Fragments of memories

I think I had a dream a couple of nights ago. I can't remember what exactly happened. But the gist of it was that I was feeling incredibly frustrated that I was suppressing my feelings, and I confronted Yenzhi and wanted her to stop torturing me, saying that after all this while, why my feelings for her wouldn't go away. Just as I was in the middle of the rant, she suddenly said that after all this while, she felt the same way as well, just that she didn't know I still had feelings. And in the end, we got together and were really happy.

It certainly feels weird, but oddly pleasing. I'm not sure if it's a dream or just a figment of my imagination. But, for this dream to come about now, hmmmm. It's been about one year since the whole thing started?

The very first time we had gone out, was to Ben and Jerry's at Cathay, probably two weeks before Valentine's day. We just went there to get ice cream, and just talk about her break-up. All I wanted at that time was to cheer her up, and I didn't really have any feelings for her yet.

Then, over the coming two weeks, I remember being really busy, but I still managed to get her on a date during Valentine's day, had quite a full day of class and got flowers from this LTB group for her. I remember that was the first time I ever saw her in a skirt, after the many times I told her that I always see her in jeans and the type of top she wears. We debated on where to get dinner, but everywhere was probably full and she suggested going down to Chomp Chomp. We tried getting a cab, but there were absolutely none available in town and the queues at the taxi stand were all full. So, we took a bus further down the road, where we kind of got lost, but then managed to hail a cab to get to Chomp Chomp. We had Hokkien mee, barbequed sting ray, tau huay and two huge glasses of sugar cane. It was a really great time.

We went to Glutton's Bay once for dinner as well, we kind of forgot where it was, next to the Explanade and DXO but we took quite some time to find it. There, we ordered Hokkien mee as well, an $8 plate, and I peeled prawns for her. She had a calamansi drink and I took a passion fruit drink. There was one other dish that I can't remember. This was one of our very first dinners together.

We had once an agreement that we shouldn't meet too often, probably once a week was good. But instantly we broke it because Saturday night was a Liverpool v Man Utd match. I picked her up on the way to Serangoon Gardens Cafe Cartel by cab but we were a little late. She was wearing white shorts and carrying a white handbag, if I'm not wrong. We shared a New York cheese cake. Man Utd won that day, a 1-0 scoreline. Then, we went over to Chomp Chomp for supper. We bought Hokkien mee, again and had tau huay. She bought back tau huay for her brother. At that time, I think she didn't really like soccer, but it was really sweet of her to have watched the match with me.

We went to the Singapore Food Fair at Suntec City as well. It was another of those meeting once a week kind of thing, and she decided to go for the Singapore Food Fair instead of having dinner at Cedele. We bought quite a lot of food, like oyster mee sua, this soup thingey, Japanese noodles, and we also bought 3 packs of nougats, and I remember being broke. Haha. Yenzhi was having a very bad sore throat that day, and I made her buy herbal tea. We also bought muffins back. When I left her at her bus stop and took a bus home, I realized I had taken her laptop and had to take the bus back to pass it to her, and I also realized we had swapped muffins. And I remember telling her not to wait with me for the bus after that because she was sick.

The last time we went out was for Thai Express at Marina Square. I had the soft shell crab glass noodle and she had thai green curry. It was really hot for her, so we swapped. It was really hot for me too, but well, it's better that it's hot for me than hot for her. We met Preston and his girl friend there too.

In between all these dates, we had like uncountable msn conversations, waking each other up from naps in the middle of the night, and also the conversations on how the relationship was going. Relationship, well, was it? It certainly resembled one, one that was going well.

Then suddenly, it felt as if the dream descended into a nightmare. Perhaps, she lost interest, perhaps she just felt that this was all a mistake, perhaps she realized that I wasn't really the right guy. But, it all turned bad very quickly. Dazed and shattered, that's how I felt. And I guess I'm still trying to pick up the pieces of my broken heart.

Haha, how cliched. Sarah's just going to say I'm stupid or something, which undeniably, is true.

Even now, I still think about her. One year on, all those events, they are etched so clearly into my memory. Even the minutest detail, I just can't seem to forget them and put it all behind me. Those 2 months, probably the time in my life I had been the happiest.