I guess in life there always will be disappointment.No one life can be perfect.No one could win everything.There's always ups and downs.

Somehow i just feel disappointed that i didn't get what i wanted.Fine.Maybe i was not so eager or desperate to get it.But i did put in the effort.I can't help to feel disappointed and anger rising inside me.I just feel pissed.Maybe this certain someone did contributed to it subconciously.And maybe it's also i know that i can't get my scholarship(JPA) based on my SPM results,since i bloody screwed up the papers.And my hopes for getting straight A1's diminished the day i ended my SPM.

I admit I am skinny.When went to white river rafting in Sabah,the current was so strong that i could not even stand on the water.I kept tripping.The guy in charged had to hold me and dragged me over to the mmiddle of the stream.I know i was light but not that light.

But Sabah was fun.It was cold at least.When i came back to KL,it was hot hot hot all over again.

This whole week had been hectic for many of us.Jill,Seok,Fern and I weren't at home most of time.Jill and Fern went to Genting early of this week,followed by Penang while Seok went Genting with them then went to the Petronas EduCamp.While I went to the Petronas EduCamp then Penang with Jill,Fern and Sam.It was kinda sad that Seok didnt get to come with us to Penang because of the camp but scholarship more important.We had loads of fun though.

10-12 December 2006
I went for the Petronas EduCamp in Universiti Teknologi Petronas(UTP) in Tronoh,Perak(some secluded area which i guess none of you all heard of).UTP was really big.You would not have expected that such a building would exist in that secluded area.The buildings were immense and nice.On the other hand,going to an educamp a week after SPM was not the best idea.=s We had to stay in the hostel,infest with insects and bugs.Yuck,disgusting.And worst,they had no hot water.It was really cold bathing in the morning,7am.4 other CBNers were there too.YL,Jean,Azhan,and Sang.Everyone was so enthusiastic about this camp.

First day was group acticity,where we were seperated into groups.All 5 of us were in different groups.We made our logo,motto and name.Then we were required to think out of the box,and think the many usage of a fire extinguisher,which the answers were absurd.Then we took this test where we were suppose to assume we were lost in a desert and the nearest camp is 70 miles away.We were to number the importance of each item.Based on that we could have an idea whether we were going to survive or not in that desert.All of us K.O. and would die in that desert.Then at night we were to tell a story about our success(non academic).I talked about our class drama,about the conflicts and everything.

Second day was boring.We had to take an English Proficiency Test,listen to some career talk and take a critical thinking test.It was like SPM all over again.And it was only 1 week after SPM.Third day was my interview.I wore a skirt and blouse.I just realised it has been a long time since i actually wore a skirt.Years actually.Wow.Can't believe that.

I came home just in time for my mom's birthday.13th of Decemeber.It was an one day gap before i leave to Penang.Hectic.I had to go to Taylors to settle the first semester payment,pack my luggage and go Sunway for dinner.

14-16 December 2006
Penang was really fun.We were at the beach and the pool most of the time.While Jill wanted a tan(which she did got her tan) i got burned!Fine i am Candle Princess(Puteri Lilin).I don't like sun burn.It is just painful.It was hilarrious though.We were migrating from one chair to another just to avoid the sun while playing 'Cho Tai Di'(we got addicted to that card game).

Then we sat on the banana boat,"heong jiu shuin".We had loads of fun on that.Fearing that there are loads of jellyfish in the sea,we were so afraid that the boat will capsize that we were screaming and shouting when we were turning like some mad person.Come to think of it,it was funny and dumb but thrilling.No regrets going on that.We also found this place filled with rocks in the shades at the beach.It sort of became our spot and they(Jill,Sam and fern) was camwhoring as usual in their bikini.I was the only one without a bikini.

In this trip,Fern had many of her 'first times'.It was her first time sitting on the banana boat,first time playing fooseball and first time playing Bishi Bashi(i think),and got really confused with all the buttons.We also played hours of 'Cho Tai Di' and few games of Life,but managed to complete 2 games only.In the game of Life,Jill was a realy rich policeofficer who broke the laws,while I was a bankrupt travel agent,earning 90k and owing people money.How saddening.I don't care, Jill,we have to play another time,hopefully you aren't so lucky.And I would keep my mouth shut for Sam before she kills me.We should also refrain from all the vulgar language ya.

I really hope that Penang trip would never end.We didn't even get to finish our gossip session.This just made me miss high school life and i don't want it to end.I want turn back time.But that's not possible.Would just appreciate the time we had.

I can't believe we just finished SPM 2 weeks ago.I feel like SPM was over months,ages ago.I feel so free.....

4 December 2006
A date to remember for life.A day where happiness was crushed with disappointment,just within an hour.This date was the day where all the form 5 Science stream student could shout,"Merdeka" with a shout of relief and exuberant.

Yet i was not even ecstatic when the other block was shouting and screaming their head off,or when they announced it was time to collect the paper.A wave of fear just ran through,and when i passed up my paper,i knew that i was screwed.I messed up the whole Biology paper 3.With my hopes of actually scoring in Biology just crushed,i went home,feeling distraught and down in the dumps.

What a way to celebrate the last day of a tiring day!What a way to conclude the whole year!What a way to end my schooling life!11 years of study! Wow,how devastating.

To those who just finished their SPM today,dont let my blog affect you.Go have a blast and enjoy your freedom to the max.


I feel more closer to you than ever.I feel that i have this bond with you that cannot be replaced.Yet somehow,there's just this gap between us which cannot be overcomed.I feel lost and confused at times.Feel like letting go,yet i cant.

As school is coming to an end, everything is just changing so drastically.It is obvious everyone is changing,maybe it is just the exam stress,maybe it is just temporary,it will be over after the exams are over.*Hopefully* The chances of things to stay the same as the old times are fading,i am losing confidence in it.

Everyone is a hyprocrite.All of us are.The only difference is whether it is in a good way or in a bad way.Some would pretend to be friend and later backstabbed you.While some,in a good way,would always put up a nonchalant,pretending that everything is alright,while there is something inside waiting to burst out to not burden the others.They would hid their feelings,and remain their composure.

I am just tired.Pretending on the surface that nothing happened when there is practically a war going inside me.I need to let it out,but whats the use?As Jill said,'Dont burden other people!They already have so many things in mind,the least you could do is not to add to the pile.' I just could not agree more.Everyone is going through the same phase.So what makes me different?

I just have to hope i have the will to survive this hurdle.

Everyone is in the doldrums,feeling blue and down,not forgetting the frustration,the disappointment.Dont be surprised,this is the after-effects of our Trials.It usually happens to everyone after every exam,but this happened to be the worst one of all,maybe because its the 'Trials'.With this,you can know actually where you stand,knowing you own capabilities and the possible A's you might get in SPM,the chance to grab a good scholarship.

People tells me i have no right to complain about my results,with all the A's and everything.But please remember i am still human.Human are greedy creatures,who just yearns for more than they could chunk in,they tend to bite off more than they could chew and the disappointment that comes after it can be rather unbearable.They strive and yearn for the best and want the best too.This inevitably leads to competition,comparing one to another.Which later,often leads to some irrational actions.

I never did and never will deny that i can be rather competitive at times.Although i didn't expect that much of it,but there was still this disappointment sometimes.There is always this feeling that i could have done better than this,this is not good enough.Yes some people might get lower,but that doesnt mean i must be content with what i have.Being all disconsolated,the last thing i need is someone making comments about how i am suppose to be satisfied with what i have.Well,in real fact i am not.I just can't put on a face and nonchalantly said i am.I JUST CANT! Sorry if i don't care about other people's feelings,i have mine to care about.

I never felt so frustrated being beaten by someone in a particular subject before.But when i knew my marks,the fire in my heart just flared up.I just could not help it but feel frustrated with myself for not beating you.I could not accept that fact.My anger just went out of control.All i know was that i was pissed.I really dont know why i really mind about you beating me.Maybe it is because of the past,plus what you are doing in the present.For the other subjects,there is the disappointment but not the frustration.Yes,i got to admit,the urge and adrenaline of beating everyone is strong in me.It is plain glory and satisfying,maybe i am greedy,but who does not want that,especially if you are just one,two marks away from the top and it is due to my hard work not because of some 'connections' and extra 'tips'.

No one is flawless.I tend to be greedy,competitive,rather egoistic at times too.And i can't deny it.You have to accept who I am.I know you are sad too,but that gives you no right to snap at me too.And yes,although my marks was not ideal,gives me no right to call someone a 'b****' too.I sincerly apologise to her.

So many people told me that i should ignore and not care about other people.But i can't.It is just inside me.I am in quandary.I am telling myself not to care,but i do.I tried to ignore but fail to do so.I try to be sanguine,but i am still a pessimist.'Ignorance is a bliss','Dont look at other papers','You will show them at the real thing','it is either you let go now or after SPM,why take the longer route and torture yourself more','Karma,they will get what they want','You have to try to ignore,tell if you need to','Those who cheat are dumb','Just let it go'.So many advice but nothing seem to go through my thick,hard skull.

In everybody's life,there will be one person that will play a vital role in someone life.Someone to confide their feeling,someone they can trust,someone they feel connected too.There is no why or how,it just happens out of thin air.

Sometimes i wonder whether i made a wrong choice or not?I am rather sceptical with my choice.I am in quandry whether i should follow my heart or not?I am in a dilemma which no one can help me but myself.As they say,nothing venture nothing gain,i have to take the first step to know,if not i will never know.

Backstabbing is a no-no.I cant believe how some people can just betray and backstab their own friends.Then why do you need friends?Friends in need is a friend indeed.More like friends in need is betrayed and backstabbed.It is bad enough you dont have conscience,you even have to betray your own friends.If you can do that to your friend,you better not trust your friends around you too.What goes around comes around.It's karma.They will do that to you too.

I cant believe how some people can be such hypocrit.on the surface they look such a goody-goody,but deep down,help me,there's a big devil.Cheating is not going to get you anywhere in life,you might as well learn you lesson now then pay a heavier price later.But if you think it is still ok,I have no comment.You can do what you want with your life.Who am i to cricticize or comment?

P.S If it is due to your effort and hardwork,i am happy for you.But if not,please wipe that smirk of your face and stop bragging to everyone about how fantastic is your marks.

"Wham!" As Trials has reached its end,subconciously everyone knows that SPM is gradually coming closer.Too near i guess,that all of us are starting to get immune.We just finished our Trial and they are talking about SPM.Sigh.

The 3 weeks has rather been a dread.Not only is the papers hard,the questions that comes out are those which i am weak at.=s

Then there are those not-to-be-mention-but-you-will-regret-someday humans,who seems to be having all this extra tips,and acting as a photostate machine.Except this photostate machinse writes.Not only that,the photostate machine even copies too,they could send information from one to another.Technology have improved so much.I should go buy one machine for myself too.=p

Well,that is up to their conscience.This would the last exam to know your own standard and strive for the real thing.Although have to admit,it can be rather tempting.It takes a lot of will,and not succumb to temptation.But we did survive!!!

I got to admit that this 3 weeks i had been rather stress,especially this last week,so if i offended everyone,sorry.My stress level was never this high.I was nearly in the verge of breaking down.My gastric worsen too during this exam period,which i became rather reliant on the medicine currently.Whatever it is this exam is over.Next up,SPM. *sigh*

P.S. I dont like SHEELALALALA! =p

*Drowning in thoughts* I think too much and worry too much too.=s

Sometimes i feel there is a barrier in between us.It is like a invisible barrier.There is no way around it.Sometimes it is there,sometimes not.Whenever this happens i just dont feel like talking but somehow i dont want to make you feel bad,cause this is my problem.*Sigh* Whatever it is,it makes me feel we are drifting apart. But no matter what,i will still appreciate n cherish this relationship we had.

P.S. Those baffled and in quandry shall remain that way. No questions will be entertained

When god wants me to learn a lesson,he make sure i learn it.Things happens one after another,keep reminding me about it,making sure that it goes through my thick hard skull.
Lesson learned but no action,comes back to square one.It is useless.

I have no idea what is happening.Time seems to pass so fast,yet nothing is completed but somehow i felt i used every second i have,stressinng myself out.I have not recuperate fully after the last time i got sick.Everything seems so messed up.On the surface i am nonchalant about everything,yet my feeeling are jumbled up and i'm confused.I feel like a pretender at times.But i prefer not to say anything.No special reason.

• Neglection
• Fooling around
• Conversing
• Someone i care subconciously or it is just what i think
  

I am in a quandrum....I'm lost.....No one can save me but myself.No assistance is offered.This is more like a do and die thing,which i think i'm slowing drying without realising it.

7th place for Law Olympiad + 'Credit' for UNSW Science Exam = Disappointing

Studies = Stress + Devastating

Sick = Torturing

Total = Life sucks!

There was this bird chriping at my ear,"Teacher we are old already.We are retiring!"

Yahoo!We stepped down.Although our stepping down performance had a little technical error,and i got a little stressed thanks to some teachers,everything went well smooth.Everything is over.Nisha did a job well done for the video.When i saw the video,i got a little emo.Everything is over,i can't believe i lived through that whole year.The happy and sad memory,the good and bad times we had together,the challenges we faced as a team,the chaos,quarrels,everything is now over. All of a sudden, i was thinking,"Ah,the good times, it is now over".It felt like i lost something.Something is now the past.

Everyone is too used to their routine,coming early,feeling too free,feeling weird and out of place.When there is no duties,it is just feels weird.Walking aimlessly,doing NOTHING.We are going to class too early and finding the class empty,which never happened for a whole year.

Nevertheless i am also glad we stepped down.Don't think i'll miss it.We shall see on Monday,looking at Rooba running up and down,doing meja hadiah.Maybe i will.

Whee!I got the best prefect award!

It just hit me why i care so much.I always thought there was something,the familiarity of what happened.Now i know.And it makes me reminiscent the past.

Time keeps passing by so quickly.I feel there is insufficient time.I feel so many things.And all this concludes up to STRESS.

Something u just feel like you are lost in a jungle.You have no idea where you are, or what you are doing.You only know one thing,you got to get out.OUTTA here.All around you is just trees,nothing else.The sun is setting,time is running out.You have no food,no drinks,no place.There is only you and you alone,not forgetting the animals around.

Is it just me or what?

My sleep has been a rather disturbing one lately.Waking up still feeling tired.Goodbye dreamless nights.Bad dreams/nightmare has been occuring.I feel so lethargic everyday.Is this what they call stress?Or is it just a normal thing?

Thing are not what they seem on the surface.Doesnt mean they dont say anything,doesnt mean there is nothing happening.There might be a tornado or tsunami happpening inside them,while on the surface they are as calm as water.Nevertheless,in their heart they know there are a bunch of friend which they can lean on and count on when they need it.Struggling in this period of time is not important,it is getting through it that's important.

Everything seems so near.Time just flies by,not waiting for everyone.While some people are using time as though it is the last day,there are still some people who just can't find enough time.Sometimes,it just feel like you are being pushed into this big lake by someone,and you can't swim.You are struggling but there is no one to help or save you.While some people tend to or suppose to save you,all they could do is look,thinking that you can save yourself, while you sink in deeper,deeper and "plunge!",but indirectly they are contributing to it,and not forgetting they themselves too,not knowing their own abilities.

Don't try to decipher any of this.It shall stay and remain in this blog.

Everyone is stressed over the same thing.SPM.It is rather obvious that SPM is closer than all of us thinks.Everyone is in a foul mood.Some chose to keep it discreet,some like to express it.Some loses their appetite,some snaps at people,some just cries while some keep all to themselves as if nothing is happeinng.

I am not excluded too.The stress is unbearable.Sometime i wish i can go back time and restart the whole year and re-live it.The pressure is doubling,and the hopes are unavoidable.

Everyone seems to know,cant they just leave me alone?I have enough of it and you are adding to my pile.I dont need it,dont want it,and if i cant choose just ignore it.

I found out,all the PJ school are doing realy well,thrashing it alot of events.Today was the finals for the Inter-School Accounting Quiz by Taylor's.We didnt manage to get a single placing.Nevertheless,congrats to those who won.They won fair and square.

I seemed to ignore everything now.The whole commottion has came to an end.I hope.I just have to be the guinea pig and eat up all the accusation,although it can be rather absurd.Whatever it is,everything is coming to an end.It doesnt matter anymore,as everyone would says.The split-into-half Prefectorial Board shall be gone in another 3 weeks.The junior board will take over,hope they do a good job and nothing will happen.

It is time to buck up and do something about.Lazing around will not get me anymore.Reminders has come and go,signs has appeared too.Everyone is worryinh about one thing now!!!And i am still so relax.I have studies to catch up,grades to mark up and promises to keep. But i am not doing anything.

I better go rot and think about it.Maybe what Sam is doing is right.Maybe i should not come online too.My conscience is telling me something...and I should listen to it.

I know i accused someone for something she didn't do.But somehow she contributed to it too.I just found out the truth today.So yes,i was wrong.

I felt disappointed with her again.As they say,'As time goes by,the wound heals'.It is just like antibodies,after being attacked with the same antigen for so many times,it builds up a immune system that can fight it.Too much Bio?I totally agree.
I hope i have this invisible sheild where it could just protect me from everything.

It takes courage to say you are sorry.A lot of it.When you did something wrong or commited a crime.But you can say sorry too even if you are not wrong..I hope you heard that clearly.

I got my adopted and she is rather keen of the jobs.Haha.It is a good and positive sign.Her expression when i told her about the backdrops was like,"Yikes".About the 'meja hadiah.Jaw dropped.Told her how picky both the teachers,her jaw practically fell to the ground.Hehe.Enjoy ya.It would be a worthwhile year after that.There are the downs but also the ups.

I just had the extra reminding SPM is nearer than i thought it was.It is end of Jun,July is starting.We have 2 months for form 4 revision and another 2 for Form 5 before our Trials.SPM is getting nearer and i am not aware of it.All of a sudden,there is this urge of helplessness in me.I feel i might not be ready for my exams.I might not score my straight A's for SPM.Today our Biology teacher asked us,who here scored straight A's.No one raised her hands.She starting saying by this time last year there were 17 straight A's students.I just felt scared and hopeless.Maybe taking Biology was not a good idea.Sigh.I dont know.I have no idea what i can and can't do now.I wish to restart this whole year,return to the past,and live this whole year again.Maybe things would change.

Great,half the board hates me.How comforting?But look on the bright side,at least half still doesn't hate me.This is thanks to the contribution of someone,saying that i dont do my job yet take the credit.Ii hope i would never see her or have to work with her anymore.Why must she walk into my life?Life was so much better without her.People ask me to remain oblivious,and i am trying.It is not that i intentionally make myself pissed at her,but she does piss me off.I calmed down when i went home.Heard this song which goes,"Shut up in your face.It doesnt matter."I just smiled to myself,remaining oblivious is the only way out.Believing in what you think is right and thats what matters.

After the Speech Day,i saw 2 different side of 2 person.One good one bad.One teacher one student.I saw a different side of this teacher.Many students dislike her but she was rather ok to me.And i enjoyed working with her,compared to some others.Then this student which caused many misery to everyone,and chaos.Wonder how she can be such a hypocrite?

Pn Nancy,"Thank you.You all did a good job."Dedicated to:Farah,Jill,Sasha and Sam.Not forgetting Lavy,Nelly,Shien Jean,LiLi and the other prefects who helped.Thanks.

The uge of stepping down gets stronger and i just can't wait for that day to happen.After that,it is full strive for SPM.Nothing is getting my way,i hope.

My Head

Everybody needs a head.And the head plays a very important role,it controls everything in life.It controls the body movement and how everything functions.And if the head functions well,the body follows too.But if the head goes haywire,the body follows too.This principle applies to everything in our life.From ourselves,to a committe,to a community then to a country and later together as human beings living in this world.

I declare i'm sick.Thanks to 2 whole stressful,tiring and pissing weeks.I'm down with fever,flu,headache and sore thraot.Great!I want and insist to go to school on Monday,the campaign will be on.but my mom say if i'm not feeling well,i am not to go.Sigh.Once a year once and i have to miss it?NO!Theres no way i'm missing it.

Today was Speech Day.Everyone asking me not to panicked,especially the teachers.I was rather clumsy today but i was not panicking it was because i was sick,tired and extremely blur.I was sniffing the whole day.And some people dont appreciate what we do,and start making stupid comments and remarks."Dont do all the pose la","You never help out","Ask you to do things,sure got alot of complains".I dont mind not getting any appreciation and credit for what i do,but please dont make all this stupid remarks.It just made me not help at all.All the carrying and helping is wearing out.I am sick for your info,yet i stayed back and helped out while some prefects went back early,went home and shopping.There was no "thank you" and "good job".I dont mind.I do have high hopes on you anyway.But the last thing i need is the stupid comments.

I'm glad some people actually appreciate what i do.They thanked me and thats enough.I'm happy and satisfied.Is it that hard?I find it rather hard working withor for you.And i'm glad i'm stepping down soon.I'm sick of all this,crap and nonsense.The gossips,'tunjuk muka's',back-stabbing etc.Everything is coming to an end,and i am glad.

Whee.All 5 important event is over.And everything is over.Im glad.A big burden has lifted of my shoulder.And yes,for your info,the ceritificates presentation went smoothly.And i'm glad you weren't there.No regrets.

A story about this gurl part 2

You cant just stop pissing me off can't you?I did so many things.Yes it might not be obvious,but definitely you have no right to comment about me anything.You of all people,who's contribution can be counted in one hands,want to complain about my contribution to the prefectorial board.You have no right at all.You dare to say
1. I did not to my job/work
2. I misused my power,asking those under my community to do my dirty work
3. When teacher praised why so nice,i claimed it is my work.

As far as i am concerned,no teachers praised me for anything before and i never take all the credit.Everything is team work.Please I would say everyone.If you were not there,please SHUT UP,and keep it to yourself.You have no right to say anything,you are not under my community,let alone ever help me at all.So please do me a favour and keep your stupid remarks to yourself.You are not so lucky everytime,as when you b**** about Pn Haida so loud,lucky for you Pn Khor was there,or i cant imagine how you would be now.

I dont mind if i dont get the credit,i never do.But please i have my limits,stupid remarks like this just makes me peeved.If your hardwork is not appreciated never mind,but if you spent your bloody time,skipping classes when you should be studying,and getting accused for not do anything.I just have to say you gone too far.....You gone too far.....

A story about this gurl

It's all about being right although she is wrong.It's always about keeping her face,although she knows that is not that point.It is about covering the truth and spreading the rumors.Always about making yourself look right all innocent while actually you are not.It is always about sabotaging,backstabbing and bitching.How can someone has so many flaws yet dont feel ashamed of it?Feeling no remorse over whatver you have done,yet can be thick face enough the put the blame on others,pointing your fingers on some other people,acting as if it was not your fault at all.Never in my life have i seen such a person,and regretfully im telling you,you are sad.You are such a hypocrit,people around you will become one too.Going around,whining to everyone,twisting the whole story to your benefit.You had the benefits of the doubt,as they only know one side of the story.But if you choose to do so,i am hopeless and helpless but to say,I'm sorry,but you are sad.You are bringing misery into people life,how i hope you never walk into my life,never cross my path,deleting you from my life would be the happiest thing i could do and never left a single footprint.

IF the teachers can say you are wrong,you cant be far away from wrong.You are definitely not right.Yet you make it sound as if you are right.Making me look bad,twisting the story,is the only thing you could do,as you know you are wrong.Spreading rumors about me,saying how pathetic you were.They bought it and i congrats you.Coming to me,talking to me as if nothing happened.The sorry and normal talk was just an act,so unconciously you can poison me behind my back and i dont even know what is happening,even though i already half poisoned.Eff you,you are causing misery.If it is me alone never mind,but stay out of my friends.I am on this cliff,being shove by you. and I would go through hell with you,if you try somemore.And you would not be a nice scene,as the Chinese proverb,'Never offend a woman'.

You contributed a little.A L-I-T-T-L-E.And you want to make a big deal out of it?You think contributed alot?Now i tell you,people have help more than you,and they arent even in the committee,so why are you in then?Should i demand a switch?Damn right i should.I see no reason why i shouldnt.Nevertheless you did help me,and i would like to say a Thank You.You helped loads with the backdrop.And many people liked it.But it is a bloody different story.There is no such thing as credit transfer here.One thing is one thing,you can just say because i help this this this then i want to do that that that.There is no such thing.And yes,you actually were allowed to be in the committee again,but teacher say no.So what does this proves?Only you know best.

I am stressed,tired and pissed.Signs of being a bitch.And you have to give extra kick.I have been stressed out for two bloody weeks.Teachers' Day,Prefect Gathering and Speech Day,which used to be a day to have fun and enjoyed is not only what i am feeling.STRESSED AND TIRED OUT filled the whole week up.I have been missing classes too.Even my monitor knows.Yes,my grades are above averages,but still?That doesnt mean i no need to go into class.Thanks to some smart people,which i wonder how she aggregate jobs,making herself sound as if she was right and fair.I had to do the bloody backdrop for two events,plan the games for two events,preparing the things needed.This week,backdrop,which Im really sorry,i could not careless,gave the job to Farah,giving out the ceritificates,practicising going out stage,arranging them,checking them and numbering them.At one point,i had to be at 3 places at one time,stage,conference room and bilik seni.Hello,im a human i cant possibly be at 3 places at one time.Dont be ridiculous.

She wanted to complain when she just tied the ribbons,whoa,i cant live without her.So people like Lavy,Nelly,Sasha,Jill and LiLi are what?Please.If you want to compare,you are not even 10%,and i think i gave you too much credit too.Please la,you have not right to say anything people whoever who helped me?Jill did loads and you have not right to say she didnt.Buzz off.She definitely did way more than you.Loads more.

You had to go tell everyone that i scolded you in front of the whole class.Hello?During moral class,i doubt if even half the class,heard the so-called-scoldings.And i think the half the class you heard,dont even think it was a scolding,they thought it was a normal conversation.Even hazel said so,and she is the soft type.People who heard think you are over sensitive and everyone are shocked they you actually made such a small thing into a big deal.And now people,prefects and students think im the bad guy,while you are the poor little princess who got scolded terribly.Thanks alot to you.Not only that,people are also saying,"I better do this before she starts to scold me for not doing anything." Bloody hell.Whats you problem?Get a life.If you are that desperate for the jobs,which i think a few teachers are thinking that way too,just tell me,i would gladly give it to you.This job is not the most enjoyable job there is.

I'm glad i have friends who i can lean on during this period and sad to say,i doubt you have any real one.So just want to say,"I'm Sorry"

You can choose not to read this!

Today, I felt like I was just whacked in the face, asking me to wake up, no more day dreaming. I just realize my exam marks are not as good as I think it is. I found out that I need to start working hard; no more last minute crap or I’ll be the next crap. When I got back my Biology paper 3 today, I failed the bloody paper. I was shocked and sad, loads of things started running through my mind. What the hell happen to me? All i can say is i was disappointed.*sigh* And somehow i had an idea what was coming out for that paper,the only few tips i had. My Biology teacher demanded a good explanation from me. What can i say? I wanted that marks? NO! I had none, even i can even explain to myself, let alone to her. We had a little talk on my paper though.

When i went home, I sat in the showers for quite sometime, letting the water flow, waiting for the tears to flow, but it didn't. The sadness was there, but the tears aren't flowing. Then it hit me, am i lazy and just not working hard enough? Or the last few exams was just plain luck,and i scored well in it? Or this is my limit,i am that dumb? Only a few people in mind can tell me this, but i am not even sure whether they know it or not.

Checking through my other papers was not comforting at all. Seeing all the stupid and dumb mistakes i made just makes me feel like kicking myself hard. When did i become so careless? My marks deteriorated this time. Maybe Jess was right, it is time for us the step down.

I would like to announce the most tiring and hectic week has just came to an end.Thanks to some people's smartness,they have to put this 2 important event,the anual Teachers' Day and must0have Prefects Gathering,a day after another.Making it two different events, two performances,two prizes,two sets of foods and two games to cope with.Someone said,"This shows how desperate we are to have a Prefects Gathering".Yes,i agree,we are desperate,very desperate,making it after the Teachers' Day.Didnt they ever think how hectic this week would be?Maybe they did,thinking it would be managable,but *sigh*,they werent thinking for some people too.I'm glad with made through this whole week,without much disappointment,but with loads of frustration,tension and stress,not forgetting the fun,excitement and enjoyable moments.It was a week of very jumbled up feeling.The ups and downs came together,but im proud to say,"The Senior Prefectorial Board did a good job",three cheers to all of you.

It was 12.30 and we were giving out the prizes for the winners.The closing ceremony was being held and i was relieved and happy.The tiring week has came to its end.We ended with Negaraku,a dance which i went wild,spraying people with my water gun,which ended up with me being drenched,and the photo section,which the CBNers got insulted,saying we were short and we should sit in front.Then we started packing up and cleaning up until 1 something.When i just wanted to enjoy this moment,someone shattered it for me.Thanks by the way for makinig this moment just vanished,*poof* gone,can you let me enjoy,celebrate and rejoice this moment for a very TIRING week.The person had to say,"Next week is Hari Anugerah Cemerlang".Yes,being plan-co head,i have to look forwards toward five most important event of my Prefect Life,that is,Everybody's Day(over),Sports Day(done),Teachers Day(finishto),Prefects Gathering(a success) and last but not least, Speech Day(Hari Anugerah Cemerlang).*sigh* Dude give me a break,this week was not a easy week.

Teachers Day was,in point of view,was a little screwed up.Our performances sorta didnt got too well,but what Jill heard was rather comforting,at least people didnt think we sucked.Or were they just being nice and trying comfort us?*sigh* The games was before the performances.All i can say is you are not dependable.When i told Pn Khor she was in the games,her face just said one word,"Shocked".She was tellling me she didnt know she was in and she didnt bring any clothes to change into.At 10.45am,was the briefing session,we had to announce the students and teachers name,asking them to come to stage.The amount of shockness on the teachers face told me someone didnt do their job,or she just couldnt care less.None of the teachers brought clothes to change,they had to wear their beautiful clothes to play.Lucky for me,i never planned anything exhausting,or else.....But the games was fun.The other side of the teachers,which are not seen usually,appeared.The competitiveness,the craziness and the fun side of them came out.I was laughing most of the time during the games.It was enjoyable,seeing the teachers competing,shouting their heads off and squezzing three of them into a hullahoop.*hehe* The look on Ms Anyusha face was priceless,when i told her that this guy teacher,Encik Noramalis,for those who dont know who he is,he is the guy "married to Pn Sue",good luck to him with that.She was like,"WHAT!!!Dont let him",but unfortunately he was on his way already.I know you will say im mean,but i didnt chose him,Pn Norazma did.The other team was saying,"That team sure lose one la".I couldnt agree less,he is ,well,rather big.I couldnt help but laugh when i saw his face when he knew he had to squeeze into a hullahoop with 2 other teacher,Pn Azura and Ms Anyusha.But he was rather sporting and agreed.At the end,Ms Anyusha team didnt win,but they weren't last,Yee Siew's team was disqualified,and they were rather close to the winning team too.Pn Khor's team emerged as winner.When she reached the finish line,she started jumping up and down,like a little girl. who just won something and got loads of candies.She was so cute,jumping and hoping and clapping her hands.I couldnt help but laugh.Then she starting jumping and hopping back to the starting line,then it hit me,all the teachers are barefooted and the floor was bloody hot.Pity the teachers.Then i ran up stage,the "Tie the balloon"was on.I went up and whoa,chaotic,i quickly ran and sat on the prefcts table.I saw Jill doing the same thing.Yikes.Danger zone.I could see all the prefects avoiding the participants.It was rather comical seeing them,trying to stomp on each other balloon.I saw the curtain not open,and I quickly shouted,open the curtain.And it was a hit.Tee hee.

Waking up at 5.45 after a hectic Teachers' Day was painful.I pratically had to dragged my aching body out of bed,and into the shower.I went to school,assuming i would be the earliest,but i was the 3rd earliest which doesn't sound comforting anyway.I had to shout my lungs out to make the prefects carry the bench for the games.When i told them they had to carry it to the college field,their jaws dropped.It was a good morning exercise,undeniable.We managed to get it done though.Then the registration was open.People started coming in.When someone told me that there were only 88 prefects,it was my turn for my jaw to drop.Bloody hell,they made me carry so many benches and prepare the stuff then they don't come.Screw them.Overall it was a successThe dance battle turned out to be just a dance performance which didnt go too well.The songs were all jumbled up.During the song,'She Wants To Move',was so messed up.Some people just simply changed their places,and the steps kept changing,i dont even know the steps at the end.We were squished at the end,and Sam was pushed to the end and couldnt move at all.What a disappointing performance.The Indian dance,no idea how to spell,"Bangra",was nice.The best among all.Everyone enjoyed it.When we were performing the Dikir Barat i couldnt help but laugh the whole way.No idea why.Hehe.I am just going to pick a few of my favourite verse and write it down.

(Gong Xi)
Jessica memang garang,
Suka marah Orang,
Tapi dia bertanggungjawab,
Memang boleh diharap,
Itulah Jessica kita,naib kapten kedua.

(Doraemon)
Lisa Lau dan Samantha,
Mereka berdua kawan,
Mereka dua suka asyik berchi chi zha-zha

(Full house)
Tak kurang juga si Jill dan Lavi,
Mereka berdua sangat suka menari,
Kadang-kadang sampai lupa diri,
Siapa sendiri.

(Dragostea)
Daphne Hee,Janice Ong oh,Mak See Mun ah,Adibah ha.
Semuanya comel-comel,bucuk2,manja2.

Fiza-fiza,Hanim-hanim,Farah-Farah,
Tiga-tiga,gila-gila,bola jaring,netball fever.

During the games part,it was fun watching the particiapnts.They were wrecking their brain trying to solve the Traffic Jam.Hehe.Was fun seeing them cracking their brain.What a saddist?Can't help it.Then was the outdoor obstacle,they were worst.Putting the string so low,the participants had to crawl under with their leg tied.And smashing their face in to the plate of flour.Haha.The dodgeballon was fun too.Until CBN prefects started throwing the balloon from the form 5 corridor,it was suppose to be kept for later,but some people throwing it too.Not only that,even the pails were bungee jumping.Till now i still don't know which pail went the jump,as they are 2 pails missing,dark red in colour,Jess's and Sam's one.There was so many light red pails on stage.Luckily no one got hurt in the bungee jump.*phew* The saddest part was i took the trouble to get the balloons ready but i didn't get to throw any.Sad.The funnest part was the group dancing.I went wild and started shooting everyone with my water gun.Of course,i asked Pn Norizan first,i wanted to attack the prefects and they were so near her.And without a hustle she agreed.I just went crazy,shooting everyone i see.Then suddenly someone shouted,catch her.yikes,i had to run,but failed.There were so many of them,someone snatched my gun while someone hold me.Nooo......Doomed.If i was not wrong,JILL snatched my gun and started shooting me,while the others were holding.Big bullys *hmph*.So many against one.Then i felt a all drenched up,someone poured a bottle of water on me.And i have no idea who was the culprit,wait till i find out who was it,you are so gonna get it.

There was so many gentlemen.They helped us to packed,cleaned and carried the benches,tables and chairs.So nice of them.I was so tired and groggy and the end of this event.I was glad and happy.Getting the prefects to carry the benches would be harder than asking them to clean.Everyone was just too tired.The guys helped us to carry all of it.They were carrying one each,i was like whoa and we needed to two prefects to do the job.They also helped us to clean the hall,packed the chairs,sweep and mop.You don't see this everyday.Sam got alittle pissed off with some of the prefects though,when we were shifting the tables from the art passage to the form 4 block.Jill,Mon and i were drenched,when it started pouring.I was kinda pissed with them too.

Overall,the prefect gathering was a success.The feedback we had was comforting and really good.The prefects had a great time,and i had a feedback from the prefects,saying that the gathering was worth every cents they spent.Cool.

Great job,Senior Prefectorial Board of CBN.Hooray!I would just like to say thanks to everyone who helped me.Without your contribution it would all be a mess.Even though to you it was a minor contribution,but to me,without you all,nothing will go right.So just accept the credit given to you,you deserve it.Thanks to Nisha,Fatimah,Wai Ling for the backdrop,Jessica for buying the stuff,Aliaa for the Teachers' day games,Sasha,Jill,SamFarah,Daph,Carmen,Nabile,Plan-co and Dis-co member for their help.Couldnt have done it without you all.

Sometimes i wish i could just become a selfish and ignorant bitch.Seeing how the others seem to get away with everythying,doing nothing and dumping the job to other people while they just look on and relax.I wish i could be like that.The load of burden just seem the get heavier,more and more things keep decking on top,making a pile already.I'm drowning,suffocating,trying to survive,keeping a clear and cool mind,making sure everything will go well.WILL go well.Seeing as things are,it is not going well at all,everything is going wrong.And you have to give an extra stab,making make things worse.I know you have your responsibilities,but everything you do,theres a limit.Fine,people in our point of view there are no limits but you should think about the others.I am trying to plan everything and get everything done.But instead of helping,all you can do is complain,comment and criticize.If you want to make a comment fine,but please come with an idea too,or else just please keep you opinions to yourself,you are not helping at all.By just saying is not going to get everything done,will it?Ordering and commenting is not the only thing you can or should do.

Thanks Sammi,i needed to blow of some steam.I was like a ticking bomb,ready to explode.Although i know you are quite down yourself,trying to cope with whatever is happening.Thanks loads.Really appreciate it.

Sam was lamenting i didnt blog for a very long time,asking me to blog.I have no idea why?The blogging fever for me has gone,no mood to blog recently,either cause im just in no mood or the feeling are so jumbled up,i dont feel like bringing it up at all.But since i said i was going to blog i might as well spill the beans.

Ever walk into a class,wait not class,school?Too exaggeratting.Hmm...How about a bunch of approximately hundreds of NERDS?To say people in my school call me nerds,whoa,they never see a real one.=p The sccene was just freaky.Well,mostly because i go to a school where there are less nerds,way less.I was actually glad that government school are born,where the people are more versatile.When i reached there and walked into that gathering court,i was like,"Yikes,freaky"Quickly ran to my place and satr down,scanning through the area for people actually i know.The first thing that ran through my head is that there would not be anyone from CBN,sad,seeing,as they would say,i am the nerd,so i was actually scanning for my primary ex-school mates,seeing that they are the people who are interested in this kind of crap.Strike one,i was right,there was no CBNer but i bumped into my ex primary school mate.She used to be a close friend of mine.She make me miss my primary school time,where everything is just so easy,and relaxexd,most of all trouble-free.Life was much simple then,and you need not to worry about the consequences.Back to the examinaion.I found out i have a rather low IQ.*sigh* Something i can live with,i hope.The Maths paper was the easiest among three,but it was defintely not easy.My jaw dropped when i saw the first question.Nevertheless,it was the easiest,seeing that my English went down the drain,and i never saw the last of it.Screw this test thats all i can say.

Tomorrow is the audition and we are rushing to get the performance into one piece to,at least,make it presentable.The co-operation we are getting are just terrible,the screams,shouting were heard,yet some people can just be so ignorant,they just could not careless.And when we do not participate them in the dance,they would just go snitch on us,and tell-tale to our Heads.Whats is wrong with you?Skipping the practice during the whole holidays,we can ignore.If you dont want to participate,fine.But if you do,just get your ass moving and do something for god sake.The steps are not difficult if you make an effort.Theres this proverb,which im not that sure about,goes like this,"Lazy people find excuse,but hardworking people actually find a way,a solution."*sigh* Hope tomorrow everything goes well.Imagine what the teachers would think what we show them our performance,this convinces them more that we are actually the worst batch.Nothing can be said or done now,but wait for tomorrow and see how everything goes tomorrow.

Nonethless,i have to give credit to Jilly,my sweety.Choreographing is not an easy job and she did a good job.Better than good,a wonderful job.Her moves are just cool.Some people might think it is a little fast,but when you get the hang of it,it can be a little slow.*hehe* And when everyone just do it coordinatedly,the outcome is splendid.So three cheers for Jilly.*Hip hip hooray* x3 Hope i do not spoil or wreck your cool moves.

*deep in thoughts*

Sometimes i feel im such a bitch,asking people to do stuff when people are reluctant.I have no idea why.Is it because indirectly i feel i am responsible somehow or another?Or it is because i am just a plain bitch?In fact,as i know,it is a part of my reponsibility,but somehow not.I am confused.To everyone,i apologised for being such a pain.=s

Whee

Whee,at last something happy after so many depressing and stressing posts.This is the only one actually,if you noticed.I got a new handphone,although it is not as nice as jill's and sam's but i'm happy with what i have.As Sam said,'beggars are no choosers',so i shall just comfort myself with that.Disappointingly the phone have no bluetooth,but what the hell,soemthing is better than nothing as they always say.I hope everyone have infared.=s Well,i dont wanna complain much,i though among everyone i change my phone most frequent.When i got my handphone from form 3 until now, i have changed,estimated,around 4 handphones,slowly upgrading.=p Rich brat?Nay.It's just people keep passing down handphones.

At last,i felt a relief in the Teachers' Day and Prefect Gathering planning.At least i think so.The games are planned,food done,planning almost complete and most importantly the performance is really chun(Jill dont kembang ya) We will make Pn Siva,"Memorable opening" come true.Whee! Not only that,make Pn Siva "couldnt care less Prefect Gathering" a memorable one too. I'll just wait for everything to fall into place when school reopen but seeing as always the fall into place would end up fall into pieces.So *sigh* hopes everything goes smoothly.

*The reply of schools is not very good,hope it is because they forgot or whatever.

One word-Frustration

All of a sudden,i just feel that i hate scrabble so much.Not exactly hate,just in no mood anymore.Maybe it is thanks to this someone,maybe i just dont,cant or shouldnt play this game.Although some people say i am "quite good" at it,but i think i am just no good in it.Maybe it is a sign,playing scrabble is just a waste of time.It is just to let some people have the excitement of thrashing someone with much pleasure and fun.

I HATE it when people sort of agreed to do something but can keep to what they promised.Fine,it was not promised but they didnt exactly "no".If you dont want to then just say a no or i dont want.Is it that hard?You have to make me go through the trouble and keep persuing the matter,and you will keep procrastinating the matter till heaven knows.And you will divert the matter,ignore me and just give stupid "excuses" which it is just plain dumb or absurd.Does my forehead write "I'm dumb" or what?

Hectic as ever!

Whee,the exam burden has lifted but things are as hectic as ever.I even spent my last day of school,worrying about Teachers' Day backdrop,Taylor accounting quiz and Biology PEKA,not forgetting the games for Teachers' Day.Rushing to get everything done.During this holidays,luckily i only have to come on a few specific days,for prefects performance,Accounts class then tuition classes.This holidays wont be enjoyable thats a guarantee.One things is for sure is Mrs Rozario is going to give us back our Accounts paper the next time she sees us,that is during the holidays, and she is really determinded to give us a hard time on it.Scolding,strangling and killing all of us.It is going to be another 2 hours of lecture.*sigh* When school reopen,life would be all about "stress" and "hectic".I have to make sure the backdrops are done.I did the half the backdrop for Teachers' Day but the designs are not up yet,while i happily forgotten about the Prefects Gathering and lucky for me there isnt a theme yet.So screw the backdrop.I hope we can just have Prefects Day without a backdrop,life would be so much easier.To add to our misery,Prefects Day is the day after Teachers' Day.So this means we have to prepare for two days performance.TWO.Not forgetting we have to put up a SPECTACULAR show as everyone is looking towards the opening ceremony.Besides performances and backdrop preparations,there is the Teachers' Day games,which i was suppose to plan and tell Pn Siva during the last day of school, and the whole Prefect Gathering to plan.I too make sure Prefect Gathering is held smoothly.Lucky for me,i have FK who actually worries about everything and would help me,sharing my burden.After the hectic Teachers Day and Prefect Gathering week,soon Speech Day is around the corner.That time you wont even see me in class.Check,chopping and arranging thousands of certificates would be a job i would never miss,ever.And i am not joking there are at least a thousands certifcates.Going for the "raptai",standing for hours and making sure everyone "take" their certs is going to be tiring.And to tell you frankly i might not even be there for Speech Day,which makes me in a deeper shit than i am.I am so screwed by FK and Pn Nancy.Argh.But we shall see whether i make it to the final round for the accounting quiz anot.Then as Pn Tee said,"The finals round for the Taylor accounting quiz is on Speech day,but just see what happens".Somehow i was happy i get to get out of Speech day,but another part of me tells me im so gonna get killed.I shall just follow the flow and if the flow is too rapid and kills me,good luck to me then.=s After Speech Day would be our step down,somehow it is a relief, but yet there is still so many things to do,especially the performances,then sayonaro(no idea how to spell),Prefects days are over,what a relief.No more being compared to a normal students,saying as a prefect we should be outstanding.No more doing duties/helping teachers and being scolded for being late or not coming in to class or accused of 'ponteng' class.No more rushing Mondays,where the teachers just come and say there are prizes to be given out and they'll just throw everything to you,and if everything dont to goes well,they just start screaming at you.*phew* cant wait for that to happen.

Da Vinci Code was really good.Although it was a 18-PL show,i managed to go in,together with Sheel and Val,who are only 15.Yes we were a little afraid,thinking what would happen if we couldnt go in.But lucky for us,we managed to go in,although Val almost got caught.The show was great,for a movie which i read the book beforehand.They didnt cut much of the storylines,compared to HP4 and Memoirs of a Geisha.Well,maybe i lower my expectations or because Tom Hanks was a good actor,i dont know.Overall,you all should go watch the show.

Momentarily Independence

Thanks Sam for the extra publictiy,really appreciate it.To my fans?wth....Yes,Sam can be rather defiant and rebellious,opposing everything i ask.To Jill and Fern,no hard feeling for not telling you ya.It's just that my writing skills are not that good,more to terrible and horrendous.Iim not even exaggerating,giving myself extra credit somemore.So,hmm,sorry.I <3 you all.

One more day left and we will gain "independence".Fine,most of us consider today's paper as our last paper.Today was a hectic day.Biology paper 3,Accounts paper 1 and,last but not least,Chemistry paper 3.*phew* was I ever glad that today is over.

Two weeks ago,i was wondering how am i going to live through this day,another 2-hours-sleep or another sleepess nights?But nay,thanks to some extra information,i managed to sleep at 1.Somehow,my body got adjusted to my 2 hours sleep and i woke up at 5.5!!Damn. I changed during this whole exams.3 weeks ago,i would scoff at the idea of getting the papers or tips for the exams.First week was BM,English,Maths and Add Maths.The idea of getting tips never existed in my mind.During the 2nd week,whenever i come to school,people seems to give me the tips.5 minutes before the bloody exam.Dont see much use,but at least it is better than nothing.But inside me,there seems to be this anger arousing inside me,contempt towards those paper who actually knew,and especially those who actually have the paper and memorised the bloody answers.Somehow i managed to last through the week.A day before our history paper,someone sent me the tips for the history paper.I was really shocked at the moment,thinking whether i should just ignore it.My hunch was to keep the message,just incase.Then,on Sunday,i couldnt concentrate and study History at all.8pm and i havent start the form 4 syllabus at all.I panicked,in the verge of breaking down.I didnt know what to do,so i was desperate,i actually read the tips.I didnt really read the other topics,somehow flew through the whole book.I was rather grateful with the tips,without it,i think i would not even take the exam.And if i do not take this exam,there would be loads of trouble for me.So thanks to u,who gave me the tips.Im really grateful.Then the next day,was chemistry,there was tips too.I didnt ask for them,they was just sent over.But the tips was rather general,so it was not that bad.I didnt feel so guilty.Yesterday,went i came home,she sent to me the tips again.Besides her,there was another person.From 8.30 and 9.30,tips for Biology and Chemistry paper 3 was "going" in and out of my handphone.I was sms-ing near to 10 people at one shot.Receiving tips and sending them.At the end,there was so many similarities with the tips i received that i concluded what was coming out.And yes,it did came out exactly.I felt rather guilty though.Although i did read everything,just incase,but somehow,in my opinion,that is not how you take an exams.Walking into an examination hall with just the tips and memorising all of them just defeats the purpose of having exams.To many people,they probably roll their eyes and say,"Please,without the tips you would score in your papers anyway."But have they ever thought that that is not the point.It is better to mess up now then later in your SPM exams.As i said,i changed,i became desperate and depended on it.Why?All i can say is that i was lazy and studying last minute usually works for me,but not this time,there was just so many things and so little time.Time seems to be flying past and i became worried.Panicked.My mind was saying,'many people in my class knew what was coming out,even those "smart" people.So why should i not have the tips?there is no reason why.'But there is still this guilt and i felt bad.It is just wrong and not ethical.*sigh*

How obvious can the answer be?Philosophers and accountants,they have such vast difference.I cant believe they can actually ask to choose between Ptolemy,Plato,Luca Paciolli and Aristole.Sam and i just burst out laughing when we read the question.Hello?Duh,if anyone dont know this,you just made me speechless.

Pn Haida was in a sarcastic mood today.When she came in,she asked YL with full of surprise,sarcastic more like it,"You are taking the exam.Are you ready for the exam?"I was shocked.Ouch.How sarcastic can she be?Then she said,"I hope you will do well for the next exam.Full-swing.I dont blame you,most of your time spent last year was not in school." Imagine,saying it in front of the whole class,and everyone know what it meant.=s If it was me,i really dont know how to react.YL just calmly sit there,ignoring her.Pn Haida is mean.Ditto.

I feel so dumb.I made it so obvious that we knew what was coming out.Before the Chemistry paper 3,MX,Sam and i was reading Chem,how temperature affects the rate of reaction.Suddenly Pn Haida came over,and was looking at what we were reading.She said,'Not important'.Then,she started flipping the pages and closed my book,'Nothing you read now is important.Nothing is going to go in'.Fine,doesnt matter anyway,in fact,nothing was going in,the joy of taking the last paper.Then when we distributed the paper and told us about the correction,she said something like(not sure),"Now i know why all of you were reading the same page."Somehow,i think it is said to MX,Sam and I as we were reading the same page before the exams.So much for keeping a low profile and not letting the teachers.Dumb.

Ms Winnie was rather "cute" or "weird" during our Chemistry exam.At 12.45,some people finished the paper and wanted to sleep but she didnt let them.She announced to our class,"If you sleep,i am going to penalise 5 marks."Unbelievable?Yes,i know.But Ms Winnie actually means what she says so everyone sat up and started checking the paper.Sam caught my eye,and we starred at each other,full with bewilderment.So since they could sleep,they was asking her for the string to tie their paper,which she said she will only distribute the string at 12.55,in the meantime,we are to check our paper until we are sick of it.But i was thankful,spotted whole lot of question,seeing how i messed up this paper after correecting so many mistakes.=s Then after she collected our paper,we started talking about the paper.Ms Winnie,"No use talking about the papers,i have the answers" Swtz.=s She continued about how we should study during the holidays,explainning to us that she marked our paper 1 already,fast i know,compared us to 5K,sayiing our standard is near to each other.=s Sorry but i dont like the way teachers compare us to the other classes.They are not dumb,in fact they are rather smart,so we should not compare it this way,they can beat all of us too.

You disappoint me.I see no point if you are going to memorise everything.Study smart not study hard.Memorising everything,every single word,every single digit and every single calcualtion is not going to get you anywhere.You should try to understand what you are doing,and not do it blindly,self-application.It would help alot if you understand what you are doing and not by memorising.And if you are not ready for the exams,begging for question,getting exactly what is coming for the exams wont get you anywhere in the future.Sometimes you just disappoint me,you are smart,and you have a brilliant mind with a very good memory,but studying blindly or taking short cuts,is not a solution.

Thanks Jill for suggesting to put my picture.Gave me a shock of my life to see my picture up there.I was wondering why,not that i was the first or anything.I wanted to go find the culprit and kill her,but the killing part didnt come true.Maybe i should do that.=s I tell you,nobody is going to buy the pictures,you have my word.=p

I cant believe Sam actually got me to download the scrabble software.Damn.Scrabble freaks.*sigh* I am ok with scrabble dont exactly loathe it or anything,but i would definitely not be a hobby.It is just so wrong.Lets just say i dont go well with words and alphabets,numbers are more my thing.So Sam,if i suck in scrabble,sorry to disappoint you.

*Listening to Dont Stop Me Now by Queens.The song rox.*

CHS Tribute

Wanted to blog about this yesterday but it slipped my mind.Yesterday,my sister was talking on the phone with her friend.When she put down the phone,she started complaining about her friend and how she have to buy more books.Great,psycho friend who have 3 workbook for each subject and she is currently in form 2.And this is only Mid-year.She read finish her History book and seeing how they study,she could probably tell you the content in the page by just telling her the page number.Me?I dont even have one workbook for each subject(excluding past-year papers),and i am in Form 5,taking my Diagnostik paper, messing every single paper there is possible.How am i suppose to sit my SPM examination?Seeing how things are going now,i just have to say Good Luck in taking your SPM examination and GoodBye 11A's.

I was flipping through the pages of my Biology book.I saw something that caught my eye,something i wrote and it was the exact question that came out for the Biology paper.ARGH!I didnt really know how to answer of the question and scribbled some dumb answers.

Jebbie,Thanks,i know i Rock.=p

Tiring Week

Second week of exams and i am sick of them already.Dont know how am i going to leave through the next one.My only hope for a stupid A1 for one the 3 science subject just went down the drain.I managed to mess up my Physic's last paper,Paper 3,the eksperiment part.Congrats Lisa,good job.You are getting NIL out of 12 for it.GREAT!!!And the question was about Electric, and i messed that up.ELECTRIC!I should reconsider my ambition now.An Engineer who sucks in the electric subject.Yahoo!You will make a very good engineer in the future,if you still want to become one,seeing how you suck in it.You can always choose civil engineering.It is another choice.

Hah,biology was never my favourite subject and it just became a heavier burden.Well,i managed to screw that up too.Gentian gelendong = gentian gelondang? Human have penglihatan monokular?Great,dumb mistakes,for dumb people.Just great.Today,when Pn Maryati was giving out the Biology test paper,i caught a glimpse of the back paper and saw this picture of a plant,and under my breathe i said,"shit".But somehow i said it too loud and Pn Maryati heard me and she starting asking me,"Shit apa?".Damn.Everyone starting looking at me,i was so embarassed.I was telling Nit luckily i didnt say the Eff word,or else,hah,meet your death!Then later someone sweared the Eff word which not only i heard,Sam too and Sam is like way across the class,shockingly Pn Maryati didnt hear anything or maybe she just pretended not to hear.And it wasnt me Sam,it might be Li Nar or Cat.

Both Physics and Biology turned out to be a disaster.Horrible paper. And to say i actually stay up until 4am to study and finish reading the syllabus.2 hours of pathetic sleep,i never did that before, and i screwed the papers up.DAMN!This taught me that last minute work will not do anymore.Cramming whatever you have been learning for the past 2 years in one night is plain absurd and plain dumb.Maybe i deserve whatever marks im going to get in this exams,all the screwed up marks,even Accounts,and may this be a lesson.I made a promise to myself that i will study consistently after this exam but "No Action Talk Only" seems to exist in my dictionary.I would just laze around and when Trials comes,bang,i should just take a gun and kill myself.

Sam wrote a post about how she was ignoring me.Actually i never felt ignored and shoved aside.Although she always say, "Please la! You are still going to get higher marks than me anyway!" but she does listen to me too.I know that i am just making her more tensed up but the exams but i couldnt help it,i just need to let out my anger.I have been making all this stupid mistakes in the exams and i just feel so DUMB!I know i could have done better,but no i am too lazy and now i have to pay the consequences.Sam dont worry,you never ignored me even if you feel that way.I know i do stress you up when i talked about how i messed up in the exams.You have been there for me,as far as i am concerned.Thanks ya!If i ever make you tensed up or maybe feel "dumb"(which your not),SORRY!

And cheers to all who were honest and true to yourself in the exams,although you might get a lower mark in this exam but not to worry,you know your standard and there is still time to make a come back.To those who actually saw the paper and have it,i wish you luck in your SPM.I hope you get a copy of it too.Peace.=p

Thanks Sammi

Tomorrow is Mothers' Day.My mom,sister and i went shopping yesterday.At first the plan was, my mom was to suppose to buy her own present as we had exams and had to study.Then she started,"Not sincere one.So pathetic i have to buy my own present.Fine,i go buy my present alone.Shop alone." I felt a little guilty,so Feli and i accompanied her to buy her present.Now, im glad to say i got my mom a present.A rather expensive one though,RM288.An EYE massager,which burnt a hole in my pocket.Obviously my mom had to pay some and my sisters chipped in.Well,only one of them.The other one just chipped in RM18.Damn.Not even 10% out of the price.But as my mother said,it is the thoughts that count.Seeing Feli,just be glad with what she gave.My mom and i was making fun of her,it is difficult to even get 10 cents out of her,let alone RM18.So be grateful.So,hmm,cant do much about it.

Today,Sam smsed me at around 9,saying i am so busy studying,neglecting her and never sms her for 2 days.But actually, at the same time i wanted to sms her,but was rather scpetical as i didnt want to disturb her.Then we started chatting about stuff,Mothers Day,exams and studies.Starting talking about this thingy called Epilator,this hair remover,which god knows what is it.I was blur,"Why did you want something to remove your hair(thinking about the hair on top of our hair not the one on the body).If you want to remove hair,cant you just cut(shaving was another choice)?Then she explained to me what it actually was.Opps,my mistake,cant help it,i never knew much about removing hair.

I also told Sam that i had this new blog,but didnt want to tell her the website.No use reading this blog,it would only make you more depressed,Sam.Duh!Read the blog name,how comforting can it get?Only one word goes through the mind,"DEPRESSING",and you are damn right about it.Then she sent me this message,

"Dear god,please hear my prayer.I want the recipient of this message to behappy always even if it means shortening my life.Because i would never want to see her unhappy.She made me feel special,loved and cared for and i look back again and realize this cruel world was worth living after all.She might not know how much she means to me but i just want her to have your blessings in life.Even when the whole world is against her,i need your help to whisper these words into her heart:Sam might not understand what you are going through but when you need a shoulder to cry on,she'll offer hers and cry along with you.God,keep this a secret among us coz even if you dont tell her,i know she still realizes how much I LOVE HER.Amen."

I felt so touch.If i could, i just wanted to go to her house and hug her and never let go,but unfortunately that is not possible.I was in a mood to show my affection and started messaging all this message to her,expressing how i really felt,which Sam felt touched to and wanted to cry.

I dont know how to express my feeling and gratitude, Sam.All i can say is,"Thanks Sam.I really needed it.You made my day.I <3 YOU."

Depressing week

It's been 5 months since i even blogged.Not surprising,not that i am the kind who actually blogs,n0ot even once a month.No idea why i have the sudden urge to blog today.but i needed to let out my feelings somehow.Tried blasting to the radio,listening to music,hitting walls.Nothing really works,wanting to shout too but ,nay,people will think im crazy.Im not the kind who cries too,so definitely not my way of expressing my feelings.

This week our exams started and it didnt really go too well as i expected.I never feel so tensed up and stressed out about an examination before.i even tried preparing beforehand,juggling with everyhting,with my homework,tuition,prefefct duties and everything to at least allocate a time to study everyday,which sometimes didnt really worked out,but it seem like everything i did just backfire,nothing went really well during this examination period.First was the BM examination.Goddamn it,i slept at 1 something to read komsas,which the next day i went to school and everyone knew what was coming out already.The trouble i went through.But i comfort myself,thinking never mind at least you are ready,which i have my doubts about it too.When i saw the BM paper 1,i was thinking,ok at least i think i could answer this.Everything went ok for the paper but when i saw the paper 2,i was cursing.The rumusan,tatabahasa and the novel part,i knew what was coming out 10 minutes before the paper, was ok.But the komsas part was plain hard n ridibulous.Why would i want to be Hang Tuah and prevent myself from killing Hang Jebat,and anyway Hang Tuah wanted to kill Hang Jebat not that he was reluctant or anything right?Then Anak Laut came out.I didnt really like this sajak(or whatever is it) to start with,very hard to comprehend this novel,talking about this old fisherman.Then they asked how can the fishermen imrpove their lifestyle?Dude,how am i to know?Im no fisherman,or fisherwoman.Anyway,i doubt they can do anything,they have to depend on other people.

The 2nd day was my English paper.I totally blank out.Whoever who said that government examination are easy.Screw them.The paper was harder than the English paper we usually take.I looked at the question,hoping there would be at least one out of the five question they gave that i have ideas about what to write,but N-O.Nothing.I have nothing to write for all the question,even the directed writing.I didnt know what to do,but i have no choice,time is ticking and im losing precious time.So i started with the directed writing,i wrote it 3 times.Imainge,but i was rather satisfied compared to the other continuous writing.I totally crap my way through the whole paper.I didnt know what to do,but had to start.I picked a random topic and started to write.I was thinking and writing,and the story that i produced was more than farfetched,it was plain absurd.What the hell! then after recess was our paper 2.Lets just say i managed to screw that up too.So much for my A in English.It just went out the window and died on the spot.

Then it was Maths.The third day,well i expected myself to just fly through today,at least it was one of the few A's i could get seeing how this examination is going.We started with paper 2.Damn,was i wrong.I was so stressed during the whole paper.I was ok until i reached the graph part.I like Maths but not anything that got to do with graph,so i spent alot of time drawing the graphs.And there was like so many graphs,and statistics question.I hated graph and statistics,and they had to ask so many question on it.I usually get a little tensed doing graph so when we had to do 3 or is it 4 graph i was in no mood at all.Then there was this question which i totally blanked out.Damn,my mood detoriorated.Then there was this 'min' question which i was counting,pressing the numbers like nobody else business.First time i pressed i got this answer,the next time i tried again,different answer.Then i starting punching in numbers for another 10 tries,and everytime there is this different answer.i was in a major bad moood,whats the use of a calculator if everytime you get a different answer.I felt like throwing my calculator.At last,i found my stupid mistake,i copied the question wrongly.I was like WTF.I hate statistics.Lucky for me,paper 1 was rather easy,and i sailed through it.

Fourth day is add maths.Everyone is like please la,dont you complain,you will probably score in it.But this make me more stressed out,what if i screw up,what if i just blank out,what if i dunno,what if anything.I cant take it if just lose my A.This made me more stressed out.Is like everyone gave me this hope and pressure and if i screwed up the impact on me is worst.i thought i was ready,at least this was the first time i actually did not study add maths last minutes.i started a week before but it was only 3 chapters.Well at least i started but now,somehow add maths didnt go too well.Paper one was ok but paper 2 was a nightmare.Dont want to say much about it,too many things.

Is my competitiveness killing me?I never felt so stressed out,not even when i was sitting my PMR examination and this is only my diagnostik.How am i gonna live through trials and my SPM?

Is it because everyone have this hope on me,expecting me to excel?Is it because i got this standard and i have to keep it?Is it because i am just plain competitive and i want to remain as one of the top?Is it because i cant lose and i am a sore loser?Is it because i just think i can do better?Is it because i have too much expectation on myself and i dont know my limits?I just feel so stressed out.I know i have to work hard,but i am just not in the mood.I was been burning the midnight oil,studying until late night,and the exams just seem to sux.And i dont feel like taking this exam.Firstly because im so not ready and 2nd everyone seems to know what is coming out,so why are we taking this exam?WHY?Whats the point?Sam said we can test our on abilities,who cares about the others?But i seem to care.I have no idea why.

*Struggling to live through this examination period*

New blog?

My new blog.Lets see whether i would blog it or not?or it will remain redundant or empty as usual.