For the sake of reminiscence.

Home
Primary school
CCAB
King Albert Park
Chua Chu Kang Avenue 4 Block 435
Street soccer court in Yew Tee
Food court
Ying Lun's condominium
Park
Aunt's house
Home I have had three different mathematics teachers the past two years. The first of the trio seems so distant and passe. Even though the time span is barely a year, I can hardly recall the times when she was teaching. Functions, circle properties, etcetera.

Maybe I have a short memory. I think so, because I do not have much vivid recollections. I cannot even remember the time in Australia when I got lost. Another trait I have is that I do not attach emotions with the past. There is no nostalgia for me, the times always seem like present and future, not past.

Possibly, my brain just plain refuses to work on the memory bit. For one, I know that I remember only a minimal amount of dreams, or nightmares for that matter. Even those are mostly hazy.

All these negative points attributed to my memory worries me, because I have Biology and Geography papers tomorrow. Both require serious memorising.

On a lighter note, after tomorrow there would be the one week long holiday. Today was not so bad.

Tomorrow is not going to be any easier though.

Yesterday I was sitting down on the floor in my room. I was staring at the electric stand-up fan. The fan was facing me and blowing. I could see some dust on the interior of the metal frame. The fan rotated to point the other side, and I could see how dusty the fan truly was.

Well, I still remember the time when I set up that fan many Sundays ago. Brand new electronic fan, assembled piece by piece from the box. Looking at the fan now, I can barely grasp at the notion of how so much dust could collect.

I dismantled the frame and wiped the dust off from the blades and cover. Looked pretty much cleaner now.

Things always need maintenance, or they will deteriorate.
Just like a knife, when not sharpened regularly, will become blunt.
Just like DotA, if I do not hone my skills often, my skills will dull.

I am not going to become dusty or rusty or musty. Set meals on the menu for the coming weekdays.

Monday - Elementary Mathematics
Tuesday - Social Studies and Chemistry
Wednesday - Sorry, closed
Thursday - Geography Elective and Biology
Friday - Sorry, closed

Hopefully the meals would be all be with distinction.

I also wonder if I have prepared all the ingredients right.

I definitely do not want a cooking disaster. There was once a little fish. From the day he hatched he lived in the river, and grew up in the river. He was a very happy and contented fish. The river proved sufficient for the little fish.

One day a new entity entered the river. The little fish swam up to get a better look. A tasty snack attached to a metal hook. Out of curiosity, he nibbled a bite. It was delicious. He dared not take another mouth though, as it seemed too good to be true. After a while, the hook ascended above the river surface and out of his view.

This seemingly generous gift from above splashed into the river every day, but the little fish never tried to risk gulping the whole snack down. He thought, surely nothing can taste so good without spawning trouble.

This carried on for a long time, and soon enough, the little fish had grown to be a big fish. Day by day, he munched on a larger piece of than before. He was always wary not to eat too much, as that may spell disaster.

Then the river told the fish, the snack tossed in every day is actually bait from a fisherman. The hook is connected to a line, and the fisherman is waiting to reel you in once you fall for the trap. This confirmed the fears of the fish, and sent him pondering.

The fish thought, since young I have been safely eating the bait. Surely this could continue as before. Yet the nagging suspicion that he may one day be baited and caught never left his mind. So the fish decided never to eat from that horrible trap set up for him, however tasty it might be.

The river was enough for him, the river was sufficient. Nemo by Nightwish

This is me for forever
One of the lost ones
The one without a name
Without an honest heart
as compass

This is me for forever
One without a name
These lines the last endeavor
To find the missing lifeline

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I'd give my eveything

My flower, withered between
The pages two and three
The once and forever bloom
gone with my sins

Walk the dark path
Sleep with angels
Call the past for help
Touch me with your love
And reveal to me my true name

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I'd give my eveything
Oh, how I wish
For soothing rain
Oh how I wish to dream again
Once and for all
And all for once
Nemo my name forevermore

Nemo sailing home
Nemo letting go See the devil on the doorstep now, my oh my
Telling everybody oh just how to live their lives

To get things into perspective, English oral always comes first. Today was my oral examination. To my absolute amazement, I was first to go in the group. As you rephrased batlantly, first to die. I do not actually know how I fared since I hardly know the minds of my examiners function. Hence, I will not hope for too lofty dreams, I will just leave my grades as an average.

The next hurdle to overcome is the English preliminary paper tomorrow. I would have to double check on my format for the different letter-writings. There will be the weekends immediately after that, offering little respite, since most of the time would be dedicated to revision.

That is where my life seems to be going at the moment. Studying and sinking into my books. Thank goodness I still have time to play. I know some of you think that playing DotA at this period is suicide, but to me not playing is going to kill me too, though not literally in both cases. You know that, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy quote? I guess that applies to me as well.

Of course I also know that all play and no work makes Jack a playboy.

Here comes the Preliminaries. Insecurity.

Insecurity is a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving oneself to be unloved, inadequate or worthless.

Now to remove these unnecessary emotions.
I do not need these. Six relatives from China came over yesterday. One was my second cousin, with his wife. Our grandparents were siblings. He is already in his twenties, while I have barely crawled past one and a half decades.

I think that every one is similar. Even if they speak Chinese more fluently than I do, and I am more proficient in English than they are, we are still from the same family. Inside, nothing is so different between us. No matter that I do not look related, or that I may be more tan, or that I speak a different tongue.

What is the big difference between people, anyway?

People fear what they do not know. Relatives all came over tonight for a scrumptious dinner. We had tasty steamboat. I went over to the dining table to sit with you all. So happened you were talking about examinations.

I guess you are right. What grades do I want? That question is not important. What grades do I not want to get? This is the more serious issue. I do not want a situation on the day I receive my results when I regret allowing myself to be distracted. That slip of paper will affect my life, without doubt.

Watching television, games, slacking, these can wait I suppose. Not as if I am going to die soon, so I might as well bite the dust and immerse myself in piles of textbooks. Actually, no one knows when I am to die but God. Since every one so persistently wants me to do well in the examinations, you probably means business. I sometimes wonder you all worry so much for me. I bear the consequences of my life, really, not you.

Shrugs.

Life is complicated and so seemingly cyclic, but at least it is better than nothing. I spent the better part of today in school. Since 0710h to 2130h, and deducting the time dedicated for sleeping, I hardly have any time left for actually staying at home.

Home, sweet home.

A home is a place where a person or family lives, perhaps spends much of their time, or where a person is comfortable being.

A direct lift from Wikipedia, defining in a sentence what a home is.

I miss the extent of comfort and shelter I used to have. Never mind, I have to grow up. Quality, not quantity.
We have all heard this many times. Too many times, in fact.

As I have said, I learn many things during Legion of Mary meetings. No exception today. Life is the same thing. Quality, not quantity. I could live a ripe old age, I could live forever, and life can still be horrible and unbearable. On the other hand, I can have a life, and have it to the full.

The latter is what is expected of me. Attained a B3 grade for Chinese, with a merit for Oral.

The world keeps moving, and so far, I kept myself hunkered down within a little sanctuary of mine. Yet I grow restless. God knows what the future may bring. I am disillusioned, disturbed and dissatisfied by every thing and every one.

Such timing is impeccable.

The examinations are just approaching. There is no emotion; there is peace.
There is no ignorance; there is knowledge.
There is no passion; there is serenity.
There is no death; there is the Force. Psalm 49:1-12

1 Hear this, all you peoples;
give ear, all inhabitants of the world,
2 both low and high,
rich and poor together.
3 My mouth shall speak wisdom;
the meditation of my heart shall be understanding.
4 I will incline my ear to a proverb;
I will solve my riddle to the music of the harp.
5 Why should I fear in times of trouble,
when the iniquity of my persecutors surrounds me,
6 those who trust in their wealth
and boast of the abundance of their riches?
7 Truly, no ransom avails for one's life,
there is no price one can give to God for it.
8 For the ransom of life is costly,
and can never suffice,
9 that one should live on forever
and never see the grave.
10 When we look at the wise, they die;
fool and dolt perish together
and leave their wealth to others.
11 Their graves are their homes forever,
their dwelling places to all generations,
though they named lands their own.
12 Mortals cannot abide in their pomp;
they are like the animals that perish.

I believe the verses speak for themselves.

Put to death, therefore, whatever in you is earthly: fornication, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed.

The scripture from the Tenth Sunday after Pentecost, last week.

But now you must get rid of all such things — anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive language from your mouth.

I finally come to realisation. My way of life, that is to be silent. I will persevere in my silence. In this quiescence I tread my own path, away from the crowds, away from every one. To etch my own existence not for fame or same, but to repose in tranquility. Away from the complications of the world.

All things are wearisome;
more than one can express;
the eye is not satisfied with seeing,
or the ear filled with hearing.

Cowardice, I believe I touched on this matter before. I am running away from reality, so my speech would indicate. Yet all things are wearisome, I know the emptiness in my soul will not be fulfilled in others. I am tired of playing the fool, caught in this choke hold of an endless cycle. You will never be happy with me. Just as well, since I am not the harbinger of joy.

A generation goes, and a generation comes,
but the earth remains forever.
The sun rises and the sun goes down,
and hurries to the place where it rises.
The wind blows to the south,
and goes around to the north;
round and round goes the wind,
and on its circuits the wind returns.
All streams run to the sea,
but the sea is not full;
to the place where the streams flow,
there they continue to flow.

Just an endless cycle. I can please you once, I may please you twice or thrice, I would continue to do as such for ever, if there is justice in that. The fact is I am not so simple, and neither are you. We do not understand each other. We do not bother enough to make each self understood. Familiarity breeds contempt only when you try to change another. I know you will always, always pursue to make me into who you want me to be.

The people of long ago are not remembered,
nor will there be any remembrance
of people yet to come
by those who come after them.

Likewise, I will not be remembered. So here, sorry for everything. Forget everything, and I will move on with my life, alone. Alone. Just came back from my grandparents' place, and conveniently hopped onto messenger. Your personal message catches my eye.

In reason you find the greatest earthly comfort.

What's it about? Heh, why are you so curious? I'm just describing how rationalising solves everything... we just need to admit there's a reason for everything, and when we discover that reason, everything would fall into place and we'll stop worrying.

Yes, there's a reason for anything earthbound, which is why there is a premise in my statement - earthly.

Well, yes, but from the killer's or dissentor's perspective.
Well, correct is very subjective...

Hmm, why is ignorance more comforting? Ignorance implies knowing but not acknowledging... And because you know, the worry or whatever emotion it might stir, will always be there, It's inescapable.

But it's the only way to clear things up.
Yes, that's true.
But knowing brings closure.

Heh, you seem unconvinced. Experience will convince you, perhaps. =] Every little thing by Dishwalla

Let me in
to see you in the morning light
to get me on and all along the tears they come
see all come
I want you to believe in life
but I get the strangest feeling that you've gone away
will you find out who you are too late to change?
I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
some times

lift me up
just lift me up don't make a sound
and let me hold you up before you hit the Ground
see all come
you say your all right
but I get the strangest feeling
that you've gone away- you've gone away
and will you find out who you are too late to change?

I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
some times

Don't give me up
don't give me up tonight
or soon nothing will be right at all
salvation
will you find out who you are too late to change?

I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted So there I was doing your "True Friend Test" the other day. You have truly interesting questions! I hope this example would not be a spoiler for your other victims.

Question: "I Am A Scammer"
- Sometimes
- Yes
- No
- No Proof

Knowing you, you are a full-fledged trickster, prankster, joker, or whatever other word there is to describe you. Let me review my choices. Sometimes you are a scammer. Nope, that is definitely out. You are either A or B. There is no sitting on the fence, there is no mid-point of AB. No proof is just a big farce. The truth is everywhere. I bet everyone can relate to an occasion when they were fooled by you. That leaves me left with two options.

Yes or no.

Now this is where the weird psychological thinking kicks in. Everyone knows that you are a scammer. That is an undeniable fact. You even proclaim the title proudly. Reversed psychology says, since you are a convicted scammer, you are going to scam all the poor souls doing this question.

I ruled out yes.
I declare that, no, you are not a scammer!

Wonderful that I still know how your brain operates.

Moving on to another subject now, though. Chemistry! I finally realised why I do not seem to do well for this subject! Simply because I do not understand. I am a absolute memorise the textbook contents mugger. Pretty bitter to suddenly come to this conclusion. I did not even know why Potassium permanganate needs to be acidified to become an oxidising agent.

Well, never too late to do penance! Impasse.

Should I pursue an A Level Certificate or an International Baccalaureate Diploma?

Actually, that course is hard enough to spell. I had to look it up. Sometimes I wonder why people conflict.
Sometimes I wonder why people cannot accept each other.

Sometimes I just want to lay back and close my eyes and pretend nothing is transpiring. I rather not be involved. I do not want to be dragged into a crossfire. I do not want to step on your toes. I am a coward, that I know. I shirk my duties to lead a quiet existence. I just want to peace, so I avoid conflict. Just by not dissuading you to control your wrath, I support you in that sense. Evil prevails when good men do nothing. Not that I claim to be a good man; I am not a bad man either. The issue at hand is that by neglecting benevolence, malevolence grows rampant.

Wrath.
Wrath may be described as inordinate and uncontrolled feelings of hatred and anger. These feelings can manifest as vehement denial of the truth, both to others and in the form of self-denial, impatience with the procedure of law, and the desire to seek revenge outside of the workings of the justice system and generally wishing to do evil or harm to others. Dante Alighieri described vengeance as the love of justice perverted to revenge and spite.

The last line is most striking.

That is where you are, while I sit on my hands. You make it your daily task to pay your enemies back in their own coin. You never rest till you have crushed them. Your adversaries made your life hell, so you come back down hard on them. Aku Soku Zan. That is your way. That is your path. That is what you adamantly believe is right and true.

I cannot explain why people conflict.
I cannot explain why people reject each other.

I just want peace.
I got it, but others do not.
Does that make me a criminal? What a refreshing day.

Now I know where I am lacking.

Damn. Damn. Damn. Finally found time for myself to draw a breather in front of the computer. I know all this hectic and busy lifestyle may seem like an exaggeration by me, but really, my schedule is kind of packed.

Although the DotA match did not turn out so well - we lost - but we cannot always win, so there is some sort of give-and-take here.

Today I went to Swensen's in VivoCity for my lunch. Or rather, the western dining etiquette course for all the students of my cohort. The meal was delicious albeit slow. I only left Harbour Front station at half past five.

The time now is eleven sharp. Before this I was playing Warcraft III, and before that there was the Night Study Session. Pretty late considering I have Biology Practical preliminary examination tomorrow. On the other hand, thank goodness that I am only to report in school in about twelve hours from now. I would never dream of sleeping late if my examinations were in the wee hours of the morning.

A pity I am not free tomorrow afternoon. Bother! I seem to be having less and less time to use the computers these days.

The first practical and I have already made a score of careless mistakes. This is depressing. All I can say is, at least this is not the examination that counts. We all make mistakes anyway, so I do pray you will not grinding me by deploring my carelessness.

During the quarantine period I found myself talking to you about the effectiveness and the purpose of training camps. More of a debate, actually. You with anti-leadership camp stance whereas I remained pro-leadership camp. Such camps discriminate against a group of students as having no leadership, you insist. You and I, and two others just seemed to go on and on. We did have much time to spare, anyway.

I know my best bet would be to keep my mouth shut and not be a critic. I once told myself not to be critical. At times, I do forget myself and shoot my mouth off. In the end I tend to shoot myself in the foot. Being critical, being judgmental, in my own personal opinion, is something for God to do more often than not. Also, we are equal. I have no right to criticise you.

"Nobody is truly innocent, there are merely varying levels of guilt."
- Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War

As an afterthought, this is the kind of quote my Primary five cousin deems fit to be his personal message on messenger.
Mercy does not belong to this world, only death.
Older Post | Newer Post

For the sake of reminiscence.

Home
Primary school
CCAB
King Albert Park
Chua Chu Kang Avenue 4 Block 435
Street soccer court in Yew Tee
Food court
Ying Lun's condominium
Park
Aunt's house
Home I have had three different mathematics teachers the past two years. The first of the trio seems so distant and passe. Even though the time span is barely a year, I can hardly recall the times when she was teaching. Functions, circle properties, etcetera.

Maybe I have a short memory. I think so, because I do not have much vivid recollections. I cannot even remember the time in Australia when I got lost. Another trait I have is that I do not attach emotions with the past. There is no nostalgia for me, the times always seem like present and future, not past.

Possibly, my brain just plain refuses to work on the memory bit. For one, I know that I remember only a minimal amount of dreams, or nightmares for that matter. Even those are mostly hazy.

All these negative points attributed to my memory worries me, because I have Biology and Geography papers tomorrow. Both require serious memorising.

On a lighter note, after tomorrow there would be the one week long holiday. Today was not so bad.

Tomorrow is not going to be any easier though.

Yesterday I was sitting down on the floor in my room. I was staring at the electric stand-up fan. The fan was facing me and blowing. I could see some dust on the interior of the metal frame. The fan rotated to point the other side, and I could see how dusty the fan truly was.

Well, I still remember the time when I set up that fan many Sundays ago. Brand new electronic fan, assembled piece by piece from the box. Looking at the fan now, I can barely grasp at the notion of how so much dust could collect.

I dismantled the frame and wiped the dust off from the blades and cover. Looked pretty much cleaner now.

Things always need maintenance, or they will deteriorate.
Just like a knife, when not sharpened regularly, will become blunt.
Just like DotA, if I do not hone my skills often, my skills will dull.

I am not going to become dusty or rusty or musty. Set meals on the menu for the coming weekdays.

Monday - Elementary Mathematics
Tuesday - Social Studies and Chemistry
Wednesday - Sorry, closed
Thursday - Geography Elective and Biology
Friday - Sorry, closed

Hopefully the meals would be all be with distinction.

I also wonder if I have prepared all the ingredients right.

I definitely do not want a cooking disaster. There was once a little fish. From the day he hatched he lived in the river, and grew up in the river. He was a very happy and contented fish. The river proved sufficient for the little fish.

One day a new entity entered the river. The little fish swam up to get a better look. A tasty snack attached to a metal hook. Out of curiosity, he nibbled a bite. It was delicious. He dared not take another mouth though, as it seemed too good to be true. After a while, the hook ascended above the river surface and out of his view.

This seemingly generous gift from above splashed into the river every day, but the little fish never tried to risk gulping the whole snack down. He thought, surely nothing can taste so good without spawning trouble.

This carried on for a long time, and soon enough, the little fish had grown to be a big fish. Day by day, he munched on a larger piece of than before. He was always wary not to eat too much, as that may spell disaster.

Then the river told the fish, the snack tossed in every day is actually bait from a fisherman. The hook is connected to a line, and the fisherman is waiting to reel you in once you fall for the trap. This confirmed the fears of the fish, and sent him pondering.

The fish thought, since young I have been safely eating the bait. Surely this could continue as before. Yet the nagging suspicion that he may one day be baited and caught never left his mind. So the fish decided never to eat from that horrible trap set up for him, however tasty it might be.

The river was enough for him, the river was sufficient. Nemo by Nightwish

This is me for forever
One of the lost ones
The one without a name
Without an honest heart
as compass

This is me for forever
One without a name
These lines the last endeavor
To find the missing lifeline

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I'd give my eveything

My flower, withered between
The pages two and three
The once and forever bloom
gone with my sins

Walk the dark path
Sleep with angels
Call the past for help
Touch me with your love
And reveal to me my true name

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I'd give my eveything
Oh, how I wish
For soothing rain
Oh how I wish to dream again
Once and for all
And all for once
Nemo my name forevermore

Nemo sailing home
Nemo letting go See the devil on the doorstep now, my oh my
Telling everybody oh just how to live their lives

To get things into perspective, English oral always comes first. Today was my oral examination. To my absolute amazement, I was first to go in the group. As you rephrased batlantly, first to die. I do not actually know how I fared since I hardly know the minds of my examiners function. Hence, I will not hope for too lofty dreams, I will just leave my grades as an average.

The next hurdle to overcome is the English preliminary paper tomorrow. I would have to double check on my format for the different letter-writings. There will be the weekends immediately after that, offering little respite, since most of the time would be dedicated to revision.

That is where my life seems to be going at the moment. Studying and sinking into my books. Thank goodness I still have time to play. I know some of you think that playing DotA at this period is suicide, but to me not playing is going to kill me too, though not literally in both cases. You know that, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy quote? I guess that applies to me as well.

Of course I also know that all play and no work makes Jack a playboy.

Here comes the Preliminaries. Insecurity.

Insecurity is a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving oneself to be unloved, inadequate or worthless.

Now to remove these unnecessary emotions.
I do not need these. Six relatives from China came over yesterday. One was my second cousin, with his wife. Our grandparents were siblings. He is already in his twenties, while I have barely crawled past one and a half decades.

I think that every one is similar. Even if they speak Chinese more fluently than I do, and I am more proficient in English than they are, we are still from the same family. Inside, nothing is so different between us. No matter that I do not look related, or that I may be more tan, or that I speak a different tongue.

What is the big difference between people, anyway?

People fear what they do not know. Relatives all came over tonight for a scrumptious dinner. We had tasty steamboat. I went over to the dining table to sit with you all. So happened you were talking about examinations.

I guess you are right. What grades do I want? That question is not important. What grades do I not want to get? This is the more serious issue. I do not want a situation on the day I receive my results when I regret allowing myself to be distracted. That slip of paper will affect my life, without doubt.

Watching television, games, slacking, these can wait I suppose. Not as if I am going to die soon, so I might as well bite the dust and immerse myself in piles of textbooks. Actually, no one knows when I am to die but God. Since every one so persistently wants me to do well in the examinations, you probably means business. I sometimes wonder you all worry so much for me. I bear the consequences of my life, really, not you.

Shrugs.

Life is complicated and so seemingly cyclic, but at least it is better than nothing. I spent the better part of today in school. Since 0710h to 2130h, and deducting the time dedicated for sleeping, I hardly have any time left for actually staying at home.

Home, sweet home.

A home is a place where a person or family lives, perhaps spends much of their time, or where a person is comfortable being.

A direct lift from Wikipedia, defining in a sentence what a home is.

I miss the extent of comfort and shelter I used to have. Never mind, I have to grow up. Quality, not quantity.
We have all heard this many times. Too many times, in fact.

As I have said, I learn many things during Legion of Mary meetings. No exception today. Life is the same thing. Quality, not quantity. I could live a ripe old age, I could live forever, and life can still be horrible and unbearable. On the other hand, I can have a life, and have it to the full.

The latter is what is expected of me. Attained a B3 grade for Chinese, with a merit for Oral.

The world keeps moving, and so far, I kept myself hunkered down within a little sanctuary of mine. Yet I grow restless. God knows what the future may bring. I am disillusioned, disturbed and dissatisfied by every thing and every one.

Such timing is impeccable.

The examinations are just approaching. There is no emotion; there is peace.
There is no ignorance; there is knowledge.
There is no passion; there is serenity.
There is no death; there is the Force. Psalm 49:1-12

1 Hear this, all you peoples;
give ear, all inhabitants of the world,
2 both low and high,
rich and poor together.
3 My mouth shall speak wisdom;
the meditation of my heart shall be understanding.
4 I will incline my ear to a proverb;
I will solve my riddle to the music of the harp.
5 Why should I fear in times of trouble,
when the iniquity of my persecutors surrounds me,
6 those who trust in their wealth
and boast of the abundance of their riches?
7 Truly, no ransom avails for one's life,
there is no price one can give to God for it.
8 For the ransom of life is costly,
and can never suffice,
9 that one should live on forever
and never see the grave.
10 When we look at the wise, they die;
fool and dolt perish together
and leave their wealth to others.
11 Their graves are their homes forever,
their dwelling places to all generations,
though they named lands their own.
12 Mortals cannot abide in their pomp;
they are like the animals that perish.

I believe the verses speak for themselves.

Put to death, therefore, whatever in you is earthly: fornication, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed.

The scripture from the Tenth Sunday after Pentecost, last week.

But now you must get rid of all such things — anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive language from your mouth.

I finally come to realisation. My way of life, that is to be silent. I will persevere in my silence. In this quiescence I tread my own path, away from the crowds, away from every one. To etch my own existence not for fame or same, but to repose in tranquility. Away from the complications of the world.

All things are wearisome;
more than one can express;
the eye is not satisfied with seeing,
or the ear filled with hearing.

Cowardice, I believe I touched on this matter before. I am running away from reality, so my speech would indicate. Yet all things are wearisome, I know the emptiness in my soul will not be fulfilled in others. I am tired of playing the fool, caught in this choke hold of an endless cycle. You will never be happy with me. Just as well, since I am not the harbinger of joy.

A generation goes, and a generation comes,
but the earth remains forever.
The sun rises and the sun goes down,
and hurries to the place where it rises.
The wind blows to the south,
and goes around to the north;
round and round goes the wind,
and on its circuits the wind returns.
All streams run to the sea,
but the sea is not full;
to the place where the streams flow,
there they continue to flow.

Just an endless cycle. I can please you once, I may please you twice or thrice, I would continue to do as such for ever, if there is justice in that. The fact is I am not so simple, and neither are you. We do not understand each other. We do not bother enough to make each self understood. Familiarity breeds contempt only when you try to change another. I know you will always, always pursue to make me into who you want me to be.

The people of long ago are not remembered,
nor will there be any remembrance
of people yet to come
by those who come after them.

Likewise, I will not be remembered. So here, sorry for everything. Forget everything, and I will move on with my life, alone. Alone. Just came back from my grandparents' place, and conveniently hopped onto messenger. Your personal message catches my eye.

In reason you find the greatest earthly comfort.

What's it about? Heh, why are you so curious? I'm just describing how rationalising solves everything... we just need to admit there's a reason for everything, and when we discover that reason, everything would fall into place and we'll stop worrying.

Yes, there's a reason for anything earthbound, which is why there is a premise in my statement - earthly.

Well, yes, but from the killer's or dissentor's perspective.
Well, correct is very subjective...

Hmm, why is ignorance more comforting? Ignorance implies knowing but not acknowledging... And because you know, the worry or whatever emotion it might stir, will always be there, It's inescapable.

But it's the only way to clear things up.
Yes, that's true.
But knowing brings closure.

Heh, you seem unconvinced. Experience will convince you, perhaps. =] Every little thing by Dishwalla

Let me in
to see you in the morning light
to get me on and all along the tears they come
see all come
I want you to believe in life
but I get the strangest feeling that you've gone away
will you find out who you are too late to change?
I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
some times

lift me up
just lift me up don't make a sound
and let me hold you up before you hit the Ground
see all come
you say your all right
but I get the strangest feeling
that you've gone away- you've gone away
and will you find out who you are too late to change?

I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
some times

Don't give me up
don't give me up tonight
or soon nothing will be right at all
salvation
will you find out who you are too late to change?

I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted So there I was doing your "True Friend Test" the other day. You have truly interesting questions! I hope this example would not be a spoiler for your other victims.

Question: "I Am A Scammer"
- Sometimes
- Yes
- No
- No Proof

Knowing you, you are a full-fledged trickster, prankster, joker, or whatever other word there is to describe you. Let me review my choices. Sometimes you are a scammer. Nope, that is definitely out. You are either A or B. There is no sitting on the fence, there is no mid-point of AB. No proof is just a big farce. The truth is everywhere. I bet everyone can relate to an occasion when they were fooled by you. That leaves me left with two options.

Yes or no.

Now this is where the weird psychological thinking kicks in. Everyone knows that you are a scammer. That is an undeniable fact. You even proclaim the title proudly. Reversed psychology says, since you are a convicted scammer, you are going to scam all the poor souls doing this question.

I ruled out yes.
I declare that, no, you are not a scammer!

Wonderful that I still know how your brain operates.

Moving on to another subject now, though. Chemistry! I finally realised why I do not seem to do well for this subject! Simply because I do not understand. I am a absolute memorise the textbook contents mugger. Pretty bitter to suddenly come to this conclusion. I did not even know why Potassium permanganate needs to be acidified to become an oxidising agent.

Well, never too late to do penance! Impasse.

Should I pursue an A Level Certificate or an International Baccalaureate Diploma?

Actually, that course is hard enough to spell. I had to look it up. Sometimes I wonder why people conflict.
Sometimes I wonder why people cannot accept each other.

Sometimes I just want to lay back and close my eyes and pretend nothing is transpiring. I rather not be involved. I do not want to be dragged into a crossfire. I do not want to step on your toes. I am a coward, that I know. I shirk my duties to lead a quiet existence. I just want to peace, so I avoid conflict. Just by not dissuading you to control your wrath, I support you in that sense. Evil prevails when good men do nothing. Not that I claim to be a good man; I am not a bad man either. The issue at hand is that by neglecting benevolence, malevolence grows rampant.

Wrath.
Wrath may be described as inordinate and uncontrolled feelings of hatred and anger. These feelings can manifest as vehement denial of the truth, both to others and in the form of self-denial, impatience with the procedure of law, and the desire to seek revenge outside of the workings of the justice system and generally wishing to do evil or harm to others. Dante Alighieri described vengeance as the love of justice perverted to revenge and spite.

The last line is most striking.

That is where you are, while I sit on my hands. You make it your daily task to pay your enemies back in their own coin. You never rest till you have crushed them. Your adversaries made your life hell, so you come back down hard on them. Aku Soku Zan. That is your way. That is your path. That is what you adamantly believe is right and true.

I cannot explain why people conflict.
I cannot explain why people reject each other.

I just want peace.
I got it, but others do not.
Does that make me a criminal? What a refreshing day.

Now I know where I am lacking.

Damn. Damn. Damn. Finally found time for myself to draw a breather in front of the computer. I know all this hectic and busy lifestyle may seem like an exaggeration by me, but really, my schedule is kind of packed.

Although the DotA match did not turn out so well - we lost - but we cannot always win, so there is some sort of give-and-take here.

Today I went to Swensen's in VivoCity for my lunch. Or rather, the western dining etiquette course for all the students of my cohort. The meal was delicious albeit slow. I only left Harbour Front station at half past five.

The time now is eleven sharp. Before this I was playing Warcraft III, and before that there was the Night Study Session. Pretty late considering I have Biology Practical preliminary examination tomorrow. On the other hand, thank goodness that I am only to report in school in about twelve hours from now. I would never dream of sleeping late if my examinations were in the wee hours of the morning.

A pity I am not free tomorrow afternoon. Bother! I seem to be having less and less time to use the computers these days.

The first practical and I have already made a score of careless mistakes. This is depressing. All I can say is, at least this is not the examination that counts. We all make mistakes anyway, so I do pray you will not grinding me by deploring my carelessness.

During the quarantine period I found myself talking to you about the effectiveness and the purpose of training camps. More of a debate, actually. You with anti-leadership camp stance whereas I remained pro-leadership camp. Such camps discriminate against a group of students as having no leadership, you insist. You and I, and two others just seemed to go on and on. We did have much time to spare, anyway.

I know my best bet would be to keep my mouth shut and not be a critic. I once told myself not to be critical. At times, I do forget myself and shoot my mouth off. In the end I tend to shoot myself in the foot. Being critical, being judgmental, in my own personal opinion, is something for God to do more often than not. Also, we are equal. I have no right to criticise you.

"Nobody is truly innocent, there are merely varying levels of guilt."
- Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War

As an afterthought, this is the kind of quote my Primary five cousin deems fit to be his personal message on messenger.
Mercy does not belong to this world, only death.
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