Terrible influenza virus attacking me today. Either that, or I have a morning sinus that extends to the afternoon and night. I tried taking a nap in the afternoon in hopes that the symptoms would subside, but to no avail. So here I am, pityfully sniffing away at ten in the night.

I came back from school about half an hour ago. Night study sessions are now on in the library every night of the school week. Definitely productive time. First time I have really studied since God knows when.

Friends went to SHATEC today for their Western Dining Ettiqeutte course. From their comments and remarks, I gather the experience was a thoroughly fun one. A missed opportunity for me there.

Anyhow, no point brooding over lost chances, over spilt milk. I am going Swensen's in VivoCity on Thursday along with the other who could not make their allocated dates. Now that is something to look forward to.

Speaking about looking forward, preliminary examinations are in slightly more than twenty days. Time is running short. Just like my running nose.

Sometimes, I cannot seem to keep this glee off my face. Far out in space
I ride on,
Time is chasing us all,
It's not quite how it seems,
It's just a dream.

I don't believe
In a soul out of god
It's just twisted!
Fellow
You do not understand.

The above are lines from This Will Never End - Blind Guardian. Those very lines up there replay quite frequently in my head. You know, earworms.

Every body has their own different views on any single issue.

Pretend a three-pointed shape is place before you. Triangle? To you, yes. Now another looks at the figure from a slightly different angle. What is observed turns out to be a cone. To me, if I look from the direct bottom, I see a circle. How is that so? We all are looking at the same object from variated directions. We are all correct, in a sense.

Fundamental question here. What do you want out of life?
The truth is, I am not certain.

I know you always say, a leader must have an opinion for any question. A leader cannot not know. Evading the question is cowardice. I must rise up to the challenge and act upon my views.

More probable than not, I am not leader material. I embrace my immediate environs placidly. I squirm when I am tasked mammoth duties and faced with gargantuan expectations. However much I may put in my best potential during the stint, I eventually languish in idleness in the aftermath. Anyway I still have a few months to decide whether I want to become a Cadet Lieutenant or not.

I am just a happy smiling face being trialled the coldness and viciousness of icy claws. I do not want to conform to apathy.

Or have I already? Atrocities.
Unbelievably inhuman crimes.
Truly, we are living in a different generation.

Anyway today is your birthday, but I only found out halfway through the day. Sorry that I do not remember birth days. I do not really make that a point. Talk about random.

You call me over and lay out a scenario before me.
Imagine. Imagine the whole school population has turned into zombies. I have a team of four others, and we are located at the base of the Pretzel. We are equipped with M16s with plentiful ammunition, but not unlimited. From this point, I am to make my way off the premises to safety.

Enter into my mind's eye. We stand in the center of a rectangular plot of grass with the Pretzel to our back. Two classroom blocks run parallel on both sides, with the track and field at our fore. There is the side gate across the field, but the plan is not feasible. Open areas are suicide - We would be surrounded and killed. Scanning our back, there are stairwells. That is where we shall head for first.

Sticking close together, firing to keep the enemy at bay, we advance towards the stairs. Slam metal slugs into their head and incapacitate those monsters. Ensure that a safe perimeter is established between us and them. We cannot afford to be within their corrupted grasp. The stairs are mostly enclosed on most sides, so our guard is focused on the rear and front. We tread up the steps to the second level.

We now have run into a little problem. In all for points of the compass, there are classroom blocks. Time to spray down the corridors of horror. We hold down the trigger to impede the zombies while subtly moving up the next flight of steps. Third level is not unlike its precedent. We climb up yet again.

The last staircase landing is a different story. With only one row of classes threatening my team, we move swiftly to mow down their ranks with our rifles. We cross the bridge to the other block, where the computer labs are. We do not stop, we can not stop. Wave after wave of desecrated bodies lumber up the stairs. We continue down the hallway, spraying bullets before and behind our path.

We turn around the corner. From our vantage point, we observe the zombie-filled parade square below. An awful sight, but we have to press on towards the end of this passageway. Our current objective stood silently without an obstacle, as if taunting us of a greater danger lurking. Our aim is to reach the ladder. We dash across, eating up much ground with each step. The doors of the adjacent rooms burst open. Clambering out of the rooms are the accursed creatures.

Regaining our composure from the initial surprise, we hunker down together and overwhelm their senseless groans and grunts with the sound of automatic fire. The M16s carve out a route ahead of us as we leap over the multitude of fallen bodies littering the ground.

End of the road. My teammate places his hand on the rung and wastes no time to ascend the ladder. Giving a hard shove, the hatch flies open and reveals the skylight above. He points the barrel down and provides cover fire. One factor I did not consider was the stairs just next to the ladder, but only meagre amounts of those abominations stood on that little-frequented stairs. Hurriedly, I toss my rifle on the roof and push myself up through the hatch.

The exit is slammed shut with a resonant clang. We stand on our feet and take a deep breath, relishing this temporary respite from the terror below. The scene up here looks safe, even peaceful. The blue arched roof we stood upon is near boundary fence. However, the distance rendered jumping impossible. That would mean we have to move towards the administrative block and escape via the car park.

Picking up our equipment, we cross to the other side of the roof and drop down to the central corridor shelter. From there, we proceed further to land in the hydroponics garden. The area is kept locked except when lessons are being held. Through the grills, the lifeless monsters stretch out their hands in a futile attempt to reach us. Turning away, we use a combination of boosts and lifts to climb on the inclined tiled roof. The administrative block, the teachers' workroom is directly below us. The pyramid-like rooftop with the cross planted at the apex. We navigate our sights to the car park. A dismal scene. The car park is overrun with the walking dead.

A spark of inspiration lit within me. The spark which set the fire going, literally. I signal for the team's sniper-trained personnel to take aim. At his own time, he peppered three to four bullets into the bonnet of a vehicle. The volatile fuel within the tank ignited easily. We scramble to take cover, flattening ourselves on the roof. The initial explosion has begun to set off a chain reaction. Each car became a bomb, and the broken chassis fragmented into huge flying projectiles. Above us, a charred chunk of car spun recklessly.

Taking advantage of the cleared scene, we pop a few heads still stumbling around in the debris. Crouching down, we stick one leg out and went over the edge in synchrony. We land with our knees bent as in normal procedure. Right now, we are on the second level floor extension from the teachers room, stepping upon inanimate bodies.

Taking two steps at a time, we descend the stairs. To our left, lay a time capsule. amidst the explosions, it still remains untouched and unstained. I wonder quietly what the future generations would find secured inside. To our right, zombies were slowly making their way to fill up the void in the car park.

We break into a run towards the gates. Resting the butt of the M16 into the hollow of our shoulders, we shot the little that still moved in the vicinity. Our feet cross the gates, and we gaze back. Little patches of fires still burn, illuminating the zombies in a ghastly light.

Well you see, I completed your scenario. See you around, I have to go. Exam fever seems to be taking every one by storm.

Yet I still stand here unharmed, untouched and unaffected. You and I both have twenty four hours a day each. You and I can choose what we want to do with that time. Somehow, that precious currency of time I am given never seems to be spent on that poignant commodity of academics.

Maybe the storm will pass and leave me unscathed. Otherwise, I will have no choice but to fight the storm and the environs. I will come out stronger. As Frederick Douglass put into perspective: Without a struggle, there is no progress. After all, even a cornered feral will fight anything. I offer no quarter, and I beg for none.

Other than that, I do continue to hope that I can do what I wish to do.
I am not bound to please thee with my answers.
- Shakespeare Relapse into reticence.
With closed eyes wondering why.
A man in this universe,
Beneath the quilt of the night sky,
Why life below is so terse.

Silence all of my senses.
With opened heart searching why,
A person in this city,
Along with billions who try,
Why life tastes bland and gritty.


I am headed no where.
The package of life always came with death.
My seconds are marked by the ticking away of the clock.
My life never ceases to tick away. I lift my schoolbag up to my shoulders and rest it comfortably on my back. If I were to describe my bag to you in one word, that word would be heavy. Believe me when I complain about the weight. Actually, I cannot truly complain, simply because I have no one to complain to. This is my bag, home to my textbooks, worksheets, writing materials and other random objects. In truth, these residing little bits of items do not weigh much alone. The accumulation is due to my indifference and laziness to act. So therefore, if I should whine, the person to put the matter right is myself. My schoolbag is my responsibility, I will take charge.

Then again, having a optimistic mind always opens doorways of counterargument. I do not carry the bag all around school, in addition to the fact that the school is not extremely humongous. This burden is only for short periods of time, so there is no reason why I can not support the load. Anyway, extra weights would help keep my body fit, right?

By now, I am already walking out of the school gates. Time to head home, where my lunch is waiting. This morning, I told my mum that I would have lunch at home. At that time, I was groggy, lethargic and had no idea how I would ever get through the day. By recess, my mind had already inclined towards the decision of staying back instead. After school, I messaged my mother, wondering if lunch was already prepared. Turns out that lunch was indeed cooked. Well, since I made a choice in the morning, I am going to stick with it all the way.

So I stroll along the pavement, occupying my mind with disarrayed thoughts. If only, I hope, I could meet someone while on the journey home and talk for a bit. Maybe if I walked home everyday, I could even meet that person again in future. I am not bothering to make anymore sense out of my dulled imagination - school saps much of my energy - so I just press forward and stare ahead.

Surprisingly, I see you walking in the distance. Of course, I could only recognise you when we stood a few metres apart, since my spectacles are not on. You tilt your head in a quizzical manner, and from that I dissolve all my qualms and say a hello. We stride past each other and carry on to our respective destinations. A brief encounter, but how uncanny the coincidence.

Many other things happened today, many thing I have to share. Not now though, some thoughts can be left for the future to apprehend. I deftly switched on my computer - Practice makes perfect. Familiar with the routine, I sat myself down as comfortably as possible on the wooden frame of the chair. Unlike the one I was sitting on several hours ago, this time I was not sliding down into a slouching position. I guess the swivel chair in the conference room is too slippery against my white school pants.

Pouring water into my cup, I surveyed the table. Maybe there is a sharpener in this pencil holder, I thought. You see, my dad was looking for a sharpener, I know not why. Even when I offered him my mechanical pencil as a substitute, he refused and insisted the need of a sharpener. People have their reasons, I conclude.

Instead of finding the coveted sharpener, I found a different kind of treasure. Bookmarks, with quotes printed on them. Now I have something to read while the computer starts up. One interesting sentence struck me and I wish to share the quote on this blog.

Even if you're on the right track,
you'll get run over if you just sit there.

My first question to myself.
What do I want?
Good results.

My second question to myself.
What must I do?
Study.

My third question to myself.
Can I do it?
Pretty obviously.

My fourth and last question to myself.
What am I waiting for?
Nothing, really.

The above just means I am to begin immersing myself into knowledge and become a walking textbook of all subjects. Oh well, at least I have parents to please. I think I am going to have an early night tonight.
Goodbye to this week.
Hello to next week.
God, I wonder if I have the determination to get through five more days.
I really love these two days of the weekend.

Thought of the day from Warhammer 40,000.
Perseverance and silence are the highest virtues. I was listening to To the moon and back by Savage Garden and going through some of my friends' blogs today and I thought, hey, I should reflect on some yearnings of my soul.

Hi, I am Jon, and the whole world feels cold to touch and hard to move. If you let me, I could do so much more. Just allow me to carry myself through, and work with me. I will show you how much better I can be. How can I, though? How can I achieve when you resist and purposefully hamper my progress instead of cooperating? I want to be helped.

Hi, I am Jon, and I have my own opinions about things. If you would just be more understanding and listen, I would be so much more at ease. Time and time again, you force down your own guidelines down my throat, and I am choking. I really hope you would allow me to work in my own ways. I want to be respected.

Hi, I am Jon, and I want to be someone special to you. Why do I want this? Because you are special, you are different from the rest, and if only you would accept me. When you do, I too would feel special, that I am not just another face in the crowd. I want to be special. I want to be loved.

She can't remember a time when she felt needed
If love was red then she was color blind
All her friends, well they've been trialed for treason
And crimes that were never defined
She's saying, "Love is like a barren place,
And reaching out for human faith
It's like a journey I just don't have a map for"
So baby's gonna take a dive and
Push the shift to overdrive
Send a signal that she's hanging
All her hopes on the stars
What a pleasant dream
She's sayin

I would fly up to the moon and back if you'll be...
If you'll be my baby
I've got a ticket for a world where we belong
So would you be my baby? Seeing you being probed with "Do you eat to live or do you live to eat?", I could not help but to quip that the relationship works both ways, a mutual exchange.

English Oral Preliminaries today. Real bore waiting outside the hall. We were supposed to be waiting in the Lecture Theater but the room was being used already. I decided to take a nap. Better than staring blankly into space, I guess.

The thing about people is that everyone is different. In class I am drilled to read slowly, read slowly, and read slowly. Who would have guessed that one of the comments I received was that my reading pace was too slow. Everyone contradicts each other, so who do I listen to?

Anyway, about food. Do I live to eat or eat to live. If I do not eat I would die from starvation. If I did not love my food, that would be a pity. I will treasure whatever I am given. Not everyone has at least three filling meals a day. I rejoice in whatever I am given. There are always people less fortunate than I am. I am satisfied even if I have nothing, for I still have life while others have met their end.

A man with perfect eyesight has two choices, to appreciate his surroundings or to neglect and ignore the wonders. When one day he becomes blind, his limited choices disappear. No more options, too late to change, past the time for penitence.

I made my own decision. I reap my own consequences. The Fox and the Grapes

One hot summer's day a Fox was strolling through an orchard till he came to a bunch of Grapes just ripening on a vine which had been trained over a lofty branch. "Just the thing to quench my thirst," he said. Drawing back a few paces, he took a run and
a jump, and just missed the bunch. Turning round again with a trot, he jumped up, but with no greater success. Again and again he tried after the tempting morsel, but at last had to give it up, and walked away with his nose in the air, saying: "I am sure they are sour."

It is easy to despise what you cannot get. Today was General Certificate of Education Chinese Paper Three. The listening comprehension examination was broadcast over Symphony 92.4FM on the radio.

Some devious ploy concocted to make the candidates fall asleep and doze off the light music. Thank goodness for caffeine. Time just ticks away.

Dreams are the touchstones of our character.
- Henry David Thoreau Saw a tent laid onto the pedestrian crossing near the Rochor Canal Road. A policeman was pouring bottled water into a sanguine pool. Huge crowd gathered at the pavement. Someone met with a fatal accident.

You curse everything. You never cease to complain that your life is empty. You feel that you have wasted the day away. I posed this question: What is the purpose of your life? You gave me a spontaneous answer. I guess immediate replies are also honest replies. Sure, that is what you want. I am not going to dissuade you or wrong you. Actually, I am now wondering why you want something so intangible. So tantalizing, yet unable to reach. Bouncing the question back at me, I am just content to live my life without worry.

I do not understand why people become so sad when another dies. The person kicked the bucket, is deceased, is dead. Is there really any point to gather around to grieve? Given time, matters can be forgotten and life goes back into the usual routine. When I die, I do not expect a crowd of mourners. When I am gone, I am gone! No use crying over a dead body. I would not suddenly sit up in my grave.

I am disconcerted when I see people who do not live. Do not be mistaken. We breathe, our hearts beat, we think, we feel, but do we know how to live? To live in anguish and self-torment everyday is not truly living. Less fortunate people around the globe can be happier than you or I. They know how to be alive.

I wish for simple things in life, but I know that is not what you wish for me. So the issue and contradiction comes hence. How do I make you happy when what I want for myself is not what you have decided is best for me? On my way to my celebrate my grandfather's birthday, my family was talking about Luke. He came in first in 2007 IODA Asian Optimist Championship.

Just to explain how the competition works, there are twelve races. The positions of the best ten races are considered for the final score. The cumulated score is then used for ranking. So, the lower the score, the better the results.

The matter is, my cousin, he did not come in first for any of the races. Another sailor came in first for four races, but she was not overall first. So I suddenly blurted out, lose the battle but win the war.

My dad started repeating the phrase and asserted that the quote was more apt for this situation. He went further to ask how I knew that phrase. I just picked it up, I guess.

In hindsight, I should have convinced my father that I learnt the quote from the internet. A little lie for a little more slack.

Time to grin. I know you people think I am crazy and all, running around the track.
I hope you do not think I am training, simply because I am not.
I am just trying to lose some excess fat.
That is the actual reason, honest.

Oh by the way, because running is fun too. I had a talk over your lunch and my VitaSoy. I have been thinking about what you said, about stress having advantages.

To you, stress can make you alert and aware. Stress would fill you with adrenaline and make you ready to act in the given situation. Stress keeps you focused on the urgent task to meet a deadline. Of course, you also mention how too much stress is counterproductive.

I have thought over it. My stand on this is thus, no stress is still the better option. Why should I have need to place myself into hot soup? I avoid problems and complications with my best effort. Some things like homework, I do not really have a choice. Otherwise, I live a sanguine life.

If I stress pushing me and bugging me every step of the way, I would never have peace enough to enjoy the beauty around me. In fact, I would never have a peace of mind. Every second would be another reminder of a matter needing taking care of. Every move would be under the pressure of scrutiny and criticism. Every moment would be enclosed by the rush of work. I do not want to be lost in this suffocating jail.

I am free. Without stress, I am free. Free to do as I wish and please. Free to smile, to frown, to laugh, to cry. Free to do what I want except for one condition. That my actions never affect another negatively.

What is so good about stress? To give me stress is akin to clipping my wings. I rather soar than be tied down to earth.

Your soul's like water but
Your fate is like the wind
Here is the new order
Hope shall be your guide
Praise the new order
Now let my spirit go My bed is so nice. I just want to snuggle underneath the sheets and continue to sleep. This is not to be, rise and shine, a brand new school week awaits me.

I survived today, thanks a few sweets, a gum and some jokes. After school I got changed to my half-dried PE attire and went to find some teachers with both of you. As our luck would have had it, none of them were there. What a waste. At least I had a good look of your trophy.

Mind you, this trophy is no ordinary trophy. This is Best Senior NCO Award. The cup can contain enough alcohol to make you drunk. Bottom line is, the trophy is cool.

I had a little adventure today. I went to the Fitness Corner and found you with two other friends passing a soccer ball around. Me being me, I decided to insinuate myself into your company and play some soccer. Achieving that, we played a bit till you rammed the ball over the pull-up bars. Up, up and over the fence as well.

Well good luck to us then. I went up with you in the end. Our first time in that dense vegetation. Just like in Sabah, but this time the path is much narrower and I am not wearing long pants. We found the soccer ball a little up the hill along with a deflated rugby ball. Ants were biting me. I saw one ant the size of the tip joint section of my thumb. Mind you, that is no ordinary household ant.

We emerged in the end, and my knee did not feel so good. Two laps around the track did more harm than good. I think my knee has some problem. I should see a doctor some time.

For now, I have time to burn away. As an old man walked the beach at dawn, he noticed a boy ahead of him picking up starfish and flinging them into the sea. Finally catching up with the boy, he asked why he was doing this. The answer was that the stranded starfish would die if left until the morning sun.
"But the beach goes on for miles and there are millions of starfish," said the old man. "How can your effort make any difference?"
The boy looked at the starfish in his hand and then threw it safely in the waves.
"It makes a difference to this one," he said.

Anniversary Parade is over, so marks the end of my term. I never shook the world with some great new discovery or controversial philosophy. At least, at the very least, I have made a difference to a handful of lives. That is good, that is plenty good. I have not gone to waste.

Small deeds done are better than great deeds planned. Finally over.
It is finally over.

Cheers! Chinese Oral has been concluded today.

So much for the hype. Just a touch and go. The precipitation of ten years of studying my mother tongue. I wonder if it will be the same for the other subjects.

I am questioning the need for emotions again. Emotions are just chemical reactions in my brain. A choice really, to feel what I want to feel, to shunt out what I reject. For all I know, this is only a manifestation of my fantasy. Hopes that I might transcend the woes of humanity and into tranquility.

On the same note, I should not break my back to continue a relationship. Instead, I will take on a more passive role and let friendship grow naturally. Interestingly enough, if a bush is not tended by a gardener, the plant will not grow beautifully. People tire. I tire. Maybe I cannot be bothered anymore, maybe I decided to try a different approach. I relinquish all duties as a gardener. You want something out of this, then you can pick up the garden tools and work yourself. I will help, definitely, but I will not burn myself out.

No man is an island. Everyone affects everyone else. I affect you, but now only minimally. I try my best to burrow into my own fox hole and live my own life. If you need me, this is where I will be. Inside my sanctuary.

Yes, this is my sanctuary.

If the bush runs rampant and out of control, I guess I can only shrug. There is no loss if there was nothing to gain in the first place. I leave you with the choice.

I have all I need right here, this I have to believe. Is life stressful? I miss Legion of Mary.
I have not gone for meeting or morning prayer for weeks running.
Tomorrow, maybe tomorrow, I will go for morning prayer.
Well I will see how real my conviction is anyway.

Pretty tired from the day today. Bryan asked me a while ago to go play DotA. I declined due to the fact that both my parents were behind me at the dining table discussing their adult matters. A very strong deferential influence. My parents feel that I play too much.

Been busy nowadays. Busy living life, doing things I want to do most of the time, other times I do the things I have to do. There are those times that are a mix of what I wish and what I am required of.

You know, if you rather I scram, your loss.
More about this another time.
Older Post | Newer Post

Terrible influenza virus attacking me today. Either that, or I have a morning sinus that extends to the afternoon and night. I tried taking a nap in the afternoon in hopes that the symptoms would subside, but to no avail. So here I am, pityfully sniffing away at ten in the night.

I came back from school about half an hour ago. Night study sessions are now on in the library every night of the school week. Definitely productive time. First time I have really studied since God knows when.

Friends went to SHATEC today for their Western Dining Ettiqeutte course. From their comments and remarks, I gather the experience was a thoroughly fun one. A missed opportunity for me there.

Anyhow, no point brooding over lost chances, over spilt milk. I am going Swensen's in VivoCity on Thursday along with the other who could not make their allocated dates. Now that is something to look forward to.

Speaking about looking forward, preliminary examinations are in slightly more than twenty days. Time is running short. Just like my running nose.

Sometimes, I cannot seem to keep this glee off my face. Far out in space
I ride on,
Time is chasing us all,
It's not quite how it seems,
It's just a dream.

I don't believe
In a soul out of god
It's just twisted!
Fellow
You do not understand.

The above are lines from This Will Never End - Blind Guardian. Those very lines up there replay quite frequently in my head. You know, earworms.

Every body has their own different views on any single issue.

Pretend a three-pointed shape is place before you. Triangle? To you, yes. Now another looks at the figure from a slightly different angle. What is observed turns out to be a cone. To me, if I look from the direct bottom, I see a circle. How is that so? We all are looking at the same object from variated directions. We are all correct, in a sense.

Fundamental question here. What do you want out of life?
The truth is, I am not certain.

I know you always say, a leader must have an opinion for any question. A leader cannot not know. Evading the question is cowardice. I must rise up to the challenge and act upon my views.

More probable than not, I am not leader material. I embrace my immediate environs placidly. I squirm when I am tasked mammoth duties and faced with gargantuan expectations. However much I may put in my best potential during the stint, I eventually languish in idleness in the aftermath. Anyway I still have a few months to decide whether I want to become a Cadet Lieutenant or not.

I am just a happy smiling face being trialled the coldness and viciousness of icy claws. I do not want to conform to apathy.

Or have I already? Atrocities.
Unbelievably inhuman crimes.
Truly, we are living in a different generation.

Anyway today is your birthday, but I only found out halfway through the day. Sorry that I do not remember birth days. I do not really make that a point. Talk about random.

You call me over and lay out a scenario before me.
Imagine. Imagine the whole school population has turned into zombies. I have a team of four others, and we are located at the base of the Pretzel. We are equipped with M16s with plentiful ammunition, but not unlimited. From this point, I am to make my way off the premises to safety.

Enter into my mind's eye. We stand in the center of a rectangular plot of grass with the Pretzel to our back. Two classroom blocks run parallel on both sides, with the track and field at our fore. There is the side gate across the field, but the plan is not feasible. Open areas are suicide - We would be surrounded and killed. Scanning our back, there are stairwells. That is where we shall head for first.

Sticking close together, firing to keep the enemy at bay, we advance towards the stairs. Slam metal slugs into their head and incapacitate those monsters. Ensure that a safe perimeter is established between us and them. We cannot afford to be within their corrupted grasp. The stairs are mostly enclosed on most sides, so our guard is focused on the rear and front. We tread up the steps to the second level.

We now have run into a little problem. In all for points of the compass, there are classroom blocks. Time to spray down the corridors of horror. We hold down the trigger to impede the zombies while subtly moving up the next flight of steps. Third level is not unlike its precedent. We climb up yet again.

The last staircase landing is a different story. With only one row of classes threatening my team, we move swiftly to mow down their ranks with our rifles. We cross the bridge to the other block, where the computer labs are. We do not stop, we can not stop. Wave after wave of desecrated bodies lumber up the stairs. We continue down the hallway, spraying bullets before and behind our path.

We turn around the corner. From our vantage point, we observe the zombie-filled parade square below. An awful sight, but we have to press on towards the end of this passageway. Our current objective stood silently without an obstacle, as if taunting us of a greater danger lurking. Our aim is to reach the ladder. We dash across, eating up much ground with each step. The doors of the adjacent rooms burst open. Clambering out of the rooms are the accursed creatures.

Regaining our composure from the initial surprise, we hunker down together and overwhelm their senseless groans and grunts with the sound of automatic fire. The M16s carve out a route ahead of us as we leap over the multitude of fallen bodies littering the ground.

End of the road. My teammate places his hand on the rung and wastes no time to ascend the ladder. Giving a hard shove, the hatch flies open and reveals the skylight above. He points the barrel down and provides cover fire. One factor I did not consider was the stairs just next to the ladder, but only meagre amounts of those abominations stood on that little-frequented stairs. Hurriedly, I toss my rifle on the roof and push myself up through the hatch.

The exit is slammed shut with a resonant clang. We stand on our feet and take a deep breath, relishing this temporary respite from the terror below. The scene up here looks safe, even peaceful. The blue arched roof we stood upon is near boundary fence. However, the distance rendered jumping impossible. That would mean we have to move towards the administrative block and escape via the car park.

Picking up our equipment, we cross to the other side of the roof and drop down to the central corridor shelter. From there, we proceed further to land in the hydroponics garden. The area is kept locked except when lessons are being held. Through the grills, the lifeless monsters stretch out their hands in a futile attempt to reach us. Turning away, we use a combination of boosts and lifts to climb on the inclined tiled roof. The administrative block, the teachers' workroom is directly below us. The pyramid-like rooftop with the cross planted at the apex. We navigate our sights to the car park. A dismal scene. The car park is overrun with the walking dead.

A spark of inspiration lit within me. The spark which set the fire going, literally. I signal for the team's sniper-trained personnel to take aim. At his own time, he peppered three to four bullets into the bonnet of a vehicle. The volatile fuel within the tank ignited easily. We scramble to take cover, flattening ourselves on the roof. The initial explosion has begun to set off a chain reaction. Each car became a bomb, and the broken chassis fragmented into huge flying projectiles. Above us, a charred chunk of car spun recklessly.

Taking advantage of the cleared scene, we pop a few heads still stumbling around in the debris. Crouching down, we stick one leg out and went over the edge in synchrony. We land with our knees bent as in normal procedure. Right now, we are on the second level floor extension from the teachers room, stepping upon inanimate bodies.

Taking two steps at a time, we descend the stairs. To our left, lay a time capsule. amidst the explosions, it still remains untouched and unstained. I wonder quietly what the future generations would find secured inside. To our right, zombies were slowly making their way to fill up the void in the car park.

We break into a run towards the gates. Resting the butt of the M16 into the hollow of our shoulders, we shot the little that still moved in the vicinity. Our feet cross the gates, and we gaze back. Little patches of fires still burn, illuminating the zombies in a ghastly light.

Well you see, I completed your scenario. See you around, I have to go. Exam fever seems to be taking every one by storm.

Yet I still stand here unharmed, untouched and unaffected. You and I both have twenty four hours a day each. You and I can choose what we want to do with that time. Somehow, that precious currency of time I am given never seems to be spent on that poignant commodity of academics.

Maybe the storm will pass and leave me unscathed. Otherwise, I will have no choice but to fight the storm and the environs. I will come out stronger. As Frederick Douglass put into perspective: Without a struggle, there is no progress. After all, even a cornered feral will fight anything. I offer no quarter, and I beg for none.

Other than that, I do continue to hope that I can do what I wish to do.
I am not bound to please thee with my answers.
- Shakespeare Relapse into reticence.
With closed eyes wondering why.
A man in this universe,
Beneath the quilt of the night sky,
Why life below is so terse.

Silence all of my senses.
With opened heart searching why,
A person in this city,
Along with billions who try,
Why life tastes bland and gritty.


I am headed no where.
The package of life always came with death.
My seconds are marked by the ticking away of the clock.
My life never ceases to tick away. I lift my schoolbag up to my shoulders and rest it comfortably on my back. If I were to describe my bag to you in one word, that word would be heavy. Believe me when I complain about the weight. Actually, I cannot truly complain, simply because I have no one to complain to. This is my bag, home to my textbooks, worksheets, writing materials and other random objects. In truth, these residing little bits of items do not weigh much alone. The accumulation is due to my indifference and laziness to act. So therefore, if I should whine, the person to put the matter right is myself. My schoolbag is my responsibility, I will take charge.

Then again, having a optimistic mind always opens doorways of counterargument. I do not carry the bag all around school, in addition to the fact that the school is not extremely humongous. This burden is only for short periods of time, so there is no reason why I can not support the load. Anyway, extra weights would help keep my body fit, right?

By now, I am already walking out of the school gates. Time to head home, where my lunch is waiting. This morning, I told my mum that I would have lunch at home. At that time, I was groggy, lethargic and had no idea how I would ever get through the day. By recess, my mind had already inclined towards the decision of staying back instead. After school, I messaged my mother, wondering if lunch was already prepared. Turns out that lunch was indeed cooked. Well, since I made a choice in the morning, I am going to stick with it all the way.

So I stroll along the pavement, occupying my mind with disarrayed thoughts. If only, I hope, I could meet someone while on the journey home and talk for a bit. Maybe if I walked home everyday, I could even meet that person again in future. I am not bothering to make anymore sense out of my dulled imagination - school saps much of my energy - so I just press forward and stare ahead.

Surprisingly, I see you walking in the distance. Of course, I could only recognise you when we stood a few metres apart, since my spectacles are not on. You tilt your head in a quizzical manner, and from that I dissolve all my qualms and say a hello. We stride past each other and carry on to our respective destinations. A brief encounter, but how uncanny the coincidence.

Many other things happened today, many thing I have to share. Not now though, some thoughts can be left for the future to apprehend. I deftly switched on my computer - Practice makes perfect. Familiar with the routine, I sat myself down as comfortably as possible on the wooden frame of the chair. Unlike the one I was sitting on several hours ago, this time I was not sliding down into a slouching position. I guess the swivel chair in the conference room is too slippery against my white school pants.

Pouring water into my cup, I surveyed the table. Maybe there is a sharpener in this pencil holder, I thought. You see, my dad was looking for a sharpener, I know not why. Even when I offered him my mechanical pencil as a substitute, he refused and insisted the need of a sharpener. People have their reasons, I conclude.

Instead of finding the coveted sharpener, I found a different kind of treasure. Bookmarks, with quotes printed on them. Now I have something to read while the computer starts up. One interesting sentence struck me and I wish to share the quote on this blog.

Even if you're on the right track,
you'll get run over if you just sit there.

My first question to myself.
What do I want?
Good results.

My second question to myself.
What must I do?
Study.

My third question to myself.
Can I do it?
Pretty obviously.

My fourth and last question to myself.
What am I waiting for?
Nothing, really.

The above just means I am to begin immersing myself into knowledge and become a walking textbook of all subjects. Oh well, at least I have parents to please. I think I am going to have an early night tonight.
Goodbye to this week.
Hello to next week.
God, I wonder if I have the determination to get through five more days.
I really love these two days of the weekend.

Thought of the day from Warhammer 40,000.
Perseverance and silence are the highest virtues. I was listening to To the moon and back by Savage Garden and going through some of my friends' blogs today and I thought, hey, I should reflect on some yearnings of my soul.

Hi, I am Jon, and the whole world feels cold to touch and hard to move. If you let me, I could do so much more. Just allow me to carry myself through, and work with me. I will show you how much better I can be. How can I, though? How can I achieve when you resist and purposefully hamper my progress instead of cooperating? I want to be helped.

Hi, I am Jon, and I have my own opinions about things. If you would just be more understanding and listen, I would be so much more at ease. Time and time again, you force down your own guidelines down my throat, and I am choking. I really hope you would allow me to work in my own ways. I want to be respected.

Hi, I am Jon, and I want to be someone special to you. Why do I want this? Because you are special, you are different from the rest, and if only you would accept me. When you do, I too would feel special, that I am not just another face in the crowd. I want to be special. I want to be loved.

She can't remember a time when she felt needed
If love was red then she was color blind
All her friends, well they've been trialed for treason
And crimes that were never defined
She's saying, "Love is like a barren place,
And reaching out for human faith
It's like a journey I just don't have a map for"
So baby's gonna take a dive and
Push the shift to overdrive
Send a signal that she's hanging
All her hopes on the stars
What a pleasant dream
She's sayin

I would fly up to the moon and back if you'll be...
If you'll be my baby
I've got a ticket for a world where we belong
So would you be my baby? Seeing you being probed with "Do you eat to live or do you live to eat?", I could not help but to quip that the relationship works both ways, a mutual exchange.

English Oral Preliminaries today. Real bore waiting outside the hall. We were supposed to be waiting in the Lecture Theater but the room was being used already. I decided to take a nap. Better than staring blankly into space, I guess.

The thing about people is that everyone is different. In class I am drilled to read slowly, read slowly, and read slowly. Who would have guessed that one of the comments I received was that my reading pace was too slow. Everyone contradicts each other, so who do I listen to?

Anyway, about food. Do I live to eat or eat to live. If I do not eat I would die from starvation. If I did not love my food, that would be a pity. I will treasure whatever I am given. Not everyone has at least three filling meals a day. I rejoice in whatever I am given. There are always people less fortunate than I am. I am satisfied even if I have nothing, for I still have life while others have met their end.

A man with perfect eyesight has two choices, to appreciate his surroundings or to neglect and ignore the wonders. When one day he becomes blind, his limited choices disappear. No more options, too late to change, past the time for penitence.

I made my own decision. I reap my own consequences. The Fox and the Grapes

One hot summer's day a Fox was strolling through an orchard till he came to a bunch of Grapes just ripening on a vine which had been trained over a lofty branch. "Just the thing to quench my thirst," he said. Drawing back a few paces, he took a run and
a jump, and just missed the bunch. Turning round again with a trot, he jumped up, but with no greater success. Again and again he tried after the tempting morsel, but at last had to give it up, and walked away with his nose in the air, saying: "I am sure they are sour."

It is easy to despise what you cannot get. Today was General Certificate of Education Chinese Paper Three. The listening comprehension examination was broadcast over Symphony 92.4FM on the radio.

Some devious ploy concocted to make the candidates fall asleep and doze off the light music. Thank goodness for caffeine. Time just ticks away.

Dreams are the touchstones of our character.
- Henry David Thoreau Saw a tent laid onto the pedestrian crossing near the Rochor Canal Road. A policeman was pouring bottled water into a sanguine pool. Huge crowd gathered at the pavement. Someone met with a fatal accident.

You curse everything. You never cease to complain that your life is empty. You feel that you have wasted the day away. I posed this question: What is the purpose of your life? You gave me a spontaneous answer. I guess immediate replies are also honest replies. Sure, that is what you want. I am not going to dissuade you or wrong you. Actually, I am now wondering why you want something so intangible. So tantalizing, yet unable to reach. Bouncing the question back at me, I am just content to live my life without worry.

I do not understand why people become so sad when another dies. The person kicked the bucket, is deceased, is dead. Is there really any point to gather around to grieve? Given time, matters can be forgotten and life goes back into the usual routine. When I die, I do not expect a crowd of mourners. When I am gone, I am gone! No use crying over a dead body. I would not suddenly sit up in my grave.

I am disconcerted when I see people who do not live. Do not be mistaken. We breathe, our hearts beat, we think, we feel, but do we know how to live? To live in anguish and self-torment everyday is not truly living. Less fortunate people around the globe can be happier than you or I. They know how to be alive.

I wish for simple things in life, but I know that is not what you wish for me. So the issue and contradiction comes hence. How do I make you happy when what I want for myself is not what you have decided is best for me? On my way to my celebrate my grandfather's birthday, my family was talking about Luke. He came in first in 2007 IODA Asian Optimist Championship.

Just to explain how the competition works, there are twelve races. The positions of the best ten races are considered for the final score. The cumulated score is then used for ranking. So, the lower the score, the better the results.

The matter is, my cousin, he did not come in first for any of the races. Another sailor came in first for four races, but she was not overall first. So I suddenly blurted out, lose the battle but win the war.

My dad started repeating the phrase and asserted that the quote was more apt for this situation. He went further to ask how I knew that phrase. I just picked it up, I guess.

In hindsight, I should have convinced my father that I learnt the quote from the internet. A little lie for a little more slack.

Time to grin. I know you people think I am crazy and all, running around the track.
I hope you do not think I am training, simply because I am not.
I am just trying to lose some excess fat.
That is the actual reason, honest.

Oh by the way, because running is fun too. I had a talk over your lunch and my VitaSoy. I have been thinking about what you said, about stress having advantages.

To you, stress can make you alert and aware. Stress would fill you with adrenaline and make you ready to act in the given situation. Stress keeps you focused on the urgent task to meet a deadline. Of course, you also mention how too much stress is counterproductive.

I have thought over it. My stand on this is thus, no stress is still the better option. Why should I have need to place myself into hot soup? I avoid problems and complications with my best effort. Some things like homework, I do not really have a choice. Otherwise, I live a sanguine life.

If I stress pushing me and bugging me every step of the way, I would never have peace enough to enjoy the beauty around me. In fact, I would never have a peace of mind. Every second would be another reminder of a matter needing taking care of. Every move would be under the pressure of scrutiny and criticism. Every moment would be enclosed by the rush of work. I do not want to be lost in this suffocating jail.

I am free. Without stress, I am free. Free to do as I wish and please. Free to smile, to frown, to laugh, to cry. Free to do what I want except for one condition. That my actions never affect another negatively.

What is so good about stress? To give me stress is akin to clipping my wings. I rather soar than be tied down to earth.

Your soul's like water but
Your fate is like the wind
Here is the new order
Hope shall be your guide
Praise the new order
Now let my spirit go My bed is so nice. I just want to snuggle underneath the sheets and continue to sleep. This is not to be, rise and shine, a brand new school week awaits me.

I survived today, thanks a few sweets, a gum and some jokes. After school I got changed to my half-dried PE attire and went to find some teachers with both of you. As our luck would have had it, none of them were there. What a waste. At least I had a good look of your trophy.

Mind you, this trophy is no ordinary trophy. This is Best Senior NCO Award. The cup can contain enough alcohol to make you drunk. Bottom line is, the trophy is cool.

I had a little adventure today. I went to the Fitness Corner and found you with two other friends passing a soccer ball around. Me being me, I decided to insinuate myself into your company and play some soccer. Achieving that, we played a bit till you rammed the ball over the pull-up bars. Up, up and over the fence as well.

Well good luck to us then. I went up with you in the end. Our first time in that dense vegetation. Just like in Sabah, but this time the path is much narrower and I am not wearing long pants. We found the soccer ball a little up the hill along with a deflated rugby ball. Ants were biting me. I saw one ant the size of the tip joint section of my thumb. Mind you, that is no ordinary household ant.

We emerged in the end, and my knee did not feel so good. Two laps around the track did more harm than good. I think my knee has some problem. I should see a doctor some time.

For now, I have time to burn away. As an old man walked the beach at dawn, he noticed a boy ahead of him picking up starfish and flinging them into the sea. Finally catching up with the boy, he asked why he was doing this. The answer was that the stranded starfish would die if left until the morning sun.
"But the beach goes on for miles and there are millions of starfish," said the old man. "How can your effort make any difference?"
The boy looked at the starfish in his hand and then threw it safely in the waves.
"It makes a difference to this one," he said.

Anniversary Parade is over, so marks the end of my term. I never shook the world with some great new discovery or controversial philosophy. At least, at the very least, I have made a difference to a handful of lives. That is good, that is plenty good. I have not gone to waste.

Small deeds done are better than great deeds planned. Finally over.
It is finally over.

Cheers! Chinese Oral has been concluded today.

So much for the hype. Just a touch and go. The precipitation of ten years of studying my mother tongue. I wonder if it will be the same for the other subjects.

I am questioning the need for emotions again. Emotions are just chemical reactions in my brain. A choice really, to feel what I want to feel, to shunt out what I reject. For all I know, this is only a manifestation of my fantasy. Hopes that I might transcend the woes of humanity and into tranquility.

On the same note, I should not break my back to continue a relationship. Instead, I will take on a more passive role and let friendship grow naturally. Interestingly enough, if a bush is not tended by a gardener, the plant will not grow beautifully. People tire. I tire. Maybe I cannot be bothered anymore, maybe I decided to try a different approach. I relinquish all duties as a gardener. You want something out of this, then you can pick up the garden tools and work yourself. I will help, definitely, but I will not burn myself out.

No man is an island. Everyone affects everyone else. I affect you, but now only minimally. I try my best to burrow into my own fox hole and live my own life. If you need me, this is where I will be. Inside my sanctuary.

Yes, this is my sanctuary.

If the bush runs rampant and out of control, I guess I can only shrug. There is no loss if there was nothing to gain in the first place. I leave you with the choice.

I have all I need right here, this I have to believe. Is life stressful? I miss Legion of Mary.
I have not gone for meeting or morning prayer for weeks running.
Tomorrow, maybe tomorrow, I will go for morning prayer.
Well I will see how real my conviction is anyway.

Pretty tired from the day today. Bryan asked me a while ago to go play DotA. I declined due to the fact that both my parents were behind me at the dining table discussing their adult matters. A very strong deferential influence. My parents feel that I play too much.

Been busy nowadays. Busy living life, doing things I want to do most of the time, other times I do the things I have to do. There are those times that are a mix of what I wish and what I am required of.

You know, if you rather I scram, your loss.
More about this another time.
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