now i'm filled wif anger and sadness.. i dunno.. i was sad few hour ago and anger find me few mins ago... i'm very very tired today.. i slept till 3pm in the afternoon.. my mother is damn unhappy abt it and scold scold scold and nag nag nag.. thats still ok but the worse part is.. i'm still half awake and i hav to listen to her crap!
not tat i hate my mother.. but i'm gonna state the fact.. i noe its wrong to say my mother no gd or wad.. but i dunno! i was half awake.. sleepy still.. haven even get everythg right and she was scolding all the way.. nvm.. den nvm.. wake up bath liao she still continue the same old thg and scold!!!!! den she say wad i play till very late den nv study and den now sch gonna reopen liao i still nv do hw... they juz think tat i PLAY for the wholeday and nv even TOUCH my hw.. but i thg is.. in the last 2 weeks of holiday.. i played.. but i also did my hw!!! i found tat i cant study at home cuz of the noise the the stupid environment.. my mother will be toking to the tv and scolding the tv cuz of the stupid korea drama series... den sometimes ppl call and she will be toking and laughing loudly.. how am i going to do hw like tat?! and its really WARM and my mother will say open the windows and doors and everythg! to let the air come in.. MY FOOT.. outside is SUNNY like siao! ur hand go out also can feel the HEAT.. and she say outside hav cold air.. wah lan eh! same as my father! i told them our hse is cooler and the cool air will go out instead of come in! they dun believe and they say wad i say is LAME! fine! open! i feel hotter.. i cant concentrate.. and i'm sweating.. my hands become sticky and den eventually dirty.. i feel VERY uncomfortable and i cannot take it....
so i decided to go lib do hw.. yah.. at first there is some prob finding place to study.. but den we noe the timing when we can go lib.. so me and my fren go lo.. go there do hw.. very quiet very cool and very nice.. i do very well there.. and u noe wad.. i come home and my parents keep asking where i go.. i TOLD them i go lib and they NV even REMEMBER! WTF?! they take my words as fart ah! den they say "go lib FOR WAD?" WAH LAN! go lib study lah! den go lib play meh! den my mother say ... "i noe u sure go lib there play.. dont think i dunno.. they hav comps there.. " WTF!!! i tried to explain but no use!!! I NEVER PLAY!!! but they say i play!!!! i'm so damn angry and sad.. angry and sad cuz they are my parents and they dun trust me..
i showed my mother how much e maths i've done and she say "okokok" in a very unwillingful way.. and she said "tats last time one.. dun take and bluff me".. if u were me.. wad will u do??!! i was surprised at tat time.. i'm shocked.. i dunno wad to do!!! i really feel like crying.. tat really hurts.. wad am i to them? juz a piece of junk tat they pick up frm the rubbish bin? yah.. i still remember this phrase they say to me when i was juz 5 years old.. when they unhappy and i nv do wad they say.. they will say i not their child.. say they pick me up frm the rubbish bin one.. and not juz one time.. is alot times
i am so damn sad.. yah.. juz now 3pm kena scolded tat i nv study all these and keep playing.. yah.. abit agree and regret i played so much.. its ok for them to say these.. but its definietly NOT OK when they say i had done NO work... so i felt bad... and i promise to myself tat i will finish all chem by today.. or till 4am in the morning...so i started doing chem after i eaten.. i do do do.. alot dunno how to do.. i think i'm a failure.. i noe nth.. nt even "does water conduct electricity?"... i'm juz confused by this small qn... ppl say yes.. but notes say no cuz its covalent compound... so wad?... den i alot dunno lo....do till very sian
i hav all these stupid qn tats unsolve to me.. i dunno y all these subject make it so blur.. so confusing.. i hate these sciences.. cuz they nv teach EVERYTHG.. but juz teach some some basic ones becuz we r still schooling.. but sometimes.. ahya.. confusing lah.. so i think think think.. think y i am so stupid.. and think y no one can understand me.. and i ask ppl the water qn.. in the end ans is still "dunno".. how sad?! i regret.. i regret for nt being clever.. i regret for having my this personality of thinking too much.. y juz a simple qn i hav to think so much and confuse myself??!!! i dunno i dunno! my parents say thgs tat very hurting.. and i dunno how to phrase it here.. really dunno..
my father angry wif me for keep using my comp.. but i really on to listen to songs and do hw.. he dun believe.. he say he will nv support me again.. he ask me go work.. dun need study liao.. say i will suffer in the future.. say i will die.. ppl will look down on me... and they say last time i quarrel wif FONG and tats y i fail.. now wad generation liao.. now where got this type of thg liao.. den they even say they wan go find the mayor to let me pass my exams... LAME!!! crap and lame!!! i HATE tat.. its a SHAME to say tat.. and even say becuz i quarrel wif FONG.. my o lvl sure fail.. WTF?! i haven take o lvl and they say SURE FAIL.. wah lau! my heart is broken! i dunno lah! they always say all these kind of thg.. i noe they didnt meant it.. but.. i still feel hurt..
and one fact i noe.. my father NEVER carry me before when i was young.. he refuse to do so.. i was really shocked when i heard tat.. i dunno.. i'm confused now..and u all shld noe.. my father wan me go engineering.. he say very gd... can earn alot money.. is confirm hav job one.. but den.. u all shld noe.. engineering is for those who really bad in studies one.. like D & T one.. and somemore electrical engineering.. but i noe now got ALOT of these engineers.. and i think i will be no use being tat engineer lo.. i hav no interest in hand work one... wad take wad metal and hit hit hit.. no way! tats stupid for me.. and as i said.. they still tot its the past.. like FONG said.. last time government wan ppl be engineers.. but now everythg is different.. everythg is changing.. i explained to my father and he say "u dun listen is ur prob lah! dun come tok to me lah! next time i wont support u liao! u go eat shit lah! no use! useless!".. wad can i say leh? i noe they wish me gd.. but.. but.. they are juz not realistic....
juz now.. i said i was doing chem.. i wanted to ask ppl qn.. and i see daniel online but busy state.. den i see him in cs.. den i was thinking.. ahya.. go in play play 1 round see.. den i juz pressed the icon to play.. my mother come in.. HOW SUAY! den she say i am not doing hw and playing for the past few hours.. and i explained tat i juz went in.. den she say "where got so qiao.. i come in den u juz play.. dun think i dunno u played for the past few hours.. ".. after this sentence.. she carry on the hurting sentences.. say i cant study.. i go eat shit lah.. go work lah.. no use liao.. wadever.. tats y i fill wif anger now..
ppl say "nan zi han.. liu xie bu liu lei"... but while i am writing this blog.. all those bad memories appear in my mind.. EVERYTHG..sad.. anger.. confusing thgs all come out.. and my tears juz fell.. now i dunno wad to write liao.. i hav no mood for everythg liao.. i really dun wish to hate my parents.....really....
今天谚语 :＂人不教不懂，钟不敲不鸣＂.
pandaboo penned at 6/25/2005 06:20:00 pm
(1) comments
think free.live free
现在已凌晨一点多了,本来想明天才写的,可又怕我明天会忘记我要写什么.所以才来到这”网上日记”, 我门所为的”blog”. 用华文来写一些无聊的话. 已经是最后一个星期了,我还剩很多功课还没做,我今天还出去一整天! 我真的无药可救了..沉迷在电脑游戏中.
本来想在这个星期里做完全部的功课的,可是我还是浪费了.今天还花了整一百七十元. 买了我喜欢的滑鼠.很贵, 可是我还是觉得值得. 你门一定会说我浪费钱, 虽然这些是我赢回来的钱,也不应该这样花. 我知到, 可是我还是抗拒不了.所以文敏,不要讲我.秀雅也会说这是生外物,不须要买那么好的滑鼠. 可是现在我已买了, 也非常满意.
最近非常无聊, 处了吃喝玩乐, 我也只在睡前读我那本谚语词典.无意中读到了: ＂读书全凭自用功， 老师不过领路人＂. 说得很对,我平时真的是没用功, 搞到现在这个地步.成绩不好,也让父母担心,也让他门对我感到失望.
我这次真的决定用功努力读书了, 可我不排除我会玩电脑的可能性. 你门可能会觉得我太迟了,要从什么都不懂, 而想屏到好成绩, 是不可能的. 可我认为,”有心打石石成针” , 我一定能做到的!
最近我有两个朋有吵架, 开始时我还以为他门在开玩笑, 并不知道会变成这样. 俗语说: “冤有头, 债有住”..应该找出到底发生了什么事, 才能解决问题. 可是却没有一方肯开始认错, 这样下去, 我看他门连朋友都做不成了. 真是”冤家宜解不宜结”.
对啊! 我找到了这个谚语了, “好人不长寿,祸害一千年”. 所以我不能没次都当好人了! 可是, 好人要做到低噢!
唉..我妈妈没次都在别人面前说我成绩差,没有读书等的事..弄得我在别人面前抬不起头来. 把坏事都说到完. 没有好的, 只要是她认为的,她就会讲. 唉..真是不是”好事不出门, 坏事传千里”
今天的谚语:＂言多失语, 食多伤身”秀雅,是时间让你修改我的华文了.
pandaboo penned at 6/23/2005 02:48:00 am
(1) comments
think free.live free
arghh!! i hate maids!! ok.. dun tok abt anythg else.. juz tok abt somethg tat juz happened.. when i am coming home.. this is how it happen...
i go into the lift.. and a maid pushing an elderly on a wheelchair faster rush in.. den the elderly look at me and making some noise.. "hmm!! hmm!!! hmm!!!!" in a very pityful way.. and the maid juz shouted at her in hokkien i think somethg like "diam lah!" den the elderly stopped...seems to scare of her.. tat shouldnt be.... den reached 4th floor.. the maid and the elderly went out.. i found somethg weird.. my first tot was to call the police.. i dunno wad to do.. but i had no evidence to anythg.. i observed.. den another maid B frm my neighbour hse came out and tok to the maid A.. they tok loudly.. laugh loudly.. and like playing wif hp.. den nv even care abt the elderly.. at tat time.. i dun hav keys to my hse.. and my mum is nt at home.. so i had to wait.. i wait and i observed...
i really dun feel gd and i sms hafidz.. hy.. and called daniel.. daniel ask me call police.. but i no evidence.. den hafidz and hy reply same thg.. ask me tok to the maid.. and the elderly.. but i dunno how!!! arghh!! so i can only wait for my mother to come back.. den i think think think.. think till i even use the plant to help me decide... i asked "shld i go help?" and i count the leaves the plant hav.. and den "yes no yes no...yes..no...yes".. ended wif yes..but i got no evidence of the maid torturing the elderly or wad.. i cant do anythg...
den i walk towards them.. while the 2 maids is chatting and playing.. the elderly.. my neighour came out.. trying to tok to the elderly A on the wheelchair.. but she also can do nth cuz she also elderly.. so.. awhile later.. the maid leave.. i followed them downstairs.. i saw her pushing the wheelchair very fast to near a playground.. where there is a grp of maids.. toking and chatting away.. leaving their elderly there.. like heck care them.. omg.. i dunno wad to do.. i stand far away to observed.. but den my mother called and ask me go home...
i went home.. asked her wad shld i do.. as expected.. she ask me dun care cuz i had no evidence.. i dunno wad to do and i dun feel gd!! i think i shld do somethg when i saw the maid shout at the elderly in the lift! i regreted!!! arghh!!! wad shld i do now?! i now had a feeling tat i wanted to be a police.. yah.. i always wanted to.. den i also hate myself for being "wu nen wei li"..only can "xiu shou pang guang"..wad else? i hate myself.. i cant speak hokkien.. i cant speak malay.. i'm such a failure.. i can do nth.. ARGHH!!
now i really hate maids...all these thgs.. and now i'm scared.. i'm now 15 years old.. going 16.. my parents.. one is 60 years old and another is 50+++.. can u count? can u see the gap? the age gap? the generation gap?? when they are 70.. really old tat type.. i am juz out of ns? or university? or mayb still working.. i'm still young.. but i hav to support them.. i had no siblings...and relatives.. dun hav much relatives tat is in gd relationship one.. so.. i had to support them and take care of them.. i will NEVER hire a maid to look after them.. i thinking of finding a gd gf to help me to take care of them.. a gd wife... but i realise its nt easy to find one.. very difficult indeed.. so how? i hav to work and most probably till very late.. wad if they need help at home? tot of sending them to homes.. but they wont like it.. and i wont like tat feeling also...so how?! tats the problem i'm always facing.. at this age.. i'm already thinking so far.. so wad shall i do???!!!!!
i feel so weak now.. i'm gd for nth.. i hate myself.. i hate myself.. i hate myself..
pandaboo penned at 6/15/2005 06:28:00 pm
(3) comments
think free.live free
sian le.. seldom at this time i have nth to do.. very seldom.. but now.. i am bored.. its nt tat i hav nth to do.. i hav.. i have to revise.. to do hw.. but y am i not doing? cuz i'm lazy.. i'm tired.. i'm tired but i dowan to slp.. i dunno.. cuz if i slp.. i will wake up very late and blame myself for nt doin anythg again.. i contradict myself.. wah lau!
now 3rd week liao.. and its going to end.. i juz finish 2 paper of maths? y am i so slow?! i dunno.. i think i can only do hw while i'm outside.. i cant concentrate at home.. mayb i woke up too late.. at 3pm today.. den find everythg so sian liao.. den i do do do.. the nov paper of e maths is so difficult! i skip alot qn.. i think more than 10marks.. so i get frustrated.. den giv up.. stopped doin.. den slack till now.. i realise i hav to do.. but i feel tat my eyes are tired.. i'm very unhealthy.. and i need slp.. but i hav to finish my hw.. so.. i am now thinking whether to do hw or go slp.. lame hor? dunno.. these 2 weeks keep going out.. had fun.. eat outside is so shiok.. but watched a very lame movie madagascar.. i got nth to say.. haha
den last week.. 2nd week.. monday went to kc hse to stay overnight... we play we chat till 4am in the morning den decided to slp.. actually i am very awake tat time.. wanted to suggest dun slp liao.. but we hav lesson at 8am.. so.. we decided to slp.. i cant slp.. wait wait wait till 5am den i slept.. somehow woke up at 7.45.. still lying on bed.. ask if they wan to go sch.. heard some reply tat dun go sch liao.. so.. we continue to slp.. till 10am den ppl called.. den tok tok tok.. den cy told mdm haliza tat daniel was at kc hse overnight.. i dunno y he wan to say lah.. den somehow.. like tat lo.. dunno how to say liao.. and seems tat mdm haliza is concerned for daniel only.. haha.. abit shows tat mdm haliza is bias.. got alot cases liao.. can see tat mdm haliza only like those who do well.... well.. tats nt wrong.. of course teacher will like gd students lah.. so.. i got nth to say.. she hate me i hate her.. same...
den we also nv go for geo lesson.. and tat fong.. dun believe tat we also nv go for chem lesson in the morning.. den say they lie... lame lah!! she.. dunno lah.. she got a weird character.. somehow.. we said tat she dun trust frens.. she had no frens.. and we think tat her life is really sad and difficult.. can see lah.. her husband in malaysia.. y dowan come sg? sure got alot stories behind it.. but.. i still hate her and she still hate me... tats all...
ok.. wad else can i say? go out so many times.. nth great really happened.. except tat ppl finish alot hw liao and i'm still slacking.. wad am i?! i told myself to study for this month! i need time.. i hav the time and i'm wasting it!!!! arghhh!!! who am i?!!!! i really hav low determination.. my relationship wif my parents is getting frm bad to worse.. seldom tok to them.. and they really tot i'm still 3yrs old.. anythg also wan say.. dunno how to describe lah.. for some ppl.. i tell u all alot liao.. so u all shld noe somethg.. especially hy.. i say till she gt nth to say.. shld be bah.. haha...
i dunno.. i dunno how to solve this.. there's a big gap between me and my parents.. i tell them.. they dowan listen.. i believe i had done wad i must and wad i can.. wad else can i do? i now juz need to show them the results.. so tat they will really believe me.. arghh!! come to results again.. y results is everythg?! i'm really tired.. i'm tired to force myself to study.. becuz of this studies and the real world.. i'm now lost.. i dunno wads my interest.. i dunno wad i wan.. i dunno wad i job i shld do in the future.. how to set my goals? and go forward?? i asked ppl wad they wanna do.. some say dunno.. but they still can carry on.. cuz they feel tat now no need to worry.. but y i worry so much?! i dunno.. its like auto for me to worry.. worry for my future.. i keep having a mindset tat.. "wad if i got the best results.. alot of As".. i feel tat its quite no use.. i take the course tat i dun like.. do the thgs tat i dun like.. its like studying now.. i totally hav no interest in it and i am doing bad for this..
ok.. stop the CRAP.. its really crap.. arghh!! like writing compo like tat.. write till i dunno wad i am writing.. den like crap.. feel like selecting all and press the delete button. ohya.. my team won the red cross video competition liao.. 3rd prize.. nt bad lah.. $500 share among sch+teachers+members.. i think left less than $50 per person.. ok lah.. this project ACTUALLY nv do much.. but...i also spent quite alot time in it.. juz lesser than guang xiang.. so.. mr beh say giv him a chance to get the prize.. and i said ok.. its fine wif me.. its really fine.. he done quite alot.. but tat time.. he nt very.. dunno how say.. like play play tat type.. i ask him do this and tat.. he dunno do wad shit.. den ask him edit this project file.. he go edit another one.. in the end i was the one doing almost all the work.. but appear to do a little thg.. nvm lah.. nt tat i saying guang xiang nt gd.. i wan him to get the prize.. but i hope the club members dun say tat i done nth and act i done alot thg.. act big or wad.. i heard some rumours.. say i act big.. act dao or wad.. did i? i attend all the IT sessions and mr beh dun even noe.. wad sia.. nvm.. i'm leaving sch soon.. i juz wan my cert.. tats the most imp part.. i hope i can have a gd image for myself before i leave this sch..i dowan ppl to hate me or got negative impression of me..
so.. if u hav any negative opinion of me.. plz tell me.. i will try to change.. but dun "wu li qu nao" ok? haha.. i'm a friendly person.. juz lazy sometimes.. hehe...now.. i think i go write testi for ppl lah.. tml morning wake up in the morning do hw.. i promise i will finish 2 papers tml.. means until nov 2003 paper of e maths.. or else i going to punish myself nt to on comp till saturday... =D gd luck to me.. haha
pandaboo penned at 6/15/2005 12:28:00 am
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think free.live free
This Blog
Life is Full of Ups and Downs,
We Muz overcome challenges in Life.
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This Person
Name : Wei Rong
D.O.B : 17 September 1989
Race : 华人
Horoscope : Virgo
Where?? : Singapore
School : Maha Bodhi School
Bedok North 'low' School
MI bartley (1st 2 mths)
Tampines JC
Fav Snack : Chocolates!!
Fav Food : Chicken Rice
Fav Book : I don't read.
Sports : usually swim, cycle and sometimes play some racket games
Hobby : Play, Sleep and Eat
Loves : Driving
Wants: Peace and alot alot more..
Needs : MONEY!!
IQ : 120 (as of Oct 2004)
Find out more from me =p
wo shi double-u are
ppl who cannot pronounce my name will call me "kang"
i'm actually a quiet person
others eat to live and live to study.. i am the opp
I study to live and live to eat =D
Cravings
Attain First Class Honours for my degree
Get myself a Honda asap
Own an AUDI before age of 30
Own Luxury & Supercars by age of 35
Get into Local University after NS(Came true)
Own a 6-Star Luxury Hotel
A high stable income
Have a house of my dream by age of 30
Get married before age of 30
Have a wonderful family
Learn piano =X
Learn flute =X
Go into R/C Hobby
Lamborghini Estoque
For year 2009,
Ever-increasing wishlist:
Some Great Achievement
New Friends
Build a new PC
Creative I-Trigue 5600
: 5:16 pm