parting is such sweet sorrow...

Thank you everyone who followed my blog. What a great experience this has been! After a lifetime of plane rides, I am visiting the family in Alaska. It is wonderful except for the 60 degree weather. :) here are some last thoughts that I sent my professor, which sum up my experience in a nutshell...

Looking back at my initial expectations report, I understand it to be very vague. This represents the fact that I had little knowledge of what to expect by coming to Thailand. I think having little expectations put me into the position of being open-minded and flexible. The depth of what I learned cannot be fully expressed, because it continues to unfold today; nevertheless, among my new understanding, I have been able to discover a social atmosphere, new religious understanding, and some hardships of other counties.
The general atmosphere of kindness and generosity always amazed me, especially in Chiang Mai. It was a social setting that I have not been accustomed to in a city, as it is more familiar to a small town location, but even so, the care for even strangers was surprising. In one instance, a Thai lady introduced herself to us in 7-11, found out we were Christian and gave us her phone number, email, and direction to a nearby church. After we were overcome by her helpfulness, on the way out of the store, she bought us a bag full of fruit! I imagined how I would love to reenact this sort of behavior towards others in the states, but I can’t help but think how this level of involvement in a stranger’s life might be regarded with suspicion.
Due to our focus on religion while in Southeast Asia, I was able to learn and experience so many new areas of spiritual comprehension. I believe this focus was so important, as I came to a consideration that much of the behavior I regard highly in Thai culture comes from, or is reinforced by the local religions. I was able to share my beliefs with many people and in particular my host father. He was very excited to share his culture, history, and spiritual understanding with me. He took me to temples and showed many Buddhist ways of worship and practices to make sure I always felt involved. He also made sure to document every instance with my camera, because he explained I would want to remember these experiences in the future. He was absolutely correct. After the excursion, I was able to attend a Buddhist meditation retreat for two days. I shared my thoughts of the retreat with my host father, and I could see emotion flooding him as he bore his testimony of a calmed mind from meditation and the peace that the temples bring to him. Even with our language barriers, we found a way to share our beliefs with one another. His testimony is as real as mine, and I will always be grateful he shared that with me.
Besides spiritual understanding, another area of interest that seemed to take up a large portion of our BYU students’ long discussions was the hardships of other countries. We often spoke of Cambodia and even after visiting the Killings Fields and Tuol Sleng prison, we were in disbelief that people could be capable of such horrific acts. At first the gruesomeness enveloped my thoughts, and I was somewhat plagued by fear and disgust. Thank goodness my understanding of why we learn of such events didn’t stop there. The meaning of the Cambodian holocaust and other similar events came to the present time. No one can change the past. Agency is a gift that can result in the most beautiful or ugly things. To dwell on such an ugly past is only to understand the present time and influence our decisions for the future. The United States involvement in other countries became so much more important to me. Even the rearing of children and family morals became in dire need, as it seems the best place to teach the power of choices on an individual level. We hear that one person can change the world, but I truly saw it in Cambodia.
The real jewel of my experience came from my host family. Nothing can replace being in such close proximity and connection with a new culture and way of life, than living with this Thai family. I realize now that I can never fully understand what it is to be a Thai, Cambodian, etc., even with fluent language skills. There is a way of understanding and perspective that can only be gained by experience and being raised in a culture, as such, I know that I cannot pass quick judgment. I mean, one cannot pass rash judgment or assume at a national or personal level the perspective of a foreign country or individual. Such assumptions have led to great misunderstandings and poor decisions, or simply, ignorant stereotypes.
I cannot fully express what I have learned and experienced from living in Thailand for three months. I continue to learn from it. All I know is that I am extremely fortunate to have had the opportunity. After talking to people from Thailand and America, I realized what a rare experience this has been. It seems cliché to say that it has changed my life, but it has. I can never remove the new sets of lenses that I gained to view the world with. Thankfully, I believe this is only been the beginning of gaining new outlooks. With new energy and excitement I look forward to experiencing more of this wonderful, diverse world.

Malaysia

In Kuala Lumpur we did a lot of site seeing...

Here I am at a Muslim temple.

Here I am falling off the the tallest twin towers in the world.

Here are the Patronus Twin Towers.

Here is one picture that does not give the grand cave we visited any justice.

Here are a few members of the monkey gang who stole things from people on the way up to the cave.

Cambodia

I had been waiting so long to go to Cambodia. I was interested to see a country where every person was affected by the horrors of the Cambodian holocaust under the rule of the Khmer Rouge and Pol Pot. We flew into Siem Reap and were greeted with such great hospitality by the owner of the hotel. I felt much more at home in Cambodia then in Vietnam, because it has many similarities to Thailand. When talking about the event that took place less than 30 years ago, our tour guide mentioned that he had lost some of his family members and spent much of his younger years in a refugee camp. Everyone we talked to has lost members of their family.
We spent one day at Angkor Wat, which really is no time at all considering how much there is to see. I got sick the night before and I was so worried I wasn’t going to be able to make it out in the blazing heat of Cambodia. Fortunately, my professor was so nice and got me some antibiotics. Along with some meds for my fever, I was set to go..there was no way I was missing Angkor Wat!

What an amazing place. No wonder Cambodia is so proud of it. A huge area filled with massive, beautiful structures dating back to the 12th century. I won’t go into all the detail of where we went and what we saw, but I’ll mention some of my favorites. We visited Ta Prohm temple, which is over grown with huge trees growing from the roofs while their roots drape over the building and plunge into the ground. Here is where we recognized some shots from Tomb Raider where they did some of the filming. I’m still surprised they let them film there…it must have been a good amount of money. ( a famous shot from the movie is seen to the left)Last, but not least, we saw Angkor Wat itself. I don’t even know how to describe it! Huge towers silhouette the back, guarded by a mote and a large, very wide walkway leading to this place that housed many of monks in ancient times. One can learn so much, because so many of the details are still visible, like the drawings carved on the walls that tell stories. One of the interesting things about Angkor are the stairs, which are most hazardous to one’s health. They are very small and very steep. They let tourists still use many of them, but while we were there a girl fell and had to be rushed off to the hospital. Unfortunately, that is not an uncommon occurrence.

oh, also, a wild monkey crawled on my back and looked for bugs in my hair...
The next day we took a bus to Phenom Penh. We knew we were in for a difficult day, because we were scheduled to visit Tuol Slang Prison and the Killing Fields.

WARNING: the next part is somewhat graphic and may not be the most enjoyable to any young readers.

I hesitated on what to write about this day. I won’t give many details, if anyone is interested in that they only need to pick of a copy of “Survival in the Killing Fields,” but this is a large part of what I experienced on this trip, so I will share it.

First we went to Tuol Slang Prison which was a school that was taken over by the Khmer Rouge and used as a torture prison. It was sickly to see a familiar school building turned into a place of gruesome murder. Each room we walked into contained a metal bed and some items, like chains or torture devices, that were left behind. Every room also displayed a picture of the body found in the room by the Vietnamese when the Khmer Rouge left in a hurry. Many things I would have passed without a second glance if it hadn’t have been for our guide. We passed by some monkey bars and large pots of water. He mentioned that they were used for torture and killing. A huge series of rooms were dedicated to hundreds of mug shot photos, they included many, many young people, including women, and children. They were photos of Khmer Rouge convicted and killed of being traitors. The Khmer Rouge became so paranoid they started killing off their own people. They would torture suspected members of their group and demand names, so the victims just gave any name that came to mind. They in turn would follow the same fate. There was no mercy, not even for babies. The Khmer Rouge was crumbling from the inside. Out of all the thousands that came through Tuol Slang only a handful survived.

If that wasn’t enough for one day, we drove out to the killing fields. After reading Survival in the Killing Fields, I imagined they were huge, stretched out fields used as mass graves. I was surprised to see a forest. In front of the forest, there is a huge monument filled with skulls as a remembrance to those who died here. A worn out path leads around some trees to an opening of many, large low spots of earth. Each dip in the ground is a mass grave. Some are roped off, some have signs giving more details of who was buried here or how they were killed, but mostly the graves are unmarked and one could walk across them all. We all wandered off on our own, struggling to comprehend that this quiet place a few years ago was filled with such atrocious acts, and that we stood on the friends and family members of the people we met and loved in Cambodia. While I wandered, I found human teeth and bits of clothing coming up through the path from people walking on it. I wonder when the bones will stop surfacing… Before these events Cambodia had a population of 7 million, afterwards their country was cut by more than a third, leaving them with 4 million people.

This is probably the longest blog ever, but these events had a deep impact on all of us. It was such a short time ago and things like this continue to happen today. Currently in Thailand, refugees are fleeing from Burma. Many of us started to fear. All of the sudden, far away atrocities became real and I no longer felt free from harm. My mortality became so clear. It is hard to even believe that people are capable of such evil. We cannot escape the consequences of other peoples’ decisions, whether good or bad. And so we must come to grips with the fact that every nation; although separate, has many strings connecting it all other areas. One pull on our own string, pulls the rest of the world with us.
I digress. Alyse Johnson read me here blog on Cambodia and I thought she summed up our thoughts completely and beautifully. Rather than try to force it out in my own words I will quote her:

“I found that my thoughts were randomly plagued with scary images, and I became paranoid that something bad might happen. I felt like I was protecting myself by “not letting my guard down”—by facing the fact that bad things happen and they would probably happen to me. But what took me a while to realize was that paranoia and fear were the very elements that caused thing like the Cambodian Killing Fields, and the Jewish Holocaust, and the Rawandan Genocide. Bad things do happen, but I let the possibility of something bad happening cloud the reality of how good still far outweighs the bad. It’s important to learn about the evil of which humans are capable, but we learn it not to let fear overcome our thoughts and actions, but for our thoughts and actions to overcome our fears.”

Vietnam

Hanoi, Vietnam was so unique. Due to the country's history with Europe, the architecure is amazing. The buildings are a fusion of Asian and French style that I absolutely love. Unfortunately, I didn't take any pictures, but hopefully I can borrow some from someone else later.

We were in Hanoi for a really short time, but we made it to the Water Puppet Show. This type of show started in the rice fields. The workers made puppets and controlled their movement with long bamboo rods under the water for entertainment. It was really quite impressing how well they can control the puppets!

We visited Ho-chi-minh...literally. Vietnam loved their leader so much that they have preserved his body. We walked past his body surrounded by guards in a cold, dark room illuminated by red lights. It was a little bit creepy (the cold, dark, red part didn't help), but I'm sure it was all for preservation purposes. :) Our professor believes that if America could have preserved George Washington, they would have done it. probably true...

In Hochiminh City, I can't even express to you how many motorbikes there are. It is insane. Crossing the street gave an adrenaline rush everytime. Traffic does not stop for anyone. You basically close your eyes and cross the street at a steady pace. Do not stop or hesitate! The traffic flows around you like water. I'm pretty sure it's better than bungy jumping...

We visited the Hochiming tunnels that the Vietnamise used during the war with America. We saw the traps they used and the genious of their tunnels where people would sometimes live in for a year. I was able to crawl through one of them, and it was not friendly towards the claustrophobic. You are bent in half the whole time going deeper and deeper into pitch black tunnels feeling your way through. At one point I had to scoot on my back to get through a smaller opening. Later from someone's pictures, we discovered there was a scorpian right where we were crawling. thank goodness no one got stung!

There are definately at least two sides of a story in war. So it is with the "American War"(according to Vietnam) or the "Vietnam War" (according to America). It was such an experience to hear the other side of the story and to see the suffering on both sides. Of course there is so much more to say on this topic, but my internet minutes are running out...

thanks for keeping up with my journey!

Laos

Laos has some of the most beautiful, untouched land in the world. We spent 2 days on the Mekong River in a slow boat.

InLuamprahbang we waited for a huge school of monks at 6am to gain merit by giving sticky rice a handfull at a time. Most monks go get their morning food in small groups or on their own, but in Luamprahbang they have it organized for the community in the same area and there are so many monks and novices! It was a wonderful stream of orange robes coming from the temple.

One of my favorite places in Southeast Asia are the hilltribe villages. We visited one for a very short time in Laos and I loved it. All the children came out and tried to sell us home made goods. The way of life is so simple there and many of the customs and culture of the people are very different from the main body of people in the country, yet they are only a few miles away. Also....the little girls must be so tough carrying around babies on their backs all day!

There are so many more great things to tell, but I think I'll end with the elephants. All day I kept saying how I wanted to see elephants one last time before I left for home. We were at some amazing waterfalls and out of nowhere come some elephants to take a bath! After they were all clean we got to play with them and feed them. It was definately a wish come true, they are so awesome!

Out of town...

Hey just wanted to let you all know that I will be out of Chiang Mai for a few weeks so I probably won't be posting anything new for awhile. We are starting our trip around Southeast Asia tonight. I'm so excited! We are going to Laos, Cambodia, Malaysia, and Vietnam. Wow ay? I'm so lucky.
Alyse and I said goodbye to our students yesterday and it was an overwhelming experience. The teachers made our favorite dish, pad thai and threw a party for us. The students only found out we were leaving the day before, but they made gifts for us. All day long they handed us handmade gifts. If they didn't make anything, they searched throught their bags and gave us something of their own. The little girls kissed our arms and hugged us all day long. I joked with Alyse and told her I was leaving self-esteem behind at Soppoengwittaya School. You just can't beat getting hugged every day and being told you are beautiful every 5 mintues! I can't even express how wonderful it was to be a part of our 400 students' lives. They taught us so much more than we could teach them.

Hill Tribe Trek

sweeeeet. first day-hiked 15 miles through the most beautiful country. It was so surreal the whole time. I regret all the times I looked down to avoid falling and missed some beautiful scene. We passed through some villages known as the "hill tribes." Life is very simple and beautiful. Their farming is the amazing. Rows of well kept crops climb the hill sides dodging large rocks that were too big to move.
At the end of our hiking we met some elephants and they gave us a ride the rest of the way to the village where we would be staying for the night. Our elephant was 40 years old female and our "driver" was 15 years old. It felt so weird climbing up on the elephant. I clumsly got up digging my knees and elbows into her, but she didn't seem to notice. I can't believe how strong they are! The whole time all the elephants just slowly stroll along eating with their trunk along the way. Our young driver was way cool and let me sit on the elephants head. Her big ears kept swinging back and hitting my legs. baaaa it was so awesome.
At the village we stayed in a bamboo hut. The food was great. afterwards around the fire, the children, dressed in their traditional clothes, sang songs for us. In return we sang some for them too.
The next day, after some more hiking we ended the day by rafting on bamboo rafts. We had guides who played along with our groups rebellion against a peaceful ride. Everyone was soon throwing each other in the brown river. At our destination, our guides pulled the rafts on shore and we all soon came floating along behind, soaked and never better. Although....I don't know if its from the water, but now my left arm is in need of a dermatologist...nothing tooooo bad !

Grandpa's Birthday!

My host family took me to Nan provience last weekend to celebrate their Grandfather's 100th birthday. It ended up being a huge celebration. There were so many family members there and some monks came from the local temple to pray. Late at night the family broke out the karaoke machine and after a few drinks they were ready to sing haha. I sang a little too, but they only had a few English songs, all of which I had never heard of. The next day we went to the temple and I made merit in different cerimonies. I had the greatest times with the kids (as usual). One little boy would grap my hand and drag me around the neighborhood. As we passed each house he'd yell something I couldn't understand. I think it had something to do with "look at my new white girlfriend" because all the people would come out of their homes and laugh as he wrapped his arm around my waist. haha.

I also have 2 arranged marriages now from father's looking for their sons. hah...we'll see about that :) something was definately lost in translation

This kids in this pic I met at a volleyball court. they were way cool. its crazy cuz they took so many pictures of me. I forget that my white skin is so loved here! (Did I mention that bleaching your skin here is very popular?...Its about as smart as a tanning bed I suppose)

My Host Family

I moved out of the University dorms in with a host family. I won't lie, the transition wasn't the easiest at first. I went from complete freedom in Chiang Mai to the awkwardness of living in a home outside of the city with limited communication skills. I wasn't sure how to properly greet people or how to eat the food etc etc. Luckily, my host family is awesome and super nice. In about 2 days, I realized that I am getting a once and a lifetime opportunity and am learning so much more than I could alone. My host Dad, Pi-mo is a professor of electrical engineering and is a retired cop. There are some billboards around town with his picture on them advertising the police force. My host mom, Pi-A, is a teacher at the school I teach at and she is an excellent traditional Thai dancer. Soon she is going to teach me..I can't wait! They have two children, Suteme and Jetja. Suteme is 12 years old and goes to school 7 days a week learning English and Chinese on the weekends. Jetja is 6 years old and is the cutest girl ever. I think that we communicate the best. That seems to be the case with children, because you can play! :)

Trip to Burma

what an awesome trip. We needed to go get our visas renewed so we took about a 5 hour drive to Burma/ Myanmar. For any of you who have been following the latest on this county's political and natural disaster struggles, it is kind of hard to believe that we were allowed to go in at all. We were, under several circumstances. We had to leave our passports at the boarder (to ensure we would return). There is only a small area that we are permitted to see. Apparently you could only stay in the country for 24 hours, but when we went it was extended to 14 days. It was amazing to see the changes that a happened just by crossing a bridge. We were in the tourist area and yet there was a noticable difference in economy and way of life. I really can't explain what we all experienced in the few hours that we were there, but it just made us want to go further and see more. (I should mention that we were not in the area where the cyclone hit). I can't believe what has happened to the people of Burma in such a short time.

Buddha's Birthday

Sunday night the whole city hikes 17 Kilometers on a closed off road to the temple on a mountain. This is to celebrate Buddha’s birth, death, and enlightenment. The hike starts at 7:39pm and goes all night long. We joined in the hot march around 10pm and arrived around 2am. There were vendors all along the way. There were monks and worship areas adorning the sides of the street. There were very old people making the journey, which I was impressed by because it wasn’t exactly easy and there were a lot of teenagers hanging out and having fun on their annual trip to the temple…kind of like an excuse to stay out all night. It was incredibly crowded at the top of the mountain. I didn’t even make it to the actual temple (luckily I went the day before). I just stopped and ate chocolate, banana waffles on a stick. It was heavenly. We were pretty much the only white people there and a few people snapped pictures of us.

...right after we reached the top

check out the slide show for more super pics

Monkeys, Butterflies, and Snakes! Oh My!

We did a city tour and did more of the tourist type activities.
The Butterfly Farm was beautiful surrounded in flowers and butterflies....uh yes.

The Snake Farm was a rush of adrenaline. During the show, the performers would come close to death every so often by provoking King Cobras. A sign close by read, “While, the show, please be seated! If there is any danger we will not be responsible.” The would let the snakes come very close to the stands and at the last minute snatch them up. They also let us hold a python. Luckily I don’t mind snakes too much..until it started wrapping tighter around my neck I got a little nervous. Towards the end of the show they presented a jumping snake to us. They had some difficulty getting it out of the box until it flew across the stage and onto Brighton, who was sitting right next to me. I remember a lot of things went through my head as the snake glided through the air…”This is it. I guess I die in Thailand” “It must not be poisonous. They wouldn’t throw a deadly snake into a crowd….or would they?” Gratefully, the last thought was “Oh phew!!, it’s a rope” hah good joke they played. They played theme music the whole performance. Anyone who has seen Arrested Development and Job’s magic performances will know the song they played. It was seriously one of the coolest things ever. I have a video of it that I can hopefully post.

The Monkey Farm was just as cool but slightly sad. There was something about an animal with such high intelligence and human-like features that made our group more sensitive to their captivity. This is not to give any opinion one way or the other, but an attempt to explain why none of us could really laugh or get excited during the show or while touring the area. Nevertheless, it was awesome to see such great animals.
The monkeys were so rambunctious! Any object on you was theirs and they would do whatever they could to get it. While playing with the baby monkey, he/she attacked me while trying to gain my camera case and sun glasses. Cute, but very mischievous!

The Falls

Gorgeous beautiful out of this world. The hike to the falls was amazing. The plants and animals are so different from what I am used to when hiking in Northwest America. Everything was really slippery due to the humidity and plant life. I fell quite a few times, as displayed here:

forecasting good weather

Sunday started out with a bang. I opened my grocery bag of goodies and greedily reached in for a treat. Too bad a lizard had gotten there first..I screamed and threw the bag on the floor. After much excitement, Alyse and I realized we were both standing on our beds with no intention of coming down for awhile. Then we thought it good form to capture the lizard with photography, so we tempted it out of the bag. Man, those things are fast! --If this were a novel, here the author would say, "Little did Alyse and Jessica know, this would not be the last of their battles with the animal kingdom."
Church was so great. We arrived a little bit late because the staff at our hotel insisted that we have breakfast. I was surprised at how many visitors were there. Anyone who doesn't speak Thai can wear a set of headphones and a missionary in the back translates on a microphone. The other visitors were students from Utah traveling through (small world). It was really great to see how the gospel of Jesus Christ is the same everywhere you go. I really felt like I was back at home. The only difference that stood out was when people would mention how long they have been members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It was usually about 3-4 years. I am so impressed with their faith and knowledge. I look forward to getting to know all of them better. This Wednesday they asked us to teach the youth an American dance for an activity. I think we'll hold back on the hip hop and teach some fox trot or swing haha.
Later, one of the families at Church, the Dangs, took us to some hot springs. It took quite awhile to get there and I thought it was going to be in this remote place, but it ended up being more like a park. It was really beautiful there. We swam in the hot spring, while people cooked eggs further up where the water was hotter. It started to rain and it was awesome. The weather here is incredible. It is always nice, even if it is raining.---I also must mention that it also does wonders for the skin and hair. We all marvel at how soft our skin is now. (take that Utah!) jk
Alyse and I were suppose to be going to our host families tomorrow, but as we have been taught in Southeast Asia: plans change. Instead we are staying at the University until May 23rd. Its not a bad change at all. We will start teaching English tomorrow and it will be fun to be with the rest of the group before I get shipped off about an hour out of town. Anyway, things are good, the shopping is incredible. I put more pics up, so check those out :)...oh yes, last night we battled a mouse under Alyse's bed. I hesitated to write that, because I fear for my mother's phobia.

Sawadee Ka!

Day 4 and still going strong. We've done lots of cool things so far. We are still at our hotel and won't go to our host families until around Tuesday. Thailand is not exactly what I was expecting. I don't know what I was imagining, but I always feel surprised. We have manly been in the city. We hang out at this huge and confusing mall called Central a lot. It is so interesting to see how much American influence is everywhere. All the music you hear in the store is 99% pop american music. Most of the advertisements for department stores are from the west. We went to the movie, Iron Man last night and I almost forgot I was in Thailand, but then the national anthem jugged my memory. (Before every movie in Thailand, everyone stands and a tribute to the King is played). Despite the western influence there are strong traditional roots here. Yesterday, Alyse and I hired a driver to take us to a few Wats or Buddhist temples. They are absolutely gorgeous and I really respect the reverence and devotion the people have for their religion.

Yesterday was great because some more people from our group arrived and joined us. It was great to see some familiar faces. Although we couldn't really blend in as much, as we were a white herd of people running around.

We went to a restaurant and were really confused by the crock pots on each table, but started ordering food anyway. The waitress didn't seem to understand us and kept waiting...so we kept ordering more food...later that night we found out that we were suppose to order food to put into a crock pot and make soup for ourselves. ahh, whod a thought?

Also, I have eaten a few things the last few days that I would never normally touch. Especially considering I am a germ freak. We went to this awesome place last night. The food was great, but one must ignore the flies on all the food and the raw meat left out to fully enjoy. Don't worry mom I'm still ok! Maybe we are just tooo careful in America. haha

I feel that there is so much to say...but I don't know what to say! Check out the pictures I posted as a slideshow. Ask me any questions you might have...maybe that will help my brain flow. Thanks!

Made it!!!

Yea! I'm finally here! After who knows how many days of flying, I have arrived in Thailand. It is so surreal, I don't even really know how I got here. Alyse and I have been here for just a couple hours now. We checked into our hotel which is very cool. Only $28 a night and it is perfect, with really old wood furniture. it looks like we walked into a picture or a movie...I can't really explain it, I'll put up a picture later. I just must say that the singapore airport is lovely and so clean, accept for the small bugs on the bagels and the intimidation of the security guards carrying AK-47s and sabers in their back pockets. Alyse kindly reminded me that my gum chewing in Singapore is illegal...no wonder I got some looks.
I will write again soon and post some awesome pics!