There is no emotion; There is peace.

29 July 2005

Okay im blogging this on 3/8/05...
so dont blame me if its brief.. haha
i totally forgot about what happened during school. (:
but then, today the aeromodelling was cancelled.
oh well. and today got training. POP - Passing Out Parade.
i didnt have my uniform. sad.
so at the start we were in PT kit..
204 went to play LAN as usual. leave me alone ):
i really wish they can be more commited...
anyway for no good reason, we marched onto the parade square and went to push up position.
mind you... having your palms on cement in the afternoon sun is not good.
we were like... "ouch ouch" and lifting our hands up down up down from the ground to relieve the heat.. but not much good.
just because its the NCOs last training then make us get blisters... T.T
haha.
after that burning sensation
we went to the pavillion outside 210 there.. do nothing there.. stand for awhile.. waste time
then we were supposed to fall in outside the science lab.. sec1 block.
encik very shuang.. lecture us so long.. scold us... want to improve standard.. or leave a "mark" or whatever i guess.
anyway... Benson and Elson got into trouble for playing on the parade square.. "holy ground"
Benson was denying everything and making stupid remarks.. and Elson was being the good guy.. confessing and admitting up.. lol
after that went back to outside Air Room.. slack time for me.. i got no uniform what.. and Part Bs were like.. 8 people? haha so puny the flight.
i was running around helping WeiJiang take pics of POP
was damn tired...
haha
after POP quickly went to get my bag from the Air Room and left early. like 5plus.
cause of IJ Drama Night.
came back school about 1hr later. 6.30
met with Jared.. alyssa and marissa there too. (i just realised how many 'ssa's there are)
i know i saw danielle.. but i mean i couldnt be sure if it was her wad.. i mean i aint that confident or her face wad.. then get home that time she say i dao her ):
haha anyway IJ Drama Night was okay... SJI drama was nice simple and very touching.
i found IJ's play very complicated and draggy... no offence.
haha. after that went for supper with Jared and my sis and her friend at Newton.

Hello Samantha. I know you arent his BF. but Jared told me it's Ex- (:

28 July 2005

Screw this shit.

yeap like wwJ said.
i think i am having a mood swing.

Now I know why you want to hate me
Cause hate is all the world that's ever seen lately

nowonder my nick goes something like this :
Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck

But there's a heavy cloud inside my head
I feel so tired, put myself into bed

Must be the long day today.
especially maths. it was a drag. ):
sigh.
i feel so cheated.
i dunno.
maybe i need more sleep.
im going to sleep soon anyway.
but one question :
why does he always gets his way?

May my life get better.
"he departed thence by ship into a desert place apart"

Isolation is not good for me
Isolation -- I don't want to sit on a lemon tree

but then i also want my peace and quiet. Relaxation time?
I hope to be able to step out of my comfort zone.

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways

sacrifice my own wants for others.. needs?
do they need it? ):
Thats what i am wondering. is it worth the sacrifice?

I wonder how, I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue blue sky

of course i know what he would do.
oh wells.
i'll try.. i'll try..

If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change

Screw this shit.

27 July 2005

okay. today was a normal day gone weird!
i went for morning prayer. oh wow! (:
after skipping so much, more than 1 week.
heh.
maybe i can start being holy again?
yep.. so we had a lousy humanes lesson. doing structured questions we did before.
Either its a hint on the exam question, or Mr Chang has nothing better to do with us. HAHA
we getting back our history test tommorow. i really do hope i do well.
and during chinese, our teacher was bitching around. scolded us for so long cause some of my classmates never pass up their work. (they left school early cause they got band and so they never do, except Brent who brought home to do)
yep. then scold here scold there.. waste time only.
did my chinese oral during recess. i swear i screwed up bad. haha
oh wells. what to do? Chinese... ...
other than that i was walking around during recess. how fun can that be?
unproductive.
and i actually did prefect duty! thats good (:
after that was Computer Awareness. darn. i didnt bring my file. thats sad. so i borrowed from hansel. luckily.. LUCKILY! rosy goh never do file check.
"MyFirstProgram" was missing.. i had to redo it.. cause i also screwed up the program abit. tsk.
maths. maths was shit. i didnt do the graphs. sigh. i play too much? maybe. more like i couldnt be bothered.
Deepankar was being rude to her. i think deepankar has no more patience for her already. and then also another case when she accused KK that she say him going to play LAN.. daniel quickly go ask her when, what day, where... blah blah.. she was so embarassed. nicholas says that if she was angry she would have given him a slap.. i agree.
Art. Art has become a screwed up twisted piece of shit.
photoshop is nice.. yea.. but art is art, i dont appretiate electronic art.
I WANT TO DRAWWWWWWW!!!!!
sigh...
science.. was bull shit.
chem is hard. i admit. and so i will have to study hard for it.
stayed back after awhile to finish up my maths.. cause teacher threatened to make us stand outside of class if we never hand up on time.

OKAY! THATS THE NORMAL PART OF TODAY!

then begins the weird part.
first a maid tells me a girl called me at about 2 (my girlfriend is it?), when i got home.
so i checked the number.. and called back.
*ring ring... Ring ring...*
and then her voice is scary.. screechy... not sexy. haha. dots.
sorry, trying out alliteration.
yea anyway she was crazy. she claimed to be my secret admirer.. and then her voice grew harder to bear when i said i dunno who she is.
i mean like.. if she's a secret admirer? HOW IN THE WORLD AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO SHE IS?
yea anyway she claimed to be the girl i saw at orchard last week, the one i winked at. the problem is... i never went orchard for quite awhile, and while would i wink at anyone?
so i told her, i didnt see any pretty girls... then her voice.. X/ lol
"anyway i never go orchard last week, i live in newton and then after school i go straight home to play computer"
"NO I MEANT NEAR ORCHARD! AT NEWTON!"
-.-"
"right...."
"WHAT??"
yea stuff like that.. so then she will hang up cause i dont know who she is..
and then i went to eat my lunch.. about 15min later i try calling her and she doesnt pick up.
so i sms-ed lor. then she asked me to call her at 2.45.
problem : it was past 2.45
so i was going to sms her something lame.. like "either your clock is slow or my clocksss ARE fast. or maybe u want me to call u A.M. not P.M.?"
but then she sms again 3.15. haha
call at 3.15, she still reject.. dots.
so i called at 3.20. she answers. and cause i still dont know who she is, she hangs up. um.. what in the world?
okay so i give up calling her.
sms her : "who are you? give clue? cause i have no idea"
she gives crap to me la..
later genevieve calls me.. and yea i wanted to wish her happy birthday! i SWEAR! but i mean im in the living room.. dad was around ): haha
okay anyway right i find out that the wierd girl is her friend. but gen cant tell me who she is cause the girl threatened to kill gen if she told.
err... right. thats corny la.
okay.. thus passes an uneventful afternoon, other than owning my bro at Dota?
he use stealth assassin.. i use nerubian weaver. i push 3 towers he still havent hit 1 down... we playing 1st tower rule.. he is a sore loser. his attitude sucks.
I wonder if anyone is reading this, but i hate my brother. he is too proud. he doesnt accept things that dont go with his way of thinking. if only he learns to be humble. he also values avarice. he toils and counts the cost. he does things for the reward at the end. the acclaim, the acheivement. if only he can sacrifice things he wants. but i guess that day will be a far day away.
later after dinner. this weirdo adds my on skype. he says he is from china.
"hello"
"who are you?"
"a new friend of yours"
"Age Sex Location?"
"19 male peking"
"where is peking?"
"China"
"oh.. male singapore"
then he says he wants to learn how to speak english better. and seriously.. his voice sounds computer generated.
neither does Jacob Tyler sound like a chinese name.. he says he wants to learn the singapore accent. he doesnt know what generated means. its all damn weird about him la.
in the end i said bye... and got his msn.
he added me. okay so now we are on msn.
GREAT. he has a webcam.
he accepts. but he refuses to show his face.
he says its not fair cause i never spoke to him on the mike during skype and also he never saw my face.
right. he is getting me more and more suspicious... after awhile of trying to unsucessfully convince him to show his face, i had to go off to bathe and do hw..
Talk about a weird day. WEIRD.
*shivers*

so many things are happening. when will it stop?

24 July 2005

The day has come to an end
The sun is over my head
My polyamorous friend
got me in a mess of trouble again

so
Just when you think that you're all right
I'm crawlin out from the inside
I never hurt anyone
I never listen at all

They've come to get me again
The cloud is over my head
My polyamorous friend
Got me in a mess of trouble again

so
Just when you think that you're all right
I'm crawlin out from the inside
I never hurt anyone
I never listen at all
just stay away from the white light
I'd say your worst side's your best side
I never hurt anyone
I never listen at all-

well how do you know?
well how do you know?
well how do you know?
well how do you know?

Just when you think that you're all right
I'm crawlin out from the inside
I never hurt anyone
I never listen at all
Just stay away from the white light
I'd say your worst side's your best side
I never hurt anyone
I never listen at all

Let's go

~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had a good rest in the afternoon.. mm hmm.
now, more than ever, i feel Cat class is a waste of time.
i don't learn anything.
i don't achieve anything.
i don't construct anything.
but i still go anyway.

How do I depict the fragility of Humans in words?

22 July 2005

sometimes, i get reminded of God's presence. like during science practical.. i was saved. 20seconds. this has to be a miracle la.
and how i always escape a teacher's wrath? Some1 up there must like me.

anyway, besides that, today had AP rehearsal.
supposed to be 2 half-U rehearsals and 1 full uniform.
in the end all 3 were half-U cause not enough time to change.
It was SOOOOO tiring.
i was even considering slacking out the 2nd... and even more the 3rd
kwok and edgar slacked out the 3rd 1.

I cant pretend that im not disappointed.
I didnt get best cadet this year. Eugene got it.
I cant pretend im not jealous.
I wanted the award this year. Eugene got it.

But he deserves it.
All i can aim for is a best cadet next year.
That would mean CSM.

That would mean CSM

19 July 2005

today got alot of crap la... so now it is 9.14pm and i need to go and do my homework.
sigh.
time to go do work!
Dinner was great - celebrated white-hair GongGong's bdae X)
very full.
very tired.
ready to sleep.
but still have homework.
hello homework.
i am going to do "you"..
dots
haha okay byebye

17 July 2005

Right now, i am listening to "By the Stream" from the CD that we all got from Mr Ang during the retreat... i finally realised how nice it sounded.. haha :/

feeling so much more at peace when i listen to it :)

well... it has been a very long weekend. sigh. life is almost always so full of things, it never gets empty.. one after another.

Friday... i had school... of course.. info thinking.. supposed to hand in survey, but never, so had to go and hand up to her by end of recess.. other than that her lesson was boring. english.. i can remember what happened.. haha.. i am getting forgetful ):
so for recess i went to do the survey.. just the editing... sigh my group is hopeless.. i have to do everything myself.
maths? maths was stupid. like everytime. ms richards was doing alot of admin.. yeap.
science? we had practical. it was okay.
lit? i cant remember either.. is it just me? or does it have something to do with Mrs Jey's lessons?
PSE? nah. there was no PSE.. Sec 4 had listening comprehension. so we didnt get to have that..
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Disclaimer: Okay from here, its wholesale copying from Eugene
(we did almost the same stuff la.. so its okay, maybe i'll add in my own stuff)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
---------------------------------------
(yep.. i did all these)
Whoo Whee Back From Retreat At St Pats
Ended Off Wif Visit To Carmelite Monastery
Eh YCS? where are ur ppl? Onli 3?
Legion dominates once again
Mount Carmel Loves SJI
----------------------------------------
(yea.. alot of business)
Retreat at St Pats
Where ever Legion goes,
The place makes money
30 vultures ordering food
eg. chicken rice stall, mcdonalds, Parkway, 7-11...
We Rawk St Pats
They stole our chair
we found a bench wif "SJI, Ora Et Labora"
It was printed on... not vandalised
----------------------------------------
(i slept on the mattress during the night and on the other couch in the morning)
In the place
so nice
toilets were built in world war 2
St. Pats band is crazy
practice till late at night
slept on the couch... so nice
didnt wanna wake up
so comfortable
st pats band doing drills"SEDIA!"
i'm awakened
----------------------------------------
(i didnt play soccer, i was playing bridge)
Bathing in the toilet
lets not talk bout it ya?
Played soccer at the SPS scout's stuff
we didnt break them
if they not there anymore don look for SJI pls
----------------------------------------
(i ordered filet meal and ice cream too)
Dinner at siglap centre macs
They earn money leh
I ordered ice cream for dinner
YUM YUM
Yup... serious ice cream for dinner
We all shouted thank u to the macs crew
I asked where's the bell to ring
Manager stare at me
Tot i was serious
----------------------------------------
(i love the couch too. i could hardly drag myself out)
Slept on the couch
loving it
love life
whee
bathe again in the morn
World War 2 toilet
----------------------------------------
(ditto this. i love glucose powder)
Chilling
Sing songs... hehehe"this is chapter 1, the story juz begun"
noe the rest
and the M*** song
deep deep deep deep deep
ate glucose
ATE
i put spoonfuls of glucose powder in my mouth
After tt feel high
too much energy
----------------------------------------
(1 problem. i didnt go for dinner. i went for tuition instead. this is my life)
left go parkway
den go skool
go carmel
go toa payoh
dinnerbuffing my nails wif edwin's buffer
wow they're so shiny now la
so gay but who cares
seriously shines mani'm gonna buy one
----------------------------------------
(This is eugene blogging about AP rehearsal.. he is Best Cadet this year)
SJI Air Supporting Contingent...
Those who need gloves pls inform me
i'll buy for the contingent
but duh u must pay me larh
think wad... i charity ar
SJI Air Part Bs
Those In Supporting Con
Gimme Ur Names
Onli 15 guys will march
So Far 6 places are confirmed
9 left
hurry tell me ur names den
make sure u go for rehearsals
----------------------------------------
Eugene.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
End of copy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i had cat class this morning which i find useless.. and during NCC Day Parade i was doing my homework. so basically, my whole weekend was eaten up. sighh..

"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII wont worry my life away"

11 July 2005

Well... today i overslept abit.. emily and yulica were sort of waiting for me.. haha =P
went to school and touched up my english file..
was like 3 minutes late for morning prayer... hmm tmr is tuesday, maybe i can lead? (: but must be earlier so can prepare. hahas
lit and english were used for medical checkup. how nice. at least this time they never check sensitive areas X)
check backbone.. my backbone curved by 2-3 degrees... i dun understand how they measure la.. i think the instrument not reliable one.. =P
last 10 minutes b4 recess we read this lame and unpredictable "pink bow tie" story, Mrs Jey also check english file.. haha kenneth kum and dennis never bring again... parents msut sign diary.. awww
during recess was with gabriel and wesley and other "guai" ppl... playing with lighters..
John is a culprit. bring lighters to school to sell for profit. make flamethrower sommore. modify them.. hehe wesley dunno how to modify lighter.. but john go teach him T.T
after "recess" - i call that slack period cause i never leave class (skipped duty) - we went for PE, which was stupid cause we were walking the 3 rounds not running.. not that teacher gave a hoot. yep. instead of playing rugby we played soccer. LMAO.
it was fun. then we had science.. cant remember what i did.. haha, PHEW, for chinese i went to LT1... national survey thingy.
took up the whole period. haha, it was interesting.. the survey. yep. Mr Ang was also very, very, very fierce.. eeps. haha, luckily i never get into trouble (:
anyway for PSE had resilience training.. dont blame me for dozing.. even teachers were sleeping! lol the only time i was TOTALLY awake was during the video.. damn LOUD!.. then very soft.. THEN VERY LOUD! then soft again.. yea... lol even teachers got a shock loh.
it was some cable problem.. which wasnt fixed anyway.. haha. went back to class.. and did some excersize for the B-C connection.. yep.
went home and had tuition.. what a busy monday.
now i know why i have monday blues. cause i become busy!

09 July 2005

today i slept in.. wow. long time never done that. life is good.
life gets even better. i manage to play the computer the whole afternoon until evning.
life is really good to me. i bathe and get ready to go to school!
not that, that is a bad thing..
i am going for renaissance XV.
yeap. went with sisters and cousins. and sister's friend. i was the only guy in the car
how nice (:
i sat with my legion friends though, with jared at my side.
the concert was... nice.
it ended too soon.
it is brother michael's fault.
but it was fun, and funny.
i like the old boys as MC.
pixiang and the other guy werent corny enough.
unlike the old boys - "we always save the best for last, and we, of course, are the best!"
that really made the crowd laugh.
after renaissance we went to newton to dao bao some food home.
i pang seh-ed Chaipoh, Ping, Donkey.. and xue yu?
yep. life is smooth.
iggy was staying overnight. yes!
played with him dota until we had to sleep.
this is a good day for me.

07 July 2005

Highlight of Today:
AP Rehearsal.
stood there. stamped there. marched there.
tiring, as all AP rehearsals should be.
enriching and disciplining, as all AP rehearsals should be.

sigh. screw this. everything is threaded up. its not wholesome.
its bits and pieces.
But i still tread on this.
and i tread softly.

But where will this road lead me?
Full of stops and full of forks.
Where can I find safety?
Death take me by force.

These roads are cracked.
Bent and crooked.
No peace until I have crashed.
But now, pain, I have brooked.

There is a ditch,
I must jump.
I fall, I get stitched.
Never cares about the stumps.

After all, I will find rest.
This life is transient.
All the acclaim or mess,
will not be important.

Then there will only be God.

hey. i wrote that myself! how cool (:

05 July 2005

okay today got 2nd talk by bryan shen. this is just a draft form thing la.. tmr i will go to QOAS msn Groups and go kope all the reflections. i'll add my own there

02 July 2005

okay...
Fine.
Lets let you run my life.
Lets let you be responsible.
If life is good, You will be responsible.
If life screws up, You will be responsible.

I will just follow like a dog.
no i wont think-twice, no i wont complain.
I will just follow like a dog.

Maybe you will be happier that way.

Happy day.

01 July 2005

STUPID.
STUPID.
STUPID.
STUPID.
STUPID.
I HOPE YOU READ THIS.
THEN MAYBE YOU CAN TALK ABOUT IT TOO.
YOU ARENT RIGHT.
STOP SCOLDING CAUSE U ARE IN A BAD MOOD.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT IS EVIL?

Evil is something that is very deceptively attractive. It seduces us through very subtle ways that we are not aware of. True evil is actually the state when we believe the wrong we do is correct or is an act that we disguise with 'goodness'.

BLEAH.
STUPID.
STUPID.
STUPID.
STUPID.
STUPID.

maybe i am evil. who knows.

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