I'll take 'Odd Things to Ask While at the Mall' for 200, Alex

Saturday we decided to take our little lady out on a fun day. We went to movies and saw Bedtime Stories. It was really cute and Em loved it. She now wants a guinea pig. Then we went out to eat at Outback. She loves their mac n' cheese and pumpernickel bread and Michael and I love steak, so it's win-win for us all! After a yummy dinner we popped into the mall for a quick stop before her last surprise of going to Chuck E. Cheese. We needed to get the baby some new jammies that he so desperately needed. He was unable to totally stretch out in his previous jammies. He could either raise his arms over his head or stretch out his legs straight-not both! Apparently, nobody gave Jake the memo on slowing down on the growing just a bit. Seriously, he's not even quite 4 mos old yet and we had to buy him size 6 months jams...he's going to grow taller than me before he hits kindergarden! What a moose. Anyways, while at the mall, Em decides to play 'Stump the Mommy' and proceeds to ask me the most random questions. Here are a few:


"How do they get things on TV? Are there tiny people in there?"

I told her that there are no tiny people involved and we both agreed that people that tiny would be creepy. I tried to explain as simply as I could about how you use cameras to take pictures and videos and people who's job it is to make shows use a computer to put the pictures on our TV. Oversimplified-you bet, but it satisfied her.


"How do they make signs?"

I notice that she is looking at a small handmade sign on a kiosk. Whew! An easy one! I tell her that a person used their markers to write on a piece of paper and then they popped it into a piece of plastic to hang up. Easy peasy. I could answer these questions all day. Emma must think I'm so smart. It must seem like I know everything....


My thoughts of how awesome I am are then interrupted with, "How do they make lightbulbs?"

Crap. Crappity crap. My moment of glory is over. I'm racking my brain trying to think of what to say and I don't know. I think there is some sort of filament in there, right? And how on earth am I supposed to explain electricity?? I have to come up with something because I don't want to tell her something lame like, 'I don't know'. Crap. Than it hits me-

I tell her, "They just put light in a glass ball, honey"

Emma looks at me and replies, "Wow!"

Sweet! She excepted my answer. My reign of all knowingness is not over!! Woo-hoo!! You gotta love a four year old.

Anatomically Correct

So the other night Emma, Jake, and I are hanging out with each other and settling down for the evening, when Em decides she'd like to get some drawing in before bedtime. I think this a great idea because, to be honest, she was driving me crazy 'snuggling' with me. Apparently in her dictionary the word 'snuggling' is defined as 'trying one's best to sit on another's head while jamming boney elbows into that someone's sides. Bad breath is an added bonus.' Anyways I give her a kiss and send her off to the kitchen table to draw. Christmas is still fresh on her brain so she draws all four of us as a reindeer family while she sings a 'We wish you a Merry Christmas/Rudolph/Jingle Bells' super mix. When the final product is unveiled I smile because it is so darn cute. She proceeds to tell me all about her creation. She drew herself with a nice bright and shiny nose (obviously she thinks of herself as the head of the Zam household), next is a teeny tiny reindeer for Jakey, then there is the Mama deer, and finally there is rather large one-legged reindeer that she drew for Daddy. This peaks my interest a bit and I feel compelled to ask.

"Why does Daddy only have leg, honey?"

Emma replies, oh so nonchalantly, "Oh that's not his leg Mommy. He doesn't have legs. That's his privacy."

"His what?!" I immediately regret asking.

"His privacy," she repeats. She than stands up in her chair and proceeds to pat her little lady business to clarify for me.

At this point I am dying with laughter! I mean dying!! My sweet little angel girl drew her daddy as a reindeer amputee with a giant penis! Classic. I regain my composure as she is trying to explain to me that's what boys look like and she doesn't understand why I think it's funny. I let her know that she is right- boys do look like that, but we really don't ever need to draw people's private business in our artwork. Em's okay with that rule, but a look of deep thought then comes over her face. I'm a bit concerned with what is going to come out her mouth next,,,

She says, "I know! I'l make it into a leg!"

"Good idea, sweetie. Legs will be great."

Whew! Crisis averted. Gosh, I love her. I really do. Later that night I tell Michael about the giant penis reindeer. He is both horrified that his baby girl did that and proud that she drew him so big. What a conflicted weirdo. I guess I love him too, though. :)

Welcome Aboard!

I have been finding myself lurking on many blogs lately (alot of lurking actually) and it has just dawned on me that perhaps I too need a blog. My own little tiny piece of the web to call my own. This will be win-win for all parties involved- I love to talk about me and everyone loves to hear about me. Right? RIGHT?!?

Check back to read recaps of what's going on in our world. And as an added bonus, cute pictures along with clever captions may be included from time to time. Much hilarity will ensue. Welcome to The Life of Zam! (it's like the The Life of Riley, but way cooler because we have a Z.)