hello,

My name is White White.

If only all things can also be categorized as easily.

White White likes onion rings. The only food he will ever get.

Is anyone even paying attention?

White White is a monster.

This is White White. (:

changes.

Just want to sleep.

meow.

distance.

Your shadow. Lingers. You can never close the distance.

So tired, push on!

prisoner of mind.

It's the fear of damaged people. You hold back. You hide yourself. Protect yourself. You remain fragile and you damage others whether you realize it or not.

circle the circus.

So who has been the ringmaster? Who has been the leader? What's left is just a bunch of confused individuals.

Saying bye to my Charlie. You shouldn't name things, because it just creates an attachment.

Ending the strawberries as well. No more furry pink-purple bear.

thank you.

"Photographs authenticate us, they remind us we existed in that place, at that time, and without photos from the past the present lacks roots, foundations, we are less real."

today i'm Alice.

It is a constant struggle to act as though everything is swimming along smoothly when it isn't. I was living a lie, to the world, to myself.

We look at people and imagine we know them. We don't know them. We can't know them. Everyone is a mystery. I was a mystery to myself.

naked, untitled paintings.

Suddenly realised that life is slipping away, way too fast. The lament of a Maple tree. Mute in life and death in song.

And I guess it is true. You should not follow the herd, because they won't necessarily lead you to the life you want.

I guess no one will ever get close enough. The occasional pangs when I think about what could have been. But I know I will never break through that barrier. They will never be close enough.

seeing in B & W

J in B & W

Maybe life's not so bad in Black and White after all. There will be plenty of grey areas though. As always. Thank you GAP for the photo! (:

drink.

就這樣躲著吧..

understand.

No, the second time is no better. What makes me think that the second time will be easier?

night ride.

Somewhere, I left something over there. Something that I could not get back.

mother hen.

To you and to him. Or pretty much to everyone else. And that's just it. Just a mother hen.

remember,

the promise you made.

fighting the pores.

So it's really true. What was said almost 20 years ago and now. Just taking it slowly, please don't scold me for making such a decision. I just hope that when the time comes, we will both know what to do. And maybe next time, it would not hurt as much.

You totally ignored me that night. I thought we were close. What happened to the special bond? Maybe I'm just thinking too much. The feelings were not mutual. But how could you show your tummy to others so easily while I took so long to gain your trust. Sigh. Cats.

you are an Iguana.

It is still the same no matter how I look at it. It is like that never-ending song. I really do not have an answer.

私は怖いでしょう

Once bitten, twice shy.

cleaning up is not easy.

Happiness is an Inside Job.

This will never be complete, but happy birthday nonetheless. (:


Just like HC.


And I think I understand how you feel now!


I'll be sensible. I'll be cutting the strings and we will be free. (:


Thank you for caring so much. Please do take care too!


CW allowed me to sniff her anal glands tonight. I'm really happy. Thank you for trusting! Now all I need is to give her a tummy rub and I'll be contented. I'll be getting your treats! (:

back to the usual.

Girl,

we need to start acting our age.

2 people I really look up to: One's doing all the things I hope to eventually accomplish in life; the other overwhelms me with her confidence and grace. How do they do it?

So what do you want me to do when everytime I see your photos, all I can feel is disappointment? But I am glad our trip did materialise. I am glad we did not drag it because you went MIA. I will continue to have more wonderful trips without you. Thank you for the motivation.


Feelings do fade, but memories don't. They do still come back to haunt me. I hope you're doing better.


Please have a speedy recovery. Hopefully be discharged on Monday?

Nasi Goreng Kampung.

You could have said "no" instead of avoiding it all together. Or you should not even have agreed to it in the first place. That's not very reasonable? But I wish you a good trip. Your trip.

Be safe.

そのカエルをなめるな！なめたら幻覚を起こすぞ

Don't lick the frog, it's hallucinogenic.

I must have been the unluckiest person I know.

hallucinations.

I'm afraid of going blind.

broken.

I can't find my kitty cats.

Chicken Wing hasn't been showing up for quite a few days now. Maybe it was because of the construction going on. I hope he's well.

You, who I have never met. It didn't matter who you are, but you don't deserve this. Is this really the life? Is that all life can offer you guys? I am sorry, but I really don't know what I can do.

Tiger. You were not there this evening. Saw you this morning. Perching so precariously. I told you to be careful and to take care, didn't I? Perhaps I should really have slowed down and brought you down to safety. Perhaps I should have. Please be okay. They are waiting for you at the same place. Don't let them worry, please?

Small. I hope you're not lost. Please be back with mama.


I couldn't find all of you. I'm sorry if I should have done something. Please be well. You can't just appear and disappear like that. Maybe it's time I realised, that this is the life.


And please take care, you.


Because when you start to care, you just don't stop.


I hope to find my kitty cats.

traditional chinese.

"看到你和她在一起很開心，
替你高興，
至少不會再那麼擔心你過的不好，
但是。。。
還是會偶爾想起你，
沒有理由的想起，
祝你幸福。"

grow, please?

And you are just going to leave them like this. Heavily compacted, badly weathered and disturbed. They can't grow and I don't think they will be growing any time soon. The rain is just going to continue washing away the soil and people are just going to continue walking on it. How many even cast a glance?

It's like hoping things will turn out well and sort themselves out with time. But you know they don't and they won't. It will just get worse. And it's worse when the soil is wet. You can't just plant in false hope because it will all just be a facade. They won't be thriving anytime soon. These hopes are dying. Or they can grow, but they won't be deeply rooted. Just too disturbed.

Those words. You knew that was it. Too different. Those plants cannot grow in that kind of environment. It takes two hands to clap. That will be the last glimpse.

And them, they do not need your sympathy. When you have never gotten something before, you will not be burdened by it or yearned for it. Because you have never have it. You won't know how it feels like. When you don't have something, you can't lose it.


I wish you well. Take care, please.

hunter and prey.

Thank you for being there today again. It seems that I will only get to see you when my mood is down. You never appear when I'm looking for you. But you are always there at the end of a bad long day. I guess only you decide when to turn up. And you always know when to show up. Thank you chicken wings (:

coffee in a beaker.

Really. No one appears and disappears like that. No one.

stop guessing.

Because she knows it will never be the same. Every wound is going to leave a scar. Like the torns from the rose. Like the marks on her neck. She's being strangled and suffocated alive. The wounds, seemingly harmless, cause the greatest hurt. Blue and green. Breathless and envious. She will never be tall, she will never be complete, she will never live.

9 chapters to go.

You knew it would not last. You knew there was nothing concrete to begin with. You knew it was all so superficial. No matter how much you have cared before, you knew it would end someday. Nothing lasts forever, not even in this age. Especially not with these days. Men could not keep it to themselves, women could not be left alone, friends could not be out of contact, families could not be without communication.

If you knew it was going to end someday, would you still have tried?
I would, and I did.
But now that it seemed to be ending, I'm not regretting.
Because I know that I'm not the one who ended the ties. I'm not the one who made that decision. You did. They did. He did.
It's okay with me. Bring me back to those days and I would still have done the same thing. I'm not going to change myself or the way I am just because of something that's inevitable in the future. Yes, it's really tiring and I did give up, a lot of times. But when I look back, there's still those times. No matter how short or superficial, at least I was once there. I believe that they were genuine, at least on my part. At least I tried.

Or maybe I have not tried hard enough.

It might not mean anything. To you, to them, to him. But it mattered to me. It did not have to make a difference to you. I made a difference for myself.

And no, I really do not think that there's any superior religion. Everybody's faith is worth respecting.

and you chased the roach across.

Walking home alone.



Thank you for being there, for waiting at the lift lobby. Maybe you knew I needed company. I have no idea if you really do know, but your appearance was a pleasant surprise I should have embraced more. You put a smile on my face. Sorry for not being able to spend more time with you though, it was getting late.



I'll promise to tickle your chin and rub your ears the next time I see you alright? You're really sweet. Thank you.

Why did you do that? Really, why?

I started it.

You said move on, where do I go?





Quite small and insignificant, but such a drastic change.
So tall and almighty, but they all fall and just crumple.
Things admirable and eventful, however rather dreadful to others.
So concrete and clear, capsized and befogged in an instant.

Yes, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
An impending train.


Maybe that's just the way you are. I have to accept it and care less. One phone call out of concern. And I realised I'm still pretty much under your control. Really, why do I allow you to speak to me the same way you always do?

are we too blind to see.

cravings.

Prata.
Curry.

A warm bowl of thick clam chowder.

Buffet.

Sushi.
Tom Yam Soup.

Medium rare steak.
Mashed potatos.

Popeye chicken.

Kong Ba Bao.
Blueberry Cheese Cake.

Chicken Nuggets.
Muffins.
Post Cereals.

kitty cat.

http://blogs.catster.com/the-cats-meow-a-cat-and-kitten-blog/the-telltale-tail/2009/08/29/

less than 9 months on my passport.

至少我们中还有人能快乐
这样就已足够了


(:

1804h.

because it's not letting her go.

fire.

fear.

there will never be a complete portrait.

because it will never let her go.

can you see the struggles within the strokes?

#433

#433

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percy the pencil.

Franklin D. Roosevelt:
When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.






How ironic. Now I'm needing this for myself.

?

dilemma.

what happened?

girl.

oh..who's the lucky one?

haha.

come on, tell me. why not i call you?



haha so who is it?
come on, don't be shy with me!
make a guess? hmm..
w?
oh. it's her!
since when did it start?
i see, do you think you're ready?
since it has only been barely 3 months..
oh, you have always been ready?
i see, so it's only me..
you asked me last time,
i haven't given you an answer..
but i kinda knew,
that your heart's no longer here.
but, enough of us.
how is she like?
haha looking at her photos now.
not bad!
good figure and looks kinda cute (:
go for it if you really like her!
if you're not sure what to do, you can ask me!
be nice to her okay?
make sure that you're really really ready,
be sure she's the last one.
don't be so lazy, treat her well!
remind her to send the cards to ur sister,
i guess i won't be doing it anymore...
hmm..
i see..
maybe she's busy so she didn't really reply?
check and see if there's any chemistry!
go for it k!
if you're really sure..
tell me the good news next time alright?
will you promise,
to let me be the first one to know?
don't let me find out for myself..
esp not on fb..
alright, it's getting late
sleep early k!
btw how's ah bui and milk?
i see.., maybe they won't live past this year..
play with them more!
yup, alright.
you have a long day tmr..
gd night!


and this is how i let you go.
can you see how i don't bother with my capital I anymore.
something that i make it a point to do since the start.
now it's just all i.
I.
i.


and can u guess at which line did i finally break down?
but all the while, you don't know a thing.
it was a happy, cheerful conversation.
i was urging you on.
encouraging you to go for it.
move along, go find ur new happiness.
im alright.
im okay.

but no im not.
do you know how many times i have to bite my index finger.
to stop myself from letting myself away.

no, im not going to let you know how this is affecting me.
im already alright.
i am.

this is how i let you go.
and this is why i love phone calls.

if someday a friend calls you.
how will you know if this will be the last phone call?
he might be standing at the edge.
ready for the jump.
and just one last phone call.
would you have noticed?

smile, smile a little smile.

the small things in life that we forget.

pink floyd.

Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?
Come on, Come on, Come on, now,
I hear you're feeling down.
Well, I can ease your pain
Get you on your feet again.
Relax.
I'll need some information first.
Just the basic facts.
Can you show me where it hurts?

There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship's smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying.
When I was a child I had a FEVER
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I've got that feeling once again
I can't explain, you would not understand
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

I have become comfortably numb.

i've done my job.

Hold on
Hold on to yourself
For this is gonna hurt like hell

Bus ride.
So close, so intimate.
Goodbye.
Man leaves.
Woman follows.
Strangers.
The other her.
The other him.
Why so.
Right from the start.
Why so.


I'm glad.

and they will attack if you use the wrong weapons.

So it goes.

Haven't felt like this in a long while. The last time was when I met K. This time, it struck me while I was looking at the photos. Made me realised all over again that, there will always be a part of you I will never know. Made me realised how I will never be part of what you were. Made me realised how different we are from one another. Opposites do not attract. Or does it even matter. I realised, there's really so, so much that I do not know about you. And perhaps I never will. It didn't start out on a strong footing. Just an impulse. And impulses fade.

And so it goes.

What you said last night, or what I found out. Why didn't I feel stronger about it. Is this an indicator, that I'm getting better? But what am I getting better at. Am I really moving on, or am I just getting better at hiding them. Would love to stop this nonsense. It isn't fair, especially to you. What you have heard and learnt from me, it's just my story. You have your own to write, it's in your hands. Not every tale ends like ours. I would still pray for you, to have the courage. We will never know what the future holds, but I believe that we do have some control. They ain't gonna lead our lives, we will.

Painting and drawing on Friday. (:

come on, move along.

Go on, remove all those in the way.

And the leader passed him the cutter.

Go on, remove them.

And he cuts. Numbed. He can feel them screaming out to him, but he continues.

Somemore. Continue.

Authority and obedience. Really. He wants to stop. He'd rather cut off his own arms.

Remove them. Work faster.

But, the others are not in the way. They are all not in the way.

Are you trying to argue with me?

No, but..

Go on. Continue.

And he cuts. He removes. He kills.




Persistent mynah. The traffic's so heavy, yet you just want to get them all, don't you?

intrinsic.

Forgotten.

Bad habit of mine. I form impressions of others based too much on what I hear around and the initial feelings they give me. Selectively filtering through the information I want to believe in and those to ignore. Not wise. 3 years since I've known you and it is only in the past few months that I really get to know you as you are. Getting to know you at a genuine and concrete level. Felt so silly now about all my floating thoughts. How did they get there in the first place? A new promise to make to myself.

You just screamed. Pulled me back into the real world.

Sending you a text. Just realised, that you aren't on the list anymore. After being at the top for the past 2 years, you have officially slipped back into where all the others are at. Guess that's where you will stay. Same with the call list.

Remembered.

you can't keep on like this.

Two new companions today. But you're still not growing.. Maybe two more months or so? Maybe when I'm back..

Have a little faith. Losing your faith. Finding it back.

Socks with sandals. Socks with boots. Socks with slippers?

Putting it there. Leaving it there. Leaving me here. Putting me here. Never really far away from all these. Winding down after all these weeks. Wind-up the toy machine!

No longer capable. No longer able like 3 years ago. Text book stuff. The alcohol's never strong enough. Mix and match.


Charlie.

it is not a toy camera.

Passed v. Past.

A verb v. a noun/ adjective/ adverb.


She walked past (adverb) , but I passed (verb) her in the hall.

Time passes (verb) by slowly.

Her unspeakable past (noun).

All her past (adjective) husbands died of mysterious deaths.



Everyday I walked past (adverb), you just looked more tired and roughed up. Please grow well. I hope they stop trampling on you and pulling the new roots out. The rain has not been kind on you the past (adjective) few days. Hang in there.

And they were painting the post box with all colours imaginable. Colours mixed and colours raw. You draw well but you hate it when people all said you will become an accomplished artist in the future. You choose to be a civil servant instead. Secured yet much needed. You know what you want, people are not going to tell you what they want you to be. You know you are good at it, alright, but that does not mean you want to live a life of it.

Me, I need to find the tarzan like you said. No one wants a wife who wishes to make a career out of roaming jungles, yes?


Thank you again. Celebrations. I will take photos. (:

mad rush.

26th March:

• Bowling @ Ehub

27th March:

• Business Law Make Up Lessons
• Timbre

28th March:

• Class Lunch @ Tampines

31st March:

• Biophysical Environment of Singapore Group Report
• Statistics Test 2
• Beach Games Meeting

2nd April:

• Arts Camp Proposals

7th April:

• Marketing Presentation
• Marketing Group Report
• Marketing Individual Report
• Social Psychology Story Book
• Social Psychology Story Book Presentation

And also because it was so coincidental, I couldn't believe my eyes. A and S. Why? Things really do happen for a reason? It was so freaky, it really makes me think of who is up there. Like we are all in a play and following a script. Where will the outtakes lead us?

And I'm happy for you. (:

too late two choices to stay or to leave.

Wishes.

Just want.

And thank you, I'll have a little faith. I'll kneel and I'll pray.

You know, sometimes memories can be cruel. We really have to read between the lines. I just want to make the right decisions for once. If only I have been listening. I really have no idea. Why how you're doing matters so much to me. Perhaps if I see that you're okay, it means that I will be okay too. Somehow. Like a correlation. And how I remind myself of the many interpersonal relationships I've been trying to weave. Too many complexities. It sounded familiar in a way. If only I had been listening.


Have a little faith. Thank you (:

And I'm 20. And it's been 2 months.

Sara Bareilles - Between The Lines

time to tell the truth

Sara Bareilles - Love Song

because I am not a good person. I only know how to avoid and I only know how to run away.


zutto soba ni ite
dame na boku wo shikatte yo


I'm sorry, I can't.

Imogen Heap - "Hide And Seek"

In spite of all the pain, the loss, and the grief, there's always healing, growth, and learning to be had-- if you only seek it and stick with it.

where are we.

I love the trees. They calm me down. Flowers after the rain. And the trunk left to decompose after leaving life. With insects biting away. After giving so much of itself. This is how it ends.

But most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses

The Flame of the Forest is a semi-deciduous tree. Leaves normally fold at dusk but remain spread if illuminated by street lamps. Leaves are shed rather irregularly, often different branches at different times, but sometimes all the branches at the same time. Flowering occurs after a prolonged dry season. After a leaf drop, the tree remains bare for several months. With the coming of wet season, new leaves are produced with new flowers, resulting in the characteristic scarlet, orange to crimson blooms. The attractive flowers can remain on the crown for several weeks.

But it's too hard to say
I wish it was simple


Can I be honest with myself? Can I be honest with you? Because it's like so tightly glued to my face that I no longer know if I'm looking at myself.