Production

I hope human resistance is soon over and we can divert more resources to maintenance. Look! Units are leaving the assembly line older and in worse shape every passing day.

Culture clash

"Look! It's a god!"

"Look! It's an astronaut!"

Sexist language

"... and if I am elected, I guarantee you this: My administration will listen to the women!"

"Hey! You're using the women as a sentence's object!"

"You're objectifying us!"

"You male chauvinist pig!"

Contagion

"Huh? What do you mean you caught a flu from someone you were chatting with?"

"I was using Internet Explorer."

"Oh."

Deadly rage

"Hey, Bruce! We met your girlfriend yesterday."

"Dude, where did you find her? She's fine!"

"I'd like to get to 'know her better', if you know what I mean."

"I bet she's quite a tigress. Roar!

"I must warn you... Don't... make me... ANGRY!"

The movement

This is the 50th cartoon on Flea Snobbery!

(And did you know? Now you can follow the updates on Twitter.)

"We don't just follow a leader. We fight for a cause."

"What is that cause."

"You'll have to ask that to the leader. He knows it."

Nonzero, the implausible man

"Look! Up in the sky!"

"It's a bird!"

"It's a plane!"

"It's a meteorite!"

"It's a weather balloon!"

"It's swamp gas!"

No! Until proven otherwise, it is...

NONZERO
The implausible man!

Coming from a far away planet —you aren't so arrogant as to think humans are alone in the universe, are you?—, Nonzero fights crime with his superpowers.

SUPER STRENGTH

Trustworthy withesses have seen him lifting weights impossible for a normal human being. Will you doubt their word?

X-RAY VISION

In controlled tests he performed 1.26% over expected by chance.

... AND HE CAN FLY!

"Yes I can!"

It's up to you to prove that he can't!

NONZERO
The implausible man!

You'll believe a man can do whatever we tell you he can do!

Laughing

Update 2008-12-06: This cartoon has been featured over at Pharyngula! Yippie!

"Spirits! Ha ha ha!"

"Ha ha! Hare, hare! Ha ha ha ha!"

"Flying saucers! Ha ha ha ha ha!"

"Gods! Ha ha ha!"

"Hey! You must respect other people's beliefs!"

Profile

Safety

"... and we trust this new seat model will reduce violence outbursts at sport stadiums."

Modern art

"For this piece I framed an ordinary dolar bill to protest the loss of the etical, esthetical and spiritual values of art, substituted by mere monetary worth."

"How profound! I offer 15,000 dollars for it."

"The bidding starts at 20,000."

Brothers

"I'm sick of seeing you at that computer! Why don't you read a book like your brother does?

Séance

"I have arrived. I am the Emperor Caligula. And Marco Polo's uncle. And Joanna the Mad. And Steven Seagal. I was shooting an informercial. What's up?"

"Just what I feared! channeling and reincarnation are both true!"

Legal dilemma

"I can't tell how long you'll be here. You clearly crossed the border irregularly, but they still can't decide whether to press charges for illegal immigration or cattle smuggling."

Ignorance

"The guy is from Sparta? This movie is totally ripping off 300!"

"Oh, God, what a moron.

"How can you be such an ignoramus? Tell me! How?

"It was 300 that ripped off the original God of War video game!"

"Aah!"

Miracle

"Hallelujah, my friends! The Lord has chosen me to father the new Messiah!"

"Really? How's that?"

"My girlfriend is pregnant even though I'm virgin. It's a miracle!"

Skeptic

"Yeah, whatever. I still don't believe in it."

"What about those who do believe and even went through it? Are they all crazy?"

"No. Just self-deluded."

"You're saying that because you didn't experience it yourself."

"Discussing religion? Supernatural stuff?"

"Marriage."

"People have been doing it for millennia. There must be something to it, no?"

Confession

"And those are my sins, father. What will my penance be?"

"No penance for you, my child. Your confession has been so memorable that your absolution is on the house this time."

A mother’s authority

"But... mom...!"

"I don't want to hear any buts. You're neglecting your quests. From now on, you get only one hour offline a day."

Science news

Tradition

"I am a traditionalist. I like as my ancestors did."

UFO

"It's been circling the place since early in the morning."

"What could they be doing here? Are they trying to tell us something with those complex maneuvers?"

"Any luck?"

"Nope. No open wi-fi around here. Let's try somewhere else."

The arrival

Credit where credit is due: this weapons-grade message of hope was "channeled" by Blossom Goodchild, who also predicted aliens would be arriving today. Well, there's still time.

"Know of this. We come to assist your world. We do not come to take over. We do not come to destruct. We come to give you hope.

"We are beings from other planets, who for many eons of your time have been preparing for these days. We are giving you the opportunity to capture on screen this particular ship. There shall be no contact in the form those of your planet would like. For this initial presentation we shall simply be presenting our ship to you.

"Until we can prove that we come in love, we shall not allow the fullness of our visit to be uncovered.

"Friends of the Earth. Do not be afraid. We beseech you to trust that we come to bring the downfall of those who have misintentions for the well being of your planet. If we do not intervene now, as has been planned for eons of your Earth time, then we fear it would be too late.

"We ask you to accept us in love. For that is why we come.

"Know of this. This is the beginning. Not the end. For indeed we come in peace. Fill your souls with trust in that knowledge.

"Be of joy. It is time for that. You shall know of this as your heart accepts the true reason for our visit. To bring you an understanding of love. Know of this."

"Alien Slaughter! Thousands dead from boredom by the invaders' broadcast."

Comments

FBI OnLine

CASE FILE # 5483217617

Crime
Murder

Victim
SCHMOE, Joseph L.

Perpetrator
Unknown

Details
Mr. Schmoe was murdered with multiple strokes of a cleaver while he was watching television. Witnesses reported having seen a tall male subject with a ski mask running away from the house at the time of the crime.

416 comments

WORST. CRIME. EVER.

This murder is idiotic. A cleaver? Come on! There are a hundred better ways to whack a dude.

O RLY? Well, if it's so easy, why don't you go out and murder someone yourself?

This person died because he failed to follow the instructions in this comment, AND NOW THAT YOU HAVE READ IT, THE SAME WILL HAPPEN TO YOU. Copy and paste this comment in three other case files, and you'll meet your true love. Otherwise, you'll find an untimely, gruesome death.

FIRST!!!!

On the seventh day

"Phew! All this hard work to make Earth... And we still have to build Paradise? Bah! Let's just ban those down there from doing anything they like, so whatever they find here will look better in comparison."

"Thy will be done."

CSI

"We found this glass slipper at the end of the stairs."

"Take it to the lab and have it checked for toeprints. And tell the boys to give it top priority. The prince wants this case solved as soon as possible."

CSI: Cinderella's Shoe Investigation

Progress

Closed bets, closed minds

"Oh, sure! According to you, there is no such a thing as a royal flush! Everyone who ever had one was either a liar or a madman, right?"

"This is your last warning: show-your-cards."

"Whose idea was it to bring the ufologist again?"

Stars

"They're fireflies!"

"They're the souls of the departed!"

"They're flaming dragons!"

"They're light bulbs!"

"They're holes in the sky!"

"They are gigantic balls of gas emitting vast amounts of energy due to the nuclear fusion reactions that..."

"Bah! Who cares?"

Context is important

"The director had this idea of using scary stories to deter inmates from escaping."

"Looks like it could use some tweaking."

"He was warned against it, but he wouldn't listen. So, one afternoon he went over the perimeter fence and started running... and was never seen again."

Hell

"Excuse me, but how are fire and tortures supposed to pain me if I no longer have a physical body?"

"Stop asking questions and start screaming! Are you trying to get us all laid off?"

Please wait

Your request for the web resource

http://www.youtube.com/

has been queued. Please allow 2-4 weeks for review and approval.

"On second thought, this state-run ISP was not such a good idea."

Equality

"Proof that men and women are equal. Major magazines targeted at both demographics feature seductive women on the cover and content oriented to man's sexual gratification. I rest my case."

The offer

"Mr. Ventrelli, we bring great news for you!"

"The Godfather offers you his friendship and protection in exchange for... ahem... a monthly token of respect."

"Thank you, gentlemen, but I respect the Godfather my own way. Organized crime is not for me."

"You don't understand. The Godfather is giving you a choice.*"

*"I'll make him an offer he can't refuse."

"He is?"

"Yes! You can either pay for his protection, or else have your shop windows shattered."

"Isn't the Godfather a wonderful person in letting you to accept his offer on your own will?"

"No, no, listen... I know the Godfather is a good man. He'd never..."

"Mr. Ventrelli, the Godfather really appreciates you and your family. He wouldn't like anything bad happen to you."

"Knowing you rejected his offer will break his heart. Your place will burn to the ground, and it will be your fault."

"And he will know! He knows everything!"

"He knows where you live... He knows where your children go to school..."

"WHY DIDN'T ANYBODY TELL ME ABOUT THIS?"

Mr. Ventrelli took the offer. And then...

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph! I'M SAFE! God bless the Godfather!"

"Another candid soul won for the family."

"Look, there's that guy who called us thugs."

"Good. Let's take him to the back alley and teach him some respect."

Help from above

Libra: Celestial bodies will clear your path to love and workplace progress today.

"Yeah, right..."

"Poor Johnson. What an awful, unlikely way to die. Oh, well... Smith, starting tomorrow you have his job. Meanwhile, take the day off and go console the widow."

Critique d’art

This is supposed to be art? Ky kid could paint that!

Bad Luck

"I'm going through a very bad luck streak lately. They lowered my salary. My car was stolen. My wife told me she wants a divorce. And today I bought a prepaid card for my cell phone, scratched it and got "better luck next time".

Poker

"Reason and experience indicate that one of the players holds the winning hand. You posit that I might not be that player, but it is equally true that I might be that player indeed, and if we stop and consider the attributes such a hand would ideally have..."

"Put your cards on the table already!"

"This is the last time ever we invite a theologian over to play."

Contract

"About the clause stipulating that all the materials used have to be local..."

"That's not negotiable. We compromised enough already by commissioning a national monument to foreign contractors."

Dark Knight

Somewhere in Gotham City, the caped crusader wages his battle against lawlessness...

"Okay, okay, I've learned my lesson! I'll never infringe on your intellectual property again!"

Reading

TELEPORTATION TERMINALS

"Just one moment, darling. I want something to read during the trip."

The Godfather

"I honored my family all my life, and always praised You! Please, Lord, don't damn me to Hell!"

"Nothing personal, Vito. It's just business."

Truth in Advertisement

Great jokes sent to your cell phone. SMS the word JOKE and make your friends laugh!

"He did it! Ha ha! The moron did send the word!"

"He'll be paying for old lame jokes! Ha ha ha!"

I Don't Want To Believe

"The evidence is there for everyone to see: photographs, witnesses, messages in the crops... How longer will our governments deny the obvious reality of alien visits? Why are they so afraid? What are they trying to hide?"

"The president is now shaking what, for lack of a better word, we'll call the 'hand' of the being. Ladies and gentlemen, we're witnessing a historical event: Humanity's first contact with..."

"Once again, our leaders seem to think we are idiots. Who could ever believe that advanced beings would travel countless light years just to see us poor primitives? What is the purpose of this farce? What are they trying to hide?"

Molecular Snobbery

"What's the matter with him? Why won't he talk to us anymore?"

"Don't mind him. Ever since he became homeopathic he acts as if he cured cancer."

Film Criticism

"Glorification of violence... White heroes fighting dark-skinned villains... Justification of eugenics... Pure right wing propaganda!"

"A few heroes against a monstrous invading army... Lascivious, corrupt priests... Homosexual subtext... Nothing but progressive smut!"

Newsworthy

Polls: a new obsession

Online poll results reveal that everybody takes online polls.

• 100% polled know polling website
• A sociologist analyses this collective fixation

Principles Specs

"It works great, but... There are no 'Cancel' buttons anywhere."

"I don't program for wussies who chicken out at the last minute."

The Dignity of Man

"It's a lie! Human beings are not animals! We are persons, endowed with reason and dignity!"

"The faithful are the sheep of the Lord, and it is the shepherd's task to tend to the herd..."

Situational Reverence

"Oooh! The ageless wisdom of the elderly."

"Bah! The stubborn conservatism of old folks."