20th may 06

RACHEL and JOCELYN came over to visit my church, well more like to learn about how a ministry is runned and how they can have revival in their youth ministry. I respect them, for they are th history makers of tomorrow that are willing to step forward to learn and not take things lying back. These kind of people who serve God and make sacrifices for him at such a young age truly are rare. Where many the people around their age are clubbing and sinning in many ways. the temptation coupled with their ragging hormones are hard to resist.

I have not had that powerful a worship in a long time, im grateful for it as it came at a most divine time where i had to deal with much disappointment, sin, stress and fatigue. it was so powerful that i could not stand. i tried a new method of approaching God, to thank him and praise him before i start worshiping and give him my all in worship, to speak in tongues and then asking him for more anointing.

I find that sometimes people are afraid to step forward into God's presence still stuck in their fear of being embarrassed in front of others. They are standing at the outer courts and watching the worship going on. With the act of stepping forward and asking God to Give you more you are showing that you have the faith to believe that he WILL give you more. When you know what is the FEAR of the Lord then you will recieve. Fearing is not the same as being afraid.

Fearing the heavenly father is a relationship that you have with your own earthly father, you fear him because you respect him and honor him and he is able to bring down punishment against you but you are still willing to go to him for love and refuge.

Being afraid is like being scared of your nagging mom. lol just kidding. Being afraid is literally to have a disliking for something. example, a snake... your afraid of it because you know it would bring you harm due to its venom. therefore you will not in anyway possible touch or go near it. you do not go to it to seek COMFORT or REFUGE.

Request to God

Lord teach me to be more like you.
Teach me how not to be complacent.
Teach me how to be more God fearing.
Teach me how to be a faithful servant.
Teach me lord how do i love your children
Teach me lord how to Forgive.
Teach me lord. Teach me lord. Teach me.
In Jesus's name i pray amen.

sometimes you just wish you could get down on one knee and say "im sorry" for the past wrongs that you've done. Sometimes the only person that understands you is you, oh yes and God too. People do not see things your way, they do not understand. All they did was to stand around you and pointed their accusing finger at you while you bled trying to regain your own footing. They called you a flirt. you kept quiet. Never do they understand why you did it. they never helped. Flirts will be flirts as they said. Your past wrong doings have brought you to where you are, broken and hurt, looking for love in all the wrong places. You get drunk in order to sleep. Why have you not seen that this would be the bane of your life. i have not looked to my brother for support. i ignored all his teachings and advice. All the while he stood by my side, pointing his finger to God as a sign board would. Like a drunken driver you drove on. Swerving and faltering. Another turn another danger, always having a close brush with catastrophe. Everyday you say silent prayers under your breath. you ask questions - Why did that happen, why are you so screwed, why have you not honored your parents, why did u not listen to God. Why have you not listened to the advice of elders. Why have you not listened to your brother in christ! your murmuring prayers are sometimes filled with so much anger that others can hear you and hey would often ask "what were you saying?". you just brush it off with a half-hearted smile which is truly broken from the inside.
You just wish that people would listen to you. Well they do, but then again they do not understand you enough to truly empathise for you. they ask you to change. Easy for them to say. Written down in history is what you have already done. You are changing - slowly. Once you tried to be another person altogether and got snapped at by people whom you trusted. You are being judged by other people. doesnt bother you. But it does bother you when they come right up to you and give you a tongue lashing. They do not know you freddie. they do not know you freddie. they do not understand. Change freddie, CHANGE! Yeah yeah easy for you to say. i am changing i truly am.

i care for you freddie.
erm.... okay?.
i treasure u my son.
you do?
Yes i do, very much.
im feeling down lord.
Why worry bout what they think about you.
its not that lord, its just that ... that....
That they hurt you.
Yes Lord.
im here for you son.
i know, i must learn to no lean unto my own understanding.
i am teaching you much through these experiences for i am coming sooner than you think.
when?
soon.
Lord im sorry that i did not handle some situations that you gave to me in a godly manner, but instead i did ungodly things to cut corners.
i forgive you my precious.
Lord what do u think of jia?
She is my child, my beloved. Every child is special in my eyes.
i know you were angry with the way i handled e situation with jia but i wish she would understand me.
She will, eventually. dont bother my son, she's in my hands.
Lord im sorry, im really sorry.
I have already forgiven you!
thank you lord.
my son some of the things that you do in your life is unpleasing to me.
i am trying to change, i will try to rely on you more to resist temptation.
i will always be by your side. im sure you know that i am. you can feel my anointing.
yes i can.

DRUNK

i drank a bottole of wine and im liek syuper drunk..... now i know what is e meaning of drunk. i can only concentrate for a few seconds before i become a totoal zombie where i cant even type.l.. e letters look so disfigured.. and im like speaking gibberish now...i can read e words on e screen.... dont u jus hate being drunk.... i drank a bottle of wine and im trying my best to type a post wherer i am drunk i mean like Rreally drunk my grammar is like crarp.;.... wah this sucks.... looking at e screen that seems like its floating around and feeling that ur skin is numb. my head is heavy and i feel kinda crappy...... thats how you contract STDS lah.... when ur mind is confused and the u have sex with andyone and i mean anyone..... freak man ihate this orientatetd feeling... cant type properyly.... im as read as a tomateo....... help,.... lol... ok i think i better sleep bye.

Primer 1

Yeah yeah so happy, im done with primer 1 - My architectural project. Spent two sleepless nights doing it was so satisfied when Mr Chieu stamped my portfolio phew.... then Woshhh... off to rockclimbing camp on the same day i finished. All in all i must say the people are Really nice really nice people indeed. Camp was Good... was more slack than some other camps, but i think their activities were more constructive and conducive? So glad that they didnt do lame stuff like forcing you to sing songs, do group cheers. yeah that kinda lame crap. So learnt a few techniques for rockclimbing. so cool lah hehehe.... but e tiles are a little smelly lol.

First day was team bonding day but i was so tired and zonked out that i couldnt really remember people's names. ( lol ok that may just be an excuse cos i often forget people's names like shikin, which i asked her over times lol...) but i was truly very tired because of the lack of sleep. First day was fun... nice knowing e peeps in SPRC, cool folks.

Second day was learning how to climb a wall... Oooo... was kinda fun. Manage to scale a 15 degree wall. You know sometimes e tile is so far and it seems you cant reach it but amazingly if you actually try hard enough u can reach it hehe.. amazing.... And your so afraid to fall because ur afraid that u might break your legs. But oh well, real happy that their a real responsible bunch that take many safety precautions, proud of you guys man...

Third day, my arms were so stiff and painful that i could not lift a chair, even opening a door was a difficulty. Tried Bouldering and i couldnt even hold my weight up. Geez need to excercise more. So i due to this i didnt climb e course that was set on e high wall :( but i guess e next chance will some day come by again.

i didnt know i offended one of my seniors, im so so sorry. I meant it as a joke, i think it went something like "Hahaha hey maybe i can even climb better than you" but i dint know u did take it personally, terrible feeling after u told me that u felt offended. i saw e video of u doing speed climbing and i've got to give it to you man, your good Real good ;]

week 2

Week 2 of architecture.................................................. arrrrrrggghhhh.............................................................. so now on top of making a paper model, sketching 6 different views, doing a portfolio and loads of stress... i have to do it again :S and that was the first week. Now i have to make it with another material in its same form, sketch it 3 times again, take photos, do the portfolio again all by tomorroooooowwowowow!~!!!! WOW indeed. Im going to burn the midnight oil again. so my typical week, or shall i say the last two weeks goes like this. Monday wake up at 7am, go to school, starts at 10am.... go home 6pm. Be real enthusiastic about my given project, do my work till late. sleep. wake up go to school do work. go home slack. basically tuesdays and fridays feel like slacking days for me lol. Off to rockclimbing camp this weekend. :)