Lil Kieran has such a sharp nose..tiny mouth and almond eyes..long limbs..melodic crying..soft hair..tender and rosy complexion..cant help but melt at the sight of him..so glad to be part of your life! You are the joy of your parents and those around.=)
went with CX and Suhui to Ps Kieran's place to see lil Kieran yest.. carrying him ..was memorable. heh..lil Kieran..rem Auntie Serene were the one of the honourable few to carry you when you were just a week old! Heh..that would be my mini achievement as an Auntie... ha. gosh...official Auntie..yes 23 already should be Auntie and not jie-jie le....sigh...but nv..cos i have such an adorable baby to hold! Lil Kieran, you must rem us even when u start running! *winks
ps: i hate cramps!!!!! They are so DREADFUL! caused me to stay home today. thankfully i feel so much better now.. oh man..giving birth is worse...*faints
Jesus, teach me how to be helpful to mummy, to bro and sis, to this family you've put me in. feel so useless most of the time, really hope i can be of help.
i desire so much now to be free-spirited once again...where nothing much will fazzle me
much dont daunt me
nothing can threaten me
nothing can throw me off balance
free to laugh
free to cry
free to smile
free to be crazy
free to be outrageous
free to be unafraid
free to express
free to enjoy
free to have silly fun
free to be silly
free to speak my mind
free to pose in whatever way i like
Labels: i want my wings back so i can fly again.
i guess i was really bo liao..i spent close to an hour reading someone else's blog- someone i dont even know! heh...i never knew a stranger's life would arouse my interest so much...well i guess i was really bo liao...
...but her blog really captivates me cos she has what i do not have..yes..i envy so much.
REALITY CHECK---> i am not her.
there is a lot of truth to say that in r/s, gals r usually the ones who get the shorter end of the stick. i say usually, not always. i think it is bcos gals usually invest more of themselves and their emotions and time in r/s. i am not saying guys dont.. but gals feel more..thats why they will feel hurt more.
all gals want to love and be loved by that special someone in their lives..
and when they are not...well..it is almost unbearable..
dont really want to talk abt matters of the heart again..i realised i've mentioned it 3 x already this week. its an issue i am quite helpless about..so i shant be presumptous and talk so much abt it.
i went to visit XY at the place she is staying currently yest. And i really think it is quite fun to stay away from home! i can imagine it is such an adventure-without the prying eyes of parents, away from noisy siblings, and moving into a totally new env with so many things to explore! Woa! Even though still on little red dot island, but it is a totally fresh experience! I believe staying away also teaches independence, wisdom, financial managment, how to manage/maintain a home and to cherish what our pa and ma has done for us! Living outside brings us away from our familiar comfort zones and live-in necessities. Living outside- a time when we most probably learn to live without- without much of our comfort. That's a sure way to grow up, isnt it? heh...just talking abt it, i have this urge to also stay outside! i'm not saying this out of rebellion agst my family or angst...i am serious. I believe learning to live like that will make me a better person. probably yes i can expect more bumps than excites, but maybe i will learn to grow up..to mature into the person i nv knew i could be. perhaps testing of my limits would bring me to a new level of understanding myself. stretching myself could be the start of discovering the me i nv knew.
sometimes, i secretly wished i was more than who i am now. i wished that i could be:
more confident
more brave
more sporty
take myself and others less seriously
more wise in relationships
really mean what i say and do it
less rash
whine more- so i dont always have to hide inside my shell and cry.
be more concerned about my family and not my own problems
more discerning when making decisions or evaluation
more conscientious when i was in school! -i relished skipping lessons but i also regretted skipping them. I let my As flew too easily..
more loving towards my family and close friends- they mean more to me than any possessions.
always walking close with God. -i always like to stray away..till it gets too hard and i cant handle it..
the person i wished i am was never me.
me was never quite the person i thought i would turn out to be.
i'm feel once again that sense of helplessness
that creeps in everytime when i feel so alone
i am upset i cannot do anything to change anything
yet all i am able to do
i delay in doing
Lord,show me what this is all about
what am i always hoping for what i do not have
and why am i not contented with what you 've not chosen to give
why do i always resort to my own way?
when i know deep down inside
You're the one who really cares
and You wouldnt leave me alone to face
this ardous road i'm on
Lord, forgive me for the wrong turns i've made
i always overlook your waring signs
and insist on turning into the Restricted Zone
Now i am inside yet i cant see anything here
i cant find my way out
and I am missing the light
i am waiting for nothing, for no one
Its empty here
Lord what should i do?
Why dont i learn?
By right, i should remember all the right turns
And now i find myself
At the Restricted Zone
Will i choose right for the one last time?
ah......help me...so fan after tonight...wondered whether i was being helpful...if i was!ah.....feel so fan , actually i dunno for what... not really abt myself also....i did another thing while waiting...and i began to regret it now...cos i did not receive any reply.maybe i was naive to think i would get one.maybe i was naive to think r/s would really be so simple.was i really being naive or simple-minded?is there a diff?
i think too much le i think.heh.its harder than i think.
guess each of these quotes will speak to different one of us.."..the reason you need to forgive him is because he's wrong. If he were right, you wouldnt need to forgive him!""You cant hate very well when you are trying to love. Genuine forgiveness always manifests itself in love.""Forgiveness in your will is like opening a door so there can forgiveness in the emotions.""The more deeply and fully we can forgive, the more the Holy Spirit is going to be able to fill us with His joy, peace, power and love.""There is, then, a kind of forgiving which is a sheer act of the will. You forgive because God has told you to, because if you dont forgive, you will block your fellowship with God.""Remember, too, when you dont forgive your enemy, you are still being controlled to some extent by that person.""If you dont forgive, you may also do to others what was done to you.""..the best way to protect yourself against anyone who ha enmity against you, is to forgive them!""Forgiving others, and receiving forgiveness, sets you free to love God and reach His highest potential for your life.""It is possible to live without holding any unforgiveness in your heart against anyone.""From the cross, Jeus forgave you unconditionally, yet you needed to accept Him and His forgiveness to make it yours. Through Him too, you, too will be able to forgive others-unconditionally."Labels: adapted from "Emotionally free"- Rita Bennett
YES! U sense the EXCITEMENT at the mention...YES. I simply lurveeee and adorrrrrrree them.. WHO wouldn't??? Woa....seen 4 little cuties so far last week- Joyce's colleague (Handsome Joshua), Jess's elder brother (Cheeky Jun Rui ), and below my colleague San San (Little Princess Xiwen) and Ps Kieran's son (haven named yet, i call him Little Kieran for now..) !!!! ALL are so adorable....and i guess it is worth the PAIN la.
Babies are God given.
Princess Xiwen!!!
Little Kieran!!! 
1) Guitar Lessons
started learning last month..and attended 2x le.. hmmm i am learning from James L and i find that he is really VERY PASSIONATE about his guitar! Its true! If u observe the way he plays it, you would instantly sense his passion. WOA. Ha...he teaches me FOC..so i am very grateful for that kind gesture. really thankful for him..cos i mean he is really kind to teach me FOC and thou it inconveniences him (cos he has to bring his guitar along for every session, takes time out to teach me ..), he is still very nice about it.
Appreciate him man! yes it is painful to press and strum @ the same time lor...ha..cos now i do the right way...last time not pain cos i do wrongly. Yes lor..no pain no gain! was feeling quite depressed at the last lesson cos i think i would nv be able to master the guitar, cos it looks so complicated! yet James encouraged me and said i was doing better than when he first started! He learnt the guitar by himself..ya..so i felt better...but still at a very basic level...maybe i need more practice..maybe i expect too much from myself? only 2nd lesson...hai..but i want to master it and be able to play in the shortest possible time....mission impossible..?
2) D-word
has been bothered by this word since 2 weeks ago...dunno if i should tell more people abt it..cos afterall, it is not something everyone should know..just hope everything will go well and settled ASAP cos i want my life to resume its NORM ASAP. just talking abt this D word either makes my blood boil or leaves me helpless...so yes, i want it over and done with SOON.
3) Ministry involvement
has been involved in some ministry programs..and i would say they have been very fulfilling. Doing things that i like and doing them for doing sake really makes a huge difference. When i do what i like, i dont complain!....ha. i guess it is really different in another sense bcos of how others make me feel as well. i really feel that my leaders they believe in me and thats why they give me the space and opportunity to be involved. of cos i try my best not to disappoint them. And it is really satisfying to do the things i do now. I also feel supported and believed. And when people believe in you, it is such a confidence booster. =) I am more sure this is really what i want. i am now clearer how i want to lead my life. Sorry, the rat in the race, u are out. =)
4) 终生幸福
hmmm...i wouldnt have talked about this if my dearest friend, Yin, had not brought it up during dinner last night. k..own up, how many of you out there are concerned about my 终生幸福? k, or i should ask how many isnt? aiyo...friends...r more gan chiong than me...tell me.."what do u want me to do?" ask guys to chase me? Join SDU?
ha...kk..i know u all r concerned la...i am also concerned about this aspect of my life. But i believe such things is 可欲不可求, not say i desire it, means i will have it..so i guess the only way is to wait. no matter how open this society has become, i still believe in guys taking the intiative. i really appreciate ur concern for me being left out, but u and i know such things cannot be hurried. dont feel bad..i am now living life to the full for Jesus..i am happy and i know i have no lack. If God wills, he will allow me to meet my other half, but i guess HE is telling me now "In My timing." So i'll wait. =) Meanwhile, the sweetest thing you can do for me is to pray for me! I would appreciate that very much. =) Pray for God's will in my life ya? Cos His will is the best. =)
hmmm...i think i've said enuff...kinda think i am quite long-winded...HA.
i couldnt get to sleep..another sleepless night. i am really a night person..sheeezz..dont think i like that cos it means my bio clock will be very different from most. that can be a hassle or...
well i din come online to blog about my bio clock..
dunno why my mind like to do a lot of reflection only in the night..harlow..brainy, i cant sleep if u are so active! so well, since i cant get to sleep now..i thought i can blog abt what is going on in my brainy...
earlier on i was reading a book...(is that the reason why my mind is so active and refuses to shut down?) ya..i was reading a book by Rita Bennett on Emotionally Free. this book talks about how we can let God come and heal our past hurts and the various accounts of different people who have experienced God's healing in their emotional hurts and how they are set free by God to love and to forgive. It was so well written and poignant that i just couldnt put the book down! even as i read the experiences of man and woman who shared about how God healed them of their hurts, i am reminded of the times in my life where God came and comforted, assured and healed me of my emotional hurts. Certainly, Jesus isnt just a God who is able to heal the external, He is also able to heal the internal! Afterall, Jesus specialises in saving souls! This book also defines the differences between spirit, soul and body. It goes on to define that soul is that part of us which is "psychological nature: emotions,, intellect and will-my feelings, my thoughts, and my desires and drives." And what's interesting to note is "If you have received Jesus, you are a member of the Kingdom. You are in! Your spirit has been saved, rescued. Your soul has been saved for eternity also, but it needs to go on being saved everyday, as it listen to the Spirit of God, growing stronger, defeating Satan's attacks." It continues "So it is the soul, or psychological nature, that needs healing from the hurts of the past."
woa..suddenly i was enlightened..and remembering my previous post abt spiritual oppression, i am now getting some answers..
and as i reflect on my own journey with God, i have also on many occasions experienced God helping me with my emotional hurts. Now everything makes more sense.. and yes i am really nothing without Jesus. Without Jesus, i would still be living in my Hurt and Fearful Child. Without Jesus, i would still be living in anger and bitterness. Without Jesus, i would still be that low-self esteem and insecure person. Without Jesus, i would never know what it feels like to be a winner. (its true! since young, i have never known how it is like to win. I never win in relays, never win prizes at luck draws, never won anything in school worthy of praise, never win at any card games i play, never win at any blackjack during CNY, i ALWAYS LOSE) yes, it was very sad. So my relatives think that i am cursed or something...super suay they called it. So i grew up never knowng what it is like to win. And u could probably imagine how pathetic my self-esteem was. Cos of this, i begin to feel and think like a loser. I knew i would lose even before i played anything. It got worse if my team loses, i would think it was bcos i was in that team. That bad. When i accepted Jesus in my life, things start to change. I started winning, literally! For the very first time, i truly experienced what it feels like to win. I started to win at games, started to get "lucky" as most call it. Of cos, i didn't win everytime, but i began to see that i was winning more than i was losing! And my self-esteem rose together with my self-confidence. Indeed, without Jesus, who am i ? I am nothing! And i am really grateful to God for all these "wins" bcos they really boosted my self image and confidence. Most importantly, when others have brought me down and think that i cant amount to anything great, God tells me something else- "With Me, you can." And that is how God slowly healed my low self-esteem and led me to believe in myself. If there is one person cheering on for me as i journey this life, it would have to be Jesus. And He is the loudest.
His cheers brought me to where i am today. Jesus believed in me enough to give up his life. everything i didn't think i could do or achieve, God says "i know you cant do this by yourself, let me help you."
and i am forever changed by this truth.
the truth of the love of Jesus.
indeed, i am nothing without Jesus.
I love Jesus deep down in my heart!!!
kk. this was the evidence of me and En En fighting over who should finish the xi gua....ha...really we all quite sick of eating the xi gua...and this was like at 11plus pm...eat xi gua...
yunxin looked so happy with her horse!!!
Fruits bing hu lu....looks nice but not very nice...ha...
always c it on TV...now i really see these selling like an ordinary food....yuckss....
at the grassland! yes, cannot find in sg....
Horseriding was fun but actually i was very scared stiff! Thankfully my horse very tame...Ps cuixian's one....scared her to death man..cos it doesnt listen to instructions....ha...u should have seen ps's face! heex!
i am finally inside the forbidden city! super huge place....Cuixian and i spent 3-4hrs in there and we only finished touring 3/4 of the place!
Cuixian singing!
Our horses!!! i actually chose the white horse as my prince charming...but by some chance, it became someone else cos the trainer said the white horse let a guy take it.... sobs sobs....but ok la i have mine horse....which is very guai!
could u sense my apprehension and fear of horseriding?
Mongolian fare.
Its obvious how contented we are with the food..
This musical fountain place is just so amazing! and mermisrising! but too bad we din really enjoyed it ..cos this was the place where we went and lost Cuixian, Grace and Yun Yun. The taxi dropped them off at another end of the square..! so we spent close to 2 hrs looking for them..then when we convinced ourselves they'd be alright, we went to take pics...this fountain is supposedly to be Asia's highest. Sure looks like it ..
as an illustration of how big we think this xi gua is...ha...really i develop of a phobia of xi gua when i was there...cos we were served many many in a day! eat until scared! but very nice and sweet....quite diffferent from sg one ah...ours are more round..
Us inside the meng gu bao...so coool right? nice experience....inside is very cosy cos they put lots of carpet and cushions..
kkz...ya in the end instead of games, the students wanted us to teach them worship songs...so i asked Grace to help me...woa...this was indeed a first for me...teaching a group of youths to sing worship songs...thank God nv go out of tune! HA...was fulfilling...afterall, just using what God has blessed me...it is indeed blessed to give.
the lao shi(s)!!! The students were so warm...all the lao shis, they make sure we are well-fed and looked after...really very tie xin...see that pot of flowers? 1 student squatted to hold it up for us though we did not request for it....so nice...
kkkz...actually i hesitated whether i should post the toilet here...but since it is part of my experience, i shall also include it...yes toilet there (at the village) is this rectangular hole...no flush system..can imagine the smell right? i shall spare u the gross details...just to let u know i took 2 days to overcome my fear of using it.
i dunno who took this pic! but i suspect is cuixian, cos she likes to take such without-ur-knowledge shots. but in a way i like the way this pic portaryed my feelings too...i cant really recall how i felt then,and what kind of expression that was. all i know is , in this pic i was giving the instructions for the games...and i was on the verge of vommiting blood!! 
This was when Yunxin taught them the pen and paper way of sharing the gospel. Yes, in chinese. =)
I was helping to write the lyrics...in fact i was perspiring all over cos the room was very humid and hot...but no pain, no gain la! still very happy to be able to serve!
I've never seen an entire stalk of sunflower before....so nice right?
thats what we cover ourselves with when we sleep...
Fruits! Plenty of them! We had watermelons, peaches, apples, plums...almost everyday after each meal,erm...very good fibre intake..ha.! 
The way to the village...garbage la..pebbles...uneven ground..
we had the chance to wear mongolian costume! 
Yun Yun looked so pretty right? nods..no flower not we pluck one...!
My mischievous acquaintance! So cute la...but very spoilt ..but likes to grab attention....HA... should have seen his funny antics! He sings worship all out a sudden...ha..and very loudly too! SO ADORABLE.
Ha...bet we will not find this signpost in SG!!!
oh, the scenery taken from inside the train. It was a super long 12 hrs ride!!!! But nice scenery towards the end...! how many miles have we travelled man.....
Food at the Ah Yi's place! All we never seen or eaten before...but quite nice...can adapt.. i know they have this flour, sugar pastry that Cuixian and i tried..which was very yummy! why nv sell in Sg? overall, the food we had was nice! woa...their mutton ma lai steamboat is v good.. really their mutton is very fresh and no smell one!
one of my fave pictures! Ah Yi took us to this park..and we took the chance to enjoy ourselves while we are there!
those were the highlights and of cos the youth camps pics which i nv post here. u know, just over a period of 2 weeks in China, i took over 300 photos! I got a shock man...so many! cant believe it...still had to buy 1 more memory card when i was there....whenever i look at the photos, memories just flood back...though it was tiring conducting the camps..i definitely had no regrets! Cos i learnt so much there...and it is heartening to know, as a Christian, whenever u go, u are part of a big family, all over the world! Praise God! dear, really miss those times with them...
To really know what missions is like, experience is still the best. Go for one! You'll see God's move and God's heart and God's people. Bet it will be an UNFORGETTABLE one.
=)
As we get older, birthdays become means for gatherings...ha..friends r so busy nowadays that only on your bday u get to see them...sad isnt it? nevertheless...birthdays are meant to be celebrated! either with a bunch of good friends or with family.
Happy Birthday Joyce!
Joyce n Lilian
Joyce n Jess
Joyce n Mic
The grp!
Joyce n i
The gals
Joyce what wish did u make?
Happy lady.
The yummy cheesecake.
Lil Kieran has such a sharp nose..tiny mouth and almond eyes..long limbs..melodic crying..soft hair..tender and rosy complexion..
i desire so much now to be free-spirited once again...
Princess Xiwen!!!
Little Kieran!!! 
kk. this was the evidence of me and En En fighting over who should finish the xi gua....ha...really we all quite sick of eating the xi gua...and this was like at 11plus pm...eat xi gua...
yunxin looked so happy with her horse!!!
Fruits bing hu lu....looks nice but not very nice...ha...
always c it on TV...now i really see these selling like an ordinary food....yuckss....
at the grassland! yes, cannot find in sg....
Horseriding was fun but actually i was very scared stiff! Thankfully my horse very tame...Ps cuixian's one....scared her to death man..cos it doesnt listen to instructions....ha...u should have seen ps's face! heex!
i am finally inside the forbidden city! super huge place....Cuixian and i spent 3-4hrs in there and we only finished touring 3/4 of the place!
Cuixian singing!
Our horses!!! i actually chose the white horse as my prince charming...but by some chance, it became someone else cos the trainer said the white horse let a guy take it.... sobs sobs....but ok la i have mine horse....which is very guai!
could u sense my apprehension and fear of horseriding?
Mongolian fare.
Its obvious how contented we are with the food..
This musical fountain place is just so amazing! and mermisrising! but too bad we din really enjoyed it ..cos this was the place where we went and lost Cuixian, Grace and Yun Yun. The taxi dropped them off at another end of the square..! so we spent close to 2 hrs looking for them..then when we convinced ourselves they'd be alright, we went to take pics...this fountain is supposedly to be Asia's highest. Sure looks like it ..
as an illustration of how big we think this xi gua is...ha...really i develop of a phobia of xi gua when i was there...cos we were served many many in a day! eat until scared! but very nice and sweet....quite diffferent from sg one ah...ours are more round..
Us inside the meng gu bao...so coool right? nice experience....inside is very cosy cos they put lots of carpet and cushions..
kkz...ya in the end instead of games, the students wanted us to teach them worship songs...so i asked Grace to help me...woa...this was indeed a first for me...teaching a group of youths to sing worship songs...thank God nv go out of tune! HA...was fulfilling...afterall, just using what God has blessed me...it is indeed blessed to give.
the lao shi(s)!!! The students were so warm...all the lao shis, they make sure we are well-fed and looked after...really very tie xin...see that pot of flowers? 1 student squatted to hold it up for us though we did not request for it....so nice...
kkkz...actually i hesitated whether i should post the toilet here...but since it is part of my experience, i shall also include it...yes toilet there (at the village) is this rectangular hole...no flush system..can imagine the smell right? i shall spare u the gross details...just to let u know i took 2 days to overcome my fear of using it.
i dunno who took this pic! but i suspect is cuixian, cos she likes to take such without-ur-knowledge shots. but in a way i like the way this pic portaryed my feelings too...i cant really recall how i felt then,and what kind of expression that was. all i know is , in this pic i was giving the instructions for the games...and i was on the verge of vommiting blood!! 
This was when Yunxin taught them the pen and paper way of sharing the gospel. Yes, in chinese. =)
I was helping to write the lyrics...in fact i was perspiring all over cos the room was very humid and hot...but no pain, no gain la! still very happy to be able to serve!
I've never seen an entire stalk of sunflower before....so nice right?
thats what we cover ourselves with when we sleep...
Fruits! Plenty of them! We had watermelons, peaches, apples, plums...almost everyday after each meal,erm...very good fibre intake..ha.! 
The way to the village...garbage la..pebbles...uneven ground..
we had the chance to wear mongolian costume! 
Yun Yun looked so pretty right? nods..no flower not we pluck one...!
My mischievous acquaintance! So cute la...but very spoilt ..but likes to grab attention....HA... should have seen his funny antics! He sings worship all out a sudden...ha..and very loudly too! SO ADORABLE.
Ha...bet we will not find this signpost in SG!!!
oh, the scenery taken from inside the train. It was a super long 12 hrs ride!!!! But nice scenery towards the end...! how many miles have we travelled man.....
Food at the Ah Yi's place! All we never seen or eaten before...but quite nice...can adapt.. i know they have this flour, sugar pastry that Cuixian and i tried..which was very yummy! why nv sell in Sg? overall, the food we had was nice! woa...their mutton ma lai steamboat is v good.. really their mutton is very fresh and no smell one!
one of my fave pictures! Ah Yi took us to this park..and we took the chance to enjoy ourselves while we are there!
Joyce n Lilian
Joyce n Jess
Joyce n Mic
The grp!
Joyce n i
The gals
Joyce what wish did u make?
Happy lady.
The yummy cheesecake. 