The stench of hatred will contaminate your heart and you will carry it with you wherever you go. can you imagine what is it like to have the stench of hatred in your heart for your lifetime???" Throw away any hatred for anyone from your heart so that you will not carry sins for a lifetime. Love others even if you don't like them...

i dont feel like blogging anymore so yea dont watch this space..

p/s KC was founded yesterday...

ili is on a mini high.. yay!

ooh today is not bad.. not bad at all.. :)

started out with leaving the house at 640 am?? haha i thought i was gonna be late for skl... almost was.. cos had to take the train.. wanted to be early and surprise someone at the bus stop.. i surprised sya still. haha. i was at sembawang mrt at like 7am ahh.. i was like shit.. i have 40mins to get to skl.. thank god i reached BV at 730am.. rushed after the bus.. n reached skl right smack on time

academic stuff was as usual boring and normal.. so lets skip tt.. although we did play lotsa games which were pretty funky..

then after skl i was almost dying from tiredness.. so i slept for awhile in the canteen with halima blasting music.. we seemed to be the center of happenigns.. cos stef walked by with renji with coffee.. which i was eyeing.. then stef left her stuff with us.. then crystal came n ate sth then azi came looking for yax.. and azi left her stuff with us while she ran off dunno where.. so i had to tell yax tt azi was looking for her but yax ran off again.. when azi came.. tt happened a few times.. until oneof them finally stayed put.. well part of the reason tt centered at us was cos the canteen was practically empty.. no J1s.. mwahha.. but i think most of them did pretty well and can stay.. bravo pple.. i wanna do it every friday man.. just sleep n listen to music or read some notes before training..

oh then when trainng started we went to the bike shop to fill up the machine with air.. but we ended up drinking coconut instead! it was SOOPER FUN.. i loved it.. cos we saw a woman in a BMW convertible with the hood open drinking it.. so i made a U-turn cos i wanted one too.. haha so joan halima n i bought and started showing off in skl.. haha.. damn nice.. i wanna do it again really soon..

then when training started, alex came to help us out.. he really is a gd coach.. my batting improve sia.. very encouraging too.. who would have thought.. haha.. we even practised bunting.. fantabulous job people.. but my throwing still sigh.. can cry kind.. just like the pitching... *shakes head* & fielding for tt matter.. shit lah.. i cant play softball for nuts... *cries* shit this entry is depressing me.. nononononon..

oh so after training ms poon came to ask me to come down for track training tomorrow.. im willing only cos i feel like playing hurdles.. man i MISS it like what.. oooooooh.. maybe i can iylia to come too!! :) tt wud be nice.. n triple jump mebbe.. quite fun.. hahah i bet ill only go for one two trainings and concede that im lousy hahaha.. i should have picked a game im actually good at..(actually ttt wud be none.. kena become guinea pig again for all my mistakes for frisbee during pe.. well there is a reason why dogs play it & i dont... :p) tt wud not have allowed my stamina to go down the drain.. !! i cant even run one round w/o my legs dying and me panting.. :s.. nooooooooooooo....

i want more coconut!!

oh and i want to get a good kid tomorrow.. :) wish me luck.. i hope we can even be like close pals.. if tt happens, i think ill be really happy... oh yea theres cheerleading tomorrow too.. hope they get it cos i sure wanna go down and watch them during the finals... with kak.. :)

happy day..
Who is that?
huh? I thought he was chinese.
Interesting.

ooh.. some pple just make me want to scream.. and spear n skewer n stab n shoot them..

-breathe-

slut..

anyway, refuse to get bogged down..cos not my business what right. oh right chem test.. hahahahahhaha.. well its gonna be hard to passs.. whatever i might think abt test, i just cannot be sure cos chem has a way of always turning up the worst that u can expect so ya.. predicting an F.. anything better is prob gonna surprise me.. heh

shall spend some time tonight filling up our little peenk book.. :) i hope i have time

and anyway.. gd luck J1s.. :)

ive always wondered...
what is my story?

everything seems to be part of a play...
Should i care abt the stress?

i bruised my knee while pitching.. wth right..left knee summore n before tt i fell into a ditch.. *rolls eyes.. i must be really tired...
ahhhhhhhh just look at the amt of work i have to do!!!!

Tut 5 maths S
Maths tut
Bio tut

tests:
chem prac
chem lect
bio prac
maths

i dont want to die!!! :( not to mention read up on the million notes i havent read.. :s.. dieeeeeee sigh buat penat seh..

anyway.. ain.. wud u quite being so blatant abt best actor.. ure horrible!!! aiya so sad.. im always only in skl so i get very little variety in eyecandies... bleah. so bored of the ones in skl.. not to mention im sick of skl.. im long overdue for my customary once a term MC.. eek skl is freaking me out.. what if i dont make it!? and i seem to think tt the end of JC seems to be like the end of a confirmed life.. the future looks so bleak from now on.. i just had this preconceived thought tt everything wud stop once JC ended.. i dunno as in my life ended.. i just cant imagine what my life will be like.. i wished it wont turn out like the other million pple on this Earth.. dying of boredom and living a routine mundane life which has no meaning. dunnolah..

in addition.. im really scared for pitching.. cos i know im gonna have to step up to the plate and prove myself.. but tts gonna be real hard cos ive never been in the limelight before and i think i will crack.. sigh.. its so hard.. i wish i can make it.. i really do .. i dont want to let the team down.. :(

in short.. im stressed and looking forward to our ode to PsMS..

im stressed! can u imagine tt.. self-declared .. never thot there wud come a day i declared out loud im depressed and sad and pathetic! come on man.. someone pull me out of this ditch.. or im just gonna sink in further.. SOMEONE!!!! emerge already wud u... mumble grumble.. i hate u.. im not making sense.. u suck.. i suck.. *cries*

just read ain's blog and she sounded so happy.. ill attempt a happy entry too

just came back from the axxon-mobil drive thingy.. thanks ain for the answer! :) but then since the end pt was so near our house, we dropped by and used the internet to cheat ahha.. still cudnt find one of them tho.. darn. i want to win!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha.. altho their prizes are quite laopok.. i just want the 4 wheel drive ah.. except tts not even for me personally..

lets see yest was dramafeste.. too bad didnt watch the Arts fac one.. it looked soooo entertaining.. oh wells.. xingni was supposed to be there.... but she WASNT~! oiz.. so while we were stuck outside we decided to watch the cheerleading.. hope it goes well so i can watch them during finals! my stick thin of a fren is sooooooooooooooooooooooo amusing hahaha.. ahh.. really cracks me up when i watched.. :D heheheh.. n yea im really happy abt mini convo! haha.. esp since i was rushing like crazy.... ooh and i think its quite fun to have ili liyana n ilya ard.. :) i can call both her and him ili! except of cos he will reply ya! haha.. alrite.. tt shud be happy enough..

crash

boredom man.. i really want to watch tom's drama.. :) and dramafeste too.. sigh.. so listless.. so lousy.. someone talk to me! im dying for some interesting convo.. im rotting as we speak.. my fren looked awesome today as usual.. best actor runs funny.. :x.. hehe.. i do wonder if it was small fry and him who i met in pri. skl.. b.o.r.e.d.

everythings going wrong..
step on my foot and ill scream in yr ear..
making no sense
just being one sorry little angry girl..

go away.. *sulks*

switch on yr speakers!

This world
This world is cold
But you don't
You don't have to go
You're feeling sad, you're feeling lonely, and no one seems to care
You're mother's gone and your father hits you
This pain you cannot bear

But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through

Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know

Your days
You say they're way too long
And your nights
You can't sleep at all
Hold on
And you're not sure what you're waiting for, but you don't want to no more
And you're not sure what you're looking for, but you don't want to no more


-- Hold On (Good Charlotte)

how dare u call me kakak bawah tempurung.. !! grrrr.. hahaha little boy.. :D im sad when my fren gets sad! dont be sad... :(

cracks

i start to realise how short one day is.. but i still dont know what im living for.. mebbe i need someone's bday gift to find out.. heh.. had a hilarious time at long john's with the class.. josh is so.. amusing.. hehe and it was quite a coincidence to bump into some hc peeps.. :) sharon.. u promised me photos! haha.. but ya.. really nice to see u guys.. dunno when will be the next time we'll see each other again..

ive shattered too many times
shed a tear for no good reason
pity and worthlessness takes control
cos you know ure never good enough
sometimes it takes too much energy
to stop myself from taking tt step
but hell..
either way..
its still torture...

handball champs!

hahaha.. what a high! :D man 2SO3D rocks! ok thanks to andrew fang n renji as well but yea QT & zhihan are terrific goalies!! and thankew jon chen, zhihan, julian, QT and all the other guys for tips etc.. cos i managed to score a goal!! woweeee.. liek agst the j1 softballer summore.. right after QT.. whoaa.. hahahah yea! i even scored for floorball.. damn tyco! but funky!

and then went to eat at anatolia and went over to BORDERS which rocks.. :)

oh i have to mention tt i love best actor.. man he rocks.. i dunno why but he just does... :D im on a fido high too esp after my lucky day fantastic pple.. and ive come to accept batu.. there shud be more love in this world!!!! so ill say it.. best actor is my happy friend cos he just makes me smile and talking to him is terrific.. and fido is so awesome cos he brings laughter and amusement to me! and YAS, DEAN, AZLIF, RAJ, HAIZA.. PsMS foreva... :D
theres more than just romantic love on this valentines day..

make this short.. eyelids are falling all over the place

if today is supposed to be my lucky day according to my horoscope.. what horribleness do i experience on normal days man! well there were some ups.. but lots of downs.. :s nvmlah ah..

oh yea attempted channel surfind just now.. was watching 3 shows at the same time.. thing is commercials always happen abt the same time!!! there was american idol, sexual chemistry and titus/2 guys & a girl.

*yawn* oh i wanted to blog cos im so freaking scared of the next 2 mths of life!! my life is so packed with softball, mld and studies, i think i can die.. :s from the stress.. from the tiredness.. i think last week's tiredness is still getting to me this week esp to my pitching.. :( so i shud catch up with sleep... cant wait for friday!! :D OPERATION KK!!!!!!!! i hope.. was in such a pissed off mood i really was ready to bash her up.. or squeeze sth till it exploded.. crys n halima can vouch for tt.. hehee.. oh and i 'caned' dawn for pissing me off too.. sorry dear..

stay strong... :s

burn
im starting to get used to the name ILham.. i wudnt mind calling my son tt either.. and call him ham.. how cute.. haha..

nothing can make me strong again.. cos nothing is going right. the best is to just lose all hope right? so any wonderful experience is great..

shush

They have an imaginative and idealistic approach to life. They are caring and compassionate, with great insight into both themselves and others. They have a gift for understanding people's feelings and motivations. Privacy is important and they need to have their own space inorder to 'recharge their batteries'. Although they are warm,friendly and easily approachable, they need time to get to know other people before being able to share their often complex thoughts, feelings and insights. IIFSs are happiest when doing activities that are consistent with their strong values and beliefs.

--- ILham

shred me to pieces

if i could i would

i am nothing

collapse

gonna make this short.. day before GPA.. pple came over to practise.. too bad i dont live in the east.. sorry! like out of 9 pple here.. only 1 person lives in the north and its me.. how odd is tt... it was damn freaky when the kitten masuk.. oklah it only got freaky when u associate things with it.. like when ain suggested calling it fido since it was a boi anyway.. quote ' we saw fido naked' :s.. tt is just super off.. and then when it like came in by itself.. or just stopped crying when we carried him.. terribly cute cat.!! aww.. and how it came in by itself and it went out again.. and pple were like.. oh if u love sth u have to let it free and if it comes back then u know its true love.. or sth liddat.. and he really did come back.. i was really happy for a moment.. hehehe but it was terribly noisy.. normal lah.. and it was horribly weird when mum banished fido out of the house.. it felt quite hurtful.. like.. ya imagine if its fido dido tt my mom chased out! freaky aint it? oh well.. its not anyway.. haha.. better go to bed before i fall asleep on the keyboard tom.. wish us luck!

There is this little song I wrote
I hope you learn it note for note
Like good little children
Don't worry, be happy
Listen to what I say
In your life expect some trouble
But when you worry
You make it double
Don't worry, be happy......
Don't worry don't do it, be happy
Put a smile on your face
Don't bring everybody down like this
Don't worry, it will soon past
Whatever it is
Don't worry, be happy

let it all out

*scream* all the pent up stress.. emotions.. frust.. pressure.. i need it out.. i need all my hw done.. i need to catch up with studies.. my head is too messed up to do ANYTHING.. and im damn pissed off.. it sucks how i know i really am going to despise working.. i know my future is so bleak.. why do u have to put in 32985435345 much effort but u gain the happiness of 1 microsecond? im never happy anymore.. no adrenaline rush.. no bright spark.. all i want to do is collapse.. it feels as tho my mind is at a standstill but everything else ard me is pushing me futher n further to what they think i shud know.. the responsibilities of it all.. all i want to do is yell stop.. and wished one yr was longer.. im not ready for life.. i need a year off.. its called burnout.. its only feb and im experiencing burnout? what bull is tt!? and what used to be a bright spark last yr is fading so badly.. but it still hurts when life treats u so unfairly. when all u feel is hate anger and jealousy.. it HURTS when you dont get the opportunity.. n pple's judgment make a difference.. you hurt me.. the situation hurts me.. no mattter how bad my results are im gonna make it through life.. im gonna get tt life tt i want! i dont want to live one tt is so worthless.. brainless.. go to hell chem..

what happened to my promise to be happy? how can i!? when the head is throbbing.. the soul lives for nothing but small traces of hope of the right path... the body collapsing in pain and frustration.. the mind simply empties itself..

list

ive managed to get 2 of my previous wishes on my wishlist --> and oversized sweater & skecher shoes.. :) time for new wishlist

1) new glove
2) new shoes
3) new hairstyle
4) a really good movie

can i add norman hakim in the list too? :D watched idola just now.. he is always acting goofy.. but movies tt are slightly goofy + sweet are nice! normala samsuddin is also very pretty.. seem to be talking alot abt whats on tv etc these days..

feeling satisfied yet empty. content but lost.

such a humid day

lots of sad stories today.. :s but i nearly cried for the one abt sending the mom to an old folk's home.. i had to turn my head away to stop myself from crying.. dunno why also i wanted to cry.. ay.. and in pasrah.. norman hakim looked damn macho.. but soooo stupid.. pretty sad ending.. sigh

and i watched korban on SPS.. i dunno how i would have reacted if i watched it in front of me.. gd thing they moved the head away so i wont see how the head looks like when it gets killed.. :s its like we just learntt abt the aorta, blood pumping etc.. and when they cut through the neck, you could see the blood SPEWING out from the artery.. !!! eeeeeeee... i cudnt bear to watch the 2nd one.. shit.. since when did i become such an oversensitive paranoid scaredy cat!!

oh was at datok's house when my cousins came over.. my youngest cousin shauki was there.. when he smiles.. u can just melt!!! with his dimplee.. my aunt was like.. come shauki kiss... then he moved away from her.. when he came in my direction i said.. come kiss.. and he really did!!! awww.. hahhahaha and my aunt pretended to be jealous and stole his shoes.. oh and he is in the copy whatever pple say phase so he keeps saying shit and wahlao alot.. hehe.. aiyooo

its sunday afternoon already.. im stuffed..