game over

i dunno...... i think i'm meant to be alone in this world. no seriously, i think that.

Of Valentine's Day and feeling depressed

Once again, very inactive here. Don't really know who else is reading anymore. Blogs are dying out. But I won't be closing this anytime soon. Sometimes it's quite fun to read your past posts and laugh at your stupid self. And this following post will hopefully serve as a source of entertainment for my future self.
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See I've never really been bothered by Valentine's Day. Couples don't really irk me. Roses don't either. i just don't see the point of spending so much money on bad bad set meals and gross presents which no one really needs. For the past dunno how many years, as far as I remember, I've always spent V Day at home, living it as "just-another-day".

This year, an aquaintance of mine asked me to go tohis place for a "singles" gathering, for all his single friends. So I'm all like "oh ok... since I have nothing to lose, and nothing to do, just go lor", keeping an open mind about it.

So I met this guy at the party, seems pretty decent, looks above average and overall quite easy to talk to.... he seems to be sort of interested as well, and even offered to send me home. Of course, knowing me, I could have interpreted all these signs WRONG because I am VERY BAD at this. But alas, he stays in the west, and I in the east. So I didn't insist cos I also not so thick skinned. I was also too humji to ask for his number at that point in time. Obviously having alcohol in my system didn't increase my courage one bit.

So after I got home, I finally asked my friend to give me his number. But I was told he is asking for another dude's number. FUCK MY LIFE RIGHT? yup. FML indeed. Since I wasn't really that close to my friend, I didn't push it further la. Whatever. But you know what, the entire episode was just eating my insides up.

What the fuck did I do wrong this time. Everything seems to be gg ok, but he went on to ask for another person's number....

I'm ususally not easily affected by shit (like above) happening to me. But.... you know, after 28 years of being single, it does affects your self esteem somehow. Is there something inherently wrong with me, or is there something I'm doing wrongly? I don't think I have such shitty attitude when I'm meeting new people. I'm friendly, as long you do all the talking. I really think I'm not THAT ugly. So....... what gives?

I'm a completely self sufficient person. I'm independant. I like being alone for the most parts. But sometimes, you just need someone other than your friends and family, to be there for u...

alrighty. enough of being depressed. Im gg to be awesome again, soon.

whatever it is, im not a cyber bully

So recently, i've been getting myself into some shit. without naming names..... here it goes.

you know sometimes when i get drunk, or when i'm SUPER frustrated, i normally just blabber out my feelings, most of which can be out of proportion, out of line, out of context and purely do so for the sake of venting and ranting.

When i call someone a bitch, or a bastard, or a douchebag, or in this instance "a man of no substance", i don't literally mean that the person is a female dog, a illegitimate child, something to do with shit or a stupid person. there is a reason i say those things. Whether or not it is justified, is a separate matter because those are my opinions.

My only fault in this case is, i published it on Twitter. and of cos people i thought i could trust in a private conversation, couldn't keep their mouths shut. People, private convos are meant to be just that. private. I wouldn't expect to be whistle-blown upon, for a lack of better term. Such backstabbers.

I also thought that i'm smart enough to not post shit on facebook. And since my "following" on Twitter is rather small comparatively, it would be a "safer" place for me to vent. APPARENTLY NOT.

So yes, basically, someone ratted me out on something which i admit i said, but again in a private setting. Someone bascially screenshot my tweets and sent it to the person i was bitching about. And i think i basically ruined that person's life...... cos. In a nutshell, I think I outed a person who didnt want to be outed, TO HIS FAMILY no less.

like oh-my-god i think the shit just hit the fan and splattered everywhere. I hope i'm not being a cyber bully.... everyone bitches about everyone behind everybody's back, even friends. But it is not meant to be malicious, not meant to be found out, not meant to be vindictive, not meant to put down people. It is just GOSSIP. I hate to think that from now on, i have to self censor whatever that comes out of my mouth, for fear of being ratted on again. I don't do self censorship. If there's something i wanna say, i'd say it like it is. No sugarcoating.

The internet is just not a v safe place to do that, i've learnt, from this traumatic episode. Even more so for the said person. So, sincerest apologies, i hope your family don't give u shit.

and again, i'm not a cyber bully. I will just, not bitch online.

Resolutions: reflections

So here's the lowdown.... back in January I had a lil list of what to achieve this year and it goes something like this:

1. never ever skip abs workout when gymming. NEVER EVER.



2. Monday to Thursdays shall henceforth be known as NO CY DAYS. no matter how stressed i am. try la try.... unless public holidays falls on weekdays. then another story. haha.


3. be spontaneous.


4. this year, find a travelling partner. cos the solo thing is pretty damn hardcore.


5. go out LESS with 8gz. LESS. pls. LESSSSSSSSSSS. and more with other people.


6. always order small portion food when out at lunch. no matter how hungry i am. tea break eat fruits!!!
 
I must say I have accomplished 1, 4, and to a certain extent 3, 5 and 6 but failed terribly for 2. So what have you achieved this past year?

So what's been happenin'?

Hiiiiiiiii everybardy. I'm so BORED at work right now it's not even funny. So what's been happenin? It's been raining pretty hard recently innit? Loves the rain. Loves how it always rains when I step out of the house, and then later on in the day, it decides to rain again when i wanna go hom! AINT THAT FUN?! hahaha. Gods must be KRAZY like an Axel F Frog.

I'm like finally 28. So fun pls. Lovin' the wrinkles. Lovin' the white hair. MOAR i say, MOAR!!! It really is kinda true that men look better as time pass.... if u look at my old pictures from say.... 10 years ago. NOT CUTE AT ALL HUNNY, NOT CUTE! Now i can afford to go to the gym, buy myself nice clothes, alcohol, look pretty, but back then i had NOTHING. I didn't even have a pretty face to rely on. so sad. But girls are a different story ah. Sorry, sucks to be them. The older they are, the chui-er they get.

Zoukout is here again. This year has to be great cos i need to wipe out the memory that was 2010. We probably were in the arena (pun not intended) for like 2 hours before everyone got so drunk and died. We learn from our mistakes eh? And this year, new year, new crowd. GON BE AWESOME.

And as if i'm not already too awesome for my own good, i can actually foresee the future (see post below). Totally bought myself an air ticket to Germany next year on a whim and fancy...... this was my exact thought process "oh my god im so bored with my life. *flips thru qatar airlines webpage* *clickclickclick* OK TICKET BOUGHT"..... CC u surprise me soooooo. in a good way :)

So yeah. The year's coming to an end soon. Did you fulfil you resolutions you set out 11 months ago? I hope u did my lil children.... cos Santa's coming and he'll give u a big fat spank on your behind if you've been naughty. Toodles!

cant believe its been almost 2 months

there's a lot gg on for the past 2 months... so much so that i dunno where to start or how to put them down in words.... i think it's about time i took that solo trip again. to get away from this city. maybe i shud become a monk in Bhutan.

Nostalgia

I'm feeling pretty nostalgic these 2 weeks, because a fren of mine posted a really ancient song on FB recently (if you must know, it's twentyfourseven by Melanie Blatt.) And if u even remotely know who melanie blatt is without googling, then u belong to my era.

so i started this RAMPAGE trying to youtube everything from the 90s..... and this pang of old skool nostalgia just hit me like a march 11 tsunami.

i miss the days when my pri school, hidden in the middle of a private residential estate, was near enough for me to walk home, but far enough to warrant a bus ride in the morning. i miss the basketball court where we had our assembly, with the raintrees and flame-of-the-forests just hanging and chillin up above. i miss the days when i was the fastest runner in track and was more or less, always the anchor runner in relays. i miss the days when we could paint stain glasses and go to the field to draw trees for art classes. i miss the days when i was a prefect. i missed the days when i had my prefect status revoked because i cussed BITCH too often. True story, not a joke. i was primary 5. i miss the faithful day i was called to the principal office for using stones to form the word FUCK just beside the quadrangle while waiting for my sister to finish her PSLE listening comprehension, and fucked up her reputation during the process. i bawled like a bitch, needless to say. I miss the days me and my frens hung out at Junction 8 like its the most happening place on earth. We went to watch SPECIES and thot it was the most R Rated thing we have ever seen (until i discovered porn). I missed the days when i was a fucking thief (ok maybe not that much), when i stole my fren's pencil case in primary 2 cos he pissed the shit outta me, and then at pri 5 when i stole another fren's prefect tie cos i thought i lost mine. YES I WAS A PREFECT but i was fucked up as hell. I dunno why they chose me in the first place..... maybe cos my sister was vice head. Nepotism. and YES i was and am the black sheep of the family... Every family needs one. I miss the days when my frens and I sang "This used to be my playground" by madonna for our talentime. It was SO gay. it was SOOOOO gay i wanted to die. And i remember the day when i offered my malay fren char siew from my maggi mee. it was HILARIOUS. I'm not a racist, i just didn't think it through. Finally i miss the time when I had my very first "Prom" where i wore a long sleeve checkered shirt from the Disney Store with a huge POCAHONTAS embroidered on the pocket. Again, true story. And ultimately, i treasure the fact that my primary school frens and i are still VERY MUCH IN CONTACT till today.

And then i started missing the days in Secondary school when my social status dropped from being high society to outcast because of my, how should i put this nicely..... "happy-ness". No guy really wanted to talk nor associate with me, besides my equally happy fren Wang YiChao. I miss my gbffs (girl best frens forever). I miss the days when i used to cry when i go to, and come back from school from scouts every Saturday... and my mum was there to cheer me up with a can of Coke (i'm easily bribed, but today, with alcohol). I miss the days my frens started to accept me for who i was, and started hanging with me and we even formed the group SHI SHIONG DIs (aka the ten brothers). I miss the days we stayed back late in school to decorate the notice board cos we wanted to win the chinese-new-year best decorated notice board competition. VERY LAME. but vvvv fun. I really miss my sec 2 classmates,period. I miss the days my scoutmates and i decided we don't hate scouts anymore and went to Kampong Arang to eat ice jelly after every Saturday's activities. Those are my buddies for life.

I remember the days i stopped listening to 933fm and switched to 987fm and started obsessing with jean danker's say it with music. I used to write in to her and she would always pick me. I was known as "the aluminum foil guy" because i would use paint and write on a LONG LONG strip of aluminum foil. TRUE STORY. and she would always say "oh boy what do we have here" (crackling noise of the foil in the background)..... yes, please laugh. I remember the days my mum forbade me to watch late nite drama series, and i had to sneak into her room to watch Charmed for 15mins while she was downstairs. I finally could watch the last few seasons of Ally Mcbeal only because it was moved to the 10pm (or 9pm, i cant remember) slot. yes it was very pathetic. I miss the days where songs were sang by normal human beings and not autotuned.....it was all good back then.

And then today, when i came home from work, i found my mum sewing the button on my shorts, because a few days ago i told her it was dropping. and then i realised she re-washed my work pants cos tissue bits were stuck on it after the first wash (which i didn't ask her to do..... i was just complaning). And my daddy was cooking dinner for the 3 of us. Then i realised........ oh man. i dunno what i would do without my parents.... i dunno what i would do when they leave this world........... and then i realised.......... i turning 28 in November. this is all too scary.