30 September 2011
Of late I have been meaning to write about greatness.What separates a great person from an ordinary one? What difference is there?
What if all ordinary people had the potential for greatness? That would mean that I too can be great. What did heroes of old and new do in order to surpass their ordinariness and step into greatness? Perhaps I may be able to follow in their footsteps and be great as well.
But doubt is never far away. Already I chide myself for falling prey to such thinking. The lust for such greatness in guarantees the failure of the quest. How can one be great when his character is flawed by greed for power? Such a person may become powerful but never great. He is a tyrant, not a lord.
A great person is one who has strength, not necessarily physically, but strength of character. He has impressive mettle and meets challenges courageously. He pushes through no matter the difficulties and perils. I would also like to say that he knows no fear, but that would be lying. He knows the danger and risks, he is on the brink of despair. He may be fighting a hopeless cause. But he never falters from his principles. He never does anything without meticulous concern. He does not make mindless sacrifices. Everything he does, he does for the best of the people around him.
A great person is one knows the pain of loss and hardship, and still comes out untainted and uncorrupted.
I too want to be great.
But I know it will not be easy.
Self-denial and rigorous discipline. If I can stick to this, maybe I will be mature enough for other greater matters.
Now I just sound like a masochist. But you get me wrong. I am only trying to be an ascetic. Trying to be great.
29 September 2011
I will be having my driving test later in the evening.I wonder how I will fare. I hope my clutch control does not fail me later.
I have not been able to practice all week due to my lousy chicken pox virus.
That, however, is no excuse.
Focus. Focus. Focus.
The next couple of hours till the test shall be spent driving my imaginary car.
I shall check the imaginary blind spots.
I shall do the imaginary safety drills.
I feel like I am doing last minute cramming for examinations.
Haha, it has been awhile since I have laughed at myself.
Because maybe all this talk will just be talk, and I will be distracted by my piano or story book.
Just another go at the keyboard, or just another chapter.
Focus. Focus.
As with all examinations, priorities must be set.
Go through with this grueling task, and conquer it once and for all.
I feel sad that my blogging has been reduced to incongruous rants.
Never mind. I will work my way slowly but surely into a more coherent writer.
28 September 2011
You know, I was thinking that I am already out of my teens.I should start behaving more like an adult.
But what exactly are the connotations of being an adult?
Independence?
Inter-dependence?
Motivated?
Goal-oriented?
I know what I want. I want to peak my physical strength and health.
I want mastery of my body.
But it is hard to keep that end in mind, when many times I wonder about the other aspects of me. What of spirituality? What of my mental development? I have not been brushing up on critical thinking or physics concepts recently. What of the social dimension? I am closing up like a clam. Narrowing down my circle of friends to just a minute few. What of the emotional health? Can I control my emotions as well as I think I can? Or is suppressing them counter-active?
Five flags to capture, yet I am only heading towards one.
Time to up the notch and aim for the second as well.
Mental development.
Time to hit the books.
Got to keep focused on the horizon. I will get there some day.
24 September 2011
What do I want out of my life?I seem no closer to the answer, yet my life as I know it is falling apart.
22 September 2011
It seems to me that wisdom teeth extraction is not as painful to me as other people make it out to be. My mouth is not swelling up nor hurting, so perhaps the plethora of medication is helping. On the other hand, maybe the Chicken Pox itch is overpowering any sensation of pain in my mouth.My itch seems to have gotten better already, with the urge to scratch peaking the day before. Bathing sucks too because it makes me want to scratch those blisters so badly. I look like I am having a major outbreak of pimples all over my face and body. I hope I can recover by this weekend.
20 September 2011
I still can taste blood in my mouth.After removing my left two wisdom teeth yesterday, I asked the nurse about my little blisters on my arm. She told me I had chicken pox. After checking with the doctor at the A&E, he confirmed that I was down with chicken pox. At least that explained why my body felt so sore and hot over the past few days. It was the fever.
Anyway my mouth aches only slightly, probably because the pain is being relieved by the countless medications I was prescribed.
But my mouth is still bleeding from yesterday. I can taste the blood in my mouth. That does not sound too good, does it?
19 September 2011
Back from Genting.Overall the trip was interesting. Stayed over at his place on Thursday night after having supper at Mr Prata. The meal was so sinful, especially with the Milo Godzilla, which is like Milo Dinosaur but with a bad-ass scoop of ice cream to top it off. Watched 13 Assassins before turning in for the night.
On Friday morning, some of us were late for the coach so they had to meet us straight at Tuas checkpoint. The bus journey itself was uneventful, spent on snoozing and toilet breaks. When we reached Hotel First World, we checked in and had MarryBrown for dinner. We felt that it was not worth the money. Later, we decided to try the haunted house and also the Ripley's museum. There was one corridor with a spinning barrel that was absolutely fantastic. The optical illusion actually messes up your sense of balance. We also stayed up that night to play cards.
The next day saw us waking up for our buffet breakfast and touring the theme park. We managed to cajole our friend into taking the teacup ride with us, leaving him dizzy and nauseous for most of the day. We caught the midnight movie screening Johnny English Reborn. It was comical and left you feeling good. But I doubt I could be tempted into watching it again.
The last day was spent lazing in bed and traveling back home. Enough said.
Did I mention that I got myself a tattoo?
(A temporary airbrushed one. But a tattoo nevertheless.)
13 September 2011
Started playing the piano again.My friend got me interested in playing again when he uploaded his video of him playing Pirates of the Caribbean theme.
He took 4 months.
Hopefully I have the determination to achieve his level too.
09 September 2011
I am on leave today. But I will be going down to the west side for my driving. It has been more than a week since my last lesson. I wonder how I will do later. Need to be faster in my actions and more confident. Not very sure if I remember the steps for parking though. Looks like I will probably have to use my gut sense then.Going to have lunch, swim and gym with Gab after that. Going to work hard.
Maybe then I will find fulfillment.
07 September 2011
No, I say. You knew me. You knew that person, but you don't know the person that I'm trying to become.
05 September 2011
After running the half marathon yesterday, met up with Pat and Gab to gym. As usual, we worked on our chest, or as Gab likes to put it, our breasts. We trained, we laughed, we talked about the week ahead.They were going out for dinner with their old colleagues. They mentioned that their friend was very hard to get. If you had things in common with him, he would be one of your best mates. But once he started doing separate things, he would just lose touch with the clique.
I suppose I am like that too. What is there to talk about when there is no common topic to be found between two parties? I wonder if I will lose Pat and Gab as well.
Like the wind, I come and go.
I wonder if I will ever find my roots, hm?
01 September 2011
Should I choose this path to tread,
I will turn my face from you.
With only water and bread,
And a single task to do.
Now I cast away the dark,
but am blinded by the glare.
Was I too soon to embark?
I am lost in my despair.
What carries me through the days,
Is the hope of the future.
That I may prove this always,
that my path is superior.
Every step forward I take,
I must take with conviction.
To stay constantly awake,
And not swayed by distraction.
I may walk slowly, but I never walk backwards.
- Abraham Lincoln