im not gonna say anything, but if anyone asks me out, stick to your promise man.

esp when im already on my way....

cab fair for $41.40!!!!! woah... shit tts some cab fair man. anyway too hight to type now had a couple of beers.... just wanna zonk out now. nights.

man im never gonna ask people, who cant make up their minds, out ever... takes 3 hours waiting around to have an answer from them by the time they reply, theres no more time to go out. its always the case of wanna go out? yeah sure! then... dun reply and its that kinda carefree attitude that i hate the most cos there's no sense of urgency. Your time spent is time where someone is waiting for you too, think bout it.

Goh teared... well tts what i heard from my friend, that he teared during wed's crit for 01/02. in a way i do feel bad too... you know you did your best but yet you did so little and gave them this pile of shit and expect them to mark it.

i think his fatherly instinct took over, being the teacher of 01/02 he would definately want to see the best in them.
im sure every lecturer would, even ken or mdm chan.

tts why when bumped into ken i just couldnt... couldnt look him in the eye anymore. he knew something was wrong with me and my work, i knew something was wrong. So what am i gonna do about it... i think i know the answer.

i guess i cant just sit here on my arse and gloat bout this and that, i've gotta get a move on! to prove tt i am truly passionate bout my work and for the people around me.

biggest question plaguing me from the lecturers. "What happened frederick?!"

and from ken himself "this is not of you Frederick, not of you"

if i could say something he would listen to is "im sorry ken, ill try my best the next time round, i know i did not reach my full potential and i thank you for noticing a difference in me." thank you, really. i thought tt you guys (lecturers) wouldnt notice anything. dumb of me to think so.

"im very disappointed in you frederick"

all the lecturers said it with a resounding voice...

i know i had let them down, i know i had...

and other comments like

"you had such rich ideas, i do not know if it was time management or just because you are stuck?"

"this is not you frederick"

but clearly they knew something went wrong with me. clearly they do not know what... but they knew, oh yes they did. only if they knew, but it just be a fucking wussy excuse to give to them.

for 4 weeks i did nothing but be affected by things that i should not have allowed it to, i couldnt help it...

a bad crit is one without any feedback. the floor was completely silent... they didnt have anything to say, cos it was all shit... shit i tell you. i agree... i got zero for most of the criterias...

downcasted looks that i would have to face till i improve in the future.

FUCK her. thanks for choosing the right time to kill me. during my submission.

Holy canandrums! lol. the house was rocked today by the sounds of a frying pan stuck upon a metal chopstick lol. the victim?

None other than Casey. lol needless to say she was pretty upset that she had to be awokened to the clanging sounds of me playing my own symphony, which God i hope was out of tune. LOL.

At 10 past 6 i went downstairs after not being able to sleep very well cos of some major screw up in my biological clock, so i came across casey lying on her comfy pillow, YES the maid gave her a Pillow with frilly laced sides and all, and its all to her scale. i proceeded to poking her on her belly and any exposed skin, after many failed attempts i suddenly recalled a scene from "I pity the fool" from the FX channel. LOL my thats when all hell broke loose...

hahah... i carefully snuck up to her and positioned my ahem, "Instruments" next to her ear and the terror began!!! *CLANG CLANG CLANG* LOL... never seen her so scared in her life.

priceless moments like these... if mastercard were to advertise it? Frying pan *$25*... $2.50*metal chopsticks*... To see the terrorized face of your dog? *Priceless*

Vet's fee's for the heartattack? *$400* lol.

i guess im a person that would usually keep to myself... well not unless you give me some booze! lol now tts a totally different story....

want to me talk more? gimmie booze... lol bring it

finally its over... okay well least for join crit 3... was discussing with a friend and he does agree that it is detremental to one's health to keep doing thi, this as in staying up so late and doing work till you feel like just punching your laptop cos it hangs and you and till you puke, cry or till you... you... you get the idea. and then rushing to school to hand up your work on time and then all of a sudden...
its over. your brain is still running at the highest gear and then suddenly you slam into a brick wall, well at least thats what happens every submission. its always a build up of all the adrenaline till one explosive surge of a one last push to the finish, which is the submission, and then its over..... its over.... u cant sleep for the next 6 hours because your body isnt meant to handle such sudden deceleration of adrenaline.

anyway i went out and watched simpsons again... but my my what an interesting day haha. didnt well expect some ppl to be so nice, well i truly appreciate meeting them. still a bit dazed but if u wanna know what happened u can ask me when im online :) but overall i really enjoyed myself lol, imagine what will happen with alcohol.

and Oooo... kissing someone with piercings is Hot... but i was so afraid i did swallow them :S

woah... more than 48 hours without sleep... dying soon... but yet again i can just push that final 6 hours to e finishing line... i can i can i can.

i've never done so much work till i puked this badly this morning. i mean yeah puking is like the norm for most submissions... but not this bad... im shivering and all.. im not mentally or physically drain just kinda sick of staring at e screen for so long... press on, e goal is just up ahead!!!

not worth keeping

okay i've decided to erase all my bad memories from my blog for the past few weeks, they just do not belong here... life's too short to let them get in e way...



frankly, the friendship is not salvagable to i dont think i should bother no more. besides now that person tt knows how i feel i dont think i should worry too much now... im slowly recovering dont worry peeps. hehe... oh yeah i erased my birthday post too cos its, you know... just a memory now. actually its one i do not want to keep. im looking forward to the holidays where i can get a breather and well make new friends and spend time with my friends.



God im gonna go into my twenties soon. sooner or later i did be complaining that im gonna be thirty! LOL never ending cycle of wishing that i were old now but younger later.



more pictures up soon dudes and dudettes. cheers and thank you for supporting me this far :)



P.s- if your reading this, please dont read it... you've thrown me off the map and left me to rot. so please i cant be bothered and i hope u are too... wanna know how i felt when u kicked me down tt cliff off the side of my heart? listen to Please by Staind. Lyrics are on one of my previous posts.

was just listening to liquid tension's experiment 2... and looking at e friendster profile, somehow i felt good cos i read laselle. Yeah arts, i jut love arts... i had this big boost of motivation as the music reached its peak, to think about all the artists that have put time and effort into creating a piece. if not for myself then i must work for the rest of them.

but then tt was only for like 5 seconds and then i was plunged back into reality... feeling my same old lousy self.

alptop crashed.... lost all my renderings and stuff like tt u know u get e idea... kinda screwed.

Staind - Please

Can't you see that I'm sick of this?
Chances are you're oblivious
To how I feel
Sitting on your throne
And I'm sure that
I'm not alone
Not alone
Not alone

Tell me please
Who the fuck did you want me to be?
Was it something that I couldn't see?
Never knew this would be so political
And pleaseI'm still wearing this miserable skin
And it's starting to tear from within
But it's obvious that doesn't bother you
So please

I didn't think that you'd sell me out
Now I know what you're all about
You might feel in control of things
But you're not holding all the strings
All the strings
All the strings

Tell me please
Who the fuck did you want me to be?
Was it something that I couldn't see?
Never knew this would be so political
And please

I'm still wearing this miserable skin
And it's starting to tear from within
But it's obvious that doesn't matter to you
I swallowed all your answers
I've swallowed all my pride
You've used up all your chances
Can't keep this all inside
Tell me please
Who the fuck did you want me to be?
Was it something that I couldn't see?
Never knew this would be so political
And please
I'm still wearing this miserable skin
And it's starting to tear from within
But it's obvious that doesn't bother you
So please

Don't keep telling me that it's okay
I don't buy all the shit that you say
And quite honestly
I'm fucking sick of it
So please
If I cut off this nose from my face
Then I wouldn't feel so out of place
But it still wouldn't be quite enough for you
So please

looking at my friendster pictures... come to think if it... i am quite moody sometimes and on some of those occasions tt i've placed on my friendster.. okay okay in fact ALL of them... argh.

but looking back the one thing that i do regret in all of them is not living them to the fullest, to enjoy their sweet sensations. to allow the moments to just flow down, smoothly, gently and just savouring them... yeah thats what i really wish for, for God to empower me to change the things i can change to be contented with the things i cant and to savour all the moments in my life.

New motto for me?

~savour moments not sour moments~

been real nice and grateful to catch up with an old friend of mine. ok well she's not old.... but you know... oh u get the idea. thank you caffiene baby.

banker went for a blood test on firday evening... thankfully e vet put on a muzzle in time just before he turned aggressive. Banker doesnt really like strangers, especially one's with big needles. anyway this is how he looks when he goes into a fit... i couldnt do anything... so helpless.

frothing at the mouth and all... this is after i jabbed him with medication... his tongue is almost in a shade of blue... i guess its due to the lack of blood when he could not breathe during the convulsions.

im not cruel, i just took the pictures fearing it would be his last moments so that my brother and sister could at least have closure if he dies. u know they must know everything... besides the vet told us not to touch him while he was having fits.

~i fear a life without him~

banker suffer more fits today after he had stopped his medication on monday... i had to inject him up his anus with a syringe filled with marijuana. Sedative drug but has side effects of being High... so he spent the next hour running around the house wagging his tail and being well, a very high dog indeed. the drug worked within a matter of seconds, was quite impressed but yet again i wouldnt wanna see my dog going around high all day. but it must happen within a lifetime eh? to see your dog high on marijuana.