have my doubts about it too.When i saw the BM paper 1,i was thinking,ok at least i think i could answer this.Everything went ok for the paper but when i saw the paper 2,i was cursing.The rumusan,tatabahasa and the novel part,i knew what was coming out 10 minutes before the paper, was ok.But the komsas part was plain hard n ridibulous.Why would i want to be Hang Tuah and prevent myself from killing Hang Jebat,and anyway Hang Tuah wanted to kill Hang Jebat not that he was reluctant or anything right?Then Anak Laut came out.I didnt really like this sajak(or whatever is it) to start with,very hard to comprehend this novel,talking about this old fisherman.Then they asked how can the fishermen imrpove their lifestyle?Dude,how am i to know?Im no fisherman,or fisherwoman.Anyway,i doubt they can do anything,they have to depend on other people.
The 2nd day was my English paper.I totally blank out.Whoever who said that government examination are easy.Screw them.The paper was harder than the English paper we usually take.I looked at the question,hoping there would be at least one out of the five question they gave that i have ideas about what to write,but N-O.Nothing.I have nothing to write for all the question,even the directed writing.I didnt know what to do,but i have no choice,time is ticking and im losing precious time.So i started with the directed writing,i wrote it 3 times.Imainge,but i was rather satisfied compared to the other continuous writing.I totally crap my way through the whole paper.I didnt know what to do,but had to start.I picked a random topic and started to write.I was thinking and writing,and the story that i produced was more than farfetched,it was plain absurd.What the hell! then after recess was our paper 2.Lets just say i managed to screw that up too.So much for my A in English.It just went out the window and died on the spot.
Then it was Maths.The third day,well i expected myself to just fly through today,at least it was one of the few A's i could get seeing how this examination is going.We started with paper 2.Damn,was i wrong.I was so stressed during the whole paper.I was ok until i reached the graph part.I like Maths but not anything that got to do with graph,so i spent alot of time drawing the graphs.And there was like so many graphs,and statistics question.I hated graph and statistics,and they had to ask so many question on it.I usually get a little tensed doing graph so when we had to do 3 or is it 4 graph i was in no mood at all.Then there was this question which i totally blanked out.Damn,my mood detoriorated.Then there was this 'min' question which i was counting,pressing the numbers like nobody else business.First time i pressed i got this answer,the next time i tried again,different answer.Then i starting punching in numbers for another 10 tries,and everytime there is this different answer.i was in a major bad moood,whats the use of a calculator if everytime you get a different answer.I felt like throwing my calculator.At last,i found my stupid mistake,i copied the question wrongly.I was like WTF.I hate statistics.Lucky for me,paper 1 was rather easy,and i sailed through it.
Fourth day is add maths.Everyone is like please la,dont you complain,you will probably score in it.But this make me more stressed out,what if i screw up,what if i just blank out,what if i dunno,what if anything.I cant take it if just lose my A.This made me more stressed out.Is like everyone gave me this hope and pressure and if i screwed up the impact on me is worst.i thought i was ready,at least this was the first time i actually did not study add maths last minutes.i started a week before but it was only 3 chapters.Well at least i started but now,somehow add maths didnt go too well.Paper one was ok but paper 2 was a nightmare.Dont want to say much about it,too many things.
Is my competitiveness killing me?I never felt so stressed out,not even when i was sitting my PMR examination and this is only my diagnostik.How am i gonna live through trials and my SPM?
Is it because everyone have this hope on me,expecting me to excel?Is it because i got this standard and i have to keep it?Is it because i am just plain competitive and i want to remain as one of the top?Is it because i cant lose and i am a sore loser?Is it because i just think i can do better?Is it because i have too much expectation on myself and i dont know my limits?I just feel so stressed out.I know i have to work hard,but i am just not in the mood.I was been burning the midnight oil,studying until late night,and the exams just seem to sux.And i dont feel like taking this exam.Firstly because im so not ready and 2nd everyone seems to know what is coming out,so why are we taking this exam?WHY?Whats the point?Sam said we can test our on abilities,who cares about the others?But i seem to care.I have no idea why.
*Struggling to live through this examination period*
This week our exams started and it didnt really go too well as i expected.I never feel so tensed up and stressed out about an examination before.i even tried preparing beforehand,juggling with everyhting,with my homework,tuition,prefefct duties and everything to at least allocate a time to study everyday,which sometimes didnt really worked out,but it seem like everything i did just backfire,nothing went really well during this examination period.First was the BM examination.Goddamn it,i slept at 1 something to read komsas,which the next day i went to school and everyone knew what was coming out already.The trouble i went through.But i comfort myself,thinking never mind at least you are ready,which i have my doubts about it too.When i saw the BM paper 1,i was thinking,ok at least i think i could answer this.Everything went ok for the paper but when i saw the paper 2,i was cursing.The rumusan,tatabahasa and the novel part,i knew what was coming out 10 minutes before the paper, was ok.But the komsas part was plain hard n ridibulous.Why would i want to be Hang Tuah and prevent myself from killing Hang Jebat,and anyway Hang Tuah wanted to kill Hang Jebat not that he was reluctant or anything right?Then Anak Laut came out.I didnt really like this sajak(or whatever is it) to start with,very hard to comprehend this novel,talking about this old fisherman.Then they asked how can the fishermen imrpove their lifestyle?Dude,how am i to know?Im no fisherman,or fisherwoman.Anyway,i doubt they can do anything,they have to depend on other people.
The 2nd day was my English paper.I totally blank out.Whoever who said that government examination are easy.Screw them.The paper was harder than the English paper we usually take.I looked at the question,hoping there would be at least one out of the five question they gave that i have ideas about what to write,but N-O.Nothing.I have nothing to write for all the question,even the directed writing.I didnt know what to do,but i have no choice,time is ticking and im losing precious time.So i started with the directed writing,i wrote it 3 times.Imainge,but i was rather satisfied compared to the other continuous writing.I totally crap my way through the whole paper.I didnt know what to do,but had to start.I picked a random topic and started to write.I was thinking and writing,and the story that i produced was more than farfetched,it was plain absurd.What the hell! then after recess was our paper 2.Lets just say i managed to screw that up too.So much for my A in English.It just went out the window and died on the spot.
Then it was Maths.The third day,well i expected myself to just fly through today,at least it was one of the few A's i could get seeing how this examination is going.We started with paper 2.Damn,was i wrong.I was so stressed during the whole paper.I was ok until i reached the graph part.I like Maths but not anything that got to do with graph,so i spent alot of time drawing the graphs.And there was like so many graphs,and statistics question.I hated graph and statistics,and they had to ask so many question on it.I usually get a little tensed doing graph so when we had to do 3 or is it 4 graph i was in no mood at all.Then there was this question which i totally blanked out.Damn,my mood detoriorated.Then there was this 'min' question which i was counting,pressing the numbers like nobody else business.First time i pressed i got this answer,the next time i tried again,different answer.Then i starting punching in numbers for another 10 tries,and everytime there is this different answer.i was in a major bad moood,whats the use of a calculator if everytime you get a different answer.I felt like throwing my calculator.At last,i found my stupid mistake,i copied the question wrongly.I was like WTF.I hate statistics.Lucky for me,paper 1 was rather easy,and i sailed through it.
Fourth day is add maths.Everyone is like please la,dont you complain,you will probably score in it.But this make me more stressed out,what if i screw up,what if i just blank out,what if i dunno,what if anything.I cant take it if just lose my A.This made me more stressed out.Is like everyone gave me this hope and pressure and if i screwed up the impact on me is worst.i thought i was ready,at least this was the first time i actually did not study add maths last minutes.i started a week before but it was only 3 chapters.Well at least i started but now,somehow add maths didnt go too well.Paper one was ok but paper 2 was a nightmare.Dont want to say much about it,too many things.
Is my competitiveness killing me?I never felt so stressed out,not even when i was sitting my PMR examination and this is only my diagnostik.How am i gonna live through trials and my SPM?
Is it because everyone have this hope on me,expecting me to excel?Is it because i got this standard and i have to keep it?Is it because i am just plain competitive and i want to remain as one of the top?Is it because i cant lose and i am a sore loser?Is it because i just think i can do better?Is it because i have too much expectation on myself and i dont know my limits?I just feel so stressed out.I know i have to work hard,but i am just not in the mood.I was been burning the midnight oil,studying until late night,and the exams just seem to sux.And i dont feel like taking this exam.Firstly because im so not ready and 2nd everyone seems to know what is coming out,so why are we taking this exam?WHY?Whats the point?Sam said we can test our on abilities,who cares about the others?But i seem to care.I have no idea why.
*Struggling to live through this examination period*
New blog?
My new blog.Lets see whether i would blog it or not?or it will remain redundant or empty as usual.