Happy Holidays!

And, after this gratuitous attack on Christianity and wholesome values, Flea Snobbery goes challenge Santa Claus to prove he exists by bringing more and better jokes for next year. See you all again in January!

Humor

"Do you know the one about the atheist who said that joking about us is not persecution?"

"Ha ha! It's funny because it's true."

Moral

"Do you always have to flaunt your ignorance with those arguments? Amalek attacked Israel when they were at their weakest! God ordered his destruction to protect his people!

"Ha! You can't answer to that, eh?"

"No. I was thinking how come whenever you try to convince me of your superior morality, you end up two minutes later justifying some genocide. Funny, isn't it?"

"It's no use. None so blind as those who won't see."

Delusion

"Okay, granted. But... You're admitting that if he didn't say those things about possible universes and the evolutionary origin of religion, the you'd agree with him on everything! That is fundamentalism too!"

"Can I read, please?"

Ask me how

EARN MONEY FROM HOME

Pharmacy

HOMEOPATHIC REMEDIES

"That's true, some people take them and then say they're cured. But some people pray to the Virgin Mary and then say they're cured, too."

"Hum... You're right. I hadn't thought that."

Theology

Atheists keep demanding evidence for God's existence. They don't understand that, were He ever to give unambiguous signs, then He would undermine free will, for there would be no choice but to believe and worship Him. God has therefore decided, in His infinite wisdom, that Faith be the only way to know Him—

"God has manifested Himself in all His glory!"

"Oh, thank You, Lord! Now I can do something productive with my life."

News

"Today is the fifth day of the news drought. News have been conspicuously absent from television the whole week, sweeping all the other topics out of the screen."

"What are the causes of this? Who benefits? And, more disquietingly, how long will it last? Today's edition will be devoted in its entirety to this pressing issue."

What's behind a Flea Snobbery cartoon?

Just because this answers was never asked doesn't mean it shouldn't be anwered. What's behind a cartoon? This:



As you can see, behind every cartoon in this blog there's a buffoon.

And with this, Flea Snobbery takes a short vacation from its regular update schedule. Don't forget to tune this URL next week. And thank you for your visit!

Efficiency

"This setup will make the process of printing reports for management more time-efficient."

Slogan

"This is the proof of concept for the campaign."

"Humm... It's ok, but it needs some details added.

"There."

Primitive

"The lion is brave because of its big, strong heart. If I eat its heart, I will be brave too."

"Sharks don't get cancer because their skeleton is made of cartilage. If you take shark cartilage, you won't get cancer either!"

Middle ground

"You two are extremists! The wise man stands on the middle ground.

"These two are so extremist, eh, partner?"

Bomb

"The uranium atom inflates more and more as neutron after neutron enter it, until the point is reached when it goes pop. Neutros spread in every direction like buckshot and kill everyone in range."

"Are you sure? I saw a documentary short ago where a scientist explained..."

"A scientist? Why would you listen to those people? They invented the atom bomb!"

Difference 2

Keep spotting the differences.

Intolerant: "All other religions are false because they are different from MINE."

Tolerant: "All other religions are true because, deep down, they are all the same as MINE."

Nonconformity

Dedicated to all the bleach connoisseurs in the world. Cheers!

"We need your help. Apologists for alternative medicine are damaging our obscene profit margins."

"Don't worry. After our next press release, the problem will solve itself."

"Health authorities warn that smoking dynamite has no therapeutic effects and can be dangerous."

"Oh, yeah? We'll show them!"

Charity

Poor thing. Don't you feel sorry?

"Can you please spare some change for a 3.5G?"

Heating

"What's the matter down there? We're freezing here!"

"The last shipment of damned souls has a low content of sin and doesn't burn well. Tell the boss to be less strict about all that 'leading not into temptation' business."

Mutual need

"Let's help each other cross the street."

Effectiveness

"Twenty dollars."

"No, my naturopath told me this won't work for me and I need something more potent."

"Forty dollars."

"Excellent!"

Taxation

"We request on behalf of the Gaming Association that a special tax be applied to treatments for compulsive gambling in order to compensate for the losses they cause us."

The blasphemy of the prophets

It's Blasphemy Day! (Or Campaign for Free Expression, as they're calling it now to avoid being blasphemous, or that I guess.) And I'm celebrating it with this little tribute to Jesus and Mo, my favourite blasphemous webcomic.

Conception

CONTAINS ONE SOUL

"How will we get it inside?"

"Hmmmm..."

Tolerance

"I respect those who hold opinions different from my own. I admire those who speak their mind and stand by their ideas. But is it really necessary to do both at the same time? That's so annoying!"

Clean fight

"What do you mean you want to be untied and given a pair of gloves? Secularists are so aggressive!

Difference

Dedicated to Molly Norris, creator of Everybody Draw Mohammed Day, who had to go into hiding and change her identity because of the death threats she got.

Fanatic: "If you mock my beliefs, I will kill you!"

Moderate: "If you mock my beliefs, he will kill you."

Quantum

"The subatomic universe follows different laws than our everyday macroscopic world..."

"... therefore, our everyday macroscopic world follows the same laws as the subatomic universe.

Cogs

"Aren't you tired of being just another piece in the machine?"

"Yeah, the system crushes your individuali— Hey! What's that one doing?"

"Wasting energy that could be used for something useful. That's what."

Denounce

"Lies! It's all lies! Scientists are professional liars who reject my theories because they challenge the status quo they're paid to uphold! Besides, there's a scientist here who says my theories are right. You people are not doubting an academic authority, are you?"

"Hello!"

Plague control

"Why don't you just fumigate!"

"No! I prefer organic farming."

"Psst! Whatever. But you'll be sorry."

Old Earth

"I'm sure it was around here somewhere... Behold! It's the one I made when I was your age. See if you can find something you can use for yours."

"Dad, this thing is full of fossils."

"Ah, yes. You see, son, in those days..."

"Aww... Look at the baby with his little world! Nice little world, baby! Can I have it? Ha ha."

"Leave me alone."

"Let's see... How much can it take?"

"NO!"

Eternal reward

"This is Heaven? A huge empty parking lot? I expected something else."

"It is a glorious place of gardens and palaces. It just happens to have the external attributes of a parking lot. How come everyone who comes here is so skeptical?"

Suspicious

"There goes the super-fast train. It carries hundreds of passengers. At that speed, not one would survive in case of a wreck. However, there has never been a wreck in all the decades the train has been in service. Never! Do you understand that? Not a single incident in decades! Does that sound normal to you? There's something fishy going on!"

"What's your point?"

"It's a conspiracy by life insurance companies."

"Uh-huh."

Choice

Identification

Sin

"Dad!"

"Hmm?"

"Look at what my creations are doing! I ordered them not to... I punished them... But they won't stop!"

"My son..."

"Yes, dad?"

"I think it's time for me to tell you about certain things."

Opportunity

(You may have already noticed that Flea Snobbery has its own Facebook page now!)

"You can spend more than you planned and have stuff you don't need. Are you interested?"

"Huh? Why would I be interested in that?"

"You can save twenty percent if you take two more packages. Are you interested?"

"Saving? Of course!"

New toy

Orthogonal

"The order of the world reflects the order of the supreme mind governing it."

"See? Kurt Gödel, a great rational mind, believed in God! It's atheists who are dumb!"

"Smart people are very good at rationalizing things they came to believe for non-smart reasons."

"Wrong, Shermer! If they were smart, they'd be atheists!"

Example

"When faced with a dilemma, ask yourself: What would Jesus do?"

"Oh!"

"Rise up and walk! HA HA HA HA HA"

Magic

"May the gods have mercy! The Death Legions of Krak-Tukat outnumber us ten to one! We shall face thousands of howling blood-thirsty beasts!"

"Stand back! I shall summon the Firestorm of Palizant upon them and our men will only need to finish off their charred remains!

"Palizant'es tilmara uka-uka rimbombatur! ZZRAK!

"Well, I suppose you're not so unsophisticated as to expect magic to have an observable effect on physical reality, right? Its value is in the metaphors it gives us to better understand ourselves!"

"RUN!"

Excommunication

Rome, January 3rd, 1521

Mr. Martin Luther:

It is my duty as president of the Holy Trinity Fan Club to inform you that your membership has been revoked due to your insistence on writing fan fiction that strays notoriously from canon.

Sincerely,
Leo X

Petition

"... and they demand that punishment be interrupted for one day every week, and be proportional to the offense, and..."

"Whose idea was it to send every activist rebel down here? Huh?

Marriage

"I'm sorry, we're out of marriages. Two gentlemen came in short ago and took the last one."

"Damn it! Why weren't we listened to?"

Stealth

"If aliens don't have an impossibly advanced camouflage technology, then how to explain the fact that this UFO disguised as a cloud is perfectly indistinguishable from a real cloud?"

Genesis

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.

SPLASH

"I just needed a little bit to fill my earth. It's without form and void!"

"I don't care! I told you many times to always create a light before moving upon the face of the waters!"

Research paper

Positive results in a qualitative meta-analysis of complementary and alternative medicine
Dr. Karl Heiligenschein, M.D.

Abstract
Traditional scientific lore in academia holds that complementary and alternative medicine (CAM) has no proven clinical effectiveness beyond placebo. The present paper examines the available sources of information and arrives to the conclusion that such claims have no basis in reality.

References
Dude with a cat, Some (2010). “Placebo doesn’t work on animals, silly”. Overheard.
Grandfather, My (1956). “They ain’t gunna stick that needle on me!”. Measless vaccination campaign.
Guy my sister dated, A (ca. 1999). “Big Pharma is out to get me!”. My house's dining room.
Heiligenschein, Karl (2005). A survey of the frequency of speeding tickets, conjugal infidelity and use of curse words among allopathic doctors.
Next door, Neighbor (2010). “My uncle took allopathic cold medicine and almost died”. True story. Waitress, The (2009). “I use homeopathy and was never to a hospital”. Bar around the corner.

Two years!

That's right, ladies and gentlemen: it's two years since Flea Snobbery had the idea of existing. So much has happened along the way; I can barely believe that humble, unpromising cartoon about cyanobacteria spawned this humble, unpromising blog about a variety of topics.

As a celebration, there will be no cartoon today. There will be something else.

Go ahead, choose the something else that fits you best:

• 640 x 480
• 800 x 600
• 1024 x 768
• 1152 x 864
• 1280 x 1024
• 1600 x 1200

Yes! Now you can use Flea Snobbery to decorate your screen, take it whenever you go, and proudly maximize your windows to hide your desktop whenever someone walks by. Enjoy it!

Correlation

"After interviewing thousands of people, I have found a strong correlation exists between being smart and agreeing with me."

Ex nihilo

"Enough! You are not the center of the universe, you know."

"Let there be!"

POP

Access

INTERNET ADVERTISEMENT BUREAU

Vocabulary

Can someone explain to me where 200 cartoons came from?

"No way! Those names are synonymous with superstition and irrationality and I have banned them from my rationalistic, atheist vocabulary. It's a matter of principles!"

"As you wish, but if you don't tell me the names of the planets, you'll fail astronomy."