game over

i dunno...... i think i'm meant to be alone in this world. no seriously, i think that.

Of Valentine's Day and feeling depressed

Once again, very inactive here. Don't really know who else is reading anymore. Blogs are dying out. But I won't be closing this anytime soon. Sometimes it's quite fun to read your past posts and laugh at your stupid self. And this following post will hopefully serve as a source of entertainment for my future self.
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See I've never really been bothered by Valentine's Day. Couples don't really irk me. Roses don't either. i just don't see the point of spending so much money on bad bad set meals and gross presents which no one really needs. For the past dunno how many years, as far as I remember, I've always spent V Day at home, living it as "just-another-day".

This year, an aquaintance of mine asked me to go tohis place for a "singles" gathering, for all his single friends. So I'm all like "oh ok... since I have nothing to lose, and nothing to do, just go lor", keeping an open mind about it.

So I met this guy at the party, seems pretty decent, looks above average and overall quite easy to talk to.... he seems to be sort of interested as well, and even offered to send me home. Of course, knowing me, I could have interpreted all these signs WRONG because I am VERY BAD at this. But alas, he stays in the west, and I in the east. So I didn't insist cos I also not so thick skinned. I was also too humji to ask for his number at that point in time. Obviously having alcohol in my system didn't increase my courage one bit.

So after I got home, I finally asked my friend to give me his number. But I was told he is asking for another dude's number. FUCK MY LIFE RIGHT? yup. FML indeed. Since I wasn't really that close to my friend, I didn't push it further la. Whatever. But you know what, the entire episode was just eating my insides up.

What the fuck did I do wrong this time. Everything seems to be gg ok, but he went on to ask for another person's number....

I'm ususally not easily affected by shit (like above) happening to me. But.... you know, after 28 years of being single, it does affects your self esteem somehow. Is there something inherently wrong with me, or is there something I'm doing wrongly? I don't think I have such shitty attitude when I'm meeting new people. I'm friendly, as long you do all the talking. I really think I'm not THAT ugly. So....... what gives?

I'm a completely self sufficient person. I'm independant. I like being alone for the most parts. But sometimes, you just need someone other than your friends and family, to be there for u...

alrighty. enough of being depressed. Im gg to be awesome again, soon.

whatever it is, im not a cyber bully

So recently, i've been getting myself into some shit. without naming names..... here it goes.

you know sometimes when i get drunk, or when i'm SUPER frustrated, i normally just blabber out my feelings, most of which can be out of proportion, out of line, out of context and purely do so for the sake of venting and ranting.

When i call someone a bitch, or a bastard, or a douchebag, or in this instance "a man of no substance", i don't literally mean that the person is a female dog, a illegitimate child, something to do with shit or a stupid person. there is a reason i say those things. Whether or not it is justified, is a separate matter because those are my opinions.

My only fault in this case is, i published it on Twitter. and of cos people i thought i could trust in a private conversation, couldn't keep their mouths shut. People, private convos are meant to be just that. private. I wouldn't expect to be whistle-blown upon, for a lack of better term. Such backstabbers.

I also thought that i'm smart enough to not post shit on facebook. And since my "following" on Twitter is rather small comparatively, it would be a "safer" place for me to vent. APPARENTLY NOT.

So yes, basically, someone ratted me out on something which i admit i said, but again in a private setting. Someone bascially screenshot my tweets and sent it to the person i was bitching about. And i think i basically ruined that person's life...... cos. In a nutshell, I think I outed a person who didnt want to be outed, TO HIS FAMILY no less.

like oh-my-god i think the shit just hit the fan and splattered everywhere. I hope i'm not being a cyber bully.... everyone bitches about everyone behind everybody's back, even friends. But it is not meant to be malicious, not meant to be found out, not meant to be vindictive, not meant to put down people. It is just GOSSIP. I hate to think that from now on, i have to self censor whatever that comes out of my mouth, for fear of being ratted on again. I don't do self censorship. If there's something i wanna say, i'd say it like it is. No sugarcoating.

The internet is just not a v safe place to do that, i've learnt, from this traumatic episode. Even more so for the said person. So, sincerest apologies, i hope your family don't give u shit.

and again, i'm not a cyber bully. I will just, not bitch online.