The Look

You know that look people give you when something 

traumatic in your life has happened?

For example: death, divorce, health scare, etc.

You know:

The head tilt 

then

The Voice:

"How are you DOING?"

*With an emphasis on the word doing.

Pregnant women get it too, just a slight variation:

"How are you FEELING?" 

*Don't forget the head tilt.* 

I've been the giver and the receiver of 

The Look.

Here's why I think we do this awful thing:

We don't know what to say.

We don't know how to act. 

We don't know how to treat the person who just got divorced.

We don't know what to say to someone 

who has just lost a loved one.

We don't know what to say to the Cancer patient.

And there is really nothing to say to the 9 month pregnant woman but:

"Hey, I know it sucks. Sorry you feel ginormous."

So instead of acting natural, we are awkward.

 It's not that we don't care!

 We want to say something but we don't know what.

In my case, people didn't want to talk about it.

No one ever wanted to say the "D" word.

Even now if I mention my Ex, 

people get weird and assume I hate him.

I don't, so relax.

Now don't worry,

 I have a solution:

Knock it off.

Don't be weird.

If someone is experiencing a trial,

 everything they knew as

"normal" 

is forever gone.

The last thing they need is for you not to be normal.

In my case, crazy is normal. 

So if I'm ever acting "normal," you should be worried.

So tilt your head and ask me:

"How are you doing?" 

Then prepare to be slapped.

 

 

 

 

Naked.

 

 

Naked: [ney-kid] adj. without covering,

 exposed, open, unconcealed, unprotected,

 vulnerable.

 

I host dinner parties with my single friends

and in order to get everyone's attention, I call them:

"Naked Parties."

 

This has caused quite a stir in the LDS singles world.

I had no idea when I titled my first event that people would be talking about them, wondering if we actually get naked.

 

In the spirit of nakedness, I have decided to write

A naked post.

Raw.  Uncut.  Honest.

 

I was married for 13 years. 

My husband was selfish from the beginning.

I honestly didn't know how bad it was until I got out.

 

We had no communication.

I couldn't even talk to him about daily life.

He didn't care.

He was emotionally unavailable.

 

Eventually I found happiness doing other things.

 

I gave most of my attention to my kids,

my calling, my friends and my hobbies.

 

Shortly after my little Avrie was born,

I experienced the mother of all trials.

(I won't share it here because it's not mine to tell)

 

I will never forget the feelings of

inadequecy and worthlessness that followed.

 

I decided I was going to do what it took

to keep my marriage together and make it work.

I believe that the power of the atonement is all encompassing

and through the atonement, I could get through this.

 

This was a great experience for me as an individual.

But when it came to our marriage relationship

it didn't matter.

When only one person is rowing the boat,

you just go in circles.

 

After years of trying to save my marriage

my Heavenly Father said it was enough.

I gave it my all.  I could move forward.

 

That was my life.  

I painted a pretty picture for everyone to see

 but it wasn't real.

People see what we want them see.

 

This is not a roast.

This is my naked post.

Open.

Without covering.

Vulnerable.

 

These are my life experiences.

We each have attributes inside of us that

are the core of who we are.

Our core and life experiences combined 

shape us into what we become.

This is how I became who I am today.

 

I am strong.

I am forgiving.

I am patient.

I am loving.

I am compassionate.

I am understanding.

I am happy.

☺

 

And I am still becoming these things.

 



I'm the Map, I'm the Map, I'm the Map, I'm the Map, I'm the MAAAP!

When you purchase anything, it comes with instructions.

Some things should not require instructions.

Shampoo, body wash, Pop Tart's, Pickles.

"Refrigerate upon opening."

 

Some things SHOULD come with instructions.

Children, My droid, Stupid people.

 

 

All my life I have been given specific instruction on what

I should and should not be doing.

 

Get baptized at age 8.

Go to Young Women at age 12.

Mutual once a week.

Personal Progress.

Don't date til you're 16.

Keep yourself morally clean.

Don't date just one person til after the mission.

Graduate High School.

Graduate Seminary.

Continue education.

Get married in the Temple.

Live Happily Ever After.

 

 You get the jist. 
However, there is NO instruction on what to do
when you find yourself a

Divorced Single Mom.

There is no one rule on
 how long you should wait to date after the divorce,
how you should go about meeting someone,
how long to wait before you introduce your kids,
or how long to date before getting married.
You get nothing, sucker.

But here is why I think this is the case.
Every situation is different.
Each individual is on a different level.
There is no right or wrong way to go about it.
Only the Lord knows who we are and what we need to learn.

I have taken it upon myself to jot down some instructions that I wish I had at the beginning:

Do your best.  It is enough.
You are going to make mistakes, you are going to fall short.
And that's okay.
Try again tomorrow.

And when it comes to the questions of
when to start dating, introduce kids and possible marriage? 
Do what YOU feel is right for you.
It's okay to ask advice and receive counsel,
but ultimately it's between you and the Lord.
There is no one answer for everyone.

I find myself in unfamiliar territory with no map.
I am totally winging it. 
I've made my fair share of mistakes and I plan on making more.
But one thing is for damn certain:
I will NEVER give up.

Do you know how much the Lord loves you?
I do.
It's a lot.
♥

Carry on Troops.
You're doing just fine.

 

Mom, are we having cold cereal again?

Have you ever tasted the cereal "Life?"

It sucks.

The flavor is just plain nasty and it gets soggy fast.

I even sprinkled sugar on it but to no avail.

It still sucks.

Ironic?  I think not.
Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes it's soggy. 
And sometimes it seriously lacks flavor.

My box of life is called "Mom."

Amount per serving: 4

Total Fat: It depends. I fluctuate every month.
(And if you think I'm gonna post my weight here, you're straight up crazy.)

Daily Value: Breakfast. Clean up. Grooming. Clean up. Laundry. Work out. Feed the dog. Scriptures. Shower.
 Hair & make-up. Clean up. Errands. Budget. Yard work.  
Baseball. Service the car. Mutual. Activity days.  Pray.
Kids do your chores. Stop complaining. Lunch.
 Clean up. Can I invite a friend over? Writing job.
Pack kids for weekend with their Dad. More laundry.
More dishes. Take kids to the movie. Visiting Teaching. Grocery shopping. Facebook. Dinner: cold cereal, again. 
Why isn't the computer working? Birthday parties. 
Stop Screaming, Avrie. Go to the Zoo. Toilets. 
Vacuum. Sweep & mop. Clean up. Camping. 
Keep in touch with Family. Bills. Dentist.
Feel guilty for not doing anything with Charter School.  Spend time with each child. Girls Night Out.
Mom I'm Bored. Clean up. Go to church. 
Personal Progress for McKinley. 
No more Otter Pops, you have already had 5. 
 Hormones.
 Do it alone. Smile.

*Percent of Daily Values are based on an average day in the life of a single mom. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your individual circumstances.*

Your box of cereal probably reads a little different than mine. You might have more fiber, less calories, or less fat.
Or maybe you have more sugar, less carbs and more protein.

Does that make yours better than mine?  Nope.
Does that make mine better than yours?  Nope.

Life is not a box of cereal.
I certainly wouldn't have picked out the "Single Mom" flavor.I have a lot on my plate and I make A LOT of mistakes.
But so do you.
No one is exempt.

"We are like passengers in individual lifeboats,
all of which have holes in them of our own making. 
The holes in some of the boats are larger than those in others,
 and some boats have more holes and others fewer.
But no matter the size or number of the holes in our boats,
 the terrible truth is that each of us is sinking.
 If these holes represent our sins, no matter the size or number of our sins, each of us needs the Savior as much as anyone else does. Whether one transgression or ninety and nine, our predicament is the same."
Falling to Heaven ~ James Ferrell 

I really do like cereal.
Although sometimes is tastes disgusting and
I might need to borrow some of your sugar.
You may need to borrow mine.
But we both need the Savior.

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."
 Philippians 4:13

Stay thirsty my friends.
(I know that is totally unrelated but it's funny.)
♥













 

Clench your buttocks. It's gonna be a bumpy ride!

There are some activities in life that require protective gear. 

 Helmets, padding, shin guards etc.  

As I have been contemplating the events over
the last couple of weeks, I realize

I should have been distributing helmets on a daily basis.

 

I like to look different words up in the dictionary and

this is what I found relating to said protective gear. 

Premenstrual Syndrome: (noun) a varying group of symptoms manifested by some women prior to menstruation that may include emotional instability, irritability, insomnia, fatigue, anxiety, depression, headache, edema, and abdominal pain —called also PMS

Before I get started let me just say, this is NOT a noun!! 

It's clearly a verb.

It isn't a person, place or a thing. 

It's ALL action, baby! 

Okay, back to my topic.

 Protective gear only saves you from bodily harm

 when these symptoms occur. 

So I have compiled a list of things to do to protect yourself

in other ways when dealing with the women in your life.

Every woman experiences these
symptoms on a different level.

(I am one of the lucky ones that has
experienced them on every level.)

When dealing with a woman who has any,
or all of these symptoms,

you can just plan on logic going out the window.

So, Rule # 1:

Do NOT try to reason with her, she is always right.

This really only applies to a man who is dealing
with his significant other.

Her friends can reason with her, but you can not.

Because you are a man, and what do you know?

PMS magnifies EVERYTHING.

The tiniest problem will seem like the world
is coming to an end.

This can cause one of two reactions.

Uncontrollable anger or uncontrollable crying.

(Or both if you are lucky enough to find a woman like me)

So, Rule # 2:

Do NOT try to reason with her, she is always right.

If she is angry, apologize and agree with her quickly.

If she is crying, don't ask her what's wrong.

It's probably your fault.

When you can see her starting to act
a little more kind and gentle,

the PMS is probably reaching it's end.

This is the moment she will look back and realize

she has been a raving lunatic.

This causes her to cry and apologize for her behavior.

At this point you must remember

Rule # 3:

Do NOT try to reason with her, she is always right.

She does not mean to act the way she does.

She actually HATES it when she can't control her emotions.

So, just remember these 3 simple rules and you should

be able to maneuver your way through the jungle.

Otherwise known as the woman's mind.

Oops!  You almost forgot these.

Now, Go get her, Tiger!

It's Hard to be Royalty...

I am a total girl.

I like to dress up, wear make-up, get my hair done,

paint my nails, wear jewelry and be pampered.

The same things every normal princess likes.

So it's a sad occasion when I break a nail.

 Most often it's a pretty significant break,

leaving no hope for rescue and

I have no choice but to clip and file the nail.

 Sometimes the nail just gets a little crack on the side.

Then I do what any other royal would do,

I file it and put on nail polish.

Maybe I can save it!

 But typically the result is still the same.

Eventually the nail will completely break

and I have to clip it anyway.

 Well, I just broke a nail.

I know, you would have never guessed.

 This made me think of something beyond

simply breaking a nail.

 Sometimes we break.

Just when we are growing beautifully

we run into problems and get broken.

Sometimes it is our own carelessness that causes the break.

Other times it is out of our control.

Either way, we are still broken.

 If we allow the Lord to step in,

chip away the rough spots and shape us,

we can become even stronger than before.

 And while it may not be pretty,

it is still necessary to ensure proper growth.

If we are patient, we will see our progress

and find joy in our success.

 So the next time I break a nail, I will clip it, file it

and lean on the Lord for support to get me through

the heartache.

 After all, it is quite devestating to a princess,

when she breaks a nail.

You are more.

Who are you when no one is looking?

When you are left alone with just you, do you find you enjoy your company?

I have been forced to hang out with me.

Sometimes I can't get enough of me!

Other times I would rather just hang out with someone else.

You know the saying:

"Too much of a good thing..."

So here I was; Saturday.

Alone.

It was my chance to clean my craft room and USE it.

Why would it need cleaning if you don't use it, you ask?

Simple. I have kids.

Seriously...why would you ask that?

All finished!

I stood there basking in the beauty of a clean craft room.

"This room is ME," I thought.

I love to create.

I love to make the things in my world beautiful.

I feel a sense of freedom in this room.

A place where I can do everything I want to be

completely happy.

And yet, I have never REALLY used it.

This room has been finished for 2 years.

Why don't I come in here and create and dream?

Or even just sit.

I think somehow I got lost.

I have been so busy focusing on everything else,

I forgot to focus on me.

That's when my favorite part of "The Lion King" popped in my head.

"You have forgotten who you are...

Look inside yourself.

You are more than what you have become."

I am Divorced. I am Single.

Yes, these are both very true.

But I am SO much more!

I am a Mother. I am a Daughter.

I am a sister. I am a friend.

I am beautiful. I am talented.

I am spiritual. I am passionate.

I am loving. I am funny.

I am sensitive.

I am strong.

And I can become even more.

Shhh...Don't talk. I feel it too...

On line dating.

Everyone has an opinion.

You are either for it or against it.

Hmm...I guess you could be neutral.

Since I'm a woman, I am all 3.

I am for it AND against it AND neutral.

It really just depends on the day.

Some men are just looking to settle down and get married.

All business.

Some men are just looking for someone to hang out/make out with.

All fun.

There are a select few who are a fine balance of both.

The fun part is weeding thru.

I think they should have rules on these sites.

These are just a few that I have created based on

personal experience.

1.) You cannot be more than 10 years older or younger than the person of interest.

~If you were 14 when she had her oldest child; um...no.

~If you are as old or older than her Dad. Eew.

2.) You must have a job. I know...shallow.

3.) If you weigh 300 more lbs. than the person you are contacting, don't.

~Really?! Come on.

4.) If you can't think of fun and intelligent conversation during instant messaging,

Don't ask them out.

5.) If you are lacking in the looks department,

your only chance is one amazing personality!

6.) If you are NOT lacking in the looks department,

you still need one amazing personality.

7.) Laughter. Ever heard of it?

If not, just quit now. You're gonna be single for awhile.

8.) If you think you are all that and bag of potato chips,

you're wrong. You're not.

9.) Don't tell the woman you are chatting with that her picture turns you on.

Her looks are NOT what make her amazing.

And finally,

10.) Don't ever, under any circumstances ask the woman you're chatting with

if she has ever kissed a Mexican.

She hasn't.

And she's not starting with you.

It's awesome dating on line.

:)

I'm gonna go check my messages.

The path that ROCKS!!

The other day I got in a fight with myself.

It went something like this:

Me: "I reeeeally want to eat those chips with my healthy turkey sandwich."

Me: "Wouldn't that defeat the purpose of your healthy sandwich?"

Me: "You're right. No chips with my lunch. But nothing else sounds as good."

Me: "Have a cheese stick and some frozen grapes."

Me: (Sigh) "Fine. But I'm not happy about it."

Me: "Good girl. Your figure will thank you later."

Me: "Shut up."

~Later that night~

Me: "I'm hungry."

Me: "It's 9:30pm...you shouldn't eat anything."

Me: "You know what! I worked out and ate healthy all day, I deserve it!"

Me: "How bout some frozen grapes?"

Me: "You bet! Right after I have a bowl of chips."

Me: "You'll pay for that tomorrow."

Me: "Again...shut up."

(I sure showed me who was boss!)

I was reminded of my fight with myself as I sit here eating frozen grapes.

I usually don't eat anything after 8pm but I won that fight tonight too.

The fights I get into with myself don't always have to do with food.

Dishes, laundry, cleaning, cooking...just to name a few.

I wonder if I will ever be able to control myself.

I mean, you see how stubborn I am?

I don't even stand a chance!

It's like Kronk from the Emperor's New Groove.

I have a little devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other.

"Don't listen to that guy. He's trying to lead you down the path of righteousness.

I'm gonna lead you down the path that rocks!"

Yes, that's how I feel.

Sometimes I just want to cut loose and be rebelious!

Well, in my own way....

Chips or grapes?

Clean or messy?

Nutritious meal for dinner or cold cereal?

Sometimes I'm just gonna eat the chips!

Let the house be messy or have cold cereal for dinner.

I might even do all 3 in the same day!

Which, of course, means the following day I will be working out harder,

cleaning longer and have to buy more cereal for consuming at breakfast.

Maybe I'll just stick with grapes.

Stupid.

Chickens, Cats and Elephants

FEAR:
Anxiety, Despair, Distress, Doubt, Scare, Uneasiness, Worry

My personal favorite: Chickenheartedness

I want to know who decided that if you are scared,

it makes you a chicken. Or a cat.

You can just as easily scare an elephant.

My current fear: The unknown.

(Also, raw meat. I don't touch it with my bare hands. Yuck.)

There is no way to prepare for the unknown.

If you see a ball flying directly at your face,

you can put your hands up to block it

or get out of the way to avoid being hit,

or if you are really ambitious, catch it and run with it!

But that's when you see it coming.

See what I mean about the unknown...

How do you protect yourself, dodge, or catch something

you don't see coming?

Well I could just live in fear that at any given moment

I'm going to get hit with something?

OR

I can have faith.

~Gulp~

Give up my super powers and ultimate control over the universe.

FAITH:

Acceptance, Belief, Certainty, Confidence, Hope, Trust

"Faith is to hope for things which are not seen, but which are true.

To have faith is to have confidence in something or someone.

Faith is a principle of action and power."

(Bible Dictionary)

I love the words "Confidence, Action & Power"

I can be confident!

This confidence will lead me into action.

My actions will give me power over the adversary.

"Awake my soul! No longer droop in sin.

Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul."

2 Nephi 4:28

♥♥♥