Because we’re all going to be okay.

Yesterday’s YA event made me think alot about us as a couple, how we’re both leading our lives and the future compared to the world.

Looking at the world and culture now, co-habiting, one-night-stands, touchy feely and P.D.A-ing everywhere is so normal. Afterall, that’s what you do when you’re in love, don’t you? I cannot deny that even in church, sometimes it irks me when i see couples behaving inappropriately and i wonder if they realize that their actions might cause people to stumble and question the basis of their relationship. And if they really treasure their relationship i don't think you'd want people to create a wrng impression of you.

I admit it’s hard, both for girls and guys, to abstain from touchy feely issues, let alone sex. Girls do like the attention sometimes, and for the guys, well they are guys. And however good or godly or nice your boyfriend is, they are still guys. I had a good talk with David and Ken about the issue today and i was so so comforted. I wasn’t looking for perfect answers and for him to tell me ‘oh no, i never tempted before. I never had bad ideas and feelings before’. But instead the honesty behind it.

I know for a fact every guy is challenged in that area, it’s just about how well they protect themselves. And ken, being honest explained his idea of protecting himself and protecting me. It;s true that in army and online there are alot of temptations. But for him, everytime he feels tempted or has thoughts that may not seem so right, his boundary and defense goes up, ensuring that he doesnt give in and fall into the trap. Does it cross his mind? Yes. Is he perfect? No. But i know he tries his best and he does have boundaries for himself and i am proud of him for doing that.

I remember telling David and Delia how much i trust him in this relationship. That for the past 1 year plus we’ve been together, never did i have to worry if he ever haboured wrong thoughts about me. Even when we’re alone, i can tell it from the fact that he wouldn’t cuddle with me or get touchy with me on the couch and all. Not because it is wrong, but by doing that he knows he will get tempted and as a result, he chooses to protect me, respect me and love me by not getting into the act. Even when i try my luck, push his limits and test him - lets say go closer to him, make some skin contact, talk to him; he will actually back away. And i am glad my testing proved me so.

That is who i call a man that loves me, respects me and protects me. In the culture today it is really hard to find men like that. Even the nicest man, when put to test for lust and sexual pleasures, usually fail. And it’s normal, not saying its bad. It is normal. But the difference is that the good guys bother, bother to protect their women, themselves and have a basic respect for the party. And i am so appreciative of that. I look into his eyes, and i see all i love i’d really need in the future. I look forward to our lifetime together, to explore and understand one another better. And everyday with him and God is a good day into the future together. It’s so important that we have this trust going on and i am happy.

I hope those that attended the YA event yesterday had something to take away, especially if you are attached and want to live pure and blamelessly and have God to bless your relationship, perhaps you and your boyfriend could have a good talk. Be honest with yourselves. Face it girls, we do enjoy the attention and the touch from the males, but it doesnt honor God. And we need to protect our men. Don’t spoil the relationship too early in the relationship. Be honest with yourselves and check your motives. I assure you if you honor God in the relationship, He will honor and bless the relationship.

All the best everyone.
I know we’re going to be okay.

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6:24 PM

Everyone desires to be in God’s will. Sometimes we even talk about wanting to be in the perfect will of God.

But God’s perfect will might not look like what you think it should. We need to clear up what we mean by perfect. Otherwise we could completely miss out on God’s will altogether because we’ll be too busy chasing daydreams.

Our idea of perfect is perfect to us.

A perfect day to you might mean everything is going the way you think it should go.

A perfect marriage to you might be one that’s easy and stress-free.

A perfect job to you might be one where you’re high on the leadership pyramid and banking loads of cash.

Those aren’t bad things, but they’re not necessarily perfect to God. That matters because what’s perfect to God is perfect for us. God’s will for you is to become everything He dreamed you to be so that you might glorify Him the way He deserves to be. And that doesn’t necessarily happen through easy circumstances or perfect conditions.

God’s will doesn’t have to be perfect to me to be perfect for me.

If you need proof of this, just take a brief glance at the Bible:

God’s will for Job wasn’t perfect to him. He lost everything. But it was perfect for him. It brought him to a whole new level of faith and positioned him for a greater blessing later in his life.

God’s will for Joseph wasn’t perfect to him. He landed in slavery and prison for over a decade. But it was perfect for him. Through him, God saved his family and an entire nation.

God’s will for Paul probably didn’t seem perfect to a lot of people. Few men have ever suffered so much for the gospel. But it was perfect for him. Few men have ever spread the gospel so vastly in their lifetime.

God’s will for Jesus didn’t seem perfect to his disciples. In the garden of Gethsemane, even He didn’t want it. But it was perfect for him. He defeated and humiliated sin on the cross. Then conquered death in the resurrection. And thereby provided salvation to the whole world.

God’s will for you might not always seem perfect to you. But trust me, His will is perfect for you.

The job you hate right now might not seem perfect to you. But through it God is perfectly developing your character, patience, and faithfulness.

That relationship you just lost might not seem like God’s perfect will to you. But the person God is clearing space for and has been preparing you for your entire life is perfect for you.

The disease you’re battling right now might not seem perfect to you. But God could use your pain as a platform for the gospel to reach countless people. And He’s putting you in the perfect position to comfort others.

That doesn’t make it easy. But it does make it meaningful. Purposeful. Worth it.

It makes it perfect for you.

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7:33 PM

[copied and pasted from my tumblr]

Happy 365 days to you ken boy (: Heres to 365 days i wouldnt have had without you.

From the post yesterday about the whole argument, i now have a totally different concept of it and this is another step to growing into the woman God wants me to be in this relationship.

After the entire celebration was over, sister kimmy and i sent ken back to camp as usual. After he was off, we took a drive around our area and she offered to talk about stuff (this is how awesome his family is). I unloaded all of it unto her and being a leader and mature lady, she offered me alot of new insights that i feel like ive gained so much and understood things so much clearer.

As girls, whether we are simple girls or not, all desire to be loved and romanced in a way. But we got to face it that sometimes, every man has flaws, and i guess it just takes a little pacing, especially if we are going to be in it for a long term relationship. Yes every guy should take the effort to plan for special occassions, make the girl feel loved, be responsible lalalalalal, we all know the rules. But i guess sometimes when something goes wrong, we tend to forget all the good that they actually do and we decide to kick in to bitchy mode and pick a fight. And i am guilty of that, sometimes.

But i learnt that in a relationship, we should choose the battles we fight because that will go a long way. I intend to marry this man, fyi. And if we are about to pick any random fight, we will die, and we both dont want it to die. Compromise is neccessary because at the end of the day, kimmy reminded me that even the oldest couples married and all do have random alarm tones to remind them to 'sms wife'. Guys need reminders and different guys are gifted in different ways. They show love in different ways that are sometimes not what we would like to receive. And i'm not asking that we as girls just compromise, but as a couple, we meet halfway. I compromise abit, and you work hard abit. Every effort counts and goes a long way (:

Ken, is a great great great guy. He goes through things no one would have to go through. [censor stuff cos this is not a private blog unlike my tumblr] He really has overcome so many battles. Though he's still fighting some of the battles, but i know in the midst of it, thrugh how he reacts, how he carries himself, how people associate with him, he is an AMAZING guy. He may not be the best at planning amazing things and being all crazy romantic and stuff like that, but he is the most sincere trustworthy nice and kind guy i have ever met. He's responsible in his own way and has his own special way of making you feel secure in his simple love. While people in the army are paying one another for food, he doesnt even think of profit. While people are judging others, hes the first to lend a hand to give a second chance. While its hard to trust men and guys in our generation nowadays, he has the utmost respect for women and himself as a male figure. Tell me 3 times u see him with another girl, or 3 times u see him in a club, or 3 times u say u hear him swear - i will still trust him. If you know him personally, you will know what i mean. He.is.amazing. And i was assured of that fact when leaders who walk through this r/s with me tell me i've really met a good guy and for the fact that his own sister will say i am very proud of my brother and i think u've really got a good guy.

And so, i don't really care what happens from here. I dont really care if our first year anniversary ended good or bad, what matters is that i spent it with him and it's another year together looking forward, ready for new challenges, ready for new breakthroughs together.

I am really thankful for this guy who bothers to follow up on me with a call, and take time on this day to pray for us and commit back the relationship onto God who is the centre and who always had His hand upon us. I thank God that ken isn't one to pray for ME, but instead to pray for himself to be a better man, to learn, to grow and never pointing fingers at me for anything. I am thankful that he commits this whole thing to God because that shows how serious this whole thing is to him and i need to always be reminded of that.

It really is a happy first year. And i'm thankful, even for the little.
I love you ken (:

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12:18 AM

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6:10 PM

I miss that boy.

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7:05 PM

It's Christmas.

Well. I must say, i had a splendid christmas.
I know there was an explosion of joy on twitter, facebook and everywhere else. Then again, also on twitter and facebook there happen to be alot of people that are going through hard times and not really getting into what Christmas is all about. It makes me feel bad that i am happy this Christmas. Makes me feel like i'm supposed to be sad in a way to fit everyone else, being here for the people and telling them 'i understand and im gg thru this too', and extend compassion to them. In short, just be there and emo with them. Then again, when you're happy it kind of just flows outta you and you just .. am happy.

But you know why i am? Because it's been such a rough season, rough year, rough everything - with school, friends, family and relationship. Everything that went wrong has went wrong. But in this time of the year, everything seemed to come together perfectly. Afterall, i never had a 'honeymoon' cos as soon as we got together, in less than 3 months i sent my man on his way to army which posed as an entirely different challenge, on top of the passing of grandpa, results day and all that other nonsense, it's been an emotional up and down on top of juggling things like school, results, graduation, family, friends and everything else. I don't think anyone would have understand how horrible things got to a point i lost all hope in things turning better. Stopped asking for a miracle, stopped believing.

But this Christmas i finally understand what christmas is all about in the first place - His love. And His love has been manifested in so many ways this year. Through the challenges i've faced, it's only made life more interesting and made relationships so much more worth keeping. Sure i've complained and moaned and groaned, but in the end God loves me enough to bring everything together perfectly. And i might not be in the most festive mood this Christmas, but i truly am happy for the time i get to spend with my family over christmas, having time from block leave to do thing si've always wanted to with K, spending time with my friends over xmas writing cards and baking for them, school awesomeness and everything. It's not about all the bad things, but rather see the good things. The year hasnt been fantastic, but im determined to make it end off perfectly.

And i guess one thing i love most about this Christmas, is that it is filled with love. From everyone. You lose some, you win some. I have lost, but i also have gained. I've learnt to see who are the friendsthat matter. I've gained a new relationship with my family. I'm at a different level altoegther in my relationship with K. It's everything i ever wanted this Christmas.

I just wish this all wouldnt end, even after today. It feels abit like a dream i dreamt up. When tomorrow and the next week comes, it's going to be back to reality. Bf's gna be in Brunei training his butt off for 2+ weeks with no contact whatsoever, we're all going back to our busy lives in school which means lesser time for family and friends. And i get scared. But then again, im going to put in m bit of effort to make this work. It has to, and it will.

So smile friends. When you're at your worst, thats where things can't go any further and it can only go upwards. Remember, what's worth having is worth fighting for.

With love on this Christmas,
Me.

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10:19 PM

Finally some time for some proper updates, or rather the kind of post i'm posting today is worth finding time for.

Praise God. That's all i have to say. Praise God.
Indeed His hand and favour has always been upon my life, through the ups and downs i never thought i would have made it this far. And it is definitely not 'by luck' as the world would say, but i know God's hand has been in this since the beginning.

Testimonies are such a bunchful i don't know where to start. Let's just talk about the two pressing issues - FYP & Portfoilio Development.
Well so part two of FYP has started, and lucky or not, i was assigned to the Coffee Table Book team, which just has to come up with a Coffee Table Book for a diploma exhibiton at Scape on the 17-20th Dec. Simple? No. We're the only team that needs to find sponsors, real sponsors to fund the printing of the Coffee Table Book (1oocopies). In school, you're not supposed to find sponsors you know? You're just supposed to execute your projects. So tell me, in 1 month, and what more it's year end (company budgets are usually closed by then), where are you to find sponsors? Deadline is today, like LITERALLY today to find sponsors before we actually go beggng people for money. Yes i am dead serious. And we have our very 'nice' advisor telling us that if we don't get the book out, we fail FYP and retain one semester just to re-do FYP.

BUT HERE COMES THE MIRACLE.
Just yesterday (remember today's the deadline), my uncle called and said his friend is willing to give us the Gold sponsorship (which covers more than half of our budget). On top of the money Brother Dick (thank God for him too) sponsored, we were only $500 away from our goal. I called my other team leader and told her the good news of Gold. She then told me that she got another $500 dollars! SO WE MET OUR GOAL! And then she continued that there were MORE COMING IN! God gave us MORE THAN WHAT WE NEEDED. And He is such an awesome God! So praise Him!

It was definitely another reminder of God's faithfulness. In the midst of the tears and panic attacks from some of my team members, i kept positive and claimed in faith that WE WILL GET MONEY. I knew very clearly that God definitely doesn't have intentions to fail me but instead bless me. I kept to my end, and God to His. I am a walking testimony of God's faithfulness and favour upon those who love Him and do His work.

BUT THERE'S MORE!!

Today was portfolio presentation.
Honestly i was worried, like mad worried because unlike my friends i don't have talents for drawing and designing, neither am i fantastic in music or theatre. But i only had one thing - commitment towards God and the church. So while all my friends were scattering to find things to put in their portfolio, by faith i just put down and documented all the productions i've done so far over the past year. It was really a step of faith because i understood how much the Arts scene doesn't really give allowance for religious activities and projects in church dont really count as vocational experience. But still, i went ahead. I was worried and ken told me God will not shortchange me. I've sown so much into Ignyte through all the productions, God will not let the talents He's given me go to waste. So i just went for the final submission and landed up at Oral Defense today - which determines if u graduate or not.

Everyone entered the room, hopeful, and when they came out, hopes dashed. Freaked me out totally and really got me a little panicky.. When it was finally my turn i entered the room to see two smiling assessors. I started giving a brief of my work and etc.. Susprisingly, everything went okay except for a few stupid things like how the file looked and stuff. No questions. No shooting or massecre. Instead, they spoke to me on a personal note and told me that they believed in my potential because of my academics and expected more from me. I didn't see it as criticism but instead an encouragement. I left the room feeling good about the grading. Though it was all church work and all, i thank God for His favour with the assessors that they didn't make a fuss and accepted it the way i gave it to them.

I really couldn't have done this without God. Really. And i am just almost overwhelmed with the depth of his love and grace upon my life. Thank You Lord, for everything You have given.

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8:14 PM