yay i just reformatted my comp and installed win xp. somehow i like win xp so much more than win98..it's like a really cool interface. and it definitely seems more stable too. the system also seems much faster as compared to win98 where icq took a really long time to load. signed up for msn and skype too. msn looks really cool. but i still like the classic-ness of icq. the only downside of msn is that i don't know who is who!! hahaa.. but still, i really like xp and the new programmes that i installed. *whee*

time for the downsides. i'm so badly infected by viruses!! first it was some stupid trojan horse. then yesterday it was the sasser worm. then today another trojan that i found while scanning using trend micro's online scan. i need norton..and i need it right now!! argh!! win xp has really serious security problems. i wonder how i'm gonna get service pack 1 when i'm using this pirated version..hahaa.. *wonder* *wonder*

huawei's leaving tomorrow. so sad. won't have anyone to play winning eleven with anymore. don't even think i'm gonna play the ps2. boring days lie ahead. it's so rare to find people i can relate with so well. hope he's gonna be my best friend forever..

what is a certainty in life?

i was watching cartoon network this morning, and tom and jerry was on. during a chase there was this excerpt of poet and peasant overture and hey i'm listening to it now. and i'm starting to reminisce about the past. i realise that being a junior and following orders is so much easier than when you are the one making decisions and giving orders. syf 01 was really memorable. playing under oura has been joyful and a really great experience. and the japan trip in sec4 was really really fun..the concerts, the trips to different places, the scolding..i think they all form a backlog from which makes me who i am today. haha..don't make much sense do i? a lot of thoughts now, most of which are too difficult to pen down..

you! (which means me..not you) if you're reading this 10 years later..remember to cherish every moment..don't let them just become unfinished memories..

weird..i feel like i have lost interest in a few things..most notably the final fantasy soundtracks. something that i had adored for so long just feels so empty and uninspiring now. although i know that my preoccupation with them is eternal, i just don't understand why i am temporarily repelled.

is this a fact of life?

had this dream last night. weird? cool? interesting? yea all of them.

well, i dreamt that i was attached with this girl. can't remember who the girl is though. sigh. maybe it's someone i'm going to meet in the future. well, i can't remember who made the first move either, as in was it her who hinted or was it i who signalled my affection first. but it was definitely i who asked her. (haha, guys are supposed to do this right?) anyway the next day, i thought it was all a dream. we didn't meet in school or anything. but when i was still in school and she was home and we were both using icq, that was when i realised that it was all true. hahaa..geez. anyway the things we did were pretty cute..hahaa like holding hands while watching tv at my place, then i introduced her to my parents. haha.

well, my memory is pretty fuzzy and i can't really remember anything else past this. but i guess being attached is a really nice feeling. to have someone there for you, with you. mmmm..

i can't wait for the future..

there's this feeling that's really really shitty. the feeling that you've put in so much effort into something or someone and in the end you don't get what you hope to. disappointment? yea..i guess. actually no. i don't think it's exactly that. something more like..well i don't know. i can't really describe it. it just makes people feel bad. and that's what i'm feeling now.

i should move on..

hahaa..so many days without a blog..not my fault laa..things were just too boring and stale..so if I blogged..all the entries would be close to identical..but heyy..yesterday was special..well more special than any other boring day though..

went to see my specialist in the morning..and the wait was so horrible..waited for queue..then waited for queue at x ray..waited for x ray..then waited to see the doctor..and finally the worst wait of all..waited for the bill..and hell was it a long wait..apparently..the nuh system was down..so processing the bills took close to an hour..preposterous..but well..my sympathies go to the clerks..they had to spend so much time billing people after the system came back on that I believe they had to miss lunch..and there were also an irrational and irate patient who boasted about her daughter being a doctor and demanding her bill brought to her..the Sister who attended to her must have been so pissed..well at least I was..I would have slapped her and told her to stuff it if I could..hahaa..her face was screwed up..voice was screwed up..attitude was screwed up..well basically everything about her was screwed up..call herself a human..I'm being pretty evil am I not? hahaa..but people who make a scene in hospitals cannot be tolerated..and she was but an old hag..

afterward..went home and had sandwiches I got from 7-11 for lunch..what a light lunch..but couldn't help it laa..the wait at the hospital totalled 3 hrs..I only saw the doctor for 30 seconds..and the x ray session took no more than 3 minutes..and was lazing around on the sofa watching nick tv..then haa..Cassandra popped over and gave me a surprise..and I was surprised..I thought it was some salesgirl outside my door at first..cause it was dark and I couldn't see well through the doorhole(is it a doorhole?)..hahaa..she came over to pass me the shirt that I asked her to get for my sister..so now my sister has a birthday present..a really belated one..and after shu-en brings over the adidas shirt I'll be able to present them to my sister and brother-in-law..yeah..I gotta remember to send him an sms to wish him a happy birthday later..back to Cassandra..yea..she brought over GTO too..and we spent the remainder of the afternoon watching that..guess she's pretty free now..so I asked her to come over often and we could finish the show together..hahaa..what a great show..the girl is so pretty..hahaa..

yeah..later that night..huawei came over..and he stayed till about 5am..and we played winning 11!!! hahaa..and now we're 3 star standard..with the introduction of start players Huawei and Zhexian who have perfect stats..but the design of my character looked a bit lousy..I'm having ash hair with an old face..damn..but who cares..being able to score is all that matters..hahahaa..so that was the end of last night..got up at 1245pm today!! amazing!! this is like one of the latest I've ever woken up..hahahaa..better not next time..I feel like my day is half over already!!

don't really feel like blogging nowadays..things are getting so mundane..like everyday has the same schedule..so boring!!

but well..here goes..friday was another physio day..and now I can cycle..hahaa..well I can bend enough to complete a cycle..hahaa..however, there could actually be a problem..I can bend up to 130 degrees now..and Benjamin said that such flexion can usually only be achieved after 8 therapy sessions..and I've only gone for 3 to date..hmmm..could be a problem but hopefully now laa..besides I'm a fast recoverer..hahaa..also had electrotherapy..and that is really shiok!! it's like a kind of massage just that it's not a massage..what am I saying!? well..you've got to try it to know it..hahaa..and I've got the privilege to try it..then again it's not a privilege..trying it means I've something wrong..and I don't think anyone wants to have anything wrong with themselves right?

yea..on to saturday..I've got 3 overdue library books..that's 45 cents a day..damn..should have gotten my parents to bring it to amk lbrary to return..but I was to engrossed in ffx that I forgot to tell them..never mind..I just won't pay and let the amount accumulate..must remember to return it tomorrow..

calling all final fantasy fans..one good thing today..while I was surfing around the net for final fantasy soundtracks and I came across this site that has a channel on irc that serves all the final fantasy soundtracks ever produced!! ALL!! think about that..well anyone who needs any details..just drop me a line yea?

things are getting boring..saturday doesn't feel like saturday anymore without epl matches at 11..hmmmm..why can't the new season start sooner..why can't I recover earlier and walk?!

I had my first physiotherapy session yesterday..since my dad went to KL, huawei fetched me there and yahui kept me company for 2 hrs..ugh..I feel quite bad since there was really nothing to do but sit and stone..well at least she played the games on my phone..hahaa..anyway my quads are really very very weak..there was this exercise where I had to move my leg left and right while sitting down..the initial weights used were too heavy and I couldn't even move my leg at all..then Benjamin(my phsyio) used lighter weights..and I still had some considerable difficulty doing it..but well still completed laa..the ice treatment felt really good on the calf and the pain was relieved momentarily..

hmmm..nothing much in the day though..slept from 6-11..then woke up after that watched the prince on tennis till 4 then dozed off on the sofa..the prince of tennis is awesome..it's this anime about a junior high first year student who is superb in tennis..and the exploits of him and his team..Youth Garden Junior High School..they have many adventures and their spirit and willpower are the highlights of the anime..I think till now..it's the best anime I've watched..the matches are really exciting and the jokes are reallu funny too..the only bad point are the lousy subtitles..the score of a tennis match can be written as 1st May when it should be 1 game to 5..really stupid..sometimes I think the people who do the subtitles should be shot..since we pay so much for the dvd we can expect good quality..the worst ever subtitles was You're Under Arrest..luckily I managed to exchange that for another anime..hahaa..

actually..there was a high point yesterday..well maybe the only point to note..huawei yahui and cassandra came over to my place with a swensen's ice cream cake to celebrate my birthday..well..yahui called my mum and I instantly recognised her voice..so I was quite surprised to hear that she asked for my mum..hahaa..but then huawei already told me about the surprise yesterday..hahahaa..but still fun laa..hahaa..think I'm really blessed to have such wonderful friends..

hmmm..oh yea..there was this comment about getting a girlfriend that yahui made..hahaa..that she can come over and fuss over me in this period..well that's the advantage of a girlfriend laa..but thinking about it again..I think I'm the kind of guy who just can't link romantically with a girl..well yea..as friends..just perfect..maybe cause I'm the brash and proud kind..being together with a girl just totally changes my style..like from that..to someone gentle and meek..doesn't seem possible..that was exactly what I think I was like when I was with Cassandra..there was this transition that I wasn't comfortable with..I wasn't myself anymore..

speaking of her..I think she's someone I really admire..well more like someone whose personality I would like my future significant other to be like..yea like she's attached and stuff..but she still takes time to visit me and stuff..really nice of her..

today was the party..it was quite a disaster..jiamin came at 10am and she was the only person other than huawei to stone around until 2pm..then the rest slowly arrived..we played amplitude and mahjong the whole day..and yea I really really like mahjong..think it's really cool to win big time..but then sometimes it's just not your day and you don't get any lucky breaks coming and you lose pathetically..hahaa..luck plays a great part in everyone's life..although it's something unscientific..there are some things that you can't attribute it to other than just pure luck..hahaa..

got another present..this adidas finale sportivo ball..the one that looks like the champions league ball..supposedly shared between cassandra..karen and the twins..and they said it was really last minute..hahaa..oh well..some things can't be helped..another present was the pseudo-mogu cushion from yahui and ruxin..hahaa..although it's nice..but it's like the one that shuyang gave me..both give off a weird chemical-like smell..ugh..so I guess I should use it as a back support or the likes and not a head rest..hahaa..

ok think im quite tired now..don't think theres any thing else of notable interest..well if there is..next entry it shall be..

this is one of the lousiest birthdays I've ever had..if not the lousiest..yea it's the lousiest alright..which loser is stuck at home for his birthday..and has a fever..and suffers from pain everytime he stands up..ugh..so that loser is me..damn..hahaa..suddenly I feel slightly cheered..declaration of being a loser sometimes helps..hahahaaa..cool..but then again it's a sad realisation..everyday feels the same..other than the birthday wishes I'm getting..today doesn't seem very much different from any day of the past week..

the fever really felt terrible..the couple of panadol tablets didn't really seem to help..but I fell asleep..then got woken up by a feeling of intense heat..then I went to my room to continue my nap..well that nap seemed to do the trick..my temperature dropped to 36.9 and has remained there for these few hours..36.9 is actually quite high for me..my normal temperature is usually about 36.3 or thereabouts..

well..now to update on the happenings of the past few days..I had a fever yesterday..that was at 38..woke up at 5am and took my temperature..and really felt quite horrible..then slept fitfully until 8 or so..waited till my parents to get up..then told then I had a fever..so we went back to A&E department..it was stupid there..had to wait in the white room that was set up for fever patients..and although the thermometer they used there showed that I had no fever(I wonder why too..weird)..I had to stone in that room..and it was there which my impression of NUH became bad..the doctors and nurses at the orthopaedic clinic and the day surgery centre were impeccable..but those at A&E were utterly horrible..the nurse was so unprofessional..I requested for the wheelchair with a leg raise and she just said that they were all used..and then gave me one without..while waiting for the x ray..I asked my mum to ask another nurse for the wheelchair that I wanted..and it was brought to me..all used up indeed!! anyway..the doctor was also really inexperienced..she had a really hard time drawing blood from my arm..and so much blood was wasted..when she used the sticker to stick the needle in place..it wasn't even aligned properly..and it caused me considerable pain for the next 2 hours..well at least she looked quite pretty..haha..so I'll forgive her for that..the 2 hours spent waiting for the blood test was really long..the portable air con and fan were quite cold..probably due to the fever..was shivering for 2 hours!! well during that 2 hours..that incapable nurse gave me an injection on my butt and it's really painful..arh..my butt feels numb even till now..anyway after more than 2 hours..I had the needle removed..and hell it was like 4 cm long..and that stupid nurse pulled it out in such a weird angle..luckily the needle was flexible or my blood vessels would have been ripped..I was brought to the orthopaedic clinic..and there I met dr ang..he inspected the wound and he said that it was alright..checked the blood test results and well..they were perfectly fine..just a slightly low blood count..by about 0.1..so it wasn't really a big deal..so I guess the possibility of an infection is ruled out..well then got my dressing changed and went home..felt pretty much alright already then..well end of yesterday..besides the hospital trip it wasn't that eventful..and I'm really greateful to my parents for taking the time to bring me to the hospital and back..and stoning for the many hours there as well..

anyway..the background picture for my blog is down..the stupid farah aziz couldnt keep the site running..if he/she doesn't get it back up soon..I think I'll have to change a template..hell..and I really liked the black and white picture of lulu..didn't know her name until shu-en told me..hahaa..but then it still looked cool before that..

ugh guess thats it..what an uneventful birthday..damn..

pain..excruciating pain!! seems like the removal of the bandage had some unexpected effects..my calves are now very swollen..standing up and walking causes so much unbearable pain..every step and every vibration causes a sharp pain in the calves..arhh!! I hope this doesn't lsat..don't think I'll be able to take this for very much longer..

went back to nuh for my appointment today..and the bandage and plasters were removed..and surprisingly..there were no external stitches at all..dr ang said the stiches were all internal..well I guess that means they will dissolve after a while..hmmm..cool..and I was worrying about the pain involved with remobing the stitches..hahaa..he gave me the photographs of the operation too..they looked quite disgusting..but then I don't really know what it means..so just took it back laa..he said that the operation went smoothly..the only complication was some blisters that appeared thatw as probably due to the sticking of the tapes over the wound..he took a couple of photographs of it and then discussed about it with the other doctors for a moment..hahaa..got me a little worried at first but he said it was no problem at all..well I also asked about the meniscus that was trimmed..whether it would cause me arthritis in future..but hahaa..he told me that only a very very small portion was trimmed..so it was also no big deal..so that's it..I guess I'm pretty lucky not to have suffered that badly..

outfitted with a brace now..pretty hot and tight..but I guess it can't be helped..I'll be able to return to normal walking soon and well gptta go for physiotherapy soon..ruxin told me that she would accompany me to nuh in future..well I guess I'll take her up on that offer..so I won't be too bored or lonely when I go to the hospital next time..hahaa..great great..things are going well..

oh yea..I just remembered about spiderman 2..watched it with huawei, yahui and ruxin last thursday..I think it's a great show..absolutely fantastic..the way spiderman's inner dilema was portrayed was so apt..I feel that not being able to tell someone u love her is really sad..especially when you have certain responsibilities that you have to fulfil..but well at least it's still a happy ending..mary jane disregarded the perils and went to find spidey on her wedding day..hahaa..so dramatic..but cool though..hmmm..a love story like that would be quite cool..in real life..yeah..

whoo..my operation finally arrived..and boy was it traumatic..first thing was that I still had some phlegm..so it was like I didn't know whether to declare it..well I didn't which meant that I took the risk of sying during the operation..but fortunately I didn't..
well it was pretty cool..wasn't really nervous actually..changed into the operation gown..then lay on the bed as the nurse pushed me into the operation theatre..and that's where my stereotype mindset was broken..I used to think operating theatres were dark and scary places with surgeons holding up their scalpels ready to operate(a result result of watching too much cartoons)..well it was actually very brightly lit..and the anesthetist was the only person talking to me..the rest were busy scrubing down..first I was transferred to the operating table..then they took of my top and it was really really freezing..I couldn't stop shivering then..after that she was saying like..im going to inject u with some anti-biotic now..and then she jabbed this huge needle up my vein in my left forearm..ooh..but it wasn't that pain..thankfully..then after that she gave me this thing to breathe..told me it was oxygen..well it smelled quite alright..so I just breathed it..then after a while..hoho..I was gone..when I was asleep I had a really cool dream..something like I was playing soccer..and it was the Euro!! oh my god..but I don't really remember much just basically soccer I think..hahaa..then I woke up at 11.30..there was this baby near me who was crying and crying..so damn irritating..I almost couldn't get back to sleep..but I was semi conscious nonetheless..the GA hadn't totally lost effect..then was wheeled back to my room..slept for another 2 hours..then ruxin came to visit me..was quite bad..I almost totally neglected her..but I was really feeling very very sick at that time..just wanted to close my eyes and lie down..then the rest came..huawei yahui and cassandra..hahaa..we talked a bit and they gave me a pseudo mogu cushion..quite nice..and it's PINK in color..hahaa..well it's on my floor now..haven't taken it out after I got home yet..alright then I stoned for another few hours..my doctor came..told me everything was alright..and I was probably much better off than the guy next to me who had the exact same operation as me..well he had severely damaged cartilages..mine was only cracked I think..so I'm really really thankful..yea..well then after that my parents came..wanted to take me home..but I was really feeling awful..and my nurse..Padma her name was..told me that I should try to vomit as I would feel much much better..since it would expel the GA at the same time..well..I did..and I vommitted all the water I had drunk previously..and then the vomit turned red..like I was bleeding internally..wow..but I didn't really care laa..but as I was about to leave..I vommitted again..this time less..but eually shitty..the lousy feeling that I had just didn't go away..then as I was entering the car to go home..I vommitted again!! this time I decided to go back to the ward to rest..nurse Padma called the on-call doctor to come and check on me..and he took more than an hour to arrive..think my parents were really hungry..poor them..ok then he gave me 2 tablets..and well I didn't really feel better but I decided to try and go home again..this time..things were equally as bad..but I did manage to get home without puking in the car..but I had brought along the hospital barf bags just in case..but when I reached my door..things just got way too bad..and I just puked..luckily I could feel the vomit coming out again..and I got my barf bag out in time..well that one had not much puke but it tasted awfully bad..then I went straight to bed..ugh..

woke up at 6 today..watched the prince of tennis..the dvd sets that my boss lent me to watch while I was stuck at home recuperating..its a damn nice anime..and the matches are really really cool..think I will keep watching this..shuen came over at 1+ and she gave me my presents..2 books..that looked quite kuku..hahaa..sorry shuen but I don't tink they really interest me..then yahui ruxin huawei and ya le came to play mahjong and ps2..hahaa mahjong is really fun..and I think my mum is really really lucky..whenever she helped yale she kept winning..but then I got a really big game too..qing yi se with many many flowers..hahaa..think I recouped all my losses at one go then..hahaa..yay..well at night played amplitude..and yahui is a shen at that game..she's just so damn good at it..whoa her psychomotor must be really way up there..i wished I had that kind of psychomotor too..then I would be really good at all sorts of games..and not just soccer..the only reason why I'm good is because I can run fast and I really play a lot..but now I don't know about that..haven't touched a soccer ball in about a year..how sad..oh but well..never mind..I think being really good in soccer is enough for me..

alright me knee is really painful now..like straigtening it causes me untold pains that feel like a raw nerve was touched and purposefully teased..ugh..damn..I wonder how I'm going to last through this week..I'm a sucker for pain man..