Fat Thoughts from a Fat Chick

I wasn't going to comment on this because I didn't figure the woman needed more publicity, but it

The Fabulous Tess Munster

both annoyed and saddened me so I'm going to.

So, I have to tell you a deep dark secret about me - I'm a TLC near-addict. Not a total addict - I don't watch Kate + 8 or Honey Boo Boo, but yes, I watch a LOT of their shows. Don't Judge!

So last night, I was watching the end of Sister Wives - yes, I watch that. I find polygamy interesting. Again...don't judge! :-) And right after that was a program called Fat and Back. I thought it might be interesting until I "met" the star of the program.

Most of us fat chicks have probably heard of Katie Hopkins. This is the British woman who goes around being cruel and horrid to varying people that she finds disgusting - like fat people. People either hate her or love her for "telling it like it is." Personally, I don't believe she "tells it like it is." She basically uses a public forum to spout insults to people. Kind of like Ann Coulter.

So anyway, I planned to switch the channel and call it done. I figured this is the kind of person who will learning nothing from what she planned to do. And what DID she plan to do? One of her favorite homilies is that fatties wouldn't be that way if they'd just quit eating and exercised more. That's ALL they have to do. (Editorial comment: HA!) So her plan was to eat an insane amount of food and put on 50+ pounds in three months and then diet and exercise for three months to get back to being her perfect thin self.

Everyone she talked to told her she was nuts - doctors, friends, family, etc. I think she was nuts too. So I wasn't going to watch this - but as I was channel surfing I did find myself returning to the channel to catch a few minutes here and there. At one point, she was whining to her diary camera that mean fat people MADE her do this. Um...no. I'm sure there were fat people that told her to put up or shut up, but she decided to eat 4000 calories a day in order to gain all this weight so she could "prove her point." This woman started out eating 2000 calories a day and didn't gain weight  because of genetics and metabolism, so she jumped to the 4000 calories a day. Yes, I did say 4000 calories a day.

Most fat people don't do that. There may be a few people that do, but by and large most fat people are trying to eat less and exercise yet they still find themselves fat at the end of the day/week/month/year. There was one point where I thought she might learn something.

She went to talk to a therapist and the therapist called bullshit on her and explained (rather patiently, I thought) that  Katie was emotionally attached to her exercising and didn't she think it was possible that a fat person might be emotionally attached to food? Ding, ding, ding! Therapist is a winner.  Katie didn't like that and reluctantly admitted in the vehicle as they were driving home that yes, she could see that if someone had an emotional attachment to food, it might be harder to lose weight.

I thought - OMG - she finally understands. No such luck. Later in the hour, she was back to calling fat people disgusting and repellant. All through the episode it was like one step forward, two steps back.

Today I googled this to see if I could find out whether she managed to lose her weight. There was an interview with her and it was patently obvious she learned little to nothing. She was still talking about the disgusting lazy fat people. It made me think about how she affects the people around her - friends and family  - as well as total strangers.

First of all, she has a platform and a certain sort of celebrity so that people listen to her. What comes out of her mouth is pretty much bullying. It's the kind of thing I heard as a teen that made me suicidal. Nope - not being melodramatic. I often considered killing myself because of being fat when I was a teen. I felt bullied because of my size. I hid it. I'm sure that if you ask my high school friends if they thought I was depressed enough that I might kill myself - most would say no. My mom worried about me though and with good reason. So I watch this program and worry that her attitudes are being given credence by people she doesn't know. People like the teen I was who would internalize that kind of crap.

And just for my own curiosity I wonder even more about her and people like her, too. If someone like that has a fat child, do they say, "Mummy doesn't want to look at you because you're disgusting. Lose some weight and then I'll love you again." Would they tell a spouse, "I don't want to touch you because you're ugly. Lose weight and then I'll make love to you again." Would someone like this tell a friend, "I can't be your friend anymore because you won't take care of yourself. If you lose weight, then I'll be your friend again. Otherwise, don't bother me."

What does that say about them? Who would treat a loved one that way? And god, who would WANT the love of someone whose love is so incredibly conditional? Doesn't anyone else find this attitude abusive?

There was a time that I might have been desperate enough to have a life partner that I might have fallen for the abuse. Now, thank god, I'm not like that. Anyone says shit like that to me now and yeah, I'll lose weight. I'll lose THEM because they don't f-ing deserve me.

I hope for the sakes of those around her, fat never enters their lives. I hope they are able to lose the baby weight. I hope if they're related to her, they have her genetic makeup and metabolism. I wish the best for them, because she won't learn. Think of all the awesome people she'll never meet. And why? Because she refuses to judge them by the content of their character, instead she judges them by the size of their body. How very sad.

What is plus-size?

I write plus-size heroines. Always have. Always will. That's what "Romance with Dangerous Curves" actually means to me. It means a big girl. A girl with curves.

In modern parlance, plus-size seems to mean anyone who isn't a size 0-2 or 4. By modern standards, Marilyn Monroe is plus size. That just seems whacked out to me. Marilyn was a round, healthy girl. But times have changed, and not always for the better.

The modeling world classifies models who are size 12 and above to be full figure models. I personally think that's crazy but the modeling industry worships a size 0, so I suppose I shouldn't expect anything different there. Sad but true.

My view is that any woman size 16 and over regardless of how the weight was distributed is a plus-size woman.

That's what I have in mind when I write my heroines. Tall or short - it doesn't matter. They are size 16 (US) or above. I haven't written any really large heroines, but I should. Women deserve love regardless of size and we aren't just a number...we're people. With hearts and minds and souls who yearn for happiness and partnership.

Beauty comes in all sizes. Love comes in all sizes. And I just want to write about women who look like me who get their happily ever after with the partner of their dreams. I also like to write about heroes who love those curves. Men who like big butts. Full breasts. Who dig a woman's jiggly bits. Who see dangerous curves and want to explore every inch of them...more than once.

So what the hell is plus-size? And what qualifies as a plus-size romance? I really want to know. Does the story have to focus on the woman's weight to be a plus-size romance? Or is it enough that the heroine is plus-size? Will that make the story a plus-size romance?

Oh, and would you want to see a plus size woman (like one of the ladies above) on the cover of your romance? I've had that fight too. Various folks telling me that if you put a big girl on the cover the book won't sell. What do you think?

Please post in the comments and share your views.

Let's get serious for a moment...weight in America

I was on Facebook recently and someone posted this "funny":

I have to admit I took offense and I'm not really easy to offend. The person in the picture is NOT offensive to me. Let me be really clear about that. I actually think he is brave as hell because he is out and about in spite of the weight. But it seemed to me that whoever initially posted the image and included this captioning - and I don't know where the image started cause Facebook images go viral pretty fast - but the first poster intended to make fun of the individual in the picture.

When I indicated my displeasure I was encouraged to "lighten up." It was just a joke. Just a funny. And if the person in the pic hadn't wanted to be made fun of maybe they shouldn't dress up like Batman. The poster also made some astute comments about being fat in America.  So there was an interesting dialog there. But I did respond.

This was my response (edited a bit to remove reference to personal info posted by the other person):



I don't disagree with you about weight in America. The only reason I lost weight was a VBG (vertical banded gastroplasty) in 1995. Otherwise I'd be dead now. My genetic makeup is such that with two fat parents I got both fat genes. I didn't (and don't) help myself with the way I eat. No doubt about it. But that's no reason to make fun of someone.

And why the hell shouldn't he dress up as batman if he wants to? What? Only skinny people can get dressed in costume without being made fun of? Bullshit.

Being fat is one of the few conditions/life situations that people still consider okay to make fun of people about but it's still bullying. I don't use the N word to talk about black people. I don't make fun of gay people cause they're gay. I don't use the R word to describe individuals with Downs, and I do not make fun of fat people cause they are fat. I've been there. I'm still there. It hurts. Lord and Lady, didn't it hurt YOU when people made fun of you when you were fat?


I know that if I hadn't had the VBG I never would have maintained a weight loss because I'd tried the diet thing before and lost a LOT of weight but didn't keep it off. Maybe there are some people that can do it with diet and exercise alone. More power to them.

But, back to my original point, being fat isn't funny. It's complex medical/genetic issue. People often say that fat people choose to be fat. Believe me, with the bullying I endured as a kid, I did not CHOOSE to be fat. If I could have sliced it off with a knife I would have. If I had money now, I'd go get lipo done to get rid of my excess weight.

I didn't choose to be fat any more than a person chooses to be gay. It's hard wired. To be something else requires consistent effort. You can do it but your body and soul fights you every step of the way. So no, I won't lighten up. Lighten up - interesting turn of phrase there. Bullying is bullying no matter who the victim is. But hey, I still like you and your posts. But this one didn't tickle my funny bone.

* * * * *

Too much bullying happens around body image and I'd like it to stop. Sure we could all diet madly, exercise insanely, and have surgery. Then yes, everyone could be thin.

But why should fat people have to do all of that to prevent bullying and ridicule. Why can't the bullies just shut the f*ck up? And why the hell is extreme obesity funny anyway? It's not.

And we talk about teen suicide a lot now. When I was a teen I considered suicide - because I was fat and bullied. Thank god I didn't. The old saw about sticks and stones can break my bones but names can never hurt me is crap. Calling people names does hurt them.

So what do you think? Was I too "sensitive" and should I "lighten up" or is weight a serious issue as I feel it is.