Revelation.

Thank you for giving me such a clear answer. What a tight slap to my face. Each hit on my heart comes after each revelation. Thank you for making me realise what a materialistic person you've evolve into. I just can't help feeling that your decision was purely based on such superficial reasons. Thanks for all the false hopes you've made me pinned upon. Thinking back, I really felt used. Was I the second one in line all the time? I realise I'm always making the first move, were you enjoying my stupidity, as if you're watching a clown doing it's tricks to earn the applause from it's audience. I felt worse than a clown. I don't even gain anything after making a fool of myself, instead I felt humiliated. I can't imagine everything undergone such a drastic turn in a short span of just months. All I'm asking of you now is to spare a thought for me and keep your lovingness out of my sight. I'm not that strong to endure such a huge blow. Please don't always assume I'm strong enough to be facing all these myself. A clown is afterall still a human.

是该解开迷底了

你喜欢了， 又不喜欢了。爱上了， 又不爱了。
我等了又停， 停了又等。你到底几时才要说。
我已经不想再等了。我不想再从别人口中知道。
你到底现在是怎么想的？我不要酒后吐真言。
我要清清醒醒的你告诉我。勇敢一点可以吗。
清楚地给我答案好吗。

你看见红灯，还是绿灯？

“乐观的人，到处都看到绿灯，悲观的人，却只看到红灯，而真正聪明的人，则是色盲。” - 史怀哲 (Albert Schweitzer)


真正聪明的人是色盲的， 因为在他们的心目中，红灯是绿灯，绿灯是红灯，因为他们不会一看到 ‘红灯’就驻足不前，也不会一看到 ‘绿灯’就勇往直前。真正聪明的人， 不会只看到红灯前面的绿灯，而是会看到绿灯后面的红灯，所以绿灯和红灯对他们来说，其实只是人生旅程中的一个思考逗点。天底下没有任何绝对的事情，就看你用什么角度，用什么心态去看他。就比如说，一个人不要只看到机会前面的问题，而是要看到问题后面的机会...

取舍

一个是爱我比我爱他还多的人，一个是我爱比他爱我还多的人。人们都说，两个人的关系里头只要有爱，就算是谱出一首恋曲，就将会是圆满，美满的。爱我的也好，我爱的也行。通通都包含了爱，教我该如何取舍啊？但如果里头那爱的成分不符合正常比例，所有的爱都是单方面的付出时，那还有恋曲可言吗？这时人们又说，爱哪有公平的！哪有正常的！沉溺在爱情里的有哪个是用正常的脑子清醒着。爱不就是在享受着一切不正常不合理的行为与想法被合理化，因为你的世界里只存在着另一个脑子也不正常的他/她。那如果恋曲里存在着浓烈的爱，但双方都脑子清醒的很，这又算什么？

I'm tired

Teach me how to cry

My whole week’s been spiraling downwards, and it’s continuing to go down, down, down……..
I filled myself with bourbon, hoping to forget. It helped. But before I knew it, I was going down again. The whole week swirled around a broken nose, disrespect, running away from home, drinking, not sleeping, rushing to work, listening to my favorite singers, lots of videos and money, money, money……
And to make it worse, my TV set is spoil, I’ve not been watching TV for the past few weeks. I’m dislocated from the happenings of the world, I don even bother reading the news to keep myself updated. I have insomnia. I watch videos and listen to music the whole night thru. A friend told me that in the silence of the night, it’s good to think. I thought I’ve been thinking too much, so much so that I end up emotional every night. Reaching the verge of crying then holding my tears back. I’m burdened with responsibilities that I don’t want to carry. The tiredness is finally showing on my body. My face, my figure, my brain, my heart. Nowhere is like me anymore. Very often for a moment, I feel so alone and I become so scared. I long to go back to the times when I can just cry without fears. Where there will always be someone to lean on, where I can be the kid I am, the one who break into a smile with candy. Recently, I thought I’d finally have this chance again. But only at the very last moment realize I’ve already lost the ability to cry. Guess it must be the aftereffects of holding back too much tears. I’ve lost my only way of pouring out my emotions. Now they are building up inside me with nowhere to go. They’ll soon explode me by forcing themselves out!

Spending the past hours trying to collate all the entries that I’ve typed on words, but only to realize that they are just redundant entries about work, slacking at work, the freezer that I work in, being extremely sick for a while, blah blah blah. So I decided to just chuck them away. I feel empty but the truth is I’m filled to the brim with trash.

shark shark & insomnia me

It's 7.09am and i'm still not asleep! Had to resort to spending time with my long lost friend "shark shark". Shark shark: Feli, y r u still awake?
Feli: I'm having insomnia, I can't sleep.
Shark shark: Oh my! since u can't get to sleep, then let's talk till u want to.
Feli: sounds like a good idea. it's been a long time since i've played wif u after i got u from daiso.
Bro: .......................(continue to play with com)
Shark shark: I bite ur head off!
Bro: ...................................(continue to play with com)
Feli: I still can't sleep!!!!!