I hope you are reading this and if you are then i thank you because i prayed and believed that in due time you will. I do not want to prolong your pain and suffering any longer, i understand the severity of what you are going through. Please let me clear some doubts, i am a man and i do not indulge in acts of promiscuity out of free will and at my whims, i maybe a Sanguine but i have my sanity and dignity as well. I would rather in my time encourage the growth of knowledge and enlightenment into the meaning of life for enlightenment knows no boundaries and does not stop when it hits a obstacle.
Firstly, i apologize for causing you the hurt that you are feeling now. i do not wish to see you this way. i said that i did be a better man and it is an imperative that i do it my way for only you/myself am able to love and understand one's self. I recently went out with a few friends and i must say it was clearer for me. I've always questioned myself if the patch of grass i am standing on is greener than the other field, truth be told, in life there are many fields to be explored but only so many that you are able to explore in your lifetime. I must and i say again MUST learn to enjoy and appreciate every blade of grass that is under and around my feet to truly understand life, to know it in and out, to grasp and treasure, to truly study myself... to be a better man. We often only know so much of ourselves and often loose sight of what we have within reach and under our feet because we are too obsessed with our surroundings - the trees in the horizon, the fields a washed in sunshine across the meadow. But what really needs to be done is to move aside, to allow sunshine to be shone upon the grass you are standing on. i can swear with my hand over my heart that as of now, i do not understand myself fully nor love myself fully and until i can learn that it is something that cannot be taught but learned - learnt through self reflection, to look one's self in the mirror. For years i have been afraid of doing so for i feared what may lie in front of me. In this time that i do not have you, even now i am learning through experiences that i am going through - i am learning to appreciate the little things that you've done for me and to learn more about myself. I've always told you i wanted to be a better man. But i've not told you my method. i hope that in this you will understand that i am the better man that you will see coming down the road. I am changing dandelion, changing for the better - i reassure you. i am thinking more as an individual than ever before. You may have overcame this because you have had more experiences in life be they good or bad. i have not. I hope you understand that it is my timeline to learn to love myself before i can give out that love, to solidify one's inner soul (i didn't say character for it is too shallow a description) before i can give forth my harvest to others. To love is to give a part of one's soul, i know you have and i want to thank you for that, a life lesson that i will always remember and am indebted to you. I'm sorry i cannot rush this process, but i am learning to truly understand myself on the path to enlightenment. i am not running away, i am just learning to become a better man for you.
To be a better man.
