reminder: tagboard is way below

hey qianru.. all i did was find a nice image saved it.. uploade it.. stole someone's main html codes.. :) walah.. haha its not tt great.. but its fine for now.. ooh interesting what kinda stuff do u have.. hehe..

wah.. im quite tired.. only like really really played against combined skls today.. but was so blur.. aiyoyo.. but coach finally praised me for my flyballs.. :D yay.. yea yea im a sucker for praises.. so what.. need to inflate my severely damaged ego once in a while! i caught like 2 .. one which was actually gonna be foul.. another was like down the line.. it was like the same place.. by the same batter in the same inning.. heez.. when she came up again.. i was wondering if it cud happen twice.. n it cud.. yay! i dun wanna play agst src.. outfield so stressed.. prob pant like crazy

was lookin at my arms in the mirror.. damn big.. in comparison to like last time.. oh nos..

anyway watched i not stupid for the first time.. its a not bad movie.. :) some parts really tugged my heart.. and tts really rare.. i never cried for a movie or book before.. only very nearly twice.. yea stone hearted eh.. i liked the ending.. hehe.. and i thot the whats his name.. issit hock boon or sth character.. was cute!!!! hahah.. oops.. as in he can grow to become a hunk.. :D as long as he doesnt end up like the gay chunky monkey in rj.. -goosebumps-

im getting tired.. need to start muggginggg.. but arsenal match is 30mins time! i think im really gonna fall terribly ill soon.. ive been having a mild case since like forever.. mebbe i wun go skl on tuesday :D n take revenge on ain for leaving me along again.. bleah.. tom.. tv nite.. for now.. mugging.. or perhaps dozing off on books.. bah

btw tagboard all the way BELOW.. just some pretty foto i found..my first template made myself! now i realisee why pom loves the northern lights so much.. :)

now i know i had it all cos i have you just to see you smile oh i was too blind to say that i had everything tt you completed me i can still rem how u held my hand like ull never let it go n here i am alone trying to move on wondering how a love like ours cud go so wrong love come back to me come back again to me when i still believe that ure the one i need now i trying hard to make it thru living is so empty w/o you u wud catch my every fall but i pushed u far away what i cudnt give to have u back again

NEWSHOES~!
yayayyayayayayyayayayayayayya!

haaha.. elated.. very happy.. ive got shoes that make me feel and look taller.. woohoo id prefer if they were the black pair tt i originally wanted but they didnt have em with laces or there was a sandal kinda thing at the back.. shitty designers! what are they thinking man! haha.. i realise they match my bag.. its like white.. red n grey.. they are quite pretty.. :D yay very happy.. tankew mummy tankew daddy! haha like they read this..

well i originally planned to buy 'em like tom after teachers day celeb but since i was at funan after parliament thingy n parents were on leave shopping at robinsons i decided to just go buy my shoes.. oh yea i had taco bell!! yumyum.. like in how many years.. i cant believe they stopped the chain.. i was so sad!! i love the burritos n tacos n most of all the cheese fries with extra cheese.. tho the cheese tastes weird now.. we were thinking tt taco bell wasnt exactly the best place to go on yr first date cos its so messy.. haha n had a ball of a time looking at yearbooks.. esp lumut.. he is SOOOOOOO COMEL.. im sorry but latte does not equal comel (To me).. mini lumut looks ESPECIALLY adorable.. ahhhhh!! even tho its like so girl.. so gay n so toot.. n like so negative.. his whole look is sooooooooooooo the cute!!!!!!! hahhaha.. esp the sec 3 foto in his cca.. with cap n all.. kneeling.. ahhh i was sooooo squealing in utter delight.. hahah altho i was laughing like a complete idiot in the morning cos he looks so impeccably different n toot.. but i think its so adorable.. :D his eyes are so clear n bright.. haha.. i wonder how'd he look if he remained his hairstyle liddat now... i bet ill call him toot fren instead mwahhaha.. oh yea n like made a revelation abt the word toot in maths lect.. ain was like.. 'oh look its a palindrome in any way u write it forward backwords upwards downwards' i was like experimenting when she commented 'are u interested in toot fren?' HELLLOOOO.. noway... altho toot fren is becoming not toot.. he is and will forever remain toot fren in my books.. haha

reminds me of cakap petah this morning.. stupid pple kept forcing me to go.. dun tell pple to do things u dun wanna do.. grr.. n dun tell me its different cos i take malay or bla bla bla.. cos its NOT diff.. bah

oh yes we had parliament.. didnt stay for the more interesting parts but i thot it was pretty interesting.. odd how only pple from my class wanted to stay to watch.. but one of the ministers was like not answering the qns that maliki asked.. thot his answers were pretty dumb.. makes it sound like anyone can be minister liddat.. n reminds me of tt other loud guy who thinks he can just stroll in thinking HE has the qualifications to be president.. like wth! but i liked one of the ministers for being so calm and collected.. the wya he handled the qns were very professional and impressive.. tho i dunno who the guy is tho ive seen him quite a lot of times.. oops.. hehe..

ive also decided to do a little bit of chem everyday.. cos i seriously need the practise.. ili gets into mugging mode.. (ya right) all i did was read thru my kinetics.. its a start i guess.. sadly im giving myself a break today haha.. what!? lek ah! enjoy the hols a bit.. :) all i need now is a new layout.. a haircut.. a hairband.. meeting my bald fren.. meeting pals n teachers.. n more sleep.. life wud be good if all those happened.. :D

novi is going mad again.. over my laces.. she loves long things tt slither.. she needs the exercise anyhow..

hmms yet another year w/o giving the teachers anything.. im sorry but im just not into tt kinda stuff.. but i am however very grateful for cikgu said.. i think he really helps me.. i think if i were under any other teacher i wud be like toast.. n wud take malay again.. (i mean i really hope n think i can make it this year) n i do miss mrs foo n mdm toh from hc.. they were really nice teachers.. even with mr lui we had like sentimental memories... but ya they are true teachers.. i really respect these few.. as for MC... lets just say.. she needs more experience on toning it down.. n being more realistic n less fakeness in professionalism.. but im getting a hang of her.. she deosnt really pick on me anymore considering the guys make so much noise.. tts one thing i dun like abt the class..i realise they arent a bad bunch.. but they can get pretty noisy at times..

haiz.. nurie leaving.. i dunno .. to us here.. its like the end.. but imagine for her.. its the beginning of something really awesome.. i wud love to be her.. every bone in my body is jealous of her.. :D but im reallly happy tt she got it.. i feel really good knowing someone who got it.. i hope she has a fantastic time.. :D and its my turn to work my ass off to get my own ticket outta here.. it might be shallow to think so sweepingly tt sg sucks etc etc etc tt sholarships are good and since everyone wants it i want it too..sometimes yea i do think tt way but i just wanna travel.. i just wanna feel what its like to study abroad.. i dun want to be a katak bawah tempurung.. i want to see how i can grow as a person overseas.. ive never been so sure of wanting to study overseas.. like 99% of me thinks ill never get a scholarship.. but i dun care.. im just gonna apply.. im just gonna give my honest view tt i want tt scholarship to see the world.. to meet new pple.. itll be soooo different to study alone abroad.. i just want it to happen.. I WANT IT SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cripes.. reminds me need to apply for SATS real soon..

u spend all your time waiting for tt second chance for the break tt will make it ok its only some reason to feel not good and its hard at the end of the day i need some distraction there maybe empty and weightless and maybe ill find some peace tonight in the arms of the angel fly away from here from this stone cold hotel room and the answers that u feel u are pulled from the wreckage of yr silent reverie ure in the arms of the angel may u find some comfort here

mathssucked

sigh..
novi is going crazy in the middle of the night.. was doing maths tut.. and she comes nuzzling.. asking to be scratched n open the door for her.. but its too late for her to be out.. let her bite me.. kinda therapeutic.. in a relieving stress kinda way.. time to sleep.. but as yet im not in the mood to..

gattaca today was a nice show.. ethan hawke looked really good.. :)

sometimes.. things are better left unsaid..

3flyballsn1runn1c555

im so sleepy.. let me pls survive the week.. let me study lots.. oh ya need to bayar balik puasa..

no more lumut no more batu..

my sis had the most interesting convo with pom.. luffed till i cud die.. i want to see his hair!! or the lack of it...

todays match was pretty ok.. :) felt good to get revenge on the batter who made me miss 2 flyballs.. in the end i caught 3 flyballs.. :D yea! n scored a run.. woohoo now i need to start studying..

cant decide if i shud order cheese pizza.. shud i.. shud i not? hmms..

nothing much to talk abt.. dun understand whats so important abt s cube seminar anyway.. at most only the guys shud go.. but ivan asked a good qn.. i cannot stand the woman.. she always beats ard bush and does not answer the qn.. whY? oh cos its obvious tt muslims are mosly assigned to the police n CD. im sure u are so frekaing random when u assign them.. she is just trying to answer in a politically correct manner.. sya said that she cud use like 100yrs of sleep at the rate of her eyebags.. i agree! on the other hand, i blame the mats as well.. if they wud stop hanky-pankying around our name wudnt get so bad! why do so many of them have shotgun marriages? why do so many minahs have to go become ktv hostesses? why cant they get some responsiblity n knowledge through tt thick skull of theirs.. grr.. n the way tt stupid woman said it sounded like we are stupid.. shudnt u practise more tact! -rolls eyes- these kinda pple shud not be allowed to answer in Q & A sessions..

oh yea then after tt i met wirna.. was thinking of her actually.. since she is studying there.. apparently quite a few other pple arre there too like shafiq n huishan.. :) how cool.. but she said i grew more tembam! :( was pouting the whole day today abt it... stef was like teling me to shuttup.. but its true!! i was thinking the same thing just a few days back.. i mean even tho im not like overweight.. my face is so lebar! and tembam! i need to do like facial exercises.. (is tt possible?)

oh yay mummy is gonna call pizza hut for cheese n hawaian pizza!!!!! :D crap.. there goes my chubby face.. soon itll be chubby everywhere.. -distressed-

'friday'stoningsessionsrock

yeaps.. if just i cud have my mcs getaways back.. nvm only a few weeks.. :) im gonna do welL!! plsplspls!! hmms oh yea we had floorball.. n we decided to call lumuts fren batu.. which makes perfect sense.. apparently they are both very extra.. in the same way.. oh welll.. floorball is actually quite tiring n very good at taking revenge. ;) .. but games that involves stuffs to hit the balls are not exactly my fav. games.. eg. tennis, hockey.. u know racquet games.. i just suck at them.. prefer direct contact with HANDS.. note word hand.. not even soccer! haha.. but yea got pe again tom.. with mr shah.. how fun! i love hiM!! hahah dun start thinking weird thots now.. but i think he is a really cute boiboi!! :D he wud make the loveliest little boy!! hahah.. i hope if i have a son he will be liddat..either cutecute (tho NOT MONTEL) or like really suave.. ahha like my somehow related cousin who is 11 and knows how to tie a bunga on his kain samping (impressive stuff considering he taught himself!) and he is really cute!!! haha

ive completed tasks no. 10 & 12! and half of 2!.. hurray.. haha.. wait i have to add another task 15) MUG LIKE HELL..

oh yea apparently mc heard stuffs.. poor woman.. i mean yea sometimes she can be a pain.. but i guess i understand what she is trying to do.. and i completely understand why she gets so agitated when some pple dun pay attention and and keep on talking.. i guess she just doesnt know how to control the class.. it needs a diffrent approach because some people just need to be disciplined.. its the truth.. ! humdedum.. im grateful im not being picked on anymore.. :) n i appreciate the malay language now..

hmsm shall narrate some funny stuffs..
-after floorball-
me: im so tired (leans against wall and bend towards the stairs side) i feel like i cud just tumble over these stairs
-some stranger snickers-
me: ermm.. i dun even know tt person n she is laughing at me!?
ain: well its called peramah.. i bet if it was like adam.. or dyed hair guy u wud be like 'drooling/hyperventilating' 'ya funny ah..' -swooning voice-
well u just had to be there.. the way ain said it made me collapse onto the ground. well if lumut said it i wud collapse immediately.. cos it wud mean he acknowledged my existence haha.. watevaaa..

oh yea finally got the mendaki acceptance letter.. its on the 20th of sept.. woohoos.. means its the week after MAF.. hmms.. wonder if what khairul said is true.. issit in cash.? hahah (ya right)

lets see what today brings for me.. happiness..? agitation?

hope ure having fun serene! i hate u!!!! :D

ili needs
1) suggestions for new haircut
2) to do her econs essay
3) to bath novi
4) get some rest
5) new shoes
6) time
7) money
8) a REAL fren
9) someone to burn for her the new jay chou cd
10) pbase to start working
11) to drop malay
12) to find out what lumut means
13) a break from matches
14) to tear herself away from the comp
*help*

2 points of thought..
1) evolution is not right..
as sya said.. the natural selection thing seems to work.. but evolvement from different species n spontaneity just has a big void in it.. and i completely disagree with darwin for saying that humans evolved from apes.. im sorry but i hate those animals.. not to mention we have to learn the topic in bio..

2) euthanasia..
watched a show for GP reagarding the position ofa human veg wanting to die cos he has nothing left in his life.. i think the vid was showing the whole matter ina very biased manner. showing as if the doctor is some kinda tyrant.. who controls everything the patient gets.. i mean yea it was i guess a little extreme.. but when u think in the religious manner.. yes it IS a suicidal thing.. and ure not allowed to take your own life.. no matter if ure in a mentally balanced positionor not.. because He has given you another chance.. being a veg is incredibly tough but uve got your brain.. uve got your life.. even tho the manner the councillor said 'u cud find sth else to fall in love with n restart yr life' sounds so flimsy and so petty.. i think its true.. u cant just live your life for one thing n if u lose it ure done with life.. its more than just that.. uve gotta explore other things.. and it is put to u as a challenge.. uve got to be brave n face it.. perhaps being in my position now.. not in such a horrible condition i can say tt.. id prob wud want to die given his circumstances.. but the human spirit has to live on.. uve got to use your brain for something else! so ya i disagree with the video.. even tho the whole view is skewed such that the patient who wants to die prob has liek the hwole viewer's support..

hmms i love getting to know Islam even more.. its so enlightening and im so thankful to be born into it.. n i really wished.. like there cud be some kinda debate to show the truth.. i love malay class revelations.. :)

ineedabreakfromskl

so penat these past few days.. been having perpetual headaches.. and not been doing work.. im just thankful tt i completed my hw over the weekend.. oh crap reminds me of the stupid econs essay tt i have to do.. aiya.. i just feel like ponning skl tom.. im in no mood for another chem prac.. bah.. and im so tired..

just read ain's blog.. reminded me abt the subtle thingy.. haha.. im subtle? if i was how come he knows!? okok.. mebbe cos i have a big mouth.. lalala.. tinglin is hiding some info from me.. but she said its neutral info.. but obviously im curious!bah how come i find out more stuff after ive proclaimed my frenless status.. nvm.. today was supposedly a 'mud'dy day.. poor sya.. and im supposed to be detoxified.. n i think i am.. i mean didnt bother to steal glances.. only ternampak.. but yea when i compare lists.. mine has like zero.. unless u wanna count my perpetual idol who i havent talked to in like a month... but tt goes under my intellectually stimulating lists.. not eyecandy.. hehe

hmm lemme bitch in malay.. tak suka kelas aku.. tahu bising aje! tak tahu buat kerja.. selalu tengok orang punya.. selalu buat pasal aje.. bingit..! yelah ade tu baik juga.. tapi eeeehh.. budak lelaki yang ramai tahu bisinnnnnnnggg aje.. tak pernah gunakan akal.. heesh.. lepas tu.. mainkan perasaan budaklain lagi tu.. aku tahulah si budaktu bukan nya pandai sangat.. fikir orang semua suka dia sangat lah popular.. kapuI! cerminlah dirikau dulu.. -rolls eyes- yang budak yg ramai orang kata bitchy pun seribu kali lebih cerdik.. ahh..

hmm i dun wanna take part in cakap petah! i am so not gonna talk in front of the whole malay community!!!!!! noowayyy ahh.. n ya i just DONT..

oneagainstsrc

that was my bright spot for the day.. or rather yest seeing how its 1am right now.. even tho we got thrashed by src it still feels good to score against themm! :) first batter.. first pitch.. first hit.. to 2nd base with a slide between her legs! tts cool! haha.. but after tt felt really giddy.. not cos of excitement.. cos i was gonna faint.. felt pretty sick half way thru.. i was pretty happy tt i didnt have to do tt much.. n very grateful when there were lefties.. i thot our infield was not bad today.. well btter than usual at least.. haiz yay prize presentation tom.. at kallang.. boooooooo.. im so sick of tt place!

hmms its actually quite easy to eradicate thots of someone who doesnt matter to u.. :D just goes to show how much tt person really means to u.. lalala.. hmms tho i was feeling down n out im feeling slightly better now.. i actually completed all the urgent hw.. so ill do the ones not dued on monday on monday.. and ill study when i have the time.. i really got to get into the swing of things.. was attemping the chem remedial hw.. n took forever trying to explain the statements.. well also cos i was watching 'honey i shrunk the kids' at the same time but yea.. im gonna so fail chem how to get S paper like this!?

was reading the paper just now (for gp.. hehs) and an article said tt raffles gonna help the thru train kids apply for the early admission test to US unis.. like omg.. i SO want to ttry tt .. its how unfair lah! some kids get all the luck.. boo..

well forget abt sklwork for the time being.. was chatting with jaime tt day.. n she suspected me of liking someone in hc.. hmm.. set her straight of cos.. ;) n sharon shared some pretty interesting news.. that makes me admire the person i already admire LOADS.. even more.. i wished i had more time.. to meet up with frens n to get new shoes! before promos.. sigh! well at least its not like prelims is starting for me.. like the poor sec 4s and J2s.. itll be me again next yr.. haiz.. this really sucks man the older u get the shorter the deadlines are.. the shorter the amt of time to an important exam comes by.. one gd thing abt work is tt u can take vacation at like non peak periods and theres no freaking huge exam at a particular period ie october.. damn talking abt skl again..oh well im of coz frenless so yeaa..

oh pasted little glow in the dark sheep n stars all around my room.. i love the orange ones!! so pretty.. the blue ones are cool too except they dun work too well.. ahh.. novi is so comfortable on my new comforter.. poor girl went out for a ride with us in the car aand got so freaked out.. came home n she was completely disoriented.. sorry novi.. think i shudnt do tt again..

any o how.. singles club is still alive and strong.. i shud be made like president.. :D

downinthedumps

i realised novi biting at my skin is very much like slitting my wrists.. i shud let her do it more often.. at the rate im stressed at..

i dunno why how.. but i am.. its killing me inside out..
but i dun want pple to say oh ill be there for u.. and call me anytime or wateva.. (fine its all the stuff i say anyway) but i just need time.. and i need to clear my head.. clear my thoughts.. more importantly clear my work.. i really feel quite depressed.. its a different kind in comparison to sec skl.. and im feeling so dead.. even ain's wackiness didnt really cheer me up.. tho i dunno why i was so down in the first place..

im sorry dee for blowing up on u.. but i just hate it when pple nback out on me.. n orcahrd is simply too far for me.. i was half dead already .. i simply didnt want to go somewhere not in the way..

filza can break news really well.. (note the tone) we have pretty differing views on what matters.. so yea.. thanks so much man.. detoxication is complete.. i hate this.. i hate the need and the longing.. why dont u bloody hell appear already..

what im mad abt is tt life is never fair.. life doesnt give me enough perks.. i hate it.. urrrrhh.. whats horrible is tt i hate tt challenges.. hurdles are all part of life.. and HE is testing us.. HE is fair to everyone.. life is supposedly worth living.. but i cant even blame anyone or blame life.. cos i just have to accept it.. i just have to learn to cope.. i just have to accept my freaking life.. i hate criticism.. i hate judgement.. why must there be these things in life@!? i dun wanna care what ANYONE thinks of me.. just leave me alone.. i dun wanna make an effort at making frens.. or clicking with people.. i just DONT.. im sick of it.. i dont need anyone.. thats what i want to believe.. but cripes.. why cant everyone like everyone!? why must this freaking world be so fucked up.. im so befuddled..

joan.. if i dun turn up tomorrow.. forgive me.. im too pissed to do anything.. softball is the least of my worries.. its a team game.. but i dun see the team.. i dun see no spirit.. i dun see no future.. why dun we just pull out.. as coach says.. does it matter? i dun think half of them even CARE.. so why BOTHER.. fuck fuck fuck fuck..

leave me in my corner.. leave me to rot.. can u stop putting up any expectations.. i just want to be hopeless right now.. let me be.. let me find me.. i need a break from everything in this world..

ifjustcaffeineworkedonme

i really cannot open my eyes.. bad news is i still have tonnes of work to do.. PW draft to be written n printed by tom.. n like 2 members havent sent their part yet.. n the evaluation part hasnt even been discussed yet.. -yawns-
oh great.. n yanling just reminded me abt bio tut.. this is damn shit man.. im like gonna go to sleep at like what .. 5am!? am completely gonna make use of toms (thank god) no malay lesson break to read my econs... or perhaps sleep.. ahh hopefully whatever i read abt market structures the last time STAYED in my head (ya right)
ahh im feeling quite stressed n burned out today.. this is like prob my first time feeling so freaking stressed over skl work.. the only time i got stressed was over prelims.. or rather depressed actually..sigh. my life is falling apart
im always lost in lectures.. and tutorials.. ive got to struggle thru pw.. where my grp is so slack.. sigh.. im so sick of softball.. yea fine i whine whine whine.. why? cos i really want us to do well.. but half the team doesnt seem to care! the no. of games is really getting to me.. im so frustrated..
its not helping that i just am not in the mood of having an eyecandy.. esp one who has suspected attachments.. !!!! ah.. i just want someone to be there! why cant i click with anyone?! urrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!.. its not tt im really so desperate.. but im just frustrated that i wished things were in more controL!!!!!! just give me something good for once!!!!! why must bad>good ALWAYS.. so what if u think its cos oh u dunno what u have... what i know is i ever felt happy.. and i WANT to feel content with life again.. why must the contentment last so SHORT.. ah.. i swear if any teacher nags at me anymore .. for not doing work or whatever the minute shit.. or if any person critics me anymore.. or if coach scolds me for doing stupid mistakes again.. i SWEAR im just gonna just shoot my mouth off.. ahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this complaining entry isnt even waking me up.. i hate this.. i shud be sleeping.. but i still have 3 more things to do..

i hate u
i hate u !!!!!
i hate this!
you suck!
wake uP!
pay attention!
who the hell cares about you!
would i stop caring!
why is green such a common trait tt i displaY!?
just go away
leave me alone
i need my space
i NEEEDD TO STONE
I NEEEED TIME TO MYSELF..

ahhhh.. mebbe its time i unwound myself with dee tom.. pw.. bio.. econs.. here i come.. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

tttookalongtime

yes the pics are finally out.. dee.. theres a pic of renji cheerleading.. :D hmms i shud think renji doesnt have my addy so he doesnt know abt this... hehehehe

oh met khairul at the mrt just now.. haha am confronting him abt it now.. quite funny.. with a buncha girls.. how scandalous! haha..

hmms cud have gotten home earlier if not for hanna saying theres a meeting n then not in the end.. which im still confused over.. but oh well at least its still only evening.. :)

hmms nothing much to say..

grinlikeivenevergrinnedbefore

i got the fotos.. i love the really bright ones.. n theres this really jungle-y one with novi .. its so cool..

swoon..
i cant help but smile..

oh yea i was called upon during econs lect.. so paiseh.. 'the girl with the red pencil case'.. hmm i dun have my pencil case on my table so it cant be me.. 'on her lap' i was like.. oh shit.. !!!!!!! n apparently he didnt even turn back.. ah.. nvm cant see me blush.. but then again im too dark for pple to see me blush.. i just feel all flushed.. but no one can tell the difference.. reminds me of jai.. heh i havent talked to him in like what.. 3 years.. think he is in ns now..

it seems that whenever im at home.. i think i have no work to do.. when im in skl.. im like. shit.. theres so much wrk... i just spent like 730-1030 in front of the TV>. hell its tv night.. cut me some slack.. :D ahh i love F*R*I*E*N*D*S.. i will buy like all the episodes when i earn my own money.. i used to have a checklist of these things..
1) FRIENDS series
2) The power of one (on film & book)
3) My Best friend's wedding
4) An oversized sweater
5) BLACK SKECHER SHOES <<-- yay dad said he wud give me money to buy new skl shoes.. i completely want those.. i found a pair that are like 109 bucks.. i shall find somewhere tt sells below 100.. itll be SO worth it.. except ill feel damn short after a whole day of wearing 'em..
6) a really huge jigsaw puzzle of like some artpiece.. or autumn leaves... :D

lalala..... feeling quite contented... :D

the weekend is drawing to a close.. sigh
frantically trying to search for a short n interesting newspaper article for GP.. but cant seem to find any..
hurray i finally sent my film for developing.. i shall get them tom and scan them in.. :D i hope they come out really pretty..

i wished that i was given this nice time frame to just stone.. call up a fren n talk for hours.. havent done tt in quite some time.. dun seem to have time anymore.. softball is taking up a hell of my time.. n im really not up for it anymore.. all the embarasssment.. all the waiting.. for nothing.. i wished we improved already.. certainly i dun see us as that bad.. its just tt the effort isntthere.. half the team doesnt turn up for trainings anymore.. and i suspect its not cos they cant make it.. ah forget abt softball for a while.

it really seem like outta sight outta mind.. but i really wanna talk again.. we never really did have long talks.. like face to face. the only times were when we walked home.. they were always nice.. :) hopefully the next time we meet will be a good one.. i dun want to just see from afar.. i like the company.. i do feel protected.. its been a long time.. i do miss it sometimes..

anyway.. at least if i get bored tom.. ill start rewriting my pantuns.. n ill get to see my bright spark.. :) so what if he knows? im thankful to have someone to make me smile.. to make me laugh.. i really enjoy times with sya ain n filza when we just start shrieking.. :D some pple say we're too loud.. but i think its just jealousy.. cos if ure not in it.. u simply dunno how much fun it is.. !!

oh yea i just watched the community shield.. oboy i sure wasnt shocked when arsenal lost.. my predictions are getting more accurate.. but then again its just me putting a low expectation so if im wrong, it wud be a nice surprise.. :D haha.. n ljungberg looks HOT with his new bald head. :D

oh gosh.. was gonna write out the lyrics of skin on skin tt zz sent to me.. but decided it was kinda >P(G) zz... what kinda songs are u listening to!? errrps

haveimorphedintosomescreamybimbowhofeelsweakinthekneeswheneverhewalkspast?

NOWAY!.. or rather i choose to believe i dun..

sigh

i guess its a spice in life.. :) a little something to cheer me up when the world looks bleak.. that little detail that makes me smile.. a sense of humour is essential to me.. w/o it.. w/o optimism. how could i ever wake up each day..? im thankful that i have a bright spark.. n yea.. so what if he knows he is my bright spark? he makes me smile.. his actions make me laugh..

so many things are hidden under fake smiles.. and 'im ok's.. and it really hurts to see a good fren hurt.. i am protective of frens.. i am what u might call a typical cancerian.. i am very influenced over by pple's thoughts.. but i dislike criticism of my frens.. i preferred if people knew each other a little bit better before passing off a comment.. i know im human and that i make similar mistakes of judging.. but im learning.. i learnt from that one horrible experience that makes me feel so bad.. i sometimes still live the consequence. but.. what im trying to say is.. when i see my frens down.. out.. sad.. hurt.. i wanna be there.. i wanna cheer them up again.. it feels good that my life doesnt feel as awful as it used to be.. and i know some pple are living thru what i used to go thru.. n i really hope they get past it.. i hope they find enlightenment.. :D we shudnt trouble ourselves too much.. why worry yrself? find your bright spark.. :) whatever it may be.. isnt it more worthwhile to be happy instead of focussing on the shit ?

yess!!! im so happy! i finally found a way to upload my imagesss!!!! :D
scroll down.. i shall upload lots more once i finish developing them which is pretty soon!!!! :D crap now i have to start mugging.. booo..

damn tired
all i wanna do is like sleep.. but i shall write a bit abt today
my crush has been revived.. :) was on a super high.. especially after winning 4 by 100m relays by like 30m!! :D i felt such a rush when i overtook the other person.. n yanling was like.. 'were u out to embarass the other facs?' hahaha..
then super high came from like gushing.. :D theres no use hiding anymore.. i mean like hello it was so freaking obvious.. esp when we went to take picture with him.. :D tankew sya tankew ain.. oh yea and i completely love sya's cam.. n nuries foto album its like so lovely! my goal is to be a little less conspicuous.. oh well.. i think he looked really cool today.. :) hehe everyone was like.. ive never known this side of ili before.. hahah pretty funny..
oh yea then we went off to watch lara croft.. quite cool.. but quite fake.. having ain next to u screaming is not good either.. quite funny having nuri getting revelations before she leaves.. like.. 'oh.. thats the istana??' and.. 'oh thats park mall!?' it was really hilarious how asilah kidnapped her.. :D
even tho i dunno her tt well.. i did have some nice times with her.. some fun joking ard having fun times.. :D n she's reallly a great gal.. ill definitely miss her. like during the singing of skl song n dedication.. there were tears.. and when her class sang.. it really tugged at my heart.. its sad... yet i think its cool that she will get to live a life that few get a chance to.. i think its gonna be an absolute dream.. i wish her all the best.. and all the fun happiness n that she learns a great deal.. i hope their sleepover will be damn fun n memorable. we shudnt be sad .. cos i think its really great to be going to somewhere foreign and learn as much as u can.. thats what i call living..

anyway.. now i have majorly lots of fotos.. and i just really think he is so cute.. even tho ivan tried to dissuade me.. oh well.. cant wait to develop my fotos!!!!


ILL MISS YOU NURIESYA!!! -SOB- ill try to pon skl on tt day to send u off.!! :D

p for perpetual
everything aches..
was having a headache after chem lect.. and i didnt have lunch..
but it felt good to just lie on the bench listening to music..

im tired.. of alot of things.. of him.. of myself.. of softball.. of studies.. i know i know thats where the 3 letters come in.. but hell.. not feeling great.. i dont need anyone.. yet the passion n longing runs deep.. perhaps some part of me is experiencing jealousy.. the green eyed monster ALWAYS got to me.. its awful.. terlalu mengikut perasaan.. but itll be great for someone to be there.. was sitting behind this couple in chem lect.. they were playing some game.. n the guy actually drew hearts.. it was sweet.. :) but he SINDIRED me before tt grrr!

i love making new frens all the time.. i love the way how even tho we dunno each other.. but have common frens n always seem to be around each other, we start saying hello to each other.. and start being frens.. its cool.. made quite a few of those kinda acquaintances here in comparison to in HC.. i cud really count the pple i knew there with my fingers.. n at most my toes.. (excluding classmates of cos) ooh reminds me of makeshift tennis/softball just now.. pwee joan renji azi dawn n me started playing in the netball courts.. :) quite fun.! its really quite funny to see renji n azi bat.. :) no follow thru.. n renji always has this dazed look on his face.. hmm i think he's grown so much since tt little green specs hurdler from RI.. haha and coach absolutely corrected me on my pitching.. wow -kao tao- its like.. my ball actually goes straight.. !! :) he picks out the mistake so quickly.. !! i love coach.. ! n i shud think other pple wud have come for training.. i mean hello i was the whiniest and dizziest person there.. but i still came! and we lost a million rubber balls.. not to mention found a rotting termite infested skl glove.. -oops-

hope tom will be fun.. :) i kinda miss running.. n im completely lowering my standards so i can have more 'frens' i may even come to accept imposter seeing how my -ex fren- is too skinny.. n sadderly has other interests..

think pple shud really learn to know someone before passing comments.. ok ok im prob guilty of tt too.. but haiz.. dunnolah.. its a human flaw i guess.

im glad i dun have to go for bio remedial.. thank god.. can u imagine.. i might have gotten into bio O in HC.. ironic! haha.. yay so tts only one remedial which i really really need anyway.. but it destroys my whole friday!.. -pout-

- tiada salam atau ucapan
tiada pesan dan ingatan
suasana penuh keriangan
ku teringat pada seseorang
di hari yang berbahgia ini
hatiku kosong dan sepi sekali
tiada bisikan lembut yang ku dengar
tetamu datang tetamu pergi
namun tak tiba orang ku nanti
hanya sepasang kurung yang biru
menjadi teman mengubat rinduku -

wowee.. unofficial meeting was so fun n fruitful!! i cant believe its almost done!! :D well sort of at least.. need to think thru more pantuns.. n i have gotta try to make them more meaningful.. i guess they are pretty shallow n as azi puts it 'pri skl-ish' but oh well.. it WAS written by mee.. waddya expect.. hello the person who gets like a C for GP.. B for English & Malay.. n if i ever did take lit.. prob F.. :) hehe.. but with all the entertainment stuff and the flow of the story esp the sadddd part!!.. with FINALLY a conflict.. i think its gonna turn out pretty good.. :) i love the programmes idea.. oooh it can come under comm service!!! haha..

but ive gotta finish a mountain of hw first.. which is PW GP maths.. bah.. i cant believe jon threw a tantrum on me.. idiot.. ask to do a little bit more also cannot.. its not like everything dued tom.. n hello its not like we cant do the survey.. hrmph shall not bitch abt him.. oklah scold me lah for not wanting to the econs BUT i contributed my share.. and i think its fair to ask him to do it..

anyway i stayed back in skl supposedly to train.. but only like what dawn n joan turned up.. i went at like 5++ anyway.. i just ended up watching floorball.. CPS is really good.. esp since all teh guys who took part for the skl IS in CPS.. n the top scorer summore.. too bad cudnt watch teh final match.. haiz.. tt wud have been nice..

tankew ain!!!!
however.. he looks pretty bad there.. but nvm we look fine.. haha..
i was left transportless in skl today.. mum smsed me in the middle of bio lect to tell me tt she had my EZLINK card.. n i was too lazy to go home by coins.. so i stoned n did minimal work in the canteen while waiting for them to pick me up.. was pretty nice to see pple play handball n softball.. tho the skills part are pretty boring.. i need a new fren!! ahh.. backup fren isnt even helping anymore.. god knows what is happenin at the other end.. n sept is still so far away.. nono.. id rather THAT be far away actualy.. stupid yanling!!!! u dun have to tell me abt how many days there are left to promos u knowwwwww... bah.. n pw is going down the drain.. hell its flushed down the toilet already

had a little talk with my sis.. n we were discussing abt pple complaining abt how 'fat' they are.. and how bad their hair is n etc.. she started laughing when i was consoling myself abt how i think im not fat.. n not like i have super pimply face with minimal care.. i mean im serious.. i dun think im fat.. if anyone thinks so.. i think ill cry.. or rather ill slap them! if im fat.. thin is like what.. renji!? oops.. sorry but tts just anorexia..

haiyo relays on friday.. dun wanna make a fool outta myself.. i wonder how slow i ahve become.. hmms i bet im going to do a 17s for my 100m.. my record breaking slowest ever.. i swear its highly possible.. haiya.. whatever.. at least i already played netball for the fac.. :) tt was fun..

procrastinate
oh well.. im too stoned to do anything.. theres only maths n malay anyway.. finished chem.. crap PW needs to be done

read sya's blog n agreed with her over some frens issues.. i used to give a damn what some pple thot.. what the class thot of me.. but now.. im ok with it.. i mean i know i dun exactly click with some pple in class.. n tts cos i dun exactly like them.. or rather just not my kinda pple.. as always personality clashes.. n sometimes they can be mean.. well its not like im a saint either but at least its not like i publicly make it known..

kau bukan kawan.. kau sepatutnya membuatku rasa lebih riang.. lebih bagus tentang diriku.. tapi kau menghampakan aku.. mengapa... setiap kali kau mengatakan sesuatu yg aku tidak ingin mendengar hatiku terguris.. kau tahu bagaimana aku rasa tentang itu.. tapi mengapa kau membuatku lebih kecewa! tak rasa betul untuk aku.. kalaupun ia benar.. tolonglah memberitahu aku dengan sedikit simpati.. sakit hati dibuatnya.. bukan hanya satu.. tapi dua..

if i were to be the pessimist sort.. today wud have been a real bad one.. so frustrated during the match.. too sick n tired of doing work.. too burnt out.. too irritated by some pple.. but surprisingly.. am not doing ttoo bad

determination

i was so full of determination just now.. but now all the spirit n passion has fizzled up.. i dunno why i was being so pissed after the game.. i wasnt actually angry at anything.. guess moodswings.. budden when pple started talking abt stuffs i just thot tt we talked too much and did too little n tt made me angry.. angry with the team n angry with myself.. i see all the mistakes we make and they are super basic.. its horrible! and i really wished the umpire had given us some sympathy.. ESP ME! wth i was save or issit safe ok!! idiot umpire.. -pout- i mean its not like i want them to be more lenient with me.. id rather they not.. but at the same time support us in a way tt will make us wanna play and not die of embarassment..

anyway.. yea i got pretty angry... so i drowned out all my miseries with really loud discman music.. which made me cry for no reason.. yet i was so full of determination to be better.. not only in softball.. but in my studies.. i really want tt scholarship.. i really want to be a good player.. but it fizzleddd.... ahh.. i need motivation.. n sleep... if just i cud do my work w/o trading in sleep.. i swear.. i am gonna get an S paper.. i promise.. and ill get out of chem R so that i can have my friday breaks.. !!!!!!!! n ill drop malay by the end of this year.. i WILL!!

hmms.. but i really love drowining out my miseries with music.. its even better when ure by the beach .. simply stoning.. loveliest feeling.. even if ure ina shitty mood..

dramafest

notbad!! and all my classmates were fantastic.. n super realistic.. :D yays!! so cute n bimbotic.. haha.. n daph so evvvviiiill.. hahaha i loved the ending for med.. its super cool.. the way they made use of the candles.. but i got a bit freaked by the darkness.. got like a bit of goosebumps on my neck! all in all i must say it was pretty good directing!! gd job! ooh i thot lynette was so cute acting as the bimbo..!! hehehhe

well the buildup to it was SO FUN!!!!!! :D filz n i were stoning at various places doing lots of nonsense.. like pranking n listening to my discman.. was completely laughing my head off!! AND -ahh-ing over the rxns.. they were like super cute!!!too bad didnt continue :( why so guai leh... but wowee i actually played netball!!! for my fac.. and WE WON!!! woohoo.. nicely.. we were trailing by 1 point when we joined.. and then we won 9-7 later.. is tt great or waht man.. but i was damn tired at the end of it.. cant believe ah.. only 10mins and i was abt to die.. hehe n yes guys are incapable of playing netball.. they are too rough.. well the guy guarding me stepped on my shoe lahh.. until it came off.. lousy poot.. it was interesting to guard a guy.. :D

last but not least... we had a pantun-ing cum stoning session.. i had a sudden surge of inspiration for a reply to ain's -for sya- pantun.. in like bio.. haha.. i like the way both pantuns incorporate the meanings of their names.. :D i hope out epic tale continues until we can make a productioN!!! if just we had enough people to act n cast n crew.. THEN we cud make it like merchant of venice and have MORE THAN ONE love story.. :D awww shucks... itll be wayyyyyyy cool if ain's pantuns actually do get read out in a play.. ahh.. feeling so tired.. i hope coach doesnt make me pitch tom... badbadbadbadbad.. n perhaps someone might return us our bat?? -wishful thinking-

wish me luck!