i love masturbation

All i can say it was a rather eye opening night today, i was shocked to hear what she told me. But then again, its the modern world, where things are not kept sacred anymore. Propagandic slogans chanted gobally about pleasing yourself before others. but you know, even i as a guy will not say no if offered, i know it myself, but i Must must take precautions... but my best chance is just to run... to slap myself in my face and say No... because the concequences of what will happen after a 12 second orgasm would be just be... destructive to one's friendship. Wake up, its either you feel guilty or not guilty, indifference counts as not guilty, there is no in between. What is there to lose you may ask? Well.... first will be your dignity, next is your responsibility, then being filial to your future partner. i dont give a shit bout that aids part. its more of a moral obligation that i must learn to carry out in today's society. i am not Just someone, i Am someone. i have a name, i have a soul, i have feelings and coupled with that is my dignity. Frankly i rather masturbate it out...

its just well, i dont want to see her going through this vicious cycle again and again... love is free, but you should not be free too. you are of worth. you are of worth to me.

Dinner $200
Glass of wine $14
Another glass $14
One more cant kill... $14
Hotel room $1000
Dignity lost $ Priceless...

True aint it? you cant gain it back or anything you do will rectify the situation. People marry for sex not for love and those that do will probably get bored of it.

Girls give sex for love,
Guys give love for sex.

12 seconds of pleasure compared to 12 years of friendship, which is more worth it?

ultimately, you'll feel very alone...

i dont see why people will not spend good money to have a good dining experience. People spend hundreds on branded items, crumplers and all. something that will last a decade, to them that is worth it. Memories of good experiences last me a life time so i think its more worth it.

Frankly when one of my friends told me that "im not like you, not so rich" i just didnt know what to say. i just wanted to try how it was and i just told him how was it. i didnt mean it in a bad way to have him to be jealous or envious. to me thats something worth, to leave someone else with an impression and enjoying yourself and i have not smiled that much in quite awhile now. yes, i truly think it was worth it.

i am honoured to just have experienced good service, good ambiance and good food! i mean at least once in my life. i've never tasted food like that in my life, truly i have not and i may not ever. But i leave with the thought that i am truly satisfied with what i have experienced.

Maybe next time i rather not rave bout how good it was, it would be a memory between me and my fellow diners.

The Train of Fate

i've been thinking.... quite.... a lot recently. Stuff possibly. Things that are better kept cryptic. Insinous intentions of others may lurk 'round every corner. Y'all get it ain't it?

The Train moves forward, with every ounce of coal fed into its fiery gut. Faster and faster it goes, until it is slowed, not by the lack of coal... but by the wind that tightens its noose. One train against the whole World's atmosphere, millions of tons bearing down upon it - with its ever so light ferocity. This Train travels by no track, by no visible coal. Driving by possibilities of divergent ways, a set of wheels that must travel parallel. For a train without any equal wheels will not be a train at all. Its passengers all hollowed to the core, unknowing, stupidified by the pleasures that this journey brings - never questioning, never wanting. They're doom, impending. For all passengers always ends up at the same destination.

i guess i dont mean much to you... i've never been told that you enjoy my company, nothing.

i guess it is just infatuation. i shouldnt be coyed by all the sweet things in life. all my efforts seem to go to waste, unheard of, unappreciated. it is better now or never that i should wake up. i dont really think she knows, but i've just tried to be there for her every now and then. rather her just tell me in my face to calm down, get lost, Anything but a dining table topic.

What lies in true conversation are controversial topics that requires one's trust.

topics that require a person to care, share and maybe even to bring me to their secret lair.

If your reading this, im going away for awhile. To seek relief. Do not bother. Because i have given up bothering. Most likely you wont bother much yourself, im not worth that much to you i guess.

-We live, We die, and the wheels on the bus go round and round-

There is no worse person to be than to be a Perfectionist who can live up to himself....

now that hit home. Hard.