If I ever learnt one thing over these past few years, it would be to sort out my own life before trying to meddle with others. As an old chinese proverb goes, one should properly manage one's family before fixing problems of the country and the world.

Always start small. Never attempt on a big endeavour when you are not sufficiently prepared. The consequences would be dire and disastrous. I am not implying that you should not dream big. You can dream big dreams, and have lofty ambitions. But reality cannot be denied, and you should know your limits. After all, Confucius commented, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. You cannot simply leap over to the finish line.

Likewise, in my own life, I would also want to apply the same concept. I will tell you in truth, I want to love every single human being, with the same unconditional love that God gives. In absolute honesty, I want to pledge my unwavering allegiance to the cause of greater good. But, - good things always come with buts - looking at the state of my own character and lifestyle, I can hardly perceive myself to be the man I wish to be.

Why the hesitancy then? Maybe because, in the past, I have messed up your lives by trying too hard and caring too hard. Now I realise the repercussions of reckless care and concern. Now I am afraid of the backfire, that instead of empowering you, I do the exact opposite. I diminish your spirits.

Or could the reason for my stalling be time? I need time. Do I really? Funny, how people always ask for time, and yet, upon being granted your wish, you squander your gift away. Time, do I really require this precious commodity? I introspect a little more and maybe, just maybe, all I need is direction and constant reminders to myself. I can turn my life around right now.

So hopefully, I will be able to make some decent improvements in the way I live out my life.
So hopefully, my dreams come within my reach.
So hopefully, my dreams become my reality. Curiosity killed the cat. He made no protestation of virtue; he always accompanied the Prince in those madcap ventures to London, where he beheld all manner of wild revelry; he never held himself aloof from his gay comrades, but he looked upon all their mad sports with the same calm gaze that had carried him without taint through the courts of Burgundy and the Dauphin. The gay, roistering young lords and gentlemen dubbed him Saint Myles, and jested with him about hair-cloth shirts and flagellations, but witticism and jest alike failed to move Myle's patient virtue; he went his own gait in the habits of his life, and in so going knew as little as the others of the mad court that the Prince's growing liking for him was, perhaps, more than all else, on account of that very temperance.

Extract from Men Of Iron by Howard Pyle.

To hold a code of chivalry in my heart. My grandfather spends his days in reticence. When I visit him on Sundays, he speaks very little, and goes about his daily mundane tasks. He reads his newspapers, watches his television, sits on the couch, eats his meals, all in a hermit-like fashion.

My grandfather is not some social giant who makes his presence felt. He moves around like the props person in the backstage of a play. He abstains from doing anything out of the ordinary. He stays within his boundary of isolation, and hardly talks unless absolutely necessary.

My grandfather leads a peaceful and predictable life. He dislikes traveling, and refuses to hire a helper for the household. He is content with the way things are and rejects change. He does what he is able and wishes to do.

My grandfather chooses his own path, and what ever it may bring him, where ever it may take him. For one day, we are all going to die; we just do not know when. Who ever I allow into my life; What ever I choose to do within my life; Where ever I decide to go in my life; How ever I opt to live my life, I will have to pay the consequences of my decisions.

I asked God to take away my habit.
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.
His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No.
Patience is a byproduct of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is learned.

I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings; happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own! , but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.

I asked God to help me love others, as much as He loves me.
God said... Finally you have the idea.

That is the wonder of free will, is it not?

DuPont: ... Now that you know it, can you really take it? Is it really worth the price?
John Preston: I pay it gladly. Everything is so useless.
I need some time to arrange my thoughts. Hello.
I got eight points.
That is all for today. I just downed three curry puffs that my dad bought from Old Chang Kee. I wonder what is for dinner later.

Man, I got to exercise more.

And I am the P.E. representative, like wow. To The Moon And Back by Savage Garden

She's taking time making up the reasons
To justify all the hurt inside
Guess she knows from the smiles and the look in their eyes
Everyone's got a theory about the bitter one
They're saying, "Mama never loved her much"
And, "Daddy never keeps in touch
That's why she shies away from human affection"
But somewhere in a private place
She packs her bags for outer space
And now she's waiting for the right kind of pilot to come
And she'll say to him
She's saying

I would fly up to the moon and back if you'll be...
If you'll be my baby
I've got a ticket for a world where we belong
So would you be my baby?

She can't remember a time when she felt needed
If love was red then she was color blind
All her friends, well they've been trialled for treason
And crimes that were never defined
She's saying, "Love is like a barren place,
And reaching out for human faith
It's like a journey I just don't have a map for"
So baby's gonna take a dive and
Push the shift to overdrive
Send a signal that she's hanging
All her hopes on the stars
What a pleasant dream
She's saying

I would fly up to the moon and back if you'll be...
If you'll be my baby
I've got a ticket for a world where we belong
So would you be my baby?

Hold on, hold on ...

Mama never loved her much
And, Daddy never keeps in touch
That's why she shies away from human affection
But somewhere in a private place
She packs her bags for outer space
And now she's waiting for the right kind of pilot to come
And she'll say to him
She's saying

I would fly up to the moon and back if you'll be...
If you'll be my baby
I've got a ticket for a world where we belong
So would you be my baby?

I would fly up to the moon and back if you'll be...
If you'll be my baby
I've got a ticket for a world where we belong
So would you be my baby?
Yeah... He hates what he sees.
He tries to change it.

It hates to be changed.
It tries to resist.

He gives up his goal.
He lets go of it.

It gives out a cheer.
It lets itself grow.

He puts on some shades.
He shuns the rampage.

It puts up no flag.
It shuns all order.

He closes his eyes.
He plays a pretense.

It closes in now.
It plays with big boys.

He forgets himself and reality.
Problems are gone in false amenity. The fisherman cast his net.
What will he draw in this time?
He wants fish, he says aloud,
he wants fish to bring ashore.

The line was secure and set.
How long must he bid his time?
Patience, said the rolling cloud,
patience is what you need more.

So he taught himself the ropes,
and listened to the advice.
He waited through day and night,
with the hopes of catching fish.

But the fish escaped his scopes,
the net empty more than twice.
Silently he cursed his plight,
and held within his anguish.

By chance his net a pearl,
a shiny beautiful thing.
He did not know of his luck,
nor the treasure he received.

In his hand he made it twirl,
Then he gave a mighty swing.
Into choppy sea it struck,
and never again retrieved.

What a waste the blessing was.
Through folly and ignorance,
the fisherman let away,
all he had ever hoped for.

So he continued his cause.
With stubbornness and patience,
the fisherman would just say,
I wait for the fish galore.

So again he cast his net.
Will he draw in fish this time?
Because fish is all I want,
he says, I just want the fish.

The line is secure and set.
Would he be in luck this time?
Wait and see, the clouds would taunt,
just please learn to distinguish.

He then realised his mistake,
only to leave a heart ache. She calls out to the man on the street
He can see shes been crying
Shes got blisters on the soles of her feet
Cant walk but shes trying

Oh think twice, its another day for
You and me in paradise
Oh think twice, its just another day for you,
You and me in paradise

Oh lord, is there nothing more anybody can do
Oh lord, there must be something you can say Death smiles at us all. All a man can do is smile back.

It is true, sadly. Reality, the truth is ugly. Death will catch up with us in the end. So the question is, what am I going to do with my life till that happens?

I find it awkward that I say, I am seventeen. Suddenly, with the new year, I have grown a year older. Seventeen. That is a big number. Suddenly I am more than just a teenager. But I must ask myself, how should I carry myself then?

Each second that passes is a second closer to my departure. Unfortunately, there has been so many instances when I have squandered precious time away. Like the old adage, money cannot buy time.

I want to dream, dream of something big.
So that in the future, I can say, I was the one who chose to walk this path.

Then of course, there is always death smiling at me. I have to get myself psyched up.

Today was not good. Not good at all. Some how, all the activities got to me. Now that I am home, I will take a step back to observe, reflect and act upon my conclusions tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be better.

Prayer cleanses the soul, but pain cleanses the body.

If you want peace, prepare for war.

Animal I Have Become by Three Days Grace

I can't escape this hell
So many times I've tried
But I'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal, this animal)

I can't escape myself
(I can't escape myself)
So many times I've lied
(So many times I've lied)
But there's still rage inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal

Somebody help me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
Somebody wake me from this nightmare
I can't escape this hell

(This animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal)

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal I have become) So today is the first day of school.

I am really really tired now. Think I will have to sleep early tonight. My shin is thoroughly bruised, thanks to a ball ramming into a still-healing bruise I received on Monday.

Came across a few familiar faces today. Exchanged niceties and, goodbyes.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring.
I wonder.
Older Post | Newer Post

If I ever learnt one thing over these past few years, it would be to sort out my own life before trying to meddle with others. As an old chinese proverb goes, one should properly manage one's family before fixing problems of the country and the world.

Always start small. Never attempt on a big endeavour when you are not sufficiently prepared. The consequences would be dire and disastrous. I am not implying that you should not dream big. You can dream big dreams, and have lofty ambitions. But reality cannot be denied, and you should know your limits. After all, Confucius commented, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. You cannot simply leap over to the finish line.

Likewise, in my own life, I would also want to apply the same concept. I will tell you in truth, I want to love every single human being, with the same unconditional love that God gives. In absolute honesty, I want to pledge my unwavering allegiance to the cause of greater good. But, - good things always come with buts - looking at the state of my own character and lifestyle, I can hardly perceive myself to be the man I wish to be.

Why the hesitancy then? Maybe because, in the past, I have messed up your lives by trying too hard and caring too hard. Now I realise the repercussions of reckless care and concern. Now I am afraid of the backfire, that instead of empowering you, I do the exact opposite. I diminish your spirits.

Or could the reason for my stalling be time? I need time. Do I really? Funny, how people always ask for time, and yet, upon being granted your wish, you squander your gift away. Time, do I really require this precious commodity? I introspect a little more and maybe, just maybe, all I need is direction and constant reminders to myself. I can turn my life around right now.

So hopefully, I will be able to make some decent improvements in the way I live out my life.
So hopefully, my dreams come within my reach.
So hopefully, my dreams become my reality. Curiosity killed the cat. He made no protestation of virtue; he always accompanied the Prince in those madcap ventures to London, where he beheld all manner of wild revelry; he never held himself aloof from his gay comrades, but he looked upon all their mad sports with the same calm gaze that had carried him without taint through the courts of Burgundy and the Dauphin. The gay, roistering young lords and gentlemen dubbed him Saint Myles, and jested with him about hair-cloth shirts and flagellations, but witticism and jest alike failed to move Myle's patient virtue; he went his own gait in the habits of his life, and in so going knew as little as the others of the mad court that the Prince's growing liking for him was, perhaps, more than all else, on account of that very temperance.

Extract from Men Of Iron by Howard Pyle.

To hold a code of chivalry in my heart. My grandfather spends his days in reticence. When I visit him on Sundays, he speaks very little, and goes about his daily mundane tasks. He reads his newspapers, watches his television, sits on the couch, eats his meals, all in a hermit-like fashion.

My grandfather is not some social giant who makes his presence felt. He moves around like the props person in the backstage of a play. He abstains from doing anything out of the ordinary. He stays within his boundary of isolation, and hardly talks unless absolutely necessary.

My grandfather leads a peaceful and predictable life. He dislikes traveling, and refuses to hire a helper for the household. He is content with the way things are and rejects change. He does what he is able and wishes to do.

My grandfather chooses his own path, and what ever it may bring him, where ever it may take him. For one day, we are all going to die; we just do not know when. Who ever I allow into my life; What ever I choose to do within my life; Where ever I decide to go in my life; How ever I opt to live my life, I will have to pay the consequences of my decisions.

I asked God to take away my habit.
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.
His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No.
Patience is a byproduct of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is learned.

I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings; happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own! , but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.

I asked God to help me love others, as much as He loves me.
God said... Finally you have the idea.

That is the wonder of free will, is it not?

DuPont: ... Now that you know it, can you really take it? Is it really worth the price?
John Preston: I pay it gladly. Everything is so useless.
I need some time to arrange my thoughts. Hello.
I got eight points.
That is all for today. I just downed three curry puffs that my dad bought from Old Chang Kee. I wonder what is for dinner later.

Man, I got to exercise more.

And I am the P.E. representative, like wow. To The Moon And Back by Savage Garden

She's taking time making up the reasons
To justify all the hurt inside
Guess she knows from the smiles and the look in their eyes
Everyone's got a theory about the bitter one
They're saying, "Mama never loved her much"
And, "Daddy never keeps in touch
That's why she shies away from human affection"
But somewhere in a private place
She packs her bags for outer space
And now she's waiting for the right kind of pilot to come
And she'll say to him
She's saying

I would fly up to the moon and back if you'll be...
If you'll be my baby
I've got a ticket for a world where we belong
So would you be my baby?

She can't remember a time when she felt needed
If love was red then she was color blind
All her friends, well they've been trialled for treason
And crimes that were never defined
She's saying, "Love is like a barren place,
And reaching out for human faith
It's like a journey I just don't have a map for"
So baby's gonna take a dive and
Push the shift to overdrive
Send a signal that she's hanging
All her hopes on the stars
What a pleasant dream
She's saying

I would fly up to the moon and back if you'll be...
If you'll be my baby
I've got a ticket for a world where we belong
So would you be my baby?

Hold on, hold on ...

Mama never loved her much
And, Daddy never keeps in touch
That's why she shies away from human affection
But somewhere in a private place
She packs her bags for outer space
And now she's waiting for the right kind of pilot to come
And she'll say to him
She's saying

I would fly up to the moon and back if you'll be...
If you'll be my baby
I've got a ticket for a world where we belong
So would you be my baby?

I would fly up to the moon and back if you'll be...
If you'll be my baby
I've got a ticket for a world where we belong
So would you be my baby?
Yeah... He hates what he sees.
He tries to change it.

It hates to be changed.
It tries to resist.

He gives up his goal.
He lets go of it.

It gives out a cheer.
It lets itself grow.

He puts on some shades.
He shuns the rampage.

It puts up no flag.
It shuns all order.

He closes his eyes.
He plays a pretense.

It closes in now.
It plays with big boys.

He forgets himself and reality.
Problems are gone in false amenity. The fisherman cast his net.
What will he draw in this time?
He wants fish, he says aloud,
he wants fish to bring ashore.

The line was secure and set.
How long must he bid his time?
Patience, said the rolling cloud,
patience is what you need more.

So he taught himself the ropes,
and listened to the advice.
He waited through day and night,
with the hopes of catching fish.

But the fish escaped his scopes,
the net empty more than twice.
Silently he cursed his plight,
and held within his anguish.

By chance his net a pearl,
a shiny beautiful thing.
He did not know of his luck,
nor the treasure he received.

In his hand he made it twirl,
Then he gave a mighty swing.
Into choppy sea it struck,
and never again retrieved.

What a waste the blessing was.
Through folly and ignorance,
the fisherman let away,
all he had ever hoped for.

So he continued his cause.
With stubbornness and patience,
the fisherman would just say,
I wait for the fish galore.

So again he cast his net.
Will he draw in fish this time?
Because fish is all I want,
he says, I just want the fish.

The line is secure and set.
Would he be in luck this time?
Wait and see, the clouds would taunt,
just please learn to distinguish.

He then realised his mistake,
only to leave a heart ache. She calls out to the man on the street
He can see shes been crying
Shes got blisters on the soles of her feet
Cant walk but shes trying

Oh think twice, its another day for
You and me in paradise
Oh think twice, its just another day for you,
You and me in paradise

Oh lord, is there nothing more anybody can do
Oh lord, there must be something you can say Death smiles at us all. All a man can do is smile back.

It is true, sadly. Reality, the truth is ugly. Death will catch up with us in the end. So the question is, what am I going to do with my life till that happens?

I find it awkward that I say, I am seventeen. Suddenly, with the new year, I have grown a year older. Seventeen. That is a big number. Suddenly I am more than just a teenager. But I must ask myself, how should I carry myself then?

Each second that passes is a second closer to my departure. Unfortunately, there has been so many instances when I have squandered precious time away. Like the old adage, money cannot buy time.

I want to dream, dream of something big.
So that in the future, I can say, I was the one who chose to walk this path.

Then of course, there is always death smiling at me. I have to get myself psyched up.

Today was not good. Not good at all. Some how, all the activities got to me. Now that I am home, I will take a step back to observe, reflect and act upon my conclusions tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be better.

Prayer cleanses the soul, but pain cleanses the body.

If you want peace, prepare for war.

Animal I Have Become by Three Days Grace

I can't escape this hell
So many times I've tried
But I'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal, this animal)

I can't escape myself
(I can't escape myself)
So many times I've lied
(So many times I've lied)
But there's still rage inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal

Somebody help me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
Somebody wake me from this nightmare
I can't escape this hell

(This animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal)

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal I have become) So today is the first day of school.

I am really really tired now. Think I will have to sleep early tonight. My shin is thoroughly bruised, thanks to a ball ramming into a still-healing bruise I received on Monday.

Came across a few familiar faces today. Exchanged niceties and, goodbyes.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring.
I wonder.
Older Post | Newer Post

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