I'm an aunt!!

My only brother is now Father to a very lovely baby girl!! Our precious 小龙女。

Beautiful moment aside, he cast many heavy questions to me, regarding my own future, my marriage, and my children.

To be honest, I may appear like I don't think of it. I do think about it. I did. And I don't like or want it. Yet.

Maybe I'm really selfish. But what can I do? I can't speed up my marriage clock. It takes time right..

Thursday social nights...

That out-of-world feeling, where everything seems to move slower when you spin and turn, where you have no idea how you got there, where it's just you and your partners, synchronizing to nice music and beautiful lights, simply indescribable.

Pianississimo!

It's just you and me. What do other people think matters?

They can say whatever they like :) it's their mouths, I can't stop them.

Sometimes silence is really golden :) quit telling so much and everything's so much easier.

Love Within

Love comes in many forms.
There can be materialistic love, passionate love, lust love, unconditional love etc.

Which does yours fall into? :)

I do like him

Confession: I'm falling for this one, that is not what i expected at all.. In terms of my shallow criteria, he doesn't make the mark. But certainly excels in many other areas.

Would you fall for someone that is way older, bigger, and not so good looking but has a golden heart and treat you like treasure?

This is certainly my first time encountering such a scenario. Hmmmm what would the majority do?

Tv quotes

The one who is devoted completely, is the loser.

How true :)

Beautiful Sunday

When i stepped out into the evening sun today, I thought to myself, "What a beautiful day, and beautiful weather."

It's been a long time since I encountered such a nice, beautiful evening. Even when I was surrounded by scary massive crowds in Orchard road, the air was good and clear. And happy.

And then, dance class was greeted with a pleasant surprise today..

Halfway, we whisked off to watch "Dance Revoluzion" by a group of Cuban dancers at the Esplanade.

I don't know how to describe it, but, I'm just happy that he asked me to join him for the show. :)

Happy 2012!!

Finally!!!! A brand new year!! A brand new start!!! *breathes*
So excited and happy for 2011 to finally past! :D

I had a GREAT new year in Macau/Hong Kong where it was cold!! Like 16 degrees? Or maybe even lower at night! (Feels like).

I splurged like there's no other days, I pampered myself with a new Longchamp limited edition bag, and gorged myself with all that delicious, scrumptious, yummy Chinese food! Argh! Fattening new year :x

Alright, so back to the traditions.
Resolutions time bunnies!!

What are yours?

Mine is to:-

1. Maintain my current size/weight or reduce even more :D

2. Work less, earn more.

3. Spend more time with family.

4. Drive dad's car alone (without his supervision)

5. Err cook

6. Dance more

7. Sleep more

8. TRAVEL MORE!

(in no order of preference)

Happy happy new year people!!

xxxxx

Weight lost

Soooooooo happy that I can finally fit into my Dr. Denim jeans again! Woooot!

Life is good!

Maybe it's the festive season. Maybe I'll be going for a short holiday soon. Maybe I'm really just happy. :)

Before I know it, things have changed. I listen to emo songs but no longer feel sad about the past. They're just lyrics to my ears now. No longer stabbing my heart with each sentence.

In reference to my previous post, well recently my blog was read by a person from Thailand. I thought it might be him since there's no one else that could possibly read it from Thailand. But whatever, i mean my blog is open to anyone to read.

Once in awhile, I do think of him and even my friend who did me wrong. Memories do come back. And I wonder how are they now, and if they're good or not?
I still care for them I guess.
You know, no longer love, no pinning, nothing, but just a general care.


If you read back my past posts, from October till now, I really can't help suspecting I had some form of depressions then. I had trouble sleeping every night. I was feeling angst. I was aloof. I was rude and bad-tempered.
I kept questioning why. I cursed and swore at God.
I cried in sleep. I cried before sleep. I cried when I woke up. I cried in showers. I cried in front of Celeste.
I cried in between students.

And soon, the cryings just got lesser and lesser.
But you know, when you no longer think of your past and feel lousy-sad, and now here I am. Can u believe it??

And I didn't realize it till I was out with my gfs on Christmas eve. It's so AMAZING!

And then I sent him a Christmas message. Wishing him, sincerely from the bottom of my heart, all the good in the world. And I've never felt more released and free than ever.


Life IS indeed good!
Live it while we have it!!
I've made peace with my past. Just in perfect time to a new start of the year.

ISN'T IT AMAZING??? :DDD

I have a new chapter in my life. Stay tune! I wish EVERYONE lots of love this Christmas an new year.

Most importantly, PEACE! No matter what troubled times you've been through, make peace with your troubled past so as not to screw up your present! :)

Love xx

Off and on..

I pray, and I pray.

To God, to Goddess of Mercy, to set me free. Be rid of the heart clenching moments in me. Especially in times when I see updates of him. Pfffff.


And then, I read this from the book, "Life's little detours" by Regina Brett.
Everytime after reading it, it just gives me strength to carry on. It motivates me.

Read the following I edited slightly from the book to see what I mean.


"Choice, not chance, determines my destiny. It's up to ME to decide what I'm worth, how I matter, and how I make meaning in the world.

No one else has my gifts - my set of talents, ideas, interests. I'm an original. A masterpiece.

Even if I made every mistakes I fear would ruin me, my life wouldn't be ruined. It would be changed."

Amazing words. Powerful paragraphs.

Good luck to her, really, bless her instead. I should be happy I'm rid of all the lies, the hurt, and the cheating. :)

Life is good. :)

Bad things happen for a reason. For me, it's not to trust anyone, be it friends or a love one or a friend's husband. I've learnt my lesson. I should have, since it was such a painful and unforgettable one. There's not one day I curse and swear at God for putting me through this. What have I done to deserve this.
What have I fucking done to get so tainted? So twisted.

..

I miss the old me

I really miss the old me. The naive, gullible, simple-minded girl.
Life was so much simpler then.

I know it's a part of growing up. But why do I have to grow with such horrible ways?

2011 has left me scars in many ways.. Many many ways.

It's such an awful year.
I know till the day that I die, I'll be scarred..
Sigh.

New read!

Just the 1st chapter already brought me close to tears. It's talks about life, despite it and its ups and downs, life is still good.

This will be a good read and self-heal process. :)

Bought it from Prologue. It's usual price is $12.95 but surpriseeee! Got it at $10.36!! Awesome cashier said there's a 20% discount for some Christmas deal.

There. Life IS good! :)

Pictorial advice

Shaken

Just when I'm getting all good and settled, there comes a bombshell. Out of the sudden. Out of the blue. When I least expects it....

How do I put it in words? Like, I could feel my heartbeat so much faster, really fast and hard, it hasn't slowed down the past 5 minutes..

Tears welled up a little, but I'm outside so I just shake it all away..

Wow. What a sudden.

Fruitful Tuesday!

Sweetie once said something that I'll remember for life.

Something like: "clothes may change, hairstyles may change, boyfriends can change, but girlfriends can never change."

Something like that, but you get the picture don't you?
Loving girlfriends are for life!!
I love my girls ^^

So nothing really new and drastic (not yet, I still want really long hair).
But it's a new colour, minus the highlights and the dried ends.

Hellooooooo new smooth hair! <3 <3 It was a wonderful Tuesday. Lunched with dad, opened a trading account. Collected my LTCL cert. Practiced and refreshed my driving. Dyed, treat and cut my hair. Perfectttttt happy Tuesday! :))))

5 months ago...

5 months ago was the time when I wore this romper. It was fitting then.

5 months ago, I was happy.
Well, at least the heart was smiling.

Today I wear this romper, sure it gives me lots of happy memories.. It was just a Tuesday, my off and his off day so I went to visit him in Phuket.

Well 5 months ago! As good as half a year ago.

Nevertheless, I feel great today! It's been weeks since I last shaved my legs, plucked my brows. I was a wreck!!
Oh and I did my own nails! :D


I just hid all my flaws, wearing makeup only when I go partying, not wearing any when I just meet my girlfriends or even when I work.

And today I just feel awesome doing all these before going for my haircut! It'll be a new me. I'm thinking of something drastic but we'll see.

*breathes*

To a brand new whole me again.

Cheers :)

11.11.11

Just wanna do a shoutout that I'm alive on such a special day and special time. Opps actually I'm late.

Time is always passing us by.
Make the most of the time in your life to be happy :)

LOTS OF LOVE TO EVERYONE OUT THERE! xx

Me. My piano, and I.

1027pm.
Had been playing the piano since 930pm after work.
Unleashed and poured all my feelings into the song.
Tears fell. Notes banged.
Heart still broken.
The song never sounded more emotional than ever.
Dry my eyes. Pack up.
Time to go home.
The world still goes on.
Everything still goes on.

Packing up my emotional baggage; last night in Phuket; the end of us..

This marks the end of my life, my adventures and stories, the good times, the bad ones, and the unforgettable ones that I had in Phuket.

I knew one day it would end up like this, but I didn't know it would be so painful.
Painful when I'm packing up to leave tomorrow..
Painful, when I took a walk down memory lane, literally down the lane where Giel met me last July 28th, when I came down to date him.. When it all started then...

I could remember how nice he was, how lovely he was to stay up, despite having to work early. And on the boat to work, he would text me saying how sleepy he was.. And yet after work he would rush to meet me, to spend times together.

Many things happened along the way..
All I know is, I came to realize why it hurts so much.
Because I could really love him, as a whole, stand and stick through him, good times and bad times, hoping, just hoping he would do the same. Alas...

In fact, I would be willing to give everything up, everything that I have, to make it work.

Nevertheless......

Leaving is never my option. But, I know I'm left with no other choice..

Packing up is so painful...
I know I'll die tomorrow, when I board the plane back to Singapore..
A big big part of me, left with him. Always.

SATC Season 2; La Douleur Exquise Episode 12

Just as I was watching the series that my BFF loaned me, Carrie's words keep ringing and ringing in my head.

So much so that I have to pause the show, and just blog about what she said, to remind myself..

"On my way home, I was furious. Not with Big, but with myself. I'm the sadist here.

He might be the one with the whip, but I was the one who tied myself up.

Tied myself to a man who was terrified of being tied down."

-Carrie Bradshaw




Wise words.

Tell me child, what do you see?

This morning, i woke up feeling broken.
I felt that it hit me, that he'll never be contacting me anymore ever again.
And the next time if he would, it would be just as friends.

And after a big long cry, i felt stronger once again.
I guess, sometimes we just need to feel sad, let all our pain and emotions flow as tears, out of our system, before we function again.

I wouldn't say we would function normally, but as least, the world seems to pass on normally even though you feel empty within.

There isn't a day where i wouldn't think of him, or even hope that he would contact me. But when it's not happening, and there's nothing more that i can hold on to, sometimes, it's just best to let go, and set myself free..

What's the point of holding onto someone who doesn't want me?
That's when i start collecting images that i feel i can really relate to what i'm going through now.

 and tons more.......
They really do help me in some ways.
Anyway i really hope he's happy and having a good time with his sister and mom visiting..
Random post.

Uncertainty

Im in a state on uncertainty.

Im uncertain where do we stand.

Or even what is left of us.

But to me, it doesn't matter so much anymore.

To me, if i can hear from him now and then, speak to him, see him once in awhile, and yea, so long im happy, that's all that matters.

I may be deluding myself. Or wasting my time. But, all i know is, it will all slowly sort itself out.

For the better, or the worse. I'm done thinking too much about it. Just take it as it goes :)

There are bigger issues in life sometimes..

So, just trying to enjoy life. :)

27 minutes

1 phone call, 27 minutes, and all my wrecked nerves become settled again.

I'm not too sure how it's going to be between us.
But we just had such a nice time talking. Be it about us or about life recently. About my failed plan to attempt to cook. About work and all.


Fingers crossed when i see him this coming Tuesday!


I'm not thinking about forever.
I'm not thinking about the future.
I'm only thinking about now. And right now, my heart is with him.

Tonight, I cant help feeling it.

So emo. Upset. Depressed.

Just kill all my hopes.. Don't leave me hanging on a thread of hope.
It's really so tormenting.. I wish I can don't care, just like how you don't.
I really wish!!

Never ever trust anyone, with your secrets!

Trying the Blogger App!

Hello people!
Here i am, trying out the new blogger app using the phone.
This blogger app will make blogging so much easier. Plus we can upload photos instantly!

Awesome!

Last weekend was crazy partying when Darren came down to Sg with his new gf, Josephine from Sweden, for a visit as well as her birthday celebration.

Lots of crazy fun and I miss them so much already!

There are still times when I feel sad and lonely, and when I really miss Giel so much, but I guess it's really better to do without.. (moreover I feel so unwanted..) Gimme strength!!

Looking forward to weekends!

XOXO

I hate myself for loving you.

Song reflects my feelings. I feel I've thrown my pride, my dignity, my Leo-ness, everything away. I know, in love, there's no such thing as pride getting in the way. But now, I've definitely thrown myself way, way, way too much.

Shannon, please, wake up!! Enough. I throw myself way out there, and I get this. Stop it all! Fucking hate myself for being soooooo stupid.

that 1 message..........

Sent my heart, thumping, fluttering, all.over.again.

Inevitable

I come to realize how painful it is, to pull away myself from the one I love.
I know I do feel alot for this guy, but...
I feel I must leave the little dignity left of myself, to be able to walk away.
Painful, it really is. But even more painful to be with someone who doesn't love you enough to want to contact you, to hear you, to see you, to WANT you.
Maybe this is his way of getting out of this whole r/s.
It's not going to be easy for me.. But I gotta do it.

Wouldn't be able to smile for awhile.....

"Sometimes, we always chase what hurts us, and hurt what chases us. So sad but so true."


I've lost the only sunshine in my heart. Gonna keep it locked up..

Self-reminder

There are times when one can be so warm, and times when one can just be so cold.
Times when effort is put in, and times when one just can't be bothered.
Nothing is constant.
I should adopt this attitude.

I keep myself awake at night, just by thinking of him. Every now and then, he just creeps into my thoughts.. Forcing its way through my mind, squirming its way to my heart. I often tell myself not to think of him, because even if I do, would he even think of me?

He's now in Sipadan, diving with his friend. I hear nothing, I see nothing, I feel nothing.

All that I'm holding onto, is only what I feel for him. As diminished as it is, it's still not extinguished. I really wonder, what will he say when he returns to Phuket..

I may have met him only 9 times in total. But the conversations we held, might be even be more than some couples. Good times, bad times, I do miss him, I do love him.

I just have to love myself as well..

Crap entry. This is a person without sleep speaking. Zzz

My biggest regret.

My last grandparent, aged 91, has passed away peacefully on Sunday evening, 5pm.
The last I saw him was early February, due to the celebrations of Chinese new year.

I knew that he was in and out of the hospital. But each time he pulled through and it wasn't anything serious.
I took it for granted that there'll always be a next time when I'll see him again.

I was wrong, so wrong.


I may not have been close to him, we may not have exchanged much words, we might not have any memories together, but that doesn't mean I should have missed my last time of seeing him.
But it's all too late now.

I wished I had put in more effort to see him. I could fly down to Phuket anytime. But yet I couldn't travel to the other end of Singapore just to see him. Realizing this mistake really sucks and I feel really bad and guilty..

I'm such a lousy person..

Dear God, please give me the strength to pass this moment.

Sometimes you have so much feelings for another person, that you feel you can take whatever shit the person gives you.. But when you really realize that the person doesn't love you as much, you find it pointless taking those shit.

Tonight, I'm really heartbroken once again..
Again, I've loved someone too much for my own good.

Quote from Valentine's Day, the movie.

"Sometimes the truth makes everything else seems like a lie.."

My threshold of pain

I've always wanted to do a blog entry like this. Though i know that many have already done it, but I've finally gotten inked!!!
My plan was to get a tattoo before i turn 25. But well, i was a few days late, nevertheless, it's my present to myself :)

Well the pain is bearable. I did a small one on my left side of my lower back. It's about Latin philosophies; Quod me nutrit me destruit.
It means "You're a lucky man if you can see this."


HAHAHAHA! This is what John, the Russian man said when he saw it. LOL!



Right, it actually means "Whatever nourishes me, destroys me."

It can mean anything. Some people on strict diets will associate this sentence to food. I like to believe it on the whole.
So yes, i did my research on a whole wikipedia page of Latin philosophies. There are a few more that i really liked as well, who knows, maybe next time i'll get inked again. It's kinda addictive.. That pain and feeling it induces..


So, i got tattooed. And guess what, it's not the most painful thing i've done.
To me, the top on the list of pain is..................

1). Eyebrown embroidery.
It's something like tattoo, but it isn't permanent. Yet it hurts just like it but the effect on the eyebrown is much more softer and not as harsh as a tatt. And partly it is near the eye, (and on the face!), it hurts like a bitch. It's really painful! (Plus i have thin skin heehee so it hurts more!)


2). Tattoo & Hard Wax.
I would say it's a tie. Though it's a different kind of pain.. Well wax is hot, but the pain is quick. Whereas tattoo is a long, annoying process. But both are bearable to me, so i rank them equal.


3). Braces.
Braces are not painful. It's OK when the teeth move. But what i really hate most is when they inject my gums with anesthesia. When the needle goes into the gum, pffffffffffffffffff.


4). Facial.
Like i've mentioned, i've thin skin. So it hurts like a bitch whenever i go for facials. Oohh hate it when my face gets squeezed ugh. And it remains red for quite a few hours before it subsides.. Of course after the pain, thank God there's some soothing facial after it so it's still not so bad!


5). Lasik.
Not painful.


6). IPL underarm
Are you kidding me?


I have only 1 piercing and yea, it's the most basic one, on the ear.
I've never fancied piercings for fear they get pulled on, or infections so nahhh. Staying FAR away from piercings eww.

That's pretty much about it. Can't think of anything else.

Till then!

Love is like a drug, taking out the life out of you............

Enjoying my time.

I have 6 over hours before i make my way to the airport again. :)

Happy days after my exam!
Catch up on Hong Kong drama serials.
Catch up with friends.
Catch up with my shopping.

Time to catch up with darling! :)

I feel like shit.
This mixed feelings is killing me and really turning me inside out.
Argh.
Making me so cranky.
12pm noon tomorrow and I'll be freed of Haydn, Brahms and Debussy like forever. FOREVER! No more nonsense exam shit. Pff!
Just want to close up. See, cranky!

ASOS-ed again!

It was a lonely night, when i was supposed to be working hard at my programme note, designing the cover page, when my itchy fingers led me to ASOS, only to find it's still free shipping. (Never sure if it's good or bad news)

I continued looking for cheap dresses but nothing caught my eye. Just when i was about to give up (it's either too expensive, or out of size)

Then i saw this casual white dress.

HELLO FEEL FAT DAYS!

It's a plus because i don't have white dresses so, yep, this went into the shopping cart.


Now, girls are usually not satisfied with just 1 item in your cart, a pathetic looking, $20 odd dress. When one receives a package, we usually like it stuffed with more things right girls?



So itchy hands continued to click, now feeling more generous, i expanded my budget by twice the amount.
And yes, ended up with this navy.



I was about to check out already, by then, i swear, it was the max i would go. When.............. i saw this other dress, and i just knew i had to get it.

Let's just say it is close to 5x the first dress! :D

I'm supposed to do my Program notes' cover page but....................

But, I rather post pictures of happy moments to make myself smile :)
But, I rather day-dream.
But, I do anything else but the proper deed.



Here's overdued photos of Jan's trip:

Sea Pearl Villa is really nice and quiet, and away from noisy Patong. Thank God we have our own transport. ;)

Followed him out to work, all the way to the Similans, great long way out in sea, pity i couldn't dive yet. :((

Went out to the boat's sun deck to sun tan alone. Me & my iphone was LOVE. Real relaxing.

Shiok~

Extended my trip by 1 more day and i met his BFF from Netherlands. Jacqueline is a real sweet lady. Wished i could have stayed longer and hang out more with them all.
Nevertheless, chilling out in the afternoon with Darren & Filip at Magic Bar was great! While Giel picked Jacky, I had non-stop refill of the "Pink Pussies" that Darren concocted himself. Free flow!! And that was early-mid afternoon, BEFORE lunch hahaha. Drunk before lunch hmm..

Managed to meet John in the night and again, at Magic we played!! Fun times ;)




Pictures of a really sudden-next-day KL trip:

Giel had last minute off and he had to go for his visa run to KL. It must be fated it's on a Tuesday (my only offday) so i got tickets too for a day trip and we met at LCCT airport at about the same timing. :)

Impromptu is just so exciting! Plus thank God I'm just so damn near KL.

Busy arrival, searching for his hotel for the next few days. Pity we couldn't find the yummy chicken store that he was craving for.

It was a short meet up, but it was just us two. For once, we had no one else around us. JUST US felt really nice. :)



















Pictures of a last minute-1-week-away April trip:


My parents were very concerned with April trip because it was considered near my music exam. However i convinced them really badly, that i don't wanna mention anymore.
I won, and i had my first Songkran (Thailand's big New Year) ever!

Surprise shelf i found at home :)

Reached his place at 1230 midnight and i was greeted with a thick textbook to read and do review questions for my Open Water course. The first 2 days were pretty much about studying, pool and beach dives, yummy delivery food, sleep and crash.

On Songkran day itself, i had the honour of yummy Thai fried chicken cooked by Mr. Wevers himself. As well as some lovely pancakes :D
Laze laze laze, review questions done and i was rewarded with Songkran.

Songkran is a very wet event. There's normal water, that will cool you down on a very hot day in Thailand. There's ICE cold water, trickled down your back or splashed full blow onto you. Not fun at all for that. There's ICE CUBES at times too. -.-

Oh and a firemen hose. Seriously dangerous and not amusing.
Alot of water is wasted but it's their tradition. We encountered some nice Thai guy who put white powder on our faces with little bit of water. THIS is the real tradition.

We chilled at John's place in Nanai, lovely videos we were watching about terrorist Achmed. Freaking hilarious and John could mimic him word for word. Amazing.

Walking to Magic, some Thai boys splashed little bit water at us, and offered me a beer too. I turned it down politely and got kissed on my face instead haha!

Songkran is real fun, you really gotta experience it. It's real massive!! Had so much fun with the water guns!

Open dive at Phi Phi Island.
I'm officially an OW diver yay!

Very glad to made friends with David. He's real nice, humble and awesome. I was feeling quite low because i was bad at some tests but he was so friendly and he guided me besides Giel.

I was a pervert and couldn't help taking a shot of my Dive Instructor's bum :D

IN CONCLUSION, I MISS GIEL & THAILAND! :(

At the end of the day......

At the end of the day, i'm still alone, all by myself. :(
This is the worst part of a long-distance relationship.
Till sometimes i don't even know how to do about it.

Well, i must declare, i am independent. I can do my own things, make my way home. I don't need a fancy guy to send me to places, to pick me up, nor follow me around when i shop.

But at the end of the day, there's no one to eat with me.
To watch movies with me.
To end my day with me.

:(

At the end of the day, I'm all alone, against the big wide world.

Lacking focus

With less than a month away from my big exam,
I'm without the doubt still feeling panicky (tired), worried (tired), and fearful (tired) of it.
I have been practicing hard everyday, even if it's just one song through, after work, between classes etc.

Hard work does bring some results. I can see, and i can hear myself being better each time. HOWEVER, i just can't seem to focus when I'm playing for my teacher. My mind tend to wander around, thus ending up with mistakes, silly ones.

I think i need to practice more in the mornings. I seem to play better at night after work. Maybe i need to practice with a 'just-up' brain to train myself since my exam is in the morning. GOSH.

I NEED TONICS! Maybe?

to blackmail bf...

HAHAHAHAHA!

feel so empty

empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty empty

Have you ever

Have you ever felt if your feelings are just not what you think they are?
Or have you ever felt that certain events happen for a cause or for a reason, to help you grow and make you a stronger person?

I'm glad for every bad and wrong thing that happened to me. Sure, there were bad moments but it's only life. What makes you stronger is how you move on from it, and continue with life, continuing to make the best out of it.





This is super random.....

WAKE UP CALL!

It's already 5th of May 2011!!
I have like 4 more weeks to June and that's if my exam is even in June.

Damnit! I'm such a lazy-ass and my whole life, i procastinate.
But i do really regret now! I wish i realized it earlier! Guess i shall have to buck up and practice hard for my coming recital exam.

Seems like there'll be more recitals coming up even. I'M SO FREAKING DEAD!
Shall stop all my meet-ups with my friends and just practice and practice everyday after work :(

Anyway i have already enjoyed myself in Phuket in mid-april....
I promised to work hard and i should really start now, however late it is.
I know i can do it and play well, i just have to get to doing it. *shitty feeling*

*****

Can't wait for my recital exam to end soon.
I thought of picking up dance again.
I used to learn ballet, but i stopped.
Used to do chinese dance, but that stopped too after Secondary school ended.

I feel like learning ballroom dancing! My auntie used to teach me when i was young.
Arts, dance and music has always always been my passion. I guess i was born artistic.
I can't study for nuts sake; forgetful.
I can only DO things. Sometimes God is fair. He gives some, and he takes some.


*****

I wanna dive again. I think i've forgotten all that i've learnt... I'm so dead, i need a refresher course haha!
It wasn't enough in that past 5 days in Phuket just April.
Why do i have goldfish memory?! :(

(Hate my mom's genes......)
Have not had enough of diving!! :(

*****

This post is just so random.
Have been shopping online ALOT no thanks to Sweetie Tan!
Sharing F21 purchases and letting me know about free shipping from ASOS.


But, but, i'm a stringent shopper! I only spent $39.45 from ASOS with 2 dresses! Of course i source and dig for the best and cheapest sale deal!

Imagine this! For just $12.55!!



The material used is definitely more than $12.55! But of course i've yet to receive it so just pray hard that the material is good.

The back of the tunic is so openly sexy too :D



$12.55 It's a STEAL!



Shirt dress with drape sleeves for $26.90



I would pay for unique-ness. Enough said!




And i would continue to blab random things but i'm just lazy, plain lazy....

*i promise not to buy anything from the stores......*

Financial Issues

Having sparked a conversation with my financially stringent brother, i really feel we are of different characters and what it takes to be money-wise between the both of us. Sure, he's the financial savvy guy, doing tradings, making profits, playing the stock market, and earning money wisely, with studies and not just some people who wants to make big bucks fast.

Me, I'm the reckless, spend-any-amount i have, on things i like and want. Travel unneccessary, to shop, to buy branded stuffs and non-stop shopping, looking out for ever-ready sales and discounts, yes, that's me you're talking about.

I have some savings, not to be proud of, but i have a happy 5 digits in a bank, and I'm also working on another 5 digits in another bank, though I've been working on that for awhile. Sure it IS peanuts, and i know i SHOULD spend wisely, to take care of myself when i get older, when I'm all alone, and yes, i have NO fucking ideas on settling down. YET. So why should i stop myself from exploring the world, and stop the things i wanna DO just because i have to save for a future that i don't see myself going into? (Yet)

Now this has got nothing to do with Giel or whoever, it is just me, i don't see myself settling, at least not in the near future. Yes when i really do get married, then yes, i'll be fucked.
The thing is, i don't see why i should shortchange myself now. Shouldn't i grab the opportunity now that I'm young, I'm able to do things, learn things, BEFORE i really get married and slogged with kids then i realize how many things in life i have yet to accomplish?

Would you rather see the world now, do all the exciting things, than spend on baby's diapers for their poop and then to be thrown away?
And really, i don't see the fucking big deal of getting married. If i wanna get married, i'll just do a small affair with people who matters. Inviting all the relatives that i don't even recognise when i see them on the streets? WHY BOTHER? As usual, sterotype singaporeans. Tsk tsk.

If i were to get married my way? Maybe just us 2, whoever the groom is, away somewhere. Somewhere nice. Paris is too cliche. Venice seems cool. And definitely not Vegas. (Cool though)
Then honeymoon in Seychelles, Mauritius or even Madagascar. Haa!

I know everyone has got their own views. Some wants their own house, some wants branded and more branded, some wants cars. Everyone has their own spending splurges and issues! My brother himself bought a $700 earphone and it's not the only one! (He has like 4 different kinds of branded headphones). Of course he doesn't shop excessively like me, and he only uses his profits to shop, but isn't that so sad? At least to me!

For me, joy means spending, doting on myself. Of course i don't abuse that ability but i do spend within my needs and not overspend!

One of my close friend's bf always ask me "Wa, you're very rich hor, always shopping and flying.."
But the thing isn't that, it's just that, example, i stopped buying branded stuffs.
I used to splurge on clothes that cost near $100.
Now i always and usually limit myself to $50 or less.
And I'll consider if the material is worth every cent to what i pay for.
I look for good deals and member discounts here and there.

I'm not the greatest saver, and i KNOW i should save more.
Everyone wants to save more, who doesn't???

*rolls eyes*

Money is a substantial thing.
Experiences? Priceless.

We must all learn to let go certain things.

Sorry for the lack of update.

Been really busy at work and overwhelmed by a few bad things that happened to me.

It's so bad, it's actually quite a dent in my life.

I'm better now and not thinking about it, because apparently i was more caught up in dent number 2.

So dent no.1 and no. 2 really burned me inside out.

I've cried buckets.

Till now i'm still at doubt, but life moves on..

I know more than i actually should. But.. Oh well.

I'm glad i've moved on, and let go of that two dents.

Because i feel happier, lighter now.

Sometimes, I just can't help feeling it's so one-sided.

I'm a big big girl,
In a big big world.........

It's a big scary world.

I'm a WUSS.

Sometimes i really wish i'm a guy.

Isn't it amazing? Their inablity to multi-task. Thus, able to concentrate on work, things, friends everything else but us. It works as A perfect excuse too, don't you reckon?

They are less emo. This is amazing too. They lack the emotional sickeness like feeling needy. (Maybe they do privately but for us, God, it's just super wussy when we feel lonely.)
Give them a game, a tv, or anything with a screen and woo hoo, their world is round again!

Ability to just not feel anything. Incredible. Enough said.

Their fast healing ability. Wow, they are like Wolverine from X-men don't you think?? Again i guess it links back to all the above abilities thus they end up healing faster.

Don't get me wrong, i'm not bashing any guys' characters or sort. But i just really admire and i wish i HAVE these amazing abilities.

I don't want to miss someone so much till i feel sad.
I don't want to keep wishing to see someone, not knowing if it's really requited or not.
I don't want to keep feeling affected by things that i see and i feel and i know.
Females tend to think, or overthink, and upset themselves.
Isn't it upsetting that we bring the unhappiness upon ourselves?
Why can't we just NOT think?

Sometimes i wish i don't have our 6th sense. :(

Why Travel?

Travel opens your eyes and your mind to a whole new world.

Travel enables you to see the world through other peoples eyes and from other points of view.

Travel increases your awareness of other cultures and people.

Travel makes you smarter.

Travel is the best education you can receive.

Travel enables you to speak intelligently on a variety of global topics.

Travel shows you how global policy effects different countries and different types of people.

Travel brings you to places you’ve only dreamed about seeing.

Travel shows you landscapes you never thought were possible.

Travel shows you what real beauty is.

Travel shows you that everything is beautiful in its own way.

Travel makes books and television come to life

Travel makes adventures happen everyday.

Travel makes dreams come true.

Travel gives you a sense of enormous accomplishment.

Travel gives you something to look forward to to.

Travel gives you options.

Travel is a lifetime journey that is never the same twice.

Travel makes the big world small.

Travel humbles you.

Travel puts things into perspective.

Travel shows you what poor is.

Travel shows you how unfair this world can be.

Travel shows you people overcoming the longest odds to live their life to the fullest.

Travel shows you triumphs of the human spirit.

Travel teaches you how to say “Cheers” in 30 different languages.

Travel teaches you the International language of beer.

Travel teaches you to appreciate wine and the beauty of vineyards.

Travel teaches you to try new things.

Travel makes you yearn to do new things.

Travel teaches you the difference between a traveler and a tourist.

Travel teaches you to become a traveler and not just a tourist.




By Lee Abbamonte, a guy who has travelled more than 250 countries
You can read more about him here.

Every trip..

Every trip to him, is never enough.

Every trip to him, he never fails to make me laugh.

Every trip to him, i can't finish all the things i wanna do with him.

Every trip to him, tells me, the more i must go to the gym.

Every trip to him, makes me open up more.

Whenever im with him, he makes me feel secure.

Every trip to him, i can never describe the good times.

It's really quite hard, to make these words rhyme.

Every trip to him, leaves me wanting more.

It's so sad, i have to resort to calls.

Every trip to him, i try to get tanned.

This time round, people still ask, if i'm from Japan!

Every trip to him, i find myself loving him more.

I want his time, his attention and whatever all.

Every trip to him, parting is not something glad.

I always have to fight tears, and leave feeling sad. :(

Project Scrapbooking

Here's just some pages of what i did.
It's my 1st scrapbook ever! And i love doing every page of it!
Will definitely do more as time goes! :D