22

I turn 22 today.

And I will finally learn how to cut myself some slack, take a little chill pill when I need to, and to be a better person for the people around me. And for myself as well, of course. Being easygoing can be so difficult, something I never thought I had to LEARN to understand. Hahaha. Oh well, 活到老学到老, right? Thank you everyone for being ever-so-patient with me while I go through them difficult days. Knowing that you'll be at the end of every single one of it makes me feel a lot better about myself as a person, no matter how much I doubt myself at times.

I turn 22 with you today.

I wanna celebrate all my birthdays with you from now onwards. If that matters at all to anyone anymore. But I think its time for me to say that I think I found someone like that. Why do you complete me so much, why do you take away my breath away like that, why do you make me breakfast and why do you dance those silly dances when I am upset. I can't take my eyes off you.

I am 22 today.

To say the least, I asked for wisdom in difficult situations, for maturity when people hit me low, for child-like faith when times get hard, for old friends to stay and new ones a reason to, for family. And I ask for a love so strong. That You'll lay hands and steer it to safe waters. A ship in its harbour is safe, but that's not what ships are built for. I know there will be turbulent times, but I know who we are is not where we are, for who we are will be greater than where we are ;)

This 22nd year, I want to be like water. Slip through fingers but hold up ships.
Happy birthday to me :*

You Who Came From The Stars

I have watched countless dramas, but how many story lines do I remember after investing 20 hours on average to each? Maybe 5? Just ticking them off my memory...just 5. 

This drama is gonna make it into the 6th. I am picky about the dramas I watch. If you're gonna make me laugh, make me laugh out loud. If emotions are to be evoked, make me bawl, I am not satisfied with tearing. This drama is... Fantastic. In a word, it is fantastic. 

I love it so much... I love the suspense in every single episode without fail. I love the faults in the female lead, her on-the-edge personality. Her bashful words AND ways. The walls she build and her ability to trust. I love the male lead's character. Withdrawn yet forthcoming. Scared yet courageous. So incredibly book-smart and yet so dumb when it boils down to her. I hate how they are both so oblivious to each other's feelings, and love how they still remain so true to each other.

And they finally released my favourite song in the OST...

Currently at Episode 12. 

Never want this drama to end. Like never T_T

And if I had a chance to freeze time, I would always choose to freeze the ones where you look at me in wonder. Always.

Living a Dream

I wrote this over a period of 6 to 8 weeks in 2013, and I think I can keep going. But...

Staying two semesters away from Singapore, calling a stranger city home, and learning everything I like and absolutely abhor about myself; one of these days when I have left here for good, I will look back at all of this and give myself a pat on my back for being fearless. And to always be thankful and grateful to my parents who have given it all to me, and more. Studying overseas isn't all fun and glamorous as it appears to be. It isn't, it hasn't, it will never be. But we do have MORE fun... :P The journey hasn't been smooth all the time, I struggle more than I appear to, and sometimes the emotions of being away from familiar people and familiar things can be so hard. But at the same time, and most importantly, I am learning.

This is a little compiled list of things I have learned both away from home, and being in Uni. Useful lessons, thoughts and emotions I am going to hold close to me for a long, long, time to come.


1. Anyone can cook. (As Ratatouille has said.) But to be a true domestic goddess, you have to know how to run a house. That means doing everything, not just what you are good at, what you're bad with, what you immensely dislike. Which means being a domestic goddess is extremely difficult and not as attainable to contrary beliefs.

2. Selflessness is an elusive quality. Many people reckon that they are doing something out of selflessness, but more often than not, they have themselves solely in mind. This is one point that I think everyone overlooks. Robert Madu is right, its about going the extra mile even when you don't have to. That's selflessness.

3. Tolerance is not an inert trait, but it is something you hone over time, over different people you will get to interact with. You can only pray that every single one of them have the patience to deal with you at your worst.

4. You get better at studying, deal better with issues of discipline, and procrastination slowly leaves your lazy bones. At least for me, it did, and I am pleasantly surprised.

5. You can change in an alarmingly short time when you are placed in a situation that requires you to be brave, to face everyday with the same degree of independence because honestly, you HAVE to be. I am not who I was 9 months ago, in a good way. I hope. So always be in touch with people back home. Life is the same for them back home, while it is dynamic for you away from home. Mundanity is not a word/expression/feeling you have to deal with, so reach out. Always reach out.

6. You suddenly know what you want and you are not afraid to pursue it even when you are scared shitless. Even when it makes you different from everyone else, and you are that sore thumb sticking out. But dare to be different. Stepping out of home into a foreign country is one thing, just one small milestone, but it is essentially what you do subsequently that makes this whole journey worth it. This is honestly the hardest part as well. People yearn to be similar, people want to fit in. Being different is truly… different.

7. You learn to appreciate Singapore. Although there are many good points for staying here, but I miss Singapore. I miss the stability that we are GIVEN. That we never have to fight for. It is OURS. And some of you take it for granted so often by grumbling and complaining.

8. Even the most hateful chores have its therapeutic moments. A moment washing means a moment away from the stress. A moment to myself, a moment to think. But these moments are few and rare, obviously. So, I still hate doing chores. Especially washing. HAHA.

9. Your friends ARE your family. They are everything and the only thing you have. Blood is thicker than water, yes. But water is essential for survival. One can only go 2/3 days without water. #survival101

10. You will learn to value alone time. I cannot emphasise enough how important it is to be alone.

11. Always, always, always remember to let it go, easier than how you have let it in. Be gracious.

12. Let your successes be the applause you deserve.

13. Where love exists, there is no pride.

14. Finally, there's nothing like God's peace to get you through the darkest nights&the slowest days.

The End/New Start

2013 is the year I asked myself many times why I keep a blog. Hahahaha. I put minimal effort into creating posts, despite still writing A LOT. So where do all those written thingies go, would be the question... ;)

2013 has treated me beautifully. I saw one of my biggest dreams take flight, and I saw the people who are true to me, remain painstakingly true. This year was the year I was gonna treat myself better, and the people around me better. That meant saying my sorries, swallowing my pride and the brat in me down, and doing things that would make me lighter. It is both a selfless and selfish resolution.

Incredibly, I think I have done a bit of both this year. And this year, I discovered that despite my choppy relationship with God, He has never given up on me. Not once. Not even in my face of hypocrisy. But when I see the results of obeying Him ricocheting in my life, in a good way, I thank God for the mercy and grace He has extended to me.

The yoga place I used to attend in BNE said that we should set INTENTIONS instead of RESOLUTIONS. Resolutions are hard and fast rules, absolute to the point of ruthlessness. On the other hand...

 "Setting an intention is different. You intend to do something or intend for something to be a certain way. There is room for change, for flow and adjustments. An intention plants a seed in the mind, and is allowed to develop and grow. "

So...this year 2014, I intent to be
1. Stronger in faith. To not just grow upwards, but sideways, and take root in my religion. I want to be a fat unwavering tree.

2. Mature in the ways I treat people/things. No matter how I am treated, I will treat them as right as I can let myself be.

3. A saver. I will save, and save and save like I have never before.

4. A better daughter/granddaughter/sister, especially after I find a job. &A better friend. I will not just let you hold on to me, I will hold on to you too.

5. A regular writer. Whenever I read back on my old posts, I am reminded of good times, maybe even bad but nah, and emotions that belongs to that moment. If I keep writing, maybe I will be able to keep them all.

6. Consistent with my current fitness level. Or even better it.

7.  (I am almost shy to type this but...) A desirable woman of God, not just in my intelligence, wittiness or sensibility.

I used to think that 'waiting' is no longer a thing in my life because everything is supposed to controlled by the choices you make. But apparently not.

The choices you make require you to wait it out sometimes.

So life will, eventually, always be a series of waits.

Like how I am waiting right now. Created the counter instead of visiting the site obsessively or leaving my laptop on Sleep mode constantly. We'll get there.

How can one have such terrifying clarity and faith in something one has only seen the tip of? And it feels like the tip is enough to show you all that is you have to know, and every new ground you cover only adds on to that steadfast foundation. Steadfastness... hearing this word makes me want to smile. 

I apologise for my rash words to some, words that you do not know of obviously. But I now know what it feels like. 

Right now: free-falling safely. 

intolerance

Supposed to be studying, but I finally picked up our ADVT assignment to read through the comments and where we have gone wrong.

And I still don't know? Mainly because the comments were not constructive at all. Its gonna be reasonable if you are taking marks away from us because we did something eye-roll worthy. But it is another ballgame on its own when you do it by "Oh it's one of the better assignments around. You girls are one of the better groups. I already gave you xxx grade." How on Earth and why on Earth?! By far one of the most infuriating courses I have taken here so far.

But the point is, she said "Also, closer attention to editing would improve fluency." My gosh am I insulted. Two words!!!! Mixing intend and intent up, and forgetting to spell seamless-LY, doesn't warrant a fluency issue in the research paper I have painstakingly crafted up. All 2000 words of it. And the fact that you picked on my grammar? Just because I am Asian doesn't make me bad at English, in fact I think I am even more fluent than people who claim to speak/use English as their first (and ONLY) language.

People, by the way, is a singular term, so yes "young people who needS to be engaged." and not " young people who needs to be engaged." UGH.

Rant over. Moral of the story: someone is always going to think they can outshine you. Let them eat their own dust. Always.