i must say that these few days are tough for me.

i'm sure it's even tougher for dandelion,

i just don't understand why she blew up at me, well maybe i do. kinda. its not that i don't understand how she feels, i know that she has gone out in every way for my by making my line longer and not restricting me as much as before, i ask and it is given, i ask for more and yet more is given. But it comes to a point where there is just so much a person and give before well, giving up. i feel depressed and lost, perhaps i need more soul

searching. am i going to look back in the future and say that i've once had it all but now i've lost it all? Happiness had no standard. It's either you are happy or not. there is no in-between. one's standards should not conform to others, but she has done it for me. have i done the same for her? i must admit, i must have my social life... to be able to go out freely with whoever i wish to do so otherwise i 'd feel restricted - it's just me. after 2 years of not mixing much or expanding my social circle i feel a sense of claustrophobia-of-the

-mind, if you may call it that. Ever so often i did go on a roller coaster ride of my emotions, up and down, up and down... its a cycle. i see something, im not happy with it, i try to fix it, i fail, i get pissed and then Jaisie comes along at e wrong time and i vent it on her. Yes. Im a Sinner with a capital S, i know. She was a different person when i first met her, so much has changed over these 2 years, 1 month and 6 days. She was confident, now she isn't. She likes kids, i abhor them (not all, only those that cry a lot or make excessive noise). She wants 2 kids, i don't one any yet. She enjoys stability, i prefer taking risks. She's clean, i'm messy. She enjoys routine, i enjoy change. i really am lost now, not knowing what to do in this situation. Will i lose her forever? and perhaps regret forever? i don't want to scar her to the point that she runs away, i just well wish to set my character and feelings straight. She has given my everything and yet i've taken everything. i'm like a lost sheep, wandering in the wilderness.

i am lost without my shepherd.

My Shepherd.