lets reflect upon the year..

i think as a whole i can safely conclude tt its been one of the best... :) i think ive made abt gazillion new frens esp pple LIKE...
mayi, qr, xingni(my darling dotter:), zz, pom, kenny, sharon, laoda, yanling, gill, jiahan, jon <---our pw grp roxx, joan, dawn, halima, filza, jiali.. and frens tt ive known for some time but within this yr got to know tonnes better.. like AIN, SYA, i dunnno how i wud have made thru w/o u guys.. an pple like stef, pui, hon, joon, em, kai, mag.. tinky! i really dunno what id do w/o these buncha frens.... *sobs* but yea i think i really appreciate ALL the friends ive made along the way..thanks guys.. including those during work ex.. it wudnt have been the same w/o their colourful nature.. :)

but i guess the person whose been there fer me thru n thru.. is YOU DEE.. thanks so much.. i cant believe we dont even exchange bday prezs.. or much gifts but they dont matter! youwere the first to call me on my bday! n tt was enough! :D been there thru my ups n downs.. i just hope ive been there for u as much.. luv ya gal.. its wonderful we gotten even closer now tt we're in diff skls.. yupsyups..

right.. tt was my tribute to my frens.. now.. the rest of the year..
stuff to be thankful for..
a new sport
2 awesome classes
motivation each day
the laughs tt were shared during mcs getaways, malay lessons, bamboo garden
the end of pw!
a not so stressful yr..
games..
cycling to sembawang park during the SARS period
botanic garden getaways during SARS period
new wardrobe from msia
lots of nice movies watched over the year.. (right.. i still hav ethose free movie tix.. step right up to bribe me u guys...)

mebbe life isnt too bad after all..
except.. can we not take As?????????????

yay finally developed my long overdue pix.. took a million years to scan them in.. and as usual am abandoning my chem.. yay

i shall just take my time to do the test... ill concentrate on the ones i know how to do! bleah.. go n die sg education system..

pout

i hate chem! bane bane bane of my life.. did i mention skl is too?? unlike ahem some pple hehe eyecandies can never make up for the bane of tuts and lects.. bleah..

n ains blog reminded me of sth.. if i ever fill up a form tt says race..
it will look like this:
1/32 - Jap
15/32 - javanese
1/2 - chinese

hehe.. yea just made a revelation tt i have jap blood.. how funky!

BACK

seems like nothing much has happened while i was away.. gd.. hehe

the first day was how eventful.. since chivalry is dead.. 2 guys in front of us were such jerks!! so while they were sleeping.. i hehe.. 'accidentally' dropped bits of -Mr Potato potato chips- on their heads.. hehe it was fuN! cant believe kak liyana wanted me to stop.. revenge is sweeett oh yea and on the way to the hotel, we had to walk past jalan lumut! hahaa... :D

did major shopping.. and after As planning. :) i cant wait!!! i might be going Perth alone! with my aunt and uncle tt is.. mebbe ill check out the unis there.. and i MIGHT go indo n visit my cousin too.. and i bought hair dye which hmm im gonna use after As.. kinda dumb come to think of it.. haha.. wonderful man! i bought a whole newwardrobe.. so happy...

oh and the bus journey back was at night.. so i got to see stars!!!!! lovely! and got to star gaze even more when kak n i were trying to coax novi down from our neighbour's roof.. i think it took abt 1 hr... !! and woke up our neoughbours.. from all her miaoing.. but boi do i miss her! wondeful to be back
thanks everybody for sending xmas wishes n cards.. really treasure them!!! :D nice surprise after stoning for 10 hrs.. heh..

ayyyyyy.. since i cant tag at ains blog...
is tt fir? why does he look.. so... hmmmmmmmmm....... n ure baju is really pretty in peenk! :D mebbe i shud have gone.. darnn

any ohow.. crap!! i forgot its yr bday.. i still dunno when btw.. pls dun kill me.. plsssss dun... i promise u sth from msia.. :D .... *scratches head* need some ideas..

aiyaiyai.. sya.. i seriously forbid u to show any more fotos!!!! even tho i may not be here for the next 4 days.. novi still is.. and she has sharper claws! ehhehe.. oh my.. this is so lame.. oh no if i actually said there isnt enough of him to go around.. it wud be literallly true! hehehehe.. okok.. shit damn lame.. must be from all the nervous energy i had from checking SATS results.. sucks man.. can i never do it again?? *mumble grumbles* i realise i still have like 1 yr ++ to take it another time.. so we will see.. haiz perhaps next next yr january.. hehe before i scoot off to indo to visit my cousin.. alone isnt tt wonderful? first time going on hols alone.. but stupid sis got to go to perth alone.. *curses... im always left out.. *mutters

anyhow.. take cares! pls dont watch this space.. :D

I DONT WANT TO RETAKE SATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

n yes pple.. results are out.. bleah

so much heartbreak.. and yet, outwardly, they all seemed so normal. how was that possible.. that your heart could break, shattered beyond repair and yet you went on.. you got up, you showered, you dressed, you went to bed, but inside a part of you had died. You went on living. you just did. you kept walking, talking , breathing but insdie everything was hurting

i actually convinced myself to grab a book to read.. its not bad so far.. well i had no other place to go considering i had to kill some time before i met meida n siti! :D ooh its fantastic meeting them again.. funfun.. the way we reminisciced abt the past.. and caught up with each others business.. and played ludo at mcs when we were actually drinking coke from long john silver.. (tt place shakes btw when the train passes bY!!!) and shopped.. i bought a tank top.. another lycra top.. but its nice and simple! ay was trying to convince myself not to buy.. after all waht is my msia trip foR!? hehe oh well fell into temptation.. these days ive been having bad self control.. my diet is failing.. oh well.. but yes ooh i love mootoo n seetee.. :) i love shopping with them.. hehe yay n mootoo took nice fotos.. :)

i don't wanna fall in love..
thnx sharon.. i put the lyrics
<<<---------- somewhere.. i love it.. :) ive been listening to it so much these past few nights tt im starting to get a wee bit sick of it but tts ok.. i wont play it anymore tonight.. back to my playlist..

cripes starting to get a scratchy throat..

yay i made quite a few new frens today.. haha sound like some idiot.. but nice what! had training with the rg gals.. and some ri boys.. boy do i feel pathetic! train until 2.. until out of breath and my whole lower body was aching like crazy.. yea yea in comparison to track training its prob not so much strenuous as it is draggy.. still.. im one unfit person.. kinda feel pathetic for hardly catching the flyballs.. so sad.. better clean my glove n boots!! my glove is getting terribly smoothhh.. :S sigh

im too lazy to go out jln rayaing tom so id prob stone at home.. woohoo.. :) today came home from training and slept for the rest of the afternoon.. gd also tt ain didnt come.. but i still wana watch ada apa dgn cinta again.. one fine day.. ! oh right i finally finished alkenes tut... well excluding the ones im dumbfounded at.. heh.. its a start to my holiday hw!! just bio n maths left.. blah

finally got my passport today.. i look horrible in it as per normal.. heh so waht.. i dont stare at my fotos!! all i do is just shove the thing into the customs person face.. oh right and i saw ahmad and zz.. recognised ahmad from his bushy hair.. haha.. it has certainly grown.. and he is so dark! ah.. too bad we aint friends.. wateva.. and right after tt bumped into zz and his twin.. was trying to figure out who was who.. well was in a hurry to get passport so didnt have time to chat a bit..

and had a pleasant afternoon spending time with dee. played abt 5 games of pool before we gave up hope.. just wasnt our day.. tho the 2nd game was good to me.. kept slicing all the balls in.. yay.. we shall call guys up to thrash them when we are having a good day right dee? :) n i think i saw an ex classmate there too.. he looks different.. selekeh.. odd considering he wore cologne in pri skl!!! and we just sat and talked.. funfun! and i kept burping banana!! heehe.. it was a good cup of coffee still.. bah my diet is not working.. we fell victim to famous amos cookies even! its alright.. they were yummy.. cookies are the best.. i actually prefer cookies to choc and sweets.. :) homemade esp rocks..

and went back to skl after tt to clear out my locker.. dun worry ain i left some coke stuff for u.. hehe and i think ill give u the Qoo watch.. its quite cute.. but i wud never be caught dead wearing it! i reached skl abt 6++pm & i swear there were only hmm 3 girls in the spex gal? it was so quietly eery! and pretty dark.. birds were chirping so eerily! haha interesting tho.. and someone sprayed a 'ghost' on the office door.. those kinda frosty thingies.. quite scary leh! haha apa nak buat.. penakut

been surrounded by kids these couple of days.. i really do love my niece and nephew.. the smartest kids i know.. with cool parents to boot.. but after babysitting them for less than 30mins i was gonna die already... kiki kept looking at my cat and then jumping onto the bed head on.. and then dessy followed suit.. it was a sooper adorable sight.. even after hmm 50 times? hehe no wonder most parents get dead after a while.. poor them..

but makes me want kids too! then i think abt how some pple's dreams are just to settle down.. have a family.. funnily enough.. i used to laugh at tt.. but now its what matters.. :) to me. sorrylah speaking only at 17 yrs old tt i want a family.. THATS kinda freaky.. but ya some day... :) i dont really feel like i want a career so much.. i dont want to work so hard man.. hehe.. slackings the best.. doing work at yr own pace.. too many times ive been trying to prove to other pple.. but i shudnt care a bit! so what .. why try to keep up to that expectation for the rest of yr life!?

ay.. just watched star wars.. it rox. :) cant wait to watch the 2nd & 3rd one.. why cant lucas remake the last 3..they are so freaking old!! and like helooo.. little teddy bears?? heez..

sleepy sleepy.. completed 1/2 of alkenes tut today.. waht a succes.s. hahaha..

back to diet of not eating!!

bah relatives said i was tembam..... *sulks*

oh right and we made a revelation tt all nursery rhymes have some kind of negative connotation and evil plot at the essence of it all!!

oh my issit supposed to be a warning of how their lives will turn otu!?

like helooooo i was singing row row row yr boat while taking out the bats.. and the last line goes.. life is but a dream.. how foreboding!! how can u be so pessimistic with kids!?!? i cant belive i never realised it before.. i just treated them as words.. rhymes with no meaning!! eerrps

lets see humpty dumpty (note hump & dump.. such OFF words!) was never put back tog again..
little bo peep lost her sheep!
london bridge keeps falling down!! like why!?
and my all time confused rhyme..
rock a by baby on the tree top
when the wind blows the cradle will rock
when the bow breaks the cradle will fall
down will come baby cradle and all..

like wth!? the person who wrote it must have been a parent who was impeccably sick of their kids crying..hahah

i think im getting sick.. so tireddddddd

was supposed to meet the rg gang for east outing but ditched the idea when i got stuck in RI pitching.. i didnt even take lunch!! was simply pitching until abt 230 and decided not to leave after all.. :) i practically pitched my arm off today.. yea suree duh the speed is how lousy and the accuracy is 1 strike in 5 pitches but it was fun!! tho i seriously need to rest alot before i continue pitching.. otherwise really go haywire.. plus we sorta played a mini game with the rg girls and ri boys.. errps they recognise me.. wow.. heheeh i had no inkling who they were.. interesting.. at least i didnt maluate myself too badly like i am gonna be doing this saturday.. die coach realises i can be backup pitcher.. :S welll all this training has to come towards sth rightttttt.. !!!! oh wells ended up leaving training at hmm 5? and went to bath at the super nice toilet :D i love the tiles.. i mean u can walk on them barefooted and bath w/o feeling incredibly icky like i always do.. hey if a toilet can meet my expectation.. tts really high considering how picky and fussy i aM!! hehe

yea kak lenny and family are coming from indo tom! :D we are gonna pick them up at the airport at 11pm! yay how fun!! and im supposed to pick up the cake so yea!! it means im going out to town tomorrow.. anybody wanna join me!?!?

eeks.. after a month of not thinking i cant even string a proper sentence tog! i mean i was trying to write the report for job shadowing and took like 15 mins to write 3 sentences of the introduction! ahhhhh.. can i just continue rotting fot the rest of my life?!

i have to write this down before i forget..

this is ultimate hilarity.. the gang just left.. its interesting tt i feel more close knit now tt we are in diff skls.. but i think its most prob i got to know sya n ain better too.. :D luv ya guys.. anyway.. ended up playing bunga api since i still have a pathetic few left at home.. from the last time.. its certainly more fun to play with a huge bunch of pple.. esp with ain screaming in takutness! heheheh it was really cute!!

im definitely coming on thursday.. however late or far it may be! :D and definitely going for the 15th dec thingy as well.. fantastic mann.. hehehe kinda missed sara's old antics.. her boy crazy ones as well.. heh thank you so much for updating on my fren tooo.. !!! not a fantastic tiem but hehehe.. wateva! he must eat! i wont let him shrivel to 1/3 my size esp since he is currently 1/2 :S shall spritually wish him to get better.. :) hehehe.. ahh im still kinda high.. lalalalala..

am kinda sleep deprived.. but happy..

chalet was prettty fun.. :) tho i ended up sleeping at 7am and waking up at 10am.. the bbq was an incredible success.. the best ive had!! kudos to dennis and those who did 'em.. and thankew so much for making everything edible for me.. how thotful.. these kinda things make me so pleased and thankful..

right then we went to stoning cum mahjong cum different card games mode.. i actually got a straight! or wassit a flush?? K Q J 10 9.. beats me.. damn fluke lor.. i thot it was fantastic tho.. cudnt exactly see the cards cos the steam from my cup noodles were fogging up my specs.. haha.. sounds so geeky..

but the best thing was tt we went out walking at some deserted part of changi.. at 5am in the morning.. it was very forested and it kinda freaked me out! stupid pom was trying to scare us.. stupid ys n zz were trying to tell us stories.. and in short stupid guys were trying to scare themselves silly.. quite amusing actually.. i loved how we spent abt an hour on the beach doing nothing but stoning staring out into the sea and the sky as we saw a million airplanes whizzing right above our heads.. i love the feeling of being right underneath it.. took fotos.. :) and when it was abt 640 liddat finally stood up, leaving my butt print on the sand to welcome the sun.. tho we cudnt actually see it.. *slaps head but i still adored how through the grey clouds you cud see the sky getting brighter.. u cud see the sides getting orange.. and i just LOVED staring out alone and reflecting.. putting some perspective.. motivation.. :) the wind.. the waves.. it was perfect.. except when it suddenly began to drizzle.. dotdotdot...

but yea tt night i still had a pretty nice time simply lying down at the playground starin at the moon and the stars ........ :) i cud have slept out in the playground all night! oh right and the afternoon before sitting out with qr by the breakwaters.. watching the sunset.. its EXACTLY what ive been wanting for the past dunno how many months.. and i really did like the fact tt it gave me a chance to kinda talk to the pple i didnt really know.. makes me feel more comfy and better..

today.. we took forever to peel ourselves out of the house to catch the bus to tanah merah to go to the airport for lunch... too bad didnt go ECP to cycle.. mebbe some other time for now.. prob catch up with sleep... and waiting for rg peeps to visit.. giving me time to blog.. :) wonderful.. tho getting sleepy.. *yawn*

thanks qianru.. thanks everybody.. it was certainly lovely.. :) tho EXPENSIVE.. grr.. i dont want to pay up...

ms world is like a complete setuP!!!!

and they dont even change outfits lah!!! and they have horrible boring costumes lorrrrrrrrr.. heez.. the winner looked like she expected it lor.. wth

cripes wat else did i wanna say???
hmms

liberated

yea S paper appeal granted! :D how nerve wrecking to be trying to find yr IC no. in the list..

SATS is a damn tiring exam!!!!!!!! i never want to take it again..

ms world is starting cant write much! haha

oh yea n no trainng on tues so i can stay at the chalet for as long as i want!!!!!! this is a pretty happy day!!!! except ..

lugubrious

whine.pouts.frowns

read ain's blog.. it seems tt holiday activities help u make new friends.

-screams-

such voidness the silence and loneliness is killing me..

pumping ard in a cushion so ill never get hurt

if puipui finds out im blogging now she'd prob slaughter me.. id get straight to SATS after thisd.. i promise!! im seriously gonna fail it.. can someone disguise as me pls n take it?..

anyhow just finished rebooting my comp 3 times.. bleah.. just ate lunch.. just walked back from mrt .. cudnt find any interesting vcds.. but yest and today was quite fruitful.. :D had pretty intensive SATS studying for hmm 3hrs? fine not tt long.. then took my time to meet dee.. for dinner at delifrance which i blew like how much mnoey.. for quiche and mango juice.. wth.. ripoff.. *note to self.. never eat at delifrance.. not only tt.. i was wearing the coke shirt and realised tt delifrance is like supplied by pepsi.. hehehehhee.. oops oh right walking ard from yishun to citylink in shorts and tshirt makes me feel really sloppy.. was realyl paranoid.. as if the whole world was looking at me wearing so sloppily.. and then we took forever to get to the ulufied place which didnt allow us to go to the beach after 7pm.. wth.. i reached there at like 9pM! so sad.. i wanted to sit by the beach and stone and talk.. but instead i had to do it by the pool instead.. mosquito infested pool tt is..

oh and yes and then we realised tt our batch is pretty pathetic.. oh WELLS. we had nothing to gossip lahhh.. haiz we have become so mellow with age.. :S
but yes my sec 4 jnrs rock.. :) it was nice to meet them again.. esp rosh n yilin.. hehe.. kit is how GIRLY n CHEERY.. its so.. not kit.. actually it is.. when she is high.. but she seemed to be perpetually high! nvmlah vv cute.. heehee

had 3 hrs of interrupted sleep in the end.. woke up the first time to sabrina taking off my glasses.. how odd.. then they started telling CRAPPY ghost stories.. like helloo.. how am i supposed to sleep and not hear them right? in the end had to move out and slept outside on the floor but it was still freakingly cold.. im bringing a sweater next time.. oh right tt was my first farewell party.. hehe

ooh this morning was quite nice.. had mcs breakfast at white sands n in the middle of it puipui called to ask if i was coming for training.. hehe.. in the end i like reached RI at 9.. and i thot coach was in a bad mood.. yups.. but ttraining was pretty fun as usuall.. ended at 130.. i really want to train for one whole day.. :D it wud be SO FUN! as in the playing part.. heehee.. was using the astroturf for pitching and fielding.. how fun.. and im apparently back to pitching.. yikes.. damn stressful.. i shud be backup backup backup if puipui is like really really REALLY ill kind heehee.. pls have a person with natural ability to pitch to come to rj plsplsplspslpslsplsplspslpsl..

now its back to sats.. booooooohoooooooo.. i hate u.. i dunon how to do the bloody thing lor.. like someone tell me the tactic leh.. help meeeee...

im all bummed out..

was looking forward to a week of havoc n fun..
turning into a week of rot... sobs
and just attempted a diagnostic test with mayi at bishan mcs this afternoon and realise im gonna fail sats..

boohoo...

someone give me a hug.. -pouts-

sorry mayi for complaining so much.....

sigh

just go away

Ella - retak
Berabad telah kita bercinta
Mengapa kini engkau berubah
Sedangkan aku masih kekal setia
Mengharap kasih menjadi bintang jiwa

Mana janjimu akan setia
Menyayangi ku siang malammu
Melindungi dari bara sengsara
Mempertahankan mahligai bersama

Kini tiada erti membenar janji
Janji manis mu dulu
Hingga jadi api membakar dada ini

Hati ini hancur dan luluh kerana mu
Hati ini hancur dan luluh kerana mu
Tergamak kau berpaling dan teguh memilih dia
Semenjak hatimu dicuri jelita

Hati ini hancur dan luluh kerana mu
Hati ini hancur dan luluh kerana mu
Seandainya ada lagi cinta di hati ini
Akan kubenamkan sepi hanya selamanya

Semalaman di cermin kenangan
Jari berdarah diretak setia
Menanggung luka di sebalik senyuman
Hanya kerana aku seorang wanita

Lemah dunia halanya
Hati kecewa dengan janji manismu
Kini jadi api membakar dada ini

omg cud someone pls help me with gunbound before i delete the whole thing altogether!!

kepalaku bingung runsing
cintatu bukan satu permainan tapi ia mempermainkan kita
kini masih bukan nasibku
namun selalu dilamunkan fikiran dan imaginasi
aku sememangnya apa yg dikatakan dlm tafsiran2
tapi aku benci perangaiku ini
menjadi serik
mengejar suatu impian yg susah dicapai
kehidupan ini semakin susah
bila dilihat apa yg harus kami lakukan
sudah tentu boleh pengsan
tetapi jika diambil sehari demi sehari
tidak rasa begitu susah
tidak terasa keberatan sangat
sebagai manusia kami merancang
namun sandiwara masa depan tidak mungkin setepat rancangan
sudah terlalu lama ku begini
satu hari nanti suatu rancanganku akan dikabulkan
tapi pada hari ini & lain,
aku sendiri yg mesti berusaha
aku sendiri yg berupaya membuat pilihan utk gembira

aku tidak ingin bingung lagi
semua kamu hanya suatu khayalan..
suatu bisikan
sehingga...

ada apa dengan cinta

it shall go down as one of my fav movies!!!! :) oh it roxx.. its more realistic than any lovey dovey shows eva... hehee.. i love all the puisi n her singing.. n the arguing n the soundtrack.. ahh.. lovely..

like a million pple came over.. quite cool.. but too sian to entertain..

odd thot i had lots to write abt.. apparently not

oooooooooh everything is aching..

but i wanted to write a complaining entry....

urhhhhhh.. such a bitch! how can such a fake like tt have frens huh.. cant anyone look past her freaking fakeness?? or are the rest of them fake too.. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bahbahbahbahbah.. ok fine its not my problem but i didnt like her from the beginning.. and i still dont.. and therefore pple like tt deserve to suffer! bleah.. hehe as if right.. well duh im sure u wudnt want a person u hate to have all the luxuries in the world right? but the world is unfair.. whine whine whine....

go n die u cantankerous abhorrent abominable incorrigible bitch.. (thnx huileng for all the vocab:)

breathe in... breathe outt... lalala.. should learn not to care abt such asses..

i felt like i was trying to run after the moon

had training in the morning.. not bad lah.. didnt do too much more errors than usual.. coach was suanning lah for not coming so long.. oh well.. i think everyone there improved.. tho it was a pretty pathetic turnup.. haiz. oh n tried pitching again.. so fun! :) as usual hurdles and pitching shud only be done in leisure.. the stress of it all.. and pushing yrself to the limit makes it horrible.. stamina is really off.. was hyperventilating in the middle of coach's reflex training.. and it was how slow.. bah..

ay rereading abt softball stuff can be quite boring so ill stop there..

then family came with my baju kurung.. peenk.. omg so maluated.. was bathing in skl.. and came out trying the most inconspicuous way.. but oh well.. everyone saw.. so hehe.. wah went visiting to like 7 houses.. but dont mind going somemore.. at least we are staying home tomorrow.!! :D i technically only have abt 3.5 days left to study for SATS.. die... better start tryng the sample papers soon.. :S i thot today was a very fruitful day.. got to know much more pple! :)

and i have a 2nd cousin who looks like aaron aziz.. ;) haha he has always been cute since a lil boy.. then got to know the family with the 4 daughters.. and realised 3 of them are older than me.. and quite nice. hehe.. just not comfortable talking with yet.. and with another family whose mom was apparently a DJ and emcee for old shows.. she is how hilariious! so cute.. give us so much food.. kaoz. im bloated.. and the last house tt i went to.. was really fun.. :) there was the malay music awards on which was pretty nice cos of ALL the lovely songs.. and pple.. and had a pretty good chat with the pple there which i dont usually talk to.. yay getting older and being able to talk to more pple is good..

cant wait to start on the family tree which only consists of my dad's mom's side.. its how beeeeg.. got all my great grandparents siblings also tt i havent met before.. aiyoo.. pple with much knowledge of webpages do help me.. im gonna make it on the webby so can ask all my relatives to edit and and add foto.. :) itll be a family version of frenster.. isnt tt cool? someone pls come up with it and pay me for the idea..!!! ;)

oh and at our 6th house started watching the Sg myanmar match.. kaoz Sg SUCKSSSSS.. i wonder if our jc teams are better.. i bet mjc will be better.. it was like 100% Sg attack for the last 20mins and all KELONG one.. damn kaki bangku.. damn kek mann watch.. how lousy.. if u are a better.. u definitely know who will win one.. i bet sg losees all their matches at the rate they play.. konon2 leh masuk semifinal ... my foot!

gunbound is killing my comp btw.. and i cant even start the bloody thing.. screw u!

on another note.. felt moody and strange in the car ride home.. was staring at the moon.. thinking.. but having such a cluttered mind cudnt direct it onto anything.. as my dad was trying to get revenge on some taxi driver on the highway.. with the car sort of flying ard.. it felt like i was chasing the moon.. like in my life im trying to reach for sth tt i cannot achieve.. sth outta reach..

n sth else tt afternoon too felt so fated.. or pure coincidence hhee.. im sure no one understands me.. dont intend for anyone to understand it either.. crap.. i lost my train of thot.. i cant wait for the chalet.. to just be ard gd frens and pour yr heart out.. under the stars.. :) no sleeping allowed.. even tho got training next day.. :S

lastday

approved... hahhaha

wateva..... hahaaha..

oh man today is how oddddd.. smuggled out so many things lor.. i feel quite horrible.. for like not doing much.. n only gave them hari raya cookies.. darn.. haiz.

then went off to play pool.. im how horrible!! bleah.. nvm practise for future :) haha.. can i adopt derek as my mentor in addition to dee?? :) we shud all go out tog again like this.. how fun! just occurred to me.. all the Ds are pretty zai at pool.. oklah but victor the best..

the train ride home was pretty amusing.. some woman was talking so loudly to her kids.. so sternly summore.. abt jc lah.. abt rjlah.. abt how many nygh girls there lah quote 'sherry is there.. and the girl who lost alot of weight tt one? the one u were jogging with tt day?'sheesh.. talk abt prom lah and dunno what also lah.. quote 'i let u go out today? and u....' blablablbalblabalbaba.. bleah.. but it sounded as if the kid had a bf.. but the mum like so stern liddat.. so scary.. what a horrible mummy.. omg.. im 1/9th way thru dlding gunbound.. yea im tt bored...

got training tom.. shud start getting back on form..

ili learnt lots of things today

wowwee job shadowing really picked up! ok fine all i did was roll a million gazillion wrapping paper.. and then went out in a coke car.. :) haha.. oh right must rem to bring camera tomorrow and take pix like tourist liddat hahaha.. but i really did learn alot.. christina is the most interesting insightful person ever! i love pple who doesnt stick by the rules! she really gave perspective in many things.. in career.. in skl.. in sales.. wow.. and lunch with the 3 adults really sort of made me think abt how bad the Sg edu system is.. how rigorous it is and how i am barely surviving.. i am seriously doubting my consciousness next year! right back to her input.. she was talking abt like sincerity of pushing up sales for their customers and not pure persuasion to buy their goods.. and the stuff abt the fast moving consumer products etc.. made so much sense! n how she wsa fooling ard in skl.. but she is street smart so she is like surviving now.. makes u wonder abt ure future doesnt it?

yups everyone today was doing sth..

oh right i learnt even more things when i got home and started watching national geographic and animal planet.. on how animals get HIGH! it was soo eerie watching the leema bite the millipede a bit so it will give out chemicals tt are toxic to rub agst the leema's fur so tt it will prevent mites n insects from breeding.. but at the same time the leema got so HIGH! and then the tiger also was licking some leaf and starting lying on its back looking up looking so dazed.. apparently the leaf had some kind of hallucinogenic subs! wahpiang.. and then there was another thing abt saving the penguins cos of the oil spill.. it was so heart warming!! i felt like i wanted to be part of it!! i shud just migrate and just go help out clear some part of the earth.. ahh..

i know i learnt more things today buti kinda forgot.. oh right before i had work to do.. i was dying from all the anguish ain caused me.. nearly screamed the office down!!!!! but they are seriously lucky! sighhhhhhhhh.. its okkk.. its okkkkkkkkk.. tomorrow will be a fun day i hope.. we must all go out together! :D shud i bring a big bag tomororw for premiums?? heheheh

Personality: People find it easy to talk to you because you're a friendly person. You should watch out for your drastic mood swings because you may be accused of having a split personality. That makes you a very emotional personal who can't hide her feelings in front of public.

Love Tendency: First love=Marriage. That's your outlook on romantic relationships. Don't be frightened, you will have boyfriends but somehow that one person will always pop into your head again. You tend to be quiet and shy around a man you have feelings for. That's why you would never reveal that fact until he approaches you.

Life: Your joy around your friends and family is visible because it is at those events when you glow and brighten up. Make sure that you learn how to monitor your cash flow because that might get you into trouble. It's easy for you to have money in your hands but it goes right out of them if don't control it

another hari raya come n gone

i think each yr's hari raya gets better and better.. tho more tiring.. i think we are all getting old.. :S hehe. we cudnt muster the energy to go to all the houses we normally go to.. i ate alot today.. must have gained back everything i lost... eeks. time to go into major exercising mode.. (ya right) more of like slack + binge during work/chalet/hols.. haha i love chicken curry.. yumyum.. and sambal sotong...

right went to my fav neneks house... (nobody will want to know how my family tree works.. its too complicated.. even for me) and saw luigi again.. tt fat 10kg cat.. i swear he is twice of novi +++ ... tried carrying him.. whoa.. its like carrying dumbell.. but i want novi to be fat tooooooooooo!! heez.. oh then went to my other hmm datoks house aka mak cik aliya's but too bad cudnt drop by sya's house! was so near.. but too late to drop by..

oh yes.. my nail finally cracked.. was knocking my toe against the table and it came off.. :S now i can see the blood clot inside.. 1.2.3 *puke* haha..

does anybody wanna give me chem tuitioN?

ah!

i realised one calf is bigger than the other.. :S how odd!!!!

oh well this yr preparations have been really early so this is the first time we cud actually watch salam lebaran w/o doing sth at the same time haha.. the show wasnt too bad.. at least i didnt doze off like the last few times.. but my fav one is still the one with the baju jolok jolok.. :) which im sure no one else rems..

wonder if this yrs hari raya will be better.. normally i hardly talk when visiting.. i mean we've got like nothing much in common plus the huge age gaps.. im the youngest girl cousin on my dad's side.. and i just dont seem to click with any of my cousins.. how sad.. hmms tts why hari raya can get quite boring each time.. but shud be more on this time.. was looking thru some old pics and realise we haevnt had any recent hari raya fotos.. and the one tt we took had me with some horrible haircut or looking damn sian or both! bah.. so yes.. i still have 30 more shots on my cam for hari raya with family.. chalet.. amir's get-tog thingy.. another chalet.. mebbe jalan raya with frens.. if tt ever materializes considering i cant make it for the rg one.. hmm and mebbe a trip to KL for shopping.. :D yay..

oh right was reading the paper today.. what is pple and their obsessions abt skls and their stigma? heez.. and the artist got the MG uni wrong.. obviously each skl is gonna have some of every kind right!? and dawn's blog abt her neighbours thinking all rg students are stuckup.. like wth.. sterotyping.. unavoidable it seems.. guilty until proven innocent.. yadda yadda whatever..

selamat hari raya.. :) Semoga dirahmati Allah.. Semoga kami sememangnya merayakan kemenangan dan bukan sekadar gembira kerana hari raya..
seorang manusia memang banyak dosa dosanya.. kumemohan maaf jika terlanjur kata.. Semoga kami semua menjadi insan yg lebih beriman dan sensitif..

selamat hari raya

just finished weaving ketupats.. another yr of ketupats gone by.. i kinda look forward to making 'em and eating 'em each yr.. oh well.. the house is now very bright and colourful thnx to my choice of rug.. :) i think the living room is finally very comfy.. yay..

hmms was reading a horoscope characteristics thing a while ago.. cancerians.. always the same kinda report.. always so negative.. bleah. clingy.. possesive lah.. moodswingy lah.. what to do.. the positive points also sound negative.. how horrible to be cancerian.. well of coz i dont believe in them except there is some truth in it.. or mebbe its the many yrs of influence.. hehz.. sometimes its just better to retreat back into my shell and care abt me me n me.. :p wateva..

sometimes i think im the only one
whose day turned out unlike it had begun
and i feel barenaked and i just cant take it
im getting jaded no i just can't fake it anymore
cos im barenaked
life's what u make it
wish i could float away to some other day

i know its hard to hold it inside
its days like this i run and hide
when i feel barenaked....

its all a state of mind but i dont mind
trying to find a way to keep my head above the mess i made
what the world creates
sometimes it just feels good
to let it all fall let it fall hear me fall
but then the world comes tumbling down down down

world cup ends + i have super long weekend

what a nail biting match.. with a sad ending.. all blacks deserve to win overall.. bah.. haha.. ive been converted to NZ.. oh well who doesnt love them.. but england and their forever cheap shots.. how unfair.. :S wateva man gregan rocks..

anyway.. this morning woke up with a tummy ache.. so skipped training.. ay.. but still had to go to skl to hand in appeal.. haiya.. but in the end went to causeway pt and did some shopping.. :) yay i have new slippers already how maluating to have broken my slippers there.. -red- but i met MEIDA! ooh how i missed her.. nvm at least will most prob meet her during track chalet.. :) her As are over and she accompanied me until my sis came with my shoes.. hehe..

Friday was the most busy work day so far.. photocopied stuff.. packed.. and called pple.. or rather helped victor take down orders cos i hate talking to pple.. calling up places is quite hilarious.. esp junwan's huilengs n jo's survey.. poor derek and siewling for getting slammed down so many times.. patpat.. hah retribution for going out so much :p

right and in the bus they started talking abt cars.. tho i dunno much its damn cool to hear them talk abt it.. at least can learn new things.. im just amazed at how much jo knows.... ahh.. cant believe clara is gonna get a convertible.. tho i wudnt wanna sit in a pink car with red leather seats.. :S hahah.. but hey.. i do appreciate cars..:) and when they say theres no use buying a convertible in Sg.. not exactly true.. cos was on the way home and we passed some deserted part of Sg.. u cud just whizzz past if yr car was damn power! :)

hmms overall i need more sleepp.. i saw my eyes in the morning and i have eyebags.. wth! from slacking at work?? ya right.. sleep is gd.. its the best thing in the world.. my ultimate fav pasttime.. ahhh.. feels so goooood.. no one is allowed to wake me up tomorrow and the days until thursday... heheh

hmms constructor workers came today to fix the gate.. its really pretty i think.. bronze and black .. its immense size makes our house look so big and grand.. :) very pretty actualyl esp the small gate tt my sis designed.. with my helP!! haha.. not much tho.. dunno why mum and sis were complaining it was too big.. tho it is very high.. i think its twice the height of mum. hehehe.. oh n normally novi can walk across the gate cos its even.. but now its sloping upwards with some design sticking out i was wondering how she would walk on the fence now.. so i thot she cant .. in the end my dad was like 'ILI! look at the cat!' and she just finished climbing the whole fence.. wth! haha.. so cute.. this must be really boring.. but who cares.. hahaha

lalala. made 2 more kuihs today.. the ultra express mix everything together and put in cups and fridge and pack one.. and the pistachio cookie.. the burnt pistachio cookies taste really good.. :) i think im gonna finish all the kuih before pple get here.. heheh..

arsenal's playing in abt 40mins time! :) yea!

delightful

yeaaaaaa.. just watched the rugby match.. NZ vs France.. ALL BLACKS ROCK! :D ooh im starting to love rugby more than football or any other sport for tt matter.. ahh carlos spencer is how cooll.. :D look at his hair! look at his physique! BUT most importantly.. look at how zai he is! blind pass.. play maker.. kaoz.. why didnt he play tt well agst AUS? bleagh.. they shud replay the aus nz match.. england sucks.. stupid wilkinson and his stupid cheap goals.. and danny is playing his positioN!? how cool.. shud watch out for him next yr.. :) im definitely attending all rugby matches next yr!! ahh i love watching tries..

oks.. lets see.. my no slacking plan didnt work.. my studying chem didnt work and my lets help out pple didnt exactly work.. cos was very sian and very dead and there was no work to do in the 1st place! at least we were quieter today.. heh.. got quite pissed after a while cos i felt so cheated! hrmph.. eeyer.. i better have more work tom.. otherwise ill die of boredom.. OMG.. this cud actually surpass the level of boredom tt i endured on the 1st 3 days of HC.. like academic orientation?? yaright.. urgh.. shucks have to write a letter to take leave.. why so mahfan!?!? bleah..

let me go figure out the format of a letter..

feeeling awful

aaaaaaahh no more slacking tom onwards.. nonono.. no more playing.. no more .. feeling so guilty.. :S.. and i dont mean at home.. sigh.. but stilll..

aku masih mempunyai motivasi..
sth is abrewing.. but im loving it.. -bleagh mcs cliche-
hehe

but yes tom shall be super sorting out and helping out and apologising and doing chem day!!

must stay optimistic!

pls dont complain!!

coke

feeling awfully sleepy
today was pretty slack but hopefully the pple there dont complain abt us.. since we were like joking ard for the whole of the afternoon.. my mentor rocks!! tho of coz she left for bangkok leaving us with a week of thinking of promotions.. and straw packing.. pretty cool actually.. :) but its really out of the way.. need to find a better way to get there and back from tom onwards.. took lik 1.5hrs to get back home.. bleah.. so winding one the route.. other than tt.. didnt do much.. just slacked .. walked and sorted out F&N's competitors with victor..

being there is pretty fun.. but the travelling part pretty much sucks.. i need my CDS.. and my SATS book.. oh yea and msged mr kan today.. still wondering what his sms meant.. falala.. hopefully he doesnt forget to inform me.. i dont want to do chem! oh yeeeaaaa.. most importantly.. job shadowing has been cut down to 2 weeks!! alrightttt ahh too bad still cant make it for OBS.. otherwise id seriously be jam packed and my SATS will die..

shall pay sleep debt now.. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

ay.. im never gonna finish all my work.. :S

its ok .. breath in.. breath out..

yay finally finished making kuih raya.. mom woke me up at 9am complaining tt no one was helping her..we made one which im too scared to try.. it has ingredients like paprikah.. which i dunno what tt is.. which STINKS.. n curry powder!?!? n peanut butter.. n cheese.. n cornflakes.. i have a sinking feeling this was a combi of like 2 meals.. u know like rachel's pudding thingy in FRIENDS.. n dad says it tastes like ginger biscuit.. blearhghghgh.. *coff*

sheeeeesh.. i feel like painting again.. but hmms mebbe ill do chem instead.. -cries-

hopefully job shadowing will go on smoothly.. with LOTS OF PERKS.. doubtful tho.. itll be great if our supervisor was damn fun.. hehe.. and the pple ard me of coz.. at least i have some pple i know like joon n iwan.. but none in my department tho.. sad.. mebbe we can take breaks and go study SATS.. urgg im sounding like such a mugger..

i want more paint! -whines- ill love transforming my roommm.. !!

ah..
id be lying if i said i wasnt disappointed.. mebbe i shud have put maths first before econs.. what a dumbo.. but nvm.. just have to figure out how to appeal.. with hopes itll get accepted..

anyway.. i painted my room ... :) or rather i sponged it haha.. finally bought paint and decided to use all the prints like paw prints.. flower.. swirlies and hearts to print all ard my room.. and even repainted my bookshelf peenk.. haaha.. it really brighten up my day.. but i shud have done it before joon told me abt the results.. bah..

ooh todays flag day was hmm memorable?? ok so far all my flag days have had their own memories.. with the first one being horrible.. 2nd being heavy.. and this tme the third.. rather slack and amusing.. some jap tourists donated like a dollar.. and they said 'oh i dunno how much tt is worth!' and 'can we take foto with u?' i was very.. ahemmmmmmmmm??? oh and then some middle aged guy who was like half ang moh half chinese in a suit came to donate and was joking abt how the hole was too small.. and said i had a nice dimple.. ooh.. hahaha. u can see me grin now cant you? what to do .. praises are really nice.. :D they rawk! yups and then went to library to stone.. listened to robbie williams LIVE oh he rawks! and his song 'and ive got too much love running thru my veins.. ' is still in my head.. was stupid to not realise it sooner.. listened to BLUE and ATOMIC KITTEN before tt which sucks..

oh yea then watched RUGBY! ooh its much more exciting than soccer.. yet i still nearlyl fell asleep at how NZ was playing!! how can they be so baddddddd!?!?!? Carlos Spencer is really cool!! so is GEorge Gregan..!! :D but ya was quite a disappointing match when it was supposedly the toughest matchup.. perhaps tom's match will be more interesting.. heh finally a sport tt i love n my dad hates.. odd tt he doesnt like rugby.. its how great! haha.. except i dunno when scrums take place..

BTW DOES ANYONE HAVE MR KAN'S EMAIL?

bogged

everyone thinks tt they are such failures..
whats wrong with us?
whats up with this screwed screwed world..

anyway.. i feel like heading towards the beach tomorrow.. the nearest one of cos.. wonder if my bike is still usable.. was sitting at jurong waiting for the train to come.. the wind was blowing so serenely.. with 'time after time' playing on my discman.. it felt great.. it felt like i was alone with the world with no worries.. rediscovering the beauty of it all.. rediscovering my fav element.. and how a good book a good view and a great atmosphere can do u some good..

was reading past entries...
reliving past emotions and memories..
hmmmmmmms..

brushed up abit on mahjong n bridge today.. but msotly watched shaolin soccer..never watched it completely before.. quite funny.. but had to crank my neck cos i had a horrible seat with my back to the tv.. i need to brush up on reading numbers.. wheres tt list.. hehe..

hmms to those who are so bogged up with life.. take a break.. and just unwind.. whats there to be so fed up abt?
sometimes.. being alone is a good thing..

reinventing

i find the urge to.. im incomplete.. and in disarray.. i want to start all over again.. scrap tt.. i just want the beginning.. and then.. skip the rest..

anyway.. today was very tiring.. PW is finally done .. :) and then went over to IKEA and geylang for mass shopping.. its really fun to see ain at such stores.. with all her dreams..

speaking of dreams.. i just seem to get so disheartened these days.. not to mention dizzy enough to puke..

someone find me pls.

and right i seem to know the schedule for the past 3 days.. thanks guys.. wonder how long this will keep up.. im feeling so down.. i dont even feel like going ken's house anymore.. urh.. so fed up.. i feel.. so imposing.. sooooo overbearing.. sooooooooo like oh right i wanted this and ill whine if i dont get it and pple will give in to me.. and etc.. urhhhh i know ill feel quite terrible if they didnt.. but at least its the truth.. and ill get over it.. THATS precisely what reinvention is for..

mebbe ill just scoot over to the beach then..

shopping was quite a success :) happy day no more trainings this week.. oh right i felt so tired and weak with all the moving in the car i felt like puking.. was collapsing all over the bed and table.. but nvm.. got what i needed... this time we shopped so extensively.. we were still in wisma after abt 2 hours of shopping.. how wonderful.. haha..

don't frown, you never know who is falling in love with your smile

heez my stamina is definitely down the drain.. i spent 10mins lying on the bed contemplating between playing lf2 or clearing my room.. i decided on the latter and just after an hour i died.. am so tired!! i only cleared my table and filed up chem notes before i admitted defeat and dumped the rest of the notes onto the shelves again.. slightly more neatly this time.. have to conserve my energy for shopping later.. :D tho i think dee still isnt awake considering she hasnt replied my sms.. will not go out of the house until she smses me.. hah

mebbe i shud continue to sleep... *yawn*

i curse smokers to the bottom of bottom of hell..

blearghhhhhh.. this guy sat next to me in the train and i was completely choked.. i wonder if he realised i was gagging.. tempted to move away except it was only afew stops left.. STILL i could taste tar in my saliva.. bleaghhh i mean can u imagine those kind of gas bombs they use in wars? chemical warfare tt makes u foam and salivate so u choke in yr own mucous? yaaa i was half way there already... not kidding..

last meeting for PW woohoozz. :D played little fighter with jon chen n yanling.. haha.. i am really badddd.. oh wells.. and then watched rugby.. how fun.. :) i cant wait for thursday.. training had better not be killer or in the afternoon.. Ill cry! oklah i wont but itll be so wasted..

these days have been full of only 3 things.. going out.. napping.. either staring at SAT word list or worrying abt chem.. yups.. i think im gonna die for SATS.. im how lousy and prob cant do the mcqs in the time limit.. its soo fast.. 30mins? and so few questions but so many marks?? so scary! i do wonder if i saw the right format.. how come i never recall going for any SAT briefing.. heez..

shopping tomorrow.. hopefully i can get everything i need.. especially shoes.. stupid slippery slippers made me look REALLY stupid at the lrt just now.. attempted to walk really slowly along the slippery floor but i slipped and tried to regain my balance.. i saw my right leg go up really high! and i like grabbed the bushes beside me.. right in front of some guy ahh.. damn malu!!!!!! sooo paiseh.. was laughing really awfully after tt.. sigh what a traumatic experience!! heart skipped many beats.. sheesh..

now to do some minor pw thingies.. sigh..

sleeping is the best form of relaxation i can get these days.. im like 1000xx more wound up now.. i just refused to think abt anything so i spent the time sleeping for 4 ++ hours this afternoon.. and i intend to sleep some more tonight.. im so caught up in what i aim to achieve tt im building up so much fear inside.. the fear of failure.. I know ill get thru this.. but will i come out exhausted and falling down.. or exhausted yet successful? but yea i guess in the end ill still be exhausted.. but i dont want to let anyone down..

Isnt it unfair how our future is determined by just a few bunch of pple? Like teachers for example.. and bosses.. I mean if the teacher just plains hate you then what are you to do? and biasness.. prejudices.. sigh.. Its so hard to get by life trying to do the right thing.. and if you sth wrong.. if u slip up just once.. ure reprimanded? wheres the justice in tt? Im seriously losing all hope in life.. theres no use trying to please pple.. trying to do sth for the good of everyone.. so what? im selfish! and it seems that every reason i have to go overseas seems so shallow.. and without basis.. Its almost impossible to get a scholarship out of here.. I just dont want to stay here.. I dont know why.. All the buildup and everything.. the need to excel in everything.. it just burns me out.. like hello our PEARLS system.. how can anyone get an A?? ok so it doesnt really affect the uni entrance since everyone gets a C anyway.. but if we're trying to aim to reach that A standard.. it is just plain inhuman.. To expect someone to excel in every area.. youre just asking too much.. I dont want to work hard.. I just want to do what i can at a relaxed pace cos i dont want to slog THAT hard all my life.. Can't aperson experience wealth and non-slogging at the same time? my far-fetched dream of reaching tai-tainess.. heh.. its so spastic how they say u shud stretch yrself and reach yr full potential cos .. i would never be able to last.. Can anyone???

Holidays are supposed to be a time with no deadlines.. no worries.. relaxation.. Chem is just boggling me.. and every other subject is at the edge of my thoughts.. I'm never gonna last next yr.. and if i don't do well teachers will be after me.. i will be after me.. hrmph.

I need tt chalet time ... to just have PURE FUN.. sigh..

forgot to add this:
we drew stick figures.. :D and spiky hair.. and lofty hair and curly hair.. and very many appropriate sports equipments at carrefour toys section.. :D

and i want to buy a tankini!

and i won at trucks!

malays are tomm.. :(

aku rela hidup denganmu
demi bahagia hanya TUhan memisahkan kita
untuk mempersembah sayang padamu
keharuman bunga tak seharumnya cintaku
istimewa untuk sunting jiwamu
berulang pandang pertama kau utuskan senyum mesra
aku ingin seribu tahun lagi bersama mu
kubinakanmu istana
dengan niat suci kaulah permaisuri
sambutlah cinta abadi
manisnya asmara kekal selamanya

pergilah kekasih dari dirinya
jangan kembali pada diriku
sesungguh kita terpaksa berpisah
namun kau tetap diingatkan
lupakan aku buat selamanya
dan anggaplah diriku tiada
walaupun kita sudah berpisah kau tetap kucinta

dah lama ku tanam kasih mengapa orang tak setia
sebelah sebelah sayang pastikan bersemi jua
dugaan pastikan mendatang
walaupun bukan diundang hilang lah nikmatnya bercinta
itu mainan bercinta
rayu merayu mujuk memujuk
tidak aku hidup melara
saling percaya saling mengerti
hingga hilang cemburu buta
usah perasankan hilangkan rajuk moga tercapai saat bahagia
akan ku cuba hidup bahagia
akan kutempuh lumrahnya bercinta

hah.. dont get me wrong.. its the only new malay songs ive got.. and i cant figure out half of the lyrics..

phooey today was how tiring.. got stuck in spotlight and carrefour for how long.. but definitely going back carrefoure to do lots of shopping.. :D its really hilarious when ain goes on a shopping spree and gets paranoid.. haha.. and you can like watch dvds and vcds at carrefoure how cool is tt?? was watching snippets of the lion king and 2fast2furious.. really cool.. :D i loved the lion king.. stupid sis recorded sth over my tape.. i was so in love with it i had like the book and the tape.. and i cud like recite the script when nala and simba were arguing.. come to think of it .. i think i still can haha.. fun fun!.. but id rather watch simba's pride instead.. waitwait.. lemme try rem cikgu's fav peribahasa, kalau hendak melentur buluh biar dari rebungnya.. oh ok tts it.. i think.. ngantuk.. i wanna be like sleeping beauty and sleep forever and wake up to find my prince.. wahhaa.. ok stupid fairy tales from mld meeting are haunting me.. oh yea i had some idea.. but it felt really dumb.. and i cant rem.. sth like a modern day aladdin cum bedazzled.. yet to think thru.. ay better read some compos.. *yawn*

spoiltbrat -- inspiration from dee

Stars gleamed across the sky as she headed out
its been awhile since she saw orion's belt
pretty.. quiet.. serene..
Settling down.. Blasting.. Walking briskly without knowledge of time
Manages to catch the train as it enters the station just as she arrives at the platform
Settles down comfortably
Waits patiently for
the sunrise
the destination in mind
Silenced by another
Mutters and curses to herself
Fiddles with her phone as she proudly claims her maiden trip
Reaches MUCH too early for the following train
While her friend was probably still very much on the other side of the world
Watches the sky turn colour
black. navy. blue. pink. orange. white
Felt as if the world just woke up
Misses the first train
Glances at her watch many a time
Hesitant as the next train rolls in
Finally reaches her destination
Strolls leisurely through homes... past many sleepy eyes
Soaks in the atmosphere.. the music
Her friend was right
Finally at the end of her journey
Though her first encounters are not to her liking and preference
She smiles as she sees familiar faces at a familiar place
For the first time that day did she finally feel real.. awake..
And the day begins..



lalala.. I know its boring and vague.. but hey its a true story.. :) would you rather me write it as 'My first MRT ride to school on a school day'??? hhahah.. and yes im like leaving the house at 630 tomorrow!! sheesh..

what a waste of a day

all we did was pw presentations.. after presentation after presentation.. the bloody room was how humid and i bet i was one of those who were actually more awake than others.. but at least it wasnt too bad for our grp.. our technique of slack slack slack CHIONG! works.. :D haha.. i think we only chionged like 3-4 times this yr.. and the chionging at jiahan's house on sunday must have been the most constructive session.. esp outside of skl hours.. haha come on the last time we met outside skl hours was at my house watching Goldmember.. stupid jon chen now labels my house as the goldmember house.. bleaghh.. nvm he is gonna move into the uluest part of yishun soon.. hah! but watching the guys play little fighter and some pokemon volleyball thingy was pretty entertaining.. but in the end escaped home.. refused to touch on anymore pw.. perhaps will do some at jiahans house again while playing daidee.. ;)

ay my OP kinda sucks.. cud hear my own voice cracking.. heeyers.. and ms wong mentioned i smiled at the appropriate time.. i was smiling!? odd.. hah.. now i have to do bloody bio tut.. *weeps* mebbe i shud just skip skl tomorrow.. so siiiiiiiiiannn..

oh yes and apparently he cut his hair.. yet to see it.. aiya.. such a fetish for cutting hair.. in a span of a yr.. saw him cut hair like what.. 3-4 times alreadY!?

hmms watched the legacy of prophet muhammad just now.. very interesting! :D very good show.. esp for those like me who have very minimal knowledge.. so ashamed but aiya gdgd.. always wanted to learn anyway.. ay.. theres a feeling in my bones tt sth is gonna happen.. i dont know what.. but i just have the feeling.. lets sseee.. mebbe its just paranoia.. i was so tired in the bus today i terlajak by like 4 stops.. so i had to walk back home.. took 15mins.. at least i woke up before the bus ended up at Sembawang Beach.. hopefully i wont terlajak tomorrrow..

blog surfing can seriously get depressing..

so penat

it doesnt help when ure surrounded by cans of water.. ice.. and food in the blazing hot sun.. yups had CIP today.. its a million times better than flag day but wished there were more pple who came.. oh wells.. yea and why do i have to be so mediocrely lucky!? 2 saturdays in a row.. missed him by like what.. a mere few mins/hours? ay... nvm lah..

aha then went over to NTU to send buckets of food to kak liyana.. but at the rate she eats.. we had to bring home half the load anyway.. plus we took like an hour looking for some food place in jurong west.. cos we were going round in circles getting lost.. its like hello.. boonlay to jurong and i cud sleep and thot it was so long.. woke up really cranky.. and we had to walk so much! ok fine i was just being cranky cos i was just so penat.. and i still havent repaid my sleep debt.. we passed like this hua yi sec skl.. which is a million times prettier and bigger than rj.. it seemed more high tech too.. it looked like a really fancy skl.. tho ive never heard of it.. but the atmosphere of being crammed up with food and people seemed to wake me up and made me less grumpy.. my parents cud actually have a decent convo with me after it.. haha.. u never want to be with me when i get angry or cranky.. ill just pull a horrid long face.. and jeling and groan and frown and tell u to shuttup.. yups.. it used to be worst and more frequent..

shall go eat my rojak cina in a while.. :D tho im seriously full..
ooh i love 7-UP ahhaahaha.. tho i havent tasted it in a looooong time ;)

sheesh am like grooving to -baby got back- hahaha.. its really funny.. plus it reminds me of FRIENDS..

kaoz today dunno why so many teachers ask me for my grades.. its esp scary when mr lim suddenly appeared and practically demanded my grades and then he suddenly disappeared again.. sheesh

ooh skl was pretty ok today.. did lots of talking.. :) i love it! did so much with Azi that i lost track of time and got 4 missed calls from my dad.. he cudnt even see me when he tried to scan the canteen.. oh wellllsss.. played floorball.. intended to play so much i get dehydrated. but it didnt happen.. i think the last time that happened was sec 3 after x-country training.. then end up at home for the rest of the day sleeping.. ooh well they must think im a really rough girl.. wateva mann.. it felt good to bang into pple.. esp big meaty pple haha (ok when they dont sweat) or pple u dun like.. yes floorball is really good for getting revenge.. mwahhaha ;) ain n sya will know well enough what i mean.... mwahhahahahha.. oh yea stupid renji whacked the ball straight into me.. i seem to get hit by quite a no. of balls today..

ooh yea i found harry lim and mr shah on friendster.. so hip mannn! hahaha oooh mr shah is reallly adorable.. hahaha.. ok now pple might think i crush mr shah.. BUT he realllllllllllllly is soooooooo adorable.. hahaha.. u know like boiboi cute!! how appropriate that he put his baby foto.. :D well its obviously a different kind of cuteness ;)

today must rank one of the first few in super stoning..
too bad didnt take any fotos..
and i completely adore sya's cat.. ahhhh!! its a lap cat.. the kind which i dont have!! haha.. tt trying-to-be-brave cat of mine nearly got into another fight just now.. had to quickly open the door and chase out the other cat.. yups but i still think novi is very pretty.. hehheh

spent lots of time in the train today.. and my new earphones arent as loud as my old ones.. or mebbe my ears have grown accustomed.. it doesnt feel the same blasting LIFEHOUSE anymore.. but they are a nice shade of blue..

ooh and we have a hari raya plan.. i hope it also consists of pple coming to my house beforehand to make kuih.. i certainly need help considering got job shadowing like on 17th onwards.. cant believe i have to go all the wya to Tuas when the bloody factory used to be like 10mins away from my house.. bleah.. and before u get any ideas of me like job shadowing some odd job.. its marketing at F&N coca cola.. :) hope its funner than the sec 3 one

aiyai.. i think i shud go change now.. shud be guai and go sembahyang at uncle's house.. hopefully i dont fall asleep there..

hmm not everyone loves everyone..
so im TRYING to not get so frustrated over pple i dont like nowadays.. in view of ramadhan.. *breathe in.. breathe out* heh plus it took me some effort to not join in mengumpat-ing just now..

i have a glimmer of hope.. :) mr kan says abt 3/4 of the skl takes S paper .. well i dont necessarily fall into tt category.. but its a wee bit of hope.. hehe.. always wanted to try to get out of SG... but the idea had always been far fetched for me.. esp a scholarship.. it would be a dream to achieve it.. :) just for the heck of living abroad.. tasting life alone in a foreign country.. but i guess i shud be thankful.. when i was like what 10 yrs old? was already propagandadised abt getting to U.. gettin good grades.. etc.. and which each step i actually barely scraped thru to achieve it.. its been great..

at the same time tiring.. dont want to slog all my life.. was in the LT with halima and she looked so shagged.. but yea everyone seemed pretty tired today.. kinda odd.. looks like im never getting to skl by public transport.. i was so tired today i actualyl slept all the way to henry park.. ay.. i need a rest.. :D

ho hums..

be strong

tts all i can say..
ok now im really thankful tt i got pretty ok marks.. i know i whined so much today (sorry guys) abt not doing better and stuff.. soryy.. i never knew promotion wud be so hard.. i just thot it wud be like sec1-4 kinda exams.. seirously proven wrong
why must we continue to study so soon? my mind is not in the right frame.. the only reason i cud absorb reeve's lecture was cos we sorta knew it beforehand.. im just gonna waste these last few weeks away..

anyway.. watched 'inside mecca' just now.. insightful.. and its like a really brief summary of haji.. which is really good for me.. someone whisk me away to the beauty of it.. and i told my mom that we should all learn arab.. and so when we all come together we can all start speaking ina rab.. how cool is tt right? and it really pains my ear to hear mispronounciations..

im striving to lose weighttt!!

so if u see me indulging.. pls stop me.. waiiiiiiiitt a minute.. hardly anyone will see me binging considering its ramadhan.. haha.. ok tts stupid.. hmm ok check on me when im online.. :D ay stupid choc ice cream in the freezer is really tempting me.. i cant wait to have fun.. :) i mean like just get into the swing of things again.. i dont even mind exercising lots! while not being able to drink even!

ladida.. ljungberg has a really bad beard now.. how awful.. nvm still cute all the same.. :D

hmsm results are coming out!! scary.. but at least the whole drill will be over.. for one more year.. always the same feelings.. scared.. hopeful.. sometimes sad.. its hard to comfort someone.. and its hard to be comforted when u dun reach yr goal.. how many times have i myself felt tt way.. too many i think for a span of 17 yrs.. the feeling of crumbling or just hiding in some corner .. weeping feeling inferior and out of sorts.. geesh the feeling is so familiar since like pri skl.. !! and i guess normally im the only person who sets standards for myself.. but i know i cant accept failure.. im scared that i wont be able to pick myself up after tt.. and no matter who is there to comfort me.. to otell me its gonna be alright.. deep inside pessimism fills and takes root.. its going to be tough and sad.. cos tomorrow will determine my attitude for some time in the future.. either im gonna crumble and shrivel away.. or stay optimistic abt life.. theres no use saying ill be brave.. cos inside.. it burns..

im not the kind who can say something to make everything ok.. and as a matter of fact.. theres nothing u can say.. so when im down.. just hold me.. or let me leave.. leave me alone.. and if you are down.. ill do the same.. i cant say.. oh this doesnt matter.. because inside it matters to me.. even tho its a stupid evaluation of how supposedly smart you are and if you get promoted or not.. its so scary.. i hope everything turns out fine.. for everyone..

dont want to shrivel..
dont want to hide
dont want to have to comfort
we can all do it..
we must overcome this..

i wish for many things..
probably the same wishes like everyone else..
and i wished we cud all get all our wishes.. but still learn the value of it..
i dont want to appreciate sth only when we learn from suffering..
why cant we just avoid the suffering..
and why cant we get what we want?

i guess all i can ask for now.. is to be happy..
and to find my way to the right path..
dont whisper lies.. dont stray me away..

today was pretty fun.. travelled the whole singapore tho..
morning watched intolerable cruelty with sharon..
then hung out until her mom came and then sat ard with joon to past some time.. :) tt was pretty nice.. saw loads of pple
and as i was gonna give up on waiting for deedeeee to wake up from her slumber decided to go home.. or at least to woodlands to find sth.. then got dragged to jurong for dinner.. and clementi to play pool.. wth right!? but hanging out with dee n fang were fun.. :) its great tt even tho we arent always close we still meet up and do stuff.. yups like tt time open house even tho we all not in track anymore we still sat down together at teh steps and watched the stuffs together..

hmms had a nice chat with pple tonight.. wonderful to have friends.. im happy to be of help.. and tt pple are there to help me.. i love getting 'i love yous' and hugs.. tankewww..

i really do cherish anyone who can make me smile.. esp on a horrid day.. cherish a hug.. hmms.. my new motto seems to be taking effect pretty well.. hope it lasts.. dont want to slink back into depression again.. ahh and i won pool.. im deadd.. we kept saying.. cripes shud commit suicide (as in kill yrself in pool) according to jiahan's theory.. i really want to do well for promos.. if what huifang says is right.. ill be very relieved.. i think..

well at least fulham thrashed man u 3-1.. alright mannnn! :D

why

are those your eyes
is that your smile
ive been looking at you forever but i never saw you before
are these yourhands holding mine
now i wonder how i could have been so blind
for the first time
i am looking in your eyes
for the first time I see who you are
Can't believe how much I see when you're looking back at me
Now i understand what love is love is for the first time

can this be real
can this be true
am i the person i was this morning and are you the same
its so strange
All along this love was right in front of me


sweetness fills me.. surrounds me..
thank you

n thank you for bringing back so many laughs.. so many smiles..

kucuba untuk jadi yang terbaik namun ada dia yang lebih kau cinta untuk memenangi walaupun kutahu kecewa akhirnya mengapa tak dapat aku memadamkan kenangan manis bersamamu bahagia yang aku harap-harapkan tak ingin aku rasa dipertandingkan sehingga diri diperbandingkan untuk selamanya ketika cinta ini masih lagi bertahta selagi jiwa ini masih jua ingin dipuja katakanlah padaku dimana kekurangannya untuk kita bahagia berdua sahaja bisakah aku jadi yang terbaik kerana ada dia yang lebih kau cinta

comfort food

i love binging.. meaning ill prob never be anorexic.. just bulimic.. :) hehe.. yaright ili.. yupyup.. bought like icecream n potato chips.. realise i get sick of chocolate really fast.. stupid buses have to leave me just before i reach the busstop so refusing to wait for the next one.. just walked home.. which obviously made the ice cream melt.. heez.. so tired summore.. like i didnt need enough walking.. was nodding off to sleep already in the train.. but still dropped off at woodlands to check out stuff.. supposed to be thinking of mummy's bday prez now.. but im too sian lah.. i need time to make it.. oh yea and today ive realised i have reallllllllllllllly awful speaking skills. yupyup

bleargh.. i want mahjong n pool n soccer.. !!!!!!!! screw screw screw..

dammit

ah.. just saw mycute pri skl classmate who has grownultra cute over the years.. ok fine he looks the same just grown a wee bit taller but this is only the 2nd time ive seen him since pri skl.. i only realised like at the sembawang mrt platform.. like eh.. then down the escalator was like muttering to myself.. 'whatthehellisyrname' n 'donturememberme??' n 'turnard dammit!!' n muttering differnet combinations of names hoping tt he wud turn back at the right one!!.. wahhaha.. how stupid is tt.. yups.. the first time i saw him was like 2 3 years ago!? ac uni.. got taken by surprise.. he got off at the busstop before mine.. which is precisely where he stays! wich confirmed my guess tt it was him.. and todays the 2nd time.. wth.. in sajc now.. ahh how cool in his uni n tie.. grr.. tempted to go to the busstop with him and mutter summore names or get the courage to say hi.. but decided to stick with the original plan of getting a vcd.. got 'how to lose a guy in 10 days' just need some stupid romantic comedy! esp since i missed monday night tv going out with qianru n mayi.. mumble grumble.. oh yea n last night met my pri skl track junior too. she has grown so chio.. :) ok fine she looks the same too but yea very adorable in her peenk shirt.. n hair.. haha.. it seems like only i have grown chubbier.. my my.. how awful.. nvm persevere to keep the flab off.. n yea at least she still recognises me.. she must have noticed me playing snake in the bus first cos she didnt seem surprised to see me.. yups.. :D love bumping into old pals.. :)

today was so hmm tiring somehow.. and i kept losing at cards.. im so sad!! but i hope what jiahan says come true.. ;) then spent the time making goody bags making my hands all icky with waxy string.. which btw isnt too goody.. n yea tripped over stairs from the hall cos was in a daze.. heeezz! i just felt like dying on the spot... with ain's foto as proof.. cudnt stand it n just lied down in the surau..

ohh yea.. im dying to say tt OM shud be the rightful owner of all the awards given to HL guy.. :p .. OM is a million times more adorable than HL guy.. HL guy is gemuk for gdness sakes.. there is some trace of tt disgusting hair/snob guy in him! but of course I AM NOT seducing like some pple cos fidodido is a million times more amusing.. -grin- ah.. sigh fido dido or at least flickflack shud be his rightful name.. lalalla..

couch.. here i come.. :)

'the notebook'

the first book i cried reading..

no drowning man can know which drop of water his last breath did stop...

dusk.. is just an illusion, because the sun is either above the horizon or below it. and that means that day and night are linked in a way that few things are; there cannot be one without the other, yet they cannot exist at the same time. How would it feel... to be always together, yet forever apart?

Silence is holy. It draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking. This is the great paradox.

weak

my stamina is at its trough.. yeps.. all i did was walk to ac and back n my legs were aching like shit.. !! oh n walked damn alot today! shoe shopping can be really fun.. :D tho i realise im damn to infinity fickle.. guess tts why i need a 2nd opinion before i buy sth.. ay! lunch was coffee n cherry.. at forum coffee bean after checking out toys R us.. hehe.. oh when i left tt place.. there was some guys who gve out this leaflet for some play.. was wondering if it was some kiddy play considering they were giving it at the escalator right outside toys R us.. just gave it a glance.. and hoho where issit held at.. ulu pandan cc.. ghim moh.. didnt know ulu pandan cc so happening.. heh.. yea was so tired from walking tt little i just decided to read my book.. yay!! i finalyl bought 'the notebook' to replace the one i lost like 5 years ago.. im only at page 100 now.. plus i borrowed 2 books on teens.. like bulimia.. and stuff.. i love nicholas sparks.. one day ill get ALL his books.. :D and ill buy ALL the 'friends' vcds.. AND 'my best frens' wedding' vcd AND 'the powerofone vcd' -beams- yupyup.. reading there was fun.. and i actually finished my coffee.. a feat considering i can ONLY drink kids size normally.. n the cherry tasted good.. even tho i tend to hate cherries.. odd.. my taste must be changing.. yupyup.. wandered ard myselfl till like 5+++++++ when ifinally met dee.. :D which was really nice.. oh yea.. met aziana.. n saw eugene.. n RIGHT after i saw eugene.. i saw the hc class shirt.. but the back was printed sth like SINGAPORE TEAM.. yups.. and i got a nice free scented piece of paper.. ahhaa.. call me cheapo but i love taking those stuff.. and this one smelt especially fresh and citrus-y ... really nice to me.. which is off cos i have an hmm obtuse.. sense of smell.. i REALLY cannot smell for nuts.. haha.. tts why i keep mixing up chlorine with sulphur dioxide in chem prac.. well unless of cos the thing burnt my nose.. (which it did TWICE) then i know its so2.. hehe..

yupyup.. had a reallyl nice talk with dee.. :D we were just so tired we were so happy to find BK.. and just plopped there from hmm 530 to 730? her cousin was there.. which was pretty funny.. hehehe.. and we got pretty hyped at the accessories shop.. hrmph.. propose to me with a tacky ice cube ring.. wth! haha hmms odd i dun think i did much whining to her.. very odd.. normally i wud pouring out all the horrible stuff.. but hmm feeling those kinda neutral things.. like things suck.. u know life always sucks.. but ure fine.. but nothings great either kinda moods.. well yea.. am there now.. n yes allmy stupid 'iwillneverthinkabtttstuffagain' promises are all bullshit! ofcos they can last for a while cos the list is empty but heez after some time.. yea.. but.. just dun want to put myself out there anymore.. told u right ain.. just dont want to bother pple anymore.. oh yea.. was at MPH reading horoscopes/palmology or whatever.. and yes i cant have kids.. :( bah.. i know ive been complaining tt kids are so horrible.. and noisy n i dun exactly go well with them considering they always cry when i attempt to play with them.. but i still want kids!! 3 wud be great! 2 older boys who wiill definitely must or diedie have good motor skills AND hopefully interested in guitars n drums.. haha and one youngest little girl.. who will have 2 great older brothers to take care of her.. ahhh.. a dream tt has a less than slim chance of happening.. considering i think im gonna die young.. :D well my life line is short... i think.. yeaps reminds me of the malay paper tt made me go 'wth!!!' quite a few times.. ;) ahh.. bio sucked as expected but i really damn hope to pass all my subjects.. i really have to.. :( scared.. -freak- sigh.. nononononono.. no thinking of tt..

hmm talking to qianru last night made me think.. ok it sounded like lifes not worth living dadada.. n at times it does make sense.. i mean the only way u can tell me tt it IS worth living is if u either telllme the politically correct stuff.. u know general sayings etcetc tt attempt to teach u what life's all abt.. which is full or ironies and utter bullshit i think.. OR.. u knock some sense into me with religion.. which id love for somebody who i can relate to who has a great knowledge in Islam to teach me.. i wud really appreciate it.. i mean yea sometimes mum tries to tell me stuff.. and then there are the visits to rumah tok ngah.. but i dun like tt kinda stuff.. i FALL ASLEEP there.. which sucks.. i mean i really do want to get to know it better but i just need somebody perhaps my age to teach me stuffs tt matter to me first.. as in not go on abt the rituals and stuff.. but show me whats so special abt life.. whats my existence.. yups.. i guess once i get tt.. id really catch on with the other stuff..

i think novi needs a fren.. she just licked a soft toy cat.. and is sleeping on it.. or rather using it as her pillow.. its how adorable.. tho after leaving scraps of fishball on my chair!! :) cripes.. now kak liyana is hogging the book.. n im too sleepy to do pw now.. hmsm ill fit it in between studying for 20 mcqs tom haha..

i dont know why ive plunged into the dense gloom of depression..

promos are over for god sakes.. (well 20 mcqs away)

im feeling lost

'justshootme'rocks

actually yest episodes was really darn good.. and its only the 2nd season.. :) ay why cant elliot and maya get together?!?! they are so cute togetherr! but i checked out the episode summaries until like season 7.. they do get together.. but they break up.. wth!?!!? season 4 is the best.. haha.. i hope star world screens everything.. im dying to watch.. hrmph channel 5 hardly show any interesting comedies anymore.. n channel i only has like that 70s show.. except i watched tt season already.. star world rocks.. id die w/o it.. hmms there was one time there was a string of really good shows.. i liked tt christina applegate comedy.. n another veronica's closet or sth.. one of the guys was so cute.. but dumb.. it was hilarious.. yeaps they better not stop showing good shows esp when promos end..

hah.. i did like 10chaps in 4 hours.. with many mini breaks in between .. having a super long break now :) feeling satisfied.. but still a tonne of work left.. tomorrows the longest day.. how shitty.. id prob be too tired to do anything after tt.. bahhhhh.. *mumble grumble*

heys.. just shout out a date tt ure gonna celebrate both their bdays.. ill come if i can.. tho can we NOT have it in hc.. jelita bus stop is HOW FAR.. heh 1 more day!!!!!!!! :D

headache

kaoz 3 hrs for maths is way too long.. yet still not enough to complete heh ironical.. im sorta giving up for bio already.. i hope i have been consistent over the year and rem stuff.. im sure i do.. so ya ill just do some passive reading.. n perhaps some respiration/photosyn/transport muggin since its definitely gonna come out.. stupid headache.. maths was actually quite fun tho im pretty sure there are a million careless mistakes as usual.. dun care lor..

1 more measely day ... ahh.. then i can go ac open house.. hheheeh.. im definitely coming dee .. ain wants to go too haha..

ahh.. down to my last toblerone bite... hmm mebbe choc does help im feeling better.. only at water.. WAN LE.. hah.. lalallaalallaaaa.. this is seriously making me delirious.. hmms looking forward.. :) lalala.. the thot of it ending soon making me super happy.. mebbe i shud pull out of open house stuff.. too lazy to get involved..

mebbe i shud progress from water now.. prob back in a few hrs..

had a wonderful after test day.. :D

i decided to take the long route home.. listened to the cd.. walked home from the mrt.. just think.. look back.. reflect .. i tend to have these walks once every exam period.. calm my nerves.. i love 'em.. alone or with pple u love.. :) but preferably alone.. as i stared at the route i take.. it made me smile thinking from all the good memories i had.. all the great stuff in my neighbourhood.. i really love this place even tho its sorta in the middle of nowhere.. i can walk out on like plain flat ground without flats in my view.. with the huge field beside me and the sky above .. the fields are always wet which kinda reminds me of padi fields.. which makes it even better cos i feel like im in another country.. its especially perfect with the right background music.. THIS is serenity.. my place for myself.. besides it means exercising a bit.. haha..

yeaps then watched oprah while eating lunch which was cool cos they were showing all the designing stuff.. rob lowes house is so pretty.. :D they have a yard tt is as big as a field and they actually have the traditional oven thingy where they bake their pizzas.. how cool is tt? and her designer was really cute! haha..

attempted to do maths.. which didnt make me too upset .. cos i refused to touch all the hard questions.. just brush up on basics n hope for the best.. but felt so sleepy so i simply went to bed.. tt was like what 230pm? woke up 2 hrs later.. feeling oh so refreshed n continued with maths.. n mummy bought wanton noodles tt i wanted yest.. so tt made my day too.. :D *yay* too bad i wont be able to slack so much tomorrow.. bloody bio.. sigh... lets just get this over with already.. so i can be a much happier person!

4down8left

needed a break before i continued with my fruitless attempt at chem.. i hate the in between studying parts.. i dun hate the doing part so much as the im going to go crazy studying part.. i get super bored.. n super irritated with reading the bloody thing so many times.. well in the case of bio having too little time to read it.. oh yes and i hate afternoon papers.. the mornings make u go absolutely nuts wondering if u have remembered everything but what if u just blank out there.. kaoz i seriously blanked out just now.. i was like whats P? price.. whats price equal to? well well.. tts over thank god.. i actualyl cud wake up this morning.. so did more econs.. got sick of it so decided to sleep for another hour.. then i woke up to the end of my cd.. and decided to go watch half of a vcd.. :D 'soalnya siapa' the 1st half cracks me up.. afdlin is so adorable.. heehee.. ever had a dream abt him.. being as cute as ever.. heez.. reminds me of last yr prelims.. i watched the thomas crown affair before studying for some paper..

im getting sleepier by the minute.. shud practise summore but id prob fall asleep on my desk.. wish me luck!.. horrible lousiest subject..

oh yea.. to all of u who ahve finished exams.. congrats! and HAVE FUN.. :D AND... BLEARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

econs is starting to be a pain in the neck.. n arm.. n head..

2 wajah ends

very into malay shows lately tho the ending of dua wajah was very disappointing.. hmms tho very good opportunity to insult lynn nasir tho.. :D im sorry ain sya for doing this again.. but i just have to insult her.. i dun understand why she keeps doing roles tt make fun of her of being a slut! there was a line where maudy said to her 'oh so is the guy simply just a "blanket" (sex toy) to you?' hah! *shakes head* she ALWAYS has roles tt make fun of her.. its hilarious.. and really appropriate.. yet i still dun get why she wants to do the role.. my theory is of coz tt she FEELS the guilt so she is PERFECT for the role considering its her life story.. a petty excuse to get roles in bigger productions.. bleah.. she is like the reason i hate watching bigger productions.. but nvm theres gonna be another azmil/OG ahmad daud show which promises to be a sobfest.. :D ahh.. a good way to end the week.. :) hmms i dun think i can meet u qianru.. my paper ends at like 5.. looks like we have to postpone our celebration a little while longer.. sorry..

good luck peeps.. :D

aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
do u know how frustrating it is to do the bloody maths paper and like get more than half wrong? or dunno where to start!? i feel like screaming!! bleah..

but just as i was letting off steam.. honny came smsing.. saying she was parking near my house.. 2nd time someone did tt..

freakk

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. ok i sorta finished studying chem.. but tts like my worst subject so as much as im gonna study not much help.. bleagh.. im so scared.. i just got like a mini fit.. from freaking out.. kaoz.. ive never been this scared before.. ok mebbe once or twice right after prelims..

imscaredimscaredimscared!!!!!!!!!!!!!

why am i so scared!???????????

oh yes.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KENNY.. no use you staying up to watch teh match.. goalless draw.. what a pity.. tho i decided to like sleep 30mins before the game started cos no one else was awake to help pull the bed in front of the tv..

promos are such a pain...

mebbe ill go cycling to calm down.. but its wet.. bleahhh.. stupid weather im getting all cranky n upset.. n freaking out.. somebody help me.. somehow when someone smsed me outta boredom today i seemed to get more work done.. now.. im stoning again.. stoppit ili..

i want to go out!! i want this to be over.. why must they just suck out the life from me.. !! i still have stupid standardized tests after econs mcq.. like wth..

wanttogetouttahere!!

woohooihavegdtaste!haha

hey he's mine! -glares- hahhahaa.. ok.. acting really stupid here..

decided to sleep really early yest cos i wanted to let my mind wander again.. n thot i wud do work this morn.. but still feeling... lets just say tired from writing too many things yest.. cant believe my stupidity.. n i panicked really bad like my heart was gonna jump out really soon.. i took like 5 mins to try n compose myself before i cud focus on redoing the bloody summary.. not to mention i still had an application question to do.. why are they out to kill us!? heh i guess THATS precisely the reason why the minimum for getting promoted is low.. cos the papers are KILLERS.. n there i thot i cud breeze thru econs drq.. (YEA RIGHT) but shud stop complaining so much.. poor dee a victim of my neverending complains.. when u had 5 times more essays to write than i did.. but just realised that i have to work so hard nowadays.. i thot sec skl was hard.. but i cud still live with slacking around until like sec 4.. but now.. its bleaaaaagh.. heh remembered a diary entry last year about not wanting to work hard.. cos if i do it means i hve to maintain tt standard for the rest of my life.. which will be completely burn out.. so.. yea just do to your standards! no stress :) tho i dun want to get retained..

btw.. thnx for all the support guys its gd to have friends who are there.. :D

the nearer it gets.. the more blogging i do.. ---ddddeeeessstttreeeeeesssss---cant believe AC finished promos and ours havent even started.. Im dying for it to end already!

i love reminiscising .. when i was in pri skl i would imagine so much.. id prefer being alone.. (shoots wanting to be alone is a sign of scizo according to a malay summary i read) Id just have random thoughts.. random imaginations.. of practically everything.. from success.. to finding him.. to dying.. I decided to take a break from econs just now and simply let my mind do tt just now.. felt great.. :) and it can simply last forever..

hmm post exams schedule will HAVE TO include: 1) cycling around bedok with dee.. 2) celebrating pple's bdays.. 3) lots of stoning sessioNs! esp at the beach... :D 4) lots of exercise too.. hmmmm if possible 5) mahjongg/cards sessions... ive gone all rusty already.. and if any 71 pple reading this.. i want to visit kenny's house agaiN! i miss those get-togethers.. so incredibly much.. i loved the mahjong.. i loved the stoning.. i LOVED the make-shift pool table and carom.. i LOVED playing football with the guys n xingni and laughing my head off.. ahhhhhhh.. hehe n seeing zz getting beaten up.. *oops* -sigh- shoots.. time to go..

disgrace

just read the newspaper and the whole report on the Muslim/Islam community its an utter disgrace! its things like this tt make me boil and how pathetic we are.. how sad i am that i cant do anything to help.. or that i hardly knew the extent of the matter.. i guess i have been living in a pretty sheltered life.. but i thought i had at least some exposure during pri skl a normal typical neighbourhood not those posh kinds.. which i must say my cousin is so ironical.. quote 'oh i dont want to send my children to those high-class pri skls... aiya i think neighbourhood one enough ah' so i asked.. so where are they going? the girl is in IJ.. and the boy is going into henry park.. .. dot dot dot
but apparently my pri skl was quite a saint.. i was so proud of my cohort.. tt all my classmates in malay class qualified for express streams.. and im pretty sure most of them are in poly now.. its comforting.. but when u hear all the statistics abt stupid minahs n mats having premarital sex.. with the no. of aborted babies and no. of divorce cases due to early marriages on the rise.. wakaoz.. its so embarassing!!!! and then they go to the statistics that only what 4% of the malays enter Uni.. and how half are in normal stream n half are dropouts!.. at the beginning i was just thinking tt oh mebbe its just the proportion of malays.. so u cant compare to national level.. but oh COME ON.. we can like top all the nonsense statistics and we cant do anything good!? bleahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. screwwwwww..

i just find this whole matter sad.. Why is it like this? Why has the mindset always been abt play.. or short term benefits.. we have ENOUGH mak neneks n minahs.. but why cant we have at least some kind of QUALITY?

to me its a motivation.. but when i fail.. i feel the whole world crumbling down on me.. that i failed to make a difference too.. to prove some wrong.. n im afraid that i cant pick myself up after tt..

crawl back into my shell

im not immuned to chemicals!!.. YET.. heh if u get my drift..
but all i wanna do is crawl back in.. to somewhere safe.. never to show.. never to be hurt.. never to care.. no use thinking...
n.u.m.b. as linkin park wud say it..

sometimes.. do u ever seem to get signs?? ok sounds so movie-ish and blah.. issit just exageration? hallucination? are signs real? when?

omg! ain.. myscene.com fashion thingy is sooooo cool.. i have been looking all over for this kinda stuff ever since i watched ms congeniality!!! hahaha this roxx! tho the fortune things is how crap.. it just says stuff to make u happy.. heez..

had a pretty effective morning studying 3 subjects despite cappucino making me sleepy.. plus i didnt finish it thanks to ain..hehe .. lunch came and stoned all the way.. i need promos to start and end.. ah.. all the crap in my life.. be done with already!!.. cripes.. -green eyed monster staring at dee- *pouts*
aiyaiyai..

shud have given us study leave

complete waste of time! this week tt is..but spent alot of time on monday at gallery studying so wasnt too bad..

today.. i just felt off after malay.. mebbe i was freaking out.. or pmsing.. whatever it is .. i was just crabby.. think rubbed off some of it on ain.. sorry.. but got slightly better as the day ended early.. my bag was super heavy.. was dying on the way home.. just wanted to get home n sleep n buka n get on with studying.. i dun evne know if i shud be scared.. i dun even know if i shud bother abt worrying abt the results.. mebbe ill just do my best and hope for the best.. S papers will be too high an expectation.. i guess i shud just hope to AT LEAST pass everything.. esp bio its so irritating when a fun subject is completely spoilt by exams.. and my cannot apply-ness.. am supposed to finish studying econs today no matter how long it takes.. only at market systems now.. n waiting for parents to bring home snacks to munch on.. screw u fat girl.. ill work it off some day.. bleah was so crabby lumut didnt even make much of an impact anymore.. no one makes any impact anymore! losing grip... ahhhhhhhhhhh.. JC life shud go to hell.. rj chem shud just be merciful.. -motivate me!-

hmms.. good luck to u guys.. esp the hc peeps who are starting tomorrow!!

hopefully tomorrows binging/studying session is effective..

unfit

today was super slack.. didnt do much work.. wonder how much ill die for promos.. attended a relative's wedding... attemptd to mingle with relatives.. but im pretty bad at it.. im kinda wondering how ill be like in the future.. i mean id prob lose contact with all of them.. haiz. sad. wonder who will be the first to send ME a wedding invite.. really interesting..
deedee.. i hope u still remember the bet.. :D pretty sure ill win it.. heh..

usia remaja

hehe.. the theme song of ali setan its boring when u watched it like 5+++++ times.. kak liyana n i were practically predicting the lines tt were gonna come next... it was funny.. :) why cant they show ali setan 2 or 3???! i forgot the plot completely.. but im pretty sure they werent as funny as the first one..

oh yea today's word of the day is 'off' ayah was at home when i called him.. so i had to slave home.. somehow decided to go home by mrt considering the bus will be so freaking full id prob fall on someone.. so met kak liyana.. except i waited for her for like 20mins++ at jurong.. not including the time i missed 2 trains from BV cos i was too lazy to get up from my seat.. tt makes it twice in a row waiting at jurong.. how irritating! and started telling her abt how packed mmy hols were.. n how she freaked me out abt how far bloody jln ahmad ibrahim is.. -sigh- at the same time i have to like study for SATs.. n i dun even know where to pray at the freaking place.. mebbe i shud pull out.. but at home she let me try on her very many pants.. n think of outfits for work.. a perk of an older sis.. she has really good clothes sense.. not to mention plenty of disposable clothes.. :) but will go JP to buy more clothes after promos.. :D yea and the whole time everytime i saw sth tt wasnt quite right i just kept saying off.. the only other alternative word was like odd...

cripes my plan to lose weight today didnt work.. bloody hell with my weight.. i have no willpower.. :( sigh..

its odd how i wanted to drop him but its not working.. i mean its just a little joy to make me smile? amusements.. hehe.. eyecandy.. yumssss... have i mentioned the bag looks like a cicak!!!!! -faints- kak claims tt NTU cicaks are white.. @!!!