ada apa dengan cinta

it shall go down as one of my fav movies!!!! :) oh it roxx.. its more realistic than any lovey dovey shows eva... hehee.. i love all the puisi n her singing.. n the arguing n the soundtrack.. ahh.. lovely..

like a million pple came over.. quite cool.. but too sian to entertain..

odd thot i had lots to write abt.. apparently not

oooooooooh everything is aching..

but i wanted to write a complaining entry....

urhhhhhh.. such a bitch! how can such a fake like tt have frens huh.. cant anyone look past her freaking fakeness?? or are the rest of them fake too.. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bahbahbahbahbah.. ok fine its not my problem but i didnt like her from the beginning.. and i still dont.. and therefore pple like tt deserve to suffer! bleah.. hehe as if right.. well duh im sure u wudnt want a person u hate to have all the luxuries in the world right? but the world is unfair.. whine whine whine....

go n die u cantankerous abhorrent abominable incorrigible bitch.. (thnx huileng for all the vocab:)

breathe in... breathe outt... lalala.. should learn not to care abt such asses..

i felt like i was trying to run after the moon

had training in the morning.. not bad lah.. didnt do too much more errors than usual.. coach was suanning lah for not coming so long.. oh well.. i think everyone there improved.. tho it was a pretty pathetic turnup.. haiz. oh n tried pitching again.. so fun! :) as usual hurdles and pitching shud only be done in leisure.. the stress of it all.. and pushing yrself to the limit makes it horrible.. stamina is really off.. was hyperventilating in the middle of coach's reflex training.. and it was how slow.. bah..

ay rereading abt softball stuff can be quite boring so ill stop there..

then family came with my baju kurung.. peenk.. omg so maluated.. was bathing in skl.. and came out trying the most inconspicuous way.. but oh well.. everyone saw.. so hehe.. wah went visiting to like 7 houses.. but dont mind going somemore.. at least we are staying home tomorrow.!! :D i technically only have abt 3.5 days left to study for SATS.. die... better start tryng the sample papers soon.. :S i thot today was a very fruitful day.. got to know much more pple! :)

and i have a 2nd cousin who looks like aaron aziz.. ;) haha he has always been cute since a lil boy.. then got to know the family with the 4 daughters.. and realised 3 of them are older than me.. and quite nice. hehe.. just not comfortable talking with yet.. and with another family whose mom was apparently a DJ and emcee for old shows.. she is how hilariious! so cute.. give us so much food.. kaoz. im bloated.. and the last house tt i went to.. was really fun.. :) there was the malay music awards on which was pretty nice cos of ALL the lovely songs.. and pple.. and had a pretty good chat with the pple there which i dont usually talk to.. yay getting older and being able to talk to more pple is good..

cant wait to start on the family tree which only consists of my dad's mom's side.. its how beeeeg.. got all my great grandparents siblings also tt i havent met before.. aiyoo.. pple with much knowledge of webpages do help me.. im gonna make it on the webby so can ask all my relatives to edit and and add foto.. :) itll be a family version of frenster.. isnt tt cool? someone pls come up with it and pay me for the idea..!!! ;)

oh and at our 6th house started watching the Sg myanmar match.. kaoz Sg SUCKSSSSS.. i wonder if our jc teams are better.. i bet mjc will be better.. it was like 100% Sg attack for the last 20mins and all KELONG one.. damn kaki bangku.. damn kek mann watch.. how lousy.. if u are a better.. u definitely know who will win one.. i bet sg losees all their matches at the rate they play.. konon2 leh masuk semifinal ... my foot!

gunbound is killing my comp btw.. and i cant even start the bloody thing.. screw u!

on another note.. felt moody and strange in the car ride home.. was staring at the moon.. thinking.. but having such a cluttered mind cudnt direct it onto anything.. as my dad was trying to get revenge on some taxi driver on the highway.. with the car sort of flying ard.. it felt like i was chasing the moon.. like in my life im trying to reach for sth tt i cannot achieve.. sth outta reach..

n sth else tt afternoon too felt so fated.. or pure coincidence hhee.. im sure no one understands me.. dont intend for anyone to understand it either.. crap.. i lost my train of thot.. i cant wait for the chalet.. to just be ard gd frens and pour yr heart out.. under the stars.. :) no sleeping allowed.. even tho got training next day.. :S

lastday

approved... hahhaha

wateva..... hahaaha..

oh man today is how oddddd.. smuggled out so many things lor.. i feel quite horrible.. for like not doing much.. n only gave them hari raya cookies.. darn.. haiz.

then went off to play pool.. im how horrible!! bleah.. nvm practise for future :) haha.. can i adopt derek as my mentor in addition to dee?? :) we shud all go out tog again like this.. how fun! just occurred to me.. all the Ds are pretty zai at pool.. oklah but victor the best..

the train ride home was pretty amusing.. some woman was talking so loudly to her kids.. so sternly summore.. abt jc lah.. abt rjlah.. abt how many nygh girls there lah quote 'sherry is there.. and the girl who lost alot of weight tt one? the one u were jogging with tt day?'sheesh.. talk abt prom lah and dunno what also lah.. quote 'i let u go out today? and u....' blablablbalblabalbaba.. bleah.. but it sounded as if the kid had a bf.. but the mum like so stern liddat.. so scary.. what a horrible mummy.. omg.. im 1/9th way thru dlding gunbound.. yea im tt bored...

got training tom.. shud start getting back on form..

ili learnt lots of things today

wowwee job shadowing really picked up! ok fine all i did was roll a million gazillion wrapping paper.. and then went out in a coke car.. :) haha.. oh right must rem to bring camera tomorrow and take pix like tourist liddat hahaha.. but i really did learn alot.. christina is the most interesting insightful person ever! i love pple who doesnt stick by the rules! she really gave perspective in many things.. in career.. in skl.. in sales.. wow.. and lunch with the 3 adults really sort of made me think abt how bad the Sg edu system is.. how rigorous it is and how i am barely surviving.. i am seriously doubting my consciousness next year! right back to her input.. she was talking abt like sincerity of pushing up sales for their customers and not pure persuasion to buy their goods.. and the stuff abt the fast moving consumer products etc.. made so much sense! n how she wsa fooling ard in skl.. but she is street smart so she is like surviving now.. makes u wonder abt ure future doesnt it?

yups everyone today was doing sth..

oh right i learnt even more things when i got home and started watching national geographic and animal planet.. on how animals get HIGH! it was soo eerie watching the leema bite the millipede a bit so it will give out chemicals tt are toxic to rub agst the leema's fur so tt it will prevent mites n insects from breeding.. but at the same time the leema got so HIGH! and then the tiger also was licking some leaf and starting lying on its back looking up looking so dazed.. apparently the leaf had some kind of hallucinogenic subs! wahpiang.. and then there was another thing abt saving the penguins cos of the oil spill.. it was so heart warming!! i felt like i wanted to be part of it!! i shud just migrate and just go help out clear some part of the earth.. ahh..

i know i learnt more things today buti kinda forgot.. oh right before i had work to do.. i was dying from all the anguish ain caused me.. nearly screamed the office down!!!!! but they are seriously lucky! sighhhhhhhhh.. its okkk.. its okkkkkkkkk.. tomorrow will be a fun day i hope.. we must all go out together! :D shud i bring a big bag tomororw for premiums?? heheheh

Personality: People find it easy to talk to you because you're a friendly person. You should watch out for your drastic mood swings because you may be accused of having a split personality. That makes you a very emotional personal who can't hide her feelings in front of public.

Love Tendency: First love=Marriage. That's your outlook on romantic relationships. Don't be frightened, you will have boyfriends but somehow that one person will always pop into your head again. You tend to be quiet and shy around a man you have feelings for. That's why you would never reveal that fact until he approaches you.

Life: Your joy around your friends and family is visible because it is at those events when you glow and brighten up. Make sure that you learn how to monitor your cash flow because that might get you into trouble. It's easy for you to have money in your hands but it goes right out of them if don't control it

another hari raya come n gone

i think each yr's hari raya gets better and better.. tho more tiring.. i think we are all getting old.. :S hehe. we cudnt muster the energy to go to all the houses we normally go to.. i ate alot today.. must have gained back everything i lost... eeks. time to go into major exercising mode.. (ya right) more of like slack + binge during work/chalet/hols.. haha i love chicken curry.. yumyum.. and sambal sotong...

right went to my fav neneks house... (nobody will want to know how my family tree works.. its too complicated.. even for me) and saw luigi again.. tt fat 10kg cat.. i swear he is twice of novi +++ ... tried carrying him.. whoa.. its like carrying dumbell.. but i want novi to be fat tooooooooooo!! heez.. oh then went to my other hmm datoks house aka mak cik aliya's but too bad cudnt drop by sya's house! was so near.. but too late to drop by..

oh yes.. my nail finally cracked.. was knocking my toe against the table and it came off.. :S now i can see the blood clot inside.. 1.2.3 *puke* haha..

does anybody wanna give me chem tuitioN?

ah!

i realised one calf is bigger than the other.. :S how odd!!!!

oh well this yr preparations have been really early so this is the first time we cud actually watch salam lebaran w/o doing sth at the same time haha.. the show wasnt too bad.. at least i didnt doze off like the last few times.. but my fav one is still the one with the baju jolok jolok.. :) which im sure no one else rems..

wonder if this yrs hari raya will be better.. normally i hardly talk when visiting.. i mean we've got like nothing much in common plus the huge age gaps.. im the youngest girl cousin on my dad's side.. and i just dont seem to click with any of my cousins.. how sad.. hmms tts why hari raya can get quite boring each time.. but shud be more on this time.. was looking thru some old pics and realise we haevnt had any recent hari raya fotos.. and the one tt we took had me with some horrible haircut or looking damn sian or both! bah.. so yes.. i still have 30 more shots on my cam for hari raya with family.. chalet.. amir's get-tog thingy.. another chalet.. mebbe jalan raya with frens.. if tt ever materializes considering i cant make it for the rg one.. hmm and mebbe a trip to KL for shopping.. :D yay..

oh right was reading the paper today.. what is pple and their obsessions abt skls and their stigma? heez.. and the artist got the MG uni wrong.. obviously each skl is gonna have some of every kind right!? and dawn's blog abt her neighbours thinking all rg students are stuckup.. like wth.. sterotyping.. unavoidable it seems.. guilty until proven innocent.. yadda yadda whatever..

selamat hari raya.. :) Semoga dirahmati Allah.. Semoga kami sememangnya merayakan kemenangan dan bukan sekadar gembira kerana hari raya..
seorang manusia memang banyak dosa dosanya.. kumemohan maaf jika terlanjur kata.. Semoga kami semua menjadi insan yg lebih beriman dan sensitif..

selamat hari raya

just finished weaving ketupats.. another yr of ketupats gone by.. i kinda look forward to making 'em and eating 'em each yr.. oh well.. the house is now very bright and colourful thnx to my choice of rug.. :) i think the living room is finally very comfy.. yay..

hmms was reading a horoscope characteristics thing a while ago.. cancerians.. always the same kinda report.. always so negative.. bleah. clingy.. possesive lah.. moodswingy lah.. what to do.. the positive points also sound negative.. how horrible to be cancerian.. well of coz i dont believe in them except there is some truth in it.. or mebbe its the many yrs of influence.. hehz.. sometimes its just better to retreat back into my shell and care abt me me n me.. :p wateva..

sometimes i think im the only one
whose day turned out unlike it had begun
and i feel barenaked and i just cant take it
im getting jaded no i just can't fake it anymore
cos im barenaked
life's what u make it
wish i could float away to some other day

i know its hard to hold it inside
its days like this i run and hide
when i feel barenaked....

its all a state of mind but i dont mind
trying to find a way to keep my head above the mess i made
what the world creates
sometimes it just feels good
to let it all fall let it fall hear me fall
but then the world comes tumbling down down down

world cup ends + i have super long weekend

what a nail biting match.. with a sad ending.. all blacks deserve to win overall.. bah.. haha.. ive been converted to NZ.. oh well who doesnt love them.. but england and their forever cheap shots.. how unfair.. :S wateva man gregan rocks..

anyway.. this morning woke up with a tummy ache.. so skipped training.. ay.. but still had to go to skl to hand in appeal.. haiya.. but in the end went to causeway pt and did some shopping.. :) yay i have new slippers already how maluating to have broken my slippers there.. -red- but i met MEIDA! ooh how i missed her.. nvm at least will most prob meet her during track chalet.. :) her As are over and she accompanied me until my sis came with my shoes.. hehe..

Friday was the most busy work day so far.. photocopied stuff.. packed.. and called pple.. or rather helped victor take down orders cos i hate talking to pple.. calling up places is quite hilarious.. esp junwan's huilengs n jo's survey.. poor derek and siewling for getting slammed down so many times.. patpat.. hah retribution for going out so much :p

right and in the bus they started talking abt cars.. tho i dunno much its damn cool to hear them talk abt it.. at least can learn new things.. im just amazed at how much jo knows.... ahh.. cant believe clara is gonna get a convertible.. tho i wudnt wanna sit in a pink car with red leather seats.. :S hahah.. but hey.. i do appreciate cars..:) and when they say theres no use buying a convertible in Sg.. not exactly true.. cos was on the way home and we passed some deserted part of Sg.. u cud just whizzz past if yr car was damn power! :)

hmms overall i need more sleepp.. i saw my eyes in the morning and i have eyebags.. wth! from slacking at work?? ya right.. sleep is gd.. its the best thing in the world.. my ultimate fav pasttime.. ahhh.. feels so goooood.. no one is allowed to wake me up tomorrow and the days until thursday... heheh

hmms constructor workers came today to fix the gate.. its really pretty i think.. bronze and black .. its immense size makes our house look so big and grand.. :) very pretty actualyl esp the small gate tt my sis designed.. with my helP!! haha.. not much tho.. dunno why mum and sis were complaining it was too big.. tho it is very high.. i think its twice the height of mum. hehehe.. oh n normally novi can walk across the gate cos its even.. but now its sloping upwards with some design sticking out i was wondering how she would walk on the fence now.. so i thot she cant .. in the end my dad was like 'ILI! look at the cat!' and she just finished climbing the whole fence.. wth! haha.. so cute.. this must be really boring.. but who cares.. hahaha

lalala. made 2 more kuihs today.. the ultra express mix everything together and put in cups and fridge and pack one.. and the pistachio cookie.. the burnt pistachio cookies taste really good.. :) i think im gonna finish all the kuih before pple get here.. heheh..

arsenal's playing in abt 40mins time! :) yea!

delightful

yeaaaaaa.. just watched the rugby match.. NZ vs France.. ALL BLACKS ROCK! :D ooh im starting to love rugby more than football or any other sport for tt matter.. ahh carlos spencer is how cooll.. :D look at his hair! look at his physique! BUT most importantly.. look at how zai he is! blind pass.. play maker.. kaoz.. why didnt he play tt well agst AUS? bleagh.. they shud replay the aus nz match.. england sucks.. stupid wilkinson and his stupid cheap goals.. and danny is playing his positioN!? how cool.. shud watch out for him next yr.. :) im definitely attending all rugby matches next yr!! ahh i love watching tries..

oks.. lets see.. my no slacking plan didnt work.. my studying chem didnt work and my lets help out pple didnt exactly work.. cos was very sian and very dead and there was no work to do in the 1st place! at least we were quieter today.. heh.. got quite pissed after a while cos i felt so cheated! hrmph.. eeyer.. i better have more work tom.. otherwise ill die of boredom.. OMG.. this cud actually surpass the level of boredom tt i endured on the 1st 3 days of HC.. like academic orientation?? yaright.. urgh.. shucks have to write a letter to take leave.. why so mahfan!?!? bleah..

let me go figure out the format of a letter..

feeeling awful

aaaaaaahh no more slacking tom onwards.. nonono.. no more playing.. no more .. feeling so guilty.. :S.. and i dont mean at home.. sigh.. but stilll..

aku masih mempunyai motivasi..
sth is abrewing.. but im loving it.. -bleagh mcs cliche-
hehe

but yes tom shall be super sorting out and helping out and apologising and doing chem day!!

must stay optimistic!

pls dont complain!!

coke

feeling awfully sleepy
today was pretty slack but hopefully the pple there dont complain abt us.. since we were like joking ard for the whole of the afternoon.. my mentor rocks!! tho of coz she left for bangkok leaving us with a week of thinking of promotions.. and straw packing.. pretty cool actually.. :) but its really out of the way.. need to find a better way to get there and back from tom onwards.. took lik 1.5hrs to get back home.. bleah.. so winding one the route.. other than tt.. didnt do much.. just slacked .. walked and sorted out F&N's competitors with victor..

being there is pretty fun.. but the travelling part pretty much sucks.. i need my CDS.. and my SATS book.. oh yea and msged mr kan today.. still wondering what his sms meant.. falala.. hopefully he doesnt forget to inform me.. i dont want to do chem! oh yeeeaaaa.. most importantly.. job shadowing has been cut down to 2 weeks!! alrightttt ahh too bad still cant make it for OBS.. otherwise id seriously be jam packed and my SATS will die..

shall pay sleep debt now.. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

ay.. im never gonna finish all my work.. :S

its ok .. breath in.. breath out..

yay finally finished making kuih raya.. mom woke me up at 9am complaining tt no one was helping her..we made one which im too scared to try.. it has ingredients like paprikah.. which i dunno what tt is.. which STINKS.. n curry powder!?!? n peanut butter.. n cheese.. n cornflakes.. i have a sinking feeling this was a combi of like 2 meals.. u know like rachel's pudding thingy in FRIENDS.. n dad says it tastes like ginger biscuit.. blearhghghgh.. *coff*

sheeeeesh.. i feel like painting again.. but hmms mebbe ill do chem instead.. -cries-

hopefully job shadowing will go on smoothly.. with LOTS OF PERKS.. doubtful tho.. itll be great if our supervisor was damn fun.. hehe.. and the pple ard me of coz.. at least i have some pple i know like joon n iwan.. but none in my department tho.. sad.. mebbe we can take breaks and go study SATS.. urgg im sounding like such a mugger..

i want more paint! -whines- ill love transforming my roommm.. !!

ah..
id be lying if i said i wasnt disappointed.. mebbe i shud have put maths first before econs.. what a dumbo.. but nvm.. just have to figure out how to appeal.. with hopes itll get accepted..

anyway.. i painted my room ... :) or rather i sponged it haha.. finally bought paint and decided to use all the prints like paw prints.. flower.. swirlies and hearts to print all ard my room.. and even repainted my bookshelf peenk.. haaha.. it really brighten up my day.. but i shud have done it before joon told me abt the results.. bah..

ooh todays flag day was hmm memorable?? ok so far all my flag days have had their own memories.. with the first one being horrible.. 2nd being heavy.. and this tme the third.. rather slack and amusing.. some jap tourists donated like a dollar.. and they said 'oh i dunno how much tt is worth!' and 'can we take foto with u?' i was very.. ahemmmmmmmmm??? oh and then some middle aged guy who was like half ang moh half chinese in a suit came to donate and was joking abt how the hole was too small.. and said i had a nice dimple.. ooh.. hahaha. u can see me grin now cant you? what to do .. praises are really nice.. :D they rawk! yups and then went to library to stone.. listened to robbie williams LIVE oh he rawks! and his song 'and ive got too much love running thru my veins.. ' is still in my head.. was stupid to not realise it sooner.. listened to BLUE and ATOMIC KITTEN before tt which sucks..

oh yea then watched RUGBY! ooh its much more exciting than soccer.. yet i still nearlyl fell asleep at how NZ was playing!! how can they be so baddddddd!?!?!? Carlos Spencer is really cool!! so is GEorge Gregan..!! :D but ya was quite a disappointing match when it was supposedly the toughest matchup.. perhaps tom's match will be more interesting.. heh finally a sport tt i love n my dad hates.. odd tt he doesnt like rugby.. its how great! haha.. except i dunno when scrums take place..

BTW DOES ANYONE HAVE MR KAN'S EMAIL?

bogged

everyone thinks tt they are such failures..
whats wrong with us?
whats up with this screwed screwed world..

anyway.. i feel like heading towards the beach tomorrow.. the nearest one of cos.. wonder if my bike is still usable.. was sitting at jurong waiting for the train to come.. the wind was blowing so serenely.. with 'time after time' playing on my discman.. it felt great.. it felt like i was alone with the world with no worries.. rediscovering the beauty of it all.. rediscovering my fav element.. and how a good book a good view and a great atmosphere can do u some good..

was reading past entries...
reliving past emotions and memories..
hmmmmmmms..

brushed up abit on mahjong n bridge today.. but msotly watched shaolin soccer..never watched it completely before.. quite funny.. but had to crank my neck cos i had a horrible seat with my back to the tv.. i need to brush up on reading numbers.. wheres tt list.. hehe..

hmms to those who are so bogged up with life.. take a break.. and just unwind.. whats there to be so fed up abt?
sometimes.. being alone is a good thing..

reinventing

i find the urge to.. im incomplete.. and in disarray.. i want to start all over again.. scrap tt.. i just want the beginning.. and then.. skip the rest..

anyway.. today was very tiring.. PW is finally done .. :) and then went over to IKEA and geylang for mass shopping.. its really fun to see ain at such stores.. with all her dreams..

speaking of dreams.. i just seem to get so disheartened these days.. not to mention dizzy enough to puke..

someone find me pls.

and right i seem to know the schedule for the past 3 days.. thanks guys.. wonder how long this will keep up.. im feeling so down.. i dont even feel like going ken's house anymore.. urh.. so fed up.. i feel.. so imposing.. sooooo overbearing.. sooooooooo like oh right i wanted this and ill whine if i dont get it and pple will give in to me.. and etc.. urhhhh i know ill feel quite terrible if they didnt.. but at least its the truth.. and ill get over it.. THATS precisely what reinvention is for..

mebbe ill just scoot over to the beach then..

shopping was quite a success :) happy day no more trainings this week.. oh right i felt so tired and weak with all the moving in the car i felt like puking.. was collapsing all over the bed and table.. but nvm.. got what i needed... this time we shopped so extensively.. we were still in wisma after abt 2 hours of shopping.. how wonderful.. haha..

don't frown, you never know who is falling in love with your smile

heez my stamina is definitely down the drain.. i spent 10mins lying on the bed contemplating between playing lf2 or clearing my room.. i decided on the latter and just after an hour i died.. am so tired!! i only cleared my table and filed up chem notes before i admitted defeat and dumped the rest of the notes onto the shelves again.. slightly more neatly this time.. have to conserve my energy for shopping later.. :D tho i think dee still isnt awake considering she hasnt replied my sms.. will not go out of the house until she smses me.. hah

mebbe i shud continue to sleep... *yawn*

i curse smokers to the bottom of bottom of hell..

blearghhhhhh.. this guy sat next to me in the train and i was completely choked.. i wonder if he realised i was gagging.. tempted to move away except it was only afew stops left.. STILL i could taste tar in my saliva.. bleaghhh i mean can u imagine those kind of gas bombs they use in wars? chemical warfare tt makes u foam and salivate so u choke in yr own mucous? yaaa i was half way there already... not kidding..

last meeting for PW woohoozz. :D played little fighter with jon chen n yanling.. haha.. i am really badddd.. oh wells.. and then watched rugby.. how fun.. :) i cant wait for thursday.. training had better not be killer or in the afternoon.. Ill cry! oklah i wont but itll be so wasted..

these days have been full of only 3 things.. going out.. napping.. either staring at SAT word list or worrying abt chem.. yups.. i think im gonna die for SATS.. im how lousy and prob cant do the mcqs in the time limit.. its soo fast.. 30mins? and so few questions but so many marks?? so scary! i do wonder if i saw the right format.. how come i never recall going for any SAT briefing.. heez..

shopping tomorrow.. hopefully i can get everything i need.. especially shoes.. stupid slippery slippers made me look REALLY stupid at the lrt just now.. attempted to walk really slowly along the slippery floor but i slipped and tried to regain my balance.. i saw my right leg go up really high! and i like grabbed the bushes beside me.. right in front of some guy ahh.. damn malu!!!!!! sooo paiseh.. was laughing really awfully after tt.. sigh what a traumatic experience!! heart skipped many beats.. sheesh..

now to do some minor pw thingies.. sigh..

sleeping is the best form of relaxation i can get these days.. im like 1000xx more wound up now.. i just refused to think abt anything so i spent the time sleeping for 4 ++ hours this afternoon.. and i intend to sleep some more tonight.. im so caught up in what i aim to achieve tt im building up so much fear inside.. the fear of failure.. I know ill get thru this.. but will i come out exhausted and falling down.. or exhausted yet successful? but yea i guess in the end ill still be exhausted.. but i dont want to let anyone down..

Isnt it unfair how our future is determined by just a few bunch of pple? Like teachers for example.. and bosses.. I mean if the teacher just plains hate you then what are you to do? and biasness.. prejudices.. sigh.. Its so hard to get by life trying to do the right thing.. and if you sth wrong.. if u slip up just once.. ure reprimanded? wheres the justice in tt? Im seriously losing all hope in life.. theres no use trying to please pple.. trying to do sth for the good of everyone.. so what? im selfish! and it seems that every reason i have to go overseas seems so shallow.. and without basis.. Its almost impossible to get a scholarship out of here.. I just dont want to stay here.. I dont know why.. All the buildup and everything.. the need to excel in everything.. it just burns me out.. like hello our PEARLS system.. how can anyone get an A?? ok so it doesnt really affect the uni entrance since everyone gets a C anyway.. but if we're trying to aim to reach that A standard.. it is just plain inhuman.. To expect someone to excel in every area.. youre just asking too much.. I dont want to work hard.. I just want to do what i can at a relaxed pace cos i dont want to slog THAT hard all my life.. Can't aperson experience wealth and non-slogging at the same time? my far-fetched dream of reaching tai-tainess.. heh.. its so spastic how they say u shud stretch yrself and reach yr full potential cos .. i would never be able to last.. Can anyone???

Holidays are supposed to be a time with no deadlines.. no worries.. relaxation.. Chem is just boggling me.. and every other subject is at the edge of my thoughts.. I'm never gonna last next yr.. and if i don't do well teachers will be after me.. i will be after me.. hrmph.

I need tt chalet time ... to just have PURE FUN.. sigh..

forgot to add this:
we drew stick figures.. :D and spiky hair.. and lofty hair and curly hair.. and very many appropriate sports equipments at carrefour toys section.. :D

and i want to buy a tankini!

and i won at trucks!

malays are tomm.. :(

aku rela hidup denganmu
demi bahagia hanya TUhan memisahkan kita
untuk mempersembah sayang padamu
keharuman bunga tak seharumnya cintaku
istimewa untuk sunting jiwamu
berulang pandang pertama kau utuskan senyum mesra
aku ingin seribu tahun lagi bersama mu
kubinakanmu istana
dengan niat suci kaulah permaisuri
sambutlah cinta abadi
manisnya asmara kekal selamanya

pergilah kekasih dari dirinya
jangan kembali pada diriku
sesungguh kita terpaksa berpisah
namun kau tetap diingatkan
lupakan aku buat selamanya
dan anggaplah diriku tiada
walaupun kita sudah berpisah kau tetap kucinta

dah lama ku tanam kasih mengapa orang tak setia
sebelah sebelah sayang pastikan bersemi jua
dugaan pastikan mendatang
walaupun bukan diundang hilang lah nikmatnya bercinta
itu mainan bercinta
rayu merayu mujuk memujuk
tidak aku hidup melara
saling percaya saling mengerti
hingga hilang cemburu buta
usah perasankan hilangkan rajuk moga tercapai saat bahagia
akan ku cuba hidup bahagia
akan kutempuh lumrahnya bercinta

hah.. dont get me wrong.. its the only new malay songs ive got.. and i cant figure out half of the lyrics..

phooey today was how tiring.. got stuck in spotlight and carrefour for how long.. but definitely going back carrefoure to do lots of shopping.. :D its really hilarious when ain goes on a shopping spree and gets paranoid.. haha.. and you can like watch dvds and vcds at carrefoure how cool is tt?? was watching snippets of the lion king and 2fast2furious.. really cool.. :D i loved the lion king.. stupid sis recorded sth over my tape.. i was so in love with it i had like the book and the tape.. and i cud like recite the script when nala and simba were arguing.. come to think of it .. i think i still can haha.. fun fun!.. but id rather watch simba's pride instead.. waitwait.. lemme try rem cikgu's fav peribahasa, kalau hendak melentur buluh biar dari rebungnya.. oh ok tts it.. i think.. ngantuk.. i wanna be like sleeping beauty and sleep forever and wake up to find my prince.. wahhaa.. ok stupid fairy tales from mld meeting are haunting me.. oh yea i had some idea.. but it felt really dumb.. and i cant rem.. sth like a modern day aladdin cum bedazzled.. yet to think thru.. ay better read some compos.. *yawn*

spoiltbrat -- inspiration from dee

Stars gleamed across the sky as she headed out
its been awhile since she saw orion's belt
pretty.. quiet.. serene..
Settling down.. Blasting.. Walking briskly without knowledge of time
Manages to catch the train as it enters the station just as she arrives at the platform
Settles down comfortably
Waits patiently for
the sunrise
the destination in mind
Silenced by another
Mutters and curses to herself
Fiddles with her phone as she proudly claims her maiden trip
Reaches MUCH too early for the following train
While her friend was probably still very much on the other side of the world
Watches the sky turn colour
black. navy. blue. pink. orange. white
Felt as if the world just woke up
Misses the first train
Glances at her watch many a time
Hesitant as the next train rolls in
Finally reaches her destination
Strolls leisurely through homes... past many sleepy eyes
Soaks in the atmosphere.. the music
Her friend was right
Finally at the end of her journey
Though her first encounters are not to her liking and preference
She smiles as she sees familiar faces at a familiar place
For the first time that day did she finally feel real.. awake..
And the day begins..



lalala.. I know its boring and vague.. but hey its a true story.. :) would you rather me write it as 'My first MRT ride to school on a school day'??? hhahah.. and yes im like leaving the house at 630 tomorrow!! sheesh..

what a waste of a day

all we did was pw presentations.. after presentation after presentation.. the bloody room was how humid and i bet i was one of those who were actually more awake than others.. but at least it wasnt too bad for our grp.. our technique of slack slack slack CHIONG! works.. :D haha.. i think we only chionged like 3-4 times this yr.. and the chionging at jiahan's house on sunday must have been the most constructive session.. esp outside of skl hours.. haha come on the last time we met outside skl hours was at my house watching Goldmember.. stupid jon chen now labels my house as the goldmember house.. bleaghh.. nvm he is gonna move into the uluest part of yishun soon.. hah! but watching the guys play little fighter and some pokemon volleyball thingy was pretty entertaining.. but in the end escaped home.. refused to touch on anymore pw.. perhaps will do some at jiahans house again while playing daidee.. ;)

ay my OP kinda sucks.. cud hear my own voice cracking.. heeyers.. and ms wong mentioned i smiled at the appropriate time.. i was smiling!? odd.. hah.. now i have to do bloody bio tut.. *weeps* mebbe i shud just skip skl tomorrow.. so siiiiiiiiiannn..

oh yes and apparently he cut his hair.. yet to see it.. aiya.. such a fetish for cutting hair.. in a span of a yr.. saw him cut hair like what.. 3-4 times alreadY!?

hmms watched the legacy of prophet muhammad just now.. very interesting! :D very good show.. esp for those like me who have very minimal knowledge.. so ashamed but aiya gdgd.. always wanted to learn anyway.. ay.. theres a feeling in my bones tt sth is gonna happen.. i dont know what.. but i just have the feeling.. lets sseee.. mebbe its just paranoia.. i was so tired in the bus today i terlajak by like 4 stops.. so i had to walk back home.. took 15mins.. at least i woke up before the bus ended up at Sembawang Beach.. hopefully i wont terlajak tomorrrow..

blog surfing can seriously get depressing..

so penat

it doesnt help when ure surrounded by cans of water.. ice.. and food in the blazing hot sun.. yups had CIP today.. its a million times better than flag day but wished there were more pple who came.. oh wells.. yea and why do i have to be so mediocrely lucky!? 2 saturdays in a row.. missed him by like what.. a mere few mins/hours? ay... nvm lah..

aha then went over to NTU to send buckets of food to kak liyana.. but at the rate she eats.. we had to bring home half the load anyway.. plus we took like an hour looking for some food place in jurong west.. cos we were going round in circles getting lost.. its like hello.. boonlay to jurong and i cud sleep and thot it was so long.. woke up really cranky.. and we had to walk so much! ok fine i was just being cranky cos i was just so penat.. and i still havent repaid my sleep debt.. we passed like this hua yi sec skl.. which is a million times prettier and bigger than rj.. it seemed more high tech too.. it looked like a really fancy skl.. tho ive never heard of it.. but the atmosphere of being crammed up with food and people seemed to wake me up and made me less grumpy.. my parents cud actually have a decent convo with me after it.. haha.. u never want to be with me when i get angry or cranky.. ill just pull a horrid long face.. and jeling and groan and frown and tell u to shuttup.. yups.. it used to be worst and more frequent..

shall go eat my rojak cina in a while.. :D tho im seriously full..
ooh i love 7-UP ahhaahaha.. tho i havent tasted it in a looooong time ;)