work matters

Working under irritating people has its benefits. It teaches you what not to do in future when you are in a position of power.

Rule no. 1: Always give compliments, they do not cost a single cent and have a wondrous effect on people.

Today during AA, some of us were helping to collect goodie bags from Singapore Technologies, and some of the ST staff helped us with it. Being the hardworking me, I took 40 bags (they were quite a lot, and looked a lot) and was going to walk away. Then one of the ST girls (let's call her Girl A) told me don't push myself too hard. But I said, I'm alright and I scurried off not thinking anything more. After that, Deborah came back to me and said that the other ST girl in the room (Girl B) asked Girl A what was she thinking. So Girl A replied something like, nothing much, he's just quite cute. :)

The thing about this was that in no way had I realised or even suspected that Girl A was flirting with me until Deborah told me. Haha. I think I'm certainly quite oblivious to this kinda stuff, or in other words, I'm just blur.

Finally, a hectic week is over. I can't wait to leave the organisation, it sucks working under irritating people.

what i don't want to be..

I was thinking about which single word I would never want to be associated was..and the word "pretentious" came to mind. I don't really know how to describe it, but I think all this while I've kept trying to be honest, with myself, my friends, everybody. So to be called pretentious, however untrue it may be, would hurt. Not that anyone has told me I'm pretentious, but I'd just be quite sick if I ever heard that.

I asked Peiyan out on Saturday night for dinner, and amazingly, she agreed amid her studying. We met at Taka and I got myself a pair of brown leather shoes with a very pointy tip. Very, very cool. They cost $135.20 after a 20% discount. Next we walked along Orchard, looking for a place to eat. I had that hawker centre like place in mind at first, but we left when the food there seemed pretty normal (well it is a hawker centre). So, we went to this really secluded cafe at Orchard Point. For a Saturday night, there were only 4 tables occupied. Haha! Well, it was Peiyan who selected that place. We ordered mainly fish dishes, smoked salmon salad, grilled dory (for her), fish and chips (for me) and apple juice to top it off. We talked a lot, about everything, school, work, family, etc. Then we headed to Heeren, to get some dessert. I insisted that there was always space for dessert even though we were both really full. The portions of fish were quite huge and I didn't even finish my fish and chips (they sucked). Marche had this imposed $10 per person thingey, since we felt that we wouldn't be spending that much on dessert, we left. NYDC was packed. Everywhere in Paragon was closed, so we decided to get some ice cream at macdonalds at Luky Plaza. So 2 Mc Flurries topped off our dinner. Peiyan showed me her laptop, a pretty cool one at that. A tablet seems large but I guess for it's use, it's okay. I think I would get a laptop in future. Or a featherweight category laptop.

Was tired at home and fell asleep before soccer started. Man Utd beat Portsmouth 3-1. Nice. A good evening I would say.

Everything going wrong!!

Went to cut my hair yesterday. And it turned out horrible. Now it's like not short and not long and it's totally unstylable. How am I going to go out like this?! Arhh! But never mind, this is still reversible.

Slept a lot yesterday. I wonder why I'm so tired recently. Maybe it's because of all the late nights staying up to chat on msn, and always with one person without fail.

Don't really know why I'm letting myself sink further into this, even with the realisation that she and Serine are essentially the same type of person. The kind who would place great emphasis on their studies and careers, where relationships and other activities would, more often than not, take a backseat. But somehow, I just can't shake the thought out of my mind that she's also seeing things the way I see them. Even though I shouldn't place any form of reliance on my intuition, there's still a nagging thought that it could actually be accurate this time. Asked her out to watch the West Side Story musical coming to Singapore this April, but she decided not to, and well probably the right choice, since it isnt' that cheap either. But even with that, she still said she'll treat me to some good ice cream at the zoo next time (because I said I wanted to go to the zoo). It's just these kinds of subtle hints (I may be reading too much into it) that keeps me wondering.

Valentine's Day is probably out of the equation though, as she was complaining about how hectic her next week is going to be. Well, not a consequence, since I wasn't going to ask her out on the day. Let's see how things unravel. :)

have you ever?

Have you ever driven down a dead-end, knowing from the start that it leads to no where?

Have you ever watched a show, knowing from the start that you hated the ending?

Have you ever done something, knowing from the start that you could never succeed?

Have you ever liked someone, knowing from the start that a relationship would never be possible?

Wrong as usual..

Talking with Shu'en really gets me back on my feet and think straight. When it comes to girls, my objective mind seems to switch off, leading to poor decision making. Well, Shu'en's argument did present a case for my logic to work out. And being the kind of person I am, logic speaks greater than anything else.

Apparently, Shu'en doesn't see Peiyan wanting to be in a relationship currently. Though I'd like to think otherwise, that just seems like the fairest assessment I've heard (I haven't heard any, just all based on feeling). And Shu'en you suck, why do you go to bed so early?!

I've had crushes on quite a few people before, but there's just something about Peiyan (and Serine) that stands her out from the rest. This definitely isn't a crush. Like previously with Nicole, she's like someone I'll never consider again after having a crush on. But with Peiyan, she's just different. It could be years down the road and I could feel like what I'm feeling now. Same with Serine, but the decision to end that holds firm.

Hmmm..I guess it's just not meant to be. Well, she'll be a good friend, someone to inspire me through university to work hard. Maybe, just maybe, something might happen someday, but that day isn't going to come soon, probably.

a date?

I'm not sure if it's mind tricks again or am I really getting closer to Peiyan? I trust intuition no more when it comes to matters of the heart. Intuition apparently works well with every other situation except this. Shu'en! I need help. Hope you're reading this somewhere, soon.

There is only that many girls I feel something for. Serine was one. Peiyan, yea, I mentioned that to Shu'en last time. But at that time, things just sort of hit an ice block and cooled. Now,has the ice been melted? Oh, what the hell, it doesn't work asking myself this. I'm just not in an objective state to comment. And besides, I just mentioned that my intuition doesn't work in these cases.

Valentines' day's coming. Should I ask her out? What's there to lose anyway?