20 November 2013
The other day I was having a conversation with my friend. In response to my statement about the breakdown of communication in all relationships, he responded that even if understanding is an impossibility, he will keep trying to reach others.
Once again, we revisit the issue of
how can I even begin to understand others when I cannot even understand myself. His counter was that we find a reflection of ourselves in others. Their perception of us can give us a better understanding of ourselves. There is merit in that argument. But my ignorant dealings with others will inevitably lead to hurt and suffering, either for myself or the other person. I cannot trust myself to make the wise choice, the calculated choice, to allow for growth. In myself and the others.
My friend likened my actions to a bystander witnessing a murder and taking no action because "I cannot judge". Out from my latent memory came a response that was almost Zen-like: "In saving the fly from the web, the spider starves. By my hand, suffering is caused. Best to have not acted at all."
I went to Google some keywords and found out that such a quote exists, and it came from a really really old anime called
Trigun that I watched years ago. Funny that it should still stick with me all this time.
Well, he eventually told me to chop off my hand to feed the spider. Bloody good idea.
He also told me to trust my moral light to guide me to do the right thing. Good advice, except I do not trust my moral light at all. I may conveniently toss my morals to the side if it suits the situation. My actions are not as solidly grounded in integrity as some would believe. My thoughts, well, my thoughts are far from sterling.
This little exit is only temporary till I have passed through purgatory.
18 November 2013
I, who am flawed, by my own volition, will not further afflict upon this troubled world my ineptness, until the day I am worthy.
17 November 2013
People tell me that even if I don't like certain aspects of school, I should still continue on, as it will make me a better person.
In what way? Well, I'll learn how to manage my time, deal with deadlines, work with others etcetera etcetera.
I still think, why put myself through all this bullshit in the first place? I'm ill-suited for school life. I don't think I have adapted well at all.
Anyway, life goes on. And despite the fact that people may hate their job, they still drag themselves to work every morning. Perhaps they have mouths to feed. Responsibility has them chained.
I used to think that everything happened for a reason. That there has to be a meaning for everything. But I guess the simplest explanation is that things just are. And that whatever I choose just is. I may try to predict the consequences with all the best foresight, but in truth my guesses are only stabs in the dark. No one can really say what life will be like tomorrow if I change it today. Or not.
So I stop trying to place meaning on anything at all. I simply do what feels right to me. I go with the flow.
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20 November 2013
The other day I was having a conversation with my friend. In response to my statement about the breakdown of communication in all relationships, he responded that even if understanding is an impossibility, he will keep trying to reach others.
Once again, we revisit the issue of
how can I even begin to understand others when I cannot even understand myself. His counter was that we find a reflection of ourselves in others. Their perception of us can give us a better understanding of ourselves. There is merit in that argument. But my ignorant dealings with others will inevitably lead to hurt and suffering, either for myself or the other person. I cannot trust myself to make the wise choice, the calculated choice, to allow for growth. In myself and the others.
My friend likened my actions to a bystander witnessing a murder and taking no action because "I cannot judge". Out from my latent memory came a response that was almost Zen-like: "In saving the fly from the web, the spider starves. By my hand, suffering is caused. Best to have not acted at all."
I went to Google some keywords and found out that such a quote exists, and it came from a really really old anime called
Trigun that I watched years ago. Funny that it should still stick with me all this time.
Well, he eventually told me to chop off my hand to feed the spider. Bloody good idea.
He also told me to trust my moral light to guide me to do the right thing. Good advice, except I do not trust my moral light at all. I may conveniently toss my morals to the side if it suits the situation. My actions are not as solidly grounded in integrity as some would believe. My thoughts, well, my thoughts are far from sterling.
This little exit is only temporary till I have passed through purgatory.
18 November 2013
I, who am flawed, by my own volition, will not further afflict upon this troubled world my ineptness, until the day I am worthy.
17 November 2013
People tell me that even if I don't like certain aspects of school, I should still continue on, as it will make me a better person.
In what way? Well, I'll learn how to manage my time, deal with deadlines, work with others etcetera etcetera.
I still think, why put myself through all this bullshit in the first place? I'm ill-suited for school life. I don't think I have adapted well at all.
Anyway, life goes on. And despite the fact that people may hate their job, they still drag themselves to work every morning. Perhaps they have mouths to feed. Responsibility has them chained.
I used to think that everything happened for a reason. That there has to be a meaning for everything. But I guess the simplest explanation is that things just are. And that whatever I choose just is. I may try to predict the consequences with all the best foresight, but in truth my guesses are only stabs in the dark. No one can really say what life will be like tomorrow if I change it today. Or not.
So I stop trying to place meaning on anything at all. I simply do what feels right to me. I go with the flow.
Older Post | Newer Post