maybe im thinking too much but..
i dont think i want to think about it.

Baby Ham Ham

Anyone who wants baby hamsters ?
I am looking for people who are looking for hamsters
Cheap Cheap.
Email me ya?

I AM LAZY

It says on the top.
I am lazy to practically do anything that is almost productive other then working for money and converting oxygen to carbon dioxide and some methane.

Its called post Polytechnic syndrome, its a scientific term for selective laziness to do anything nice.
Okok. Practically i just lost my reasons to do things here and there. Hopefully i can see the light before i go to NS. Oh yes, I will earn government constant spending on our waste of time.

Anyway, i have lotsa unfinished business to complete. I hope i can get it done by end of this month. I hope. Press on Photo IG workshops and photography classes, Website (which anthea kept bugging me about (co-incidentally i left the folder in my my dust D drive to be reborn, so to speak). Paiseh hor). I prefer to keep my humor in this kind of things. Since i see a worthy president taking up the new post, i will press on for the revamp of the pathetic website of green i created. ZJ! Help me design. I code.

For this year, we come up with resolution to keep ourself sane with aims and achivements that this crap of a country lives for. Mine will be, "I resolve myself to not have a new years' resolution". For practical reasons. I will leave it at that.

Ok, my license is almost done. I can smell my new bike. (Takes a deep breath!) Ahhhh...! That reminds me, my pics is up at the issue 14 of MCA magazine. Do take a look. It includes pictures from my guys in my upcoming company.

To end things off, i need to remind myself of the things to do before end of Jan: (so that i wont be murdered.)
1. Redo this blog
2. Redo photo ig website
3. Register the company
4. Setup a webportal
5. Repair all my camera systems
6. Finish 2B
7. Register class 3
8. Capture the most beautiful picture.
9. Update my multiply
10. Have a critq session of 11 squares. ( i need the harsh critq)
11. And not talk too much. (hahah! I am quite serious here.) (Dun laugh)

Ok. I need sleep. My upcoming scheme is rolling in my head. Tmr i have some attacks to do.

BlogShop

Ladies & Gentlemen! Boys & Girls! Handsome & Pretty!

Have a look at my GF's blogshop!!!
There's lots of interesting things in there! Lots of Preorders coming up!

go take a look @
http://theaa-shop.blogspot.com

I have been and I am hoping.

I have been feeling down lately.
I hope i will feel better after the event.
I hope.

She says I am not doing the nice things i used to do.
I may have been numb with my last error in judgment.
But i have always treated they way i had treated her.
I will treat her with all the goodies once more.

I need to hope and think.

I am Hafiz Bin Hasnol

Hi, I am Hafiz Bin Hasnol.
A guy in love with a girl name Anthea Ng.
I realize that i am not being myself to all my friends, family and also to her.
I was not fair to anyone, including myself.
Having only fear taking over me.
It time for me to step up.
And listen to her heart and what she murmur in her sleep.

Find myself. Look forward. Dive into love in full with nonyieldingness.

This is the song that describes my move forward.
I have faith that you will hold my hand and walk together with me.

UVERworld!!

"Love is too heavy" that we refuse to understand it,
before it turns into hatred...

Isn't everything like that?
Always trying to cover up awkward situations, that is the true colours of a hypocrite.
In this distorted dilemma period,
even the two who have made a promise, passed by each other without realising it.

Hurting each other and giving up
in trying to understand one another
Is this our fate?
Even though I can't accept it and tried to move forward,
I still can't escape from the image of falling.

Ah, no matter how many times I will definitely find them -
your eyes and the warmth of your hands.

Isn't everything like that?
Always trying to cover up awkward situations, that is the true colours of a hypocrite.
In this distorted dilemma period,
even the two who have made a promise, passed by each other without realising it.

This town that will not change even if I disappear,
doesn't need my help right?
Everyone disguises themselves as honest fellows.
Yet when the crystal is about to break,

Ah anyone will keep telling lies.

"Love only hurts me every time" ... you muttered.
You have cried because you were afraid to believe, right?
Understand your weakness and become stronger. Don't be afraid to believe,
you will then be able to understand true love before it turned into hatred.

The things that we yearn for;
even if we do not put our hearts into it we can still achieve it - our world is not like that.
The days that has no meaning that I can't stand looking;
greediness resided and are reflected in these tired eyes.

There are lies that might heal our hearts,
but aren't the ones that dispossess our hearts lies too?

"Even if I approach love, I will only get bitten" ... I muttered.
I have once lived without believing in anything.
Even if I am immersed in despair, with this overwhelming desire,
I want to cling on to my transient life.

The things that we yearn for;
even if we do not put our hearts into it we can still achieve it - they are not like that.

The love that we lost in this town,
if we can find the meaning behind it,
we might be able to grow stronger slightly and move forward.

*Direct translation from Japanese.

Until then, hold on to faith.
I love you with all my heart my dearest, Baby dear.

Fizzco

I am an asshole.

Like crap from an ass.
Well that is how i felt today.
Stressed. Overwork. Underpaid.

I practically lost my own mind and did the same shitty things to my dearest again.
We got into another argument. And i will not disclose what actually happen.
I feel like crap now.
I do not feel happy (fucking obviously).

I rather take my motorcycle license and make it my death bed if i ever do that again.
Reason i put it here in my blog is to remember what i set out to do.
And i have to see it though. Stop this nonsense that i have been trashing out.
And fucking sort myself out before i break anymore feelings.

I suck and i want to die.

Why am i like this? I am loosing my sanity.

Down with the useless club.

Tsk. Useless.
Everything last minute and then expect a lot from Us.
We can barely move our MC and they still disrespect that we cannot be mobilize quickly enough due to our part-time jobs and other commitments.

To helicon,
Helicon is suppose to be a Side show.
Not a managing committee.
Why not?
Because you do not even respect the IGs.
Ask yourselves why Write, Speak, Photo and Cheer are unhappy with you buttheads.
Tsk.
The Day when you look at IGs that make up Helicon with respect needed and not just a source of resource, they will respond to you accordingly.
Without US, there is no Helicon.
Please Remember, we make up Helicon. And We are NOT below helicon.

Wake up la.


PS* I sound like the old LKY who still earns money warming up a useless sit. Which btw, i really do not like. That includes his always smiling son.

Super irritated

Somehow i am frustrated over a lot of things.
A number of people's mood is totally not in sync.

I do not want to give up this given opportunity.
And, does anyone care to save him?
And, does anyone want to listen to what i want?


If no.. the world is a good place to get lost in all over again.

I doubt anyone reads my blog anymore and has become my last saying spot.
So ya, if anyone chance on this blog.
Better look into the person who is next to you and really ask,
"Are you ok? Do you need to say anything that is hurting you?"

These little pieces of thoughtfulness will allow a person to recover.
Believe me. But, i just lost the believe in myself because no one believe in me anymore.

Emotional

I am being very emotional.
I need someone to really talk to
Anyone?
I got so many things to say

I get super worked up with little things
I get moody with the slightest change
I am not myself
I want to go to east coast and sit under the stars
who wants to go with me?

Mental toughness

First and foremost, i will not apologize for not writing in this blog for like.... 2 months.... lazy la.

Few updates, M1 is chasing me. I hate them.
For those who do not know, i am still working out a new company.
So if i don't turn up for any friends union or soccer.. i am stressing myself to get this up..
For those who thinks i am unstable mentally.. I am.
I want to play soccer.. Badly..
I want to have undisturbed 36hr sleep.

I will update more later...
Pictures included...
My significant other said im to se-te-ressed.. okok nites

My ass hurts

Oh yes, i havent been able to update for a few weeks? days? Blah. I don't really care. I shall do the most noble thing now... which is to update.. Har har har.

First and for most i would like to say this to a particular person. Its a HE btw.
Please dont do what you are doing now.
She is stressed up. She does not need more stress.
Please.

Okay. Now on with the big things:
I signed up for F1 with singtel! HAha! I meant the F1 simulator.


Thats me in the car btw. FYI, it hurts when u crash the car and its super sensitive. I bet my BG4 RX7 don't scream that much nor skid on straights this much. Its scary. I got the hang of it and i got the fastest through the road show! Dear said that there is a lot of people looking at me drive. (partially because i dare to drive at full speed into corners (of course with braking and turning at the apex)). My body hurts after that. It hurts more when i tried at Wisma. That machine was has a higher percentage of feedback.

The next 'big' thing.
After getting my head smashed in the F1 simulator, i bought a new phone! SGH-i450. And its cherry red. O.M.G la. Here it is. I have successfully moved on to Samsung from Sony Ericsson. Convinced by my dear rather easily due to the color (i wanted to make her jealous actually because she loves RED). However, it freaking backfired. Here it is.


Me and my idiotic face and the phone.

Shall update more later in the evening.

scary quiz

My dear gave me a very accurate quiz to do. Its accuracy is deadly scary. SO ya. Take it at your own risk. HAHAHH!
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Try again | Give me more

Wah lao

Eh ppl.
TAG LA! Hard issit?

I am lazy

Oh yes, as the tittle says. I am lazy.
Well actually not that lazy, i just didn't have the chance to actually get to sit and write.

From where i left off, i went to a holiday, i covered events and i am no longer tired.

Alright, i am now watching Euro08! I have been watching for a few days now with my Miss.GF.
I very much prefer the Spain Vs Russia game. It was indeed a very heated match between both teams.

In the end, i am really spending 2 weeks off days which i took to rest really well. I get to go out and spend late nights with my dear. Relaxing i am. Be happy i shall.

Oh yes, a personal message to my dear:
Dear,
I love you and indeed i will be true to you and us.
I do have my insecurities and will overcome them as our days together pass.
I hope that we get to settle our wondering emotions down.
And i hope that i can make amends to my flaws and not let it pull us down.
Loves,
MrBF

Oh, and lastly. Guys, at least tag me so i will at least know who visits my blog. TAG!!!!! its not that hard...

Busy Busy week

And i do mean busy.
I was shifting house and working at the same time. It does seem that i am actually losing more and more energy as i go along. Well, that is a fairly obvious logical explaination as to why i am lethargic and look awfully ghastly. So yes, i need a vacation.

What have i done this past few weeks:

10th May 2008
My thoughts
i am actually appointed to be the Photo.IG mentor.
It was my initial idea to rebuild the photo ig as a whole together with my dear.
Professionally, me and Anthea believed that we need really enthusiastic able bodied people who loves photography to play along and get selected to be the body of the ig.

I love photography as well as the people that is in the Photo.Ig. I was rather inactive in the ig and had not taken any real interest in leading the ig. Now, i have a good reason to step in as the Mentor.

It was disappointing that the MC hand picked by the old birds fail our expectation, i would forgive them either way as they were hastily hand picked by us.
Some misunderstanding came after as Anthea was also hastily put into the president seat with the task to rebuild the IG. She was called names soon after and even more misunderstanding pops up. I am not covering up. I love her for her integrity as a person and as a friend to others. I dare not explore further.

On with the story, we went to the canon EXpose seminar. I was fucking irritated by that because i really do not like how canon make their products. They are like cheap toys.
Anyway, there is this damn interesting speaker which his name i forgot, talks about reviewing and photographing cars! I like. Very interesting despite the fact that i dozed of a dozen times. (And my dear took a picture of me red handed while laughing and giggling to herself). I had a small chat with him and it was a really nice converstation.

After which, we went to the airport! Took lotsa pictures and of course it will be uploaded soon. If i can get my PC online and that i can get the pictures uploaded.

-End-


This is now about me and my dear.
We've been meeting each other like almost everyday and i dare say that i want to see her even more.
She has been the source of support and my strength to really mature myself into a better person for her. I take care and love her. My last wish for this entire love of mine is that i would live on my own believe that i will never let her go no matter what happens. In a relationship, i would promise myself and place all faith and trust into any love i have in my life. Includes my Exes who failed to see my purest intent.
However, i dare say that i will not be disappointing myself this time as i have finally found someone who will love me and accepting my love for her.
This is my pledge in my blog and in my heart and without any fear. If anything happens to this relationship and i will never get to keep hold of this one purest and true love, i will never forgive myself for giving myself another chance and not earning it, i will never want to look for another person as i am tired to grow trusting bond, love and faith to this country's women.
So yes, once i love someone, i will never let go. Those who knows me, knows this very well.

A night at ECP and a day at Formula Drift

In actually fact, says the title, i went to ECP at night and that i spent an entire day at Formula drift. Lets start from the top shall we?

ECP

Actually, i was at starhub and was busy doing some payments the most fu*ked up cable and internet company there is in Singapore. And sometimes i think that paying up for their services is a sin because it sucks really bad. Anyway, i went down to Dhoby G to pick dear up (in a rush). Reasons for this will not be explained here. To be put simply, i was worried if anyone around there would do something bad. (Its just me being paranoid and worrying a lot).

After we met, we got ourselves dinner and ate under the stars. It was the first time i ever did see a star filled sky in Singapore. i repeat, FIRST! After dinner, we went to a more quieter place to gaze at the stars. Indeed, thats where i almost broke down again and again bearing my soul to her. It was the first as i had ever said everything about what i feel so openly. And i meant everything i said. and tralalalala.

Formula Drift

I am getting lazy to write here. i'll give you a low down, i love cars and that is all to it. I see cars, my camera cant resist the temptation.

letting gas out.

This is the first time that i have been reacting slow and like as if i had a big rock stuck to my head. The reasons being that i am still trying to believe that i am moving out of my ROOM! and that there is way too many things keep happening at the same time. Namely, the loss of my job (IT helpdesk), renting out the house (and lossing my most favourite place to rest which is my room), running out of money (because i lost my freaking job) and the last but not least regaining my confidence in myself to carry on loving the person i love the most (my dear of course).

It seems that i need time at the beach sorting what needs to be sorted and get my head settled into my current time frame. It seems that i have left my brain somewhere after the 2 week ordeal at IT helpdesk that killed most of my brain cells. So much so that i decided to leave it there.

I think that because of my old relationship, i kind of suffered in terms of the ability to trust. I shroud myself in doubt and tend to not believe what any body says. I do not care about my pride being damaged. But i care about my level of confidence in trusting someone. There is a few incidents where certain some of my opinions (that was rather private) was shared willingly by another party which knew. (For those who don't understand, it means someone said something that i told as my personal secret or opinion to a friend who in turn purposefully or accidently spilled it out. If it wasn't for dear, i would have kept it all in my heart and u should see me dead on the floor due to too much preasure. I sure need to thank my dear for that else i would be really depressed if she hasnt sat down and hear me out. Indeed she is the person who i trust the most together with a few of my friends.

Learning to trust again is such a daunting task which i need to complete if not i will be a very doubtful person and could fall into depression as i tend to think to much and not let it out. So if you were to say something and i will be keeping quiet. Means i could be hurt or just letting my head wonder around.

This is a long post which is full of crap. i got too much things in my head and i need the beach to clear my head. Else i will be talking uther rubbish as seen above.

My last day at IT helpdesk

Oh right, i was told that i will be employed until NS at this location. However, it doesn't seem to be that way. Its says it all, my title that is. Today is officially my last day working at the IT help desk. Interestingly, i feel really irritated to the fact that i am losing a job which i love a lot. Even if the job is stressful, it was really fun working here because i get to see my dear every single school day. I get to eat lunch and breakfast with her too. *Sigh.

With all that said. I am going back to Sony Style to work. But i am going to work 4 days a week. Will write more soon. Need to nap at my work bench.

Another Entry after being away

Ah.. I have been away from this Blog for so long until my dear ask me to revamp and restart writing a blog. Which i must say a rather bothersome job especially when i need to get rid of the rust and re-tune my habits to actually get back into swing.

Oh yes, i broke up with dear old Hannah. Who apparently thinks that the relationship was not moving. It was her not moving at all when i made all the impossible possible and what can't be done, done. So yea, i do not want to think deeper and i would like to wish her all the best and may she find her happiness someday.

On another note, i fell in love with Anthea all over again when i took her out on my mini photo outings. Many facts will remain hidden until the time comes but i have found a person who can actually makes me blush over and over again (and no i am not a wuss). She found out about my true feelings which i was hiding for a long time. A long story short, we ended falling for each other.

Another tone of the day, i am working at IT helpdesk. The hell pits of RP when the whole school have to potential to seek you out for troubleshooting (which is where i am stuck at) and knock you socks off with the weird troubles that you thought could never happen on a laptop. The amount of stress to solve each and every case is excruciatingly painful and IRRITATING. Especially vista operated systems, they tend to be bitches sometimes.

Oh well, i shall go and catch up with my sleep which has made me forgetful since the start of the week. Scary. To sum all this years i am missing out on updating up and for those who skips lines, i broke up with my girlfriend of 3 coming to 4 years, worked at the worst place every imagined (IT helpdesk) and got together with a lovely girl who loves to smile.

Me out..