I used to think that 'waiting' is no longer a thing in my life because everything is supposed to controlled by the choices you make. But apparently not.

The choices you make require you to wait it out sometimes.

So life will, eventually, always be a series of waits.

Like how I am waiting right now. Created the counter instead of visiting the site obsessively or leaving my laptop on Sleep mode constantly. We'll get there.

How can one have such terrifying clarity and faith in something one has only seen the tip of? And it feels like the tip is enough to show you all that is you have to know, and every new ground you cover only adds on to that steadfast foundation. Steadfastness... hearing this word makes me want to smile. 

I apologise for my rash words to some, words that you do not know of obviously. But I now know what it feels like. 

Right now: free-falling safely. 

intolerance

Supposed to be studying, but I finally picked up our ADVT assignment to read through the comments and where we have gone wrong.

And I still don't know? Mainly because the comments were not constructive at all. Its gonna be reasonable if you are taking marks away from us because we did something eye-roll worthy. But it is another ballgame on its own when you do it by "Oh it's one of the better assignments around. You girls are one of the better groups. I already gave you xxx grade." How on Earth and why on Earth?! By far one of the most infuriating courses I have taken here so far.

But the point is, she said "Also, closer attention to editing would improve fluency." My gosh am I insulted. Two words!!!! Mixing intend and intent up, and forgetting to spell seamless-LY, doesn't warrant a fluency issue in the research paper I have painstakingly crafted up. All 2000 words of it. And the fact that you picked on my grammar? Just because I am Asian doesn't make me bad at English, in fact I think I am even more fluent than people who claim to speak/use English as their first (and ONLY) language.

People, by the way, is a singular term, so yes "young people who needS to be engaged." and not " young people who needs to be engaged." UGH.

Rant over. Moral of the story: someone is always going to think they can outshine you. Let them eat their own dust. Always.

I was half running/skipping up the steps to put my laundry about 3 days ago and missed a step, crashed my knee against the step, stubbed my toe against another. Oh clumsy legs and feet.

After a surfing lesson that had me running up and down the shore because the waves were absolutely terrifyingly strong, and a night in not very high heels...Swear they were not very high. 3.5inches tops.

My toe is swollen.

I don't know, tell me what I should do with my butter feet.

Sigh.

Let's hope it is just a simple swell. Nothing too much, nothing like the one at Hongkong ><

One look and I know all I need to know. And I am sure. Like never (never, ever) before, I am sure. 

I can't even explain it. 

*buries face in hands*

I will work hard, then play harder than anyone else, simply because I DESERVE to. And every time I forget, I will refer back to this post. Every time being grown up gets the better of me, I will reread this post and have the courage and the motivation to push on.

God, give me the peace and extraordinary wisdom to push on. In You, I can.

1.5 months to the end of Semester 2 in Brisbane. Time fliesssssssssssss, and I am already missing this place and the people.

Sunrise

At Nudgee Beach this morning. Has anyone ever noticed how fast sunrises happen?

*******
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

 It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, 'Yes!'

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
*******

The hardest part of ending is starting again.

I am currently nursing 1294805 deadlines, two blisters on each foot because my feet haven't worn much flip flops in months, and trying not to cuss when I go up and down the stairs because our gym session has proved itself overly-effective. 

I am also not toned enough, not light enough, not enough muscles, too flabby, too muscular. I am running a line of contradicting words, I know. I think Winter does that to you, insanely cold, insanely hungry, insanely fat. But Spring is here. Gonna miss the cold weather, but looking forward to experiencing the infamous Queensland climate.

And, I am fine, to put it as straightforward as possible. I am much more aware of certain emotions that I own, and that I should love owning them as long as I don't let it control me. I am also thankful. For people who watch out for me whether in Brisbane, or back in Singapore. Thank you for getting me through the thoughts that seem to spill right out of my ears, and for the nights you have helped brighten up. For never asking, but always listening. Incredibly blessed by all of you, you, you, you, you, so many of you.

Most importantly, I have been wanting to write this down as soon as I feel that I am it. 

That I am happier. And starting again doesn't seem that tormenting or terrifying anymore. Or is it at all. 

Here's to the special ones who has chosen to fight for something greater than distance.

&Here's to me :)

only monday

Just a little drained by everything that has been happening since we arrived in Brisbane. Seems to be happening bullet fast, my life. That, and FINM2401. Always have a kryptonite in every semester, huh? But as usual, I will just hold firm in Your promises no matter how bleeeeeeeeak it feels. Still learning how to let go to let God.

-
"You will know what to do when the right time comes."
In regards to certain parts of my life that I have yet disposed because I am not sure how to do it, my wifey sure put it very appropriately. Being in this environment that belongs to solely good and vivid memories has been every bit of a healing. Being around people who makes me laugh a lot helps too. I am still a very lucky girl.

-
I wish I were a more self-assured person.

-
Gosh I am tired, time for bed. Hope all of you are well?

Seeing stars

3rd August was an absolutely life-changing day, but let's talk about the less exciting parts first since I have yet decided which ugly (and expensive) picture to post, and while the $100++ video has been uploading for the past 220minutes. 

We popped by Lake Moogerah for an hour plus after said-exciting day. Annnnnd, the skies were clear, but the milky way wasn't as obviously etched out this time, but still very very breathing-taking. Laid down on a random patch of grass this time, nearly froze to death after the temperature fell by 9degrees in that 1h+ we were there, and caught 33 shooting stars, of which one was a super bright, double-explosion thingy that stretched across quite a bit of the sky. 

Went to geek around on Google, and it is apparently just a bigger shooting star, that most probably came into close contact with the atmosphere, which was why we saw it clearer, as well as the high visibility of the explosion-like trail. Most of the shooting stars we are able to see are usually light years away, which is why they are so fleeting/small/insignificant, because it takes them (any random long string of numbers) years to reach Earth. I reckon most, or all, shooting stars are actually much more glorious than that millisecond our naked eyes can view? Geeking overrrrr heehee.

Amongst all the unknown constellations, spotted one that looked like half a heart shape. (Grabbed the picture off Wiki. The picture is quite lame, as compared to the vast amounts of stars that you can actually view, but it depicts the half-heart quite aptly...so.) Which, honestly, made me hope that it is a sign from God; that You are the other half of me and I have no reason to feel remorse, nor regrets, or any hint of guilt for enjoying this returned freedom.

Maybe they just need to run free until 

they find someone just as wild to run with them.

Smiley faces of myself for everyone who is concerned:

I have been adjusting to the slight 2-hour difference while trying to find time to sleep, in between the 101 things that have happened or are happening. So sometimes I do wake up real early in the mornings to check my messages (because I do actually just wake up for no reason at 8am, or 6am Singapore Time), and then forget to reply everyone of you after I am fully awake. Nothing is wrong, I am just tired and I am forgetful, but I am okay :)

On a side note, can't wait to yoga!!!!!!

This morning I woke up feeling cold. Snuggled deeper into my quilt and got burnt by every part of the bed that hasn't been warmed by my body heat. But everything felt okay. Not necessarily good, but okay. And that is such a huge relief. So for the first time in 4 weeks, I slipped back into sleep easily.

As I turn back to take a good look at it once more...I am ready to go.
And that, feels good.

走

As you're reading this, I would already be on the way back to Brisbane. I hope I didn't cry at the airport, and I hope none of you cried if not it would have definitely made me cry. Hahaha.


It has been three weeks, in other words. These few weeks in Singapore/Home has passed me by in the slowest manner, but also as fleeting as time tends to go. &As I condense the moments I have collected into memories to carry me through the rest of 2013 home away from home, I'm thankful for everyone of you who has filled me up with laughter (and lots of food), accompanied me beyond the statutory requirements of our friendship, gone crazy with me, listened to me, spent seemingly endless hours talking to me, understood me, held me, given me the courage to be truthful, and at the same time, allowing me to break apart in the gentlest manner so that I can be whole again.

And then there are all of you who have gone out of the way to meet me, ferried me around, insisted on your ways because you knew what I needed more than what I appear to want, standing up for me, be happy for me, surprising me with gifts.

Most importantly, of course, the gift of your time in my life, even at the expense of your precious sleeping hours, of other important people in your life. Thank you for your love and your presence when I needed it most. 你们最棒 *v*


50 hours ago, while I sat in FEP having my Orchard Road YTF, I was on the brink of crying because I was upset that I had to leave soon. And I am sure this morning when I got out of bed, I looked at my surroundings with those refreshed eyes, the look that makes everything glow in reminiscence...just typing that now makes the lump in my throat grow. This departure feels much more horrible than the last one because there is no more excitement/anticipation in leaving, as I was explaining to everyone who asked. It doesn't get easier with time, I am guessing. Perhaps even more difficult each time. Leaving people you love behind is never an easy task, huh?


On a lighter note...being away from home as let me appreciate all of you more; friends, family, food.
But for now, I'd probably do better away from here. Remember what I said about Brisbane giving me the unusual strength to bounce back faster? C:

That was us exactly 3 weeks ago, about 3 hours away from touching down in Singapore. Hehe. Always a pleasure making you laugh. Hehehehe.

So till then, all of you. I will miss you :*
X.

PS; I know I was complaining a lot about being heavier and flabbier since winter came around and finals made sure I was on my bum tens of hours a day. But hooray? I lost 1.5kg after 3 weeks of really bad sleep (I could be in bed by 12am sometimes, and I just,can't,sleep. And when the exhaustion finally rapes my mind at 4am, I would be up by 9/10am. Latest I have been up is 11am. I think the worst are the 6am mornings. Da fug.) and despite the ridiculous amounts of local cuisines I have managed to get my mouth on. Definitely hooray. Sorry for the nonsense amount of time I spend obsessing over my weight! Kekeke. Hopefully the sleep cycle improves when I go b

ack though...

D-4

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

I don't think I need a thousand sleepless nights, Daddy. But tonight, tonight I know for sure I will sleep tighter, deeper and better than I have in the past 2 weeks.

And I will stand a little taller and stronger, knowing You see me as that beautiful flower :)

SGP-BNE

The packing (and repackings) begins.

Today marks the first day of many. 

The emotional detachment is high, and I just feel so dry. But we will get through this somehow, won't we?

Be back when I feel better. Or when my pet dog Sian isn't following me around like a persistent bugger. 

Ciao.

当冬夜渐暖

很多事情 不是谁说了就算

即使伤心 结果还是自己担

多少次失望表示著多少次期盼

事实证明 幸福很难

我们之间 不是谁说了就算

拉扯的爱 徒增结局的难堪

一百次相爱只要有一次的绚烂

下一次 会更勇敢

当冬夜渐暖 当大海也不再那麼蓝

当月色的纯白变得阴暗

那只是代表快乐不再那麼简单

当冬夜渐暖 当夏夜的树上不再有蝉

当回忆老去的痕迹斑斑

那只是因为悲伤从来 都不会有答案

当冬夜渐暖 当青春也都烟消云散

当美丽的故事都有遗憾

那只是习惯把爱当作喜欢

重要的是 我们以后爱过那一段

This song was written beautifully.
You know there's something about the Chinese language that makes all these ghostly feelings so tangible. Do you know what I mean?

Maybe not. Enjoy the song anyway.

Victory

Today I celebrate a little milestone in my life with a big victory dance.

I entered Temasek Polytechnic as an exceptional student. I scored straight As in my O Levels with a raw score of 9. I could go most places, I had what everyone called a 'bright future'. I, subsequently, played my freshman year and the first half of my second year away. And then desperately tried to make up for it in my last three semesters. Those semesters were hell and I can remember them more vividly than I do of those 'fun times'. Hahaha.

I graduated with a CGPA of 2.88, and the only higher education I can seek were from the private universities. Which I was not keen on. For reasons I do not wish to disclose lest I am appointed as the girl from a privileged family and an elitist mindset. *major roll eyes* #notentitledtoopinions #sayalreadystillmustexplain #thentheystillcallitopnionsforwhat

Fast forward to 2013 February, I left to further my studies in University of Queensland. It is difficult being so far from your family and loved ones, and yet ever refreshing to build a little home in someplace entirely new to your senses. I was learning not just independence everyday, but a little more insight to who I really am, a hopefully better outlook to life. It was the craziest when we were having finals; trying to juggle a functioning household along with a functioning brain came close to an impossible. And just the thought of home being so darn close to you....drives you mad.

2013 July: I received my first results slip of my entire university career and three distinctions? Me? Thank you, God. For Your faithfulness, grace and this entire plan that You have laid out for me. Everything falls so perfectly into place now that I look back at my failures and my inadequacies. If I had passed HCL then, I would have headed on to a JC and then a local U. Or if I have had continued on to TP as I have, but done well, gone to SMU as planned, would I be half as contented with my life as I am right now? Would I be as close to my family as I am right now? Who would I be? Would I like her, would I be proud of her.

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. [Matthew 11:30] 

I have actually scheduled this post ahead of time, so when you are reading this, I should have surprised the girls, and we would be in Butter reliving our good ol' days. Am I allowed to pray for a good crowd?!

Hahahaha.
Ciao.

So. Exhausted.

This is me, who slept at 12am last night, or this morning, till 1:30am. Finished the paper in a daze, thought I could have done much better considering the effort I put into it and it being a horrible subject that I have done well for assignments despite the disgustingness of it all. You get the flow. And I haven't gotten a wink since. It's currently 4pm in Brisbane.

Uni does horrible things to your life, other than the fact it gets you a paper which qualifies you for remotely better paying jobs. But relatively, in comparison to my school fees, which according to the school website, is currently $38,000AUD this semester. And every year they have inflation charges, so when my kids want to go Uni in the future, I possibly have to go sell what's left of my backside. I kid. That day will not come, hopefully.

And this is me on a better, much more well-rested day. Just in case you think I hang out at home in a turban with headphones, which I do, I mean...I am home...

It's so cold these days. I crave for them hot showers but getting out of your warm clothes is beyond torturous. Some days, I am cold enough to fill the bones in my chest shake, and my now permanently cold hands are a testament to this winter season.

Friday is almost here!
Finals are almost over!
Freedom, you're right around THAT corner...

My brain is moving in choppy waves. Unsettling.

Can't wait for night to fall, and the appropriate hour to arrive for me to get into bed and get my 8h of sleep so I will not feel as burn out as I do today during and after my paper.

Which reminds me, while I was taking the turban pictures, I realised the slight scarring on my face from fixing my blemishes at such a shabby place really need to go. Shall I talk about how one should never go to pasar malam store in Chinatown and inflict such nightmares on yourself?!

Tonight + Mask + Me = Bedtime.

你好吗

A little enlightenment while studying for finals...

I have trawled through 8tracks to locate good playlists and I have been bumping into many songs that I have not heard in a long time, for one reason or another. These songs always bring a string of memories back along with the staves of music notes; as if they are so closely intertwined and I were to sit there patiently enough, I would be able to locate the exact memory at each beat. I can't, of course. But it is pretty amazing, still. The people who were in my life, still in my life.

I can locate all of you with music.

This is why everyone needs a soundtrack of life. Someone needs to invent some sorta device that lets you play music wherever you are doing something great, and when you are doing something mundane, and to be fair, when you are doing something that you pisses you off, makes you cry, et cetra et cetra.

This way we will never forget.

&this is for a friend I've lost. You would know its you when you read this, if you read this. They would know its you and us and them when they read it, if they read it.


Now enough of this emotions. Back to the books.

To my girlfriends.

To my dearest, most superb, awesome, beautiful, smart, crazy, funny, caring, loving, kind girlfriends,

 
"This is for all of you, I want you to share this sentiment and take from it what you see as belonging to you—because there are little pieces of what I’m about to say that you will see yourself reflected in, and some that you may not, although it really is all for you. For all of you.

I remember when we met. We were 6 years old and climbing trees; we were 13 years old and discovering boys; we were 18 years old and starting university, we were 22 years old and falling in love for the first time: whenever, no matter, we were just kids then. We still are, but when we met your eyes were definitely sparkling; I know because that’s what I remember most about meeting you.

And now, where are we? We’re older and further apart. Me here, you there, and her, somewhere else entirely. We’re strewn across this world without each other and Friend, it’s not easy without you. I look back on the photos of our last weekend together and I wish we could have had it in a way that wasn’t addled with all our fears and insecurities, our not knowing when we’d see each other again. We’re coming up on a year apart and still we don’t know when we’ll meet again.

It breaks my heart to think of you struggling there, because I know sometimes you do. I know things get hard and you feel alone. I know this because this is how I feel. And I feel like everything would very easily, very simply become better in a moment, if you could sit across from me, sipping your coffee, and reach out your hand to hold mine as my voice reaches fever pitch. I know that in my panicked crescendo, that look you give me, the way you sit by me, the way you touch me, would bring me silence.

Because Friend, you know. We know. We have that special comfort of love, wherein I can tell you, and you can tell me, in the most matter of fact of ways, how to make things better. You can be brutal in your opinions and your advice and yet that brutality is merciful, loaded with all the affection I’ve ever wanted in this world. I guess that’s how we know we love each other—because we’re not trying to protect each other, we’re trying to help each other be better. We don’t offer each other retreat, there is no asylum; instead, we stand by each other in battle.

Have I said that I miss you, my dearest? That we don’t talk nearly enough, but that I know when I need you, you will be there to absorb my tears because between us, time and space have become both limitless and meaningless. And somehow, the distance has made me love you more. It’s made me understand better that what we have—what us few are blessed with—is rare and impossible.

Now that things are difficult for me, I see they are for you too, and for her and her and her. Even though we’re so far apart, we’ve managed to synchronise our sorrows, and all call to each other at once, as if by some ancient conch that only we know the secret call of. All I want is for you to materialize by my side or I by yours. I want to be able to hold you and I want to cry the way I know I can only cry with you. I want all our brown hair to weave together until we can’t see through it, and then I want to fall back in laughter (because together there will be laughter).

Together we’re double. We’re double in strength. We’re double in sadness. We’re double in happiness. We’re double in love. We’re double in all the neurotic nuances that combine to make us who we are. We’re double in our insanity. We’re doubly tall and doubly wide. We’re doubly equipped to deal with all the nasty things that life throws our way.

You’re my sisters. You make me double me, and more: you inflate me in such a way that makes anything possible.

Everyday, from a distance, I am holding your hand even if you can’t feel it. I hope we will be together soon.

I love you is hardly enough, but I’ll say it anyway: I love you."

Cr: Thought Catalog, Kat George, 2011.

A little mundanity

I know it says sing me to sleep, but this is THE mix to listen when you need to get something done. For me, at least. I can't wait for finals to be over, I can't wait to be home, I can't wait to be in your arms. And to eat chee kueh. Damn.

 

Sing me to sleep from ffionmaix on 8tracks Radio.

Hola, everyone! Hope you are having a wonderful night, or a wonderful day, depending on when you are reading this. Winter is apparently not here yet, even though the nights are cold and eats into your bones and it is such a pain in my ass to bathe or to get out of my pyjamas, but we bought ourselves electric blankets! Never thought I would own an electric blanket, but it IS an awesome creation. Keeps you toasty top to toe. Luv' it so much.

It hasn't been boring around here, although we have been doing the same things, but I am coming to like the lifestyle. As I was discussing with my friends the other night over pancakes, possibly the only 24-h supper place in the entire Brisbane, it is hard to explain to people why we love Brisbane when it seems so mundane as compared to, say, Sydney or Melbourne. But I do, I love Brisbane. We have spent a great deal of our time, and money, looking for the best chinese food in Brisbane. And I think we have finally found it. And we have also spent a great deal of time, and money as well, going through brunch places here in Brisbane. Which, by far, is better than any of the best cafes in Singapore I have been too. The Caucasians excel in brunches. They start serving alcohol at 10am, is that why? Hahaha. Which is why, we are going to spend some time and money to keep our figures in check. It is an arduous task, I assure you. Have I blogged about these before. It feels so familiar.......

We have been here for 14 weeks, by the way. It has been an amazing, amazing, amazing experience so far. I have met brilliant, warm people who have warmed my heart and life up in this stranger country, which feels a lot like home nowadays. Brisbane would be different without you guys. And my mommy was right, my housemates have gone from friends, to people I call family. Your two beautiful personalities make all the decisions we have made, the anxieties in pre-departure, to the stress of churning out a 4000+ word research paper, worth every moment. We have bigger adventures, more vivid memories to etch deep into our heads, so don't blink. (Our 14-month pass to the theme parks! Our planned trips to different parts of Australia, to US, to Taiwan, to Korea, to New Zealand, to wanting the life that a young person deserves because, simply, you only live once.)

And now as I return to my pile of books and the impending finals,
I hope all of you are well at home, as usual. Somebody (that would be me) loves you, albeit a little far away. ^_^

Till next time,
x

School

I thought Accounting was the only thing that could terrorise me this way. Well, look at what's tripping me now, and Accounting feels like the shadows that you imagine to be scaring you, while this research course is the real monster that is residing under your bed. Especially when you leave your toes exposed.

So I leave myself with this bible verse that I will feed on for the next 5 days, because I don't plan to do this research proposal over another weekend because it is another weekend I will spend trying not to kill myself.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9 was a verse I held super close to my heart as I conquered my OLevels when I was 16. This verse I return to when I am 21, desperately trying to make this paper get a pass, and yet knowing I will never be satisfied with just a pass. I don't know what's best for myself, but You do. So I will let it go, and trust in You. And also the fact that one of the most important people in my life isn't close to You. But I still trust in Your plans for me.

So I will let go.

God always has His ways to get through to me. I know You are there, Daddy. *Touch my heart* Thank you for always being one step ahead.

Random picture of us. Hahaha.

Nothing like Family

My parents left for the airport 5minutes ago to return to Singapore. The 10 days they were here, they brought along a critical piece of home and now that they have packed up and left, the house just feels a little colder (than it already is since its 6+am in the morning) without their belongings thrown around the house. It's still home, but without my mum's nagging ringing through the house, my dad's Korean dramas blasting through the speakers. I have learned that leaving your family doesn't get easier but Australia has already made me a stronger person.

And i have this sneaky feeling I won't be able to go back to sleep even though I have returned back under the warm covers. Hurhurhur.

Missing everyone back home,
Love, me.

Twenty-First

Am I at the epitome of youth, now? Happy 21st to me, we will save the birthday party for another age, another time.

This year, I will promise to treat myself better. I will learn to remain 18 years of age at heart, always have boundless energy to expend and spare, and "keep dreaming your big dreams," as a pastor once told me. 

One of the cell leaders prayed for me last night, and she said some amazing things to me. Things that spoke right through my heart, addressing fears that I haven't been honest to everyone about. Fears she couldn't have known about, paranoia that only the people who have been around me loooooong enough would understand. But that's how I am to You, huh? A flower, a princess, a beauty :') I walked out of the room yester-night feeling so loved, so lightheaded from that love.

And as autumn ends, and winter creeps in on us...

I find myself falling in love slowly with Brisbane. Ironic, isn't it? Seeing how I was missing home like crazy just a few days ago. But isn't this always the most tasteful of all the types of love available? I even have a favourite suburb, a favourite cafe, a favourite time of the day.

I hope all of you are well :*

Jia

You are only as strong as when you are not missing home.

This is my first bout of homesickness and it happened when my parents are over in Brisbane on a holiday. How can you miss home so much when they have already brought it to you. Or do you only miss it more because they have brought a slight taste of it to you?

I miss all of you back in Singapore. I miss it enough right now to abandon this chilly 19deg weather. That kinda missing, you know? And I miss my boyfriend, I wish we didn't have to be so far away from each other because a long distance relationship is like stuffing a huge fist down huge throat. But only if I could grab my heart and ask it for a moment, to just stop beating for a few months, so I wouldn't be able to feel what it is like not to be able to do something as simple as have a meal with him.

You know?

Rolling with the stars

Greetings from Down Under! 
Brisbane has been lovely so far. Boring, but still a very good change to Singapore because while I am doing a juggling act with my studies, I actually still have time to breathe, sit down, and type this post. Time barely moves here, I find. And we finally have our WI-FI! I typed the following about 4/5 weeks ago? And I finally found the time/WI-FI to post it...lots of words ahead because I want to remember it as closely as possible heh. 

I still find it hard to believe, at times, that I am finally here. 

Just the other night, I woke up in the middle of the night looking for my bolster. I looked under my bed, switched on the lights to ponder on why my bolster disappeared, and then…

It hit me I wasn't in Singapore. My bolster is safely tucked on my bed in Singapore (hopefully), and Aussie does not sell bolsters. (They sell these really really long pillows for pregnant ladies though hahahaha. We were doing a test-hug in KMart just last week HAHAHA)

We finally drove out to explore the big unknown (I exaggerate) on the 16th of March with 3 others. We are so badass our combined initials spell B.A.D.A.A.S I KNOW RIGHT. Headed to the Australia Zoo, home of Steve Irwin. Amazing amazing place, but I wish they had more animals. And the wombats are so adorable. They are like huge hamsters. *pinchhhhh*

Aud's brilliantly red hair that we self-dyed for in the garage. Hahahaha. 

And then it was Mt Coot-tha. The bird's eye view of the city wasn't that great…Singapore and Hongkong offer way better views. But then we chanced upon the Brisbane Astronomical Club(?). They were fully armed with their super techy telescopes and we got God-like views of the constellations. The jewel box, the moon, Jupiter. Orion was staring straight back at me from 1600 years ago. SIXTEEN HUNDRED MAN. Industrialization barely started but I am looking right back into that passage of history.

They only met once a month for this public-viewing, and I can't begin to say how lucky we were to be at the right place at the right time? So blessed.

Hahahahaha.

We then took a 1.5h ride into nowhere after an incredibly hilarious Thai dinner (never again, by the way, the green curry was really just a bowl of coconut milk). It was so dark my night vision felt like it was on the negative scale, and Aud was saying the scene of us driving in the complete darkness looks like a perfect set for a zombie attack hahaha. I think I must have fell asleep because I heard a chorus of "WOW…" suddenly and the entire van of them were pressing their faces against the windows. Thought I was gonna drown in that beauty I saw in the night sky right there. But it gets better.

We reached the caravan park of Lake Moogerah. Spent about an hour or so with our necks craning towards heaven and I must say, that was the most amazing experience I have ever been in, all 20 years of my life. 

The milky way, the shooting stars, the amount of stars that spanned above AND AROUND us. It takes your breath away again and again and again and again. The sight of it renders you speechless. Completely no words to describe how amazing it was.

My naked eyes were screaming just looking at the skies with my naked eyes. This does not make any sense at all. Please come to Australia. Its self-explanatory when you see it.

And now I must pause momentarily to bask in all that awe of 16th March.

Be right back, folks. This is me, falling in love with the Outback.


And I am turning 21 in 4 days!!!!!!!!??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Young and 18, forever*

Opened doors

Hi all, friends, family, loved ones,

Fivefeetfive came about from my height, if you have not already figured that out. And the existence of this blog was to convince myself that the discontentments I have are just temporal, though at one point I did try to completely get over myself but it seems that dissatisfaction does not dissipate this way. Hahaha. I think I have learned to sit calmly with them, because I know they ARE temporal, and although I can't rid of them all, I am working towards overcoming them. Change is a constant, right?

I wanted to change the blog address but its not that easy to bring a few words together to describe perfectly a new chapter of my life. And what more a life I do not know of yet.
So I have done a few subtle changes. This space will now, also, carry my hopes and dreams, my yearning to stay incredibly young at heart and also my desire for adventures. I hope I will relay the euphoria of youthfulness, new-found independence and cooking mishaps(though I hope not) through my words and pictures 6000km back and straight into your hearts. And straight into mine too when this comes to an end.

I will be missing a great deal of Singapore; the convenience, the people I love, my bed, my dad's cooking, Nic's hugs, the weather and the fresh breath of air from my balcony. Just to name a few.

That's all for the time being, folks! xx

Happy 2013!

Happy 2013, everyone! A tad late, but better late than never :)

Wanted to write a long lengthy post about all the amazing, amazing things I did in 2012 but being very, very lazy...it is not gonna happen. Hahaha.

2012 has treated me well in many ways

1. I GRADUATED!!!! I passed accounting!!!!
2. I applied for UQ, QUT and ANU, and got into all three!
3. Went for a impromptu ride on both the gswing and gmax in the middle of the year. I think I was a little bored of life, hahaha.
4. I watched my first musical, Wicked, at MBS thanks to a very special somebunny. ^_^
5. Visited Legoland which was a huge disappointment but the company made up for it.
6. Visited USS and it was AWESUMPOWSUM *kungfu moves*
7. Started yoga mid of 2012 and...I think it makes up for all the cheer practices I gave up. Heh. Namaste.
8. Got a naval piercing (!!!!!!!!)
9. Went on a really memorable snorkeling trip in May *bloop bloop*
10. Ended the year with a wonderful vacation at Montigo, Batam. (This is not in chronological order huh.)
11. HONGKONG WITH ZAXE TO SEE 2PM IN MARCH. HOLY SHEESH, I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THAT EVEN NOW. HAHAHAHA.
12. Celebrated my 20th birthday in Taipei with my family, the first birthday of a few birthdays that I have to spend away from Singapore but I think I can deal with it.
13. April 19th I snipped my hair short. Everyone thought I was depressed, but I thought I was rather brave and I also thought I looked kinda good in it...but the blow-drying is really such a big, big chore.
14. I consumed only half as much of alcohol as compared to 2011, and I think that is one of the main achievements in 2012, learning how to drink responsibly. And because classy ladies don't need drinks. Neh, kidding. HAHAHA.

I am sure there were more but because I am a very, very lazy person... I think I will stop here for now, and anyway 14 is a nice number.

Have a good year ahead all my silent mute lurking readers. Love you all very much. Promise this place will be livelier come February 2013. I hope. Heh.

Lots of love,
me.

PS, and how can I forget that you are best gift of 2012. Heehee.