Christmas.....

My thoughts on Christmas.....

The past 4 years have been really hard...the holidays are the hardest...


I have no desire to celebrate Christmas.  To some of you, you may find this hard to believe.  I used to be in a festive mood starting in November!  I loved putting up Christmas decorations, bringing some cheer into the holidays!  I loved baking treats and then taking them to all of our friends!  Showing my kids the true meaning of Christmas, by serving other!  Some that did not have what we had...some that may have had some sadness in their lives.  Even though I did this through out the year it seemed to be magical during the Christmas season!


But then it seemed that I was being given my own test and set of trials.  My mother was diagnosed with cancer and a few short months later passed away, just days before Thanksgiving.  She was my cohort in Christmas shopping and baking...even though we were separated by miles we were on the phone multiple times a day with each other.  She would tell me what she was getting everyone.  She would tell me how all the grandchildren were doing.  She would be inspired by my sewing and then start sewing for everyone there in Kansas!  Loosing here some how turned my feelings of Christmas that year numb.  I did not want to do Christmas but went through the motions of it anyways.  I realized that but could not seem to pull myself out of this state.

The other part to my Christmas blues was my marriage had failed...I seperated from my husband and remained separated from 2012 until this October when our divorce was finalized.  I have lived with my Uncle Mike for these years.  And truth be told living with the Grinch of Christmas makes me not even want to talk about Christmas.  I feel as though I have to hide my feelings, because anytime I bring up Christmas or any of the Holidays it seems to be critiqued by him or criticized.  Things like cant you serve all year round why do you have to just do nice things at Christmas time.  Of course even if I said something like I want to serve or I do all year round it does not matter.  My heart is yearning to feel that magic Christmas spirit again but I just can't with Mr. Grinch...  I go out shopping for my kids and feel like I cant get them anything but when Mr. Grinch goes out to get things for his kids and grandkids I'm suppose to be support it and be happy for him.

To me Christmas is not about the presents or the material things in this life.  Christmas is about Christ!  Christmas is about reflections of Christs life and how he served and taught and ministered to all people on this earth!  Christmas is about family and being together forever with the ones you love!  If there are people out there HATE the holidays then they need to look within their own hearts and pray for a mighty change of heart!   Christmas time can be stressful to some but if we keep in our hearts why it is celebrated then we become closer to Christ and our love for others swells and grows deeper just as Christ loves us!  As we reflect on this Christmas season let us remember that Christ is our Savior, he who is mighty to save, he who is the author of happiness, let us look to him as we celebrate!  Let us be like the Wise Men this year and give presents unto the Savior instead of receiving then!

A great teaching moment!

My kids have been bickering and fighting all week long and I had finally had enough of it!  Today we are suppose to go out for a field trip and do some grocery shopping.  But again all they have done was fight fight fight!.... So they were each assigned to write 100 times "I will control my actions and show love to others through my actions."  As I was making breakfast and contemplating hiring a babysitter so I could get the needed groceries we needed for the next 2 weeks my mind reflected on the Savior and what he would do.  I sat there watching my kids write lines...some had excepted and were happy about it and others were murmuring and and complaining about it and still had not excepted the consequence of their actions.  While some of us come to Christ willingly there are some of us that fight and put up a wall...but Christ is always there to show love and mercy to us when we let him.  I called all the kids to breakfast and let them eat.  They were eager to eat and get back to writing and finish so they could go and have fun today!  But the spirit was overwhelming and I knew that a lesson needed to be taught.  I started to teach them of the woman that was brought to the Savior being accused of adultery.  Christ asked those thine accusers if they had sinned...them that had not sinned to cast the first stone....nobody had picked up a stone...instead they had all left because they knew that they were not without sin...And then Christ said to the woman....thy sins are forgiven, go and sin no more.  As I shared that with my children...I had tears streaming down my face...and all the kids were now intently listening and wanting to comfort me.  I imagined that this is how Christ must feel when he sees one of us making mistakes and then realizing what we had done coming to him and asking him to help us.  I then took my kids papers and told them to go and sin no more...the look on their faces were priceless as tears started to well up in their eyes as well.  The mood of our home was different and their attitudes have been amazing.  I know that as we follow the spirit and listen to his guidance we can have happy homes!  God knows each of his children individually!  He knew that I needed this lesson and that my kids needed to know that mercy does exist and that as we work our hardest and do our best that Christ does and will make up the difference!


And then there was the one that did not want to take hold of that mercy and thought that only justice should be carried out.  And so that one finished with the assigned 100 lines without a cheerful attitude.  With out a repentent heart...even when offered mercy.  That road is filled with resentment and anger and many other things that drive the spirit away.  And what do we do for those we continue to pray for them and show love to them even if we know they will turn it away.  Relying wholly on the merits of our Savior trusting that he will make them whole....We always love and never judge!

Taking a try at transposing music!!

I have a favorite song that I have longed to learn on the piano and I could not for the life of me play all 5 flats so today I thought about changing the key!  Brilliant I know...why I didn't think of this like 4 years ago....Today I sat at the piano and played 2 sharps instead of 5 flats and it just came!  I didn't even have to have the notes in front of me!  So maybe my brain can work like this after all!  

I feel as though the fog is finally starting to lift and I am becoming light again!  I love it!!  And the best part of it my brain is returning to some of its normal functions again!!  Like Transposing music...I have not done this sense high school!

Parenting can be rough but it is so worth it in every way possible!

Well there has been a lot that has gone on in the last week with my oldest daughter.  I have hesitated sharing this but I feel as though I should.

My oldest daughter has had many insecurities about who she is and has always sought for the approval of others to find her happiness.  As a result she has had a hard time finding and making new friends.  This is hard for her because she seeks the approval of those friends.  To make things harder when she was in her 5th grade year we both talked it over and prayed about it and decided to take her out of school the middle of her 5th grade year.  She has done well with being at home and learning but I know she has missed the interaction of her peers.  She is blessed to have a few good friends at church.  This year she started a scholar class at a leadership academy.  She has done well with this and I have seen great growth and strength come from what she has accomplished in this class.   But I see her struggle still in finding out who she is.  I fear she compares herself with others and relies on others and things to make her happy.   She has had an attitude at home lately and with that a bit of disrespect for me and her brothers and sisters and the family rules.  I felt impressed to take away all that she has and all her privileges. (This was so far the hardest thing I have had to do as a parent).  She was pretty defiant and did not care that all she had was gone.  Her attitude was that of "I don't care"  It was really hard for me to stay calm.  I just kept praying and remembering that she was and is a daughter of God and asked myself what would Heavenly Father do if he were here?

On one particular night last week I again caught her stealing a big no no in our family.  She had lost everything and so I had to be creative in what I came up with to do take from her.  She loves her shorts and  wears them year round.... and so I did....take away her shorts.  She was furious at me.  She came unglued and became verbally aggressive.  Then she became physically agressive.  And then she tried to cut herself.  It was pretty bad.  In the end I had to call the police, and she did cut herself.  I was terriffied for her and what she must be feeling like inside and I felt so helpless I had no idea how to help her.  I prayed that she would feel some peace, some relief, some type of love.  When the officer came to our door it happened to be the dad of one of her friends in our ward.  I knew that he was sent her from God.  God answers our prayers in ways we never expect and in ways that we sometimes don't understand.  As the night ended she was happy again.  I know that this life was not meant to be a care free easy life, but rather a life of trials mixed with happiness!  A life of constant learning and growing!  It is up to us how we live and how we react to each trial that is given us!

My oldest Daughter has been doing much better this week she has been happy, cheerful, obedient, and honest!  Like I said in a previous post, our children do come with instructions but it is we as parents that must seek out those instructions from who they come from, Heavenly Father!  He is real and he does talk to us but we must seek him out.

We must ponder out what to do in our minds, study, and then take our questions to the Lord, he knows his children and wants us all to return to live with him!  I know that as we take our problems to Him he listens and then answers us.  It is us that must have faith and trust that he will not leave us alone!  My oldest is on a point system for earning her things back and I feel blessed that she has been willing to do this.  She earned 33 out of 35 points last week, I would say that is pretty darn near perfect!  She really is a strong young woman with some pretty hard trials not all of her choosing.  Being a child with parents going through a divorce is probably the hardest thing a child will ever go through.  I hate that all of my kids are going through this I see the pain it has caused them and I wish I could take that pain away from them.  But I know that they will in the end be healed by the atonement.  It just breaks my heart to see them suffer like this.

Anyways hard times makes us stronger in the end.

Lots of love,

Sally

Staying firm does reap rewards

Kids go through hard things which test your limits as parents.  After a very difficult evening with my oldest daughter,  She showed great character, by taking responsibility for her actions. ...even though it was hard for her to do!  She was courageous and made a difficult  decision like an adult would do.   I have to say it was a proud mommy moment.   Had I lost my cool with her or let her see my frustration the outcome could have been oh so different.   Having children of my own and seeing their struggles only helps me to understand the atonement better and the relationship that I have with my Father in Heaven and my Savior Jesus Christ.  What pain they must feel for each of us, but what patience they must exercise... (they could just come down at anytime and relieve us of our pains, but in their wisdom they don't because they see what each trial will do to make us stronger.)   God is in the very fibers of our lives, he loves us each very intimately!   He wants us to learn and grow, that is why we are here!  It is a roller coaster ride with ups and downs....but also there are times we just coast....let us find joy in each stage. ...for in each stage we will learn lessons and those lessons though hard at times bring joy if we look for it!

Sharing time was amazing!

As I had been thinking all week of what to teach these precious sons and daughters of God. I could not for the life of me feel good about any of the ideas that I had.  I thought of playing a game or doing and activity...but I could not wrap my mind around any of those ideas for 100% certainty.  As I pondered and prayed throughout the day I felt a reassuring feeling of peace that I would I know what it was that these children would need to be taught.  My patience was being tested and tried as it was Saturday night 11pm and still not a thing planned.  I tried going to sleep but to no avail, I could not get it off my mind.  I looked at the sharing time theme for the month ..."Following the Teachings of Jesus Christ  Strengthens my Family." I decided to look up online and see if there were any other ideas that I could find.  And decided to talk about what things can strengthen our families.  In big block letters on the chalk board was written "Strengthens".  I asked each child what they did in their family to help make their family stronger.  (A side note...our primary is at times very very rambunctious) But this lesson today had everyone listening and paying attention.  Both Junior and Senior primaries. After going around the room to all the kids and filling in our Strengthens word on the board we talked about a few specific ways that we can help to strengthen our families.  I told the kids some scriptures stories, and the kids were so engrossed in them and I could see in their eyes and feel in my heart that each one of these children were feeling the spirit.  God was baring witness to each of them that through prayer and scripture study and repentance and forgiveness that we can build each other up and help each member of our family to be stronger!  I then challenged each of the kids to go home and find ways that they can strengthen their families!  I sent them home with a paper that had in block letters"Following the teachings of Jesus Christ Strengthens my family", for them to write in each block what they did with their families to strengthen their families. Many of the kids asked if they could bring it back next week to share with everyone what they had done to help strengthen their families!

Who would have thought that being in primary would be such a spiritual high?!  I love love each of these little children, and I have a deep sense of responsibility for each of them!

Teaching Sharing time today!

Living the Teaching of Jesus Christ Strengthens my Family.  I love the gospel of Jesus Christ!  What can we do as we live the teachings of Jesus Christ to strengthen our families.  A few of the things we do in home are Reading the Scriptures!  Jesus asked us to search the Scriptures for in them we will find him.  We also teach our children to pray.  Just as Daniel prayed to be saved from the lions den we too can pray for help and strength to overcome our trials that we are faced with.  We also do Family Home Evening ( once a week an evening is set aside for just family time nothing else), where we teach of what Jesus taught... different principles of how righteous living!  There are many things that we can do to become closer as a family by living Jesus teachings!  What do you do in your family?