30 September 2007
"You may not be interested in war, but war is interested in you."- Leon Trotsky
You may not be interested in examinations, but examinations are interested in you.
Which student ever asked to be put through the mill?
22 September 2007
Every thing is just spinning in front of me. I want them to stop. I want them to stop so I can see more clearly. I need to take things one at a time but they just keep twisting and twirling and turning. Until it is too late.
20 September 2007
“Who am I?”“Why am I here?”
“Where am I going?”
I am wondering how many people have those questions.
16 September 2007
During the retreat I came across a poster containing the following.Desiderata by Max Erhmann
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
14 September 2007
Back from the street soccer court.There was a slight drizzle while we were playing, but the rain got heavier when I decided to leave.
Anyway I am back home, after a warm shower, and eating my lunch. Going off for the retreat soon.
Enjoying my last meal at home.
11 September 2007
I was sitting on the see-saw today, and this little green caterpillar lowered itself from the branch diagonally above me. Thank goodness it went down to the ground beside me. Upon landing, it wriggled away in the usual wormy fashion. I just shiver thinking what would have happened if it landing on my head.What would have happened if?
Is there any point reminiscing about the past? Nothing can change what is already over. What is already past. What is already gone.
Maybe I will try a different approach to the question.
What is going to happen if?
10 September 2007
I am disappointed with myself.
07 September 2007
Contrary to what you say, today was not a boring day for me.I did a lot of things I never did before.
I feel like I have moved.
Anyway, someone in the neighbourhood is celebrating her birthday today too. I went over to confirm, after seeing all those balloons and flags and even a dial-a-cake truck.
Thank you all for all the wishes. I really really really appreciate them. Especially the one from you, all the way from Australia. You remembered!!! Too bad I cannot reply you.
06 September 2007
Sometimes all you need is sleep.For a break from this amazing world.
03 September 2007
So long since I have last shelled up.Being curt, being straight forward and no-nonsense. Living an anti-social lifestyle. So long since I severed emotional ties with other people. This barrier I construct around me, warns people that I am cold to approach. I become efficient as a machine, silent as an assassin. Settle the business and shut the door to the outside again. Professionally, precisely, proudly. Hiding in my shell.
Maybe Man really is a social creature, and cannot live in solitude. Facing the harshness of this world, I guess we all need to rely on some one else when we are young. The story may change as I grow older. For me to go solo, now that would be an achievement. To be seen in the eyes of the world as independant, self-sufficient.
I must have thought that by detatching myself from my social whims, I could gain this much coveted independance. Let others do what they want, if I am needed, they would come. Mmm, such warped thinking on my part. No one would seek me unless I prove myself as a friend first. This detatchment, this process brought me quiescence and simplified my life, but my friendships would never grow this way.
I held a brief conversation with my senior the other night. Failed miserably to humour him with a score of jokes. In disappointment I finally closed the conversation to minimise the suffering I was going through. Very painful to chat with him.
I am going to clean up my act. I know what to do now.
02 September 2007
When I notice you are happy I wish I could be that cause of your joy.When I notice you are sad I wish I could be that comfort of yours.
When I notice you are away I wish I could be on your mind.
When I notice you are here I wish I could be remain forever.
Yet all these are just wishful thinkings.