for once in my life, I'm worried. about myself.

worried that i've became someone i no longer know. worried about my insane appetite. worried about stuffing myself with food whenever i feel like i've dropped into the deepest pit of life. worried about feeling miserable forever. worried that this is the beginning and probably a symptom of depression.

right. i shouldn't even consider the possibility of that now should i? not when there seems to nothing wrong in my life. but then again, thing are always not what it seem. feelings so toxic i never knew existed haunts me at times most unexpected, like how shadows creep and swallow you into darkness when night falls. all you can do is wait, until your eyes finally sense that emerging beam of sunshine, telling you that it's all going to be alright. but then, what if that's just an illusion? then how're you supposed to pick up the pieces, stand up, and tell the world that you're in good shape??

i really shouldn't be acting all self-pity. i don't know why am i feeling so down, i need someone to lift my spirits, assure me that i can do better. i don't know if prayers help, but if it does, i'm making one now.

all i want is to live a fulfilling and happy life.

Christmas didn't quite make the cut as a "festive" season this year, well at least not for me anyway, having spent it like a normal weekend at One Utama, only it wasn't a weekend and the crowd was unusually small for a sale season. Specially themed christmas decorations didn't appeal to me as much as it did last year for some reason but nonetheless, hanging out with the girls was fun and having that said, when was it ever not?

We finally went to try out the highly anticipated Carl's Jr and though it was good, I don't think I'll be making a second visit there as burgers ain't really my thing and I thought it was quite pricey for something that falls in the fast food category.

Anyhow, thanks to Tian Yi who previously worked there, we got discount coupons for each set we ordered. :)



Can you tell how big it is from the picture?



That burger is the literally the size of her face!



Sa Poh's I-cannot-finish-my-food look. HAhahah!!



For once, Yun's face appears bigger than mine. (Just let me be happy just this once ok! :D)



This picture is up because Yun's looking hawt and Sheryl look so cute hahah.



Ru's shop -- Ah Ru!



Wasn't all that surprised when I bump into these 2, OneU is practically their 2nd home!


Well, that pretty much sums up Dec 25th for me this year.

Unknowingly I had come to realize that sometimes, what matters most isn't how a particular day is spent but rather who it is spent with. Christmas may be over but it's never too late to express how grateful I am to have so many amazing people in my life. Thank you all, for the little and big things you guys have done for me, you know who you are right? :))

As if acknowledging my love for Japanese food, dad suggested we have dinner at Rakuzen last Sunday. They've been there a couple for times when I was away and revisiting the restaurant over and over again is clearly an indication that the food is good.

Where Rakuzen is located, there is another Japanese Restaurant which in terms of appearance looks much more attractive with it's paper lanterns and Jap style door, very much in contrast with Rakuzen's simple exterior with only it's name carved on a piece of metal (not a very big one too) hung on it's wooden door -- which I found out after that it was an automatic sliding door with a click-to-open button on the left. Technology yo! Anyhow, this wooden door was also where most people headed after getting out of their car. Dad told me there was once they saw a very long queue of people waiting to get in and thought there was free food. -_- That was also how they found that restaurant at the first place.

Rakuzen has 2 floors. The lower one a smoking area and the first floor for non-smoking folks such as us. Ambiance is good, with it's Japanese style sitting and dim lighting. However, it wasn't very spacey with closely arranged tables on both sides and a walkway in between for people to move around. Also, it was pretty noisy when we went as it was almost full house.

Now, the food. Since everyone in the family (except me) doesn't eat raw, we skipped the sashimi part of the menu and opted for individual dishes to share.

Portuguese Egg Tarts
(Makes 12 tarts)

Crust
1 box pie crust mix (Net Wt 11 Oz)
3 tbsp melted butter
1/3 cup cold water

Filling
4 egg yolks
1/3 cup sugar
1/3 cup heavy whipping cream
1/3 cup milk
3 drops vanilla extract

Instructions

1. Stir the pie crust mix, cold water, and melted butter until pastry forms a ball.


2. On a floured surface, roll the dough and cut it into 12 balls. Set aside.


3. Use an electronic beater to blend filling ingredients. Beat for about 3 minutes and strain the filling through a strainer. Set aside.


4. Preheat oven to 200F. Butter the muffin pan.


5. Flatten the balls into small rounds and fit them well into the muffin pan by pressing firmly on bottom and side (do not over stretch).


6. Fill the pie crust dough with the egg mixture (about 80% full). Bake the Portuguese Egg Tarts at 400F/200C for about 15-20 minutes or until the filling turn brown.

Recipe requested by Shie Ming; adapted from here. Sorry for posting this up so late girl, hope you'll have fun baking these little eggy custards. I'm eager to see how it goes! :)

Get this for me and I will marry you!!! :D


Well, Xmas is just around the corner if anyone needs a reason. Besides, I didn't get any presents for this years birthday. :(

The price tag says RM156. *sigh*
I know!!! In AUD it's only 50 dollars BUT...


This is really the best time to be BROKE!! Aih...

I am keeping their location a secret hmmph (if you know shaddap ah shhhhhh). No one wears them but ME rawr!!

It's awefully scary how big an appetite I have during that time of the month. 4 full meals a day and I still have room for a banana, cereals+yogurt, a piece of bread and one whole bar of chocolate in my already-buldging tummy at 3 am in the morning. Wth why is there so much food in the house???

"It's your own fault that your fat!!" EEEEEEeeeeep, so right!!

I know I'm on the way of being obese and if I don't do something about the way I eat I will be in no time, and by then no gym or diet is ever going to save my fat arse.

But this is the problem see? This minute I tell myself no more sweet stuff; then the next I'm helping myself on a piece of tiramisu. Where have the guilt gone??!!

Yesterday I came to a conclusion, I will never become as thin as used to be considering how much I love food now. Well, I can live with that, I have to. But what saddens me is I'm still growing horizontally by day because I have ZERO resistence towards anything sweet.

Cakes? I drool on the sight of it.

Cookies? Loved the crunchy ones. Famous Amos are EVERYWHERE!!

Chocolates? I'd die without it.

Tarts and pies? eggtartseggtartseggtartseggtartseggtarts...

Ice blended drinks? Green Tea Frap please!

Breads? That's the reason they call me BREAD.

Ice-cream? Only the best thing one could ever have.

Cheeeeeeese? Haiyor who doesn't like cheese??? except mom, dad, and maybe bro, but that's not the point.

Tong Sui?? I love ALL. Bubur Cha Cha, Red Bean Soup, Cendol, Ice Kacang, Barley Ginko, Honeydew Sago...

And then there's those Chinese New Year sweets that's going to fill my house (and every other chinese households' for that matter) in weeks to come.

When it comes to times like these, I wish I'm picky with food.

This is depressing. I hereby declare today as FAT Day, no one argues hmmph.

named laziness. Hehehe.

To the readers I still have, I will update soon, promise! :D

Meanwhile a quick recap of my latest happenings:

1. Alexis Bistro with Cui, Bob, LY, Kimz, Fei Poh(haha!!) & bf, ZW. Tiramisu was heavenly!
2. Went to get DVD's with PM. It rained so heavily that we had to stay in the car for 1 hour!
3. Found Ash's place without directions, hail me huahuahua. :D
4. Made chocolate cupcakes, with mint buttercream frosting this time! :D
5. Went Pavilion with Sa Poh and her collugue Sin Chan. Had a short meeting-up with May Mei and mysterious guy lol.
6. Baked a batch of experimental cupcakes using a combination of recipes. Guess how it went??
7. Went to AEON for the first time today and boy was it packed!
8. We went to have the "best-ever" Cendol at Klang. Came out disappointed as the standards have dropped.
9. Mitch Albom's For One More Day is a great read. I'm almost finishing his other book Tuesdays with Morrie. Go get a copy of it if you haven't!
10. I joined Fitness First, thanks mom. Let's hope that I'll be able to fully utilize the unlimited monthly pass.
    
    

Stay tuned! :D

P/s: Singapore idol Hady Mirza got crowned Asian Idol. What a shocker right??!??!?!

Authentic? check.
Quality? check.
Taste? check.
Ambiance? check.
Service? check.
Ample parking space? (this is very important also le) check
Location? Ermmm, maybe a little too far from home, but that's not an issue

Chawanmushi?? check!! :D

Okay maybe it's a tad bit late, but I finally had the chance to dine in Hajime, an authentic Japanese restaurant situated in the heart of KL.

This morning me and mom & dad went to the MAS headquaters to apply for a student card and since it's lunch time already by the time we finished and we were already in KL, I conveniently suggested to have lunch there.

But once you step inside from the little front door,
the scene changed instantly into a welcoming place to dine .

I don't usually go to KL because it's too far from home(yala saya sangat ulu) and I'm not allowed to drive there because I don't know my ways plus I hate taking KTM because it's never punctual and slow. Well I don't hate it with passion but I'd much rather choose to go somewhere else that requires less trouble. Oh and if you throw me somewhere which is not close to Bintang Walk or KLCC I'll probably never find my way home huhuhu.

The place wasn't full when we went because it was still early. Soon after that people started to come and some even made reservations beforehand.

The lunch set is quite worth it. You get to choose 2 dishes from 3 lists and it comes with rice, chawanmushi, miso soup and something seaweedy. The price varies between RM28 to RM36 depending the list which you picked the dishes. Add in RM4 and you get a scoop of ice-cream of your choice for dessert. Not a bad deal eh??

Well I think it's damn worth it for good food!

------------

The recipe is definitely worth keeping but instead of 8, my batter is only enough to fill in 6 cupcake holes and I ended up with loads of leftovers for the topping. Oh well, I'm happy enough that the cupcakes turned out moist on the inside and crumbly on the top. :)

Ahh I'm hungry again... *off to take another cupcake*



P/s: By the way, the title stands for I love Hajime! hehehe.

And so... I decided to stop.

Won't say I quit cuz I didn't exactly said I don't wanna work there anymore. I told Tzi, the girl who interviewed me before I came in, about all the difficulties I face and had not predicted after taking up this internship such as transportation and long working hours. I felt quite bad cuz despite all my complaints people there are nice and if it weren't because of the inconvenience of having to travel so far or giving up time spent with family and friends, I know I would've enjoyed it.

Funny thing is... one week is all it takes for me to remember(and probably miss):

• Celine playing Natasha Beddingfield's Love Like That 56347 times in a day and drooling over the guy in the MTV. She even print-screened him and set it as her wallpaper! @@


• Ellyse whining over her not-cold-already "chocolata" milk. Me: Haven't drink your milk ah??; Her: Not yet le, waiting for it to become cold! *LOL*


• Pauline's cute voice (she is 21 and she talks cuter than me how can!)


• Calling Evon roti canai because she smells like one hohoho.


• Gary teaching me stuff. Okay maybe I didn't learn alot from him but credits for him for being so patient and explaining things when I went "Errrrrrrr...? "


• Drawing crap on the white board :D


• Being offered mini prawn spring rolls, pineapple tarts, and coconut biscuits during office hours.


• Going down to the food court with Theressa to tapao food.


• The little plush elephant on my desk. It is damn cute okay! Really one.

Oh well, maybe next time :)




Things I want to do now that I have the time:

1. Improvise my baking skills. Anyone wants cupcakes?


2. Learn how to cook, for real.


3. Meet up with primary friends and catch up with current ones.


4. Join gym, if my mother allows.


5. Read a book. It's been ages since I read something good.


6. Tidy up my room.


7. Practice my Illustrator skills.


8. Plan Ash's farewell.


9. Learn a lesson in life and in my case, it's about appreciation.


10. Enjoy my 2 months of holiday before I have to go back to Melbs.

I cannot quit
I cannot eat what I want
I cannot buy anything
I cannot spend money
I cannot join the gym
I cannot go to places I want
I cannot do whatever I like
I cannot loose weight
I cannot say what I like
I cannot go out too much
I cannot have fun
I cannot indulge
I cannot blend in
I cannot run away
I cannot joke
I cannot understand things
I cannot make you understand
I cannot walk with confidence
I cannot drive at night
I cannot talk louder than you
I cannot complain
I cannot cry
I cannot ask for something
I cannot do anything without feeling bad, disrespectful, irresponsible, aweful.

I'm so sick of all the cannots okay???

Go, take everything away from me. At this point, I really hate my life.

Maybe tomorrow I'll regret posting something so full of agony but I'm not gonna delete it. If that's how I feel now then that's how the revelation of words should be. Removing the post doesn't change the fact that misery was once on my side and of course I know certain people will cast judgemental glances at me. Maybe it's time I live with it.


I am pissed off by numerous mini incidents.

Why-I-am-angry #1:

I had a pair of white shoes with heel and buckle(like those on a belt) tried on today and my size was in between 37 and 38. Of course they don't have a 37.5 so the shop lady said she can fix it by enlarging the front part using machines they have in the shop. Mom asked her several times how the process is going to be but she just kept saying we have machines.

Fair enough, we let her to it and entertained ourselves with the other shoes in the store while she fixes the sized 37 shoe I was going to buy. When she returned, we found out that the stripe was punched with 2 extra holes. It was horror as she completely ruined the design and I was a tad mad that she didn't explain that earlier. We would've stopped her.

Worst of all the stripe looked as if it was loosely hanged and floating on top of the toe part of the shoe. We trusted her, and that was a mistake that couldn't be undone. Mom tried to explain that wasn't what we expected and asked if we could just get another pair. I saw her face expression change. She immediately said that was the last one and we either take it or leave it. So, I said sorry and we left, bearing her deadly stare and malicious mumble.

I know as consumers we didn't do anything wrong at all but because of how things happened it seemed like we were the ones to blame.

And there goes my shoe :( I swear this is the 352689th time I wasn't able to buy that something something I really really must-have. The last time my supposed-to-be high school prom dress got sold to someone else (I was only late for a few minutes!) I was so frustrated I nearly cried. It's heartbreaking when things like that happen I'm not trying to be sarcastic but it's true.

Anyway after that, I completely lost the mood for shoe hunting.

Why-I-am-angry #2:

When I board escalators alone I like to climb up/walk down. But then Malaysians prove to lack this kind of consciousness that others might be rushing when they simply glance at you, which at the time was standing just one step below, obviously trying to hint that they're in your way, and turn their heads back pretending nothing has happened.

I know I know, I could have simply said excuse me but that wasn't on my mind that time. First thing that came to mind was how people should be thought to stand towards the left when boarding the escalator to allow others that are in a rush or simply wants to climb to go through, now we don't need anymore people-congestion than we already have do we?


Why-I-am-angry #3:

Was thirsty today hence I went to Juice Works to get a thirst quencher. The ordering process works like Starbucks: you order at the counter, you pay, then you claim your order at the little counter beside. But nooooooo, some people must have a mini gathering in front of the counter, blocking the line and totally ignoring the fact that other customers are also waiting for their orders. They shamelessly stood there with 3 baby trolleys (you think nowadays baby trolleys are small ah?), 4 friends, and 3 maids, just waiting for that 2 500ml cups of juice. Argh when will we ever become civilized?


Why-I-am-angry #4:

Malaysians.

Besides to family members, friends, customers, collogues and bosses, they do not smile. And when you smile at them, just to be polite, they either look away nervously or they cast you a peculiar look, secretly wondering what you want. If not both, they suddenly become very scary going "Hai moi!" with that look and the first thing you want to do is get outta there.

They do not say sorry when they've accidentally stepped your feet in the Monorail. They pretend nothing happened and continue minding their own business.

They do not say excuse me. They rather just push through and knock people that're in their way aside. And maybe not all but some do not even say a word as simple but as powerful as thanks or your welcome.

I'm not being particular, but I now know why we are disgracefully crowned the 3rd rudest country in the world and how bad an impression we must've made in the eyes of tourists.



Okay, maybe I am overreacting today(someone please tell me I'm NOT ><) and no, I'm not PMSing. I don't know why I get angry easily nowadays, it's nerve wrecking and I don't know what to do about it! I'm trying my best to stay jolly, what with Christmas just around the corner. No that wasn't it, not just because of Christmas although it probably contributes to it. Really, I do WANT to keep myself happy everyday but why is it so hard? Why is it so hard to get through a day without feeling down or miserable or like-a-loser or out-of-grip or uncertain or trapped??

FYI, I do know how to appreciate if that's what you think I need to learn next.

If there's one person that can talk and laugh as loud as me, it would be Pui Mun. I bet from far we looked like two overexcited aunties buzzing with no commas and full-stops!

The journey to KL via public transport took ages, I actually got mixed-up and thought Sultan Ismail is one of the Monorail stops!

I've always wanted to try out Tony Romas, what with all the good comments and reviewes about the steaks there and today, we finally went. I didn't have my camera with me today so the pictures are taken using my 2 mp camera phone with limited everything. :(

We didn't order much since we predicted the portion to be quite big and had already planned to go to Baskin Robins after the meal for dessert.

We were given complimentary bread(left) which was served hot thus tasted good (beside it is a scoop of butter). The Friend Mushrooms(top) was pretty good too with it's honey mustard dip. I ordered Strawberry Lemonade(right), their drink of the day and loved the tangy and fruity combination. As for mains we got steaks(bottom), which was their specialty, with baked beans and mashed potatoes as the sides. Surprisingly the sides were yummmm, especially the beans! Loved the BBQ sauce. As for the steaks, to me it was okay but not great.

In terms of services it's pretty good, the staffs are friendly and looked like they're enjoying what they do, which is a total contrast to the staffs at Chili's.


After some shopping, we went up to the 6th floor to have desserts! I remember how mum used to buy back whole tub of Baskin Robin's ice-cream during the 31ths (because that's when they have 30% disc!) and the whole family will have ice-cream in the dining room at home.

We got ourselves a chocolate fondue to share. The mini scoops of ice-creams are just too cute, too bad they melted very quickly! The pictures doesn't do justice to it's yumminess at all :(

More updates:

Pictures from yesterday's get together at Sky Bar:

Look at that retard(inside joke), the one on the right. :P

This is Ash saying don't snap a picture of my sexyback!

Smoke more la hmmmmph.

Chubby and I :)

P/s: Love you guys!!!!!!