that 1 message..........

Sent my heart, thumping, fluttering, all.over.again.

Inevitable

I come to realize how painful it is, to pull away myself from the one I love.
I know I do feel alot for this guy, but...
I feel I must leave the little dignity left of myself, to be able to walk away.
Painful, it really is. But even more painful to be with someone who doesn't love you enough to want to contact you, to hear you, to see you, to WANT you.
Maybe this is his way of getting out of this whole r/s.
It's not going to be easy for me.. But I gotta do it.

Wouldn't be able to smile for awhile.....

"Sometimes, we always chase what hurts us, and hurt what chases us. So sad but so true."


I've lost the only sunshine in my heart. Gonna keep it locked up..

Self-reminder

There are times when one can be so warm, and times when one can just be so cold.
Times when effort is put in, and times when one just can't be bothered.
Nothing is constant.
I should adopt this attitude.

I keep myself awake at night, just by thinking of him. Every now and then, he just creeps into my thoughts.. Forcing its way through my mind, squirming its way to my heart. I often tell myself not to think of him, because even if I do, would he even think of me?

He's now in Sipadan, diving with his friend. I hear nothing, I see nothing, I feel nothing.

All that I'm holding onto, is only what I feel for him. As diminished as it is, it's still not extinguished. I really wonder, what will he say when he returns to Phuket..

I may have met him only 9 times in total. But the conversations we held, might be even be more than some couples. Good times, bad times, I do miss him, I do love him.

I just have to love myself as well..

Crap entry. This is a person without sleep speaking. Zzz

My biggest regret.

My last grandparent, aged 91, has passed away peacefully on Sunday evening, 5pm.
The last I saw him was early February, due to the celebrations of Chinese new year.

I knew that he was in and out of the hospital. But each time he pulled through and it wasn't anything serious.
I took it for granted that there'll always be a next time when I'll see him again.

I was wrong, so wrong.


I may not have been close to him, we may not have exchanged much words, we might not have any memories together, but that doesn't mean I should have missed my last time of seeing him.
But it's all too late now.

I wished I had put in more effort to see him. I could fly down to Phuket anytime. But yet I couldn't travel to the other end of Singapore just to see him. Realizing this mistake really sucks and I feel really bad and guilty..

I'm such a lousy person..

Dear God, please give me the strength to pass this moment.

Sometimes you have so much feelings for another person, that you feel you can take whatever shit the person gives you.. But when you really realize that the person doesn't love you as much, you find it pointless taking those shit.

Tonight, I'm really heartbroken once again..
Again, I've loved someone too much for my own good.

Quote from Valentine's Day, the movie.

"Sometimes the truth makes everything else seems like a lie.."

My threshold of pain

I've always wanted to do a blog entry like this. Though i know that many have already done it, but I've finally gotten inked!!!
My plan was to get a tattoo before i turn 25. But well, i was a few days late, nevertheless, it's my present to myself :)

Well the pain is bearable. I did a small one on my left side of my lower back. It's about Latin philosophies; Quod me nutrit me destruit.
It means "You're a lucky man if you can see this."


HAHAHAHA! This is what John, the Russian man said when he saw it. LOL!



Right, it actually means "Whatever nourishes me, destroys me."

It can mean anything. Some people on strict diets will associate this sentence to food. I like to believe it on the whole.
So yes, i did my research on a whole wikipedia page of Latin philosophies. There are a few more that i really liked as well, who knows, maybe next time i'll get inked again. It's kinda addictive.. That pain and feeling it induces..


So, i got tattooed. And guess what, it's not the most painful thing i've done.
To me, the top on the list of pain is..................

1). Eyebrown embroidery.
It's something like tattoo, but it isn't permanent. Yet it hurts just like it but the effect on the eyebrown is much more softer and not as harsh as a tatt. And partly it is near the eye, (and on the face!), it hurts like a bitch. It's really painful! (Plus i have thin skin heehee so it hurts more!)


2). Tattoo & Hard Wax.
I would say it's a tie. Though it's a different kind of pain.. Well wax is hot, but the pain is quick. Whereas tattoo is a long, annoying process. But both are bearable to me, so i rank them equal.


3). Braces.
Braces are not painful. It's OK when the teeth move. But what i really hate most is when they inject my gums with anesthesia. When the needle goes into the gum, pffffffffffffffffff.


4). Facial.
Like i've mentioned, i've thin skin. So it hurts like a bitch whenever i go for facials. Oohh hate it when my face gets squeezed ugh. And it remains red for quite a few hours before it subsides.. Of course after the pain, thank God there's some soothing facial after it so it's still not so bad!


5). Lasik.
Not painful.


6). IPL underarm
Are you kidding me?


I have only 1 piercing and yea, it's the most basic one, on the ear.
I've never fancied piercings for fear they get pulled on, or infections so nahhh. Staying FAR away from piercings eww.

That's pretty much about it. Can't think of anything else.

Till then!