The Final Piece
Dear Mother,
May I bring to your concern that it has barely been 3 months since my return from Australia and you have already forgotten what it is like not to have a son in your presence. I heed you to calm your lashing tongue and think before you speak without such phrases that I am, "mopping" around just because I am taking a half year break from everything. Do you always think that what you see is what you get? I am doing such a thing because I am also assessing the situation if I should stay in Singapore or not... And it matters much to me that I could live in your presence and to this day I have concluded not. But I warn you that the future without a son is highly likely. I grew up with parents who did not know how to outwardly love their children - where outwardly love was always in the back seat. If one provided for their child it was already considered to love them. The very fact that I never heard Dad say i love you till I was 15 was shocking to me. I am deeply disappointed in the fact that when I come home I am only welcomed back for the first week and after that you go back to your old ways of putting me down, if I do not pack my stuff I am considered untidy and with unthiughtful phrases of "if you're like this, see which woman will marry you" and constantly raising your voice because one jumps to conclusions that I am not open to discussion. All I wanted was for parents to sit down and discuss with me items of the heart. I grew up with a father running away from confrontations and a finicky mother who only knew how to shout. How then do you expect one's child to be able to communicate his/her ideas through? I see my friends around me have such great connection with their parents and I only marvel in jealousy because it doesn't exist it my world. Rest assured, I have learnt my lessons from your life and my kids will not suffer from the same silent unassuming love that you show. By the way, I still remember Banker and it is by far one of the gravest mistakes that I will never forgive you for - the worst judgement one could have made, what the hell do you think you were doing? Do I look 5 to you? That taking him away would have solved the issue? I do not regret saying that I would do the same to you if I had the chance, as if that will solve the issue. You cunning bastard.
I still remember you mentioning that you will be,"relieved that your father would pass on" because he was such a handful at times. I wait upon his death to find out if you would take those words back and in this from which you always deny jumping to conclusions, I will be proven right of you not thinking before saying something you didn't mean.
If I stay at home one complains that I "mop" around and am" wasting time". When I go out I get questioned to why I go out so often and get nagged at. Then I ask you, what the fuck do I do? Everything I do is wrong then I beg of you to shut the fuck up because instead of loving outwardly all you are doing is nagging. Get it into your numb skull that nagging does not EQUATE to loving a child and in that I will never understand Asian parents.
Most of all if you know me well enough, when I do something I do it all the way with intensity that could probably outshine the sun at times and this is one that I am taking a long time to decide because of the gravity of it.
I have concluded not to come back to Singapore for a period of time. Perhaps till your death because I am not appreciated. I wish you well mother, you are my mom but I am not bound to you by a cord.
P.S. You should have treasured your son when you had the chance and now it's too late.
Yours with Love,
Your youngest son. Goodbye mother.
May I bring to your concern that it has barely been 3 months since my return from Australia and you have already forgotten what it is like not to have a son in your presence. I heed you to calm your lashing tongue and think before you speak without such phrases that I am, "mopping" around just because I am taking a half year break from everything. Do you always think that what you see is what you get? I am doing such a thing because I am also assessing the situation if I should stay in Singapore or not... And it matters much to me that I could live in your presence and to this day I have concluded not. But I warn you that the future without a son is highly likely. I grew up with parents who did not know how to outwardly love their children - where outwardly love was always in the back seat. If one provided for their child it was already considered to love them. The very fact that I never heard Dad say i love you till I was 15 was shocking to me. I am deeply disappointed in the fact that when I come home I am only welcomed back for the first week and after that you go back to your old ways of putting me down, if I do not pack my stuff I am considered untidy and with unthiughtful phrases of "if you're like this, see which woman will marry you" and constantly raising your voice because one jumps to conclusions that I am not open to discussion. All I wanted was for parents to sit down and discuss with me items of the heart. I grew up with a father running away from confrontations and a finicky mother who only knew how to shout. How then do you expect one's child to be able to communicate his/her ideas through? I see my friends around me have such great connection with their parents and I only marvel in jealousy because it doesn't exist it my world. Rest assured, I have learnt my lessons from your life and my kids will not suffer from the same silent unassuming love that you show. By the way, I still remember Banker and it is by far one of the gravest mistakes that I will never forgive you for - the worst judgement one could have made, what the hell do you think you were doing? Do I look 5 to you? That taking him away would have solved the issue? I do not regret saying that I would do the same to you if I had the chance, as if that will solve the issue. You cunning bastard.
I still remember you mentioning that you will be,"relieved that your father would pass on" because he was such a handful at times. I wait upon his death to find out if you would take those words back and in this from which you always deny jumping to conclusions, I will be proven right of you not thinking before saying something you didn't mean.
If I stay at home one complains that I "mop" around and am" wasting time". When I go out I get questioned to why I go out so often and get nagged at. Then I ask you, what the fuck do I do? Everything I do is wrong then I beg of you to shut the fuck up because instead of loving outwardly all you are doing is nagging. Get it into your numb skull that nagging does not EQUATE to loving a child and in that I will never understand Asian parents.
Most of all if you know me well enough, when I do something I do it all the way with intensity that could probably outshine the sun at times and this is one that I am taking a long time to decide because of the gravity of it.
I have concluded not to come back to Singapore for a period of time. Perhaps till your death because I am not appreciated. I wish you well mother, you are my mom but I am not bound to you by a cord.
P.S. You should have treasured your son when you had the chance and now it's too late.
Yours with Love,
Your youngest son. Goodbye mother.
posted by Frederick at
7:24 AM
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