finally the MINDEF volunteers' dinner passed..all the shit work and overtime culminated in a fantastically successful event fo the DPA..well and a good finner for us..the dinner was really fantastic..there was so many things to eat..there was grilled lamb..many types of ham..seafood salad..sushi..lemon fish..brocolli..chocolate cake and strawberry shortcake..ooh fantastic man..and the best thing was that it's a buffet..eat all u can man..hahaa..shangri-la's food is really great!! drank 2 glasses of red wone as well..it wasn't too bad..guess that when we grow older, we will appreciate alcohol better..I used to hate beer..maybe I still do but I don't drink it at all..

the registration process passed without major incident..it was as I expected..the easiest part of the whole thing..I just wonder why other people are so tensed about it..

saturday..well nothing major happened..went swimming in the afternoon and felt really sick after that..probably cuz I didn't eat a full lunch..after suffering for nearly an hour..I took some chocolate biscuits and I instantly felt much much better..hahaa..then after that I went to orchard to return my library books and borrow some for the period of inaction that I will be in..hahaa..and wanted to buy the final fantasy strategy guide so that I can start playing the game..too bad it was sold out at kino as well as borders..think I'll have to get it at simlim then..which I should be going to later today..maybe get some computer peripherals too..went to bird as well..and saw this pair of nike shorts that were quite nice..but XL was quite large for me..and I believe that L would be slightly too short for my liking..it had this internal underwear thing that felt slightly weird too..so I think I won't be going queensway for it then..

Today's Shuyang's birthday..wonder whether she will receive my present..hope Canada's post would be realiable..don't wanna have the present sent back for which I'll have to pay return freight charges..that would be an absolute disaster man..since I'm already so enar broke and with a multitude of presents to get for so many people..especially for my sister and darrel..damn..thinking of getting an md player..but it really is so damn expensive..way out of my budget man..sigh..I shall ponder more..

wednesday..23rd june came and passed..and did I have my operation? noooooo..cuz of what?? cuz I still had my cough..this stupid crappy cough which has lasted over a month has came back to haunt me big time..now my operation has been postponed to next friday..well not too bad since it's only slightly more than a week away..but I was really looking forward to it..since more than a year ago..damn..

but i got the ps2 huawei promised me last year..and I'm hooked on winning eleven..it's really fun and I can't wait to get started on final fantasy x..long awaited..exactly how I felt about final fantasy vii..

yahui, cassandra are at my place now..at 1130pm playing ps2..madness..and I have to work tomorrow..for more than 12 hours!! this is insanity man..anyway..speaking of tomorrow..it's finally the event which I had been working overtime for the past 2 weeks for..MINDEF Volunteer's Dinner..incredibly dumb..just hope it isn't too tiring..or too boring..and hope I don't reach home too late..hahaa..besides Sentosa is so damn out of the way..ugh..

received Shuyang's present yesterday..it's actually a combination of presents..including Valentine's day's present..a Gandalf bookmark..and also the ONE ring..hahaa..I put it on my finger and it couldn't come off..had to use real force..haha..think I'll hang it on a chain and wear it as a necklace..well maybe..and then she gave a Dreamcatcher..the windchime that catches bad dreams and lets good dreams pass through..cool!!

well I really hope I get better soon..there's nothing much to record in my chronicles since everyday is so boring and monotonous..sianzz!! but well hope the weekend comes quickly!!

working as a public relations assistant is definitely not easy..there's so much work everyday that I've to go home late..by at least an hour or two..but at least I'm having my full lunch breaks now..sometimes during lunch I just feel like going back to finish my work so that I can finish a little earlier..sigh..at least the work is interesting..

the stuff on MINDEF Volunteers dinner seems to be finished..the worst thing that could happen now would be more people dropping out..then I'd have more work to do!! ahh..but likelihood of that isn't too great since it's already so close to the event itself..right now..it'll be mostly NDP I guess..I wonder how it'll be like speaking to reporters about stuff..will I be quoted? misquoted? hmmm..cool..hahaa..

sent Shuyang her present yesterday..air freight is..whew..super expensive..definitely not worth it..but well I've to send her a present..and the present gotta reach her soon..so no choice laa..hope she'll like the gift..hahaa..no worries about that laa..she will..

just woke up to watch Holland vs. Czech Republic..and Holland lost 3-2..slack defending with 1 man down certainly killed them..what a disaster..I wonder how I managed to wake up..I remember floating in sub-conscious..then suddenly thinking about soccer..that jolted my consciousness to take over and suddenly I was awake anc checking the time to see the progress of the match..what a relief there was still 30min left..well it does seem like I missed a lot but hell..I'd rather watch a little than none at all..

earlier the day..in the taxi with Malcolm, Tracy and Jimmy, I had this weird sense of deja vu..it was like Tracy was showing me her red cap..then Malcolm asking me to wear it..the scene seemed to have happened before..maybe in my dreams or something..sensing deja vu is a weird feeling..it's kind of fearful to seem to have experienced the exact same thing before in another time..and I've not sensed deja vu for a long long time..

was at the national stadium today..watched the rehearsal for NDP..well..it's really quite cool..and very impressive to watch the parade live at the national stadium..the gun shots are very very loud..and cool..the guard of honour looked marvellous..thinking of that then was a heart-wrenching feeling..the thoughts that I could have been the one there instead of another guy were overflowing..however, I guess this all can't be helped..the thing I should do now is hope for a successful operation and to be back to full fitness before entering university..train hard to improve my soccer skills and fitness so that I can join soccer in there..and well do my work well in MINDEF..

got to know of a pretty interesting place to dine at..this soup place at suntec city..they serve tremendous portions of soup and there's a free flow of bread to go with the soup..it didn't seem really substantial at first..but Malcolm and Jimmy were barely able to finish it..and they were sharing 1 bowl!!

other interesting stuff this week..hmmm..oh yea..I found out that Malcolm is an anime lover as well..and he has tons of them..he just lent me The Prince of Tennis for me to watch at home while I recuperate..cool man..plus he showed me a great place to buy anime..this shop at Sunshine Plaza near Sim Lim Square..and the titles they have in there..cool! lots of them and many new ones too..definitely much much better than the shop that I visit..then again..with Malcolm around..I wouldn't need to buy animes..I can just borrow them from him.. :)

ok guess that's all..wonder how my Sunday will be spent..should I stay at home and save money? go out to shop? go out with my friends? hmmm..maybe I'll decide later..but staying at home seems the better deal since I'm rather low in cash reserves now.. :( must think of my new comp and a good lcd!! besides my old hard disk died..luckily I had bought one long ago..or I'd have died without being able to use my comp..hahahaa..ok that's it for now..

my second day at work..was posted to public relations branch..quite a cool place..with more people..and younger people..compared to admin branch..all are old hags and there would only be 5 people including me..hahaa..but it's really busy at public relations branch..spent the whole day todaydoing all sorts of work..inserting letters into envelops and checking the details on the envelops..think it's quite a cool job..hmm..but today really had so much work..stayed back till 830 to complete this dumb seating plan..bleah..and my boss, Malcolm, said that today was only a mild day..I wonder how it'll be lieke when it's really busy..well but at least today's work has more or less been finished..tomorrow might be going on to NDP stuff..hmmm..quite fun laa..really good experience..and I bet it'll look fantastic on my resume in future..hahaa..but then I've got to suffer for the next 2 years..

speaking of which..there was some news today about cutting short NS to 2 years..but for my batch it could be just be shortened by 2 months..well better than nothing but I would have definitely prefered a full 6 month reduction..then I wouldn't need to disrupt for university in 2006..hmm..aiyar i don't know laa..

wonder when smu will contact me..I hope I'll be able to get the smu scholarship..then I wouldn't need to take a study loan..sigh..university is so ex!! why!?

ahh sunday..I had class outing..my first ever class outing..haa..let's see who went.. peishan, joann, janice, liyi, zijing, yin ying, zichao, xiong feng, shaoning, and me..we went to marche for lunch..and i ate another rosti..this time with cheese sausage..and I've to admit that it's poorer than the hunter chicken sausage..one thingg it wasn't crispy enough and the insides were too soft and full of oil or whatever that was inside..don't even feel like trying garlic sausage now..it gives me the feeling that it would be similar to the cheese sausage..

also realised that girls are talking machines..put a bunch of them together and they can talk on and on and on until the sun goes down..I wonder what would happen if they couldn't exercise their vocal chords for even a few hours..

ok enough side tracking..then we went to play pool at cuppage plaza..i suck at pool..suck as in damn suck..maybe I was off-form but damn..I really sucked like hell..but doesn't matter..I don't really aspire to be a pool master..soccer would do..went to lan after that..was planning on playing CS..but the network had some stupid problem..and we had to pay 80cents even though we didn't even play..victims of circumstances..walked around after that..zi chao wanted to watch a movie..so we went ceineleisure to take a look..at least one of us had watched most of the shows and zichao wanted to watch The Punisher..so on to Lido..The Punisher was on too late and no one wanted to watch it actually..Peishan said they were just depositing those who wanted to watch there..summed up how I felt too..I think shows on weekends are a completely waste of money..correction..shows are a waste of money..no one com,municates about a show and after the show we just comment on how it was..zero conversation value..

well I got home after that..slept early..pretty early..10+..hahaa..in preparation for France vs England later that night..but when I got up to watch I was so damn tired that I slept through half the match and didn't even realise when England had scored..but the dumbest thing was Beckham missing a penalty and France scoring 2 injury time goals to register a last minute victory over England..too bad for England then..luckily I don't support international teams..back to bed..

woke up slightly late for work..reached late too..that was cause I had to walk up this stupid hill to reach mindef..tiring and long journey..and there's supposed to be a shuttle bus ti ferry people from the foot to the top of the hill..dumb!!..anyway I'm posted to Public Affairs Department..the branch isn't confirmed yet..either admin branch or public relations branch..admin is slacker and less stressful but definitely less fun..PR branch is the complete opposite..another thing..lunch isn't free!! there's no cookhouse there..so we gotta buy our food at the canteen..though cheap..it still represents an unnecessary expense..talking about expenses..the trip from home to mindef is really expensive..they are really good at siphoning a good part of our meagre allowance..maybe I should go tutor someone around my home..Kenneth suggested that the RJ brand and 4As would make a good starter..maybe I'd go post leaflets in the letter boxes in my condo..hmmm..think about it..see how busy I would be..

complaining is good..now I feel much less disgust towards what I would have to do for the next 2 years..hope i get into PR branch..seems exciting with all the planning of major events..

had my smu interview on thursday..and it wasn't like any of the scholarship interviews I have had..when i first stepped in..the 2 interviewers were like heyy site back and relax..that set the tone for the interview..totally relaxed and exchange of ideas were free and easy..there were some interesting questions though..like if they sponsored me right now for a trip..which country I would go to..well I said I wanted to go to New Zealand for the countryside quietness so as to leave the city hustle behind..it would be good to experience peace and serenity once in a while..there was also another question..why do people not like people from ri..that was the first question..quite shocking but I believe I answered it pretty well..probably it's because of the confidence that has been inculcated in us..sometimes it could lead to us being over confident..and appearing cocky in some ways..another question was if they had a clause that I had to go study for a term at university of beijing..what would my reaction be..well I said I would very much enjoy it..since it was a change in culture and an opportunity to make moe friends..well that's about it..the essay..well I wrote about the worst period of my life and how I passed it..talked about the period in j1..well that was a painful time..really think I had clinical depression..sigh..but well it's over and I've become a better and stronger person now..

friday passed uneventfully..just played computer and read some books..basically it..

saturday..yeaa today..still about half the day left but..I went to school to collect my A level certificate today..nothing special about it..then met up with Junjie and Nathanael for lunch and for Harry Potter..having read the book twice..I feel that the adaptation is rather poor..many details were missing and the show has become something like a soap opera..flashing from event from event..like days of our lives..but the worst part of it was that it felt like the producers rushed through the show..it was barely 2hrs 15mins long..I think this is much too short for a major blockbuster..perhaps an added hour would have made it more exciting and enjoyable..the music was great and a deviation from the past 2 films..and gosh..Emma Watson is really really pretty..she has discarded her little girl look from Philosopher's Stone and now she looks very much more mature..Harry Potter was a good show but definitely not as great as I expected it to be..after the show went shopping..bought some snacks for tonight's soccer..and Shuyang's present..I think sending it over is gonna be troublesome and expensive..sigh..her birthday should have been earlier..hahaa..anyway think I'll get a pair of earrings to go along as well..since she lost hers earlier..

well that's basically it for 2 days..can't wait to go to gombak base and be a clerk!! damn..OCS..my dream crushed..anyway operation soon..at least I can look forward to soccer again..even if there's no OCS..just hope I don't have to go through bmt again..

Finally, my 7th week is over and I've passed out!! wheeee... ;)

this week was much more tiring than what i expected it to be..probably I got too used to the life of slacking..

Monday was basically area-cleaning day..we just cleaned and cleaned..even at night..and then our PC..2LT Nabil had a talk with us at about 7pm..made us change into smart 4 in 4 min..then asked us what we learnt in our 7 weeks..things like pride, responsibility, accountability, punctuality, teamwork, etc..hmmm..that wasn't the bad part..and at 1130pm, he did it company level..just woke us up..made us fall in and then change into smart 4 again..and this time it took place in the lecture theatre..as dumb as can be..well..we slept at about 1230..and I was terribly tired the next day..this brings us to..

Tuesday..Pass out day..it wasn't anything much actually..just our CSM talking to us on the basketball court because new recruits from Raven were using the lecture theatre..then we had some snack thing..1 kueh and 1 curry puff..hahaa..pretty pathetic..but anyway..time seemed to pass really slowly when you're looking forward to something..went home..took a nap..and woke up late for dinner at marche with my section mates..had a rosti with a chicken sausage..not bad but just a little too ex..then we went to cuppage plaza to lan and play pool..damn I really suck at CS..hahaa..but who cares..

wednesday..I suffered the full effects of noise pollution..stupid neighbour upstairs has to renovate his house..damn noisy with all the drilling works and stuff..can't even listen to the phone..got out some old games to play..red alert and heroes 3..and I ended up playing heroes 3 for 10 consecturive hours!! insanity!!

going to get my posting on friday..really hope it's air ops spec!! but i dunnoe leh..also really looking forward to my operation..2 more weeks..

my journey is nearing the end..a new adventure awaits..

the final full week of bmt just ended..and this week was more slack than any i've every been through..even non-bmt weeks..

monday and tuesday were spent largely for the preparation and execution of the Change of Command..the BMTC sch 2 Commanding Officer was leaving for another camp..during the drive pass..I was selected to salute and shake the outgoing CO's hand on behalf of Raven company..hahaa..cool man..and saluting is actually quite fun..

since wednesday was Vesak Day, we got to book out on tuesday night..there was this option thing that night too..people were asked to volunteer to be in the clearing party..basically to clean up the mess after the party was over..they would have to book out at 11 instead of 815..but they would be able to book out for the weekend on friday night instead of saturday morning..at first I was pretty interested in it..but on hearing that we had to make our way home ourselves from SFT, and our parents were also disallowed from fetching us from SFT, I was totally turned off..hahaa..but I had second thoughts when those who volunteered said that they just had to walk abt 200m down the road and their parents could pick them up..but anyway..it was still alright..I could look forward to a fun night at Tekong..hahaa..contracted fever at night and felt quite shitty..luckily the fever subsided in the morning..

wednesday was no different from the previous weekend..I stayed at home and just wasted the day away..my passion for going out seems to have dissipated to an extent where I find it alright to waste my hours of freedom away..even turned down Junjie who wanted to go watch a show..for the sake of my new computer, I can forego material indulgences for the time being..

thursday..another slack day..woke up with fever..but just a slight one..highest temperature was 36.6..besides I didn't want to visit the Medical Officer which was a complete waste of time..I would probably become even more sick while waiting for my turn..had some saigang to do..carrying rifles to the armouror..oiling and de-oiling them..but basically that was it for the day..the recruits' mess was open at night but I just slept from 8 onwards..only woke up at 1030 to bathe..think I'm quite receptive to light intensity changes when I'm asleep..so I bathed during lights out and the bathroom was rather deserted then already..but still alright..didn't really get freaked out or anything..

friday was the slackest day in bmt..we had nothing to do other than to carry some flags and the wooden holder from the parade square to the HQ..the whole day we just played chess..slept..read..and ate..most of the guys left that night..since a lot were either clearing party..home improvement..or tug or war..Tzu Xiong and I went to section 1 and we had this mini soccer tournament..hahaa..we were the eventual winners..with superior passing shooting and tackling..hahaa..at night Ziyi, Tzu Xiong and I shifted beds to sleep under the fan together..we had some discussion about girls and stuff hahaa..and I really realised that I've not actually took anyone as my girlfriend..due to the things we did..or didn't do..like holding hands..hug..or kiss..feel pretty pathetic..but then again no one taught me these kinda stuff..or do these things need to be taught?

saturday was another slack day..called down to do some saigang..but in the end got sent back to our bunks to await stand by area..waited at white sands over an hour for my parents to come and fetch me..the wait was exasperating and I was totally irritated..they didn't even call to tell me when they would be arriving..so 1 hr of freedom was wasted just like that..but more would follow..by my own hands..I slept the afternoon away..and read about computers on hardwarezone in the night..I think this isn't the time for me to get a new comp when ram prices are so damn fricking high..maybe I should wait until the next computer exhibition in september or december before I commit to a new system..for now..perhaps I should wait for huawei to give me his ps2 or just get one myself and embark on my ffx journey..

sunday..today..slack again..finished my book..battle born by dale brown..not bad..but I doubt his ability as a writer as compared to Tom Clancy..the details of aerial battles are slightly short of what I expected..and the war itself is not well documented..I was really surprised that when the American strike began there was barely 80 pages left..and the story was supposedly meant to be based on the new squadron of B-1B bombers..disappointing..but still a good and easy read..

that should be all for the account of the week..the past week happenings has left me in no doubt as to how I should treat my future girlfriend..and I should be more accepting of the fact that she will not be exclusive to me only..although yea I would want to spend extended time with her..as she would with me..but I believe that I need to understand and recognise the fact that everyone needs their own personal time and space..time spent with other friends as well..I used to be easily bitten by the jealousy bug..like I didn't want Cassandra to be with other people yet I didn't want her to be constantly with me..that was a major major err on my part..it was selfish..and I promise myself that I will not be like that again..there should be mutual respect and confidence given to each other..

I believe girls also suffer from jealousy as much or even more than guys do..or else how could their need for attention be justified? Will they ever be mature enough to understand that they alone do not run the lives of guys? hmmm..well I can't say that I'm mature..but at least I've identified the problem..which is the first step to solving it..

basically that's it..till later..tuesday..i'll be waiting..

Today is Vesak day..so all of us get to come home..after just a mere 3 days in camp..haha..it's also my final week in bmt..let's hope it's going to be really great and enjoyable..with no saigang..

Just have this feeling of disappointment and sadness today..I'm not sure of the reason though..could be some realisation that have just hit me but my conscious mind doesn't want to accept it as the truth and so I can't pin it down..however, my subconsciout is still affected by it to an extent that it can still make me feel bad..I wonder what it could be..the impending completion of BMT?..probably..I'm one who really really hates goodbyes..more on reflections on bmt later..but i know it is not exactly this which bothers me..there is something else which i cannot pinpoint right now..

Been thinking about going to rj and joining band recently..was it a poor decision..was being posted to hwa chong the path I should have taken instead of appealing into rj? There are so many things that I could and probably should have done differently now that I think about them..but can they be changed? definitely and obviously not..but let's just think about the possibilities that could have been if I had gone to hwa chong..or any place else..

There's just one thing about the rafflesian culture in ri that I didn't like..the exclusivity..somehow the idea that the school does things which benefit itself more than the students seems nagging..like the streaming of students into CCAs based on skill instead of using a basis of choice and interest..and the focus on studies and academic achievement..things weren't that bad in ri..since the students there were all guys..and basically guys can understand one another better..

But life at rj is many times different..although it is a rafflesian school..the introduction of girls came as a culture shock at first..but then it wasn't much of a problem..band used to be my passion..but as the year drew by..the passion subsided..probably due to the major misunderstanding that happened between me and everyone else..something which I still can't believe happened..since it wasn't intentional or anything I had planned..what the hell..that was the moment that changed me..people who called themselves my friends could isntantly turn on me..I was hit by something I couldn't see..a dast and crippling blow..I retreated into a shell and felt that life was meaningless..however, I still take pride from the fact that I found the courage and strength to solve my problems and clear up the misunderstandings..the lesson I learnt was to never place complete trust in anyone..something which I had been doing since I was born..another lesson learnt was that passion alone would not result in success..appearances and imnpressions play major roles too..also I had become more pragmatic..good or bad? I don't know but what I'm certain of is that this incident is a turning point in my life..something I will draw strength and hope from in future..

School is about education..rj is about results..although the results are ours..the crazed obsession about examination results still haunts me..the life-sapping competitiveness is detrimental to every aspect of life other than that of being competitive..of course there are a lot of people who don't feel that they have to be better than anyone..but who likes the feeling of being weaker or lousier than others?

There's also this rgs problem..ok it's not an rgs problem..it's an rgssb problem..correction..rgssb batch of 2001 problem..these bunch of girls..what can I say..they are a group of people whose attitudes I don't particularly like..not their general attitudes..but their attitudes in unlearning what they have learnt and learning something new..rimb was a group..acsi band was a group..but why is it that we can break up the confinements of our old groups and form a new group in rjcsb..whereas rgssb girls can't really do that..they still more or less live in a world of their own..like they can't really be very good friends with guys..I don't know..this might not be an rgssb-specific thing..but rather a girl thing..or maybe a rafflesian-girl thing..hmmm..something I should think about when I'm in a clearer state of mind..a time not now..

A thing by being a rafflesian that I feel is something valuable is the rafflesian class..I don't know why..but there's just this aura emanating from rafflesians that differentiates them from others..the confidence? I don't know but there's just something..and it's something I'm glad I have..

Ahhh..putting a finger on what I'm exactly thinking about is a good way to relieve stress..at the end of the day..I'm still proud to be from ri..rjc..proud to be a rafflesian..