I hate when I can't find pictures of you but when I do, something inside of me goes a little off track.
I have missed 27th Jan again, probably busy doing another pointless point in life that I have to go through.
How have you been this past 5 years, angel?
Monday, January 30, 2012
How old is your soul?
I remember who gave me my first Jason Mraz song. Wordplay.
I love this voice and I can't say it enough. I love Jason Mraz's voice. I love Jason Mraz's voice. I love Jason Mraz's voice. I love Jason Mraz's voice. I love Jason Mraz's voice. I love Jason Mraz's voice. I love Jason Mraz's voice. I love Jason Mraz's voice. I love Jason Mraz's voice. I love Jason Mraz's voice. I love Jason Mraz's voice. I love Jason Mraz's voice. I love Jason Mraz's voice. I love Jason Mraz's voice.
I love Jason Mraz's voice.
I love Jason Mraz.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Caffeine
I think I have had too much caffeine in the past...48hours. My stomach is feeling funny and my head feels...hungover. Mild hangover? Ah...something like that. Doesn't feel that great whatever this is.
Found the courage and the motivation to go search/apply for possible Universities this week and...my mother, who was the only supportive one suddenly decided to drop less than motivational, almost critical, demands on me.
On days like these, I feel like giving up and just settle for SIM/UOL/RMIT/whatever else there is left.
"Are you going to try local Us? You have to try, if you don't even try I am not going to let you go overseas blah blah blah blah blah."
But it isn't like you don't know how unqualified I am for local Us. And will those rejection letters make you feel better about me not living up to your expectations, nor will I feel good receiving them? Some days, or rather for the past 3 years, I don't feel like I am the girl who graduated with straight As and a single digit on her GCE OLevels' certificate. I admit, I didn't try hard enough for the first 3 semesters. And that was all it took to leave me struggling so hard even to stay above the surface of the water now. Or should I say I am still underwater, and I am fighting for that one gasp. So close, yet so far. I can't change it. I try, but the changes are really...insignificant right now to the bars you have set for me.
And after being bred and nurtured in environments that have opened so many doors to brighter higher places, I know where I stand right now and I don't feel good here. I see the universities I want to go to and there's no where I can get there because I am tied to the ground with my grades from the first three semesters. Growing up in a high-achieving, all-rounded, almost-elitist family also meant that no one could have taught me what to expect. Yes, talking about "staying discipline" is easy. Too easy.
:'(((((((
Where is my light at the end of the tunnel right now? I have no idea.
Last 29 days of school. I have no time to weep about this. I have to face it. Only when I face it then am I able to make it better. You can do this, Zhijun. You're better than this setback. You can do this.
<<Phil 4:13>> I can do ALL things.
Found the courage and the motivation to go search/apply for possible Universities this week and...my mother, who was the only supportive one suddenly decided to drop less than motivational, almost critical, demands on me.
On days like these, I feel like giving up and just settle for SIM/UOL/RMIT/whatever else there is left.
"Are you going to try local Us? You have to try, if you don't even try I am not going to let you go overseas blah blah blah blah blah."
But it isn't like you don't know how unqualified I am for local Us. And will those rejection letters make you feel better about me not living up to your expectations, nor will I feel good receiving them? Some days, or rather for the past 3 years, I don't feel like I am the girl who graduated with straight As and a single digit on her GCE OLevels' certificate. I admit, I didn't try hard enough for the first 3 semesters. And that was all it took to leave me struggling so hard even to stay above the surface of the water now. Or should I say I am still underwater, and I am fighting for that one gasp. So close, yet so far. I can't change it. I try, but the changes are really...insignificant right now to the bars you have set for me.
And after being bred and nurtured in environments that have opened so many doors to brighter higher places, I know where I stand right now and I don't feel good here. I see the universities I want to go to and there's no where I can get there because I am tied to the ground with my grades from the first three semesters. Growing up in a high-achieving, all-rounded, almost-elitist family also meant that no one could have taught me what to expect. Yes, talking about "staying discipline" is easy. Too easy.
So here I am, on my knees, with nothing to offer, not much more that I can do to change what's already been carved in stone, and I am asking You to lift me up, hold me up, carry me, I don't know just anywhere beats sitting fallen and beaten on the ground. I can't stand being a failure and a disappointment in my mother's eyes, in my family's eyes, anymore.
:'(((((((
Where is my light at the end of the tunnel right now? I have no idea.
Last 29 days of school. I have no time to weep about this. I have to face it. Only when I face it then am I able to make it better. You can do this, Zhijun. You're better than this setback. You can do this.
<<Phil 4:13>> I can do ALL things.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Just
having a bad day in general. I would like to believe that I am a happy person and nothing ever gets me too down for too long, but when you are back at home with your books and the silence...ok no silence my house is never silent even in the dead of the night because of the expressway...
Its just an uneasy weight on my shoulders. Its not easy to carry anything nowadays. I love the feeling of floating between the clouds.
Tomorrow will be okay.
Its just an uneasy weight on my shoulders. Its not easy to carry anything nowadays. I love the feeling of floating between the clouds.
Tomorrow will be okay.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Skin Deep
I realised that ALOT of girls put in ALOT of effort to making sure they look good before they leave the house. I am never a person to do that because 1. I'm lazy. 2. Removing make up is troublesome. 3. I'm just plain lazy.
世界上没有丑女人，只有懒女人。
Beauty is what's on the inside, yes. But I guess 爱美无罪?
I have a healthy excuse to buy makeup now teehee^_^
世界上没有丑女人，只有懒女人。
Beauty is what's on the inside, yes. But I guess 爱美无罪?
I have a healthy excuse to buy makeup now teehee^_^
Thursday, January 19, 2012
I think everyone has a soft spot for someone. Someones. And that someone might not be the best someone in the world, incredibly flawed, knows you too well; inside out, but there's nothing you want more than this person to be happy.
V and I discussed this before and she said something really true. You can forget what a person is like, you can forget how their voices ring and make you laugh when they laugh, the jokes they crack, what they dislike in their burgers, what they like to go along with their popcorn, but you can never, ever, forget the way they make you feel. And that, you will always carry it in you.
Now sue me for saying this, I am a little emotional today from the studying I have been doing since 11am, but I miss being friends with you.
V and I discussed this before and she said something really true. You can forget what a person is like, you can forget how their voices ring and make you laugh when they laugh, the jokes they crack, what they dislike in their burgers, what they like to go along with their popcorn, but you can never, ever, forget the way they make you feel. And that, you will always carry it in you.
Now sue me for saying this, I am a little emotional today from the studying I have been doing since 11am, but I miss being friends with you.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Just like her, I wanna be pretty
\
Starts from 1:01
Today was fine until I came home to my laptop soaked in water and various important things on my table were drenched/water-stained.
I don't know what is more tiring and frustrating? Life in general, why I am not getting the things I want, achieving the goals I want to, going places like I promised myself, dreaming big like that pastor told me to because it's all supposed to come true, getting straight As like I told my mother I would, whether or not any universities would want me, should I stay in Singapore or go overseas, will I ever stop flying so high in the clouds, can I ever grow up safely and see myself in 10 years as someone my age would YEARN to be,
or people.
5th last week of school. Bang.
-At 4:15am-
So gonna wake up with swollen eyes tomorrow. Crazy world.
Starts from 1:01
Today was fine until I came home to my laptop soaked in water and various important things on my table were drenched/water-stained.
I don't know what is more tiring and frustrating? Life in general, why I am not getting the things I want, achieving the goals I want to, going places like I promised myself, dreaming big like that pastor told me to because it's all supposed to come true, getting straight As like I told my mother I would, whether or not any universities would want me, should I stay in Singapore or go overseas, will I ever stop flying so high in the clouds, can I ever grow up safely and see myself in 10 years as someone my age would YEARN to be,
or people.
5th last week of school. Bang.
-At 4:15am-
So gonna wake up with swollen eyes tomorrow. Crazy world.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
walking on sunshine
I'm feeling sexy and free
Like glitter's raining on me
I think I am about to be screwed through and through by MA2 this semester again. And as much as I know I will be okay at the end, the process really really really really sucks. It's just numbers, why make it so illogical. Like it will ever be like that in real life?
Just a few pictures from Bunny.
Just a few pictures from Bunny.
But the point is....IT IS REALLY PRETTY AND I REALLY LIKE IT AND SHE LIKES IT AND EVERYONE LIKES IT!
YAYNESS!^-^
Tumbler: Starbucks
Materials: Papermarket
This picture is amusing but its kinda embarrassing to blow it up as big as the rest so it shall remain tiny.
And yeah that's what I kinda did when I was alone at home in the afternoon.
EROHWMAC HEEHEE.
Tomorrow is the day!!!!! I am really excited and at the same time, I don't know...Kinda apprehensive?
Update again about what it is. Soonish.
tata xx
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Hero
There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
I am turning 20 in about 3 months and I would like to do 20 things for myself this year. 20 things revolving around the word Dream. I am about to complete one pretty soon, shall update...when I have the time. Or when I feel like it. Or when I am done chasing all 20.
Part 2 of the ADM fashion show.
Photos taken by Russell and I.
look ma! i used crayons to draw my eyes!
not really, the eye shadows they used are so bright they highly resembled crayons.
soooooo
tata guys.
It's rather pointless to blog nowadays because all I have to write about is how my submissions are coming soon and my group mates and I haven't started much on anything BUT I am sure we are still the winning team, as always. And I am reaching the end of the 6th LAST week of school.
Shall we do a countdown for this too????
#TooBlessedToBeStressed
xoxo
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
School
I just went mad and bought a $7 app from the AppStore.
I am convinced that people who are more linguistic have problems processing numbers, or doing anything that requires you to be very organized and logical. Accounting, I don't know how but I am going to take you down this semester and NEVER see you in my life again because you are the MOST useless and tedious module I have ever taken.
That said, I am feeling dumb because I don't know how to apply the concepts in the lecture notes into the tutorial questions. And I have spent close to three hours on it already.
It's okay, I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me. I CAN do ALL things in Christ who strengthens me. Maybe not tonight. Tonight I need to sleep desperately.
I am convinced that people who are more linguistic have problems processing numbers, or doing anything that requires you to be very organized and logical. Accounting, I don't know how but I am going to take you down this semester and NEVER see you in my life again because you are the MOST useless and tedious module I have ever taken.
That said, I am feeling dumb because I don't know how to apply the concepts in the lecture notes into the tutorial questions. And I have spent close to three hours on it already.
It's okay, I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me. I CAN do ALL things in Christ who strengthens me. Maybe not tonight. Tonight I need to sleep desperately.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
2011
It's never too late for a New Year post right?
2011 was a rather good year for me. Crowned with goodness? Yeap. Dripping with abundance? Definitely. There were hiccups along the way but... the good moments outweighed the bad.
Took a lot lesser pictures this year, too lazy to bring Russell out ever since I got my iPhone. But honestly nothing beats a DSLR, especially not Russell. Heh. Shall make an effort to bring him out, but I really need new kit lens and I HAVE to get my 50mm this year, by hook or crook.
The first half of 2011 marks one of life milestones, the decisions you make that potentially changes your WHOLE life? But I am so glad I made up my mind, cleaned up whatever that I haven't dare to think about in a long time. I think this is growing up. Kinda.
I also spent my 19th birthday in camp. Ever had a hundred plus people sing a birthday song for you? :) Thank you, Baetos. You were a really special empire. ♥
2011 was also when I started partying. Hard. Really hard at one point. I won't deny, I love all those nights, even the ones I was so wasted and worried the hell out of so many people. If my friends with the cameras actually opened up ALL those albums, my Facebook would have been tagged with endless of those dark streaky pictures and I would have definitely earned myself the C word beside my name. But I have also learned where to draw the line. Or maybe not. HAHA. ♚♣ ^.-
And I met pretty amazing people in 2011, that I already knew before 2011, but got even closer to during this 365days. I am damn thankful for your presence in my life, you probably made me a better person in many ways without even me knowing it. All of you have also taught me what it means to be comfortable with myself, and believe it or not, I think I owe a lot of those confidence that I exude to you. Of course, I will never forget the people who have been there from the beginning, thank you for letting me be myself, be my crazy self, be my insecure self, be my ugly self, be my can'tbelieveiamsayingthis pretty self. To the ones that I have somehow lost along the way, our paths ran really close to each other, with each other, on each other even, at a point in 2011 and I am eternally grateful for it because you have been such a joy to have, such a comfort to own. And maybe our lives will run that closely again but till then, always know that you are always important to me.
2011 was also the year I went literally quite very superduper mad over 2pm. I met them in Spring 2011 outside their company in Seoul BY CHANCE and I think that moment defined many moments that happened? Nevertheless, always happy to have them in my life. They are not just walking Ken dolls, but also living testimonies of dreams coming true. I am happiest talking about 2pm sometimes, not because I am obsessed about them in a unhealthy way, which I am but not all the time, because its when I feel closest to my dreams and that I can reach them if I stretch hard enough. I hope I will get to see them in Hongkong this year for their Asia Tour.
Learnt the importance of family this year too. Shall not elaborate but I am really glad that things in the family is much better, despite being dysfunctional when we are together but... I would never trade them for anyone else, any other riches in the world.
I saw myself going back to church in the later part of the year too. Regularly. And I really look forward to Sundays now. No matter how torn I am during the week, I walk out of church, every Sunday, stronger than the last week, and all armored for the new week ahead of me. No more hunger pangs, no more searching, just believing, just being loved, favoured and very very incredibly blessed. This year, unceasing fruitfulness. I already cannot wait for what 2012 has to offer me.
2012 started off on a bad note with my grandma scaring us to death at 1am today and she has to be hospitalized for a few days. Can't deny that I am feeling a little down right now but... she will get better. ^_^
7 New Year Resolutions for 2012
(I am surprisingly good at keeping to them most of the time)
1. Read. At least 1 book a week and at the end of 2012, I will post the list of books I have read in a year.
2. Exercise. Twice a week. I cannot do without food, I love eating too much. Maybe I should go pick up dancing, at least I will have fun while toning up. But before that, to ABuse we go!
3. Save up $xxxx in my bank. Travelling way too much this year already heh CANNOT WAIT!
4. Keep my room spick and span, like right now, for the rest of the year, 24/7.
5. A better relationship with my mother. Remember that she's growing older when I am growing up.
6. Upgrade my DSLR, buy the 50mm lens. Fill up at least 1 album per month. Imma be a mean camwh0re HAHAHA.
7. A closer walk to God no matter where I go, whether I leave for University at the second half of the year, whether life gets hard, always trust in Him for that unceasing fruitfulness, a different one each month, for 2012.
I always find it kinda weird why people would keep wishing for each new year to arrive and when the new year arrives, they are already busy wishing for the next new year. You're only gonna live everyday of this year ONCE, yes? And once it is gone, it is never coming back. ♥♥♥ Carpe diem ♥♥♥
Have a great 2012!!!!!!!
this is my lady gaga-esque pose.
ahem.
hahahahaha.
2011 was a rather good year for me. Crowned with goodness? Yeap. Dripping with abundance? Definitely. There were hiccups along the way but... the good moments outweighed the bad.
Took a lot lesser pictures this year, too lazy to bring Russell out ever since I got my iPhone. But honestly nothing beats a DSLR, especially not Russell. Heh. Shall make an effort to bring him out, but I really need new kit lens and I HAVE to get my 50mm this year, by hook or crook.
The first half of 2011 marks one of life milestones, the decisions you make that potentially changes your WHOLE life? But I am so glad I made up my mind, cleaned up whatever that I haven't dare to think about in a long time. I think this is growing up. Kinda.
I also spent my 19th birthday in camp. Ever had a hundred plus people sing a birthday song for you? :) Thank you, Baetos. You were a really special empire. ♥
2011 was also when I started partying. Hard. Really hard at one point. I won't deny, I love all those nights, even the ones I was so wasted and worried the hell out of so many people. If my friends with the cameras actually opened up ALL those albums, my Facebook would have been tagged with endless of those dark streaky pictures and I would have definitely earned myself the C word beside my name. But I have also learned where to draw the line. Or maybe not. HAHA. ♚♣ ^.-
And I met pretty amazing people in 2011, that I already knew before 2011, but got even closer to during this 365days. I am damn thankful for your presence in my life, you probably made me a better person in many ways without even me knowing it. All of you have also taught me what it means to be comfortable with myself, and believe it or not, I think I owe a lot of those confidence that I exude to you. Of course, I will never forget the people who have been there from the beginning, thank you for letting me be myself, be my crazy self, be my insecure self, be my ugly self, be my can'tbelieveiamsayingthis pretty self. To the ones that I have somehow lost along the way, our paths ran really close to each other, with each other, on each other even, at a point in 2011 and I am eternally grateful for it because you have been such a joy to have, such a comfort to own. And maybe our lives will run that closely again but till then, always know that you are always important to me.
2011 was also the year I went literally quite very superduper mad over 2pm. I met them in Spring 2011 outside their company in Seoul BY CHANCE and I think that moment defined many moments that happened? Nevertheless, always happy to have them in my life. They are not just walking Ken dolls, but also living testimonies of dreams coming true. I am happiest talking about 2pm sometimes, not because I am obsessed about them in a unhealthy way, which I am but not all the time, because its when I feel closest to my dreams and that I can reach them if I stretch hard enough. I hope I will get to see them in Hongkong this year for their Asia Tour.
Learnt the importance of family this year too. Shall not elaborate but I am really glad that things in the family is much better, despite being dysfunctional when we are together but... I would never trade them for anyone else, any other riches in the world.
I saw myself going back to church in the later part of the year too. Regularly. And I really look forward to Sundays now. No matter how torn I am during the week, I walk out of church, every Sunday, stronger than the last week, and all armored for the new week ahead of me. No more hunger pangs, no more searching, just believing, just being loved, favoured and very very incredibly blessed. This year, unceasing fruitfulness. I already cannot wait for what 2012 has to offer me.
2012 started off on a bad note with my grandma scaring us to death at 1am today and she has to be hospitalized for a few days. Can't deny that I am feeling a little down right now but... she will get better. ^_^
7 New Year Resolutions for 2012
(I am surprisingly good at keeping to them most of the time)
1. Read. At least 1 book a week and at the end of 2012, I will post the list of books I have read in a year.
2. Exercise. Twice a week. I cannot do without food, I love eating too much. Maybe I should go pick up dancing, at least I will have fun while toning up. But before that, to ABuse we go!
3. Save up $xxxx in my bank. Travelling way too much this year already heh CANNOT WAIT!
4. Keep my room spick and span, like right now, for the rest of the year, 24/7.
5. A better relationship with my mother. Remember that she's growing older when I am growing up.
6. Upgrade my DSLR, buy the 50mm lens. Fill up at least 1 album per month. Imma be a mean camwh0re HAHAHA.
7. A closer walk to God no matter where I go, whether I leave for University at the second half of the year, whether life gets hard, always trust in Him for that unceasing fruitfulness, a different one each month, for 2012.
I always find it kinda weird why people would keep wishing for each new year to arrive and when the new year arrives, they are already busy wishing for the next new year. You're only gonna live everyday of this year ONCE, yes? And once it is gone, it is never coming back. ♥♥♥ Carpe diem ♥♥♥
Have a great 2012!!!!!!!
this is my lady gaga-esque pose.
ahem.
hahahahaha.
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